Whose Line Is It Anyway? 4x10

1. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY,

2. AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

3. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW — AND THEY'RE OFF —

4. BRAD SHERWOOD.

5. ON THE OUTSIDE CORNER, IT'S WAYNE BRADY.

6. COMING DOWN THE STRETCH, IT'S COLIN MOCHRIE,

7. AND THE WINNER BY A NOSE, RYAN STILES.

8. AND I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.

9. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

10. HI, EVERYBODY.

11. HEY, WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

12. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS MADE UP

13. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. THAT'S RIGHT,

14. THE POINTS ARE JUST LIKE MY TREADMILL.

15. DON'T MATTER. GOT A LOT OF SHOW FOR YOU.

16. LET'S GET STARTED WITH A GAME CALLED "PRESS CONFERENCE."

17. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

18. RYAN, BRAD, AND WAYNE ARE NEWSPAPER REPORTERS

19. ATTENDING A PRESS CONFERENCE HELD BY COLIN.

20. NOW LOOK AT THIS CARD HERE,

21. 'CAUSE THAT CARD TELLS YOU WHAT COLIN IS.

22. COLIN DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS,

23. AND HE'S GOING TO TRY TO GUESS WHAT HE IS

24. FROM THE QUESTIONS THAT ARE ASKED BY EVERYBODY.

25. GOOD LUCK, COLIN, TRYING TO GUESS,

26. AND ENJOY YOUR PRESS CONFERENCE. TAKE IT AWAY.

27. WELL, THANK YOU, EVERYONE, FOR JOINING ME HERE

28. AT THIS VERY IMPORTANT PRESS CONFERENCE.

29. I WILL TRY TO ANSWER AS MANY QUESTIONS AS I CAN,

30. BUT AS YOU KNOW, MY TIME IS LIMITED.

31. YES, SIR.

32. PHIL JOHNSON — "UNPOPULAR MECHANICS."

33. HI, I'M WONDERING, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FILL YOUR TIME?

34. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

35. GUITAR —

36. I'M GOING TO PLAY A LOT OF GUITAR.

37. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN,

38. AND I THINK THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO DO IT.

39. WILLIE WILLIAMS — "EBONY ESQUIRE."

40. HAVE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME?

41. HAVE I HAD A GOOD TIME?

42. WHY, I'VE HAD THE BEST TIME EVER.

43. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I LOST 15 POUNDS.

44. YES.

45. YEAH, BARNEY HINKLE FROM "YIELD AND SCREAM."

46. I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

47. DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO DISAPPOINT A LOT OF PEOPLE?

48. AH, SCREW THEM.

49. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T CARE.

