Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x2

Directed by

Keegan-Michael Key as Self

Olympic figure skater Tara Lipinski; comic Keegan-Michael Key.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

2. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW —

3. HE'S CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS — BRAD SHERWOOD.

4. HE STAYS CRUNCHY EVEN IN MILK — WAYNE BRADY.

5. HE'S MAGICALLY DELICIOUS — COLIN MOCHRIE.

6. HE'S GOT TWO SCOOPS OF RAISINS IN HIS PANTS — RYAN STILES.

7. I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY. COME ON DOWN.

8. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

9. OH, HELLO. GOOD EVENING.

10. HELLO, EVERYBODY.

11. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",

12. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

13. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

14. IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW, WHAT HAPPENS IS

15. THESE PERFORMERS ARE GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING UP

16. BASED ON SUGGESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE

17. AND WHAT'S WRITTEN ON THESE CARDS.

18. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE,

19. AND EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE MADE UP.

20. I GIVE THEM POINTS. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

21. IT'S JUST A GAG TO TIE THE SHOW TOGETHER.

22. IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

23. IT'S LIKE THE WARNING ON A PACK OF CIGARETTES.

24. THE WINNER GETS TO DO

25. A LITTLE SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH ME.

26. WE TAKE THAT SPECIAL SOMETHING AND SELL IT

27. ON THE INTERNET

28. IF YOU'RE OVER 18 WITH A CREDIT CARD.

29. OUR FIRST GAME IS CALLED "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS."

30. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

31. BRAD, YOU'RE THE ANCHORMAN OF A SHOW.

32. EVERYBODY ELSE IS GOING TO HELP YOU OUT.

33. COLIN, YOU'RE THE CO-ANCHOR.

34. YOU'RE A 1920s GANGSTER

35. UNDER FIRE IN A GETAWAY CAR.

36. WAYNE, YOU'RE DOING SPORTS.

37. YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THE CAMERA OPERATOR.

38. BOY, IT'S GOING TO BE SO HARD TO DECIDE.

39. THEY'RE ALL SO GOOD-LOOKING,

40. BUT YOU KNOW... GOOD LUCK.

41. RYAN, YOU'RE DOING THE WEATHER.

42. YOU'RE TRYING TO KEEP A LEAKING DAM FROM BURSTING,

43. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

44. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

45. BRAD, WHENEVER YOU HEAR THE MUSIC,

46. GO AHEAD AND START THE NEWS.

47. GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO THE 6:00 NEWS.

48. I'M CLYDE STRUDELPANTS.

49. WELL, THE HEAT WAVE IN ANTARCTICA CONTINUES,

50. AND PEOPLE ARE SHAVING PENGUINS LEFT AND RIGHT.

51. WE DON'T KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO STOP,

52. BUT NOW THIS STORY HAS STOPPED,

53. AND I MUST PASS OVER THE NEWS DESK

54. TO MY GOOD FRIEND DESMOND PETTIBONE III.

55. I AIN'T SAYIN' NOTHIN', SEE?

56. NOTHIN' AT ALL. GET 'EM. THE COPS!

57. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME, YOU LOUSY COPPERS!

58. HA HA HA HA.

59. BACK TO YOU, YOU DIRTY, LOUSY PUNK.

60. THANK YOU FOR THAT SCINTILLATING REPORT.

61. IT'S BEEN AN EXCITING DAY IN SPORTS.

62. LET'S FIND OUT ALL THE SCORES WITH HARDWOOD PANELING.

63. HARDWOOD?

64. FOLKS, IT'S BEEN A GREAT DAY IN SPORTS,

65. AND IF I SAY SO, I LOOK GREAT MYSELF

66. BECAUSE SOMEONE KNOWS MY GOOD SIDE.

67. SO, THE RAIDERS ARE IN THE NEWS —

68. No, I can't. I'm doing sports.

69. I'm doing sports.

70. Who are you looking at?

71. YOU KEEP THAT CAMERA ON ME.

72. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU GET THIS RIGHT.

73. YOU LOVE ME, I LOVE YOU.

74. OH, REALLY?

75. I COULD GO OUT AND FIND MYSELF A HAND-HELD CAMERA OPERATOR.

76. I DON'T NEED YOU.

77. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT?

