1. - THERE'S DEFINITELY
SOMETHING IN THERE.
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2. - OKAY, JUST TELL
ME WHAT HAPPENED.
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3. - WELL, I WAS WATCHING HELL
DATE AS USUAL LAST NIGHT,
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4. AND I WAS EATING PRETZEL
RODS, AND I PASSED OUT.
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5. SO I THINK I, LIKE,
ROLLED ON ONE
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6. AND IT BROKE OFF IN
MY EAR OR SOMETHING.
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7. - MAYBE I'VE JUST BEEN PUNCHING
YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, DUDE.
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8. DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT MAYBE?
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9. - THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
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10. - OH, IT MAKES MORE SENSE
THAN YOU EVEN KNOW, ANDERS.
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11. - WELL, SO HAVE YOU THEN?
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12. - OKAY.
- MAYBE.
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13. - ALL RIGHT, JUST STAY STILL,
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14. BECAUSE I DEFINITELY
SEE SOMETHING IN THERE.
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15. - WELL, GET IT OUT!
- OKAY, OKAY.
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16. JUST TAKE SOME DEEP BREATHS.
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17. ADAM, CAN YOU HAND ME
THOSE TWEEZERS, PLEASE?
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18. - WHAT DO YOU NEED
TWEEZERS FOR, MAN? JUST...
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19. - TWEEZE ME.
- THANK YOU.
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20. ALL RIGHT NOW, JUST HOLD STILL.
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21. I DON'T WANNA
RUPTURE ANY VESSELS.
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22. - WHAT?
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23. OH, SWEET JESUS.
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24. - WHAT? WHAT IS IT?
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25. WHAT'S IN THERE?
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26. WHAT IS IT? WHAT? WHAT IS IT?
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27. - IT'S A BABY COCKROACH!
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28. - NO, SIR, IT'S NOT
JUST A WASHCLOTH.
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29. THIS ZIPS INTO
YOUR UTILITY BELT.
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30. AND IF YOU'RE ON A BOAT, IT
GOES OVERBOARD, IT FLOATS.
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31. I KNOW YOU'RE NOT A CHILD, SIR.
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32. WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T
BE DOING BUSINESS.
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33. WELL, THAT'S FINE. FINE.
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34. NO, OKAY, WELL, I GUESS
WE'RE NOT DOING BUSINESS.
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35. - CHECK OUT OUR HOUSE,
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36. IT LOOKS LIKE A
TOTAL CIRCUS TENT.
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37. - UGH.
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38. THAT LOOKS LIKE A
POISONOUS DEATH TRAP, DUDE.
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39. - HOW'S THAT?
- IF I WERE A KID,
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40. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHERE I WOULD HIDE.
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41. INSTEAD OF, LIKE, MAKING
AWESOME CIRCUS TENTS
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42. THAT KIDS WANNA HIDE IN,
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43. THEY SHOULD JUST WRITE
"HOMEWORK STORE" ON IT,
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44. OR "HOMEWORK TOWN."
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45. KIDS DON'T WANNA GO
TO HOMEWORK TOWN.
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46. DEAD KID PROBLEM SOLVED.
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47. - YEAH, OR THEN WE'D HAVE
SOME DEAD, REALLY SMART KIDS.
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48. - WELL, MAYBE IF YOU GUYS
DIDN'T TREAT OUR HOUSE
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49. LIKE THE PISS DITCH
AT BURNING MAN,
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50. WE WOULDN'T HAVE
TO GET IT FUMIGATED.
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51. - DERS. YOU'RE
THE BEDTIME MANIAC
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52. WHO PASSES OUT WITH PRETZELS
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53. AND WAKES UP WITH
LITTLE BRAIN BUGS.
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54. - NEVERTHELESS...
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55. WE HAVE NOWHERE TO
SLEEP FOR THREE DAYS.
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56. - COME ON, GUYS,
THIS IS OUR CHANCE
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57. TO TAKE THAT CAMPING TRIP
WE'VE NEVER TALKED ABOUT.
