1. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY,
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2. AND WELCOME
TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"
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3. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW — CAN I SEE
SOME I.D.? WAYNE BRADY.
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4. LADIES GET IN FOR FREE —
JOSIE LAWRENCE.
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5. SORRY, PAL, THAT WILL BE $20 —
COLIN MOCHRIE.
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6. AND IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF BAR —
RYAN STILES.
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7. I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.
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8. COME ON DOWN.
LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
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9. HELLO!
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10. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
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11. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE
IS IT ANYWAY?",
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12. THE SHOW WHERE
EVERYTHING'S MADE UP
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13. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
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14. THE POINTS ARE JUST LIKE
SOAP IN THE MEN'S ROOM —
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15. DOESN'T MATTER.
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16. HA HA HA HA.
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17. IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
THE SHOW BEFORE,
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18. OUR PERFORMERS ARE GOING
TO MAKE UP EVERYTHING YOU SEE,
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19. AND AFTER EVERY GAME
I GIVE THEM POINTS.
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20. I DON'T KNOW WHY.
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21. POINTS ARE LIKE YOUR SOCIAL
SECURITY MONEY IN 10 YEARS.
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22. THE WINNER GETS TO DO
SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH ME
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23. WHEN WE ANNOUNCE
THE WINNER AT THE END.
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24. SINCE I PICK THE WINNER,
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25. I SAY JOSIE HAS
A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE.
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26. LET'S START OFF WITH A GAME
CALLED "LET'S PICK A DATE."
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27. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR.
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28. JOSIE,
YOU'RE ON A DATING SHOW.
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29. RYAN, COLIN, AND WAYNE
ARE CONTESTANTS.
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30. WE'VE GIVEN THEM
A STRANGE THING TO DO
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31. OR AN IDENTITY
ON THESE CARDS.
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32. YOU'RE GOING TO QUESTION THEM
AND GUESS WHO THEY ARE.
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33. WHENEVER YOU'RE READY,
OFF YOU GO.
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34. HELLO, BACHELORS.
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35. HELLO! HEY!
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36. AS YOU KNOW,
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37. I'M FROM THE NORTH
OF ENGLAND, WHICH IS —
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38. SPEAK UP. STAND UP STRAIGHT.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
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39. AS YOU KNOW,
I'M FROM THE NORTH —
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40. ENUNCIATE. BREATHE.
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41. SNAP!
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42. BACHELOR NUMBER ONE,
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43. WHAT'S THE MOST MACKO THING
YOU'VE EVER DONE?
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44. THE MOST WHAT?
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45. MACHO. SORRY.
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46. IS THAT SLANG? MACHO?
IT'S MACHO.
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47. M-A-C-H-O!
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48. BAM!
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49. OW!
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50. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO,
ARE YOU —
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51. ARE YOU A MANLY MAN?
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52. STOP STUTTERING.
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53. UH...
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54. I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING
LIKE THIS BEFORE.
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55. I HOPE IT FURTHERS
MY CAREER.
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56. BUT PLEASE,
PLEASE BE GENTLE.
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57. BACHELOR NUMBER THREE —
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58. YEAH,
I HEAR YOU, BABY.
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59. TO GO OUT WITH YOU
WOULD BE SO NEAT
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60. 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE KIND
OF GIRL, YOU ARE SO SWEET.
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61. HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
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62. ALL RIGHT, AND BACK
TO BACHELOR NUMBER ONE.
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63. WHAT'S THE STRANGEST DREAM
YOU'VE EVER HAD?
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64. ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?
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65. YES, SIR.
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66. BAM!
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67. NOW, CONJUGATE
WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
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68. DOES CONJUGATE
MEAN CHEW?
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69. THAT'S MASTICATE!
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70. OH.
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71. HA HA. HA HA HA.
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72. HA HA HA.
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73. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO,
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74. NOW DON'T MAKE ME
WORRY ABOUT THIS.
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75. STOP CRYING.
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76. FORGET IT.
BACHELOR NUMBER THREE,
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77. I'M TAKING YOU HOME
TO SEE MY PARENTS.
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78. THEY'RE VERY IMPORTANT
TO ME.
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79. WHAT WOULD YOU DO
TO IMPRESS MY MOTHER?
