Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x16

1. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

2. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW —

3. PLEASE RISE FOR OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM —

4. GREG PROOPS.

5. MR. 7th INNING STRETCH — WAYNE BRADY.

6. HE'S BEING PULLED FOR A RIGHT-HANDER —

7. COLIN MOCHRIE.

8. AND GET YOUR PEANUTS — IT'S RYAN STILES.

9. I'M YOUR HOST — DREW CAREY. COME ON DOWN.

10. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

11. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD EVENING.

12. HELLO. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

13. "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" —

14. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

15. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. THAT'S RIGHT.

16. THE POINTS DON'T MATTER, JUST LIKE A STRIPPER'S NAME.

17. THESE FOUR PERFORMERS ARE GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING UP

18. OFF THE TOPS OF THEIR HEADS

19. BASED ON SUGGESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE

20. AND WHAT'S WRITTEN ON THESE CARDS HERE.

21. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

22. TS, WHICH DON'T MEAN A T

23. IT'S JUST A LITTLE GAG TO HOLD THE SHOW TOGETHER.

24. AT THE END OF THE SHOW, WE PICK A WINNER.

25. THE WINNER GETS TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL

26. AND THE LOSER GETS TO WATCH.

27. I LOVE BEING THE LOSER.

28. LET'S START OFF WITH A GAME CALLED "CHANGE OF CAST."

29. THIS IS FOR RYAN, COLIN, AND GREG, D YOU GUYS

30. ARE GOING TO ACT A SCENE. WHEN I BUZZ,

31. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE ON CHARACTERISTICS

32. OF A NEW CAST OF CHARACTERS.

33. THEY'RE ALL IN THIS COMEDY BAG.

34. LOOK HOW FUNNY THE BAG IS.

35. NOW, THE SCENE YOU'RE GOING TO START OUT —

36. YOU'RE THREE PRISONERS BREAKING OUT OF ALCATRAZ.

37. TINK, TINK.

38. YOU KNOW, WE'RE ON AN ISLAND.

39. MAYBE A TUNNEL'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

40. I'VE GOT SOME AIR. WE'RE GOING TO INFLATE COLIN

41. AND FLOAT TO SHORE ON HIM.

42. STICK THE NOZZLE IN.

43. "PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS."

44. YOU STICK THAT NOZZLE IN ME, AND I'LL BREAK YOUR HEAD!

45. HE'S GOING TO PUT THAT NOZZLE IN YOU TONIGHT

46. AND EVERY NIGHT.

47. NEXT WEDNESDAY, YOU'RE GETTING THE NOZZLE IN YOU!

48. "'BAYWATCH' LIFEGUARDS."

49. BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE.

50. THE TUNNEL — IT'S CLEAR.

51. LET'S GO.

52. "CATALOG MODELS."

53. I THINK WE SHOULD ESCAPE OVER THERE.

54. CAREFUL.

55. WATCH THE SEARCHLIGHT. WATCH THE SEARCHLIGHT.

56. HA HA HA.

57. "WEIGHTLESS ASTRONAUTS."

58. HE'S FLOATING AWAY.

59. QUICK — GET ON COLIN.

60. IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME I HEARD THAT...

61. "NEW YORK COPS."

62. HE'S CLEAN.

63. HA HA HA.

64. ALL RIGHT, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE FREE.

65. LOOKS LIKE WE'RE OFF THAT ISLAND.

66. RIGHT, WE'RE FREE.

67. HEY, HERE'S A GOOD ONE — "GAME OW HOSTS."

68. WELL, NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT YOUR FREEDOM,

69. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT?

70. TAKE A VACATION.

71. THAT'S ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! WHAT DO WE HAVE FOR HIM?

72. HA HA HA.

73. THAT WAS KIND OF CHEATING FOR GREG,

74. SINCE HE IS A GAME SHOW HOST

75. EVERY NIGHT AT 5:00 ON COMEDY CENTRAL,

76. SO NO POINTS FOR YOU.

77. THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

78. NO POINTS FOR YOU.

79. AND A BILLION ZILLION POINTS FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

80. NOW LET'S GO ON — HA HA HA.

81. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "SONG STYLES."

