Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x6

1. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME

2. TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" ON TONIGHT'S SHOW —

3. PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL — WAYNE BRADY.

4. TOP SECRET — KATHY GREENWOOD.

5. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY — COLIN MOCHRIE.

6. AND YEAH, GO AHEAD, TAKE A LOOK — RYAN STILES!

7. AND I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.

8. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

9. HELLO.

10. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

11. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

12. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

13. THAT'S RIGHT, THE POINTS ARE JUST —

14. THE POINTS ARE LIKE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

15. WHEN YOU'RE IN A CHAT ROOM.

16. DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

17. IF YOU NEVER SAW THE SHOW BEFORE,

18. WHAT HAPPENS IS THESE GUYS ARE GOING TO MAKE UP

19. EVERYTHING YOU SEE RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THEIR HEADS.

20. IT'S ALL BASED ON SUGGESTIONS THAT ARE ON THESE CARDS

21. WHICH THEY'VE NEVER SEEN

22. AND SUGGESTIONS THAT WE GET FROM THE AUDIENCE.

23. WE GOT A LOT OF SHOW. LET'S GET TO IT

24. WITH A GAME CALLED "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS."

25. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

26. COLIN, YOU'RE GOING TO BE ANCHOR OF A NEWS SHOW.

27. EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING TO HELP YOU OUT.

28. KATHY, YOU'RE THE CO-ANCHOR.

29. YOU'RE A TRAILER TRASH WOMAN

30. TELLING HER EX-HUSBAND AT HOME WHAT A GREAT LOVER COLIN IS.

31. YEAH!

32. YEAH.

33. WAYNE, YOU'RE DOING THE SPORTS.

34. YOU'RE A NERDY, NEARSIGHTED TEENAGER

35. PLAYING HIS FIRST GAME OF SPIN THE BOTTLE.

36. RYAN, YOU'RE DOING THE WEATHER.

37. YOU'RE JOHN WAYNE.

38. THAT'S IT?

39. AND YOU THINK THE STUDIO IS COMING UNDER ATTACK.

40. WHENEVER YOU HEAR THE MUSIC, COLIN, TAKE IT AWAY.

41. LET'S HEAR THE NEWS.

42. WELCOME TO THE 6:00 NEWS.

43. I'M YOUR ANCHOR

44. PIERRE 'CAUSE-MY-BLADDER'S-EMPTY.

45. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT —

46. NASA SENDS PROBE TO URANUS. PEOPLE EVERYWHERE GIGGLE.

47. NOW OVER TO MY LOVELY CO-ANCHOR LUBELLE.

48. THANK YOU SO MUCH. NEWS FLASH — I'M GETTING SOME.

49. HA HA HA HA HA!

50. FINALLY, EH?

51. OH, MAN, I CAN'T MAKE NO BONES ABOUT THIS,

52. 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO TELL YOU, BUDDY —

53. THAT'S HIS NAME.

54. HEY, BUDDY, BUDDY, I FOUND A MAN.

55. HE MIGHT NOT HAVE A LOT UP TOP,

56. BUT, OH, MY GOSH,

57. MAKES UP FOR IT DOWN BELOW, LET ME TELL YOU.

58. YOU MAKE ME HAPPY. YOU MAKE ME HAPPY IN THE SACK.

59. I'M SACK HAPPY. SACK HAPPY.

60. I'M AS DRUNK AS A SKUNK.

61. WELL, THANK YOU FOR THAT REMINDER

62. THERE IS TRUTH IN ADVERTISING.

63. AND NOW...

64. WHY DON'T WE GO OVER TO SPORTS

65. AND SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING THERE?

66. WINKY.

67. HI.

68. UM, THANKS FOR INVITING ME OUT TO DO THE SPORTS.

69. UM...

70. NO, UM...

71. LOOK, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DOING THIS,

72. AND I'M — I'M REALLY EXCITED.

73. AND I-I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU WANTED TO BACK OUT,

74. BECAUSE NO ONE'S EVER PLAYED SPIN THE BOTTLE WITH ME BEFORE,

75. AND, UM, I'M REALLY GLAD THAT YOU SAID YEAH.

76. OKAY, ME FIRST?

77. OH-HO, HEE HEE!

78. OKAY.

79. YEAH.

80. IT'S GOING TO BE MY FIRST TIME KISSING A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

81. YEAH! YEAH!

82. I DID IT!

83. YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

84. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, URKEL.

