Whose Line Is It Anyway? 3x19

Directed by

Carson Kressley as Self • Heather Anne Campbell as Self

Guests: TV host Carson Kressley and comedian Heather Anne Campbell.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. GOOD EVENING.

2. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

3. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW —

4. HE'S LOADED WITH FEATURES — GREG PROOPS!

5. HE'S INTERNET-READY — WAYNE BRADY!

6. HE'S USER-FRIENDLY — COLIN MOCHRIE!

7. AND HIS DISK IS FLOPPY — RYAN STILES!

8. I'M DREW CAREY, YOUR HOST.

9. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!

10. OH, MY GOSH. HELLO.

11. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" —

12. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

13. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

14. THAT'S RIGHT. THE POINTS ARE LIKE, UH,

15. WHO'S BEHIND YOU IN THE BUFFET LINE.

16. WHO CARES?

17. FIRST, LET'S START OUT EVERYTHING

18. WITH A GAME CALLED "HOLLYWOOD DIRECTOR."

19. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

20. GREG, WY— GREG, RYAN, AND WAYNE —

21. SIX YEARS. HE DOESN'T KNOW MY NAME.

22. YOU ARE SO DRUNK.

23. YEAH.

24. WOW. THAT'S THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP, HUH?

25. I KNOW.

26. WHISKEY IN YOUR CUP.

27. UH, GREG, RYAN, AND WAYNE ARE GOING TO ACT OUT

28. A FILM SCENE.

29. COLIN'S GOING TO BE THE DIRECTOR

30. WHO KEEPS GIVING THE ACTORS DIFFERENT NOTES

31. ON HOW TO IMPROVE THE SCENE.

32. HERE'S THE NOTES FOR COLIN — NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE.

33. RYAN IS A NERVOUS BANK ROBBER HOLDING UP WAYNE, THE TELLER.

34. GREG IS A COP WHO BURSTS IN.

35. SO, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, START THE SCENE,

36. AND THE DIRECTOR HERE WILL TAKE OVER FOR YOU.

37. LET ME HAVE ALL YOUR —

38. LET ME HAVE ALL YOUR —

39. LET ME HAVE ALL YOUR MONEY.

40. LOOK, UM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST —

41. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

42. SHUT UP! THAT'S YOU. I KNOW IT'S YOU!

43. KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED.

44. DON'T GO "WO, WO, WO" ANYMORE.

45. I SEE IT. I SEE IT ON THE CORNER.

46. OH!

47. NO MORE "WO, WO, WO."

48. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU ANYMORE.

49. HERE, HERE.

50. I GOT $20s, $10s, AND $5s. JUST GO, PLEASE!

51. I GOT KIDS.

52. FREEZE!

53. PUT DOWN THOSE GUNS! I HAVE A SUGAR DONUT!

54. CUT, CUT, CUT!

55. CRAP, CRAP, NOT TOO BAD.

56. COME ON! THIS IS IN 3-D!

57. IT'S NOT IN MARVELOUS CRAPAVISION!

58. LET'S CONCENTRATE!

59. YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT.

60. NO, IT ISN'T, 'CAUSE I WON A DOUGIE.

61. WHAT'S A DOUGIE?

62. DON'T ASK!

63. WHAT WE NEED IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

64. WE NEED EMOTION, LOTS OF EMOTION —

65. A SOAP OPERA.

66. A SOAP OPERA.

67. YOU'RE PREGNANT, YOU'RE NOT.

68. YOU HAVE A LIMP.

69. ACTION!

70. I WANT ALL YOUR MONEY

71. OR I'LL MAKE MY WATER BREAK.

72. PLEASE, I'M SORRY!

73. PUT IT IN THE BAG!

74. I'M SORRY! HERE!

75. I'VE GOT $10s, $20s, AND...

76. MY GOD, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

77. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

78. MY NAME IS JEAN-PHILIPPE,

79. BUT YOU KNOW ME BY JIMMY.

80. JIMMY!

81. YES.

82. THIS IS YOUR BABY, JIMMY.

83. FREEZE! I THOUGHT IT WAS MY BABY.

84. OH!

85. CUT, CUT, CUT!

86. CRAP, CRAPPIER,

87. STILL ALL RIGHT.

88. YOU ARE THIS CLOSE TO BEING SUBSTITUTED

89. WITH GARY COLEMAN.

90. THIS CLOSE! THIS CLOSE!

91. THIS — DON'T DO THAT.

92. ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, LET'S THINK.

