Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x14

1. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY.

2. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

3. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW — HAS A THIRD GRADE

4. PERFECT ATTENDANCE AWARD — WAYNE BRADY.

5. HAS A WAL-MART "EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK" AWARD —

6. COLIN MOCHRIE.

7. HAS A MR. CONGENIALITY AWARD — RYAN STILES.

8. AND HAS AN ACADEMY AWARD — WHOOPI GOLDBERG.

9. I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.

10. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

11. WELCOME, EVERYBODY, TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",

12. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

13. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

14. THAT'S RIGHT. THE POINTS ARE JUST LIKE PANTS

15. TO A TOLLBOOTH OPERATOR.

16. DOESN'T MATTER.

17. I'D LIKE TO WELCOME WHOOPI GOLDBERG TO THE SHOW.

18. THANKS A LOT, WHOOPI.

19. DON'T WORRY. YOUR OSCAR'S IN A SAFE PLACE.

20. WE'LL GIVE IT TO YOU RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW IS OVER.

21. LET'S GET THE SHOW GOING, SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS

22. WITH A GAME CALLED "HOLLYWOOD DIRECTOR."

23. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

24. WHOOPI, RYAN, AND WAYNE ARE GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE FOR US.

25. COLIN'S GOING TO BE THE BIG HOLLYWOOD DIRECTOR.

26. HE'S GOING TO KEEP GIVING THEM NOTES

27. ON HOW TO CHANGE THE SCENE. DOING MY COLIN IMPRESSION.

28. HERE'S THE SCENE.

29. THE EVIL WHIP-WIELDING JUDGE FROLLO — RYAN —

30. HAS CORNERED GYPSY GIRL ESMERALDA — WHOOPI —

31. IN THE BELL TOWER, AND IS FORCING HER

32. TO DO A SENSUAL DANCE FOR HIM.

33. WHOO!

34. OH, GREAT.

35. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE," BIG HOLLYWOOD STAR.

36. YEAH, YEAH.

37. FORMER HOLLYWOOD STAR AFTER THIS.

38. AFTER THEY SEE THIS, YEAH.

39. SUDDENLY HIDEOUSLY UGLY QUASIMODO — WAYNE —

40. SWINGS IN TO SAVE HER. TAKE IT AWAY.

41. AND COLIN WILL GIVE YOU NOTES.

42. ALL RIGHT, THERE'S YOUR POLE.

43. GET TO IT.

44. IT'S BIGGER THAN THE LAST POLE.

45. LOOK, IF YOU WANT ME TO KEEP THE TOWN PEOPLE

46. FROM LOCKING YOU UP, YOU BETTER DO WHAT I SAY.

47. OKAY, OKAY.

48. THAT'S THE WAY DADDY LIKES IT.

49. THERE YOU GO. THAT'S FOR YOU.

50. DONG! DONG!

51. UGH! I'M HIDEOUSLY UGLY.

52. I'LL HELP YOU, ESMERALDA.

53. OKAY, HIDEOUSLY UGLY.

54. I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING WITH —

55. OHH!

56. STOP HITTING HIM!

57. HE HIT ME ON MY HIDEOUSLY UGLY ASS.

58. A LITTLE BIT OF SAMMY COMING THROUGH.

59. BUT — BUT, QUA—

60. CUT!

61. CUT!

62. THAT WAS HORRIBLE!

63. CONCENTRATE. WE NEED A LITTLE —

64. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.

