Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x17

1. GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

2. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW,

3. IT'S GOING, GOING GONE — BRAD SHERWOOD.

4. IT'S... WAYNE BRADY!

5. KISS THAT BABY GOODBYE — COLIN MOCHRIE.

6. WE WIN! WE WIN!

7. RYAN STILES!

8. HI, I'M DREW CAREY. WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

9. COME ON, LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

10. OHH.

11. HELLO. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",

12. WHERE EVERYTHING IS MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

13. THAT'S RIGHT —

14. POINTS ARE LIKE UNDERWEAR TO SHARON STONE.

15. HA HA HA HA HA.

16. YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.

17. THAT'S HOW I REMEMBERED IT.

18. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE SHOW BEFORE,

19. WHAT HAPPENS IS THESE GUYS

20. ARE GOING TO MAKE UP EVERYTHING YOU SEE

21. RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THEIR HEADS.

22. AFTER EVERY GAME, I GIVE THEM POINTS.

23. THE POINTS ARE JUST A GAG TO HOLD THE SHOW TOGETHER.

24. AT THE END OF THE SHOW, WE PICK A WINNER.

25. THE WINNER GETS TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH ME.

26. WHOO!

27. THE LOSERS REALIZE

28. THEY'RE NOT REALLY LOSERS AFTER ALL.

29. LET'S START OFF WITH A GAME

30. I LIKE TO CALL "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS."

31. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.

32. BRAD, YOU'RE GOING TO BE AN ANCHORMAN OF A NEWS SHOW,

33. AND, COLIN, YOU'RE THE CO-ANCHOR.

34. HA HA HA. COLIN —

35. I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO LK AT THESE BEFORE.

36. COLIN IS IN THE TOUR DE FRANCE.

37. WAYNE, YOU'RE DOING THE SPORTS.

38. YOU'RE ABOUT TO DISTURB A BEEHIVE.

39. RYAN, YOU'RE DOING THE WEATHER,

40. AND YOU ARE FIGHTING

41. THE INNER URGE TO BE A STRIPPER.

42. SO, UH, WHENEVER YOU HEAR THE MUSIC,

43. GO AHEAD AND START.

44. GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO THE 6:30 NEWS.

45. I'M CHUCK FLANKSTEAK.

46. TRAGEDY STRUCK THE TELETUBBIES THIS WEEK

47. WHEN, DURING A CAMPING TRIP,

48. DIPSY AND LAA-LAA WERE MAULED TO DEATH BY BEARS.

49. AND NOW ON A LIGHTER NOTE, THE POLITICAL DESK.

50. PLEASE WELCOME OUR POLITICAL ANALYST

51. HARRY LAMBSHANKS. HARRY?

52. BONJOUR!

53. TELL US ABOUT THE POLITICAL DESK.

54. YES, I'M TELLING.

55. IT'S SO HARD TO CATCH MY BREATH

56. BECAUSE — OH, DAMN HILL.

57. OH, SACRé BLEU! UN FLAT.

58. WHILE YOU FIX THAT TIRE, WE'LL GO TO THE SPORTS.

59. WELL, BEFORE WE GET TO THE SPORTS,

60. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE TREAT, HUH? MMM. OKAY.

61. IT APPEARS THAT THE OAKLAND RAIDERS —

62. OW! OO-HOO. OKAY. HA HA. THAT'S — THAT'S GREAT.

63. IT APPEARS THAT THE OAKLAND RAIDERS HAVE, UH,

64. HAVE — HAVE SIGNED AN AGREEMENT TO — OOH.

65. OH, THAT'S GOOD.

66. HMM? MM-MM.

67. THERE'S SOME—

68. UH-OH.

69. OW!

70. I'M ALLERGIC!

71. I'M ALLERGIC!

72. I GUESS WE WON'T BE SEEING T-BONE

73. AT THAT CHARLOTTE HORNETS GAME. HA HA!

74. LET'S GO FIND OUT WHAT IT'S LIKE IN THE WEATHER,

75. 'CAUSE BOY, IT IS HOT OUT THERE.

