1. and welcome to
Whose Line Is It Anyway?
On tonight's show,
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2. winning isn't everything,
Greg Proops.
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3. Someday your ship will come in,
Wayne Brady.
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4. Money doesn't grow on trees,
Colin Mochrie.
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5. And size doesn't matter,
Ryan Stiles.
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6. I'm your host Drew Carey,
come on down,
let's have some fun.
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7. Hello. Welcome to
Whose Line Is It Anyway?
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8. The show where
everything's made up
and the points don't matter.
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9. That's right. The points
are just like Pro Football
in LA.
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10. Oh, you don't have
a team here, do you? No.
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11. So there.
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12. Let's get the show going,
show you how it works.
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13. We're gonna start with
a game called
Hollywood Director.
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14. This is for all four of you.
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15. Colin's the Hollywood director
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16. who keeps giving them
different notes
on how to improve the scene.
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17. Scene they're gonna act out is
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18. facing off in a dramatic race
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19. towards a cliff's edge
in a game of chicken.
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20. As they begin,
Greg's girlfriend
Wayne rides in.
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21. Wanting to stop them,
whatever it takes.
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22. You're going to be riding
and try to stop them
from racing
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23. to the edge of the cliff
and they're rival biker gangs.
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24. Sure thing, man.
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25. Okay, got it?
Biker gangs, race, cliff,
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26. Wayne's the girlfriend.
Okay, go.
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27. On the count of three,
we go.
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28. And we have
a knife fight along the way.
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29. Go!
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30. Baby! Jump on board.
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31. Stop it!
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32. Stop it!
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33. If only the two of you
wouldn't fight over me.
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34. - No, Jimbo Bob.
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35. I thought that was
very dramatic at the end.
I stabbed him at the end.
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36. That was stupid.
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37. I was going to get to die.
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38. Oh, you're dead already.
Believe me.
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39. - That was horrible.
- Yeah, I agree.
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40. Oh, you shut up.
You were the crappiest.
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41. It needs something
a little more...
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42. Yes!
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43. Action!
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44. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought
we were driving Gremlins.
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45. No, you're a Gremlin.
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46. Action!
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47. All right. Cut. Cut.
Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.
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48. - You know what?
- What?
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49. It needs texture.
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50. Trust me! Action!
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51. - No!
- Hold me, baby.
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52. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.
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53. - What is that?
- Cut. Cut.
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54. You know, the way
you straddled Greg there
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55. you almost gave me
a heart attack.
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56. You guys had...
His legs were wrapped
right around you.
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57. It was for the scene, dude.
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58. Hey, Drew,
what happens on the show
stays on the show, okay.
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59. Gee whiz, Drew,
don't you remember
my audition?
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60. Sometime tonight
during the show
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61. I'm humping someone
in the audience.
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62. - That's all I know.
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63. That's all I know.
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64. So keep your
ticket stubs handy.
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65. Don't threaten me
with a good time, baby.
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66. - Now we're gonna wanna get—
- Now we're gonna wanna get?
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67. Just a sec.
I gotta get
some of my medicine.
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68. Okay, Daddy's fine now.
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69. Now we're gonna move on
to a game called Newsflash.
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70. This is for Ryan
and Greg and Colin.
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71. Ryan and Greg
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72. are news anchors
in the studio.
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73. Colin's in the field
covering a breaking news story.
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74. He won't actually know
what the story is
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75. because he's standing
in front of what
we call a green screen.
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76. Through the magic of television
we put an image on it.
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77. He can't see it,
only we can on the monitors.
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78. Take it away, Ryan and Greg,
with the hits.
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79. No, so she's tickling me
and I say,
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80. - "Look, the truck driver
can see us."
- Light's on. Light's on.
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81. We interrupt this program
for a special news bulletin.
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82. We've got Colin Mochrie
out in the field
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83. covering a late breaking event.
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84. I said, Colin,
can you hear us?
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85. Yes.
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86. I've been covering this story
for 10 hours straight.
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87. Can you describe
the general feelings
around you.
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88. Well, as you can see
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89. There's excitement,
there's joy,
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90. there's depression, despair,
and maybe a little lust.
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91. Wow, I didn't expect that.