93. I KNOW. WHAT WE NEED IS A LITTLE ACTION,

94. SO I WANT YOU TO SPEED UP,

95. BUT THEN SLOW DOWN.

96. GIVES THE AUDIENCE TIME TO THINK.

97. SPEED UP...

98. AND THEN SLOW DOWN.

99. OKAY.

100. OR SLOW DOWN AND THEN SPEED UP.

101. I'LL LEAVE IT UP TO YOU.

102. ALL RIGHT, ACTION. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

103. UH... AAH!

104. PUT... ALL... THE... MONEY...

105. IN THE BAGS AND DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES, YOU HEAR ME?

106. I CAN'T — I CAN'T — I CAN'T —

107. PUT THEM IN THE BAGS! DON'T DO THAT!

108. ALL RIGHT, DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

109. EVERYBODY FREEZE!

110. I'M A POLICE OFFICER.

111. HIT HIM, NOT ME. UNH-UNH.

112. CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT! OKAY, I WAS WRONG.

113. THAT'S REALLY HARD TO DO.

114. OH, IT'S REALLY HARD TO DO. IT'S REALLY HARD TO DO.

115. I'M A GENIUS!

116. DON'T YELL!

117. WHEN KUBRICK TOLD SOMEONE TO SPEED UP AND SLOW DOWN —

118. ANYWAY, LOOK...

119. WHAT'S A DOUGIE?

120. A DOUGIE, IT'S A NICE — IT'S A CANADIAN BEAVER.

121. LOOK, EVERYBODY,

122. WE HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.

123. YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF YOUR BEATS.

124. I'VE SEEN BETTER ACTING DURING SEX.

125. ALL RIGHT, I KNOW. WHAT WE NEED IS SEX.

126. THERE'S NO SEX BETWEEN YOU PEOPLE.

127. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

128. WHAT I WANT IS STRIPPERS.

129. I WANT YOU ALL TO BE STRIPPERS.

130. YOU TWO SPEED UP AND SLOW DOWN,

131. AND YOU STRIP AS GOOFY.

132. YOU HEARD ME!

133. ACTION!

134. ALL RIGHT.

135. DON'T MESS WITH ME.

136. PUT ALL THE MONEY IN THE BAG.

137. GAWRSH!

138. HYUK! GAWRSH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO —

139. GAWRSH! HYUK-YUK!

140. DON'T HIT THAT BUTTON.

141. EV—

142. HYUK!

143. EVERYBODY FREEZE.

144. I'M THE LAW.

145. THIS IS MY NIGHTSTICK, AND I'M THE LAW.

146. WE GOT IT ALL.

147. WHOSE BELT IS THAT?

148. MAN, I AM SO LUCKY

149. I'M SITTING BEHIND THIS DESK.

150. OH, SWEET LORD, YOU CAN TAKE ME NOW.

151. 1,000 POINTS.

152. PUT IT IN HERE.

153. LET'S MOVE ON TO A GAME CALLED "SONG STYLES."

154. THIS IS FOR WAYNE BRADY WITH LAURA HALL, LINDA TAYLOR,

155. AND ANN KING ON THE TRUMPET.

156. WHAT I NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE IS A PROFESSION —

157. A REALLY BORING, MUNDANE PROFESSION.

158. BANK TELLER.

159. BANK TELLER'S GOOD. THAT'S A NICE, BORING JOB.

160. SO YOU'RE GOING TO DO A SONG

161. IN THE STYLE OF "WEST SIDE STORY,"

162. AND YOU'RE THE BANK TELLER GANG.

163. AND THE TWIST IS THE OTHER THREE OF YOU

164. GET TO BE A GANG BEHIND HIM DANCING AROUND.

165. YOU'RE THE BANK TELLER GANG

166. WITH LINDA TAYLOR, LAURA HALL, AND ANN KING,

167. SO WHENEVER YOU GUYS ARE READY, TAKE IT AWAY.

168. SHH.

169. BANK.

170. BANK.

171. BANK.

172. YEAH.

173. THANK YOU.

174. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE."

