1. - Ladies and... Waymond,Copy !req
2. direct your attention
to the front of the roomCopy !req
3. for a short video presentation.Copy !req
4. - 'Scuse me, Beth?Copy !req
5. 'Scuse me.Copy !req
6. Okay, 'scuse me.Copy !req
7. Just-
can you move, please?Copy !req
8. How does this turn off, man?Copy !req
9. It's not funny.Copy !req
10. Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Thanks a ton.Copy !req
11. Yeah, it's out there.
I'm secretly a rap artist.Copy !req
12. An artist.
Give me the tape.Copy !req
13. Give me the tape.
- No.Copy !req
14. - Give me the tape!Copy !req
15. - So did you, like, used to be
in some sort of crew?Copy !req
16. - Yeah, yeah, it was a crew
of all-there was five of us.Copy !req
17. - Jesus Christ, Jillian.Copy !req
18. - Great rapping, Anders.Copy !req
19. You're like
an Icelandic Raekwon.Copy !req
20. - Oh.
- Ders, what's up?Copy !req
21. How come you don't
bring out the, uh,Copy !req
22. the flavor a little more'?Copy !req
23. I thought it was pretty dope.Copy !req
24. - Could we talk about
something different?Copy !req
25. - Are you guys
ready to get sloppyCopy !req
26. at the young professionals
wine and cheese thing tomorrow?Copy !req
27. - Yes, totally.
- Yeah.Copy !req
28. - Yeah, you are!Copy !req
29. - Are you going to that
as well?Copy !req
30. - Oh, heck to the yeah.Copy !req
31. I'm looking for
a true love companionCopy !req
32. who I can spend
every day of my life withCopy !req
33. until we die
on the exact same day.Copy !req
34. Same breath-Copy !req
35. - [making beatbox sounds,
humming]Copy !req
36. - Montez, how you doing?Copy !req
37. - How does it look
like I'm doing?Copy !req
38. I'm on top of
the goddamn world.Copy !req
39. - Right!
Hey, can I get the creamer?Copy !req
40. - I got up at 5:30
in the A.M. this morning.Copy !req
41. 5:30 in the goddamn A.M.Copy !req
42. Y'all wanna know why?
- Yeah.Copy !req
43. - Uh, because you had sex
with your wife.Copy !req
44. - Laid out the tarp,Copy !req
45. got out that good-ass baby oil,
and I was in it,Copy !req
46. just bah, bah,
got in my power stance,Copy !req
47. and I was like
kah-kah-kah-kah-kah!Copy !req
48. 'Cause there's only
one rule in my bedroom.Copy !req
49. Fuck all rules.Copy !req
50. It's like the wild,
wild west up in there,Copy !req
51. like Afghanistan, Iraq,Copy !req
52. motherfucking
Lord of the Rings in there.Copy !req
53. Y'all don't know
about my bedroom.Copy !req
54. - No, we don't.
- Ugh!Copy !req
55. I can feel that shit
right now.Copy !req
56. - Sweet.Copy !req
57. - Oh, see, that's the kind
of love I'm looking for.Copy !req
58. - Okay, so we're all
in agreementCopy !req
59. that Jillian can't come
with us to this thing tomorrow.Copy !req
60. - What-w-why?
Why not?Copy !req
61. - Because when you put Jillian
in a room with free wine,Copy !req
62. things tend to get punched
in the face hard.Copy !req
63. - Yeah, but she wants
to find a man.Copy !req
64. I'm not about to stand
in the way of love.Copy !req
65. I'm not Billy Zane, man.Copy !req
66. - Blake, I get it.
