Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x13

Directed by

Chris Irvine as Self

With guest star appearance by Chris Jericho.

Request examples:

!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x13 [02:32]
!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x13 [Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x13]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x13 [10-11]; !req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x13 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY,

2. AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

3. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW — TOO CLEVER BY HALF, GREG PROOPS,

4. TOO SMART FOR HIS OWN GOOD, WAYNE BRADY,

5. A REAL SMARTY-PANTS, COLIN MOCHRIE,

6. AND DYUH! DOY!

7. RYAN STILES!

8. I'M YOUR HOST — DREW CAREY.

9. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

10. HELLO. THANK YOU.

11. HOW ARE YOU?

12. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

13. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

14. THAT'S RIGHT, THE POINTS ARE LIKE

15. ANYTHING STANDING DIRECTLY BEHIND JENNIFER LOPEZ.

16. I HEARD THAT.

17. SHE IS SO FINE.

18. LET'S GET THE SHOW GOING.

19. WE'RE GONNA START WITH A GAME CALLED "PRESS CONFERENCE."

20. IT'S FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

21. GREG, RYAN, AND WAYNE ARE GONNA BE NEWSPAPER REPORTERS

22. COVERING A BIG PRESS CONFERENCE THROWN BY COLIN,

23. BUT COLIN DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE IS.

24. THESE GUYS DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS, BUT THEY'RE GONNA KNOW NOW,

25. AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA GIVE HIM CLUES,

26. AND COLIN HAS TO GUESS WHO HE IS DURING THE PRESS CONFERENCE.

27. WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, TAKE IT AWAY.

28. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THIS PRESS CONFERENCE.

29. I REALIZE IT WAS CALLED IN A HURRY,

30. AND I'M SURE YOU HAVE SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK.

31. PLEASE FEEL FREE. I WILL BE HONEST TOTALLY.

32. WHEN DID YOU FIRST FIND OUT?

33. I FOUND OUT ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO.

34. I'VE KEPT IT UNDER WRAPS SINCE THEN,

35. BUT NOW I FEEL IT'S TIME TO SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.

36. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PUBLIC'S REACTION TO THIS NEWS?

37. I SAY SCREW THE PUBLIC.

38. IF THEY CAN'T HANDLE THIS, THEN I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

39. JIM PHILIPS, TEEN BEAT. ARE YOU GONNA BE THERE?

40. I WAS PLANNING ON IT.

41. I WAS THINKING MAYBE OF GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE,

42. BUT, NO, I'M GOING TO BE EXACTLY THERE.

43. HAVE YOU TOLD THE WIZARD?

44. NO.

45. ONCE YOU TELL THE WIZARD, YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE,

46. AND ONCE THAT HAPPENS, A WHOLE KAFUFFLE —

47. YOU CAN WRITE "KAFUFFLE" —

48. WILL BREAK OUT.

49. IS THAT WITH A "FUFFLE"?

50. THAT'S WITH TWO "UFFLES."

51. KAFUFFLE.

52. YES?

53. SO I'M ASSUMING THAT THIS HAPPENED POST-HEART?

54. OH, DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY,

55. BECAUSE BEFORE, JUST COULD— IT JUST COULDN'T HAPPEN.

56. SO AT THE TIME, YOU HAD YOUR HEART ON?

57. OH, ONCE I HAD THE "HEART ON," IT WAS LIKE THAT.

58. AND IT'S AMAZING WHAT A LITTLE... WD-40 CAN DO.

59. YES?

60. HAVE YOU ANY PLANS TO GO TO KANSAS?

61. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

62. IT'S TWISTER TIME, SO IT'S NOT A GOOD TIME TO GO TO KANSAS.

63. WE WERE THINKING MAYBE GOING TO PEORIA.

64. AH, SO YOU'LL BE SPENDING MORE TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY

65. THAN WITH HERS?

66. YES. MY FAMILY ARE LIVING IN AN OLD TIN SHACK

67. WHICH USED TO BE MY GRANDFATHER.

68. YES. YOU SEEM TO HAVE GUESSED WHO YOU ARE ALREADY.

69. WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT'S THE PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT?