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80. WELL, WE'D SIT DOWN
WITH YOUR MOTHER,
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81. HAVE SOME BREWSKIS,
MAYBE GO TO WOODSTOCK III,
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82. HEAR SOME LIMP BIZKIT!
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83. RIGHT ON!
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84. GET BACK TO YOUR SEAT!
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85. ALL RIGHT, JOSIE, IF YOU CAN,
GUESS WHO THEY ARE.
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86. HE'S A VERY SADISTIC
TEACHER.
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87. THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH —
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88. STRICT, OVERBEARING
SCHOOLMARM.
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89. HE'S BEEN
ON THE CASTING COUCH.
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90. IT'S HIS FIRST WHAT?
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91. IT'S HIS FIRST... DATE —
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92. PHOTO SHOOT NAKED.
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93. OH, HIS FIRST PORNO SHOOT.
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94. CLOSE ENOUGH.
FIRST EROTIC PHOTO SHOOT.
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95. I'VE NEVER PUT
COLIN AND PORNO SHOOT
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96. IN THE SAME SENTENCE.
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97. THAT'S TOUGH TO DO.
I KNOW. THAT'S A BIG LEAP.
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98. OH, SHUCKS!
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99. HE KNOWS I LOVE HIM.
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100. NUMBER THREE — IS HE, LIKE,
A RAPPER, A BEASTIE BOY?
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101. A COOL DUDE?
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102. DO YOU HAVE
FRATERNITIES IN —
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103. YOU HAVE FRATERNITIES
IN ENGLAND, RIGHT?
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104. HE'S IN A FRATERNITY.
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105. YES.
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106. 1,000 POINTS
AND A BIG SHOUT OUT
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107. TO ALL THE DELTAS
OUT IN LONDON.
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108. CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY.
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109. SHOUT OUT? HMM...
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110. 10 MINUTES INTO THE SHOW.
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111. SHOUT OUT?
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112. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED
"FILM, TV, AND THEATER STYLES."
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113. THIS IS FOR RYAN,
COLIN, AND JOSIE,
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114. AND I'M GOING
TO GET THE AUDIENCE
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115. TO SUGGEST SOME STYLES
OF FILM, TV, AND THEATER,
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116. AND I'M GOING TO MAKE
THOSE GUYS ACT OUT A SCENE
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117. ADAPTING THESE STYLES.
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118. I NEED STYLES OF FILM,
TV, OR TELEVISIO
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119. KUNG FU, SOAP OPERA,
"BLAIR BORING WITCH PROJECT."
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120. "I'M LOST."
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT."
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121. "OH, YEAH, WE'RE LOST."
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122. AND THEN THE BIG
PLOT TWIST — "I'M LOST."
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123. "OH, YEAH?
WE'LL YOU'RE LOST."
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124. ONE MORE. WHAT?
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125. SAMURAI.
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126. SAMURAI, EVANGELIST —
EVANGELIST KIND OF TV.
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127. OKAY. OKAY.
I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR SCENE.
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128. START IT AS NORMAL.
I'LL COME WITH THE STYLES.
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129. COLIN
AND HIS SECRETARY JOSIE,
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130. HARDLY ABLE TO KEEP
THEIR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER —
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131. A LITTLE REQUEST
FROM COLIN —
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132. ARRIVE AT A MOTEL
DESPERATE FOR A ROOM.
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133. RYAN IS
THE SINISTER DESK CLERK.
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134. I'M SO EXCITED,
AREN'T YOU, DARLING?
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135. I — YES.
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136. I CAN'T WAIT
TO GET IN THAT ROOM
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137. AND TAKE DICTATION.
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138. I'M ALREADY —
I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
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139. NOW, DON'T FORGET,
DARLING, WE'RE MARRIED.
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140. MARRIED, YES.
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141. SOAP OPERA.
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142. SON,
THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DESK.
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143. I KNOW, MOTHER, I KNOW!
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144. MAY I HELP YOU?
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145. WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO SHADY DOCKS?
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146. WE WOULD LIKE, UH...
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147. A ROOM!
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148. FOR GOD'S SAKE, BERNICE,
SPIT IT OUT!
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149. ROOM!
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150. KUNG FU.
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151. A ROOM?
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152. TAKE THE CREDIT CARD
FROM MY HAND.
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153. EVANGELIST SHOW.
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154. I CAN
TELL WHY YOU HAVE COME.