76. WHEN WILL THIS HEAT WAVE EVER END?

77. LET'S CHECK THE WEATHER DESK

78. WITH CHIP BEEF-ON-TOAST.

79. THANK YOU.

80. AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S HOT ALL OVER THE NORTHWEST,

81. ALL OVER THE NORTHWEST.

82. AND IF WE CHECK, UH,

83. IF WE CHECK ON DOWN SOUTH HERE,

84. IT'S GETTING A LITTLE — DOWN SOUTH HERE —

85. A LITTLE BIT QUICKER.

86. WE SHOULD EXPECT SOME FOG FOR THE WEEKEND,

87. BUT THE FOG WILL BE CLEARING UP BY MONDAY.

88. THE FOG WILL BE CLEARING UP BY MONDAY,

89. AND THAT'S WHERE IT'LL BE GOING.

90. AND WE'VE GOT SOME SUNNY BREAKS

91. ON THE WEEKEND —

92. ON THE WEEKEND, IT'LL BE COMING ALONG.

93. SO, LOOKING AHEAD TO NEXT WEEK,

94. NEXT WEEK SHOULD BE JUST FINE,

95. AND THAT'S THE WAY WSHOULD HAVE IT FOR NEXT WEEK.

96. GETTING BACK TO YOU, AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

97. THANK YOU

98. FOR THAT SCINTILLATING WEATHER REPORT, CHIP.

99. STAY TUNED NOW

100. FOR "THE TINKY WINKY AND PO SHOW."

101. GOOD NIGHT.

102. YOU WANT TO KNOW THE SCARY PART

103. ABOUT THAT WHOLE THING? I'VE SEEN RYAN NAKED.

104. NOT FOR FREE.

105. NO, BUT I FOUND THE PRICE.

106. HA HA HA HA.

107. HA HA HA HA.

108. YEAH, IT WAS GREAT.

109. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "DUET."

110. THIS IS FOR BRAD AND WAYNE,

111. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR ON GUITAR.

112. OH, MAN.

113. HEY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

114. DINA.

115. ALL HER FRIENDS WERE POINTING AT HER.

116. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, DINA?

117. MARKETING.

118. WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU MARKET?

119. YOU'RE A MARKETING MANAGER OF WHAT?

120. THERMOSTATS, CONTROLS.

121. SOUNDS EXCITING.

122. WHY DON'T YOU COME UP AND MEET BRAD AND WAYNE?

123. DINA —

124. DINA, THIS IS BRAD AND WAYNE.

125. THIS IS DINA.

126. NICE TO MEET YOU.

127. AND SHE'S IN THE EXCITING FIELD

128. OF MARKETING THERMOSTATS.

129. UH, SO...

130. SO, DINA...

131. UH, BRAD AND WAYNE —

132. BRAD AND WAYNE ARE GOING TO SING TO YOU

133. IN THE STYLE OF A TEEN 1950s SONG,

134. A TEENAGE SONG, 1950s SONG.

135. GO AHEAD WHENEVER YOU'RE READY TO GO.

136. DINA.

137. DINA, IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WITH YOU?

138. FIANCé. OH, SORRY.

139. 1,000 POINTS TO THE FIANCé.