85. AND NOW LET'S GO OVER TO SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING

86. IN THE WORLD OF WEATHER WITH JOHN WAYNE.

87. WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, COLIN.

88. WE'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND...

89. IN STORE.

90. AS YOU CAN SEE —

91. INDIANS.

92. INDIANS.

93. EASY, BOY. EASY, BOY.

94. DOWN, BOY. EASY.

95. EASY, BOY.

96. I CAN'T GET UP ON MY HORSE.

97. CIRCLE THE CAMERAS.

98. CIRCLE THE CAMERAS.

99. OH, MY GOD! THEY GOT THIS ONE.

100. THEY GOT THIS ONE!

101. BACK TO YOU, COLIN.

102. CAN'T GET UP ON MY HORSE ANYMORE.

103. WELL, THAT'S THE 6:00 NEWS.

104. JOIN US TOMORROW — ARE WE ON FOR TONIGHT?

105. LET'S HAVE SEX NOW.

106. FILM AT 11:00.

107. SEE YOU TOMORROW — SAME TIME, SAME NEWS.

108. I DIDN'T GET YOUR TOOTH ON THAT, DID I?

109. NO.

110. OH, OKAY, GOOD.

111. NO, BABY.

112. YEAH.

113. 1,000 POINTS APIECE. THAT WAS GREAT,

114. AND, WAYNE, THANKS FOR CARING.

115. THANKS, MAN.

116. LET'S MOVE ON TO A GAME CALLED "NEWS FLASH" —

117. THIS IS A REALLY GOOD GAME —

118. FOR RYAN, KATHY, AND COLIN.

119. COLIN, GO OVER THERE IN FRONT OF THE GREEN SCREEN.

120. AND WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IS

121. RYAN AND KATHY ARE GOING TO PRETEND

122. TO BE TWO NEWS ANCHORS IN THE STUDIO,

123. AND COLIN IS GOING TO BE A FIELD REPORTER

124. COVERING A BREAKING NEWS STORY.

125. COLIN CANNOT SEE WHAT'S BEHIND HIM.

126. YOU'LL SEE A VIDEO BEHIND HIM PLAYING,

127. BUT ALL COLIN CAN SEE IS A GREEN SCREEN,

128. EVEN IF HE TURNS AROUND AND LOOKS STRAIGHT AT IT.

129. HE DOESN'T KNOW, AND ALL THE MONITORS ARE BLOCKED,

130. AND HE HAS TO GUESS WHERE HE IS

131. BASED ON HINTS FROM KATHY AND RYAN.

132. SO WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, GUYS, TAKE IT AWAY.

133. APPARENTLY.

134. YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING ABOUT —

135. WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN.

136. WE NOW TAKE YOU TO AWARD-WINNING REPORTER

137. COLIN MOCHRIE OUT IN THE FIELD.

138. COLIN, CAN YOU HEAR US?

139. I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU OVER THE EXCITEMENT

140. THAT'S HAPPENING BEHIND ME.

141. COLIN, CAN YOU SPARE A MOMENT?

142. YEAH, YEAH.

143. TELL US ALL ABOUT THE STRIKE, COLIN.

144. WELL, IT — IT HAPPENED ABOUT —

145. OOH, DID YOU SEE THAT?

146. YES, I DID.

147. IT ALL STARTED ABOUT 9:00 THIS MORNING.

148. I DON'T CARE —

149. BOY.

150. CAREFUL, COLIN.

151. WHAT?

152. OH.