70. I'M THE TIN MAN ANNOUNCING MY ENGAGEMENT TO DOROTHY?

71. NO, BETTER THAN THAT.

72. I'M SLEEPING WITH HER?

73. BETTER THAN THAT.

74. WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THAT?

75. HAVING HER CHILD?

76. YES.

77. 1,000 POINTS FOR EVERYBODY, ESPECIALLY YOU, COLIN.

78. WHY, THANK YOU, DREW.

79. I GOT TO HUMOR HIM 'CAUSE HE'S BALD.

80. AW.

81. OH, MAN, NEVER MAKE FUN OF THE POPULAR FUNNY GUY.

82. THAT'S THE THING.

83. OKAY, LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "HATS."

84. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

85. COLIN AND RYAN, COME GET YOUR HATS.

86. GREG AND WAYNE, COME GET A BOX OF HATS.

87. QUICK, BEFORE SOMEBODY TAKES THE GOOD BOX.

88. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IS, THEY'RE GONNA GO BACK AND FORTH —

89. THEY'RE GONNA GO BACK AND FORTH AS QUICK AS THEY CAN

90. AND COME UP WITH AS MANY EXAMPLES AS POSSIBLE

91. OF THE WORLD'S WORST DATING-SERVICE VIDEO.

92. SO GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT AWAY WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

93. CARE TO COME SIT IN MY COCKPIT?

94. I'VE BEEN VERY BA-A-A-A-D.

95. LOOKING FOR A ONE-KNIGHT STAND?

96. THEY DON'T CALL ME "LITTLE JOHN."

97. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS PECKER.

98. PARDON ME, SEÑORITA.

99. WAIT, DOES THE SIZE OF MY SOMBRERO SCARE YOU?

100. WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS?

101. YOU FIND ME VERY ATTRACTIVE.

102. G'DAY, SHEILA.

103. WHO'D LIKE TO GO DOWN UNDER?

104. NOW THAT YOU'RE IN MY COCKPIT, DO YOU MIND IF I EJECT?

105. ALL THE LADIES SAY, "BLOW, SATCHMO, BLOW!"

106. AND THIS IS JUST MY HEAD.

107. THIS IS MY FRIEND GOURD.

108. NO, HE'S A GREAT PUMPKIN.

109. AW, SCREW IT.

110. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

111. IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE DATED.

112. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE" AFTER THIS.

113. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

114. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

115. MY NAME IS DREW CAREY.

116. I'M RICH, I'M FAMOUS, AND I'LL BE AT HOOTERS AT 11:00.

117. AH.

118. WE'RE GONNA KEEP THE SHOW GOING

119. WITH A GAME CALLED "MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES."

120. THIS IS FOR GREG, RYAN, AND COLIN.

121. COME UP AND GET THESE ITEMS. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH ONE.

122. THEY'RE GONNA DO A SCENE,

123. AND WHOEVER'S HOLDING A CERTAIN ITEM —

124. THERE'S A PERSONALITY TO GO WITH EACH ITEM.

125. THE SCENE IS — YOU'RE ALL ON A CRUISE ON THE S.S. POSEIDON

126. WHEN IT'S HIT BY A TIDAL WAVE AND CAPSIZES.

127. WHO'S EVER HOLDING THE CAPTAIN'S HAT HAS TO BE JOHN WAYNE,

128. AND WHO'S EVER HOLDING THE LIFESAVER IS LIBERACE,

129. AND WHO'S EVER HOLDING THE TELESCOPE IS RAIN MAN.

130. SO YOU'RE ON THE S.S. POSEIDON,

131. TIDAL WAVE, IT CAPSIZES, TAKE IT AWAY.

132. VERY SMALL WAVE COMING.

133. LOOK — IT'S REALLY SMALL, SMALL WAVE.

134. YOU GOT THE TELESCOPE BACKWARDS.

135. THAT'S A BIG WAVE.

136. I THINK IT'S TIME TO ABANDON SHIP.

137. EXCELLENT SAILOR. EXCELLENT SAILOR.

138. CHILDREN AND ME FIRST.

139. MY FATHER USED TO LET ME TAKE THE BOAT

140. UP AND DOWN THE POOL.

141. I'M AN EXCELLENT SAILOR, EXCELLENT SAILOR.

142. I CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT FINDING MY BROTHER GEORGE.

143. WELL, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU CAPTAIN.

144. REALLY?

145. THERE YOU GO.

146. WELL, YOU LOOK — YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT CAPTAIN.

147. YOU'RE TALLER THAN ME. LOOK — I'M SHORT.

148. THEN LET'S START TO LOWER THOSE BOATS

149. OVER THE SIDE.

150. YES.

151. LOOKS LIKE WE HIT A BIGGER... BERG THAN I THOUGHT.

152. OH, IF THE BOAT GOES OVER, WHO'S GONNA GO DOWN?

153. WAVE'S TRAVELING 15 FEET PER SECOND,

154. 15 FEET PER SECOND — 155 FEET IN ONE MINUTE.

155. AAAH! AAAH! AAAH!

156. CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S PANICKED?

157. HE'S PANICKED.

158. YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

159. JUDGE WAPNER, JUDGE WAPNER.

160. WE'VE GOT TO MAKE OUR WAY OVER THE SIDE.

161. I DON'T WANT TO GO.

162. NO, TOO MUCH WATER — CAN'T SWIM.

163. YOU HAVE TO LEAD THEM.

164. I HAVEN'T GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

165. LET'S GO DOWN TO THE BOTTOM,

166. WHICH, WHEN IT TURNS OVER —

167. I SOUND LIKE SNAGGLEPUSS.

168. THAT WAS THE BEST JOHN WAYNE I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.

169. LET'S MAKE OUR WAY

170. DOWN TO THE BOTTOM DECK.

171. CAPSIZING EVEN.

172. EXIT, STAGE LEFT.

173. LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED "GREATEST HITS."

174. THIS IS FOR COLIN, RYAN, AND WAYNE

175. WITH LAURA HALL, LINDA TAYLOR, CECE WORRALL.

176. COLIN AND RYAN ARE GONNA BE SALESMEN ON AN INFOMERCIAL

177. TRYING TO SELL YOU A COMPILATION ALBUM THAT'S JUST COME OUT.

178. THEY'RE GONNA MAKE A NAME OF A SONG AND PICK A STYLE OF MUSIC.

179. WAYNE'S GONNA HAVE TO SING A SONG BASED ON THE TITLE

180. USING THAT STYLE OF SONG.

181. WHAT I NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE IS ONE OF THE MAJOR STAGES IN LIFE.

182. RETIREMENT.

183. RETIREMENT.

184. RETIREMENT.

185. THE NAME OF THE ALBUM IS "SONGS OF RETIREMENT."

186. TAKE IT AWAY, RYAN AND COLIN.

187. HI, WE'LL BE BACK TO YOUR MOVIE,

188. "CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAG QUEEN" IN JUST A MINUTE,