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58. - YEAH, LET'S BUCKLE UP FOR
SOME HIGH-SPEED BRO BONDAGE.
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59. - YEAH, IT'S FREE, IT'S FUN,
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60. AND YOU JUST MIGHT
LEARN SOMETHING.
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61. - EXCUSE ME, COULD
YOU MOVE THIS BOX
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62. SO I CAN GET TO THE OUTLET?
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63. - NO PROB, BOB.
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64. - IT'S BRET.
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65. - NO SWEAT, BRET.
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66. - WHOA.
- WHOA!
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67. - LOOK AT THIS.
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68. FINALLY FOUND A T-SHIRT
THAT'S GONNA HOUSE
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69. THOSE BODACIOUS "C"
CUPS OF YOURS, DERS.
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70. COME ON, GIVE ME A
LITTLE SHAKE, BABY.
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71. COME ON, MAMA. SHAKE IT FOR US.
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72. YEAH!
- SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE IT.
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73. - YEAH.
- HOW DOES HE DO THAT?
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74. - UH, MAGNIFICENT.
- WHOO, WHOO!
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75. - AND LET'S GIVE
ONE TO BRET HERE.
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76. IT'S A PARTING GIFT.
THANKS, BUDDY.
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77. - THANK YOU.
- YOU EARNED IT.
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78. - OH, THAT'S HOW
IT'S GONNA BE, HUH?
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79. THIS NERD SHOW UP FOR
ONE DAY TO DO MY JOB,
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80. I'M HERE EVERY DAY...
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81. Y'ALL NEVER GAVE ME A T-SHIRT.
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82. - MONTEZ, THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE NOT AN I.T. GUY.
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83. - OKAY, I'M NOT AN I.T. GUY.
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84. ALL RIGHT, WHO TOOK THAT
PORNADO OFF HIS COMPUTER? HMM?
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85. WHO SENT Y'ALL ALL
THEM DOPE WEB VIDEOS?
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86. REMEMBER THAT
CHOCOLATE RAIN, HUH?
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87. WHAT ABOUT THAT GIF
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88. WHERE THE PENGUIN
FELL THROUGH THE ICE?
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89. - YEAH.
- REMEMBER THAT ONE?
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90. AND THAT LEROY JENKINS JOINT?
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91. THAT WAS NEXT LEVEL.
- YEAH, THAT WAS GOOD.
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92. BUT IT CAME OUT,
LIKE, FIVE YEARS AGO.
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93. - YOU DON'T RESPECT
THE CLASSICS.
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94. WHAT'S NEXT, HE GONNA
BUTTFUCK MOZART?
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95. - EW.
- HERE YOU GO.
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96. - I APPRECIATE IT.
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97. WAYMOND, LOOK WHAT THEY GAVE ME.
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98. NUH, AH! THAT'S NOT
FOR YOU. COME ON.
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99. YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO
GET STUFF THAT'S NOT YOURS.
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100. - THAT WAS NICE OF YOU.
- THANKS, BUDDY.
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101. - GOOD JOB.
- OH!
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102. - YOU OKAY?
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103. HERE, SPIT IT OUT.
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104. - ARE YOU READY TO GO
CAMPING TONIGHT, BROTHER?
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105. - ROGER THAT, RANGER
RICK. WE ARE ALL SET.
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106. GOT THOSE SHROOMS FROM KARL
THAT HE BROUGHT FROM CHICO.
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107. I'M TALKING BRAIN MELTER.
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108. - I DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF I WANNA DO ANY.
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109. - WHAT?
- I'M SCARED.
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110. YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL DO A COUPLE.
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111. - HA HA! THAT'S MY GUY.
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112. - ONE OR TWO. NOT
TOO MANY, THOUGH.
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113. I WANNA BE APPROPRIATE
WITH THOSE, FOR SURE.
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114. - WANNA DO SOME RIGHT NOW?