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155. YOU'VE COME LOOKING
FOR A ROOM FROM ME.
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156. I'LL PUT YOU IN ROOM 4!
IN ROOM 4!
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157. DING!
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158. I SAID GET UP
AND WALK TO ROOM 4!
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159. GET UP ON YOUR FEET
AND WA TO R—
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160. "BLAIR WITCH."
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161. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
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162. THERE'S SOMETHING
HAPPENING AT THE HOTEL.
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163. THERE'S SOMETHING
HAPPENING HERE,
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164. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT.
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165. I CAN'T POSSIBLY
GIVE THEM A ROOM!
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166. WHO'S HOLDING THE CAMERA?
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167. 10 MILLION POINTS
TO HUGH HEFNER.
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168. I JUST WANT TO GET
INVITED TO THE PARTIES, MAN.
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169. I DON'T CARE ABOUT
ANYBODY ELSE.
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170. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME
CALLED "NEWS FLASH"
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171. FOR RYAN, JOSIE, AND COLIN.
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172. RYAN AND JOSIE,
YOU'RE ANCHORS IN THE STUDIO.
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173. COLIN, YOU'RE OUT
IN THE FIELD
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174. COVERING A BREAKING
NEWS STORY.
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175. WHAT YOU SEE IS COLIN
BEHIND A GREEN SCREEN.
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176. TURN AROUND.
HE CAN ONLY SEE GREEN.
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177. THAT'S ALL HE'S EVER GOING
TO BE ABLE TO SEE.
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178. WHAT WE DO
ON THE TELEVISION SCREEN
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179. FOR YOU GUYS AT HOME —
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180. WE PUT AN IMAGE ON THERE
THAT COLIN CAN'T SEE.
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181. HE HAS TO GUESS
WHAT'S BEHIND HIM.
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182. RYAN AND JOSIE ARE GOING TO
PRETEND TO GIVE HIM HINTS.
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183. RYAN AND JOSIE,
OFF TO YOU IN THE STUDIO.
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184. COFFEE OR SOMETHING
AFTER —
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185. WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM
FOR A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN.
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186. WE NOW GO OUT TO
COLIN MOCHRIE IN THE FIELD.
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187. COLIN, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
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188. I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU
ABOVE THE ROAR
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189. OF WHAT'S HAPPENING
BEHIND ME!
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190. I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
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191. I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS SCARED
IN A LONG TIME.
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192. WHAT EXACTLY IS
THE STAGE OF PLAY NOW, COLIN?
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193. WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO ABOUT IT?
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194. JUST KEEP MOVING
AND HOPE —
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195. HOPE THAT EVERYTHING
DIES DOWN SOON!
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196. COLIN, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE RISKING YOUR SKIN
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197. JUST BEING OUT THERE
RIGHT NOW.
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198. I AM. I AM,
BUT I'M A DEDICATED —
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199. OH!
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200. OH, MY —
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201. STAY —
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202. I ALMOST — IT'S LIKE I DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON,
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203. THERE'S SO MUCH HAPPENING.
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204. JUST TRY AND STAY
VERY, VERY STILL
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205. AND VERY — NO, NO, NO!
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206. DID YOU SEE THAT?
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207. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER
I CAN BE HERE!
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208. I MAY HAVE TO MOVE
TO HIGHER GROUND!
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209. I'D MOVE YOUR ASP
RIGHT NOW!
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210. YEAH, YEP.
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211. YES, QUICKLY.
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212. OH!
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213. QUICKLY, COLIN.
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214. OH! OH!
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215. COLIN, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE THERE FOR A WHILE.
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216. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE
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217. TO CHARM YOUR WAY
OUT OF THIS ONE.
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218. I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS!
I'M SCARED!
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219. HAD IT WITH WHAT?
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220. WOW!
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221. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!
I'M GOING TO SAVE MY ASP!
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222. YEAH, THAT'S IT.
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223. COLIN, DO YOU HAVE
ANY IDEA WHERE YOU ARE?
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224. A SNAKE PIT?
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225. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
RIGHT AFTER THIS.
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226. DON'T GO AWAY.
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227. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE
IS IT ANYWAY?",
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228. THE SHOW WHERE
EVERYTHING'S MADE UP
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229. AND THE POINTS
DON'T MATTER.
