Whose Line Is It Anyway? 6x9

Directed by

Heather Anne Campbell guests on the improvisational-comedy showcase in which the performers wing it unscripted and unrehearsed.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Good evening, everybody,

2. and welcome to Whose Line Is it Anyway?

3. On tonight's show, under constant surveillance,

4. Wayne Brady.

5. Under the boardwalk, Denny Siegel.

6. Under ruse, Colin Mochrie.

7. And under no circumstances, Ryan Stiles.

8. And I'm your host Drew Carey. Come on down, let's have some fun.

9. Hello!

10. Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

11. That's right the points here

12. are kinda like the food at Hooters.

13. Let's get the game started

14. with a game called "Questions Only."

15. This is for all four of you, actually,

16. Denny and Wayne are gonna start off the game.

17. That's all you're allowed to do is speak in questions.

18. And if they mess up, they can't think of a question,

19. or if they make a statement, I buzz them out...

20. and the other person takes the place.

21. And the scene is, "A scene from a teen soap opera."

22. A scene from a teenage soap opera.

23. I love— Hmm?

24. Do you think anyone will notice this zit?

25. You know Joey Betapingping?

26. You mean the high school quarterback?

27. You like him too?

28. Can you tell?

29. Don't you think I'm prettier than you anyway?

30. Why are you working so late?

31. - Huh...

32. Are you going to the prom?

33. Why do you ask, Principal Phillips?

34. - Can you keep a secret? - Can I?

35. You?

36. - Would you like to go with me? - What's with all the questions?

37. Why are you being so evasive?

38. Are you gonna pass me or not?

39. Can I ask you a question?

40. Have you seen my father propositioning people lately?

41. What's it worth to you?

42. Would you take Teen Beat?

43. Is it? Is it?

44. That's it. Thank you very much.

45. Five hundred points to Ryan

46. for calling Colin Principal Phillips.

47. That was pretty funny.

48. That was great.

49. Now let's go on to a game called "Narrate".

50. It's for Colin and Ryan.

51. They're gonna act out a film noir scene.

52. And narrate for each other

53. Uh, what we need from the audience

54. is "An unlikely place for a film noir scene".

55. Uh, a zoo.

56. I heard zoo. I'm gonna do zoo.

57. Okay, so you're at a zoo,

58. I'd been looking for him for 14 years.

59. That's two in dog years.

60. He had the eyes of a shark and the nose of an aardvark.

61. Hey, Billy, bet you didn't expect to see me again?

62. Gerry... Long time no see.

63. Yeah, I remember.

64. Me and two goats raised him from a small baby.

65. When I set him free among the humans

66. we never thought he'd come back.

67. I wonder why.

68. What are you doing in these parts?

69. What am I doing? I'm nursing a hate.

70. A real big hate.

71. Sure, it sounds exotic to be raised by goats.

72. But you ever been milked?

73. We got some unfinished business.

74. He had grown up.

75. He was a big man now, he could take care of himself.

76. That's why I felt no need to tell him

77. that he was standing in some elephant droppings.

78. We got business?

79. I knew I was standing in elephant droppings.

80. But it was the only way

81. He was gonna pay for what he'd put me through.

82. What do you want? Why are you here?

83. I'm gonna kill you, my friend.

84. Me? Kill me?

85. I was scared.

86. But I didn't wanna look a... like I was scared.

87. That's why I put up a tough front.

88. Please don't kill me!

89. What purpose would it serve

90. to kill me after all these years?

91. He squeezed my nipples so hard tears came to my eyes.

92. Thank you very much.

93. That was great. Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine points for each of you.

94. but IRS makes you fill out a thing.

95. This is for Ryan, Colin and Wayne.

96. They're gonna act out a scene, but we're gonna have to

97. make them adopt different styles of, uh, performing.

98. Now, what I would need from the audience is suggestions

99. for different styles of film, different styles of television show,

100. different styles of theatre.

101. Western, okay.

102. Apes.

103. What?

104. Gilbert and Sullivan. That's a good one.

105. Shakespeare, okay.

106. Cartoon. - Cartoon. Yeah, that's a good one.

107. Okay, that's it. Japanese anime, okay.

108. Your scene is, Wayne, you're a prison guard.

109. "You hunted down, chained together

110. escaped convicts, Ryan and Colin.

111. And they are hiding in an alligator infested swamp."

112. Start out as normal

113. Hold it right there!

114. I see both of you, you can't move.

115. You're shackled together.

116. Oh, no it's Big Swede Thompson!

117. Gosh!

118. Big Swede Thompson, the clown cop?

119. You both better stay right there.

120. You've made a big, horrible mistake.

121. - Gosh!

122. Uh, Shakespeare.

123. For the two of you,

124. will run no more.

125. If this were to be land

126. that was wet it would be a swamp.

127. Though I have nothing to say...

128. I will say it like this.

129. Oh, it appears

130. that all the crocodiles and alligators are coming.

131. I must transform.

132. Big, giant, metal black robot.

133. Uh, planet... planet...

134. We've got to run...

135. My god, what have they done to you?

136. A really bad haircut.

137. Uh... Gilbert and Sullivan. Good luck.

138. Thank you very much.

139. We'll be right back with more Whose Line is it Anyway?

140. Right after this. Don't go anywhere.

141. Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway?