78. I'VE BEEN DOING THE SPORTS FORECAST

79. FOR 15 YEARS.

80. I'M THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.

81. YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WERE BEFORE YOU MET ME?

82. YOU WERE DOING LITTLE INFOMERCIALS

83. ON SANTA MONICA BEACH

84. WITH A FAT DUDE WEARING BLUBLOCKERS!

85. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

86. DON'T HIDE FROM —

87. THIS JUST IN —

88. TOMORROW WE WILL HAVE A NEW SPORTSCASTER.

89. AND NOW I THINK WE BETTER FIND OUT

90. WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WEATHER,

91. SO LET'S CHECK THE WEATHER DESK

92. WITH HARRY SHOWERDRAIN. HARRY.

93. HELLO!

94. WELCOME AND A HIDEY-HO AND A HIDEY-HI-HO TO YOU.

95. HELLO TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE IN POMONA.

96. SORRY YOU HAVE TO LIVE THERE.

97. WE'VE GOT SOME BEAUTIFUL WEATHER IN STORE FOR THE WEEKEND.

98. WE'VE GOT SUN POPPING UP ALL OVER THE PLACE,

99. AS YOU CAN — OH. OH, MY.

100. BUT THE SUN WILL KEEP GOING TILL THE END OF THE WEEK AND —

101. OH, THERE WE GO.

102. SUN, SUN, SUN — ALL THROUGH THE WEE—

103. OH, NO. SHE'S GONNA BLOW!

104. SHE'S GONNA BLOW!

105. AAH!

106. THIS JUST IN —

107. TOMORROW WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER WEATHERMAN AS WELL.

108. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR THE 6:00 NEWS.

109. GOOD NIGHT.

110. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

111. HEY, 1,000 UNION POINTS TO LARRY THE CAMERA OPERATOR.

112. I NEVER SAW THE GUY MOVE LIKE THAT.

113. MAN.

114. I NEVER SAW A UNION GUY MOVE SO FAST.

115. HA HA HA HA. MAN.

116. IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE CALLED LUNCH OR SOMETHING.

117. HA HA HA HA.

118. THAT'S LUNCH.

119. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "DUET"

120. FOR BRAD AND WAYNE.

121. BRAD AND WAYNE, WITH LAURA HALL ON PIANO,

122. LINDA TAYLOR ON GUITAR.

123. AND LET ME COME OVER THERE.

124. YOU, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

125. MICHELLE.

126. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, MICHELLE?

127. I'M A WRITER/MOM.

128. A WRITER/MOM.

129. COME ON DOWN HERE.

130. HOW ABOUT A VERY BIG HAND FOR MICHELLE?

131. COME DOWN, SAY HI TO WAYNE AND BRAD.

132. MICHELLE IS A WRITER/MOM.

133. SHE'S A MOM WHO LIKES TO WRITE,

134. AND HER NAME IS MICHELLE.

135. YOU'RE GOING TO SING A SONG TO HER LIKE THE GIPSY KINGS.

136. IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE GIPSY KINGS,

137. IT'S KIND OF LIKE SPANISH GYPSY MUSIC.

138. LET'S GO SING A GIPSY KINGS-TYPE SONG

139. TO MICHELLE, WHO'S A MOM AND A WRITER.

140. AAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

141. YEE!

142. GO AHEAD. LET'S HAVE A SEAT.

143. THANK YOU, MICHELLE.

144. I WISH MY MOM HAD BEEN A WRITER.

145. AND I'LL GIVE YOU 10 —

146. 9,000 POINTS.

147. WELL, 1,000 POINTS FOR TAXES.

148. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "NEWSFLASH."