189. BUT FIRST, HAVE WE GOT A DEAL FOR YOU.

190. OH, RYAN, I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD.

191. I THINK I'M JUST GOING TO GIVE IT UP

192. AND SPEND THE REST OF MY YEARS DOING NOTHING.

193. COLIN, YOU'VE GOT 5 MORE YEARS TILL YOU HIT 65...

194. IN CANADIAN.

195. THAT'S RIGHT.

196. WE'VE GOT 50 CDs FULL —

197. WELL, ACTUALLY, 30 SONGS ON 50 CDs,

198. SO 20 OF THEM HAVE NOTHING ON THEM WHATSOEVER...

199. BUT YOU CAN BURN YOUR OWN!

200. YOU KNOW, ONE OF MY FAVORITE GROUPS —

201. AND THEY'VE JUST SORT OF HIT THE CHARTS RECENTLY —

202. DESTINY'S CHILD.

203. OH, GREAT, AND NOT BAD TO LOOK AT, TOO!

204. I LIKED DESTINY, SO DESTINY'S CHILD...

205. YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

206. BUT —

207. HEY, DESTINY'S CHILD —

208. THAT'S NOT A SONG ABOUT BIRTH OR MENOPAUSE, IS IT?

209. NO, THAT'S THE NAME OF THE GROUP — DESTINY'S CHILD.

210. WHAT WOULD DESTINY'S CHILD BE, DO YOU THINK?

211. HMM. I THINK IT WOULD BE RIP TORN.

212. I DON'T KNOW WHY, I JUST THINK IT WOULD BE.

213. SOMETIMES I JUST WONDER WHY I TALK TO YOU.

214. 'CAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T, YOU WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO ANYONE.

215. THAT'S RIGHT. I'D STILL GET BETTER ANSWERS.

216. YOU KNOW —

217. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS GREAT DESTINY'S CHILD HIT...

218. "PUTTERING AROUND THE GARDEN."

219. HA.

220. HA HA.

221. BOY, YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT ANYTHING LIKE MY FAVORITE MUSIC.

222. WHAT — HO, HO, HO, HO.

223. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

224. WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN I SAY KIELBASA AND ACCORDIONS?

225. BROCCOLI.

226. AND ENOUGH GAS TO LIGHT A SMALL COUNTRY.

227. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?

228. OH, I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

229. YOU KNOW, COLIN, I WAS REFERRING TO POLKA.

230. THAT'S WHY I WAS DOING THIS.

231. OH.

232. AND I THINK ONE OF MY FAVORITE POLKA TUNES — ARE YOU OKAY?

233. NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

234. OH, DESTINY'S CHILD DOESN'T MAKE YOU SPIT, POLKA DOES.

235. YEAH.

236. I THINK ONE OF MY FAVORITE POLKA TUNES, ALL TIMES,

237. HAS TO BE "I'M GONNA TORCH THE PLACE."

238. LISTEN UP, EVERYONE.

239. BOOM!

240. OH, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A GOOD POLKA.

241. YOU BROUGHT HER, YOU "POLKA."

242. I ALSO LIKE PETER, PAUL, AND MARY.

243. THAT'S JUST ME.

244. YOU KNOW —

245. NOW I'M HAPPY! YOU KNOW WHY?

246. 'CAUSE I'M THINKING METAL.

247. OH! KINK, KINK.

248. NOTHING BETTER THAN THE "KINK, KINK" SOUND OF METAL.

249. OH, YOU'RE TALKIN' HEAVY METAL?

250. I'M JUST TALKIN' METAL.

251. IT COULD BE HEAVY, COULD BE LIGHT,

252. COULD BE ALUMINUM, COULD BE LEAD.

253. HEY, YOU JUST RAPPED THERE. DID YOU KNOW THAT?

254. I TOLD YOU — I'M A CHILD OF THE STREETS.

255. BUT I ALSO HAVE A SOFT SPOT IN MY HEART FOR METAL,

256. AND WHEN I HEAR THIS METAL TUNE,

257. MY HEART STARTS POPPIN' LIKE A 2-BIT...

258. BIT.

259. AND OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT

260. "SHUT THOSE KIDS UP, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP."

261. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

262. FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS. DON'T GO AWAY.

263. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

264. TONIGHT, WAYNE BRADY IS GONNA SIT AT THE DESK.

265. HE'S THE WINNER.

266. THE REST OF US ARE GONNA DO A GAME FOR YOU

267. CALLED "WORLD'S WORST," WHERE WE HAVE TO THINK OF

268. THE WORLD'S WORST EXAMPLES OF WHAT, WAYNE?

269. THE WORLD'S WORST SELF-HELP INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS.

270. HI, I USED TO BE PRESIDENT.

271. SOME OF YOU MIGHT HAVE TROUBLE MEETING THE LADIES.

272. I'M RICHARD SIMMONS,

273. AND I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS!

274. TO CLAP, RAISE ONE HAND...

275. THEN THE OTHER,

276. KEEPING THEM AN EQUIDISTANCE APART,

277. THEN FORCE THEM TOGETHER AT A SPEED THAT MAKES THIS SOUND.

278. REPEAT.

279. REPEAT.

280. HELLO, DUDES AND DUDETTES,

281. AND WELCOME TO "HOW TO DELIVER A PIZZA."

282. WELCOME TO "DOGS HAVE PROSTATES, TOO."

283. TAKE THE MAGAZINE IN YOUR LEFT HAND.

284. LOWER YOUR PANTS AND SIT.

285. NOW READ.

286. ONCE AGAIN —

287. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE AN EXOTIC DANCER?

288. HELLO, AND WELCOME TO "DRINKING FOR PROFESSIONALS."

289. HI, I'M DREW CAREY.

290. TODAY WE'RE GONNA LEARN HOW TO WALK BACKWARDS.

291. LOOK BEHIND YOU —

292. LOOK BEHIND YOU WHILE YOU'RE WALKING —

293. WHILE YOU'RE WALKING.

294. THERE'S A STAIR. LIFT YOUR FOOT ONTO THE STAIR...

295. PUSHING YOURSELF UP ONTO THE STAIR.

296. HI, I'M RYAN STILES.

297. WELCOME TO MY LOVEMAKING SECRETS TAPE.

298. THIS TAPE WILL END IN 60 SECONDS.

299. I WISH.

300. OH, THOSE FRUSTRATING BANANA PEELS.

301. HOW DO YOU GET THEM OFF THE BANANA?

302. HOLD THE BANANA FIRMLY IN ONE HAND.

303. OH, THOSE FRUSTRATING GERBIL SKINS.

304. I'M BILL FROM THE N.R.A., AND IT'S GUN-SAFETY WEEK.

305. 10 MORE MINUTES, WE CAN PUT ON A SECOND COAT.

306. GOOD MORNING.

307. WELCOME TO "HOW TO BE A SCOUTMASTER." NOW...

308. THAT'S WHEN THE BUZZER GOES.

309. HI, SCOUTS, WELCOME TO "ANYONE CAN MASTURBATE."

310. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE" RIGHT AFTER THIS.

311. DON'T GO AWAY.

312. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

313. RYAN AND GREG ARE GONNA READ THE CREDITS FOR YOU TONIGHT.

314. I WANT YOU TO READ THE CREDITS AS NEWS ANCHORS

315. WHO DON'T KNOW THEIR MICROPHONES ARE STILL ON.

316. THANKS FOR WATCHING, EVERYBODY. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

317. WELL.

318. I'M JUST SAYING — THEY'RE JUST NOT THE SAME.

319. I'M JUST — I'M SAYING I LIKE THE FEEL OF A THONG

320. AS OPPOSED TO BOXER SHORTS.

321. YOU EVER TRIED YOUR WIFE'S UNDERWEAR?

322. BECAUSE YOUR WIFE'S UNDERWEAR, IT'LL HUG AND IT'LL LIFT.

323. YOU AND MY WIFE ARE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE.

324. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE ABOUT THAT.

325. WELL, BUT HER UNDERWEAR —

326. I FIND WHEN YOU SQUEEZE THEM JUST THE RIGHT WAY —

327. WHAT?

328. WHAT?

329. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.

330. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.