Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x9

Directed by

Greg Proops as Self • Tony Cavalero as Self

Guests: comic Greg Proops, plus actor Tony Cavalero.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. On tonight's show, oh, it's just what I always wanted! Wayne Brady.

2. Oh, how did you know? Chip Esten.

3. Oh, I'll never take it off, Colin Mochrie.

4. And, did you save the receipt? Ryan Stiles!

5. And I'm your host Drew Carey, come on down, let's have some fun.

6. Hi, everybody, hello.

7. the show where everything is made up and the points just don't matter.

8. That's right, the points are just like steak sauce in India.

9. Someone's been working overtime.

10. You know what I'm saying. So, uh,

11. let's get started with a game called Superheroes.

12. - This is for all four of you.

13. One of my favorite guys in the whole wide world, Colin Mochrie, is gonna start.

14. - Uh, we need a...

15. you'll never meet a nicer man.

16. Uh, we need a superhero name for Colin.

17. We have, uh, two women up there yelling "Stinky-man..."

18. - ... as loud as they can.

19. Really hoping to get Stinky-man

20. "Couldn't be a nicer guy in the whole world..." "Stinky-man!"

21. Uh, now, we need a crisis. Some kind of crisis.

22. - What? There's a dead possum in his parking spot.

23. There's a dead possum in your parking spot.

24. Stinky-man, there's a dead possum in your parking spot. What are you gonna do?

25. Oh, I had my stench beam on high.

26. Oh, no!

27. That errant stench beam hit that possum.

28. Right by my parking...

29. - Where will I put the Stinkmobile?

30. I hope my super friends will come by soon to help.

31. Sorry, I'm late. - Oh.

32. - Come on in. - I don't want to.

33. Thank...

34. Thank goodness you're here, Giggling-Nip-Pull-Tweak man.

35. - Nipple tweak man.

36. Oh-hoh!

37. Ah!

38. Ah!

39. - Possum. There's a possum, dead possum. - Possum!

40. I'm sorry I'm late, I got here as quick as I could.

41. That god you're here, Captain Lu'au!

42. Aloha!

43. Oh, that's roasted. That's almost done.

44. I've got a dead possum in my parking spot.

45. We'll roast it up with poi, it'll be very good.

46. He's right.

47. You're right.

48. - Sorry, I'm late... Damn! - Oh...

49. Thank God you're here, Temper Tantrum Kid.

50. Yes. Why do you smell so much!

51. God!

52. Look at you!

53. Well, his temper tantrum woke up the possum.

54. You smell like a pu pu platter.

55. One more time for the road. Thank you.

56. Well, I've gotta go too.

57. Well, another crisis averted.

58. Oh, time for some beans.

59. Stinky-man, I'll give a thousand points to you for that one.

60. - Oh, thank you. Just 'cause.

61. Now, let's go on to one of my favorite games in the whole wide world, Scenes from a Hat.

62. Now, before, uh... Before each taping,

63. we ask the audience to write down suggestions for things they like to see us

64. pull out of this hat.

65. I pull 'em out at random from the hat. Starting with...

66. "Disturbing people to get a lap dance from."

67. I am not an animal!

68. All right.

69. If you'd please hand me the mohel.

70. "Jobs where you shouldn't kid around."

71. Would you please hand me the mohel.

72. You owe $50,000 in back taxes.

73. Ha... Ha-ha-ha.

74. "The Munchkins... what are they doing now?"

75. Well... your fries are ready.

76. I'm a short order cook.

77. Eh, looks like you need a new muffler.

78. In this corner...

79. the Mayor of the Lollipop Guild!

80. In this corner, Gary Coleman! Fight.

81. You forgot to give points, Mr. Carey.

82. And of course, thousand points to Ryan,

83. who's gonna get his ass kicked by a fat guy after the show.

84. Now, let's go on to a game called Stand, Sit and Lie.

85. This is for Ryan, Colin and Wayne.

86. You guys are gonna be making up a scene.

87. One of you must always be standing, one must always be sitting,

88. and one must always be lying down.

89. So, when anybody changes their position,

90. the other ones have to change their positions accordingly.

91. So your scene is, Ryan is a woman giving birth...

92. Colin is the nervous husband,

93. and Wayne is the midwife.