149. THIS IS FOR BRAD, RYAN, AND COLIN.

150. RYAN AND BRAD ARE ANCHORS, COLIN IS A FIELD REPORTER.

151. HE'S IN FRONT OF A SCREEN. WE CALL IT A GREEN SCREEN.

152. TURN AROUND AND LOOK.

153. HE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING ON THERE.

154. IT'S JUST GREEN TO HIM.

155. WE CAN PUT AN IMAGE ON THIS THAT YOU CAN SEE.

156. ALL HE'LL SEE IS GREEN.

157. HE HAS TO GUESS WHAT'S GOING ON

158. BASED ON HINTS BRAD AND RYAN WILL GIVE HIM.

159. OFF TO RYAN AND BRAD.

160. SO THE ELEPHANT SAYS, "YOU SHOULD SEE THE MONKEY."

161. HA HA HA HA.

162. WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN.

163. THAT'S RIGHT.

164. WE HAVE COLIN MOCHRIE OUT IN THE FIELD

165. AT THE SITE OF VERY IMPORTANT GOINGS-ON.

166. COLIN, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL US

167. WHAT IS GOING ON?

168. WELL, UH,

169. AS THEY SAY, A PICTURE IS WORTH 1,000 WORDS,

170. AND THIS HAS TO BE WORTH AT LEAST A MILLION.

171. COLIN, ARE YOU TAKING ANY SORT

172. OF SAFETY PRECAUTIONS?

173. YES, I PAINTED ALL MY UNDERSHIRTS

174. WITH LEAD PAINT.

175. THAT MAY OFFER ME A LITTLE BIT OF PROTECTION.

176. YOU SEEM TO BE IN OVER YOUR HEAD, COLIN.

177. I THINK YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT.

178. THANKS FOR THE ADVICE, BRAD. I WILL CERTAINLY WATCH —

179. DID YOU SEE THAT?

180. I'M SORRY.

181. IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME TO REMAIN PROFESSIONAL.

182. COLIN, I'M FEARING

183. FOR THE CAMERAMAN'S LIFE. IS GIL OKAY?

184. WHO THE HELL CARES?

185. I'M THE ON-CAMERA TALENT.

186. I THINK HE'LL BE FINE. HE'S UNION.

187. WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOU, BUT IS THERE ANY TYPE

188. OF DEBATE GOING ON THERE?

189. I DON'T THINK SO.

190. THERE WAS DEBATE EARLIER,

191. SOMETHING ABOUT AN ELEPHANT-AND-MONKEY JOKE,

192. BUT NOW IT SEEMS TO HAVE JUST STOPPED.

193. COLIN, IT LOOKS LIKE THINGS

194. COULD BE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.

195. HAS ANYBODY CALLED THE CARPS?

196. NO, NOT AT ALL.

197. I TELL YOU —

198. I HOPE THIS IS COVERED BY MY INSURANCE.

199. I THINK IT'S AN ACT OF COD...

200. MAYBE.

201. OH!

202. EARLIER, COLIN —

203. OKAY, COLIN,

204. CAN YOU GUESS WHERE YOU ARE?

205. I'M UNDERWATER WITH VICIOUS FISH,

206. SHARKS, MAYBE.

207. OKAY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

208. WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" AFTER THIS.

209. STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

210. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",

211. WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP AND POINTS DON'T MATTER.

212. IT'S LIKE THE TALENT PORTION OF A BEAUTY CONTEST.

213. HA HA HA HA.

214. WHO CARES?

215. NOW LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED "PARTY QUIRKS."

216. BRAD, YOU'RE GOING TO BE HOSTING A PARTY.

217. WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE SO YOU CAN'T SEE THE CARDS?

218. YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHAT'S ON THE CARDS.

219. WAYNE, COLIN, AND RYAN ARE GUESTS OF THE PARTY.

220. WE'VE GIVEN THEM EACH A STRANGE IDENTITY.

221. BRAD HAS TO GUESS WHAT THEY ARE.

222. I'LL BRING THEM IN WITH THE DOORBELL.

223. BRAD, START THE PARTY.

224. SOMEONE SCRATCHED MY ABBA ALBUMS!

225. WELCOME TO THE PARTY.

226. HEY, DUDE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

227. HEY.

228. MAN.

229. THIS IS SOME SPREAD YOU HAVE.

230. HEY, SOME PARTY YOU GOT HERE.

231. HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING, BRAD? WHAT'S UP?

232. HEY, NICE SPREAD YOU GOT HERE, MAN.

233. HELLO.

234. HI, HERE'S YOUR DRINK. HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

235. OH, THANKS.

236. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME NUTS?