She's your friend.Copy !req
67. - Okay, she's your friend too,
Roboheart.Copy !req
68. God!Copy !req
69. - Look, all I'm saying is,
last time,Copy !req
70. I got 25 business cards
and 12 Linkedln contacts.Copy !req
71. I plan on doubling that.Copy !req
72. But I can't have Jillian
stepping on my game.Copy !req
73. - Wow, Ders.Copy !req
74. When you were nerding out
on some cards,Copy !req
75. I was nerding into
some titties!Copy !req
76. Remember that business lady
from last year?Copy !req
77. I was all
just droppin' in on it,Copy !req
78. lust. Hey, hey.Copy !req
79. - No, you weren't.Copy !req
80. No, you didn't.
You didn't have sex with her.Copy !req
81. - No, I didn't have sex
with her.Copy !req
82. She had to go home
because her dog was sick.Copy !req
83. We were all worried.Copy !req
84. Remember that one-legged
wheelchair dude from last year?Copy !req
85. - Oh!
- He's gonna be there.Copy !req
86. - Oh, yeah, that dude
totally punk'd you.Copy !req
87. Remember what he did, dude?Copy !req
88. Remember what he did?Copy !req
89. Oh! He cut off a chunk
of your hair, dude.Copy !req
90. - That was a big
chunk of your hair.Copy !req
91. - Yeah, it was huge.
- I know.Copy !req
92. - Remember how he just
held it out thereCopy !req
93. while you stood there
just crying?Copy !req
94. - Ha-ha! Adam!
- You were crying...Copy !req
95. - Yes, I think we all remember
I was crying.Copy !req
96. Yes, I was there.
- You were crying, dude.Copy !req
97. Ooh, inside voices.
Come on.Copy !req
98. - You guys are right.Copy !req
99. Jillian can't be there,Copy !req
100. because when
I just get these handsCopy !req
101. around his sweet little
wheelchair body,Copy !req
102. I'm gonna...Copy !req
103. bust him!Copy !req
104. - Ooph.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
105. I just don't want her
seeing that side of me.Copy !req
106. All right.
Here's the plan.Copy !req
107. We get Jillian a manCopy !req
108. to take her out
the same time as the mixer.Copy !req
109. Step one:
create an internet profile.Copy !req
110. - All right, okay.Copy !req
111. Interests.
What's Jillian into?Copy !req
112. - Mm...
- She's...Copy !req
113. - Mm...Copy !req
114. - Um...Copy !req
115. - She's a girl, so...
Gerard Butler.Copy !req
116. - Yeah.
- Yep.Copy !req
117. - Yeah, they do.
They love him.Copy !req
118. - Good, good.Copy !req
119. And let's put something
to attract guys, like...Copy !req
120. - Like, "Face down, ass up.Copy !req
121. That's the way we like to"-Copy !req
122. - Uh, "camping" works.Copy !req
123. - That's the way
we like to camp.Copy !req
124. - Yeah.Copy !req
125. - Now we just need a picture
of her from the internet.Copy !req
126. Oh, there we go.
That one works.Copy !req
127. - Is, uh-ahem-is there
another photo we could use?Copy !req
128. - Why'? This says, "I'm young,
I'm fun,Copy !req
129. and I've got a sense of humor,"
that's for sure.Copy !req
130. - It also says, "I like to do
weird stuff in the bedroom,"Copy !req
131. which, in this internet era,
dudes like that.Copy !req
132. - Yeah.Copy !req
133. - But it's not illegal
for me to call you,Copy !req
134. so I can't get arrested.Copy !req
135. You know what, I'm gonna
call you back tomorrow.Copy !req
136. - Oh, we got one!
- See you. Thank you.Copy !req
137. - Okay.
- Found it.Copy !req
138. - Yeah, seems fine, like
a fairly non-murdery fellow.Copy !req
139. - Normal-looking dude,
if you ask me.Copy !req
140. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
141. - I give him my blessing.Copy !req
142. - Nice.Copy !req
143. - Knock, knock.
Knock.Copy !req
144. - Ooh, come in!Copy !req
145. - Question:
how would you like a dateCopy !req
146. with a Gerard Butleresque...Copy !req
147. uberhunk?Copy !req
148. - Ooh! More like
Gerard Butt Cheeks.Copy !req
149. - Uh, well,
he's our buddy Jake,Copy !req
150. and he is just a man hunk.Copy !req
151. - Ooh! Jake?