50. I'M IN THIS FOR MYSELF.

51. I'M HERE TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY,

52. AND IF OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T ACCEPT THAT,

53. WELL, THEN TOODLE-OO. YES?

54. ARE YOU PLANNING ON MOVING SOMEWHERE WARMER?

55. I WAS THINKING MAYBE MEXICO,

56. BECAUSE I... LIKE IT THERE.

57. YOU SLAY ME.

58. WHAT ABOUT ALL YOUR ANIMAL FRIENDS?

59. HEY, ANIMAL FRIENDS ARE THERE TO BE ANIMAL FRIENDS.

60. IF THEY CAN'T HANDLE BEING A CARPET —

61. I MAY HAVE SAID TOO MUCH.

62. YES?

63. I'M JUST WONDERING — NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE,

64. WHO'S GOING TO TAKE OVER?

65. I'M NOT SURE.

66. WE'RE THINKING MAYBE DONALD TRUMP.

67. SO HAVE YOU MADE A LIST OF WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO NOW,

68. AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU CHECKED IT?

69. YOU KNOW, I'VE CHECKED IT MORE THAN ONCE,

70. BUT LESS THAN 10 TIMES,

71. BECAUSE AROUND FOUR I GET BORED.

72. YES?

73. NOW, I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONTRACT IS NOT UP, THOUGH.

74. IS THERE SOME CLAUSE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO GET OUT OF THIS?

75. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

76. I AM FORCED TO DO THIS FOREVER AND A DAY.

77. YOU WERE QUOTED REFERENCING "HO."

78. IS THAT SOME SORT OF SEX SCANDAL WE'RE NOT AWARE OF?

79. WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT, YES,

80. AND THERE WERE THREE OF THEM.

81. COLIN, IF YOU CAN'T GET THIS, WE'RE ALL GOING TO STRANGLE YOU.

82. WHO ARE YOU?

83. I'M SANTA CLAUS.

84. AND?

85. I'M FIRING MY ELVES.

86. NO, IF YOU'RE GOING TO MOVE TO MEXICO,

87. WHY WOULD YOU MOVE TO MEXICO? BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO...

88. RETIRE.

89. YES.

90. 1,000 POINTS TO EVERYBODY THERE,

91. EXCEPT FOR — ESPECIALLY COLIN.

92. THAT WAS A GOOD GAME. I HOPE WE PLAY THIS GAME SOME MORE.

93. NOW WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A GAME CALLED

94. "IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN."

95. THIS IS FOR BRAD, COLIN, AND RYAN.

96. BRAD AND COLIN ARE GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE.

97. RYAN'S GOING TO JUMP IN LATER.

98. THE IDEA OF THIS SCENE IS, THEY HAVE TO USE

99. AS MANY OBSCURE EUPHEMISMS AND CLICHES

100. RELATED TO THE SETTING AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN.

101. IT'S REALLY FUN TO PLAY. THE SCENE IS...

102. COLIN AND BRAD ARE TWO GUYS WHO WORK IN AN OFFICE.

103. RYAN IS THEIR COLLEAGUE WHO COMES IN TO JOIN THEM.

104. YOU WORK IN AN OFFICE. TAKE IT AWAY.

105. I WAS JUST AT THE XEROX MACHINE.

106. I'D LIKE YOU TO LOOK AT MY ENLARGEMENTS,

107. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

108. WELL, ONCE I'M FINISHED WITH MY FLOPPY,

109. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

110. I HEARD YOU WERE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH YOUR HARD DRIVE,

111. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

112. YEAH.

113. SORRY I'M LATE. I WAS DRILLING SOME REAMS,

114. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

115. I SAW YOUR REPORT. IT CAME UP A LITTLE SHORT,

116. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

117. WELL, I'M HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH MY R.A.M.,

118. IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

119. EVERYONE'S BEEN LAUGHING AT YOUR BRIEFS,

120. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

121. NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

122. WELL, I HAVE TO GO SHARPEN MY PENCIL,

123. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

124. I GOT TO GO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX,

125. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

126. I'M GOING TO GO...

127. SEE IF I CAN GO

128. JAM MYSELF INTO MY CUBICLE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

129. NO.

130. I WAS GOING TO RUN SOMETHING UP THE FLAGPOLE,

131. SEE IF ANYONE GRABBED IT, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

132. I HAVE TO MOVE OUT SOON.

133. WILL YOU HELP ME WITH MY ENORMOUS CREDENZA,

134. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

135. I'LL HELP YOU FLUFF YOUR GARFIELD,

136. IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

137. WELL, I'M GOING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

138. I'M GOING TO GO SLEEP WITH THE BOSS,

139. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

140. BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE KEEPING SCORE AT HOME

141. WONDERING WHO THE WINNER IS RIGHT NOW,

142. PHEW, MAN, GET A LIFE.

143. YOU'RE WATCHING THE SHOW FOR THE WRONG REASON.

144. LET'S MOVE ON TO GAME CALLED "SHOW-STOPPING NUMBER."

145. THIS IS FOR RYAN, COLIN, AND WAYNE,

146. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR.