237. I HAVE PLENTY OF NUTS HERE ON THE TRAY.

238. TAKE A LOAD OFF. RELAX.

239. ENJOY SOME SNACKS.

240. ALL RIGHT.

241. HI.

242. WELCOME TO THE PARTY.

243. WELCOME TO THE PARTY.

244. WHOO-HOO.

245. HAVE YOU MET SHIELDS AND YARNELL?

246. GET AWAY, GET AWAY.

247. HELLO.

248. GET AWAY, GET AWAY, GET AWAY.

249. GET OFF ME.

250. STOP RINGING MY DOORBELL!

251. YOU NEED SOME HELP.

252. YOU NEED SOME — YOU NEED SOME —

253. MAN —

254. I'M GOING TO BRAD'S HOUSE FOR A PARTY.

255. ARE YOU RERUN FROM "WHAT'S HAPPENING?"

256. NO.

257. HE'S A RERUN SOMETHING.

258. HE KEEPS REWINDING BACK AND FORTH.

259. WHOA-HO.

260. LOOK, YOU SHOULDN'T SERVE DRINKS HERE

261. WHEN THERE ARE ALL THOSE THIRSTY PEOPLE

262. ON THE TITANIC.

263. THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH.

264. SORRY.

265. GOOD BOY, GOOD BOY.

266. I FORGOT TO PUT A TAG ON HIM.

267. COME ON. THAT'S A GOOD BOY.

268. THAT'S A GOOD BOY. THAT'S —

269. WHAT DID YOU DO ON THE FLOOR?

270. WHAT DID YOU DO? COME HERE.

271. WHAT DID YOU DO?

272. BAD BOY, BAD BOY.

273. AAH!

274. OH, OH, OH.

275. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HE'S A DOG.

276. WAS ANYBODY ELSE TURNED ON

277. BY THE THOUGHT OF BRAD SHERWOOD

278. GRABBING YOU BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK

279. AND YELLING, "BAD BOY! BAD BOY!"?

280. DREW, DREW, WAKE UP.

281. SORRY. TALKING IN MY SLEEP.

282. EXCUSE ME.

283. YOU ALWAYS TALK IN YOUR SLEEP.

284. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "SCENES FROM A HAT."

285. THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY.

286. I HAVE A LITTLE HAT HERE.

287. WE ASK THE AUDIENCE TO WRITE SOME SUGGESTIONS,

288. TAKE SOME OF THESE SUGGESTIONS,

289. AND PUT THEM IN A HAT.

290. AND I'M GOING TO READ THEM OUT

291. AND SEE HOW MANY THEY CAN PERFORM.

292. LET'S START WITH...

293. "REJECTED THEME SONGS" — OH, JEEZ.

294. "REJECTED THEME SONGS FROM THE MOVIE 'TITANIC.'"

295. HA HA HA HA.

296. "PRESIDENTIAL SLOGANS

297. THAT WILL NOT GET YOU ELECTED."

298. I LOVE BOOTY.

299. I DO. THANK YOU.

300. I GOT THIS TATTOO IN DA NANG.

301. I STAND TODAY AT THIS PODIUM — OHH.

302. I'M JESSE JACKSON.

303. OKAY, UH,

304. "LOSING SCIENCE FAIR PROJECTS."

305. DUMB PEOPLE SAY THAT RODENTS AREN'T FLAMMABLE.

306. WELL —

307. ALL RIGHT.

308. "CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENTS DOOMED TO FAIL."

309. I'M BETTE DAVIS FOR ANTI-AGING CREAM.

310. I'M MIKE TYSON FOR ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA.

311. I FORGOT WHAT THE HELL I WAS SELLING.

312. HI, I'M COLIN MOCHRIE FOR ROGAINE.

313. OKAY.

314. "DRILL SERGEANT PICKUP LINES."

315. "DRILL SERGEANT PICKUP LINES."

316. BOY, YOU EVER TOUCHED A RIFLE?

317. NO.

318. WANT TO?

319. I JUST WANT TO STAND HERE

320. AND STARE AT MY PRIVATES.

321. WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

322. DON'T GO AWAY.

323. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

324. TONIGHT'S WINNER — WAYNE BRADY.

325. WAYNE BRADY'S GOING TO BE THE WINNER.

326. BECAUSE WAYNE IS THE WINNER, THE REST OF US ARE GOING

327. TO BE PUNISHED BY HAVING TO DO OUR FAVORITE GAME —

328. "HOEDOWN." YEAH!

329. WHOO!

330. SO WHAT WE NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE

331. IS A SUGGESTION OF SOMETHING YOU THINK IS A VICE.

332. DRINKING.

333. WE'LL DO THE DRINKING HOEDOWN.

334. SO WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, THE DRINKING HOEDOWN.

335. LAURA HALL ON THE PIANO IS GOING TO TAKE US AWAY.

336. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

337. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

338. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

339. TONIGHT, TO READ THE CREDITS IS BRAD AND RYAN.

340. YOU'RE GOING TO READ THE CREDITS

341. AS DEEP-SOUTH HOG CALLERS CALLING IN YOUR PIGS.

342. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY, AND THANKS FOR WATCHING.

343. MARK LEVESON!

344. DREW CAREY!

345. CAREY! CAREY!

346. WHOO! BRUCE GOWER!

347. KIERAN HEALY!

348. OH, STEVEN BLUM!

349. LIONEL PASAMONTE!

350. STACY GALE!

351. DELIA FRANKEL! HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

352. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC.

353. AND WARNER BROS. INC.