65. DO IT LIKE TV EVANGELISTS.

66. TV EVANGELISTS.

67. ALL RIGHT? ACTION!

68. HERE I'M GOING TO GET UP ON THIS POLE NOW!

69. THAT'S SWEET, BABY. THAT'S SWEET.

70. BECAUSE GOD SAID

71. THE POLE FOR THE LEG IS A GOOD THANG.

72. WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO — OHH, MY HIP!

73. LET ME HEAL!

74. LET ME HEAL YOU! QUASI!

75. GO AHEAD NOW!

76. YES, YOU WAS!

77. YES, YOU WAS!

78. CUT, CUT, CUT,

79. CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT.

80. CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT.

81. MY HIP WASN'T REALLY OUT.

82. IT WAS "ACTING."

83. YOU WERE BRILLIANT.

84. NO, YOU WEREN'T.

85. REMEMBER, HE'S THE HIDEOUSLY UGLY ONE.

86. ALL RIGHT.

87. ALL RIGHT.

88. DO IT — IT NEEDS A LITTLE ENERGY.

89. A LITTLE ENERGY.

90. YEAH, DO IT LIKE, UH, HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADERS.

91. THAT'S GREAT.

92. YEAH, ALL RIGHT. ACTION!

93. GIVE ME A "P"! GIVE ME AN "O"!

94. GIVE ME AN "L"! GIVE ME AN "E"!

95. IT'S A POLE! IT'S A POLE! IT'S A POLE!

96. OKAY, I'M GOING TO TAKE MY POLE.

97. CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT,

98. CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT.

99. SHE WAS BRILLIANT IN THAT. THAT WAS —

100. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE, HOOPI?

101. DON'T BE "HOOPING."

102. HOOPING?

103. HOOPING.

104. NO "HOOPING" ON MY SET!

105. IT NEEDS SOMETHING — IT NEEDS SOMETHING —

106. A LITTLE MORE EDGE TO IT.

107. DO IT LIKE YOU'RE NEW YORK INSULT COMICS.

108. YOU HEARD ME!

109. NEVER QUESTION MY WORDS!

110. ACTION!

111. HERE'S A POLE FOR YOU TO SLIDE DOWN.

112. YOU AND YOUR MAMA.

113. IF YOU HAD A MAMA,

114. YOU'D KNOW THIS POLE WASN'T FOR US.

115. WHOA!

116. SO YOU WANT ME TO SLIDE DOWN THE POLE?

117. YOU WANT ME TO SLIDE DOWN THE POLE?

118. BITE ME.

119. BITE ME.

120. IS THIS THING ON?

121. IS THIS THING ON? THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

122. HERE. WHY DON'T YOU TOUCH THIS HUMP?

123. 'CAUSE IT'S THE CLOSEST YOU EVER GONNA GET TO ONE.

124. GOOD NIGHT. THAT'S MY TIME!

125. 1,000 POINTS TO WAYNE AND WHOOPI AND RYAN,

126. BUT NOT TO COLIN.

127. NO FAIR AT ALL.

128. I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABUSING YOUR POWER JUST A LITTLE BIT.

129. I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU HALF MY POINTS.

130. I'LL GIVE YOU HALF MINE.

131. THANKS, WHOOPI.

132. COLIN, I'M GOING TO KEEP MINE, OKAY?

133. ALL RIGHT, WAYNE.

134. HA HA. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LOSE TRACK AT HOME.

135. NOW WE GO ON TO A GAME FOR WAYNE,

136. UH, WITH LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR,

137. CALLED "SONG STYLES." COME ON UP HERE, WAYNE.

138. UH, LET ME JUST —

139. JUST FIND SOMEBODY.

140. HI, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

141. LINDSAY.

142. YOUR NAME IS WHOOPI GOLDBERG FOR THIS ONE.

143. WE'RE GOING TO SING A SONG TO YOU, WHOOPI GOLDBERG.

144. HOLLYWOOD ACTRESS, HAVE A SEAT.

145. I'M SINGING TO WHOOPI.

146. WHOOPI GOLDBERG.

147. SEE, I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS.

148. THAT'S GOOD.

149. HEY, YOU MIGHT KNOW THE ACTUAL PERSON THAT HE'S

150. GOING TO SING TO YOU AS. MIGHT BE A FRIEND OF YOURS.

151. YOU'RE GOING TO SING TO WHOOPI GOLDBERG

152. LIKE TINA TURNER. TAKE IT AWAY, BABY.

153. WHERE THE — WHERE THE HELL — OH, HEY, WHOOPI.

154. AND TURN ROUND.

155. WHOOPI GOLDBERG!

156. THANK YOU.

157. OH, BABY.

158. YOU HAVE MADE ME SO HAPPY.

159. THANK YOU.

160. LOOK! LOOK!

161. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE"