Do I know him?Copy !req
152. - No, I don't think
you know him.Copy !req
153. I don't think you've met him.
He's a friend of ours.Copy !req
154. - Yeah, he's a real
beef castle.Copy !req
155. - What's-
what's his last name?Copy !req
156. - Uh...
- Heisen...Copy !req
157. - Rip.
- Bauer.Copy !req
158. - Heisenripbauer?Copy !req
159. - Heisenripbauer, yeah.
- Heisenripbauer.Copy !req
160. - Ooh, Mrs. Jillian
Heisenripbauer.Copy !req
161. - He's a science teacher.
- He's a science teacher!Copy !req
162. - Yes, he is.
- Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
163. Well, I hope we have chemistry!Copy !req
164. - Oh, my goodness.
- You will!Copy !req
165. - Yeah, anyways, yeah,
Jake HeisenripbauerCopy !req
166. would love to go to a concert
with you tomorrow.Copy !req
167. - Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
168. - Tomorr-oh.
But what about the mixer?Copy !req
169. - Jillian, forget the mixer.Copy !req
170. You've got a chance
to go on a date with...Copy !req
171. Jake.Copy !req
172. - Heisenripbauer.
- That name.Copy !req
173. - I already really like him.Copy !req
174. I might be in love.Copy !req
175. - Oh!
- Adam...Copy !req
176. Just pretend
your parents are here.Copy !req
177. - Ha-ha! That's the beginning
of a break dance, bud.Copy !req
178. I don't know the rest,
but I will learn it.Copy !req
179. - Yep-Copy !req
180. That, my friend,Copy !req
181. is totally loose butthole.Copy !req
182. - Excuse me?Copy !req
183. This entire outfit
is completely tight butthole.Copy !req
184. - It's definitely butthole
something.Copy !req
185. - You know what, why don't
you guys watch me do what I doCopy !req
186. when I do what I do
in the bow tie.Copy !req
187. Pff!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
188. - Gentlemen, Anders Holmvik.
TelAmeriCorp, sales assosh.Copy !req
189. Here's my card.
Take a couple.Copy !req
190. I got a bunch.
I got 'em all.Copy !req
191. Can I, uh, get
some of your cards?Copy !req
192. I'm a card shark.Copy !req
193. - Jeff,
this guy wants our cards.Copy !req
194. - Or, uh,
we could do Linkedln.Copy !req
195. Digital age.
We could do that.Copy !req
196. Linkedln.Copy !req
197. - Do I know this guy, Jeff?Copy !req
198. Wait a minute.Copy !req
199. This guy gave me his card
last year.Copy !req
200. - Yep.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
201. - You called me,
like, 25 times.Copy !req
202. - No, I called you
way more than that.Copy !req
203. - Whoa-ho-ho!Copy !req
204. Just the boo
I was looking for.Copy !req
205. Get in here.
- Where you going?Copy !req
206. - Just a little
hug-aroo for ya.Copy !req
207. - I'm sorry...
Do I know you?Copy !req
208. Ehh!Copy !req
209. No, we know each other.
Last year...Copy !req
210. in the stairwell,
we...Copy !req
211. Underneath the shirt,Copy !req
212. over the bra maneuv
from the back side.Copy !req
213. I like.
I'll say that.Copy !req
214. - I was drunker
than I thought.Copy !req
215. - Yeah, most def.
So...Copy !req
216. What has been popping off
in your world?Copy !req
217. I'm super interested.Copy !req
218. - Look, I don't want
to be rude, okay,Copy !req
219. but last year
was a gigantic mistake.Copy !req
220. - Oh, yeah, most def.
For sure.Copy !req
221. - You're, like, a five.
- Yeah.Copy !req
222. - And I'm looking for more of
like a nine or a ten, you know?Copy !req
223. - Oh, yeah, nine, ten, for sure.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
224. - Yeah, most def.
- Tall, rich, handsome.Copy !req
225. Can quote funny movies.
- Funny movies?Copy !req
226. Yeah, baby, yeah!Copy !req
227. - Okay.Copy !req
228. - It's ni-ice!Copy !req
229. It's ni-ice!Copy !req
230. - Worse things
have happened.Copy !req
231. - Ch!Copy !req
232. - This guy...Copy !req
233. - There he is.