- HEY.
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115. - HEY, DICKHOLES.
- ALICE, HEY.
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116. - SO I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'VE HEARD THIS OR NOT,
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117. BUT THERE'S BEEN A
SERIES OF BURGLARIES
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118. IN CARS IN THE AREA.
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119. ANYWAY, WE'RE GONNA
BE BEEFING UP SECURITY,
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120. SO I JUST WANTED TO
LET YOU KNOW THAT.
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121. - I HOPE THEY DON'T PUT
ANY LANGUAGE ALARMS IN,
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122. BECAUSE YOU CUSS A LOT.
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123. - YOU WON'T NEED TOO
MUCH EXTRA SECURITY,
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124. BECAUSE WE'VE ALREADY GOT
SIRS VEIGH AND LANCE RIGHT HERE.
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125. SIRS VEIGHLANCE, VEY.
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126. - WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?
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127. - ANYWAYS, I COULD WALK
YOU TO YOUR CAR TONIGHT
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128. IF YOU WERE WORRIED
ABOUT THE BURGLARS.
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129. - WOW. ADAM, THAT WOULD BE...
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130. ACTUALLY, THAT
WOULD BE REALLY GREAT.
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131. - REALLY?
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132. - NO, YOU FUCKHEAD.
OF COURSE NOT.
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133. AH.
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134. - YOU THINK WALKING TO MY CAR
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135. WITH A FOUR-FOOT 12-YEAR-OLD
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136. IS REALLY GONNA SPOOK
AWAY ANY BAD GUYS?
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137. I DON'T THINK SO.
- FOUR-FOOT-TALL 12-YEAR-OLD...
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138. I CAN BENCH PRESS
220, SO WHATEVER.
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139. - JUST SHUT UP, ADAM.
- RIGHT ON.
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140. - HEY.
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141. - BUT IT TURNS OUT THE
WHOLE ENTIRE CAMP...
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142. WAS HAUNTED.
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143. OH. THAT WAS SCARY!
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144. BRO, YOU TOTALLY JUST
M. MIKE SALOMON-ED ME.
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145. - M. MIKE. NOW HE'S
A REAL STORYTELLER.
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146. - DUDE, TELL THAT STORY AGAIN.
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147. BUT THIS TIME...
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148. ON SHROOMS.
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149. - OOH. OKEYDOKE.
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150. - PLEASE DON'T, I DON'T
NEED TO HEAR ABOUT
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151. HOW SOME GUY IS GETTING
RAPED WITH A BUZZ SAW AGAIN.
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152. - UH, IT WAS A CHAINSAW, DERS.
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153. HOW'S A GHOST GONNA RAPE
SOMEONE WITH A BUZZ SAW?
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154. IDIOT.
- EITHER WAY,
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155. COME GET SOME OF
KARL'S GRODY TOADSTOOLS.
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156. - YUM.
- MMM.
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157. - MMM.
- MMM.
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158. - DERS, YOU WANT IN ON THIS?
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159. - I THINK DERS SHOULD
MAYBE TAKE A LITTLE NAPAROO.
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160. - LET US WOLVES HOWL
AT THE MOON LIKE WE DO.
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161. OW!
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162. I'M A COYOTE WITH SUNGLASSES.
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163. - YEAH, YOU ARE. WOOF.
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164. - OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, DICKHEADS,
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165. I'M NOT GOING TO BED. IT'S 7:45.
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166. AND SECONDLY WHY
DO YOU THINK I WOULD
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167. LET YOU DRINK ALL MY KAHLUA
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168. AND NOT EXPECT ME TO WANT
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169. SOME OF YOUR DRUG
STUFF IN RETURN?
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170. - THIS WILL MAKE YOUR
BRAIN GO ALL LIKE...
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171. AND YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT.
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172. - ADAM, I CAN DO A DRUG, OKAY?
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173. I CAN DROP SHROOMS.
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174. PLUS, I DON'T WANNA
BABYSIT YOU GUYS ALL NIGHT.