82. THIS IS FOR WAYNE,

83. WITH LAURA HALL ON PIANO AND LINDA TAYLOR ON GUITAR.

84. OKAY, RIGHT HERE.

85. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

86. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

87. MAILE.

88. NICE TO MEET YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO?

89. I WORK AT AN AGENCY.

90. WORK AT AN AGENCY? WHAT KIND OF AGENCY?

91. HA HA HA.

92. A TALENT AGENCY? DOING WHAT?

93. SECRETARY WORK.

94. SECRETARY WORK AT A TALENT AGENCY.

95. OKAY, MAILE, COME ON. FOLLOW ME RIGHT UP HERE.

96. SAY HI TO WAYNE.

97. WAYNE, THIS IS MAILE.

98. MAILE'S A SECRETARY AT A TALENT AGENCY.

99. SO, HEY, MAYBE WE CAN GET SOME WORK OUT OF IT.

100. HA HA HA.

101. AND YOU'RE GOING TO SING TO HER

102. IN THE STYLE OF RAY CHARLES.

103. OKAY.

104. I'M GOING TO PLAY THE PIANO FOR YOU NOW.

105. THANK YOU.

106. THANK YOU, MAILE. THAT WAS GREAT.

107. THANK YOU.

108. THERE SHE GOES.

109. HA HA HA.

110. MAN.

111. 1,000 POINTS TO LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR

112. FOR THAT ONE. THAT WAS REALLY GREAT.

113. LET'S GO ON TO "PROPS." THIS IS FOR EVERYBODY.

114. RYAN AND COLIN, THIS IS YOUR PROP RIGHT HERE.

115. AND YOU'RE LAUGHING NOW

116. BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR PROP. THERE YOU GO.

117. THAT'S REALLY FUNNY. HA HA HA.

118. THEY HAVE TO MAKE UP AS MANY FUNNY THINGS

119. AS THEY CAN, STARTING WITH COLIN AND RYAN.

120. TODAY WE BURY JIMMY THE ELF.

121. RABBIT SEASON, DUCK SEASON! BAM!

122. YOU'RE DESPICABLE.

123. STAND BACK, LOIS.

124. I'M GOING TO USE MY X-RAY VISION.

125. ARE YOU THE GOOD FAIRY?

126. MM-HMM.

127. YOU KNOW, NOW THAT MADONNA'S 80...

128. YEAH, MAN, ONCE YOU POP, YOU JUST CAN'T STOP.

129. MMM.

130. HELP ME! HELP ME!

131. REALLY SMALL TWISTER!

132. PRINCE CHARLES, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

133. YES.

134. GET THAT JAR JAR BINKS OUT OF HERE.

135. UH, WAYNE, WAYNE,

136. BEFORE YOU GO ON YOUR DATE...

137. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

138. RIGHT AFTER THIS. DON'T GO ANYWHERE.

139. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" —

140. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

141. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.

142. HEY, IF YOU'RE KEEPING SCORE AT HOME,

143. HAVE WE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

144. TOMORROW WE'RE GIVING AWAY A FREE FILL-UP

145. AT EVERY GAS STATION IN AMERICA.

146. DRIVE TO YOUR GAS STATION, GET YOUR FREE GAS,

147. AND TELL THEM "WHOSE LINE" SENT YOU.

148. GLAD TO DO IT.

149. I'M DREW CAREY, YOUR HOST,

150. STAR OF THE MOVIE "THIGHS WIDE SHUT."

151. HA HA HA.

152. NOW LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED "WEIRD NEWSCASTERS."

153. THIS IS FOR ALL OF YOU.

154. GREG, YOU'RE GOING TO ANCHOR A NEWS SHOW.

155. OH, PLEASE.

156. COLIN, YOU'RE THE COANCHOR. YOU'RE THE BITTER COANCHOR,

157. VERBALIZING YOUR INNER THOUGHTS.

158. WAYNE, YOU'RE DOING THE SPORTS.

159. YOU'RE GETTING ARRESTED.

160. UH, YOU KNOW.

161. HA HA HA.

162. HEY.

163. AND, RYAN, YOU'RE DOING THE WEATHER,

164. AND YOU'RE A SUMO WRESTLER.

165. YES.

166. SO, GREG,

167. WHENEVER YOU HEAR THE MUSIC, START THE NEWS.

168. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY. I'M TOTALLY UP FOR IT,