140. OKAY, LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "WHOSE LINE?"

141. THANK YOU. OUR CRACK STAFF AT WORK.

142. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, WE ACTUALLY DO HAVE

143. A GAME CALLED "WHOSE LINE? ON THIS SHOW.

144. THIS IS FOR COLIN AND RYAN.

145. BEFORE THE SHOW, WE ASKED THE AUDIENCE

146. TO WRITE SOME STUFF DOWN.

147. ONE OF THE THINGS IS RANDOM LINES.

148. TAKE THOSE THINGS OUT. THOSE ARE RANDOM LINES.

149. THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE UP A SCENE,

150. AND THEN, DURING THE SCENE,

151. THEY'RE GOING TO INSERT THOSE LINES.

152. THE SCENE IS RYAN IS OBI-WAN KENOBI,

153. AND YOU'RE TRAINING COLIN, WHO'S LUKE SKYWALKER,

154. TO BE A JEDI KNIGHT.

155. LET'S TRY IT ONE MORE TIME.

156. THIS IS THE CHURCH, THIS IS THE STEEPLE —

157. I'M NOT GETTING IT, MASTER! I'M NOT GETTING IT.

158. I CAN'T TEACH YOU. YOU WILL NOT LEARN FROM ME.

159. HOW WILL THIS HELP ME FIGHT THE DARK FORCES?

160. THE JEDIS HAVE A SAYING,

161. AND IT GOES SIMPLY LIKE THIS.

162. "FROM NOW ON, I WANT TO BE KNOWN AS HELEN."

163. WHAT KIND OF NAME

164. IS OBI-WAN KENOBI?

165. CALL ME HELEN.

166. KENOBI? HELEN KENOBI?

167. NO, JUST HELEN.

168. YOUR WAYS ARE STRANGE TO ME,

169. BUT I NEED YOU IF I AM TO FIGHT DARTH.

170. I THOUGHT YOURS WAS BIGGER THAN THAT.

171. AS I GROW OLD,

172. THE LIGHT GROWS DIMMER.

173. I READ THE JEDI HANDBOOK YOU GAVE ME.

174. I WAS A LITTLE CONFUSED BY PAGE ONE, YOU KNOW,

175. WHERE IT SAID, "MY SHORTS ARE ON FIRE."

176. YES. IT HELPS YOU TO USE THE FORCE.

177. YOU CAN NEVER BE TRAINED. OPEN THE DOOR —

178. OH, YOU'LL NEVER GET IT ALL.

179. NO, I CAN DO IT!

180. LUKE,

181. I HAVE NOT GOT LONG LEFT.

182. HA HA HA!

183. NO, I HAVE NOT LONG LEFT.

184. I LL — I'LL DIE SOON, LUKE.

185. PEOPLE WILL SAY THINGS ABOUT ME.

186. I DON'T WANT YOU TO BELIEVE THEM.

187. WHEN PEOPLE TALK OF ME,

188. LOOK STRAIGHT INTO THEIR EYES AND TELL THEM,

189. "DON'T MISS 'THE DREW CAREY SHOW'

190. WEDNESDAY NIGHTS ON ABC."

191. OR, WAIT.

192. WAIT! THERE'S MORE.

193. "GIVE THE TALL GUY MORE LINES."

194. IT MAY NOT MAKE SENSE TO YOU NOW,

195. BUT AS YOU BECOME A JEDI, IT WILL ALL BECOME CLEAR.

196. OH, THANK YOU, HELEN, WISE —

197. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GET USED TO THAT.

198. I'M OFF TO FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL.

199. LUKE, GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

200. CAN I JUST RUN BY MY BATTLE CRY?

201. AS YOU RUN, AS YOU FIGHT THE EVIL LORD VADER...

202. I'LL TURN ON MY LIGHTSABER,

203. LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN THE HELMET,

204. AND, HELEN, TO MAKE YOU PROUD,

205. I WILL YELL OUT,

206. "THE CANADIANS ARE COMING! THE CANADIANS ARE COMING!"

207. ALL RIGHT, DON'T GO AWAY!

208. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

209. RIGHT AFTER THIS. DON'T GO ANYWHERE.

210. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANWYAY?"

211. EVERYTHING IS MADE UP AND POINTS DON'T MATTER,

212. LIKE WHAT'S IN THIS CUP.

213. WHAT DO YOU CARE WHAT I'M DRINKING?

214. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "PARTY QUIRKS."

215. BRAD, YOU'RE GOING TO BE HOSTING THE PARTY,

216. AND WAYNE, COLIN, AND RYAN ARE THE GUESTS.

217. EACH HAS BEEN GIVEN A STRANGE QUIRK OR IDENTITY.

218. WHY DON'T YOU GUYS LINE UP OVER THERE?

219. I'LL BRING YOU IN ONE AT A TIME.

220. OH, GUESS I'LL OPEN THE DOOR.

221. HELLO?

222. SPOOHH!

223. CAREFUL, MY NEIGHBORS WILL CALL THE POLICE

224. IF WE MAKE TOO MUCH NOISE.

225. HOLD ON. PARDON ME.

226. HEY.

227. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

228. "TODAY, I JUST SAT THERE.