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175. - HEY, ADAM...
DERS CAN HAVE ONE.
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176. A LITTLE DOGGY, A LITTLE PUP.
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177. BUT HEY, DON'T
YOU FLIP OUT ON ME.
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178. I DON'T WANT YOU JUST
THROWING BOWS, OKAY?
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179. GOTTA BE COOL.
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180. - BLAKE, I'M A PRETTY COOL GUY.
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181. GET WITH THE SHOWGRAM.
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182. - TO ME, THEY TASTE LIKE
CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH.
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183. MINUS THE CINNAMON.
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184. AND THE CRUNCH AS WELL.
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185. - OH, MY GOD, YOU
GUYS DO THESE A LOT?
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186. 'CAUSE THEY'RE GROSS.
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187. IT TASTES LIKE WHAT I THINK
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188. RUMPELSTILTSKIN
MIGHT TASTE LIKE.
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189. - THEY'RE GOOD, RIGHT?
- OH, YEAH.
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190. - DO YOUR LEGS
FEEL LIKE PUDDINGS?
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191. - SWIMMING IN THE
SWIMMING POOL OF LIFE.
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192. - IMAGINE THIS IS THE NUCLEUS,
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193. AND WE'RE ALL LITTLE NEURONS.
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194. - ARE WE IN THE LIGHTHOUSE?
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195. - WILL YOU TAKE THIS
WORLD BY STORM?
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196. OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
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197. - THIS ONE GOES OUT TO THE
LATE, GREAT JOHN CANDY, MON!
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198. - WE ARE THE BOBSLED TEAM.
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199. - MA MA SE, MA MA SA, MA COO SA.
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200. - AM I TRIPPING, OR DID I JUST
SEE TWO DUDES IN THERE?
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201. - WE'VE GOT COMPANY.
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202. - TAKE IT. GET IT,
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT.
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203. - OW, WHO IS THAT? ADAM?
- THAT'S OKAY.
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204. - GO, GO, GO.
- LET IT DOWN EASY.
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205. LET HER DOWN EASY.
- SHH, QUIET.
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206. - THERE ARE ACTUAL
ROBBERS HERE RIGHT NOW!
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207. IS ANYONE GONNA
HELP ME DEFLATE THIS?
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208. - OH, SO NOW YOU WANNA GO
ON A MAGIC CARPET RIDE, HUH?
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209. - I JUST WANNA HAVE A
PLAN TO GET OUT OF HERE.
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210. - WE COULD START ROBBING
THE PLACE OURSELVES,
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211. AND THEN WHEN WE SEE THE
BURGLARS WE CAN BE LIKE,
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212. "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
YOU GUYS ARE BURGLARING THIS?
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213. I THOUGHT WE HAD THIS TODAY."
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214. - ARE YOU INSANE?
I'M CALLING THE COPS.
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215. - UGH. GET OVER YOURSELF.
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216. - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
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217. - OKAY, NO. ALL RIGHT?
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218. BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE
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219. WE HAVE BROKEN MORE
LAWS THAN THE BURGLARS.
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220. WE'RE TRESPASSING,
I DID SOME THINGS
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221. IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM
I SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT,
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222. AND WE HAVE A TON OF DRUGS.
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223. - DO WE? I CAN TAKE
CARE OF THAT FOR US.
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224. TEAMWORK FOR MY FRIENDS.
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225. - OKAY, IS THAT THE SMARTEST
THING TO DO RIGHT NOW?
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226. GET MORE SHROOMED OUT?
- MM-HMM.
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227. DERS, THIS IS OUR NIGHT
AT THE MUSEUM, OKAY?
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228. AND THIS EXHIBIT,
HE'S COMING TO LIFE.
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229. - HOW MANY SHROOMS
HAVE YOU DROPPED?
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230. - A LOT.
- HOW MANY?
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231. HOW MANY SHROOMS
HAVE YOU DROPPED?
