Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x19

Directed by

Jeff Bryan Davis as Self

Guest comic Jeff Davis.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

2. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW, PLEASE DON'T SQUEEZE THE GREG PROOPS.

3. THAT'S FUNNY, HE NEVER HAS A SECOND CUP — WAYNE BRADY.

4. YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT — COLIN MOCHRIE.

5. AND MY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME, IT'S RYAN STILES.

6. I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.

7. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

8. HELLO.

9. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",

10. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

11. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

12. JUST LIKE UNION SOLIDARITY TO A MAJOR LEAGUE UMPIRE,

13. THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

14. IF YOU NEVER SAW THE SHOW BEFORE,

15. THESE GUYS ARE GOING TO CWN,

16. I DON'T KNOW WHY. THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

17. THEY'RE LIKE VOWS AT A CELEBRITY WEDDING.

18. THEY JUST DON'T MATTER.

19. THEN WE ANNOUNCE THE WINNER.

20. THE WINNER GETS TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL,

21. AND THE LOSER HAS TO SHAVE THE CAT.

22. SO I WOULDN'T BE THAT GOOD IF I WAS YOU.

23. LET'S GET THE SHOW STARTED

24. WITH A GAME CALLED WEIRD NEWSCASTERS.

25. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

26. GREG, YOU'RE THE ANCHOR OF A NEWS PROGRAM.

27. EVERYBODY ELSE IS GOING TO HELP YOU OUT.

28. COLIN, YOU'RE THE CO-ANCHOR.

29. YOU'RE TOO OPEN ABOUT PERSONAL PROBLEMS.

30. IT SAYS HERE, "YOU'RE TOO OPEN ABOUT PERSONAL PROBLEMS."

31. ISN'T THAT A COINCIDENCE?

32. WAYNE, YOU'RE GOING TO BE DOING THE SPORTS.

33. YOU ARE AN OVERZEALOUS WOMAN AT A CHURCH REVIVAL MEETING.

34. AND, RYAN, YOU'RE DOING THE WEATHER.

35. YOU'RE AN AGGRESSIVE BARFLY

36. BEING REPEATEDLY EJECTED FROM A BAR.

37. SO... YOU'RE ME.

38. WHEN YOU HEAR THE MUSIC, START THE NEWS, GREG.

39. GOOD EVENING. I'M ALARMINGLY HUGE...

40. AND THIS IS THE ACTION NEWS.

41. NATIONWIDE, LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS

42. HONORED THE LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT

43. WITH A CONGENIALITY AWARD.

44. AND ARIZONA CHANGES ITS STATE MOTTO

45. TO "DAMN, IT'S HOT."

46. COLIN.

47. YOU KNOW, RECENTLY, I'VE GAINED 5 POUNDS.

48. DO YOU THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'M A CANNIBAL?

49. I DON'T — OH, THE BOIL.

50. OH.

51. SPEAKING OF ROUND OBJECTS, LET'S THROW IT OVER TO WAYNE

52. AT THE SPORTS DESK. WAYNE.

53. WHOO! SPORTS —

54. YOU BETTER PLAY SOME SPORTS.

55. LOOK AT —

56. THAT'S RIGHT, LIKE IT SAYS,

57. 1 EPHESIANS, JOHN 18 THROUGH ZEDEKIAH 29 —

58. "HE WHO RUNS THE BALL CATCHES THE BALL,

59. IT'S GOOD. AMEN. TOUCHDOWN!" YES!

60. THAT'S WHAT I SAID. THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

61. COME AND GET IT. COME AND GET IT. WHOO!

62. HOW COME YOU NEVER CALL ANYMORE?

63. BECAUSE YOU'RE THE DEVIL.

64. WHOO! YEAH!

65. COLIN, TIME TO THROW IT OVER TO THE WEATHER DESK

66. BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A BIG HOLIDAY WEEKEND COMING UP.

67. WHAT'S ON STORE, RYAN?

68. THANK YOU, GREG.

69. LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THE WEATHER ON THE WEEKEND.

70. IT'S GOING TO BE AWFUL.

71. IT'S GOING TO BE RAINING ALL WEEKEND,

72. BUT I COULD MAKE IT SUNNY FOR ONE MORE DRINK.

73. I'M JUST ASKING FOR ONE MORE DRINK.

74. THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING FOR.

75. WE GOT CLOUDS ROLLING IN ON SUNDAY.

76. I CAN'T SMOKE IN HERE, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

77. I CAN'T — I HOPE I HAVE THE RIGHT SUGGESTION.

78. I'VE TOTALLY FORGOTTEN.

79. HEY, LET GO OF ME!

80. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

81. HEY! THERE'S A BOARD THERE.

82. HEY, WHAT THE —

83. HEY, I CAN'T —

84. HEY, WHY DON'T YOU —

85. OH, I'M GOING TO FAINT NOW.

86. I CAN'T REMEMBER MY — HA HA HA.

87. OH, YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT, ARE YOU?

88. OH, YOU'RE KICKG ME OUT, ARE YOU?

89. WHY, YOU — OH, YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT, ARE YOU?

90. I'M NOT LEAVING THAT EASY.

91. OH, I'M NOT GOING THAT —

92. OH, OKAY.

93. HEY, ARE YOU REPEATEDLY KICKING ME OUT OF HERE?

94. OH, I'LL BE BACK. OH, YEAH!

95. TAXI!

96. WELL, THANK YOU FOR THAT REPORT, RYAN.

97. WELL, I GUESS WE'LL 86 THE CLOUDS

98. AND ASK FOR SOME SUNSHINE, EH, COLIN?

99. JUST ASK! WHOO!

100. AND, UH...

101. SUNSHINE MAKES ME BREAK OUT IN BLISTERS.

102. BIG ONES, LIKE ABOUT THIS —

103. ENOUGH! THAT'S —

104. OH, I'LL GET THAT KID. I SEE HIM.

105. GOOD NIGHT.

106. I'LL GIVE 1,000 POINTS TO THAT QUICK-HITTED —

107. QUICK-THINKING STAGEHAND

108. THAT RAN ACROSS TO HELP RYAN OUT.

109. WHO WAS IT? WASN'T IT DREW?

110. HAVE A LITTLE OF THIS.

111. HOW COME DREW CAN'T READ THE CARDS?

112. LET'S GO TO A GAME CALLED QUESTIONABLE IMPRESSIONS

113. FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

114. I LO THIS GAME — QUESTIONABLE IMPRESSIONS.

115. GREG AND WAYNE, YOU'RE TO START A SCENE,

116. BUT IN ADDITION TO SPEAKING ONLY IN QUESTIONS,

117. THEY MUST ALSO DO A DIFFERENT IMPRESSION

118. EVERY TIME THEY COME ON,

119. EVEN IF THEY CAN'T DO IMPRESSIONS, REALLY.

120. WHAT I NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE

121. IS A PLACE WHERE THERE'S A SENSE OF URGENCY.

122. BUS STOP!

123. THERE COULD BE A SENSE OF URGENCY AT A BUS STOP.

124. IF YOU FAIL TO ASK A QUESTION

125. OR THE IMPRESSION IS BAD, I'LL BUZZ THEM OUT

126. AND THE NEXT PERSON CAN TAKE THEIR PLACE.

127. GET READY ON THAT BUTTON.

128. WHENEVER YOU'RE READY,

129. YOU'RE AT A BUS STOP — QUESTIONABLE IMPRESSIONS.

130. HEY, HEY, WHERE'S THE BUS TODAY?

131. HOLD ON A MINUTE!

132. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME THE BUS STOPS, BUSTER?

133. WHY'D YOU SPIT ON ME?

134. WHAT'S THE MATTER? CAN'T STAND A LITTLE SPIT?

135. WAHOO! WAHOO! WAHOO!

136. WAHOO! WAHOO! WAHOO!

137. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

138. THE QUESTION IS — WHO ARE YOU?

139. I'M FAT ALBERT.

140. TRYING TO SNEAK UP BEHIND ME, EH?

141. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE

142. AN EXTRA TRANSFER I COULD BORROW, WOULD YOU?

143. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, LADY, A DRIVER?

144. I'M A DUCK.

145. DOES IT FEEL LIKE IT'S STARTING TO RAIN TO YOU?

146. HA HA HA.

147. WHERE'S THE BUS?

148. AREN'T YOU THE BUS DRIVER?

149. WHY WOULD I BE DRIVING A BUS, YO?

150. THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING A BUS DRIVER'S OUTFIT?

151. HA HA HA.

152. WAITING, YOU ARE?

153. AREN'T YOU THE CUTEST LITTLE THING I'VE EVER SEEN?

154. TEACH YOU? WILL Y LIKE TO LEARN?

155. OH, GOD.

156. OH, YOU WAIT FOR BUS, TOO?

157. YOU — YOU — YOU —

158. FROM — FROM —

159. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

160. THAT WAS A GREAT JAR JAR BINKS.

161. WE'LL BE DONATING 10,000 POINTS

162. IN WAYNE BRADY'S NAME TO THE NAACP.

163. THAT'S RIGHT, MAN. IT'S TIME TO —

164. I MAKE MY PEOPLE PROUD.

165. IT'S TIME WE MADE A STAND.

166. LET'S GO TO SCENES FROM A HAT FOR ALL OF YOU.

167. GREG, WAYNE, GO TO ONE SPOT.

168. RYAN, COLIN, THE OTHER.

169. WE ASKED THE AUDIENCE TO WRITE DOWN DIFFERENT SCENES

170. THEY'D LIKE TO SEE ACTED OUT, PUT THEM IN THIS HAT.

171. I'M GOING TO READ THEM AND SEE HOW MANY

172. THE PERFORMERS CAN ACT OUT.

173. LET'S START WITH...

174. "DISCONCERTING TATTOOS TO FIND ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