169. AND THIS IS THE ACTION NEWS.

170. IN OUR HEADLINES —

171. RICKY MARTIN ACCUSED OF LIVING A CRAZY LIFE,

172. AND BRITNEY SPEARS CLAIMS THAT SHE'S NO LONGER YOURS.

173. COLIN.

174. OH, IT'S MY TURN, IS IT?

175. YES.

176. THANKS. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TOP STORI.

177. I'M STUCK WITH THE DOG STORY.

178. THE DOG STORY IS —

179. SHUT UP!

180. OH, SHUT UP. JUST DO IT. DO IT.

181. WELL —

182. OH, SO HE DOES IT.

183. THANK YOU.

184. HA HA HA.

185. THANK YOU, COLIN.

186. THOSE ARE CERTAINLY THINGS WE'LL THINK ABOUT

187. AS THE NEWSCAST GOES ON.

188. NOW LET'S THROW IT OVER TO SPORTS

189. WITH BIG WAYNE. WHAT'S ON TOP FOR US, BIG BOY?

190. WELL, IT APPEARS THAT THIS WEEK IN —

191. OH, CRAP.

192. THAT THIS WEEK IN SPORTS

193. IT'S BEEN ANOTHER LOCK DOWN, AND THE OTHER —

194. THE OTHER TEAMS ARE GOING TO —

195. BUT I'M DOING THE NEWSCAST.

196. UM, ONE SECOND, GREG.

197. LOOK, I'M —

198. I THOUGHT SO.

199. NOW, IT APPEARS THAT THE SOCCER TEAM —

200. OHH.

201. OHH. OHH.

202. HEY, HEY, AND THAT'S ALL FOR THE SPORTS TODAY.

203. IT APPEARS THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO DO SPORTS

204. FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME.

205. IT WILL BE JUST ME AND BUBBA DOING SPORTS TOGETHER.

206. HELP ME.

207. HELP ME.

208. I DON'T WANT TO GO.

209. WELL, WE LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU AGAIN

210. IN 5 TO 10.

211. COLIN, DON'T YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE MORE APPROPRIATE

212. AFTER WE FINISH —

213. COLIN, DON'T YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE MORE APPROPRIATE

214. AFTER WE'RE DONE?

215. A KITTEN WAS SAVED FROM A TREE IN COVINA.

216. THAT BRINGS US TO WEATHER WITH RYAN.

217. RYAN, WHAT'S IN STORE FOR US THIS WEEKEND?

218. WELL, THANK YOU, GREG.

219. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE WEATHER.

220. WE'VE GOT SOME SUNNY DAYS AHEAD ON THE WEEKEND.

221. LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO CLEAR UP.

222. INTO THE WEEKEND — INTO THE WEEKEND —

223. INTO THE WEEKEND, IT'S GOING TO CLEAR UP.

224. IT'S GOING TO CLEAR UP INTO THE WEEKEND.

225. DURING THE WEEKEND — DURING THE WEEKEND —

226. OHH, OHH.

227. OHH, OHH.

228. OHH, OHH.

229. OHH.

230. AND BACK TO YOU, GREG.

231. WELL, THEN.

232. WE'LL BE BACK AT 11:00, BUT STAY TUNED NEXT

233. FOR "AMERICA'S FAVORITE SATANISTS."

234. THAT'S BEEN THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT.

235. A MILLION POINTS TO WAYNE BRADY

236. FOR RELIVING THAT AWFUL DAY IN WEST COVINA.

237. HA HA HA.

238. IT WASN'T THAT DAY.

239. OH, I'M SORRY. THAT AWFUL DAY IN THOUSAND OAKS.

240. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME —

241. I KNOW JUST THE PEOPLE FOR THIS ONE.

242. THIS IS FOR COLIN AND RYAN,

243. AND THE GAME IS CALLED "MOVING PEOPLE."

244. AND LET'S WANDER ON UP TO THE AUDIENCE.

245. WE'RE GOING TO FIND...

246. YOU AND YOU.

247. ME ON DOWN. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

248. SEBASTIAN.

249. SEBASTIAN. NICE TO MEET YOU, SEBASTIAN.

250. COME ON DOWN. AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

251. SHERRY.

252. SHERRY AND SEBASTIAN, COME ON DOWN.

253. PICK OUT YOUR FAVORITE IMPROV-ER.

254. PICK OUT YOUR FAVORITE. THIS IS SHERRY AND SEBASTIAN.

255. WE'RE GOING TO PLAY "MOVING PEOPLE."

256. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS, THEY'RE LIKE MANNEQUINS.

