Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x9

Directed by

Keegan-Michael Key as Self

Guest comic Keegan-Michael Key.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

2. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW —

3. LEAN AND TENDER — BRAD SHERWOOD.

4. NICELY TRIMMED — WAYNE BRADY.

5. WELL-MARBLED — COLIN MOCHRIE.

6. AND THE BITS THAT GO IN TO MAKE A HOT DOG — RYAN STILES.

7. AND I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.

8. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

9. OH!

10. AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" —

11. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP,

12. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER, KIND OF LIKE CANADA.

13. HA HA HA HA HA.

14. COLIN, I'M KIDDING AROUND, BUDDY.

15. I'M JUST JOKING AROUND, COLIN.

16. I LOVE CANADA. IT'S THE GREATEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.

17. IF YOU NEVER SAW THE SHOW BEFORE —

18. PROBABLY YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN IN CANADA.

19. THESE FOUR TALENTED PEOPLE,

20. INCLUDING THE EXTRA-TALENTED ONE FROM CANADA,

21. ARE GOING TO IMPROVISE SCENES

22. BASED ON SUGGESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE

23. AND WHAT'S WRITTEN ON THESE CARDS.

24. THEY'VE NEVER SEEN THESE CARDS BEFORE.

25. THEN WE GIVE THEM POINTS. THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

26. IT'S JUST A GAG TO TIE THE SHOW TOGETHER.

27. AND THEN WE PICK A WINNER,

28. AND THE WINNER GETS TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL,

29. AND THE LOSERS HAVE TO TAKE PICTURES.

30. SO LET'S START OUT WITH THE FIRST GAME.

31. IT'S CALLED "SONG TITLES." THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

32. BRAD AND WAYNE, YOU'RE GOING TO START THE SCENE.

33. THIS IS KIND OF LIKE "THE QUESTION GAME,"

34. EXCEPT THEY CAN ONLY SPEAK IN SONG TITLES.

35. IF YOU CAN'T THINK OF A TITLE,

36. OR IF I THINK THE ONE YOU MADE UP IS BULL,

37. THE OTHER PERSON'S GOING TO TAKE YOUR PLACE,

38. AND THEN I'LL GIVE THE POINTS

39. TO WHOEVER'S THE CLEVEREST BOY IN THE ROOM.

40. YOUR SCENE IS, USING SONG TITLES ONLY,

41. YOU ARE AT AN AIRPORT.

42. SONG TITLES ONLY.

43. I'M LEAVING ON A JET PLANE.

44. HELLO? IS IT YOU I'M LOOKING FOR?

45. I'M MEAN MR. MUSTARD.

46. I AM THE WALRUS.

47. THAT'S A LYRIC, NOT A TITLE. SORRY.

48. ANGIE.

49. LADY MADONNA.

50. TAKE ME TO THE PILOT.

51. WHO ARE YOU?

52. BANG, BANG, MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER.

53. WALK THIS WAY.

54. HAIR.

55. TIME IS ON MY SIDE.

56. LOVE IS A MANY-SPLENDORED THING.

57. WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

58. I DON'T KNOW.

59. MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT.

60. MAMA TOLD ME NOT TO COME.

61. MAMA PLAYED BANJO.

62. PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG.

63. KEEP GOING. KEEP GOING.

64. GET HIM.

65. FUNKY TOWN.

66. HA HA HA HA HA!

67. YOU DROPPED A BOMB ON ME.

68. BABY, YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR.

69. WORD UP.

70. WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

71. SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER?

72. BOOGIE-WOOGIE FLU.

73. JOHNNY B. GOODE.

74. YES! GET OUT!

75. GET BACK IN THERE!

76. SHAFT!

77. YES.

78. THERE'S A GROUP CALLED YES, NOT A SONG.

79. DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?

80. DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE?

81. ROUTE 66.

82. AH, OKLAHOMA.

83. THEME FROM "TITANIC."

84. HA HA HA HA!

85. HA HA HA HA HA!

86. WELL, 10 POINTS APIECE. WHO'S CRYING NOW?

87. THEME FROM "TITANIC." THAT WAS FUNNY.

88. NOW WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A GAME CALLED "GANGSTA RAP."

89. THIS IS FOR WAYNE AND BRAD,

90. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL

91. AND LINDA TAYLOR ON GUITAR.

92. WAYNE AND BRAD ARE GOING TO BE TWO GANGSTA RAPPERS.

93. I NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE

94. SOMETHING YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP.

95. WHAT? A BELLY DANCER?

96. ASTRONAUT. ASTRONAUT'S GOOD.