175. "JEFFREY LIVES HERE"?

176. WHAT THE —

177. "COME OUT OF THERE, YOU CRAZY RABBIT."

178. WHAT? OH.

179. "THIS SIDE UP."

180. "AM I DOING ALL RIGHT? CALL 555..."

181. "UNLIKELY COWBOY SONGS."

182. UNLIKELY COWBOY SONG.

183. UNLIKELY COWBOY SONG.

184. YEE-HEE!

185. "THE WORST THING TO FIND IN YOUR PARACHUTE PACK."

186. PHEW! BAM!

187. MINIATURE SNICKERS?

188. "WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR PARACHUTE DOESN'T OPEN."

189. ALL RIGHT...

190. "THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO AFTER HEAVY DRINKING."

191. I LOVE YOU.

192. NOW, WHERE'S THIS BOY WE'RE GOING TO CIRCUMCISE?

193. THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

194. THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

195. "QUESTIONS YOU'D LIKE TO ASK A MISS AMERICA CONTESTANT."

196. EXCUSE ME. CAN I GET SOME OF THAT?

197. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

198. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

199. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

200. EVERYTHING'S MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

201. "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" —

202. THE SHOW HILLARY CLINTON WANTS TO HOST,

203. EVEN THOUGH SHE'S NEVER SEEN IT.

204. NOW LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED WHOSE LINE?

205. A GAME CALLED WHOSE LINE? HERE ON "WHOSE LINE?"

206. IT'S FOR COLIN AND RYAN, AND IN THIS GAME,

207. WE ASKED OUR AUDIENCE TO WRITE DOWN RANDOM LINES.

208. HERE'S RYAN'S AND HERE'S COLIN'S.

209. PUT THOSE IN YOUR POCKET.

210. WE PUT THEM IN ENVELOPES,

211. THEY'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE

212. AND HAVE TO USE THESE LINES DURING THE SCENE.

213. YOU'RE GOING TO BE ACTING OUT A SCENE FROM "BRAVEHEART" —

214. THE NIGHT BEFORE THE CRUCIAL BATTLE WITH THE ENGLISH,

215. WILLIAM WALLACE, WHO IS COLIN, AND HIS FELLOW WARRIOR RYAN

216. REALIZE THAT THEY'RE VASTLY OUTNUMBERED.

217. WE'RE VASTLY OUTNUMBERED!

218. ACH, THAT DIDN'T SEEM TO DISSUADE THEM.

219. I'M A BIT WORRIED.

220. I KNOW I TOOK THE OATH OF THE WHATEVER-WE-ARES.

221. UNFORTUNATELY, I'M DUTCH.

222. AND WE DUTCH HAVE A SAYING BACK IN HOLLAND,

223. AND THAT SAYING IS —

224. "I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN."

225. WE GOT TO COME UP WITH A PLAN,

226. OR OUR HEADS WILL BE CUT OFF AND PUT ON A PIKE,

227. AND THEY'LL RIDE THROUGH AND GO,

228. "LOOK, I GOT A HEAD ON A PIKE,"

229. AND I CAN'T HAVE THAT.

230. THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE YOUR FREEDOM, AND YOU KNOW IT.

231. THEY CANNOT TAKE MY FREEDOM,

232. BUT THEY CAN TAKE MY HAGGIS

233. BECAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE IT MUCH EVER, NEVER, NEVER!

234. I'M GOING TO STAND OVER HERE, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

235. I'M STARTING TO REMEMBER WHAT MY FATHER TOLD ME.

236. YOUR DEAR OLD DADDY.

237. DO I SOUND LIKE A PIRATE?

238. AYE, YOU DO.

239. I'LL SING THE ADVICE MY FATHER GAVE ME.

240. "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR."