Wheelchair guy.Copy !req
234. Just... cutting in line.Copy !req
235. - Go get him, dude.Copy !req
236. - Yeah.
- Get him!Copy !req
237. - Hey.Copy !req
238. Hey, you.Copy !req
239. Look who it is.Copy !req
240. - You are-Copy !req
241. Check it out, guys.Copy !req
242. Paula Poundstone here
is wearing shoulder pads!Copy !req
243. - You again.
What do you want?Copy !req
244. Hmm?Copy !req
245. - Ow.
- Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
246. Whoo! Ooh!Copy !req
247. - Still as rude as ever.
- This is stupid.Copy !req
248. I got to get in there.
She said I'm a five.Copy !req
249. Which is pretty good.Copy !req
250. - Out of what?Copy !req
251. - Five, I think.
I'm not sure.Copy !req
252. - Hey, Jillian.Copy !req
253. What?
No, I can't hear-Copy !req
254. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
255. Okay, yeah,
we'll come get you.Copy !req
256. I'm sorry.
We got to go.Copy !req
257. Jillian's date's,
like, a total psycho.Copy !req
258. - No, we're not going
anywhere.Copy !req
259. I haven't even gotten
a card yet.Copy !req
260. - Ders,
she was crying.Copy !req
261. - The sexy kind, though?Copy !req
262. - No. Like real tears.
Like Native American tears.Copy !req
263. - Blake, I'm not
gonna leave right now,Copy !req
264. Plus, it's not our faultCopy !req
265. that Jillian got stuck
at the stupid party...Copy !req
266. Except that I just realized
that it is our fault.Copy !req
267. - 100%.
- God damn it.Copy !req
268. She's at a concert.
How bad can a concert be?Copy !req
269. - Who the fuck
are these people?Copy !req
270. - Uh... they're Juggalos.Copy !req
271. You know, fans of
the Insane Clown Posse.Copy !req
272. Gentlemen, welcome to
the Dark Carnival of Souls.Copy !req
273. All right, guys, I know there's
a lot of really fun stuff here,Copy !req
274. but let's try not to
get sidetracked.Copy !req
275. - Sidetracked? This entire place
should be firebombed.Copy !req
276. - They all look like Satan.Copy !req
277. Aah! Oh!Copy !req
278. Hey, there you... are.Copy !req
279. - All right, let's split upCopy !req
280. and meet back here
in half an hour, let's say?Copy !req
281. Whoa! They've got
a hatchet throwing contest.Copy !req
282. Let's make it three hours,
huh?Copy !req
283. - Okay, Blake,
I know the smell of weirdCopy !req
284. gets your balls all tingly,Copy !req
285. but put on the blinders
and just find Jillian.Copy !req
286. - You're right.
I'm on the case.Copy !req
287. The Case to Find
the Missing Friend of Mine,Copy !req
288. by Blake Chesterfield
Henderson.Copy !req
289. - Okay, I call this way.
- I got that way.Copy !req
290. - Oh, Ders got to go
that way.Copy !req
291. - I'm gonna go this way.Copy !req
292. - No, I called-
I called that way.Copy !req
293. - I think that guy's
following me.Copy !req
294. - Fine.
I'll go this way.Copy !req
295. - Oh, excuse me.Copy !req
296. Oh, you dropped something,
buddy.Copy !req
297. Nope, that is poop.Copy !req
298. Human poop fell out of
your pants.Copy !req
299. That fell out.Copy !req
300. - Hey, sheep.Copy !req
301. You stray too far
from the herd,Copy !req
302. and the wolves will get you.Copy !req
303. - Okeydokey.
That's good advice.Copy !req
304. Cool costume.
- Hey.Copy !req
305. You're the one
wearing the costume-Copy !req
306. society's costume.Copy !req
307. - Oh, man.Copy !req
308. - Society's costume.Copy !req
309. - This is fun.