162. RIGHT AFTER THIS. DON'T GO AWAY.

163. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

164. I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.

165. I NEVER TOUCHED YOUR DAUGHTER. QUIT CALLING ME.

166. HA HA HA HA.

167. THANKS, WHOOPI GOLDBERG,

168. FOR DOING THE SHOW, BY THE WAY.

169. WHOOPI GOLDBERG IS HERE TONIGHT.

170. IT'S REALLY GREAT TO HAVE YOU.

171. WE'RE GOING TO KEEP THE SHOW GOING

172. WITH A GAME CALLED "DUBBING." THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY.

173. COLIN, YOU'RE GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE WITH WHOOPI GOLDBERG,

174. JOINED LATER BY RYAN GOLDBERG.

175. UH, HOWEVER — HA HA HA HA.

176. HOWEVER, WHOOPI WON'T ACTUALLY SPEAK.

177. YOUR LINES ARE GOING TO BE PROVIDED BY WAYNE BRADY

178. HERE ON THE MICROPHONE.

179. ALL YOU'RE GOING TO DO IS, YOU KNOW, MOUTH ALONG

180. AS WAYNE TALKS FOR YOU.

181. OKAY.

182. THE SCENE IS COLIN IS A BRILLIANT FRENCH DESIGNER

183. IN LOVE WITH HIS TEMPERAMENTAL STAR —

184. SUPERMODEL WHOOPI —

185. AS SHE IS PRACTICING HER CATWALK ROUTINE BACKSTAGE.

186. WELCOME TO THE BIG TIME, WHOOPI.

187. OH, YEAH.

188. HER JEALOUS PHOTOGRAPHER BOYFRIEND RYAN BURSTS IN.

189. MM-HMM. YES.

190. MM-HMM. YES.

191. BONJOUR, MA PETIT.

192. COMMENT çA VA?

193. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

194. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

195. BONJOUR! BONJOUR! BONJOUR! I'M FRENCH.

196. BONJOUR! BONJOUR! BONJOUR! I'M AFRICAN-AMERICAN.

197. I HAVE DESIGNED MY MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATION FOR YOU.

198. OH, REALLY?

199. OH, MY GOD. THAT IS STUNNING! LOOK AT IT.

200. THAT'S JUST THE THONG.

201. YOU ARE SUCH INCREDIBLE DESIGNER.

202. I HAVE NO CHOICE

203. BUT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IMMEDIATELY.

204. OHH.

205. OHH. OOH.

206. CHELINEU!

207. WHAT'S GOING ON?

208. HUMBERT, YOU'RE BACK.

209. I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO BE BACK SO QUICKLY.

210. APPARENTLY NOT!

211. I'LL SAY THIS IN A LANGUAGE

212. PERHAPS YOU CAN UNDERSTAND.

213. SOMETHING HAS DEVELOPED.

214. WE ARE IN LOVE.

215. YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THIS DUTCH GUY?

216. DUTCH?

217. I AM FRENCH!

218. HAVE YOU FORGOT THE SONG WE SANG TO EACH OTHER?

219. HOW COULD I FORGET IT?

220. LOOK! SHE'S LOOKING AT ME WHILE SHE'S SINGING.

221. SHE CAN'T TAKE HER EYES FROM ME 'CAUSE I AM BEAUTIFUL

222. AND... NOT DUTCH.

223. STOP IT QUICKLY, OR ELSE I'LL THROW A TANTRUM LIKE THIS.

224. LOOK AT ME! I'M THROWING A TANTRUM.

225. LOOK! LOOK AT MY TANTRUM. LOOK AT MY TANTRUM.

226. LOOK AT MY TANTRUM. LOOK AT MY TANTRUM.

227. NO, DON'T. CALM DOW— OH, DON'T DO THAT.

228. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS.

229. WHAT IS THAT, MY SWEET?

230. THE TWO OF YOU MUST FIGHT TO THE DEATH

231. OVER ME, THE SUPERMODEL.

232. I'LL ACCEPT THAT CHALLENGE.

233. ALL RIGHT.

234. BUT YOU MUST USE THESE — THE THONGS.

235. FIGHT TO THE DEATH WITH THE THONGS.

236. GO!

237. AHH!

238. OHH!

239. DAH!

240. 1,000 POINTS TO WHOOPI

241. FOR PULLING A THONG OUT OF HER BUTT.

242. THAT WAS, UH —

243. WHICH IS NO MEAN FEAT, HONEY.

244. YEAH. HA HA HA.

245. NOW LET'S GO ON TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE GAMES

246. IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD — "SCENES FROM A HAT."

247. NOW, WHAT HAPPENS HERE AT "WHOSE LINE"

248. IS BEFORE THE SHOW WE ASK THE AUDIENCES

249. TO WRITE DOWN THINGS THEY'D LIKE TO SEE

250. AND SUGGESTIONS FOR THE SHOW, AND ONE OF THEM IS SCENES

251. WE CAN PULL OUT OF THIS HAT TO HAVE OUR PERFORMERS ACT OUT.

252. THEY'RE GOING TO ACT OUT AS MANY AS THEY CAN,

253. STARTING WITH "BAD THINGS TO DO

254. AS YOU WALK DOWN THE AISLE AT YOUR WEDDING."

255. HA HA HA HA.

256. ALL RIGHT.

257. "IF CLASSIC MOVIES HAD NUDE SCENES."