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232. HOW MANY SHROOMS
HAVE YOU DROPPED?
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233. - A LOT.
- HEY, I'VE GOT IT.
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234. IT'S SO OBVIOUS, IT'S SO SIMPLE,
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235. THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT COMING.
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236. LET'S WALK RIGHT
OUT THE FRONT DOOR.
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237. - BLAKE!
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238. YOU'RE THE SMARTEST GUY I KNOW.
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239. YOU'RE LIKE BO JACKSON.
- ADAM...
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240. INSIDE VOICES.
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241. - OH, MY GOD, WE'RE DEAD.
WE'RE DEAD, WE'RE DEAD.
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242. - WE'RE NOT GONNA
GET MURDERED, DERS.
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243. WE'RE NOT GONNA GET
STABBED REPEATEDLY
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244. IN THE FACE AND BODY,
AND LEFT FOR DEAD.
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245. - ADAM, THE ENTIRE
BUILDING IS LOCKED DOWN.
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246. THE FRONT DOOR'S
THE ONLY WAY OUT.
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247. I THINK ONE OF THOSE GUYS
HAD A GUN ON HIS PERSON.
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248. - NO, THAT'S IT. IT'S SO
OBVIOUS, IT'S SO SIMPLE.
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249. THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT COMING.
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250. WE GO THROUGH THE BIGGEST
FRONT DOOR OF THEM ALL...
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251. THE ROOF.
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252. LET'S GO.
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253. SHH.
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254. - OKAY, COOL, WHERE'S
THE FIRE ESCAPE?
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255. - WELL, THERE IS NO FIRE ESCAPE,
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256. BUT MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD
OF THE CLASSIC TALE
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257. BY... WHO WROTE RAPUNZEL?
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258. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
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259. - WHATEVER, I'LL JUMP.
I DON'T CARE, DUDE.
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260. - PLEASE DO.
- NO, NO, I'M SERIOUS.
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261. LIKE, WE SHOULD PONYTAIL
OUR CLOTHES TOGETHER,
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262. AND RAPUNZEL DOWN.
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263. - YOU MEAN RAPPEL.
- NO, RAPUNZEL.
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264. ACTUALLY, CURIOUSLY,
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265. THAT'S WHERE THE WORD
"RAPPEL" COMES FROM.
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266. "RAPUNZEL."
- NO, IT'S NOT.
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267. BUT THAT'S NOT
A BAD IDEA; I'M IN.
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268. - OKAY.
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269. - ARE YOU GUYS COLD?
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270. WHAT? THEY'RE SPANX, ALL RIGHT?
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271. HAVEN'T BEEN TO
THE GYM A LOT LATELY
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272. AND THEY KEEP ME TIGHT.
- IS THAT WHY YOU'RE FLEXING?
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273. - I'M NOT FLEXING
RIGHT NOW, DUDE.
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274. ARE YOU FLEXING?
- DEFINITELY NOT FLEXING.
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275. - YOU'RE FLEXING FOR SURE.
- NO, YOU'RE FLEXING.
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276. - YOU'RE FLEXING, DUDE.
- I'M NOT FLEXING RIGHT NOW.
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277. - I'M A STRESS EATER.
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278. AND I'VE BEEN
EATING A LOT LATELY,
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279. SO I NEED SPANX.
- OKAY, YES.
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280. - ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT?
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281. - YOU'RE STRESS EATING
SOME HIGH-CLASS BOOMERS.
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282. I NEED YOU FOCUSED.
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283. - FINE, I'M THE BEST
THROWER ANYWAY.
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284. - NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!
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285. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- STOP!
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286. STOP! STOP, STOP!
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287. STOP IT, ADAM! STOP!
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288. STO... YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!
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289. - WE START BRINGING
GUNS TO WORK, MAN.
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290. THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE
THIS ISSUE, LIKE, EVER.
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291. WE WOULD JUST BE LIKE,
"YOU'RE ROBBING US?"
