Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x13

Directed by

Misha Collins as Self • Brad Sherwood as Self

Actor Misha Collins; guest comic Brad Sherwood.

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!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x13 [02:32]
!req Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x13 [Whose Line Is It Anyway? 2x13]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME

2. TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" ON TONIGHT'S SHOW —

3. YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS — WAYNE BRADY.

4. YOU DON'T SING ME LOVE SONGS — JOSIE LAWRENCE.

5. YOU DON'T RETURN MY PHONE CALLS — COLIN MOCHRIE.

6. AND GET OUT, JUST GET OUT! RYAN STILES.

7. I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.

8. COME ON DOWN. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

9. HELLO.

10. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.

11. HELLO, GOOD EVENING.

12. WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",

13. THE SHOW WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP

14. AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. THE POINTS ARE JUST

15. LIKE A SUGGESTION BOX AT TIANANMEN SQUARE.

16. THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW,

17. WHAT HAPPENS IS, OUR PERFORMERS ARE GOING

18. TO MAKE UP EVERYTHING YOU SEE.

19. THEN WE GIVE THEM POINTS AT THE END OF EVERY GAME

20. JUST TO TIE THE SHOW TOGETHER.

21. AT THE END, WE PICK A WINNER,

22. AND THE WINNER GETS TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH ME,

23. PROVING THAT SUCCESS DOES NOT ALWAYS BRING HAPPINESS.

24. HA HA HA HA.

25. LET'S START WITH A GAME CALLED "QUESTIONS ONLY,"

26. FOR ALL OF YOU

27. JOSIE AND WAYNE ARE GOING TO START.

28. THEY CAN ONLY SPEAK IN QUESTIONS.

29. THIS IS A GREAT PARTY GAME IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BOOZE.

30. THEY CAN ONLY SPEAK IN QUESTIONS.

31. WHEN ONE OF THEM GOES WRONG, I'LL BUZZ THEM OUT.

32. A LITTLE CONTEST TO SEE WHO CAN STAY THE LONGEST.

33. THE SCENE IS YOU'RE IN A LINGERIE SECTION

34. OF A DEPARTMENT STORE ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

35. "QUESTIONS ONLY." GO AHEAD.

36. DOES THIS FIT ME?

37. ARE YOU ASKING ME?

38. COULD YOU PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME

39. AND MAKE ME FEEL LOVED?

40. WOULDN'T YOU PREFER THOSE IN PINK, SIR?

41. OH, DO YOU HAVE RASPBERRY?

42. WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING THERE, SIR?

43. YOU EVER SEEN A CROSS-DRESSER?

44. SIR, SIR,

45. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THESE?

46. WHAT ARE THOSE?

47. I DON'T KNOW. YOU TELL ME.

48. NICE TRY.

49. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

50. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M GETTING RID

51. OF ALL THE DAILY BRAS?

52. WHY DO YOU DO THAT?

53. DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING?

54. WOULD I BE ASKING IF YOU DIDN'T?

55. DO YOU WANT A JOB?

56. DOING WHAT?

57. WANT TO PICK THESE UP?

58. IS THIS OKAY?

59. DOES VICTORIA HAVE A SECRET?

60. I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING FOR MY HONEYMOON.

61. HMM. MM-HMM.

62. ARE YOU THE SALESGIRL

63. WHO'S SHOWING HER BREASTS TO EVERYONE?

64. YOU'RE THE SALESGIRL?

65. OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

66. MAN, WAYNE LOOKS LIKE HE'S TAKEN OFF A BRA

67. OR TWO IN HIS LIFE, DOESN'T HE?

68. I WANT TO GIVE 1,000 POINTS TO JOSIE

69. FOR CLASSING UP THE PLACE WITH HER FAKE BRITISH ACCENT.

70. BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

71. HERE ON "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",

72. WE ACTUALLY HAVE A GAME CALLED "WHOSE LINE?"

73. AND THIS IS FOR COLIN AND RYAN,

74. COLIN AND RYAN.

75. THE AUDIENCE SUPPLIED RANDOM LINES FOR THE SHOW.

76. THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THEY WROTE DOWN.

77. THIS IS YOURS. STUFF THEM IN YOUR POCKET.

78. WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A SCENE.

79. THEY HAVE TO USE THE LINES IN THEIR POCKET.

80. THE SCENE IS, ZORRO, PLAYED BY RYAN...

81. OH.

82. CATCHES UP WITH THE LEADER OF THE MEXICAN GUARD,

83. PLAYED BY COLIN.

84. GO AHEAD.

85. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY EXERCISE MACHINE?

86. YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD RUN AWAY FROM ME.

87. YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM ME.

88. I WON'T NEED A BIG SWORD FOR YOU.

89. YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, ZORRO.

90. I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT PART OF MEXICO I'M FROM.

91. I WAS EDUCATED IN OXFORD.

92. YOU MUST COME BACK WITH ME. YOU HAVE COMMITTED MANY CRIMES.

93. APPARENTLY, I'M FROM THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD.

94. YES.

95. YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME, ZORRO.

96. I MADE A PROMISE TO THE PEOPLE OF THE VILLAGE.

97. THEY SAID, "BRING HIM BACK, ZORRO."

98. I LOOKED THEM ALL IN THE EYES AND SAID,

99. "HERE'S JOHNNY!"

100. I WANTED TO CHANGE MY NAME FROM ZORRO TO JOHNNY,

101. BUT THE "J" IS SO HARD TO CARVE IN A WALL.

102. IT TAKES TWO MOTIONS RATHER THAN JUST THE "Z."

103. I'M SORRY.

104. I WAS AMUSED BY YOUR ACCENT.

105. YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME.

106. I WILL SAY AS MY FATHER AND FOREFATHERS

107. SAID BEFORE ME

108. WHEN ANYONE TRIED TO CAPTURE THEM,

109. "MY POODLE'S STUCK IN A HEATER VENT."

110. AND ONCE MY POODLE IS FREE,

111. HE WILL CHEW YOUR ANKLES DOWN TO THE BONE.

112. YOU WOULD HIDE BEHIND A DOG

113. LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE.

114. HEY, HEY.

115. I SHOULD TAKE YOU BACK. AS YOU HANG FROM THAT ROPE,

116. I WILL LOOK UP TO YOU AND SAY,

117. "LET ME BE YOUR LOVE MONKEY."

118. PERHAPS I HAVE SAID TOO MUCH.

119. I'M GETTING MIXED SIGNALS HERE.

120. I WILL TAKE YOU BACK, BUT NOT FOR THE VILLAGERS.

121. I WANT YOU TO COME LIVE WITH ME.

122. OKAY.

123. JUST THAT EASY?

124. WELL, IF IT'S BETWEEN HANGING FROM THE HIGHEST YARDARM

125. OR LIVING WITH A MAN WITH A NICE HAT AND A MASK.

126. YOU WILL COME BACK?

127. TELL ME THE WORDS I WANT TO HEAR.

128. ARE YOU SURE?

129. YES.

130. NO, LOOK IN MY EYES AND TELL ME.

131. I WILL.

132. HERE ARE THE WORDS I'VE TRIED TO SAY TO YOU

133. EVER SINCE YOU FIRST FOLLOWED ME ON HORSEBACK.

134. "SEEING YOU NAKED CHANGED MY LIFE."

135. CERTAINLY, UH, CERTAINLY CHANGED MY LIFE.

136. CHANGED YOUR LIFE, TOO.

137. 1,000 POINTS TO THOSE OF US WHO HAVE SEEN RYAN NAKED.