257. THEY CAN'T MOVE UNLESS YOU MOVE THEM.

258. YOU CAN PUT THEM IN ANY POSITION YOU WANT.

259. SO GO AHEAD AND PUT THEM IN ANY POSITION YOU WANT.

260. UH, YEAH, THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.

261. HA HA HA.

262. OKAY, THAT'S GOOD RIGHT NOW.

263. WE'LL START LIKE THAT.

264. THE GAME'S CALLED "MOVING PEOPLE."

265. THE SCENE IS, RYAN AND COLIN, YOU'RE TWO SURFERS

266. WHO ARE FIGHTING OVER A GIRL.

267. YOU'VE CHALLENGED EACH OTHER TO RIDE THE BIG WAVE.

268. CAN'T MOVE UNLESS YOU MOVE THEM.

269. SO GO AHEAD, RYAN AND COLIN, SHERRY AND SEBASTIAN.

270. AHH.

271. I'M BUFFING MY SURFBOARD.

272. YOU BETTER CATCH UP, BUDDY.

273. I'M ALREADY ON THE WAVE,

274. AND MY PULSE IS RACING.

275. DIG THESE MOVES.

276. YOU THINK IT'S EASY SURFING ON THE —

277. ON THE —

278. I DON'T HAVE A BOARD, AND I'M SURFING.

279. I'M GOING TO PUT MY BOARD IN THE WATER RIGHT NOW.

280. MY BUTT COULD NOT BE TIGHTER.

281. ALL RIGHT.

282. WATCH ME JUMP RIGHT ONTO MY BOARD.

283. WHEN I SAY JUMP —

284. STOP.

285. YOU'RE MAKING MY SIDE HURT.

286. YOU WANT A COMPETITION?

287. I'LL RACE YOU TO THE BEACH. FIRST ONE THERE GETS SUSAN.

288. AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO LOOK AT YOU

289. WHEN I TELL YOU THAT.

290. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HEAD OUT THERE?

291. WHICH WAY'S THAT?

292. OH.

293. NOT WHERE I'M LOOKING, BUT WHERE I'M POINTING.

294. OVER THERE.

295. I BET YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THIS STYLE BEFORE.

296. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

297. IT'S CALLED CHEATING, MY FRIEND.

298. NO PUSHING.

299. HEY, WATCH IT. I CAN TAKE YOU.

300. OH, YEAH?

301. I'VE GOT A GUN WITH FOUR BARRELS.

302. WELL, WATCH THIS MOVE.

303. AW, MAN.

304. RIGHT OUT OF MY RANGE.

305. NOW —

306. THIS IS CALLED MY ELVIS, BUDDY,

307. AND IT'S THAT LONG.

308. I COMING RIGHT ONTO YOUR BOARD,

309. AND I'M KNOCKING YOU OFF.

310. SPEAK NO MORE.

311. QUIET.

312. CAN YOU HEAR THAT?

313. I CAN HEAR THE OCEAN IN YOUR HEAD.

314. SORRY. I JUST HAD TO SEE IF THAT WAS REAL.

315. THANK YOU, GUYS.

316. THANK YOU, SEBASTIAN. THAT WAS GREAT.

317. THANK YOU, SHERRY. THAT WAS REALLY NICE.

318. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

319. SHERRY AND SEBASTIAN — HOW ABOUT IT?

320. AND I AM GOING TO GIVE A MILLION POINTS

321. AND LOTS OF REPEAT BUSINESS TO WHOEVER MADE MY SHIRT

322. BECAUSE, MAN, THAT LOOKS REALLY GREAT.

323. OH, OH, MY GOSH. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

324. IT'S EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE GAME —

325. "HOEDOWN"!

326. YEAH!

327. YEAH! WHOO!

328. YEAH.

329. "HOEDOWN"!

330. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL ON PIANO.

