Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x12

Directed by

Wanya Morris as Self • Jonathan Mangum as Self

Musician Wanya Morris; guest comic Jonathan Mangum.

Request examples:

!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x12 [02:32]
!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x12 [Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x12]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x12 [10-11]; !req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 5x12 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway? On tonight's show,

2. winning isn't everything, Greg Proops.

3. Someday your ship will come in, Wayne Brady.

4. Money doesn't grow on trees, Colin Mochrie.

5. And size doesn't matter, Ryan Stiles.

6. I'm your host Drew Carey, come on down, let's have some fun.

7. Hello. Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

8. The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

9. That's right. The points are just like Pro Football in LA.

10. Oh, you don't have a team here, do you? No.

11. So there.

12. Let's get the show going, show you how it works.

13. We're gonna start with a game called Hollywood Director.

14. This is for all four of you.

15. Colin's the Hollywood director

16. who keeps giving them different notes on how to improve the scene.

17. Scene they're gonna act out is

18. facing off in a dramatic race

19. towards a cliff's edge in a game of chicken.

20. As they begin, Greg's girlfriend Wayne rides in.

21. Wanting to stop them, whatever it takes.

22. You're going to be riding and try to stop them from racing

23. to the edge of the cliff and they're rival biker gangs.

24. Sure thing, man.

25. Okay, got it? Biker gangs, race, cliff,

26. Wayne's the girlfriend. Okay, go.

27. On the count of three, we go.

28. And we have a knife fight along the way.

29. Go!

30. Baby! Jump on board.

31. Stop it!

32. Stop it!

33. If only the two of you wouldn't fight over me.

34. - No, Jimbo Bob.

35. I thought that was very dramatic at the end. I stabbed him at the end.

36. That was stupid.

37. I was going to get to die.

38. Oh, you're dead already. Believe me.

39. - That was horrible. - Yeah, I agree.

40. Oh, you shut up. You were the crappiest.

41. It needs something a little more...

42. Yes!

43. Action!

44. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were driving Gremlins.

45. No, you're a Gremlin.

46. Action!

47. All right. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.

48. - You know what? - What?

49. It needs texture.

50. Trust me! Action!

51. - No! - Hold me, baby.

52. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.

53. - What is that? - Cut. Cut.

54. You know, the way you straddled Greg there

55. you almost gave me a heart attack.

56. You guys had... His legs were wrapped right around you.

57. It was for the scene, dude.

58. Hey, Drew, what happens on the show stays on the show, okay.

59. Gee whiz, Drew, don't you remember my audition?

60. Sometime tonight during the show

61. I'm humping someone in the audience.

62. - That's all I know.

63. That's all I know.

64. So keep your ticket stubs handy.

65. Don't threaten me with a good time, baby.

66. - Now we're gonna wanna get— - Now we're gonna wanna get?

67. Just a sec. I gotta get some of my medicine.

68. Okay, Daddy's fine now.

69. Now we're gonna move on to a game called Newsflash.

70. This is for Ryan and Greg and Colin.

71. Ryan and Greg

72. are news anchors in the studio.

73. Colin's in the field covering a breaking news story.

74. He won't actually know what the story is

75. because he's standing in front of what we call a green screen.

76. Through the magic of television we put an image on it.

77. He can't see it, only we can on the monitors.

78. Take it away, Ryan and Greg, with the hits.

79. No, so she's tickling me and I say,

80. - "Look, the truck driver can see us." - Light's on. Light's on.

81. We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin.

82. We've got Colin Mochrie out in the field

83. covering a late breaking event.

84. I said, Colin, can you hear us?

85. Yes.

86. I've been covering this story for 10 hours straight.

87. Can you describe the general feelings around you.

88. Well, as you can see

89. There's excitement, there's joy,

90. there's depression, despair, and maybe a little lust.

91. Wow, I didn't expect that.

92. I don't think so.

93. I'm too busy covering the story, Greg.

94. Oh! Oh, my goodness.

95. - Oh! Colin!

96. Oh!

97. Duck, Colin. Duck.

98. You almost got hit with that tape before you ducked.

99. - Pardon? - Nothing.

100. Okay.

101. Colin, we've got a lot of emails from people wanting to know...

102. Oh, dear.

103. We've got a lot of emails from people...

104. Oh!

105. Oh!

106. Colin... - Oh!

107. Oh!

108. Well, no ifs, ands, or buts about it, Colin, that's quite a story.

109. Pardon?

110. We've had a...

111. That's the only other object that can be seen clearly from space.

112. Well, at least we've got this on cellulite. Celluloid.

113. I'm sorry.

114. - This is amazing, isn't it? It is.

115. There's two Whoppers.

116. I have to say, Colin, that this story is scary.

117. Scary. Scary. Scary.

118. Scary. Scary.

119. Oh!

120. Do you have any idea what's behind you?

121. Some...

122. - Fat people... - Ha... But...

123. There's all kinds. There's not just fat people. There's all kinds of freaky people.

124. On what show would they be on?

125. Scary. Scary. - Jerry Springer.

126. - Yes.

127. It was clips from The Jerry Springer Show.

128. What was up with the fish guy?

129. where he got really hot if his girlfriend

130. had, like, food, and fish, and stuff all over her.

131. Was that really? - Not that I watched it, but I saw a clip of it.

132. All right, well, 1000 points to everybody.

133. Now, let's go on to a game called

134. Song Styles! This is for Wayne with Laura Hall, Linda Taylor, and Cece Worrall.

135. Yeah. Yeah.

136. Wayne... - Come on!

137. - How's the wife? - Good.