138. THAT'S, LIKE, EVERYBODY IN AMERICA.

139. A LOT OF PEOPLE FORGET THAT ON "THE DREW CAREY SHOW,"

140. RYAN AND I HAVE BEEN TOTALLY NAKED.

141. OF COURSE, SOME OF US NEEDED A WIDE-ANGLE LENS.

142. AND SOME OF US NEEDED A ZOOM.

143. LET'S GO ON TO "PROPS." THIS IS FOR ALL OF YOU.

144. RYAN AND JOSIE, THIS IS YOUR PROP,

145. AND THERE YOU GO.

146. AND COLIN AND WAYNE, THIS IS YOUR PROP.

147. RYAN AND JOSIE, YOU'RE GOING TO START.

148. THINK OF AS MANY FUNNY THINGS TO DO

149. WITH THE PROPS AS YOU CAN, STARTING WITH RYAN AND JOSIE.

150. HI, ROCKY.

151. MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

152. YOU NEED A QUARTER?

153. CLICK.

154. NOT MUCH OF A JIGSAW PUZZLE.

155. HONEY, PUT IT DOWN!

156. SORRY.

157. OH, WHO'S A HAPPY SEAL, THEN?

158. AYE,

159. IT'S A 2-HEADED LOCH NESS MONSTER.

160. YOU DON'T THINK MY HAIR IS TOO PUFFY?

161. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

162. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

163. RIGHT AFTER THIS.

164. WELCOME BACK.

165. HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE SHOW WITH YOUR WHOLE FAMILY,

166. BECAUSE I THINK YOUR DAUGHTER'S HOT.

167. HA HA HA HA.

168. YEAH, I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR TV.

169. LET'S GO ON TO GAME CALLED "SCENES FROM A HAT."

170. IT'S FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU. RYAN, COLIN, JOSIE, AND WAYNE,

171. GO TO YOUR POSITIONS. I HAVE THIS ALL-AMERICAN HAT.

172. NO OFFENSE.

173. I LIKE TO RUB IT IN.

174. HA HA HA HA.

175. BEFORE THE SHOW, WE ASK THE AUDIENCE

176. TO WRITE DOWN SUGGESTIONS, AND WE PUT THEM IN A HAT.

177. THESE ARE SCENES THE AUDIENCE WOULD LIKE

178. TO SEE ACTED BY THE PERFORMERS.

179. I'M GOING TO SEE HOW MANY THEY CAN ACT OUT.

180. HERE WE GO. "ODD HIJACKER DEMANDS."

181. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, GET MOVING.

182. AND, YOU, RIVERDANCE.

183. MAKE A LEFT!

184. TAKE ME TO CUBA GOODING JR.

185. "REJECTED THEMES FOR RESTAURANTS."

186. HELLO, AND WELCOME TO,

187. 109 RECIPES THAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR.

188. I DON'T KNOW IF THEY TOLD YOU,

189. BUT IN AMERICA, WE CAN ONLY GET AWAY WITH THAT

190. IF YOU PRONOUNCE IT.

191. IT'S OKAY.

192. I'M SO SORRY.

193. OH, DON'T BE SORRY.

194. I'M NOT SAYING THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT.

195. I'M JUST SAYING YOU CAN'T SAY IT.

196. THEY DON'T LIKE IT.

197. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

198. "VIDEOTAPES THAT WON'T SELL OUT AT BLOCKBUSTER."

199. HELLO, AND FOR THE NEXT 55 MINUTES,

200. YOU'RE GOING TO SEE JUST ME GOING...

201. HA HA HA HA.

202. I'M QUEEN OF THE WORLD!

203. OH, HI, THERE.

204. I'M DREW CAREY.

205. "INTERVIEW QUESTIONS YOU'D LIKE TO HEAR ASKED

206. OF A MISS AMERICA CONTESTANT."

207. MISS ILLINOIS, ARE THOSE REAL?

208. CAN YOU PICK UP THAT QUARTER WITHOUT USING YOUR HANDS?

209. "THE WRONG THING TO SAY WHEN SHE SAYS, 'I LOVE YOU.'"

210. HA HA HA HA.

211. HA HA HA.

212. THAT'S NICE, BUT YOU'RE NOT JOHN.

213. YEAH, KEEP THE CHANGE.

214. I LOVE WHEN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

215. SEEPS INTO THE...

216. "MESSAGES DELIVERED A LITTLE LATE,"

217. "MESSAGES DELIVERED A LITTLE LATE."