258. IT DOESN'T AMOUNT TO A WHOLE HILL OF BEANS.

259. OH, CYRANO, STAND UP.

260. I AM SPARTACUS!

261. MISS SCARLET! MISS SCARLET!

262. E.T. GO HOME.

263. OKAY, "IF CARTOON CHARACTERS HAD ADULT CONVERSATIONS."

264. "IF CARTOON CHARACTERS HAD ADULT CONVERSATIONS."

265. WHEN I BOUGHT THE TRUCK, SOMETHING'S WRONG.

266. IT'S THE ROTOR. WRONG. WRONG.

267. YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH MY RIFE.

268. DON'T BE SLEEPING WITH MY RIFE.

269. YOU OUT! ALL RIGHT?

270. FORGET IT, CHARLIE BROWN. I'M NOT GOING THAT FAR.

271. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY WIFE?

272. EXIT, STAGE RIGHT.

273. ALL RIGHT.

274. "WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE TATTOOED ON YOUR DATE."

275. "WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE TATTOOED ON YOUR DATE."

276. "PROPERTY OF THE U.S. ARMY"?

277. "HOW AM I DOING? PHONE 555..."

278. "INAPPROPRIATE TIMES TO USE BABY TALK."

279. YEAH, GIRL, YOU READY FOR THE POKY-DOKEY-DOKEY?

280. I'M GOING TO USE THAT LINE.

281. MY FELLOW AMERICANS,

282. OH, GOOZY BOOZOO ZOO BOOZOO MOO.

283. OOH, GOOZY BOOZY.

284. OH, GOOGOO GOOGOO.

285. AH, DOOZY BOOZY.

286. GOOGOO GOOGOO.

287. GOOGLY BOOGLY.

288. DEARLY BELOVED,

289. WE'RE HERE TO BURY-WURY YOUR LITTLE DEADY-DIE.

290. BURY-WURY.

291. YOUR LITTLE DEADY-DIE.

292. OH, THE DEADY-DIE.

293. WHO'S THE DEADY-DIE?

294. "INAPPROPRIATE TOPICS OF CONVERSATION

295. WHEN MEETING THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND."

296. LIKE, DO YOU PICK YOUR NOSE IN THE CARRIAGE?

297. LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE GOING BY,

298. IS THAT, LIKE, WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

299. I, UH, I LICK YOUR STAMPS ALL THE TIME.

300. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW UNCOMFORTABLE

301. TESTICLES REALLY ARE?

302. DO YOU USE THE MAXIMUM SIZE OR THE MINIMUM?

303. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS

304. RIGHT AFTER THIS. DON'T GO AWAY!

305. YEAH!

306. YEAH!

307. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

308. WAYNE BRADY IS THE WINNER TONIGHT. WAYNE BRADY.

309. THE REST OF US ARE GOING TO DO A GAME FOR YOU

310. CALLED "FOREIGN FILM DUB."

311. WHOOPI AND I ARE GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE FOR YOU.

312. I GET TO ACT WITH AN OSCAR WINNER.

313. HOW ABOUT THAT?

314. HI. I'M SURE YOU'VE SEEN ME IN "GEPPETTO."

315. YES.

316. YEAH, WE SAW YOU IN "GEPPETTO."

317. YEAH.

318. YEAH. UH, SO WE'RE GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE,

319. AND RYAN AND COLIN ARE GOING TO TRANSLATE FOR US.

320. RYAN'S GOING TO TRANSLATE FOR ME,

321. COLIN'S GOING TO TRANSLATE FOR WHOOPI.

322. WHAT WE NEED IS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE TO FAKE.

323. CHINESE. WE'RE GOING TO DO CHINESE.

324. AND IF YOU WERE A CHINESE ACTION FILM DIRECTOR,

325. WHAT WOULD THE NAME OF YOUR ACTION FILM BE?

326. "SEW MY NOODLE FOR YOU."