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230. AS A SPECIAL THANKS
FOR TUNING IN,
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231. TOMORROW'S LOTTERY NUMBERS
ARE 14, 23, 26, AND 9.
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232. HOPE YOU GOT THAT,
AND GOOD LUCK.
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233. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME
CALLED "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS."
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234. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR.
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235. COLIN, YOU'RE THE ANCHOR
OF A NEWS SHOW.
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236. JOSIE,
YOU'RE THE COANCHOR.
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237. YOUR CHARACTER
IS FROM SHAKESPEARE.
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238. SPORTS IS WAYNE.
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239. WAYNE, YOU'RE ON A TREADMILL
THAT'S GOING OUT OF CONTROL.
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240. RYAN, YOU'RE DOING
THE WEATHER.
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241. YOU'RE A BASEBALL PLAYER
WHO MUST HIT A HOME RUN
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242. TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES
FOR THE CLEVELAND INDIANS.
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243. I THREW THAT LAST PART
IN THERE.
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244. I THREW THE INDIANS PART
IN THERE.
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245. WHENEVER YOU HEAR
THE MUSIC, COLIN, GO AHEAD.
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246. WELCOME TO THE 6:00 NEWS.
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247. I'M YOUR ANCHOR
FRANK LEE DON'T GIVE A DAMN.
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248. A LARGE WOODEN OBJECT
WITH A POINTY END
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249. WAS FOUND SPINNING
IN THE DOWNTOWN CORE.
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250. THAT'S OUR TOP STORY.
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251. AND NOW OVER TO
OUR COANCHOR MINNIE PAUSAL.
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252. MINNIE.
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253. I THANKEST THOU, SIR.
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254. TODAY, A SMALL
BABY GIRAFFE WAS BORN
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255. IN THE LOS ANGELES ZOO,
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256. AND THOUGH HE DIDST
CHIDE LIKE THUNDER,
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257. HIS HEART WAS SMITTEN
WITH HIS HEY, NONNY-NONNY-NO.
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258. IS THIS A NEWSCASTER
I SEE BEFORE ME?
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259. AND NOW LEUS WEND OUR WAY
OFF TO THIS SIDE
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260. FOR THE SPORTS.
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261. THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, MILADY.
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262. WELL, THE BEST THING
ABOUT MOST ATHLETES TODAY
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263. IS THAT ALL OF THEM DO NOT
MIND AT ALL GETTING IN SHAPE,
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264. BECAUSE AFTER ALL,
IT'S WHAT EVERY PERSON
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265. NEEDS TO DO TO KEEP
IN TOP, FIT FORM.
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266. NOW, I'LL BE DESCRIBING
SOMETHING —
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267. OOH!
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268. UM... BACK TO YOU.
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269. THIS JUST IN —
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270. DONORS ARE WANTED FOR MAN
WHOSE BUTTOCKS
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271. ARE BLOWN OFF
IN INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT.
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272. DOCTORS REPORT
NO END IN SIGHT.
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273. AND NOW IT'S TIME
TO GO OVER TO THE WEATHER
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274. WITH OUR WEATHERMAN
DWAYNE DeBATHTUB. DWAYNE.
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275. WE GOT SOME CLOUDS
MOVING IN ON THE WEEKEND —
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276. GOING TO MAKE
FOR A LOT OF MUD.
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277. LATER ON, WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE SOME SUNNY DAYS
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278. COMING OUT FROM THE WEST.
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279. WE'LL GET IN LOTS OF DAYS
OF SUNSHINE.
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280. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE —
WHOOSH! —
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281. ONE DAY OF SUNSHINE.
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282. WE MIGHT EVEN HAVE —
WHOOSH! —
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283. TWO DAYS OF SUNSHINE.
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284. SURE AS HELL
WE AIN'T GOING TO HAVE —
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285. RUN!
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286. RUN!
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287. RUN!
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288. SAFE!
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289. WELL, THAT'S THE 6:00 NEWS.
SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
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290. TILL THEN, GOOD NIGHT
AND GOOD NEWS.
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291. I love you, too.
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292. HEY, THAT WAS GREAT.
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293. 1,000 POINTS TO WAYNE —
FLOPPING AROUND, MAN.
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294. IF I HAD A NICKEL
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295. FOR EVERY TIME I SAW
A GUY DO THAT, HUH?
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296. HA HA HA HA.
THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
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297. I WAS GOING TO SAY
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298. "WHERE NO MAN
HAS GONE BEFORE,"
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299. BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE,
IS IT?
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300. THAT'S HOW I GOT
THE OTHER SHOW, REMEMBER?
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301. THAT'S RIGHT.
1,000 POINTS, EVERYBODY.
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302. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME
CALLED "DUET."
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303. IT'S FOR JOSIE AND WAYNE
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304. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL
AND LINDA TAYLOR.
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305. HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
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306. GOOD. CAN I HAVE
YOUR NAME, PLEASE?
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307. KENNY.
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308. KENNY, WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR A LIVING?
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309. I'M A MACHINIST.
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310. KENNY'S A MACHINIST.
COME ON DOWN HERE, KENNY.
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311. I WANT YOU TO SAY HELLO
TO WAYNE AND JOSIE.
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312. KENNY — HE'S MACHINIST.
HAVE A SEAT.
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313. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
JOSIE AND WAYNE
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314. SING TO YOU
AS PUNK ROCKERS.
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315. OKAY.
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316. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
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317. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"
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318. RIGHT AFTER THIS.
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319. DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS.
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320. WELCOME BACK
TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"
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321. TONIGHT'S WINNER —
WAYNE BRADY.
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322. WAYNE BRADY'S THE WINNER.
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323. WE'RE GOING TO DO A GAME FOR YOU
CALLED "FOREIGN FILM DUB."
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324. JOSIE AND I ARE GOING
TO ACT OUT A SCENE FOR YOU,
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325. AND WE'RE GOING TO PRETEND
TO SPEAK IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.
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326. COLIN'S GOING TO TRANSLATE
FOR JOSIE,
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327. RYAN'S GOING TO TRANSLATE
FOR ME.
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328. WE NEED A FOREIGN LANGUAGE
TO FAKE.
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329. RUSSIAN.
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330. IF YOU WERE
A RUSSIAN FILMMAKER
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331. AND YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE
AN ACTION FILM,
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332. WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED?
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333. "THE VODKA EXPRESS."
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334. OKAY?
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335. THE TRAIN SHOULD
ARRIVE ANY TIME NOW.
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336. NO KIDDING.
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337. SOMEDAY WE'LL HAVE
LIQUID IN THESE GLASSES.
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338. WE HAVE TO WAIT
FOR THE VODKA EXPRESS
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339. TO BRING OUR DAILY
SUPPLY OF VODKA.
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340. WHAT'S SAY
WE BOTH SHAVE?
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341. YOU'RE BEING BUGGED!
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342. I SUSPECT YOU.
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343. HUH?
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344. YOU'RE JEALOUS OF ME
AND MY FANCY DANCE STEPS.
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345. THAT'S JUST
LIKE YOU, LUIGI.
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346. AH...
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347. WUSSTA HUPPA, HUPPA...
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348. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A BETTER "RIVERDANCE"?
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349. HAVE YOU SEEN
MY JUDY GARLAND?
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350. THANKS A LOT.
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351. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"WHOSE LINE" RIGHT AFTER THIS.
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352. WELCOME BACK. WE'RE GOING
TO END THE SHOW
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353. WITH SOMEBODY READING
THE CREDITS.
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354. JOSIE AND WAYNE,
READ THE CREDITS
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355. AS TWO DRUNK GIRLS
AT A PARTY
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356. TALKING ABOUT WHAT THE BOYS
HAVE SAID TO THEM.
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357. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
THANKS FOR WATCHING.
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358. DAN PATTERSON SAID
HE LOVED ME.
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359. MARK LEVESON SAID
HE LOVED ME AS WELL.
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360. DENISE O'DONOGHUE
HAS TAKEN MARK LEVESON
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361. AND ASKED IF I WAS
SEEING TOM PARK.
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362. SO DID DANNY BREEN.
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363. DREW CAREY
AND JOSIE LAWRENCE —
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364. OH, I LOVE DREW CAREY!
AND STEVE BLUM —
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365. I LOVE THE WAY
IT ROLLS OFF THE TONGUE!
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366. I HATE ALISON, BUT —
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367. KRISTAN TOOK
KENNETH OFF ME!
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368. LOOK AT THEM!
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369. GEORGE HARVEY,
WHERE ARE YOU?
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370. I'M GOING TO BE S—
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371. DON'T LOOK.
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372. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.
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