94. The flirtatious midwife. Take it away.

95. Shouldn't you be doing something?

96. - 12,000! I win!

97. Hey, I'm sorry about that, honey.

98. - You okay?

99. Am I okay? Yes.

100. - Give me my epidermal now! - Oh, my God! Oh, I have... Oh!

101. - You're responsible for this! - I will.

102. Are you okay?

103. Oh, I can't believe this. We're so unprepared!

104. I'm so sorry, I've got a confession to make. I'm a midwife,

105. but I've never ever really

106. - helped anyone give birth to any kids. - What?

107. - What? - I'm sorry!

108. - I'm sorry. - Oh!

109. Hey, this is helping with the pain.

110. Quick. Jump up and down to get the beat.

111. Okay, push, push. That's it. Follow the rhythm.

112. Gotta push. Push. Ready? Push. You guys ready?

113. - Gotta push. Ready, push.

114. That's it! That's it! Nice job.

115. - Here it comes! Here it comes!

116. - Here it comes! No, no, no, you gotta remain seated.

117. - You are the owner of... - The owner?

118. No, I used to be a used car salesman.

119. - What? - Yes!

120. Oh, yep. It walks. Here you go.

121. Oh, I'm so, so sorry I lied on my application

122. 'cause you were such nice people.

123. I'm never gonna cut this cord.

124. This is so wrong.

125. And yet so right, honey.

126. - Hey, I've got another confession to make. - Huh? Hey!

127. Give me a week, will ya!

128. We'll be right back with more Whose Line right after this. Don't go away.

129. Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

130. the show that gives Colin Mochrie a reason to live.

131. We're gonna keep the show going with a game called Party Quirks.

132. - This is for, uh, Chip...

133. We've given each...

134. They never saw the cards before. Chip has to guess what they are.

135. I'll bring 'em one at time with the doorbell, and whenever you're ready, Chip,

136. - start the party. - Hey, so, you wanna go out afterwards?

137. - No, no, it won't take long at all. They come over...

138. I guess who they are, they go home. Okay, I gotta go, buh-bye.

139. Come on in.

140. - Hey. - Hello, hey.

141. Come on in.

142. The Easter Bunny.

143. Boo to y'all! Boo to y'all!

144. - Oh, there we go.

145. Come on in.

146. I'm pretty cal...

147. - Are you the entertainment? - No.

148. 'Cause I didn't want you to come for another hour.

149. All right, you're... Yeah, you're clean.

150. This is where they usually put them.

151. I'm gonna have to go in there.

152. - Hey, come on in. - Hey, Chip, thanks for inviting me.

153. Ah, charades. Hey, is there anything I can get you?

154. - Oh, excuse me, fellas. Pardon me, excuse me.

155. Okay. Do him. All right.

156. How you doin'?

157. How many chances do you think you get to be booed at the Apollo?

158. Oh, my God.

159. Red buttock, blue buttock. Red buttock, blue buttock.

160. The wrong thing touched here, we could all go up!

161. Stand back!

162. Wait.

163. We don't need you, Mr. Bomb Disposal Unit Man.

164. And you get out of here, gold fish guy.

165. No? No?

166. A series of...

167. - A series of... Undersea...

168. undersea creatures never seen before by man.

169. Oh, in a...

170. Thousand points to you guys.

171. That was great. Thousand points apiece.

172. - Yeah.

173. Drew, you...

174. man. - He's choking on a $100 bill.

175. - Oh, my God. Tombstone... "It was too rich for him."

176. I almost choked... I almost choked to death on an Altoid.

177. Really?

178. Well, they are curiously strong.

179. Ha-ha, he almost died. Ha-ha-ha.

180. All right, hey. Let's go on to one of my favorite games.

181. This is a great game. I love this game.

182. - with Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.

183. Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.

184. Uh, somebody from this side of the audience over here,

185. give me a boring place to work.

186. Board room.

187. Now, what's gonna happen is, Colin and Ryan are gonna start a scene

188. as they're working in a factory, and Wayne's gonna join 'em later.

189. And when I buzz them...

190. they have to take a break into a big show-stopping musical number

191. using the exact line that they just said.