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292. - YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
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293. GUNS ARE AT LEAST
TWO-HANDED SWORDS.
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294. - SWORD? CUT ME, BRO.
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295. CUT ME... BRO.
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296. - SHUT UP.
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297. ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?
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298. - ARE YOU FLEXING AGAIN?
- NO.
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299. - YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE.
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300. - I'M NOT FLEXING
RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE.
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301. - YEAH, I ALWAYS AM.
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302. AND YOU NEED TO TAKE
SOME TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY
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303. AND WORK ON YOUR BODY,
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304. 'CAUSE IT'S AN
EMBARRASSMENT, BRO.
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305. - COME ON, LET'S GO. WE'RE
NOT SAFE HERE ANYMORE.
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306. - WHOA. I JUST GOT
AN AWESOME IDEA.
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307. - STOP IT.
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308. THOSE SHROOMS YOU MADE ME TAKE
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309. ARE MAKING ME
SICK TO MY STOMACH.
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310. - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, BROTHER.
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311. THOSE SHROOMS
WERE ALL YOU, BUDDY.
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312. - DERS, SUCCUMBING
TO PEER PRESSURE.
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313. WHAT'S NEW, DERS?
- I DON'T DO THAT.
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314. - WHAT'S NEW, DERS?
- WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
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315. WE HAVE TO GO!
- CAN FLY IN THIS THING.
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316. - ADAM, YOU CAN'T FLY.
- I'M LIKE ONE OF
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317. THOSE DRAGONS FROM
AVATAR, REMEMBER?
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318. THEY FLEW ON THEM.
THEY WERE LIKE...
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319. - ADAM, STOP.
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320. ADAM, I CANNOT
HANDLE THIS ANY MORE.
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321. I'M GONNA GO WAIT
IN THE BATHROOM.
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322. STOP IT. I'M GOING
TO THE BATHROOM.
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323. - BYE-BYE. T-T-Y-L.
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324. LOL. JK.
- GIVE ME THE STAPLER.
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325. NOT ABOUT TO BE THE
ONLY GUY WITHOUT IT.
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326. - HOW MANY?
- TWO.
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327. THERE YOU GO
AGAIN, OVERACHIEVING.
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328. MISS YOU, DUDE.
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329. - AHH.
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330. OH, MAN, THAT'S COOL-LOOKING.
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331. GOD DAMN IT.
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332. - I GOT YOU, BABY.
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333. - WHOA.
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334. DUDE, HE JUST SENT
ME A PICTURE OF A KNIFE.
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335. I THINK HE MIGHT
REALLY BE IN TROUBLE.
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336. - OH, MY GOD, A
PHOTO OF A KNIFE?
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337. TERRIFYING.
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338. I'VE GOT ABOUT TWO
MORE HOURS ON THIS
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339. AND THEN WE'LL GET TO GO HOME.
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340. OKAY? BELIEVE IN ME.
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341. - ADAM, YOU KNOW OUR MOTTO.
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342. NO DERS LEFT BEHIND.
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343. - THE THING ABOUT DERS IS...
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344. HE'S SUPPOSED TO DIE TONIGHT.
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345. I'M ON A REAL SPIRITUAL
HIGH RIGHT NOW, BROTHER.
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346. REAL HIGH.
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347. IT'S THE PROPHECY.
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348. IT WAS FORETOLD, LIKE, A
1,000 YEARS BEFORE DINOSAURS.
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349. - AND AS COOL AS THAT SOUNDS,
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350. HOW AWESOME WOULD IT
BE TO DENY THE PROPHECY?
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351. - LET'S DO IT FOR THE DINOSAURS.
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352. - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
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353. - I THINK THAT MEANS
LET'S GO SAVE DERS.
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354. - ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY.
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355. - WELL, WELL, WELL.
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356. THE SERVER ROOM. WHAT
ARE THESE GUYS UP TO?
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357. - JACKPOT.
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358. - THIS IS BIGGER
THAN WE THOUGHT.