175. DON'T GO AWAY.

176. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

177. I'M DREW CAREY,

178. OR AS I'M KNOWN AROUND HERE, THE LEGGY BLONDE.

179. WOW.

180. LET'S START OUT WITH THIS GAME CALLED "SOUND EFFECTS."

181. THIS IS FOR RYAN AND COLIN.

182. I'M GOING TO GO OUT INTO THE AUDIENCE.

183. I'M GOING TO PICK TWO PEOPLE.

184. HELLO. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

185. MICKEY.

186. MICKEY, WHY DON'T YOU COME ON DOWN WITH ME?

187. RIGHT OVER HERE.

188. WHY DON'T YOU WALK UP OVER BY MY DESK?

189. I'LL GET YOU IN A SECOND.

190. AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME, PLEASE?

191. CATHERINE.

192. CATHERINE. COME ON DOWN HERE, CATHERINE.

193. JOIN MICKEY HERE.

194. HERE'S A MICROPHONE FOR EACH OF YOU.

195. OKAY, MICKEY AND CATHERINE,

196. RYAN AND COLIN ARE GOING TO DO A SCENE FOR US,

197. AND YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO PROVIDE THE SOUND EFFECTS.

198. MICKEY, YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE THE SOUND EFFECTS FOR RYAN.

199. CATHERINE, YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE THE SOUND EFFECTS FOR COLIN.

200. YOU'RE GOING TO DO THE SOUND EFFECTS FOR THEM,

201. AND THE SCENE IS

202. RYAN IS TARZAN AND COLIN IS JANE,

203. AND THEY'RE HUNTING FOR FOOD

204. WHEN THEY HEAR TROUBLE IN THE JUNGLE.

205. AND YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO DO THE SOUND EFFECTS FOR THEM.

206. WHEN YOU GUYS ARE READY, GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT AWAY.

207. TARZAN, YOU GOT TO STOP

208. PULLING ME INTO THE TREE BY MY HAIR.

209. HMM. JANE NO LIKE?

210. NO, JANE NO LIKE.

211. TARZAN GO GET FOOD FOR JANE.

212. JANE COME WITH TARZAN?

213. YES.

214. LET ME CALL FOR TRUSTY ELEPHANT.

215. AAH!

216. SORRY.

217. AY-EE-AY-EE- AY-EE-AY-EE-AY-EE-AH.

218. AAH!

219. IT MUST BE TIME TO WAKE UP.

220. ALL THAT COME IS ARMADILLO.

221. GET ON ARMADILLO.

222. WELL, THAT'S —

223. WHY DON'T WE JUST WALK?

224. CAREFUL! TARZAN LION.

225. GRRAAH!

226. AW, IT'S A SISSY LION.

227. NOT THAT BIG.

228. [ IMITATES LION MEOWING QUIETLY ]

229. I'LL LET HIM GO.

230. OH.

231. OH.

232. JUNGLE NOT HOW TARZAN REMEMBER.

233. NO.

234. OH, LOOK. THOSE COCONUTS LOOK NICE.

235. DO YOU WANT TARZAN TO GO GET ONE FOR YOU?

236. ALL RIGHT.

237. YOU KNOW WHAT?

238. THOSE BERLITZ TAPES ARE REALLY HELPING YOU.

239. THEY WORK.

240. NIGHT SCHOOL COURSE PAY OFF FOR TARZAN.

241. HERE, LET ME SEE

242. IF I CAN HIT THEM WITH THIS ROCK.

243. OH, THROW IT, JANE.

244. JANE HAVE GUN?

245. LET ME TRY A SMALLER ROCK.

246. OH.

247. TARZAN KILL —

248. JANE KILL TARZAN'S FAVORITE BIRD.

249. SORRY.

250. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.