I'm gonna get going, though.Copy !req
310. - Why'? What are you
so afraid of, sheep boy?Copy !req
311. - I'm not afraid of anything,
except for maybe carbs,Copy !req
312. 'cause I'm in
a cutting phase right now.Copy !req
313. Those are nunchucks.
Whoa!Copy !req
314. That one got close.
All righty.Copy !req
315. - Poor little sheepyCopy !req
316. walking around
in your sheep clothingCopy !req
317. just thinking
your sheep thoughts.Copy !req
318. - Uh-huh.
- Do you want to continueCopy !req
319. to just be a faceless drone
in a bullshit society...Copy !req
320. Or do you want
to play with my boobs?Copy !req
321. - I'll put that hatchet
in your head-Copy !req
322. - Hey, guys, maybe
you could help me out.Copy !req
323. I'm kind of lost.
I'm looking for somebody.Copy !req
324. If you have a map
with a legend or anything...Copy !req
325. Okay, thank you.Copy !req
326. Jeez, it's hot.
It's like Hades.Copy !req
327. Hey, um, I see you got
some cold beverages here.Copy !req
328. You mind if I buy one
off of you guys?Copy !req
329. Honestly, I could go for
a vitaminwater or a juice.Copy !req
330. Hell, at this point,
I'd take a Dasani.Copy !req
331. Okay, if you can hear me,Copy !req
332. I'm gonna put $5 right here on
your gross, inflatable cooler.Copy !req
333. And, uh... a Faygo.
What is a Faygo?Copy !req
334. You've got Redpop,
Moon Mist.Copy !req
335. Do you have anything
that's not Faygo,Copy !req
336. besides Red Rock-
- Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
337. You all right there, camper?
You look lost.Copy !req
338. - Oh, do I? Thank you,
Detective Zoobilee Zoo.Copy !req
339. Unless you have
some SchweppesCopy !req
340. or something like
a Nantucket Nectar, get lost.Copy !req
341. - Okay, easy, man.
I'm just trying to help.Copy !req
342. If you like Fresca-Copy !req
343. - Oh, my God.
Is this Fresca?Copy !req
344. Oh, Fresca.Copy !req
345. - Well, actually,
that's Faygo Moon Mist.Copy !req
346. - Really'?Copy !req
347. - Booyah, bitch!Copy !req
348. - Awesome, dude.
Can I give it a try?Copy !req
349. - Go for it, ninja.
Crack that dome.Copy !req
350. Yeah.
- Okay, you're askin' for it.Copy !req
351. I'm gonna just
split you open.Copy !req
352. - Sweet spot.
- This one's for Dad.Copy !req
353. ' Bah!Copy !req
354. - Whoa.Copy !req
355. Is that Jillian?Copy !req
356. - Sometimes I look at myself
in the mirror,Copy !req
357. and I'm like...Copy !req
358. who are you, Adam?Copy !req
359. - I bet you lift weightsCopy !req
360. to try to look like
those juiceheadsCopy !req
361. in the magazines.Copy !req
362. - Guilty as charged!Copy !req
363. I'm just a lat guy,
you know?Copy !req
364. I've got these amazing lats,
and...Copy !req
365. I'm just living in
an ab guy's world.Copy !req
366. - It doesn't matter.Copy !req
367. Because now you are...Copy !req
368. Sugar Bear.Copy !req
369. - Sugar Bear.
That is...Copy !req
370. Nice.
I like that.Copy !req
371. But what if we chose
a different name like...Copy !req
372. Dangerous...Copy !req
373. you know, Wolf,
or something,Copy !req
374. something
that has an edge to it.Copy !req
375. No?
- No.Copy !req
376. - All right.
Yeah, Sugar Bear.Copy !req
377. That's a good one.
I like that too.Copy !req
378. - Five, four, three, two...Copy !req
379. - You want another?Copy !req
380. Please,
it's the least I can do.Copy !req
381. Ro, can you grab
another Faygo for Anders?Copy !req
382. - Oh, sure, hon.
- Thanks.Copy !req
383. It's just so hot out here.
It's so good.Copy !req
384. - It's a good beverage.Copy !req
385. Thanks, sweetie.Copy !req
386. Let me know if you want me
to take Becca.Copy !req
387. - Okay.