229. "I WATCHED THE FOUR OF THEM PERFORM FOR ME IN SUCH A WAY

230. I DIDN'T THINK I'D BE ABLE TO WALK."

231. HEY, BRAD. THANKS FOR INVITING ME.

232. HEY, CHIPS. GOOD.

233. HEY, BRAD.

234. CAN I COME IN?

235. COME ON IN.

236. HURRY UP. I GOT TO CLOSE THE DOOR.

237. COME ON, GET IN THE HOUSE!

238. I SEE THE OTHER GUESTS HAVE ARRIVED.

239. GET IN.

240. PFSSH! WHAT ARE YOU LETTING HIM IN FOR?

241. I THOUGHT YOU'D BE HERE.

242. GET IN. GET IN.

243. GET IN THE HOUSE.

244. GET IN THE HOUSE. ALL RIGHT.

245. HEY, COME ON OVER. HAVE SOME DIP.

246. "THE BEER WAS FLAT,

247. SO I FIRED EVERYONE WHO WORKED FOR THE COMPANY."

248. LADIES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN,

249. ON STAGE ONE, ONE, ONE...

250. STAGE TWO, TWO, TWO, TWO...

251. WHEE!

252. IT'S THE RINGLING BROS. CIRCUS.

253. NO, IT'S NOT.

254. IT'S CIRQUE DU SOLEIL.

255. IT'S THE MARCHING BAND CHAMPIONSHIPS.

256. IT'S A PARADE!

257. IT'S WOODSTOCK '99 BEFORE THE FIRE.

258. IT'S MARDI GRAS!

259. IT'S CARNIVAL.

260. NO, UH, WHAT'S ANOTHER BIG THING THAT THEY HAVE

261. IN NEW ORLEANS SOMETIMES, HAS MARCHING BANDS IN IT?

262. WHOO-HOO! HALF TIME IN SUPER BOWL.

263. YEAH!

264. GEE, THAT ONE SEEMED SO OBVIOUS,

265. I JUST THREW IT AWAY.

266. HOW COME YOU GUYS NEVER INVITE ME TO YOUR PARTIES?

267. "COLIN'S MY FAVORITE."

268. LISTEN, YOU BETTER STOP READING

269. DREW CAREY'S JOURNAL.

270. YES.

271. WELL, I'D LIKE TO STAY LONGER,

272. BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE THE LAST ONE HERE.

273. HEY, I'M TAKING AWAY YOUR VALIUM.

274. OKAY?

275. PFSSH! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING BEFORE ME.

276. WELL, I AM IF I CAN HELP IT.

277. OH, NO. PFSSH!

278. LET HIM LEAVE. LET THE SPEEDY ONE LEAVE.

279. I WANT TO KEEP YOU. I WANT TO MAKE SOME SOUP.

280. HA HA HA HA.

281. TORTOISE AND THE HARE.

282. TORTOISE AND THE HARE.

283. 1,000 POINTS TO COLIN

284. FOR LEAVING OUT THE JUICY PARTS.

285. I APPRECIATE THAT, PAL, LET ME TELL YOU.

286. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "SCENES FROM A HAT."

287. RYAN AND COLIN, OVER THERE, BRAD AND WAYNE, OVER HERE.

288. BEFORE EACH SHOW, WE ASK THE AUDIENCE

289. TO WRITE DOWN DIFFERENT SCENES THEY'D LIKE TO SEE.

290. WE PUT THE GOOD ONES IN THIS HAT

291. 'CAUSE NOT ALL OF THEM ARE GOOD.

292. I'M GOING TO READ OUT THESE SUGGESTIONS

293. AND SEE HOW MANY THE PERFORMERS CAN ACT OUT.

294. SO LET'S SEE.

295. "REJECTED ENDING— " HA.