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359. NO, PLEASE DON'T CUT ME.
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360. YOU CAME BACK.
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361. I ALMOST JUST KILLED YOU.
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362. - ARE YOU OKAY?
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363. - I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT WORRIED.
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364. - I SHOULDN'T HAVE
LEFT YOU GUYS.
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365. YOU GUYS ARE MY ROCKS.
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366. THANK YOU.
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367. LOOK, WE ARE NOT SAFE HERE.
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368. - NO ONE'S SAFE.
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369. THEY GOT IN THE SERVER ROOM,
HACKED INTO THE NETWORKS.
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370. - I KNOW I'M REALLY
HIGH RIGHT NOW, GUYS,
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371. BUT I DON'T THINK
I'M EXAGGERATING
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372. WHEN I SAY THIS GOES ALL THE
WAY UP TO THE VICE PRESIDENT
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373. OF THE CONTINENTAL
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
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374. - BIDEN.
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375. HOW ARE WE GONNA
GET OUT OF HERE?
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376. - WE AREN'T.
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377. WE'VE GOTTA STAND
UP FOR JUSTICE.
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378. WE'RE GONNA PROTECT WHAT'S OURS
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379. AND TAKE BACK WHAT WE NEVER HAD,
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380. BECAUSE IF THE HISTORY
CHANNEL TAUGHT US ANYTHING
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381. BESIDES THE CULTURE
OF ICE ROAD TRUCKING,
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382. IT'S THAT HISTORY DEFINES
MEN BY MOMENTS AND SHIT.
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383. AND GENTLEDUDES,
THIS IS OUR MOMENT.
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384. BECAUSE IF WE DON'T LEARN
FROM HISTORY CHANNEL...
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385. WE'RE DOOMED TO
REPEAT HISTORY CHANNEL.
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386. - LET'S GO KILL THESE DUDES.
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387. - I DIDN'T CRY FOR NO REASON.
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388. - OKAY, SO WHAT'RE
WE LOOKING AT HERE?
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389. - THIS IS THE BURGLAR BUSTER.
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390. IT'S BASICALLY THE ELIMINATOR
FROM AMERICAN GLADIATORS,
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391. MIXED WITH ALL THE COOL
LASER PARTS FROM ENTRAPMENT...
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392. YOU KNOW, THE CATHERINE
ZETA-JONES VEHICLE.
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393. - YEAH, IT'S A CLASSIC.
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394. BUT HOW DO WE KNOW
THIS IS GOING TO WORK?
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395. - BECAUSE IT WAS
DESIGNED BY THE BEST.
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396. - I'LL GET ON THE P.A.
TO GET THEIR ATTENTION,
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397. THEN USING ADAM AS BAIT,
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398. WE LURE THEM
THROUGH OUR GAUNTLET.
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399. FIRST UP, THE LAZER JUNGLE.
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400. - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO DO?
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401. - PHYSICALLY? NOTHING.
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402. BUT MENTALLY...
TOTAL DESTRUCTION.
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403. - OOH, I LIKE THAT.
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404. - THEN ADAM TRIGGERS THE
WATER JUG PENDULUMS OF DEATH,
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405. DRIVING THEM INTO...
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406. OUR ETHER-NET.
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407. WHICH, YOU GUESSED IT, IS
A NET OF ETHERNET CABLES.
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408. AND IF THESE GUYS HAPPEN
TO BE SUPER-SHREDDER STATUS
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409. AND GET THROUGH ALL OF THAT,
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410. THEN I'LL BE THERE WITH
OUR LAST LINE OF DEFENSE...
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411. JUST PLAIN OLD
SHARPENED BROOMSTICKS.
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412. JUST LIKE THAT
SCENE IN BRAVEHEART.
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413. - ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.
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414. - WE'RE DOING IT.
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415. - WARNING.
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416. YOU HAVE ACTIVATED
THE LASER ALARM SYSTEM.