147. SOMEBODY ON THIS SIDE OF THE CROWD,

148. IF YOU HAVE A BORING JOB, TELL ME WHAT IT IS.

149. VETERINARIAN. VETERINARIAN.

150. THEY'RE GOING TO START THE SCENE —

151. WHEN I HIT THE BUZZER, THEY'RE GOING TO BREAK INTO

152. A BIG SHOW-STOPPING MUSICAL NUMBER

153. USING THE LAST LINE THEY SAID.

154. SO THE SCENE IS YOU'RE WORKING AS VETERINARIANS. TAKE IT AWAY.

155. JUST SAVED ANOTHER DOG'S LIFE.

156. YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, FRED.

157. WAS IT SICK?

158. IT WAS CLOSE TO DYING.

159. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

160. I'M GOING TO WORK ON THE POODLE.

161. OVER THERE.

162. I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO SAVE HER.

163. YOU'RE THE BEST DARN DOCTOR IN THESE PARTS.

164. HEY, YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD, TOO.

165. YOU KNOW, I WORRY ABOUT THE DAY

166. WHEN YOU LEAVE ME TO OPEN YOUR OWN PRACTICE.

167. IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. YOU BETTER SCRUB UP.

168. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

169. I'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE WITH YOU, PHIL.

170. I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO HEAR THAT.

171. I WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU —

172. IT'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU FOR YEARS.

173. I WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU JILL

174. IF ONLY YOU'D MENTIONED SOMETHING EARLIER.

175. MY — MY COCKATIEL —

176. HE'S HURT.

177. CALM DOWN. TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.

178. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG. I NEED YOUR HELP.

179. DON'T WORRY, LADY. WE CAN HELP.

180. LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

181. PLEASE —

182. WHAT'S THE COCKATIEL'S NAME?

183. LITTLE REGGIE THE COCKATIEL.

184. THANK YOU.

185. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE" RIGHT AFTER THIS.

186. DON'T GO AWAY.

187. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

188. THE SHOW WITH MORE SAME-SEX MOUTH-TO-MOUTH KISSING

189. THAN ANY SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.

190. I'M DREW CAREY, LORD OF THE ONION RINGS.

191. GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE. UH...

192. WE'RE GOING TO KEEP THE SHOW GOING.

193. I THOUGHT I SAID THAT SO FAST YOU WOULDN'T CATCH IT,

194. BUT YOU DID.

195. NOW WE'RE GOING TO GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "DUBBING."

196. THIS IS FOR BRAD, RYAN, AND COLIN.

197. BRAD, RYAN, AND COLIN — IT'S CALLED "DUBBING."

198. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, PLEASE?

199. BETTY.

200. YOUR NAME IS BETTY.

201. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, BETTY?