331. LAURA HALL HELPING US OUT WITH THE "HOEDOWN."

332. I NEED A SUGGESTION OF SOMETHING

333. YOU DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT DOING.

334. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

335. UH, LET'S DO "THE SHOPLIFTING HOEDOWN."

336. "THE SHOPLIFTING HOEDOWN."

337. LAURA HALL, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

338. WHOO!

339. I SURE LOVE THIS ONE.

340. WHOO!

341. WE'RE GOING TO BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

342. "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!

343. HEY, WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

344. TONIGHT'S WINNERS ARE RYAN AND COLIN,

345. AND WE'RE GOING TO DO "90-SECOND ALPHABET."

346. WHAT HAPPENS IS WAYNE'S GOING TO TIME US.

347. WE'RE GOING TO DO A WHOLE SCENE FOR YOU IN 90 SECONDS.

348. EVERY TIME WE START A SENTENCE, HAS TO START

349. WITH THE NEXT LETTER IN THE ALPHABET.

350. STARTING WITH WHAT LETTER?

351. "Q."

352. "Q," STARTING WITH "Q."

353. WAYNE, WHAT'S THE SCENE?

354. "RYAN, DREW, AND COLIN ARE AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY

355. AND HAVE BET ALL TIR MONEY ON A RACE." GO.

356. QUICK, QUICK! RUN FASTER!

357. RIGHT ON!

358. SHH.

359. 2! 2!

360. 2! 2! GO, NUMBER 2!

361. 2! QUICK, 2! WHOO!

362. UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

363. YOU'RE MAKING THE HORSE NEUROTIC.

364. VERY ASTUTE OF YOU.

365. HORSES GET SCARED VERY EASILY.

366. VERY EASILY?

367. VERY, VERY EASILY.

368. WOW!

369. YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.

370. "X" MARKS THE SPOT! COME ON!

371. "X" MARKS THE SPOT!

372. WHAT A STUPID NAME FOR A HORSE.

373. ZITHER! GO, ZITHER! GO!

374. NOT AS STUPID AS ZITHER.

375. ALL THE HORSES —

376. I BET ON ALL THE HORSES HERE. I CAN'T LOSE.

377. BET, YOU SAY? YOU CAN MAKE A BET?

378. OH.

379. COULDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE WERE PUTTING MONEY

380. IN THAT LITTLE TICKET OFFICE? THAT WAS BETTING.

381. DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT A RACETRACK IS FOR?

382. 30 SECONDS!

383. EVER BEEN SO STUPID IN YOUR LIFE?

384. NO! YOU'RE THE STUPIDEST PERSON EVER.

385. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

386. FRANK, RELAX. IT'S JUST A GAME.

387. GEE, YOU GOT UPSET AT NOTHING, REALLY.

388. HARRY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

389. I DO. JUST SHUT UP AND WATCH.

390. 15.

391. KINDLY STEP ASIDE WHILE I ROOT MY HORSE ON.

392. 10.

393. GO! GO!

394. LIKE I CARE WHO WINS NOW.

395. OH.

396. MANY TIMES I THOUGHT, "LET THE BUZZER RING,

397. AND LET'S FINISH THE SCENE."

398. NO, NO, IT'S OVER.

399. OH, WELL.

400. PER—

401. PERHAPS WE SHOULD HAVE GONE A LITTLE QUICKER.

402. QUICKER.

403. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANKS.

404. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE"

405. DON'T GO AWAY. SEE YOU IN A SECOND.

406. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

407. WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW TONIGHT

408. BY HAVING RYAN AND GREG READ THE CREDITS

409. AS A VOICE-OVER FOR A MOVIE TRAILER.

410. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

411. IT WAS THE SUMMER OF 1965, AND DAN PATTERSON

412. WAS GROWING UP TO BE A MAN.

413. YES, WHEN DENISE O'DONOGHUE AND MARK LEVESON

414. WALKED INTO HIS WORLD AND TORE IT APART.

415. WHO KNEW THAT THE TOWN THAT DREW CAREY LIVED IN

416. WOULD SOON BECOME NOTHING?

417. IT WAS A TIME OF REVOLUTION. IT WAS A TIME OF KEITHICHMOND.

418. DINOSAURS, CHEAP THRILLS, AND HAL SPEER!

419. WITH A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY BRAD ZERBST.

420. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.