- Hi, pumpkin.Copy !req
388. Daddy loves you.
Bye!Copy !req
389. - Oh, you got a great family.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
390. - I got to ask, what-
what brings a guy like youCopy !req
391. to a place like this?Copy !req
392. - Ah! Direct.
I like that.Copy !req
393. Uh, I tell you,
it started two years agoCopy !req
394. when I came to my first
Juggalo concertCopy !req
395. to sell hatchets.Copy !req
396. - Wait.
You're in sales?Copy !req
397. I'm in sales too!
TelAmeriCorp.Copy !req
398. - T.A.C.?
- Yeah.Copy !req
399. - Get out! I did business
with them a few years ago.Copy !req
400. Hey, Ro, Anders here
works for TelAmeriCorp!Copy !req
401. - Oh, my God.
Really'?Copy !req
402. - That is a piss.
You know what?Copy !req
403. I like the cut of your jib.Copy !req
404. Let me give you
my business card.Copy !req
405. Maybe we can toss each other
a little business.Copy !req
406. - Yeah, that'd be great.
Thank you.Copy !req
407. Do you, uh-
do you want my card?Copy !req
408. - Sure. I'd love it.
- All right.Copy !req
409. We'll just exchange cards.
- Yeah.Copy !req
410. - So the makeup, that's-Copy !req
411. that's part of
the sales thing, right?Copy !req
412. - No, it's gonna sound crazy,Copy !req
413. but we actually have fun here.Copy !req
414. Get this,
last weekend in Fresno,Copy !req
415. they even got me on stage
to do a rapping battle.Copy !req
416. - You rapped?Copy !req
417. - Well, I'm no ODB, but...Copy !req
418. They don't judge you here.Copy !req
419. You want to give it a shot,
just let me know.Copy !req
420. Yeah, boy!Copy !req
421. - Will the friends
of Karl HevacheckCopy !req
422. report to the first aid tent?Copy !req
423. - Jillian?
Jillian. Hey.Copy !req
424. - Blake!
What are you doing here?Copy !req
425. - Uh, I'm here to save you.
You called us.Copy !req
426. - Oh, did I not call you back?
Everything's fine.Copy !req
427. You should stay
at the mixer.Copy !req
428. - Wow, you are super drunk,
aren't you, Jillian?Copy !req
429. - Whoop-whoop
whoop-whoop-whoop!Copy !req
430. That's the Juggalo's call.Copy !req
431. - All right, come on.
I'm gonna get you out of here.Copy !req
432. Let's go get some
wine and cheese.Copy !req
433. - Whoa! Who's this
fake-ass Juggaho?Copy !req
434. - Dr. Neden,
you know Blake.Copy !req
435. Hey, Blake, "neden"
is Juggalo for "pussy."Copy !req
436. So I'm definitely getting
that dong near this thong.Copy !req
437. - Oh, wow.
Okay, great.Copy !req
438. Um, no, but actually,
I don't know who this guy is.Copy !req
439. I'll explain that
to you later.Copy !req
440. - She's not goin' anywhere
with you.Copy !req
441. And if you touch her,Copy !req
442. I'll knock your
dick-tickler off your face, son.Copy !req
443. - Wha-
- He means your mustache.Copy !req
444. - Oh, you're saying
I tickle-Copy !req
445. No.
Uh-uh.Copy !req
446. Everywhere I turn, it's bullies.
Big, fat bullies.Copy !req
447. - Whatever,
Paula Poundstone.Copy !req
448. Paula Poundstone.Copy !req
449. No!
You're goin' down!Copy !req
450. Oh, boy!
- Blake!Copy !req
451. - Aah!
Oh... fuck!Copy !req
452. - I think he's dead.
- Wakey bakey.Copy !req
453. - Aah! Monsters!
- Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
454. It's us.
You're safe now.Copy !req
455. - Ders, Adam?Copy !req
456. Why is Jillian hanging out
with that bully still?Copy !req
457. - She's fine.