138. to sing to tonight. Please welcome

139. former mayor of Cincinnati, Ohio, Jerry Springer, everybody.

140. Jerry Springer!

141. Jerry! Jerry!

142. Nice to see you tonight.

143. How you doing, Jerry?

144. What's up?

145. Thanks, Jerry. Thanks for coming on the show tonight.

146. Nice to see you again.

147. You're going to sing a gospel song to Jerry Springer.

148. Gospel music.

149. We have a lot of that on the show.

150. Yeah, I know.

151. Take it away.

152. It's Jerry Springer.

153. That's what I'm talking about.

154. Jerry Springer.

155. Thank you so much, man. Jerry Springer.

156. - This was great. - This was fun.

157. Before we go on, I have a final thought.

158. I apologize for my foul language in that.

159. There wasn't any foul language.

160. Yeah! I said "ass" and "ho".

161. La-la-la-la.

162. Yeah.

163. We'll be right back with more Whose Line? right after this.

164. Don't go away.

165. Welcome back.

166. Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

167. I'm Drew Carey reminding you to turn your frown upside down.

168. And while you're at it,

169. flip your butt-crack sideways.

170. What a nice thought.

171. We're gonna keep the show going with a game called Daytime Talk Show.

172. This is for all four of you. Colin and Ryan...

173. are members of the public appearing on the show.

174. Wayne and Greg are members of the audience who ask questions

175. and please welcome the host of our show,

176. special guest, Jerry Springer, everybody.

177. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry. - Thank you.

178. Okay, Jerry.

179. Uh, the subject of the show we're dealing with isn't a conventional topic.

180. Of course, 'cause you're on the show,

181. it's a fairytale. Your show is about Little Red Riding Hood.

182. I don't do trash.

183. Nice. I know.

184. Okay, welcome. Today we do Little Red Riding Hood.

185. - And, what's your name? - I'm the wolf.

186. Jerry, before we start, can I rub Drew's head?

187. - Yeah. - All right, thank you.

188. - You wanna rub the other one? - No.

189. I don't rub heads.

190. It was just a phase.

191. Don't judge me.

192. So, what's your story here? What's going on?

193. Well, I was waiting for Red to, uh... Well...

194. How do I put this?

195. Have a little snack.

196. And what happened?

197. Well, maybe Red should tell you in her own words.

198. All the better to "you know what".

199. I tell you, I was violated

200. in so many ways.

201. Jerry, the point is... - Yes, tell me.

202. - Go ahead, yes. - She's a big tease.

203. And what's in the basket? Things wolves like.

204. Muffins! Who knows wolves like muffins?

205. So...

206. I made a little mistake.

207. Killed her grandmother, pretended to be her, but you know what?

208. He devoured my grandmother.

209. He actually ate her up.

210. did she say "no".

211. I tell you what. Let's have some questions from the audience.

212. Who do we have here?

213. - Go ahead. - Hi.

214. How you doin'? I'm the woodsman.

215. What's up, Jerry. First off, let me start by saying

216. that your show, you boy... I'd kick you in the head, boy.

217. You so funny.

218. I love you, man.

219. Hey, the thing is, you know what? That wolf, that wolf...

220. - Yeah, next question. What?

221. I'm Red Riding Hood's grandfather

222. and I am a little bit teed off about this.

223. - Yes. - I come home,

224. I find my wife inside a wolf

225. and there's no muffins in the house.

226. I think the wolf is a fraud.

227. Hey, you wanna tell her?

228. Oh, yeah. That's right, man.

229. - Well, you know, it's time for my final thoughts. Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

230. Where's your security, Jerry?

231. And, you know, my final thought for tonight is...

232. may you never be on my show.

233. Take care of yourself and each other.

234. Jerry Springer, everybody.

235. Don't go away.

236. Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

237. Hey, if you're looking for love in all the wrong places,

238. maybe we'll bump into each other.

239. Now, let's go on to a game called Three-Headed Broadway Star.

240. Wayne and Ryan...

241. - Wayne and Ryan... Hi, what's your name? - Shannon.

242. Shannon, come on down here, Shannon.

243. Yeah, Shannon!

244. Shannon, everybody. Have a seat.

245. That's all you have to do. Sit right there.

246. Shannon, everybody.

247. And to help us out, let's have our guest star,

248. special guest star tonight, Mr. Jerry Springer.

249. Jerry Springer. Come on out here, Jerry.

250. - Thank you. Hello, Drew. - Sorry about...

251. Jerry Springer.

252. And Jerry Springer's gonna help sing to you.

253. A Broadway love song one word at a time.

254. What I need from the audience

255. is the end of the sentence, "I dream about your blank."

256. Yamaka.

257. Dream about your yamaka.

258. So, you're going to be singing to Shannon, I dream about your yamaka.

259. Take it away, Laura and Linda.

260. Thank you. We'll be right back with more Whose Line Is It Anyway?

261. right after this, don't go away.

262. Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?

263. Tonight's winner Jerry Springer.

264. Jerry Springer is the winner tonight.

265. I want you guys to read the credits tonight

266. as if you're backstage at The Jerry Springer Show.

267. Thanks for watching, everybody. Goodnight.

268. See, she ain't got no teeth.

269. Hey, Jerry, I like Mark Leveson. He's all in that...

270. - Hey, back off. - What do you mean back off?

271. Get away from Mr. Springer or Tom Park will come out and kill you.

272. We want his autograph.

273. I like Jerry Springer.

274. We could have him on with Michael Carnes.

275. That's a good idea, Jerry.

276. You're the boss, Jerry. Whatever you say.

277. - What did you say? - What about John Pritchett?

278. I said back away from—