296. "REJECTED ENDINGS FOR THE BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE — "

297. THEY COULDN'T JUST SAY, "MOVIE."

298. "REJECTED ENDINGS FOR THE MOVIE 'TITANIC.'"

299. I'M KING OF THE SQUIRRELS!

300. BUZZER ]

301. HA HA HA.

302. ROSE, PROMISE ME THAT YOU'LL —

303. HEY, I CAN STAND UP.

304. HA HA HA. I'M SORRY.

305. WELCOME, ROSE. MY NAME'S GILLIGAN.

306. THIS IS THE PROFESSOR.

307. ALL RIGHT...

308. "PERSONAL MESSAGES YOU'D LIKE TO SEE

309. FLYING FROM THE BACK OF AN AIRPLANE."

310. "HELP! THE ENGINE'S ON FIRE."

311. "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU'RE DRIVING TOO CLOSE."

312. HA HA HA.

313. ALL RIGHT.

314. HA HA. HA HA HA HA.

315. OH, THIS IS A GOOD ONE.

316. "BAD SONGS TO SING IN PRISON."

317. HA HA HA.

318. HA HA HA HA.

319. HA HA HA HA.

320. OH, MAN.

321. YOU SOUNDED SO SINCERE WHEN YOU WERE SINGING THAT.

322. THAT WAS REALLY GREAT.

323. "INAPPROPRIATE FOR STATE GREETINGS."

324. HI.

325. DAMN, THEY'RE BIG.

326. HELLO, MR. JOHNSON.

327. I'VE COME TO FONDLE YOUR DAUGHTER.

328. I'LL SATISFY YOU, BUT IT COULD KILL YOU.

329. OKAY...

330. HA HA.

331. "WHAT HE'S THINKING WHILE HE'S KISSING YOU."

332. DAMN, THOSE ARE BIG.

333. OKAY, THE GIANTS ARE ON AT 3:00 EASTERN TIME.

334. THAT MEANS I CAN —

335. SHE COULDN'T HAVE EATEN SKUNK.

336. OH!

337. MAN, THE THINGS YOU GOT TO DO TO GET ON "WHOSE LINE?"

338. "BAD PARENTAL MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES."

339. DO YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE ME?

340. A TEACHER? A TEACHER?

341. HONEY, PROSTITUTES MAKE TWICE THAT MONEY.

342. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE?"

343. RIGHT AFTER THIS MESSAGE.

344. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

345. TONIGHT'S WINNER — WAYNE BRADY!

346. WAYNE BRADY'S THE WINNER.

347. SINCE THESE GUYS LOST,

348. THEY'RE GOING TO DO OUR FAVORITE GAME

349. IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, RIGHT?

350. "HOEDOWN," YEAH!

351. LAURA HALL ON THE PIANO. LAURA HALL.

352. WHAT WE NEED IS A SUGGESTION OF A TYPE

353. OR A GROUP OF PEOPLE YOU HATE.

354. CABLE GUYS!

355. WE'LL MAKE IT THE CABLE COMPANY OR THE CABLE GUY.

356. LET'S DO THE CABLE COMPANY HOEDOWN.

357. YEAH! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE?"

358. RIGHT AFTER THIS.

359. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

360. WE'RE GOING TO END

361. WITH WAYNE DELIVERING CREDITS AS A GENERAL

362. GIVING A GUNG-HO PEP TALK TO HIS TROOPS BEFORE BATTLE.

363. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

364. ALL RIGHT, NOW, DAN PATTERSON AND MARK LEVESON

365. ARE WAITING ON THE OTHER SIDE.

366. DAN PATTERSON AND JIMMY MULVILLE — KILL THEM!

367. BRUCE GOWERS — WE CAN KILL HIM!

368. AND I'VE CROSSED THE DREW CAREY, BUT I HAVE NOT SEEN THE BRAD —

369. DON'T SHOOT UNTIL YOU SEE LIONEL MAX!

370. THEN I WANT TO — WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?

371. EYES ON CENTER! HEY, COME BACK!

372. I'LL KILL YOU!

373. BRAD ZERBST WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD!

374. SWEETWATER PRODUCTIONS! ABC!

375. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.