241. OH, YEAH.

242. THAT SEEMED AWFUL APPROPRIATE, DIDN'T IT?

243. MY FATHER — HE WORE THAT KILT, YOU KNOW.

244. I KEPT THINKING, "HE LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN."

245. YOU'RE A WOMAN IS WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?

246. NO, COCK-A-DOODLE, LOOK!

247. ACH, I AM A WOMAN!

248. YOU ARE A WOMAN.

249. HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED?

250. NO. I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY SHOUTING.

251. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A WOMAN.

252. MY MOTHER WAS THE GREATEST WOMAN AT EVER LIVED.

253. SHE'D WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING.

254. SHE SAID, "WEE, CHARLIE."

255. YOU'RE IRISH NOW.

256. YES.

257. WE MOVED A LOT WHEN I WAS A CHILD.

258. MY FATHER WAS A MILITARY MAN.

259. SHE'D SAY, "AYE, BOY, GET UP. IT'S A NEW DAY AND...

260. 'MY FRIENDS ALL CALL ME MR. TUGGY.'"

261. SHE WAS A BIT OFF AT THAT TIME.

262. AYE, I GUESS SO. LOOK, I GOT A PLAN.

263. AYE.

264. THE TWO OF US...

265. ONE AND TWO, AYE, RIGHT.

266. AND 10,000 OF THEM.

267. RIGHT.

268. SO WE'LL CONFUSE THEM.

269. YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB ON ME.

270. WE'LL RUN STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM

271. SHOUTING OUR BATTLE CRY,

272. AND THEY'LL BE SO AFEARD, WITH THEIR EYES A-BLAZING

273. AND THEIR LEGS A-PUMPING, THEY'LL RUN FOR COVER.

274. AYE, SUDDENLY, I'VE FORGOTTEN THE CRY.

275. HOW CAN YOU FORGET THE CRY?

276. "I SEE PARIS, I SEE FRANCE, I SEE SOMEONE'S UNDERPANTS."

277. I SEE PARIS.

278. I SEE FRANCE.

279. THAT WILL BE 1,000 POINTS AND AN APOLOGY

280. TO EVERYBODY FROM SCOTLAND.

281. I'M A MASTER OF DIALECTS.

282. IMPRESSIONS, DIALECTS — YOU GUYS DO IT ALL.

283. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED 3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR.

284. THIS IS FOR WAYNE, RYAN, AND COLIN.

285. THEY'RE GOING TO BE HELPED BY LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR.

286. WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO

287. IS THEY'RE GOING TO PRETEND TO BE

288. A STRANGE 3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR.

289. THEY HAVE TO MAKE UP A BROADWAY SONG

290. ONE WORD AT A TIME.

291. WHAT WE NE IS THE NAME OF AN UNLIKELY BROADWAY MUSICAL.

292. TRASHMAN.

293. TRASHMAN. "TRASHMAN — THE BROADWAY MUSICAL."

294. AND WHAT WOULD BE THE NAME OF THE HIT LOVE SONG

295. FROM "TRASHMAN — THE MUSICAL"?

296. THEY THREW IT AWAY.

297. "THEY THREW IT AWAY."

298. THE HIT LOVE SONG FROM "TRASHMAN — THE MUSICAL."

299. GO AHEAD. ONE WORD AT A TIME.

300. WEL BE RIGHT BACK AND FIND OUT WHO THE WNER IS.

301. DON'T GO AWAY.

302. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

303. THE WINNER TONIGHT — WAYNE BRADY.

304. WAYNE BRADY IS THE BIG WINNER.

305. WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, SINCE WE LOST,

306. WE'RE GOING TO DO A HOEDOWN FOR YOU

307. WITH LAURA HALL ON PIANO.

308. WE NEED A SUGGESTION OF A STAGE OF LIFE

309. THAT CAUSES YOU ANXIETY.

310. LET'S DO THE PUBERTY HOEDOWN.

311. LAURA HALL, WHEN YOU'RE READY, TAKE IT AWAY.

312. I'M ONLY 40 NOW.

313. WE'LBE BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE?"

314. DON'T GO ANYWHERE.

315. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

316. WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW WITH GREG AND WAYNE.

317. YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO READ THE CREDITS

318. AS TWO OBNOXIOUS, CATCALLING CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.

319. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

320. HEY, DAN PATTERSON, LOOK AT THOSE.

321. HEY, RYAN STILES, WHOO-HOO!

322. I GOT YOUR JIMMY MULVILLE RIGHT HERE.

323. HEY, TOM PARK, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS OVER HERE?

324. PARK THIS, HUH?

325. HEY, WAYNE BRADY!

326. HEY, COME ON OVER HERE. HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS?

327. HEY, MELINDA COTE, ALISON SIDERIS —

328. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES, JOHN O'BRIEN?

329. FEELING A LITTLE LIKE THIS, HUH?