218. CUSTER, STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

219. MR. LINCOLN, THE SHOW GOT BAD REVIEWS.

220. MR. CLINTON, STAY AWAY FROM THE FAT BROAD.

221. OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

222. THAT WAS GREAT. 1,000 POINTS APIECE.

223. BY THE WAY, PBS CALLED. THEY WANT THEIR TOTE BAGS BACK.

224. UH, LET'S GO ON TO A GAME CALLED "GREATEST HITS."

225. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU WITH THE HELP

226. OF LAURA HALL AND LINDA TAYLOR!

227. COLIN AND RYAN ARE TV ANNOUNCERS

228. TALKING ABOUT THE LATEST COMPILATION ALBUM

229. THEY'RE TRYING TO SELL. WAYNE AND JOSIE ARE GOING

230. TO TRY TO SING THE SONGS RYAN AND COLIN TELL THEM TO.

231. WE NEED SOMETHING YOU LOOK TO FIND IN THE YELLOW PAGES.

232. CHIROPRACTOR.

233. CHIROPRACTOR, CHIROPRACTOR,

234. THAT WAS THE FIRST ONE ONE I HEARD.

235. SO THE NAME OF YOUR ALBUM IS "SONGS OF THE CHIROPRACTOR."

236. HI, WE'LL RETURN YOU TO YOUR MOVIE PRESENTATION

237. OF "THE MAN WHO WOULD BE DON KING"

238. IN JUST A MOMENT, BUT FIRST,

239. HAVE WE GOT A DEAL FOR YOU.

240. AS LONG AS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CRACKING EACH OTHER'S BACKS,

241. IT'S SET OFF MUSIC TO MAKE THE HEART SING,

242. AND WE'VE COME UP WITH A COLLECTION

243. OF OVER 8,053 SONGS,

244. ALL ABOUT THE CHIROPRACTORS AND THE JOB THEY DO.

245. THAT'S CORRECT, COLIN.

246. AND NOT JUST SONGS FROM HERE IN AMERICA,

247. BUT SONGS ALL — FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.

248. ALMOST MISSED A WORD THERE.

249. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK.

250. SHH.

251. DON'T TOUCH ME.

252. INCLUDING THAT NUMBER-ONE HIT TANGO SONG

253. "CRACKETY-CRACK, DON'T TALK BACK."

254. SHH.

255. SHH, SHH.

256. "SONGS OF THE CHIROPAC— PRACTOR" IS SOMETHING —

257. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN A NIP.

258. I'M SORRY.

259. OH, NO, GO, GO, GO.

260. "SONGS OF THE CHIROPRACTOR" GO BACK MANY, MANY YEARS.

261. DO THEY?

262. YES, THEY WERE, AND I KNOW,

263. AS A YOUNG BLACK CHILD GROWING UP IN THE BRONX,

264. NONE WAS MORE POPULAR TO ME THAN THAT BOOGIE-WOOGIE HIT

265. "IS THAT A BULGING DISK,

266. OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?"

267. HEY, COLIN.

268. YES, RYAN.

269. HOW MANY SONGS ARE ON THIS 2-D CD SET?

270. TOOTIE CD SET.

271. I MENTIONED IT EARLIER.

272. IF YOU WEREN'T LISTENING, TOUGH.

273. HA HA HA.

274. OH, HAVE A COFFEE.

275. YOU KNOW, WE HAVE SONGS FROM ALMOST EVERY ERA,

276. AND ONE OF MY FAVORITES

277. IS THIS GREAT GILBERT AND SULLIVAN SONG

278. "READJUSTIN'-JUSTIN'

279. WHILE THE WIND IS GUSTIN'-GUSTIN'."

280. I'M A GENERAL, YOU KNOW?

281. WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

282. WE'LL FIND OUT WHO THE WINNER IS.

283. YOU WANT TO SEE THAT, DON'T YOU?

284. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

285. IT'S A 3-WAY TIE. RYAN, COLIN, AND JOSIE

286. ARE ALL THE WINNERS.

287. HA!

288. HA!

289. HA!

290. HA HA HA.

291. HA!

292. WE GET TO DO A "HOEDOWN" WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL.

293. AH, A "HOEDOWN."

294. WHAT I NEED FROM THE AUDIENCE IS A SUGGESTION

295. FOR SOMETHING A HUSBAND AND WIFE MIGHT FIGHT ABOUT.

296. CHILDREN.

297. LET'S DO THE CHILDREN "HOEDOWN" WITH LAURA HALL.

298. LAURA HALL, TAKE IT AWAY.

299. THANKS FOR WATCHING. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

300. WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE?" RIGHT AFTER THIS.

301. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"

302. WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW TONIGHT

303. WITH RYAN AND COLIN READING THE CREDITS.

304. READ THE CREDITS AS TWO DISGRUNTLED

305. FOOTBALL FANS SITTING IN THE BLEACHERS.

306. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

307. COME ON, PATTERSON. PICK IT UP!

308. RYAN STILES COULDN'T CATCH A PASS

309. IF HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

310. COME ON, TOM PARKS, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

311. I WANT TO GO IN.

312. RUTH, YOU CAN'T GO IN.

313. BRUCE RYAN, COME ON, JUST PICK UP THE BALL!

314. HEY, MAYBE IF WE PUT JOSH GILBERT IN.

315. WHAT ABOUT EVE McGORRIL?

316. KENNETH R. SHAPIRO, GET OUT OF THERE!

317. COME ON, MICHELLE PERSHING!

318. OH, MY GOD, SHE'S BRITISH!

319. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.