142. The show where everything is made up and the points don't matter.

143. That's right the points don't matter.

144. Just like a comb to Colin Mochrie.

145. The points don't matter.

146. Can't get enough bald jokes. Gotta love 'em.

147. Now, let's play a game called "Party Quirks."

148. This is for Denny.

149. You're gonna be hosting a party.

150. And Wayne, Colin and Ryan are gonna be the guests.

151. And we've given them each a strange thing to do.

152. And you have to guess what the quirk or identity is.

153. And Wayne, Colin and Ryan, why don't you line up there.

154. I'll bring you in one at a time with the doorbell.

155. And Denny, whenever you are ready, start the party.

156. Gee, I wonder if anyone'll

157. notice I replaced my instant coffee with this granulated cat.

158. Ooh, they're here!

159. - Hey, Denny. - Hey, Wayne! Welcome.

160. Oh, my gosh... Hey, what...

161. Hey!

162. Hey!

163. Somebody stop me!

164. Excuse me. Hey, how are you, Colin?

165. I've got snacks right over there if you're hungry.

166. Oh! Oh, Colin!

167. Need a hand?

168. You'll be all right. Put on some music, okay?

169. - Excuse me.

170. Oh, that's my Tiffany window.

171. Oh! Are you okay there?

172. You know, I've got some Band-Aids under the credenza there.

173. They like me, they really like me.

174. Shut up, sweetheart!

175. Okay, you know what?

176. I didn't realize I invited Jim Carrey to my party.

177. Close enough.

178. Maybe... Maybe you should go.

179. Mother? Mother? - Yeah.

180. You know what?

181. hunts moose and I should have warned you.

182. Uh, no. What's the other thing besides moose?

183. You're a big deer flailing around on my...

184. - Yes.

185. trying to cross a highway.

186. Are you enjoying the party?

187. Boy...

188. - It's tough playing every sport in slow motion, isn't it? Nope.

189. You're a... You're a kooky Australian.

190. What do they sell tapes of on ESPN sometimes

191. A lot of women do.

192. - Oh, bloopers. Sports bloopers. Yes.

193. Fifty thousand points for everybody.

194. Fifty thousand points. How can I give away so many points?

195. I'm overstocked!

196. I gotta get rid of all the old points. Fifty thousand points.

197. Man, this givin' away points really wears you out.

198. Now let's go on to a game called "Greatest Hits."

199. This is for Colin, Ryan and Wayne

200. I love this game. Colin and Ryan are gonna be TV voiceover artists,

201. talking about the latest compilation album.

202. Wayne is gonna try to sing parts of the songs

203. that Colin and Ryan are gonna make up for him.

204. What we need from the audience is a sport.

205. Soccer. Soccer, I heard soccer first.

206. Soccer. So let's hear Songs of Soccer.

207. for just a moment while we have a deal for you.

208. You know, as long as there has been soccer,

209. there's been songs about soccer.

210. Don't ask me why.

211. You just can't stop people

212. - spherical objects. - I'll take it, Colin, no problem.

213. You know, there's over 300 songs on this one CD set,

214. and, uh, we've got many, many hits here tonight

215. including that ska favorite, the number one hit,

216. "Free Kick."

217. Wow! Ska.

218. You know, Ryan, you can

219. stick with your young hip songs,

220. but I like the history of music.

221. That's why I love going all the way back to the days of Tin...

222. Pan Alley.

223. - I got confused there. I'm here for you, buddy.

224. And of course one of the greatest songs coming out of that era were...

225. "My Shorts Chafe."

226. You know, Col, that music's fine

227. for the older folks,

228. Well, I think you're the hip one.

229. Yes, I am. And you bet there is.

230. There's that number one Beastie Boys hit,

231. "I'm not Really Hurt, but I'm Staying Down."

232. - Oh, the energy. - Oh it's amazing.

233. You know, songs about soccer

234. - have been around for years. - How many years, Colin?

235. And you know when the production Show Boat first happened...

236. a star emerged singing "Ol' Man River" of course,

237. the immortal Paul Robeson.

238. His great soccer hit, which you are about to hear,

239. the title of which I'm about to say...

240. "I Got a Yellow Card."

241. Oh, well, you know, Col...

242. Thank you very much.

243. Thank you very much! Wayne Brady!

244. Okay. Hey, listen, we're going to commercial. We'll be right back

245. with more Whose Line is it Anyway?

246. See you in a minute.

247. Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway?

248. The winner tonight, Denny Siegel. Denny Siegel.

249. There are no losers here.

250. It's you three guys.

251. Let's do a hoedown.

252. With the help of Laura Hall on the piano. Laura Hall.

253. a group of guys might do when they're together.

254. Drink.

255. Work out. That's a good one. Work out.

256. Let's do the working out, exercising hoedown...

257. with the help of Laura Hall on piano.

258. Sorry, go ahead. Working out hoedown.

259. Hey, don't go away.

260. Hey, welcome back to Whose Line.

261. We're gonna end the show tonight

262. with Wayne Brady. He's gonna read the credits.

263. You're gonna read the credits as Richard Simmons

264. with a class behind you.

265. Richard Simmons leading an aerobics class. Go ahead.

266. Goodnight, everybody. See you later.

267. Come on.

268. Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles, they're great.

269. Mark Leveson can do that.

270. And Tom Park has a good butt.

271. Now, Drew Carey do your one arm push-ups. Come on.

272. Ryan Stiles. Kieran Healy... And five...

273. And Keith and Eric Wilker.

274. Jonathan, Michael, Josh.

275. Stay together! Come on!

276. And one and two... And Julie and Ted!

277. And Brad Zerbst, Peterson... That's it! Yeah, that's it!

278. Whose Line is it Anyway?