97. SO LET'S SEE THE GANGSTA RAP ABOUT AN ASTRONAUT.

98. OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, WORD, WORD.

99. COMIN' STRAIGHT TO YOU FROM NASA.

100. WHAT'S UP, HOUSTON? HOUSTON IN THE HOUSE!

101. GOT TO WORK TWO JOBS TO PAY MY RENT.

102. HA HA HA HA HA!

103. MY MOM'S GOING TO BE PROUD OF THAT ONE.

104. WELL, HEY, 1,000 POINTS TO YOUR MOM.

105. WHAT THE HELL?

106. POINTS TO YOUR MOTHER.

107. NOW LET'S DO A GAME CALLED "SCENES FROM A HAT."

108. BEFORE THE SHOW, WE ASK OUR AUDIENCE MEMBERS

109. TO FILL OUT SUGGESTIONS OF SCENES THEY'D LIKE TO SEE,

110. AND WE PICK THE BEST ONES,

111. AND WE'RE GOING TO ASK YOU GUYS

112. TO COME UP WITH IDEAS BASED ON THESE SUGGESTIONS.

113. LET'S START OUT WITH, UH...

114. I'M NOT ING TO READ THIS ONE.

115. "BAD CHOICES FOR PETS."

116. HERE, VELOCIRAPTOR!

117. HERE — AAH!

118. WHERE'S MY LITTLE TAPEWORM?

119. HA HA!

120. OKAY, "STRANGE THINGS TO FIND IN YOUR BED."

121. COLIN?

122. AAH!

123. TEACH ME HOW TO SING LIKE YOU!

124. WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?

125. I DON'T KNOW.

126. OH, OKAY.

127. "DANGEROUS THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU ARE NAKED."

128. HONEY, BRING OUT THE STEAKS.

129. I'M GOING TO LIGHT THE BARBECUE.

130. FIVE MINUTES, MR. PRESIDENT.

131. HA HA HA HA HA!

132. OKAY, "BABY NAMES

133. THAT WILL ONE DAY GET YOUR CHILD'S ASS KICKED."

134. OH, IS KICK MY ASS HUNGRY?

135. HA HA HA HA HA!

136. COME HERE, COLIN.

137. OKAY...

138. READ IT!

139. "LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT OUR HOST DREW CAREY."

140. NO, GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD. I'M SORRY.

141. WHAT KIND OF A MIDDLE NAME IS ALLISON?

142. "THINGS YOU WISH YOU HADN'T SAID TO THE PRESIDENT."

143. SURE, I'LL BE YOUR INTERN.

144. CIGARETTE? CIGAR?

145. I DO.

146. HA HA HA HA HA!

147. HEY, DON'T GO AWAY.

148. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

149. RIGHT AFTER THIS.

150. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

151. THANKS FOR SPENDING YOUR TIME WITH US.

152. HEY, TO RECAP THE SCORES,

153. FOR PEOPLE KEEPING TRACK AT HOME —

154. BRAD, WHO KNOWS? WAYNE, WHO CARES?

155. COLIN, I FORGOT. RYAN, MINUS 73.

156. MINUS 73. SOME PEOPLE, THE POINTS DO MATTER.

157. NOW LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS."

158. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

159. BRAD, YOU'RE THE ANCHORMAN OF A NEWS SHOW,

160. AND COLIN, WAYNE, AND RYAN ARE GOING TO HELP YOU OUT.

161. COLIN, YOU'RE THE CO-ANCHOR.

162. YOU HAVE CHOSEN JUST THIS MOMENT

163. TO BECOME A NUDIST.

164. ON SPORTS IS WAYNE.

165. YOU'RE A LATIN POP HEARTTHROB.

166. YEAH?

167. I THINK YOU KNOW —

168. YEAH.

169. HA HA HA HA HA!

170. RYAN, YOU'RE THE WEATHERMAN,

171. AND YOU'RE A MAFIA BOSS

172. WHO REALIZES THE CAMERA IS AN ASSASSIN.

173. YOU'RE A MAFIA BOSS WHO REALIZES...

174. OH, I HEARD YOU.

175. HA HA HA!

176. SO, BRAD, WHENEVER YOU HEAR THE MUSIC,

177. GO AHEAD AND START.

178. GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO THE 4:17 NEWS.

179. I'M CHESTER STEAK KNIFE.

180. TODAY, MONKEYS BROKE OUT OF THE NATIONAL ZOO

181. AND KILLED EVERYONE IN THE NATION.

182. FOR FURTHER STORIES ON THIS,

183. PLEASE WELCOME CARL TURKEY BASTER. CARL?

184. THANK YOU. I WOULD JUST —

185. I'M SORRY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

186. I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS PRETENSE.

187. TOO OFTEN ARE PEOPLE SHACKLED

188. BY THE CONVENTIONS OF CLOTHES.

189. NUDITY IS WHERE IT'S AT, PEOPLE. FEEL FREE.

190. YOU MAY WANT TO PULL BACK THE CAMERA.

191. REMEMBER, WHETHER YOU'RE FROM THERE OR FROM THERE,

192. ALL ACROSS THIS GREAT NATION,

193. BE NUDE!

194. THE 4:17 NUDES!

195. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO BE CALLED FROM NOW ON,

196. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

197. CAREFUL.

198. THANKS, CHESTER.

199. AHEM.

200. AND SPEAKING OF SPORTS,

201. WELL, IT WAS HOT AS ANYTHING, WASN'T IT?

202. LET'S FIND OUT FROM CARLOS BURRITO GRANDE.

203. BIEN.

204. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE SPORTS TODAY.