251. TARZAN CLIMB, GET COCONUT.

252. THROW NO MORE.

253. ALL RIGHT.

254. SOMEONE — SOMEONE GREASE TREE.

255. YES.

256. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

257. I BROUGHT MY MACHETE. WHY DON'T I JUST CHOP

258. SOME LITTLE TOEHOLDS IN IT FOR YOU?

259. WAIT.

260. TARZAN HEAR PLANE.

261. [ IMITATES LOUD AIRPLANE ENGINE ]

262. IT —

263. IT GO BY SO QUICK, TARZAN HAVE NO TIME TO SIGNAL.

264. IT'S COMING AGAIN.

265. MAYBE —

266. YOU KNOW, JANE AND TARZAN BUILD FIRE

267. SO NEXT TIME PLANE COME, THEY SEE FIRE.

268. YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME

269. I'VE SEEN A PLANE ATTACHED TO A LAWN MOWER.

270. IT GO QUICK. JANE, START FIRE.

271. ALL RIGHT.

272. I'M RUBBING THESE STICKS TOGETHER.

273. RUB STICKS TOGETHER. START FIRE, JANE.

274. JANE, START FIRE.

275. I'M TRYING.

276. JANE, START FIRE.

277. I'M TRYING!

278. JANE, START FIRE!

279. [ IMITATES WOOD RUBBING ]

280. A HELICOPTER NOW! HELICOPTER!

281. LOOK, TARZAN, I ACCIDENTALLY STARTED A FIRE!

282. ALL THE ANIMALS ARE STAMPEDING TOWARDS US!

283. OH, NO!

284. LOOK AT THE MONKEYS!

285. Mickey and Catherine:

286. LOOK AT THE CROCODILES!

287. AAH!

288. THE HIPPOS! THE HIPPOS!

289. HIPPOS!

290. JANE...

291. ALL ANIMALS SICK.

292. THERE IS A NASTY FLU GOING AROUND.

293. JANE, TARZAN WANT YOU TO STAY FOREVER.

294. CAN YOU NOT HEAR TARZAN'S...

295. TARZAN HEART BEAT FOR YOU, JANE.

296. BA-BUM, BA-BUM, BA-BUM.

297. WOW, THAT'S QUITE A BA-BUM YOU HAVE THERE.

298. THANK YOU.

299. MY HEART BEATS FOR YOU, TOO —

300. SORRY.

301. WAS THAT YOU?

302. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THAT WAS GREAT.