153. OH, THAT'S GOT TO SMART.

154. OOH.

155. LOOKS PAINFUL, DOESN'T IT?

156. COLIN, TELL US ABOUT THIS FREAKY SITUATION.

157. PARDON?

158. TELL US ALL ABOUT THIS FREAKY SITUATION.

159. WELL...

160. THIS ALL STARTED AFTER A DISCUSSION

161. ABOUT WHO WAS BETTER —

162. GARY COLEMAN OR THE KID WHO PLAYED WEBSTER.

163. THEN THIS HAPPENED.

164. I AM DISGUSTED.

165. OH, EVERY TIME I THINK IT'S OVER, IT STARTS AGAIN.

166. OH!

167. WELL, COLIN, I'M GLAD TO SEE

168. THAT YOU'RE KEEPING YOUR EYE ON EVERYTHING.

169. YES, I AM.

170. BOY, THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DISGUSTING STORIES I'VE EVER —

171. I WOULD HAVE TO AGREE, COLIN.

172. OH, DON'T. NO!

173. I KNOW THAT

174. YOUR SPECIAL ABILITIES AS A REPORTER

175. LED YOU TO DOING A STORY LIKE THIS.

176. WELL, YOU KNOW, I-I —

177. I'VE WORKED ON "THE DREW CAREY SHOW,"

178. AND I-I —

179. COLIN, IS THERE ANY END IN SIGHT TO THIS?

180. THIS IS JUST GOING TO KEEP GOING

181. UNTIL IT STARTS GETTING PRETTY.

182. WELL...

183. THIS WILL JUST ADD TO YOUR INCREDIBLE BODY OF WORK —

184. AN INCREDIBLE BODY OF WORK.

185. OH, IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT?

186. YOU KNOW, I COULD WATCH THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

187. WELL, YOU HAVE GOT A NOSE FOR NEWS, COLIN.

188. I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

189. OH, MY GOD.

190. HEY, COLIN?

191. YEAH?

192. ANY IDEA AT ALL WHAT YOU'RE —

193. SOME SORT OF FREAK SHOW CONTORTIONIST,

194. PEOPLE SHOVING THINGS IN THERE OR SOMETHING?

195. YES!

196. OH, MY GOD. I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT.

197. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

198. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

199. RIGHT AFTER THIS. DON'T GO AWAY.

200. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

201. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

202. AND THANKS FOR WATCHING TONIGHT, EVERYBODY, BY THE WAY,

203. 'CAUSE LET'S FACE IT,

204. YOU COULD BE READING TO YOUR KIDS, BUT...

205. SO THANKS FOR JOINING US FOR SOME LAUGHS.

206. WE'RE GOING TO CONTINUE THE SHOW

207. WITH A GAME CALLED "PARTY QUIRKS."

208. THIS IS FOR KATHY, WAYNE, COLIN, AND RYAN.

209. KATHY, YOU'RE HOSTING A PARTY.

210. WAYNE, COLIN, AND RYAN ARE THE GUESTS.

211. WE'VE GIVEN EACH OF THEM A STRANGE IDENTITY OR QUIRK

212. ON THESE CARDS HERE.

213. KATHY GETS TO GUESS WHO THEY ARE.

214. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE RYAN'S.