202. I'M A CLERK.

203. YOU'RE A CLERK.

204. COME ON DOWN HERE, BETTY. SAY HI TO EVERYBODY.

205. SAY HI TO RYAN AND COLIN.

206. BETTY, THIS IS A GREAT GAME.

207. YOU'RE GOING TO REALLY HELP US OUT ON THIS ONE.

208. IT'S CALLED "DUBBING WITH AUDIENCE MEMBER,"

209. AND WHAT HAPPENS IS RYAN AND COLIN ARE

210. GOING TO ACT OUT A SCENE WITH YOU,

211. BUT YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY SPEAK. YOU DON'T ACTUALLY SPEAK.

212. ALL YOU DO IS MOVE YOUR MOUTH WHEN THEY CUE YOU TO,

213. AND ALL YOUR LINES ARE GOING TO BE PROVIDED BY BRAD.

214. BRAD IS GOING TO SPEAK FOR YOU.

215. ALL YOU DO IS PLAY THE SCENE AND MOVE YOUR MOUTH

216. WHENEVER BRAD TALKS.

217. THE SCENE IS HIGH SCHOOL QUARTERBACK COLIN...

218. YOU'RE MAKING A MOVE ON STAR ATHLETE BETTY,

219. WHO IS STRETCHING BY THE TRACK.

220. RYAN, HER JOCK BOYFRIEND, ARRIVES TO TRAIN WITH HER.

221. HI, BETTY.

222. SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU WHILE YOU'RE STRETCHING.

223. THAT'S OKAY.

224. THAT'S OKAY.

225. SO YOU SEE ME WIN THE BIG GAME YESTERDAY?

226. YES, I DID.

227. YOU LOOKED GREAT.

228. HEY, AND I HEARD YOU'RE TRYING OUT

229. FOR THE VENTRILOQUIST ACT IN THE SCHOOL PLAY.

230. HOW'S IT BEEN GOING?

231. IT'S BEEN GOING GREAT.

232. I'VE GOT THE LIP DELAY DOWN PERFECT.

233. THAT'S GREAT. HEY, BETTY — WHOA.

234. WHAT'S GOING ON?

235. HEY, NOTHING. IT'S A FREE WORLD.

236. BETTY AND I WERE JUST TALKING.

237. OH, HI, HONEY.

238. HI, HONEY.

239. FORGET ABOUT HIM. LET'S STRETCH.

240. WAIT A MINUTE!

241. HOW COME YOU'RE SHOWING UP

242. EVERYWHERE THAT ME AND BETTY ARE?

243. 'CAUSE I THINK BETTY AND I

244. HAVE A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP GOING ON.

245. BETTY, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.

246. NO, REALLY, THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON.

247. I SWEAR. I SWEAR. I SWEAR. I SWEAR.

248. I SWEAR!

249. WELL, YOUR LIPS MAY BE — NO, ACTUALLY, THEY'RE NOT.

250. BETTY, I'VE GOT A CONFESSION — I LOVE YOU.

251. WHAT? I LOVE HER.

252. I SAID IT FIRST.

253. WHO DO YOU LOVE, BETTY? MAKE A CHOICE.

254. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

255. DON'T LOOK OVER THERE.

256. THIS IS THE CHOICE YOU HAVE.

257. HMM...

258. WHO DO I LOVE MOST?

259. LET ME THINK.

260. WELL, IT MIGHT BE YOU

261. OR IT MIGHT BE YOU.

262. WELL, IT'S DEFINITELY YOU.

263. HA!

264. TAKE THAT, MR. JOCK QUARTERBACK.

265. OH, BETTY, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

266. LOOK, I'LL MEET YOU OUT BY THE CAR.

267. OKAY.

268. I'LL LET YOU HAVE A LAST —

269. OH, WITH HER.

270. I'LL LET YOU SAY YOUR GOODBYES.

271. I'LL KEEP THE ENGINE RUNNING.

272. WELL, I'M SORRY I BROKE YOUR HEART.

273. YEAH, YOU LOOK IT.

274. BUT —

275. BUT I WORKED UP THIS WONDERFUL CHEER

276. AS A WAY TO SAY GOODBYE.

277. "A,"

278. "B,"

279. "C,"

280. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU,

281. I LOVE YOU —

282. THANK YOU, BETTY.

283. I LIKE THAT STRETCHING THING.

284. AAH, MAN, NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE —

285. A LITTLE STRETCHING BEFORE WORK, PROBABLY,

286. WHEN YOU GO TO GET YOUR CLERK'S JOB.

287. THAT'S REALLY GOOD. THANK YOU, BETTY.

288. 1,000 POINTS FOR YOU. THANKS A LOT.

289. NOW WE'RE GOING TO PLAY

290. A LITTLE GAME CALLED "SCENES FROM A HAT."

291. BRAD AND WAYNE, RYAN AND COLIN,

292. LINE UP ON YOUR SIDES.

293. NOW, WHAT HAPPENS IS, BEFORE EVERY SHOW,

294. WE ASK OUR AUDIENCE MEMBERS

295. TO WRITE DOWN SUGGESTIONS FOR DIFFERENT THINGS.

296. ONE OF THEM IS SCENES THEY'D LIKE TO SEE PULLED FROM THIS HAT

297. TO MAKE OUR PERFORMERS DO. WE TAKE THE GOOD ONES —

298. WE DON'T TAKE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

299. A LOT OF THEM STINK.

300. WE TAKE THE GOOD ONES, AND WE PUT THEM IN THIS HAT,

301. AND WE SEE HOW MANY THEY CAN ACT OUT.

302. STARTING WITH...

303. "WHAT OLYMPIC MEDALISTS ARE REALLY THINKING

304. WHILE THEY'RE LISTENING TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEM."

305. I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A GOLD

306. IF I JUST STRETCHED A LITTLE MORE.

307. AFTER THE OLYMPICS,

308. I'M GOING TO GO FLUFF MY GARFIELD.

309. "TIMES WHEN 'EENIE, MEENIE, MINEY, MO'

310. IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE SELECTION METHOD."

311. MINEY, MO.

312. CONGRATULATIONS, MR. BUSH.

313. JUST ABOUT SUMS IT UP, DOESN'T IT?

314. "WHAT ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL REALLY SAID

315. THE FIRST TIME HE USED THE PHONE."

316. WAZZUP?

317. OH, YEAH. THEN WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

318. DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN?

319. ALL RIGHT,

320. "THINGS THE PILOT WISHES HE HADN'T SAID

321. WHEN THE INTERCOM WAS ON."

322. WHOA, THOSE CHALUPAS ARE COMING BACK ON ME.

323. HAWAII'S KIND OF SHAPED LIKE A LIVER, RIGHT?

324. WHEW, THIS IS EASIER THAN I THOUGHT.

325. I'M SO HORNY I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT.

326. DID YOU SEE THE JUGS ON THE GIRL IN ROW 4?

327. "FIRST LINES OF THE WORST POEMS EVER WRITTEN."

328. DID YOU SEE THE JUGS ON THE GIRL IN ROW 4?

329. WHEN I WAS DRUNK, YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL.

330. THOUGH YOU COME

331. FROM THE SMALL TOWN OF POCKPUCKER...

332. ALL RIGHT,

333. "THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE EJECTOR SEATS."

334. "THINGS FOUND IN DREW CAREY'S APPOINTMENT BOOK."

335. 8:30 — COUNT MY MONEY.

336. 9:00 — COUNT MY MONEY.

337. 10:00 — COUNT MY —

338. 8:00 — BLOW UP —

339. PICK UP DATE.

340. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ALL RIGHT,

341. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS.

342. DON'T GO AWAY.

343. HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

344. TONIGHT'S WINNER — BRAD SHERWOOD.

345. AND WITH THE HELP OF OUR GOOD FRIEND LAURA HALL,

346. LAURA'S GOING TO HELP US DO OUR FAVORITE GAME,

347. CALLED "HOEDOWN"!

348. "HOEDOWN."

349. LET'S HAVE A SUGGESTION —

350. LET'S HAVE A SUGGESTION FROM SOME PEOPLE OVER HERE.

351. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?

352. DOCTOR.

353. LET'S DO THE DOCTOR HOEDOWN. DOCTOR HOEDOWN.

354. DOCTOR HOEDOWN.

355. TAKE IT AWAY, LAURA HALL, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

356. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE" RIGHT AFTER THIS.

357. DON'T GO AWAY.

358. HEY, THANKS FOR COMING BACK, EVERYBODY.

359. WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW TONIGHT

360. WITH COLIN MOCHRIE READING THE CREDITS FOR YOU TONIGHT.

361. COLIN, I WANT YOU TO READ THE CREDITS

362. WHILE YOU FLUFF YOUR GARFIELD.

363. THANKS FOR WATCHING, EVERYBODY. GOOD NIGHT.

364. YOU KNOW, DAN PATTERSON SHOWED ME HOW TO DO THIS.

365. HE SAID IF YOU FLUFF YOUR GARFIELD,

366. IT'LL REALLY HELP YOUR ODIE.

367. HEY, MY LITTLE TOM PARK,

368. THERE'S A LITTLE FLUFF RIGHT HERE.

369. JUST A LITTLE BIT RIGHT UP HERE.

370. THERE YOU GO. JUST READJUST YOUR RAY MILLER.

371. OH, COME ON, GARFIELD, COME ON.

372. WHAT THE — BABALU!

373. ALL RIGHT, THERE WE GO. A LITTLE JOHN O'BRIEN.

374. OH. OW, OW, OW! NAILS! NAILS!

375. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.