303. THAT WAS GREAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

304. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

305. CATHERINE AND MICKEY, 1,000 POINTS TO EACH OF YOU.

306. THAT WAS REALLY GREAT.

307. WHOO!

308. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

309. NOBODY'S GOING TO RAZZ YOU TOO MUCH ABOUT THAT AT WORK.

310. OOH. AH.

311. WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A GAME NOW CALLED "HATS."

312. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

313. COME GET YOUR BOX OF HATS.

314. COLIN AND RYAN, GREG AND WAYNE.

315. WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO IS THEY'RE GOING TO GO

316. BACK AND FORTH AS FAST AS THEY CAN,

317. AND THEY'RE GOING TO TRY TO COME UP

318. WITH AS MANY EXAMPLES AS POSSIBLE

319. OF THE WORLD'S WORST DATING SERVICE VIDEO.

320. WORLD'S WORST DATING SERVICE VIDEO,

321. STARTING WITH COLIN AND RYAN.

322. THE WORLD'S WORST DATING SERVICE VIDEO,

323. USING THE HATS IN THE BOX.

324. COLIN AND RYAN, GO AHEAD AND START.

325. CARE TO SUCK ON A CUBAN FOR A WHILE?

326. NOW, NOW, CHILDREN,

327. THERE'S PLENTY OF LOVING FOR EVERYONE.

328. HOW ABOUT INSTEAD, I GIVE YOU A TIP?

329. YO.

330. I'M FROM BEVERLY HILLS, AND I BE PIMPIN'.

331. WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMAS?

332. THIS SANTA CLAUS WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM

333. FITTING IN YOUR CHIMNEY.

334. NEXT TO ME, MY HORSE FEELS INADEQUATE.

335. I'M A CANDY GIRL IN VEGAS —

336. I'VE —

337. I'M FROM EXPRESS MAIL,

338. AND I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE THERE OVERNIGHT.

339. MY LOVING'S SO GOOD, IT'LL MAKE YOUR CHICKEN RUN.

340. SEE, IT'S A MOVIE. HA HA HA HA.

341. NO, BABY. YOU BETTER BE PREPARED.

342. HI, I'M A MEMBER OF CONGRESS.

343. IT'S OKAY. I'M WEARING A RUBBER.

344. HI, I'M CAROL CHANNING, AND...

345. IF ONLY YOU COULD SEE MY PANTS.

346. WANT TO MOUNT A MOUNTIE?

347. WANT TO FIND OUT WHY THEY CALL ME SPEED RACER?

348. I'M LOOKING FOR THE ELUSIVE CANADIAN BEAVER.

349. HELP, THEY'RE MAKING ME DO HATS. I WANT TO GO HOME.

350. ALL RIGHT, HEY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK,

351. FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS. DON'T GO ANYWHERE.

352. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

353. TONIGHT'S WINNER — GREG AND COLIN.

354. GREG AND COLIN ARE THE CO-WINNERS.

355. SO THEY'RE GOING TO RELAX,

356. AND THE THREE OF US ARE GOING TO SING A SONG TO CHRISTINA,

357. WHO WE PULLED OUT OF THE AUDIENCE.

358. WE'RE GOING TO SING A BROADWAY SONG.

359. WE'RE LIKE A STRANGE, 3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR

360. MAKING UP ONE WORD AT A TIME

361. AS IF WE HAD THREE HEADS.

362. WE'RE GOING TO SING TO CHRISTINA.

363. WHAT I NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE IS A FILL-IN-THE-BLANK —

364. YOU FILL MY LIFE WITH WHAT?

365. JELLO, I HEARD.

366. YOU FILL MY LIFE WITH JELLO.

367. IT'S THE HIT BROADWAY SONG

368. "YOU FILL MY LIFE WITH JELLO"

369. TO CHRISTINA HERE.

370. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

371. THANK YOU.

372. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE."

373. TAKE IT EASY. THANKS, CHRISTINA.

374. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

375. TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW

376. WITH RYAN AND COLIN READING THE CREDITS FOR YOU,

377. AND I WANT YOU TO READ THE CREDITS FOR US

378. AS YOUR GOOD OLD TARZAN AND JANE,

379. SO THANKS FOR WATCHING, EVERYBODY. SEE YOU LATER.

380. IT WAS DEVELOPED BY DAN PATTERSON

381. AND MARK LEVESON, TARZAN.

382. PA-TER-SON.

383. PATTERSON.

384. PA-TER-SON.

385. AND WHO'S THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS?

386. MARK...

387. LEVESON.

388. TOM PARK. JUNGLE KIND OF LIKE PARK.

389. CAN YOU — WHAT'S CHEETAH DOING?

390. THIS IS GREG PROOPS.

391. CHEETAH LIKE YOU.

392. OH, NOW, TAR— NOW, LOOK —

393. ALL ANIMALS LIKE YOU.

394. ALL ANIMALS IN JUNGLE LIKE YOU.

395. WELL, I KNOW, TARZAN, BUT I DON'T WANT THEM TO.

396. TAKE JANE. TAKE JANE AWAY. TAKE JANE BACK HOME.

397. TARZAN FIND NEW GIRL.

398. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.