Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x14

Directed by

Marisol Nichols as Self • Jonathan Mangum as Self

Actress Marisol Nichols; guest comic Jonathan Mangum.

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!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x14 [02:32]
!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x14 [Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x14]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. On tonight's show,

2. Keep your elbows off the table, Chip Esten.

3. No, burping is not considered a compliment,

4. Colin Mochrie.

5. And, damn it, boy, I can't take you anywhere,

6. Ryan Stiles!

7. I'm your host, Drew Carey.

8. Come on down, let's have some fun.

9. Everybody.

10. Thanks, everybody. Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

11. the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter.

12. That's right, the points are fake,

13. but they look and feel real.

14. They're amazing.

15. This is a great game. This is for everybody. Chip.

16. Over here. A dirty type show. You sit over there.

17. Uh, we've given Ryan, Colin and Wayne...

18. strange quirks or identities,

19. and they're written on these cards here,

20. which they've never seen before.

21. I'd like to remind Ryan before he gets started

22. where his paycheck comes from.

23. And we're gonna question them and try to guess who they are.

24. Take it away, Chip.

25. I am Eastern European woman, bachelor number one.

26. Tell me, where would you take me

27. to show me the wonders of your country?

28. I will take you way high

29. up above everything.

30. For I am Vincentio.

31. I am Louisa.

32. I am Pepe.

33. And I am Drego.

34. Together we are Zambinis!

35. Hey-pa!

36. so you could see all of it. Be very quiet.

37. Hip!

38. Bachelor number two.

39. I am Olympic weightlifter.

40. In my spare time, I am foot model.

41. What do you like to do for hobby?

42. Well, right now, boiling water.

43. Here she comes!

44. One, two, three, four. That one's good...

45. Oh, my God.

46. Bachelor number two, I like the way you disgust the audience.

47. Bachelor number three, how are you doing?

48. I couldn't be better.

49. Bachelor number three, in my country,

50. we say...

51. My motto... It's more of a saying, actually.

52. When I see people on the street, I have to sing.

53. Ding-dong, ding-dong.

54. You sound yummy.

55. - Bachelor number one. - Yes.

56. What is your favorite thing to do in winter?

57. Here comes another.

58. Hey-pa!

59. - Okay, bachelor number one. Bachelor number two. - Yeah.

60. What is your least favorite nickname everyone gives for you?

61. Uh, I can't say it on national television.

62. Man, I'm gonna have to castrate that bull.

63. - Oh. - Okay.

64. - Bachelor number three. Yes.

65. If someone was to mock you mercilessly,

66. what would they say to you?

67. Well, a lot of times they would say

68. that I don't care about anything or anyone,

69. but that's not true because...

70. I got some bad news during that game.

71. Louis died.

72. Can you guess who they are, Chip?

73. Yes.

74. Colin is who?

75. Colin is a country veterinarian, uh,

76. with way too much business.

77. Yeah. That's good enough.

78. Who is Ryan, before we say goodnight to Ryan?

79. I have no idea. No.

80. - I don't know who the hell he is.

81. I have to show you the gifts I won.

82. It was fine. I can take a joke just as good as anybody.

83. So, 1,000 points to everybody except for Ryan.

84. - What was the suggestion? Yeah.

85. It was "Drew Carey - The musical."

86. Oh.

87. I didn't hear that. I didn't get that at all.

88. That wasn't funny at all.

89. I thought I was rather kind.

90. Huh? - I thought I was rather kind.

91. Seeing how I got a lot of stuff on you.

92. Yeah, so like I said, 5,000 points

93. for my good buddy, Ryan Stiles!

94. Ryan Stiles!

95. Man.

96. - Why, he's great.

97. This is for Wayne, Ryan and Colin.

98. It's called Dubbing.

99. Yeah, you. Come over here.

100. - What's your name? - Galen.

101. - What? - Galen.

102. Come on down,

103. and stand right in the middle of Ryan and Colin.

104. - This is Galen. - Hi.

105. Galen, that's Ryan and Colin, and this is Wayne.

106. Uh, now what's gonna happen, Galen, is you're gonna help us do a scene here.

107. You don't have to say a thing.

108. You just have to play along with everybody,

109. and just move your mouth up and down, ba-ba-ba-ba,

110. and Wayne is gonna do all your dialogue for you.

111. So, the scene is, Ryan is the leader

112. of the Puerto Rican gang, the Sharks.

113. Finally I get to use my dialects.

114. your beautiful girlfriend, Maria, Galen,

115. uh, flirting with the leader of the Jets,

116. Colin, on a playground in Spanish Harlem.

117. Take it away.

118. Usually I like to introduce myself

119. before we make out.

120. My name's Tony.

121. Oh, yeah, Papi. My name is Maria.

122. Like I say...

123. like I said, my name is Mar-r-r-ia.

124. Oh, Maria, when you roll your Rs like that,

125. it does something deep within me.

126. Oh, Papi, you're so beautiful.

127. I love the way that the moonlight shines

128. from the top of your head onto the monkey bars.

129. I love the way you laugh as you talk.

130. Hey! Get off my chalupa.

131. Maria! Come here.

132. No! You do not order me around.

133. We are now in America.

134. I shall be a strong woman, and I shall stand right here.

135. You will not boss me around.

136. You will not look at me.

137. Look at me... You will not boss me.

138. No, look at me.

139. You don't boss me around.

140. Look at me! Look at me!

141. Look at me. No, look at me.

142. I want you... No, you...

143. No, you look at me.

144. I don't know...

145. you said you would always stay by my side.

146. I said I would stay by your side

147. as long as you kept your Canadian-Puerto Rican accent,

148. but you've obviously lost it.