327. WHAT IS IT?

328. "SEW MY NOODLE FOR YOU."

329. "SEW MY NOODLE FOR YOU"?

330. SOBA!

331. OH, I'M SORRY. "SOBA NOODLE FOR YOU."

332. "SEW MY NOODLE FOR YOU."

333. "SOBA NOODLE FOR YOU."

334. IN CHINESE.

335. AH, SHISHA GOH MINIHA.

336. GOH MINIHA. AH GAPA CHI PA

337. XING DA WA DAO ICHI CHA CHING BOT WAI.

338. DO YOU HAVE A RESERVATION FOR LING?

339. TOY SA SEKO DOICHI ODA EI KENDO OI SENO TAVASA.

340. AHN OH SOA TIAT GIAPA.

341. HA YIAH SO TOH TEWEH TOH KODAS.

342. FON TOI ESSO ONTOH TOGAI AH JIAO-JIAO GOH XAI.

343. OEI.

344. YES, I DO.

345. WAH! XING XAI

346. GING DA XIA WA GOH WEN IHA SHISHEI AH.

347. GET DOWN. BOOGIE-OOGIE-OOGIE.

348. AHTO SO-SO SENK OH.

349. HAI UNH SAM WEL OHE DOH HEH SKA TE BAH.

350. ANEH UHWAH ESO ME BALA AILU KOH SOKA!

351. AH WEH TE HA.

352. LEH QION TAH. HO HO. YAH. A SUDA BA.

353. AHN QION SOHN TAIE HAIE SOH.

354. ES FULO DOH GABA. HA!

355. DON'T DO NO BOOGIE-OOGIE. COME TRY MY NOODLES.

356. AH, KA SHOH. SHIH TA VAJ IYA.

357. YES, I'D LOVE TO. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

358. AH DOH SHOH MEH DAWEH IUTU.

359. OGI XIA BAH OHE XIA BA.

360. HAE OZO IZO FEH WEH THON.

361. BEFORE YOU HAVE THE NOODLES, YOU MUST DO THE TEST.

362. MAMA CHIMA MAMAMA, UH, MAMA CHIMA TAH.

363. YOUR BODY,

364. THE WAY YOU DANCE, IS AS LIMBER AS A NOODLE.

365. I LONG FOR YOU.

366. I HAVE FALLEN MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

367. EDOY SOH DOY OKUNTA XOIE.

368. AH GOZEH MEYOH KOSOH MEH ODOH SHESHU ADA BA.

369. I HAVE 25 CHILDREN. I DON'T NEED THIS.

370. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

371. WITH WHOOPI GOLDBERG. DON'T GO AWAY.

372. OKAY, HEY, WELCOME BACK.

373. TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE WAYNE BRADY AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG

374. READ THE CREDITS FOR YOU.

375. GUYS, WHY DON'T YOU READ THE CREDITS

376. AS TWO OLD WOMEN TALKING ABOUT WHO'S HOT

377. AT THE RETIREMENT HOME?

378. THANKS A LOT, EVERYBODY. GOOD NIGHT.

379. LAWD, I DONE SEEN DAN PATTERSON IN HIS SKIVVIES.

380. YEAH, LOOK AT DREW CAREY AND DAN PATTERSON.

381. DENISE O'DONOGHUE AND JIMMY.

382. NOW, I'M JUST SAYING THAT ARTHUR FORREST

383. GOT THEM LITTLE BURLY KNEES.

384. WHAT ABOUT TOM PARK?

385. GIRL, YOU DON'T KNOW

386. THAT DREW CAREY THE LOSS OF ME?

387. LOOK AT RYAN AND COLIN AND WAYNE.

388. LAWD, AND SEE, AND THERE'S ERIC.

389. OOH! RAY MILLER IS JUST — HEY, RAY MILLER?

390. AND BETH AND JONATHAN AND EVE AND RAY!

391. I'LL TAKE JEAN.

392. JULIE AND STEVE.

393. NOW, THAT'S THE ONE I WANT. HOLD ON.

394. I'M GOING TO GET SOME OF THIS.

395. ISMAEL!

396. OH, YEAH. OH, I GOT THIS ONE.

397. IT'S MINE.

398. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.