192. So, you guys are working in a factory.

193. Go at it.

194. This is boring.

195. You know, I thought the Swiss cheese came with holes.

196. It's not just the cheese, it's everything we make here.

197. We gotta specialize in one thing. We got too many things going here.

198. What are you talking about, cheese is our life.

199. That's true.

200. I'm tired of poking holes in these things.

201. You know what I'm saying?

202. Oh, you're right. This is boring.

203. I wish something would come along that would just brighten up our day.

204. - Some change in routine. - What's the odds of that happening?

205. - I don't know. - Hello.

206. Hey, who are you? What's going on? Are you exciting?

207. - Mmm-hmm. - Is she ever?

208. Oh, yeah, you're a girl!

209. Hello, both of you.

210. I'm am the...

211. hole in things fairy.

212. The hole in thing fairy?

213. - I thought— - My dad used to speak about her.

214. - I thought she was only a legend. - No.

215. I travel everywhere, putting holes in things,

216. and choosing people to be my minions

217. to go along with me and put holes in things.

218. Hey.

219. - This sounds like the escape we've been waiting for. - Bong!

220. - Hoo! - Hey, why do you put holes in things?

221. Why?

222. Yeah, that's what I said. Why?

223. Because, without a hole where would you be?

224. The place for the pee.

225. We'll be right back for more Whose Line Is It Anyway? Don't go away.

226. - Oh, man! Oh...

227. Welcome back.

228. Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

229. Tonight's winner, uh, Wayne Brady.

230. - Wayne Brady's the winner tonight. - Yeah!

231. We're gonna do a game for you called Helping Hands.

232. And what happens is, Ryan and I are gonna act out a scene,

233. but Ryan can't use his hands, his arms.

234. Colin is gonna provide the arms for him.

235. - Right, Colin? Yeah, yeah.

236. What's our scene there, Wayne?

237. Ryan is the volatile owner of an Italian deli

238. showing his son, Drew, the tricks of the trade.

239. - Hear the phone? - Is it the phone?

240. - Yeah, the phone's ringing. - I getta the phone.

241. - No! No! - Hello?

242. - You told me I could never answer the phone. - Hello.

243. There's nobody there, you little creep.

244. Of course, it took you so long to answer the phone, of course there's nobody there.

245. Okay, we're gonna make a sandwich. I'm gonna show you how, your papa.

246. Okay.

247. - we put it on the bread. Okay? - Okay.

248. Next, we get some cold cutties. This is ham.

249. This is a big ham. Normally I don't use that much,

250. but today's a special day.

251. Cheesy. Oh, I love the cheesy.

252. That cheesy... Oh, so nice.

253. No time for that, we gotta make the sandwich.

254. Okay, we're gonna put in a little mustard.

255. I like the regular kind. None of the fancy mustard.

256. I like the regular... Little... No, it's not enough.

257. I like a little more than that. A little...

258. Is that empty yet? No, still there's some in there.

259. There's still some in there.

260. Okay, I'm done.

261. - Okay, now I take— - No tomatoes?

262. You say tomato, I say tomato... There we go.

263. We take the other piece of bread, and now,

264. why don't you give that a bite. See if you like that.

265. - No... I'm afraid. - Come on, a little nibble.

266. - You first. - Okay, I take a little bite.

267. Usually I like a little more mustard on there.

268. It's okay. Oh, no, it's okay, though, I eat it like this.

269. - Yeah. - Oh.

270. - Maybe you like some nice wine. - Hey!

271. What's the matter with you? I'm shaking my fist in anger at you!

272. Don't you know why I'm shaking my fist in anger at you?

273. - Have some Chianti. - You be quiet! I tell you, be quiet!

274. Have some Chianti. Have some Chianti.

275. Papa, why you gotta argue?

276. Okay, now we have a little pop.

277. - Okay.

278. - Oh, man, is that good? - That's good.

279. But nothing gets it down the ham like a little olive oil.

280. - Hello? Oh!

281. Hello? I order the... They want a pizza sandwich

282. - with, uh...

283. - Hoo!

284. We'll be right back with more Whose Line right after this. Don't go away.

285. Hey, everybody, welcome back to Whose Line.

286. I want y'all to read the credits as ugly undersea creatures

287. swimming up to investigate the cameras.

288. Thanks for watching, good night.

289. Drew Carey... Dan Patterson...

290. Marine director is Ray Miller.

291. Ray Miller is our editor.