We're all fine.Copy !req
458. Especially her.Copy !req
459. Let me see
them titties, girl.Copy !req
460. - Blake, it turns out,Copy !req
461. we found everything
we were looking forCopy !req
462. right here
at the Dark Carnival of Souls.Copy !req
463. - That's great, and forgive me
for not celebrating,Copy !req
464. but I've just had
a really horrible day,Copy !req
465. and I'd like to go home,
drink a box of wine,Copy !req
466. maybe take a warm bath,Copy !req
467. and gently masturbate
myself to sleep, okay?Copy !req
468. Aah! My back!
- Hey! No, come on.Copy !req
469. Up you go, up you go.
In the chair.Copy !req
470. - Well, you're not going home
to masturbate just yet.Copy !req
471. - I didn't say
I was gonna masturbate.Copy !req
472. - We're gonna go back
to the mixer, buddy.Copy !req
473. Show those Juggahos
how we do.Copy !req
474. - Blake, what's the tightest
thing in the world?Copy !req
475. - Buttholes.Copy !req
476. - Yes.
Ideally, a butthole.Copy !req
477. Yeah.
A butthole.Copy !req
478. But I was talking about
the bonds of a family.Copy !req
479. A psychopathic family.Copy !req
480. So what do you say?Copy !req
481. - Oh, hello.
Look what we have here.Copy !req
482. - Whoa!
What the hell?Copy !req
483. - Mmm, jealousy
does not look good on you.Copy !req
484. - Who are you?Copy !req
485. - Does this maneuv
ring any bells?Copy !req
486. Ohh.
Stairwell?Copy !req
487. Oh, wait, there's no bra here,
and I like that much better.Copy !req
488. - This is so weird.Copy !req
489. - My tits are telling me
to sleep with you.Copy !req
490. - Mmm, I like what
your tits have to say.Copy !req
491. - So do I.Copy !req
492. - Oh, God.Copy !req
493. - Done deals.
- Guess what, chumps.Copy !req
494. I don't even need
your card anymore,Copy !req
495. because I've got
the king of cards.Copy !req
496. - Hey, Jeff,
look who's back.Copy !req
497. - Davis King,Copy !req
498. number one hatchet salesman
in the southwest region.Copy !req
499. Bah!Copy !req
500. Score for the Ders!Copy !req
501. - Jeff, what's a Der?Copy !req
502. - Fuck you, dude.
- Nice makeup.Copy !req
503. - The Der-
I get called the Ders.Copy !req
504. - Hey.Copy !req
505. - What's this?
Making fun of me?Copy !req
506. - Quite the quan-trary.Copy !req
507. I'm here for something
totally different.Copy !req
508. - Good.
- And that's to say I'm sorry.Copy !req
509. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
510. You see, I've learned
a lot about family today.Copy !req
511. And much like buttholes,
families are meant to be tight.Copy !req
512. - 'Scuse me?
- Look, man...Copy !req
513. We're all family, okay'?
And I...Copy !req
514. I know what it's like
to be trapped in a chair.Copy !req
515. I've been in this seat prison
for, like, 25 minutes now.Copy !req
516. It's rough.
But you know what?Copy !req
517. Even though you have been
a jerk to me...Copy !req
518. I still love ya.Copy !req
519. - Thanks, man.Copy !req
520. Got a lot of...
anger I need to work through.Copy !req
521. Tend to push people away.Copy !req
522. - Hey, less pushing,
more hugging-what do you say?Copy !req
523. Get in here.
- All right.Copy !req
524. - Dr. Neden, no!Copy !req
525. - You mess with my family,
you mess with me!Copy !req
526. - No,
Jake Heisenripbauer!Copy !req
527. - That's right, ninja.
Time to suck this nunchuck!Copy !req
528. - So let's not hang out
with Juggalos anymore.Copy !req
529. - They are who we thought
they were.Copy !req
530. - Walking, talking
diarrhea people.Copy !req
531. - Big Money Hustla's
coming to Thanksgiving.Copy !req
532. Those are her boobs.
Oh, my God!Copy !req
533. - Nice!Copy !req