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92. I don't think so.
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93. I'm too busy
covering the story, Greg.
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94. Oh! Oh, my goodness.
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95. - Oh!
Colin!
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96. Oh!
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97. Duck, Colin. Duck.
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98. You almost got hit
with that tape
before you ducked.
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99. - Pardon?
- Nothing.
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100. Okay.
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101. Colin, we've got
a lot of emails from
people wanting to know...
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102. Oh, dear.
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103. We've got a lot of
emails from people...
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104. Oh!
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105. Oh!
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106. Colin...
- Oh!
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107. Oh!
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108. Well, no ifs,
ands, or buts about it, Colin,
that's quite a story.
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109. Pardon?
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110. We've had a...
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111. That's the only other object
that can be seen
clearly from space.
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112. Well, at least we've got this
on cellulite. Celluloid.
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113. I'm sorry.
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114. - This is amazing, isn't it?
It is.
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115. There's two Whoppers.
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116. I have to say, Colin,
that this story is scary.
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117. Scary. Scary. Scary.
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118. Scary. Scary.
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119. Oh!
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120. Do you have any idea
what's behind you?
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121. Some...
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122. - Fat people...
- Ha... But...
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123. There's all kinds. There's not
just fat people. There's all
kinds of freaky people.
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124. On what show would
they be on?
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125. Scary. Scary.
- Jerry Springer.
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126. - Yes.
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127. It was clips from
The Jerry Springer Show.
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128. What was up with the fish guy?
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129. where he got really hot
if his girlfriend
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130. had, like, food, and fish,
and stuff all over her.
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131. Was that really?
- Not that I watched it,
but I saw a clip of it.
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132. All right, well,
1000 points to everybody.
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133. Now, let's go on
to a game called
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134. Song Styles! This is for Wayne
with Laura Hall, Linda Taylor,
and Cece Worrall.
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135. Yeah. Yeah.
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136. Wayne...
- Come on!
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137. - How's the wife?
- Good.
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138. to sing to tonight.
Please welcome
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139. former mayor of
Cincinnati, Ohio,
Jerry Springer, everybody.
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140. Jerry Springer!
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141. Jerry! Jerry!
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142. Nice to see you tonight.
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143. How you doing, Jerry?
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144. What's up?
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145. Thanks, Jerry.
Thanks for coming
on the show tonight.
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146. Nice to see you again.
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147. You're going to
sing a gospel song
to Jerry Springer.
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148. Gospel music.
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149. We have a lot of that
on the show.
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150. Yeah, I know.
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151. Take it away.
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152. It's Jerry Springer.
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153. That's what I'm talking about.
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154. Jerry Springer.
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155. Thank you so much, man.
Jerry Springer.
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156. - This was great.
- This was fun.
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157. Before we go on,
I have a final thought.
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158. I apologize for my
foul language in that.
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159. There wasn't any foul language.
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160. Yeah! I said "ass" and "ho".
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161. La-la-la-la.
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162. Yeah.
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163. We'll be right back
with more Whose Line?
right after this.
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164. Don't go away.
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165. Welcome back.
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166. Welcome back
to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
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167. I'm Drew Carey reminding you
to turn your frown
upside down.
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168. And while you're at it,
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169. flip your butt-crack sideways.
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170. What a nice thought.
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171. We're gonna keep the show going
with a game called
Daytime Talk Show.
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172. This is for all four of you.
Colin and Ryan...
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173. are members of the public
appearing on the show.
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174. Wayne and Greg
are members of the audience
who ask questions
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175. and please welcome
the host of our show,
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176. special guest,
Jerry Springer, everybody.
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177. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry.
- Thank you.
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178. Okay, Jerry.
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179. Uh, the subject of the show
we're dealing with
isn't a conventional topic.
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180. Of course,
'cause you're on the show,
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181. it's a fairytale.
Your show is about
Little Red Riding Hood.
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182. I don't do trash.
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183. Nice. I know.
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184. Okay, welcome. Today we do
Little Red Riding Hood.
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185. - And, what's your name?
- I'm the wolf.
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186. Jerry, before we start,
can I rub Drew's head?
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187. - Yeah.
- All right, thank you.