205. I'M LIVIN' LA VIDA SOCCER.

206. THOSE LADIES, THEY WON,

207. AND AFTERWARDS, THEY GET ME.

208. AH, AH, TOO MUCH SPORT IS MAKING ME CALIENTE.

209. MAYBE THE WHOLE TEAM

210. WOULD LIKE TO COME BACK TO MY TRAILER.

211. BACK TO YOU.

212. I'M TOO BUSY ENJOYING MYSELF.

213. ALLEZ, ALLEZ, ALLEZ, HUH?

214. THESE DAMN SEATS ARE VINYL.

215. HA HA HA HA HA!

216. SPEAKING OF HOT AND STICKY, LET'S GO TO THE WEATHER.

217. FRANKLIN?

218. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BRAD.

219. I'VE ACTUALLY FORGOT MY POINTER TODAY.

220. WOULD YOU MIND?

221. IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND. PLEASE?

222. WE'VE GOT SOME SUN MOVING IN

223. OVER THE WESTERN WASHINGTON AREA,

224. COMING DOWN INTO OREGON OVER THE WEEKEND.

225. UP NEAR THE INLAND PLAINS, WE GOT SOME SUN COMING IN.

226. YOU DIDN'T THINK I SAW YOU THERE?

227. IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

228. WHO SENT YOU?

229. DID NBC SEND YOU?

230. YOU CAN KILL ME,

231. BUT YOUR DAY WILL COME, TOO.

232. WELL...

233. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE.

234. SOME OF US WILL BE SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES.

235. WE HOPE YOU AREN'T. GOOD NIGHT.

236. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

237. JUST FOR THE RECORD, THERE IS NO MAFIA,

238. AND I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE A MILLION POINTS APIECE

239. TO ALL OUR ITALIAN-AMERICAN

240. INDEPENDENT BUSINESSMEN FRIENDS.

241. HA HA HA HA!

242. HA HA!

243. NEXT GAME IS CALLED "3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR."

244. "3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR."

245. WAYNE, RYAN, AND BRAD,

246. WHY DON'T YOU COME ON UP HERE?

247. THEY'RE GOING TO BE A STRANGE 3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR,

248. AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE SINGING A BROADWAY HIT,

249. AND THEY HAVE TO SING IT ONE WORD AT A TIME

250. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR.

251. HOW ABOUT IT? LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR.

252. QUICK, GIVE ME A NAME

253. OF AN UNLIKELY BROADWAY MUSICAL.

254. "GEE, YOU SMELL TERRIFIC."

255. "GEE, YOU SMELL TERRIFIC."

256. AND THE NAME OF THE LOVE SONG FROM THAT MUSICAL?

257. "I LOVE CHEESE."

258. "I LOVE CHEESE."

259. SO THE SONG IS "I LOVE CHEESE"

260. FROM THE HIT BROADWAY MUSICAL "GEE, YOU SMELL TERRIFIC."

261. AND WHEN YOU'RE READY, ONE WORD AT A TIME.

262. HA HA HA!

263. AY, THAT WAS GREAT.

264. WE'RE GOING TO SEE A COMMERCIAL NOW.

265. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

266. WITH MORE OF "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

267. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

268. TONIGHT'S WINNER, WAYNE BRADY.

269. WAYNE BRADY'S THE WINNER.

270. BECAUSE HE'S THE WINNER,

271. HE GETS TO SIT BEHIND THE DESK AND DO WHAT I DO —

272. READ MAGAZINES AND DRINK BEER.

273. AND THE REST OF US HAVE TO DO A HOEDOWN.

274. WHOO! A HOEDOWN! OUR FAVORITE GAME!

275. WHAT I NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE IS A SUGGESTION OF SOMETHING

276. YOU LOOK FORWARD TO ALL YEAR.

277. CHRISTMAS. I HEARD A LOT OF CHRISTMAS.

278. APPARENTLY, CHRISTMAS IS VERY POPULAR.

279. NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS

280. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL ON PIANO.

281. SO, LAURA HALL, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY,

282. LET'S DO THE CHRISTMAS HOEDOWN.

283. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

284. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

285. RIGHT AFTER THIS.

286. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

287. WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW TONIGHT

288. WITH RYAN AND COLIN READING THE CREDITS

289. LIKE TWO GUYS IN A BAR ABOUT TO GET IN A FIGHT.

290. READ THE CREDITS.

291. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

292. I'M TELLING YOU, DAN PATTERSON INVENTED IT.

293. MARK LEVESON HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

294. THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER ISN'T DAN PATTERSON.

295. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU TOM PARK?

296. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT CREDITS?

297. YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU KISS MY DREW CAREY, BUDDY?

298. I'LL KISS YOUR BRAD SHERWOOD.

299. OH, YOU WANT TO GO?

300. COME ON, BRING YOUR MELINDA.

301. OH! I'M SORRY.

302. KEITH WINIKOFF.

303. YOU ALL RIGHT?

304. I'M FINE. I LOVE YOU.

305. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.