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417. THESE ARE NOT LASER POINTERS.
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418. THEY'RE REAL LASERS THAT
BURN THROUGH HUMAN FLESH.
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419. YOU'RE PROBABLY LIKE...
LASERS IN AN OFFICE BUIL...
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420. ANYWAYS, YOU SHOULD
BE REALLY FREAKED OUT.
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421. ADAM, THAT'S YOUR CUE.
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422. - LEROY JENKINS!
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423. - GOD DAMN IT, LEROY.
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424. - SORRY, I HAD TO DO IT.
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425. I'M KIND OF A MAVERICK
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426. AND I JUST DON'T GIVE
A SHOOT, YOU KNOW?
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427. YOU GUYS FEEL ME THOUGH, RIGHT?
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428. - I FEEL YOU. YOU'RE
LIKE MY NEW HERO.
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429. - MAYBE WE SHOULD TIE THEM UP.
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430. - OKAY.
- YEAH.
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431. - SO YOU THOUGHT YOU
COULD JUST COME IN HERE
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432. AND THROW DOWN ON OUR TURF?
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433. ON OUR TURF? THAT'S
WHAT YOU THOUGHT?
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434. - I GUESS YOU GUYS
FORGOT TO EXPECT
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435. THE UNEXPECTED!
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436. - LIKE I SAID, I'M
WITH TECH SUPPORT.
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437. I MET YOU, LIKE, SIX HOURS AGO.
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438. THIS IS MY PART... THIS
IS MY PARTNER, COREY.
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439. - OH, VERY CLEVER.
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440. SO YOU COME IN DURING THE DAY
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441. HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT
TO CASE THE JOINT.
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442. - YOU ARE NOT
GONNA GET THE CODES.
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443. BUT YOU WILL TELL US
WHAT JOE BIDEN'S AFTER.
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444. - WHAT DOES JOE BIDEN WANT?
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445. - PLEASE, JUST DON'T HURT US.
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446. US HURT YOU?
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447. THAT'S HILARIOUS,
WE'RE NOT THE ONES
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448. DROPPING KNIVES IN BATHROOMS.
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449. THAT'S RIGHT, I WAS IN
THERE WATCHING YOU.
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450. - I CARRY A KNIFE WITH ME
BECAUSE I WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED
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451. IN A MALL FOOD
COURT LAST SPRING.
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452. SORRY I LIKE TO FEEL PROTECTED.
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453. - I'M SORRY.
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454. - WE'RE JUST HERE TO
REBOOT THE SYSTEM.
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455. WE CAN'T... WE CAN'T
DO IT DURING THE DAY
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456. WHEN THE SERVERS ARE IN USE.
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457. - RIGHT!
- YEAH.
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458. OKAY! LIKE I CAN'T TEST
YOUR LITTLE LIE, BUDDY?
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459. I CAN JUST OPEN UP A
PROGRAM RIGHT HERE...
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460. HOLY SHIT, THIS IS FAST.
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461. DID YOU INSTALL SNOW
LEOPARD FOR PC ON THIS?
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462. - NO WAY, LET ME SEE.
- THIS IS GOOD.
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463. - WOW, LOOK AT ALL THOSE TABS.
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464. - WAIT, ARE YOU PRINTING
AND WATCHING A VIDEO?
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465. - I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.
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466. UM, SO HEY, UM...
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467. OUR COLLECTIVE BAD.
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468. I COULD'VE SWORN YOU HAD A GUN.
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469. NOPE, THAT'S A PAGER.
YOU STILL GOT ONE OF THOSE.
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470. - THAT'S A COMMON MISTAKE.
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471. SO...
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472. DO YOU GUYS LIKE SHROOMS?
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473. YES, PLEASE.
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474. - NICE.
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475. - "A" MARK.
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476. - STOP! STOP!
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477. STOP! STOP!
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478. UGH!
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479. I COULDN'T EVEN
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480. LOOK AT HIM.
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481. - GO TO CAMERA.
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