215. OH, COLIN'S IS GOING TO BE GREAT, TOO.

216. I'LL BRING YOU ON

217. ONE AT A TIME WITH THE DOORBELL.

218. HI, COME ON IN.

219. HEY, CAT.

220. THANKS FOR INVITING ME OUT TO YOUR PARTY.

221. IT'S GREAT — I CAN'T —

222. OW. OW!

223. OW!

224. OW, MY —

225. HERE, WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?

226. DING-DING.

227. HI, COME ON IN.

228. THANKS FOR INVITING ME — MACY GRAY — TO YOUR PARTY.

229. I DIDN'T WANT TO — NO!

230. HI.

231. WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, WI—

232. HI, WELCOME TO MY PARTY.

233. HI, NICE TO BE HERE.

234. THANK YOU.

235. FINGER FOODS ARE OVER THERE.

236. THANKS.

237. OH!

238. HI, COME ON IN.

239. HEY, KATH, HOW ARE YOU?

240. I'M GREAT. HOW ARE YOU?

241. GOOD. GREAT PARTY.

242. HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.

243. OH, IS THAT A BIRD?

244. OH!

245. HI, WELCOME.

246. BECAUSE THE PARTY THAT YOU KNOW DON'T PLEASE WITH THE —

247. HI, COME ON IN.

248. HEY, I'M DREW CAREY — OH!

249. I-I —

250. I WISH —

251. I WISH YOU'D STOP DYING IN MY HOUSE.

252. HOW IS HE DYING?

253. OOH! OOH!

254. OH, NO, PLEASE! I DON'T WANT —

255. YOU'RE BEING FLATTENED? YOU'RE MELTING?

256. YES.

257. LISTEN...

258. CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK.

259. I-I DON'T NEED ANY STATUES AT MY PARTY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

260. NO.

261. NOR CATALOG MODELS.

262. THAT'S CLOSE.

263. OR...

264. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO LONELY YOUNG WOMEN READ

265. AND THEY DREAM ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE...

266. MY ROMANTIC HERO FROM A ROMANTIC BOOK.

267. YES.

268. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED

269. WITH PEOPLE'S BODY PARTS, INCLUDING —

270. NO.

271. NO.

272. WHY IS HE DOING THAT? 'CAUSE —

273. WHY? IT'S JUST —

274. OOH!

275. ARE YOU JUST NOT SURE —

276. YOU DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE — YOU DON'T —

277. WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING TO FIGURE OUT

278. WHO IS A MAN AND WHO IS A WOMAN?

279. YES.

280. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DISINFECTANT FOR YOUR...

281. MAMA, SHOW ME TAPES OF WHEN YOU USED TO DO "WHOSE LINE."

282. WELL, DARLING...

283. THAT WAS AMAZING, COLIN MOCHRIE.

284. YEAH, IT WAS.

285. KEITH, I'M GOING TO NEED TWO MINUTES.

286. AND I MEAN TWO MINUTES.

287. THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

288. LET'S HEAR IT FOR COLIN MOCHRIE.

289. HE'S SO GENTLE.

290. YEAH.

291. SO 1,000 POINTS TO EVERYBODY BUT COLIN,

292. 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,

293. I WAS SITTING RIGHT HERE THE WHOLE TIME

294. WAITING FOR YOU TO COME OVER.

295. THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT YOU, MY FRIEND.

296. I'M ALL MAN.

297. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "SHOWSTOPPING NUMBER"

298. FOR COLIN, RYAN, AND WAYNE

299. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR.

300. SOMEBODY OVER IN THIS SECTION,

301. GIVE ME AN IDEA OF A BORING PLACE TO WORK.

302. POST OFFICE.

303. WE'LL MAKE IT POST OFFICE.

304. SO YOU'RE WORKING AT THE POST OFFICE,

305. IT'S A BORING PLACE TO WORK,

306. YOU'RE GOING TO DO A GAME CALLED "SHOWSTOPPING NUMBER"

307. WHEREIN YOU'RE GOING TO PRETEND TO WORK AT THIS POST OFFICE,

308. AND I'M GOING TO BUZZ

309. AT CERTAIN TIMES DURING THE SCENE,

310. AND WHENEVER YOU GUYS — WHOEVER WAS SPEAKING AT THE TIME,

311. WHATEVER THEY JUST SAID,

312. THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO A MUSICAL NUMBER

313. USING THOSE EXACT WORDS THAT THEY JUST SAID.

314. REALLY?

315. YES.

316. SO TAKE IT AWAY — AND WAYNE'S GOING TO COME IN LATER.

317. SO TAKE IT AWAY. YOU'RE WORKING AT A POST OFFICE.

318. ALL THE STAMPS SEEM TO BE GONE.

319. WHAT?

320. SOMEONE'S STEALING THE STAMPS.

321. LET'S TAKE A COFFEE BREAK AND THINK ABOUT THAT.

322. WELL, HERE THEY ARE HERE.

323. OH, YEAH. I FORGOT.

324. I HAVE TO ADMIT, I SUSPECTED YOU.

325. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SUSPECTED?