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188. - You wanna rub the other one?
- No.
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189. I don't rub heads.
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190. It was just a phase.
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191. Don't judge me.
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192. So, what's your story here?
What's going on?
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193. Well, I was waiting
for Red to, uh... Well...
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194. How do I put this?
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195. Have a little snack.
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196. And what happened?
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197. Well, maybe Red
should tell you
in her own words.
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198. All the better
to "you know what".
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199. I tell you,
I was violated
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200. in so many ways.
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201. Jerry, the point is...
- Yes, tell me.
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202. - Go ahead, yes.
- She's a big tease.
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203. And what's in the basket?
Things wolves like.
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204. Muffins! Who knows
wolves like muffins?
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205. So...
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206. I made a little mistake.
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207. Killed her grandmother,
pretended to be her,
but you know what?
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208. He devoured my grandmother.
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209. He actually ate her up.
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210. did she say "no".
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211. I tell you what. Let's have
some questions
from the audience.
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212. Who do we have here?
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213. - Go ahead.
- Hi.
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214. How you doin'?
I'm the woodsman.
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215. What's up, Jerry.
First off, let me
start by saying
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216. that your show, you boy...
I'd kick you in the head, boy.
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217. You so funny.
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218. I love you, man.
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219. Hey, the thing is,
you know what?
That wolf, that wolf...
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220. - Yeah, next question.
What?
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221. I'm Red Riding Hood's
grandfather
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222. and I am a little bit
teed off about this.
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223. - Yes.
- I come home,
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224. I find my wife inside a wolf
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225. and there's no muffins
in the house.
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226. I think the wolf is a fraud.
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227. Hey, you wanna tell her?
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228. Oh, yeah.
That's right, man.
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229. - Well, you know, it's
time for my final thoughts.
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
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230. Where's your security, Jerry?
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231. And, you know,
my final thought
for tonight is...
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232. may you never be on my show.
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233. Take care of yourself
and each other.
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234. Jerry Springer, everybody.
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235. Don't go away.
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236. Welcome back to
Whose Line Is It Anyway?
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237. Hey, if you're
looking for love
in all the wrong places,
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238. maybe we'll
bump into each other.
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239. Now, let's go on
to a game called
Three-Headed Broadway Star.
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240. Wayne and Ryan...
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241. - Wayne and Ryan...
Hi, what's your name?
- Shannon.
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242. Shannon, come on
down here, Shannon.
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243. Yeah, Shannon!
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244. Shannon, everybody.
Have a seat.
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245. That's all you have to do.
Sit right there.
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246. Shannon, everybody.
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247. And to help us out,
let's have our guest star,
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248. special guest star tonight,
Mr. Jerry Springer.
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249. Jerry Springer.
Come on out here, Jerry.
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250. - Thank you. Hello, Drew.
- Sorry about...
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251. Jerry Springer.
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252. And Jerry Springer's
gonna help sing to you.
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253. A Broadway love song
one word at a time.
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254. What I need from the audience
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255. is the end of the sentence,
"I dream about your blank."
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256. Yamaka.
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257. Dream about your yamaka.
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258. So, you're going to be
singing to Shannon,
I dream about your yamaka.
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259. Take it away, Laura and Linda.
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260. Thank you. We'll be right back
with more Whose Line
Is It Anyway?
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261. right after this,
don't go away.
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262. Welcome back to
Whose Line Is It Anyway?
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263. Tonight's winner
Jerry Springer.
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264. Jerry Springer
is the winner tonight.
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265. I want you guys
to read the credits tonight
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266. as if you're backstage
at The Jerry Springer Show.
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267. Thanks for watching,
everybody. Goodnight.
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268. See, she ain't got no teeth.
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269. Hey, Jerry,
I like Mark Leveson.
He's all in that...
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270. - Hey, back off.
- What do you mean back off?
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271. Get away from Mr. Springer
or Tom Park will come out
and kill you.
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272. We want his autograph.
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273. I like Jerry Springer.
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274. We could have him on
with Michael Carnes.
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275. That's a good idea, Jerry.
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276. You're the boss, Jerry.
Whatever you say.
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277. - What did you say?
- What about John Pritchett?
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278. I said back away from—
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