149. You want us to fight? Is that what you want?

150. Yes.

151. You have a knife, use it.

152. I want you to fight... Oh!

153. - Ow! - That was easy.

154. Hey!

155. That's no fair. I was dancing there.

156. You should have been fighting and not dancing.

157. Maria, you must make up your mind.

158. Well, I'm dying, so, big choice!

159. But Maria, you could just plant

160. a big wet one on me before I go.

161. I could die happy, really happy.

162. Oh, I'm... Yes, I will kiss you.

163. Right on the top of your head, I will kiss you.

164. Because as you die, I want you to remember

165. the name of Maria Conchito Alanzo Gringo Jones.

166. Thank you.

167. Galen, everybody. How about it?

168. Galen.

169. Yeah, she was very horrified

170. when she had to learn to kiss Colin.

171. "Uh, can I go back to my seat?"

172. I said to Colin, "Did you know that was me?" He goes, "Yeah."

173. I go, "How'd you know?" He goes, "I know your lips."

174. We'll be right back with more Whose Line after this. Don't go away.

175. Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

176. the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

177. That's right, the points are about as useless

178. as that computer you bought last Christmas.

179. It's out of date in a week, don't you think?

180. Now, let's go on to one of my favorite games in the whole wide world,

181. Scenes From A Hat.

182. - Come on down.

183. Now, before each show, before each taping,

184. we ask the audience to write down suggestions

185. for things they'd like to see us pull out of this hat.

186. We're gonna see how many scenes

187. our performers can act out for us.

188. Starting with...

189. "Besides an athletic event and a criminal getaway,

190. Maria, before I die, give me a big, wet kiss.

191. I've got tickets to Pauly Shore's one-man show.

192. Hoedown?

193. All right.

194. "Bad segues following tragic news stories."

195. And everyone died.

196. Speaking of dying, I've been dying to see the new Bruce Willis flick.

197. - It's coming out...

198. It was a big, big loss.

199. Speaking of big, right after this, the Drew Carey show.

200. Well, not you. Another...

201. You are all gonna pay.

202. "Phrases that just don't sound right

203. when a cheesy announcer says them."

204. Please accept my condolences!

205. That's right, I'll respect you in the morning.

206. All right.

207. "Things you shouldn't do while standing in a police lineup."

208. Yo, give me all your money.

209. You're dead!

210. Thank you very much.

211. Thank you very much.

212. Now let's go on to a game called Greatest Hits.

213. This is for everybody,

214. Now, from the center section of the audience,

215. give me a name of an exciting European city.

216. - Rome. - Venice.

217. Rome. That's one we haven't done.

218. Rome. Let's do Rome.

219. The name of the album is Songs of Rome.

220. So, take it away, Colin and Ryan.

221. Hi, we'll be right back to our documentary

222. on proctologists in love...

223. Somebody Up There Likes Me in just a second.

224. But first, have we got something for you.

225. You know, there's so many songs about Rome.

226. - Must be four, five hundred. - That's right.

227. That would be like... CCCCC.

228. In Roman numerals.

229. Hey, in Mexico, you're just saying, "Yes, yes, yes, yes."

230. - But we're not doing Mexico. - No, we're not.

231. We're doing Rome. And we've assembled

232. 40 songs on 30 CDs.

233. All about the city of Rome, the city of love.

234. - Is it? - It could be.

235. It is now.

236. - Hey, Colin. - Yeah, Ryan.

237. Oh.

238. Squash is the only thing that comes to mind.

239. Oh, no. Well, there's soul, for one.

240. - Oh, yeah. - But I'm thinking Tex-Mex.

241. One of my favorite foods,

242. and one of my favorite music styles.

243. - And both tend to repeat. - Yes.

244. And I think when you think about Tex-Mex songs,

245. you have to remember that number one Tex-Mex hit,

246. You Brought Her, You Caesar.

247. You know, when you listen to Tex-Mex,

248. - you don't often hear yodeling, but you'll hear it on this CD. - No.

249. - That's right. I travel a lot!

250. They were heavily influenced by the Swiss.

251. I know.

252. - I love alternative rock. - Really?

253. - Yeah. - Something different.

254. - Alternative. - Mmm-hmm.

255. One of my favorite groups, The Offspring.

256. Oh!

257. - And their kids. - No... Oh.

258. Yeah.

259. - All of them great... - Offspring.

260. Oh, and this song brings back beautiful memories,

261. Pinched in the Piazza.

262. All right, we'll be right back with more Whose Line.

263. Don't go away.

264. Hey, welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

265. Tonight's winner, Chip Esten. Chip Esten's the winner tonight.

266. And the rest of us are gonna do a game for you called Props.

267. Why don't we get our props? Props for me and Ryan.

268. - All right. - That's what I was afraid of.

269. Here you go.

270. Oh, man.

271. Uh, you guys take your props.

272. What happens is, we have to go back and forth

273. and think of as many funny things as we can do with these props,

274. starting with me and Ryan.

275. All right, Tammy Fey, this will just take a minute.

276. Oh, stop it, Drew. You're all hands.

277. I'm sure there's a toilet around here somewhere.

278. Moo!

279. - Moo!

280. Welcome to the Munchkin Olympics.

281. We're number four!

282. We're number four!

283. - We're number...

284. Now put the plates on.

285. Hey, we'll be right back with more Whose Line Is It Anyway?

286. right after this. Don't go away.

287. Hey, thanks everyone

288. Time to end the show with everybody reading the credits for you.

289. Watch and read the credits as if you're performing

290. in Drew Carey - The musical.

291. Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.

292. Dan Patterson...

293. Come on, everybody choke!

294. Ray Miller.

295. I want another show!

296. Hey, why don't you release...

297. Bob Tully.