326. WHAT WOULD I BE DOING WITH STAMPS?

327. I KNEW — I KNEW YOU WERE THE ONE.

328. YOU HAD THEM IN YOUR POCKET THE WHOLE TIME.

329. I'M ADDICTED

330. TO THE STICKY STUFF ON THE BACK.

331. MY FRIEND, YOU'RE FIRED.

332. I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE.

333. TURN IN YOUR ROBE.

334. YOU WON'T HEAR THE LAST OF THIS.

335. OH, YEAH?

336. HI, I'VE COME TO APPLY FOR A POSITION

337. AS A UNITED STATES POSTAL ATTENDANT.

338. YOU, BY THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE,

339. IT APPEARS THAT YOU'VE GOT BOOTED.

340. YEAH.

341. YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE.

342. THEY WATCH YOU ALL THE TIME.

343. YOU HAVE NO PRIVACY.

344. THEY WON'T LET YOU LICK THE STAMPS.

345. HE'S A THIEF.

346. YOU'RE HIRED.

347. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

348. EXCUSE ME, DISHONEST ONE.

349. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS KIND —

350. WHAT KIND OF EXPERIENCE DO YOU HAVE?

351. I'M AN EXPERT MARKSMAN.

352. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

353. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS

354. RIGHT AFTER THIS. DON'T GO AWAY!

355. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

356. TONIGHT'S WINNER — KATHY GREENWOOD.

357. KATHY GREENWOOD IS THE WINNER TONIGHT.

358. AND THE REST OF US ARE GOING TO DO A GAME FOR YOU

359. CALLED "WORLD'S WORST"

360. WHERE WE STAND HERE ON THE WORLD'S WORST STEP

361. AND COME UP WITH AS MANY IDEAS AS WE CAN

362. OF THE WORLD'S WORST WHAT, KATHY?

363. IT'S THE WORLD'S WORST PERSON TO SHARE A LIFEBOAT WITH.

364. I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN,

365. JUST LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

366. I KNOW EVERY MICHAEL BOLTON SONG EVER WRITTEN. NUMBER ONE —

367. I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT AMWAY.

368. SHARK!

369. HA HA HA HA.

370. AND NOW I'D LIKE TO SING A FEW SONGS FROM "GEPETTO."

371. I SPY, WITH MY LITTLE EYE...

372. THAT WASN'T...

373. LET'S SEE WHAT'S UNDERNEATH THE BOAT.

374. SHUT UP. I'M TALKING TO HER.

375. YEAH, YOU LOOK REAL PRETTY.

376. COME ON. TAE-BO!

377. PUSH — AAH!

378. WELL, WE PASSED AN ISLAND ABOUT AN HOUR AGO

379. WHEN YOU WERE ASLEEP, BUT IT LOOKED REALLY DIRTY.

380. I WHITTLED SOME TOOTHPICKS OUT OF THE OARS.

381. AH.

382. OKAY, NOW LET ME SHOW YOU

383. ONE MORE WAY I LIKE TO MASTURBATE.

384. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

385. RIGHT AFTER THIS. DON'T GO AWAY.

386. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

387. TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW

388. WITH RYAN READING THE CREDITS FOR US.

389. RYAN, I WANT YOU TO READ THE CREDITS

390. AS JOHN WAYNE ROUNDING UP HIS POSSE

391. BECAUSE THEY'RE UNDER ATTACK.

392. THANKS FOR WATCHING. GOOD NIGHT.

393. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO AFTER THAT "FRIENDS" GANG.

394. WE GOT TO GET TOGETHER MARK LEVESON

395. AND TOM PARK IS THE —

396. WHY, YOUR ARMY —

397. I SEE THEY ALL —

398. UH, YOU STICK WITH ME, FESTUS.

399. I SEE WE GOT A LITTLE LADY.

400. OH, YOU CAN HIT ME ON THE HEAD.

401. I HAVEN'T FELT ANYTHING FOR 35 YEARS.

402. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.