1. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY,
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2. AND WELCOME TO "WHOSE LINE
IS IT ANYWAY?"
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3. ON TONIGHT'S SHOW...
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4. A HYPERKINETIC POP CULTURE
FIRECRACKER — WAYNE BRADY.
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5. AN ARTFUL BLEND OF SATIRE
AND SHTICK — CHIP ESTEN.
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6. STEAMY ADULT ENTERTAINER
COLIN MOCHRIE,
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7. AND A FUN HOUSE OF SHRIEKS
AND SCREAMS — RYAN STILES.
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8. I'M YOUR HOST DREW CAREY.
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9. COME ON DOWN.
LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
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10. HELLO!
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11. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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12. WELCOME, EVERYBODY, TO "WHOSE
LINE IS IT ANYWAY?",
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13. THE SHOW WHERE
EVERYTHING'S MADE UP
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14. AND THE POINTS
DON'T MATTER,
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15. JUST LIKE A SURVEILLANCE
CAMERA AT THE 99 CENTS STORE.
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16. POINTS DON'T MEAN A THING.
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17. THESE GUYS
ARE GOING TO COME UP,
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18. THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE
EVERYTHING UP THAT YOU SEE.
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19. THEN WE GIVE THEM POINTS
AT THE END OF EACH ROUND.
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20. I DON'T KNOW WHY.
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21. JUST A LITTLE GAG
TO HOLD THE SHOW TOGETHER,
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22. TO PRETEND LIKE
THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON.
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23. AT THE END, WE PICK
WHAT WE CALL THE WINNER.
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24. THE WINNER GETS TO DO A LITTLE
SOMETHING SPECIAL WI ME...
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25. WHILE THE LOSER
SNAPS PICTURES.
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26. WE'RE GOING TO START
WITH "LET'S MAKE A DATE."
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27. THIS IS FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU.
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28. CHIP, YOU'RE APPEARING
ON A DATING-TYPE SHOW.
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29. COLIN, RYAN, AND WAYNE
ARE CONTESTANTS.
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30. WE GIVE THEM A STRANGE
CHARACTERISTIC OR IDENTITY.
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31. THEY'VE NEVER SEEN
THESE CARDS BEFORE.
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32. CHIP'S GOING TO QUESTION THEM
ABOUT GOING OUT ON A DATE
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33. AND THEN TRY TO GUESS
WHO THEY ARE.
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34. BACHELOR NUMBER ONE,
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35. I WANT TO HAVE
MANY, MANY CHILDREN.
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36. IF YOU WERE MY HUSBAND,
HOW WOULD —
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37. I WANT YOU
TO SCOLD OUR CHILDREN
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38. IF THEY COME HOME LATE.
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39. I WANT TO HEAR THAT.
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40. VERY EASY.
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41. FIRST, I'D MAKE OUT CHILD
RUN THE GAUNTLET,
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42. WHERE MYSELF, FIRESTORM,
GRIDLOCK, AND ICEBEAM
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43. WOULD CRIPPLE HIM.
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44. THEN I WOULD PUT HIM
IN A HEADLOCK,
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45. AND WE'D FIGHT
50 FEET OVER A PIT.
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46. AND IF HE SURVIVED,
THEN HE COULD HAVE COOKIES.
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47. MMM, A LITTLE STERN.
I LIKE THAT, I LIKE THAT.
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48. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO, IF YOU
WERE A NEW SPICE GIRL,
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49. WHAT WOULD YOUR NAME BE?
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50. A NEW SPICE GIRL.
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51. I'D LOVE TO BE A SPICE GIRL.
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52. YOU KNOW, THEY WEAR
ALL THOSE TIGHT CLOTHES,
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53. AND THEY JIGGLE —
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54. JUST THE WAY THEY MOVE
ACROSS THE FLOOR WITH —
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55. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
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56. BACHELOR NUMBER THREE...
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57. YELLO?
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58. HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?
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59. I'M DOING
OKAY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
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60. I'M DOING VERY WELL.
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61. BACHELOR NUMBER THREE,
I BELIEVE ALL OF LIFE
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62. CAN BE SUMMED UP
ON A BUMPER STICKER.
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63. WHAT WOULD YOURS SAY?
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64. MINE WOULD SAY
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65. "IF I EVER FIND YOU,
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU."
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66. BACHELOR NUMBER ONE —
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67. OOH!
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68. BACHELOR NUMBER ONE,
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69. IF YOU WERE ONE
OF THE SEVEN DWARVES,
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70. WHAT DWARF WOULD YOU BE?
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71. I'D BE KICK-ASS DWARF.
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72. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO,
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73. WHAT WOULD A ROMANTIC
EVENING WITH YOU BEGIN WITH?
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74. WELL, WE'D QUICKLY DISROBE
AND START —
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75. DO ME A FAVOR AND MAKE
THAT SHEEP SOUND AGAIN.
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76. BACHELOR NUMBER THREE...
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77. I'M STILL HERE.
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78. WHEN YOU'RE
AT AN AMUSEMENT PARK,
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79. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
RIDE, AND WHY?
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80. I GUESS I LIKE ONE OF THEM
ROLLER COASTERS,
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81. 'CAUSE THEY'RE —
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82. BARK, BABY! BARK, BABY!
BARK, BABY!
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83. I'M GOING TO PICK TWO,
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84. BUT I WANT THREE
TO BE THERE, ALSO.
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85. ALL RIGHT, CHIP,
WHO ARE THEY?
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86. OH, MY GOODNESS. UM...
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87. AZTEC WARRIOR.
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88. NO. WHAT WAS THE SHOW —
IT'S NOT ON ANYMORE, BUT —
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89. OH, WHERE THEY FIGHT
EACH OTHER —
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90. "BATTLESTAR
GALACTICA" — NO.
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91. GLAD...
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92. GLADIATORS.
"AMERICAN GLADIATORS."
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93. COLIN IS AN ENTIRE ZOO.
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94. NO. WHENEVER HE GETS
WHAT, HE DOES WHAT?
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95. OH, WHENEVER HE GETS HORNY,
HE TURNS INTO AN ANIMAL?
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96. YEAH.
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97. OH, MY GOD.
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98. AND I'M GOING TO GUESS
THAT RYAN IS A HIT MAN.
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99. IF YOU'RE
A TRAVELING SALESMAN,
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100. AND YOU RAN INTO
A WHO IN THE JOKE,
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101. WHAT WOULD IT BE?
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102. HE'S THE FARMER'S
DAUGHTER'S FATHER.
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103. YEAH. THE FARMER.
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104. THE FARMER'S
DAUGHTER'S FATHER.
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105. THE FARMER'S
DAUGHTER'S FATHER.
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106. NEPHEW'S UNCLE.
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107. IN OTHER WORDS, THE FARMER.
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108. DO I EVEN GET ONE POINT?
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109. NO. NO.
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110. IN OTHER WORDS,
HER BROTHER.
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111. YEAH.
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112. LOOK WHAT THEY MADE ME DO!
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113. LET'S GO ON TO A GAME
CALLED "DUET."
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114. THIS IS FOR CHIP AND WAYNE.
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115. THEY'RE GOING
TO SING A DUET
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116. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL,
LINDA TAYLOR,
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117. AND ANNE WANSELIUS.
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118. USUALLY I TRY TO PICK
A REALLY CUTE GIRL.
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119. I'M GOING TO PICK YOU
INSTEAD.
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120. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
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121. DERRICK.
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122. NICE TO MEET YOU, DERRICK.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?
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123. I WORK
IN THE DIESEL INDUSTRY.
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124. DOING WHAT?
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125. I RUN THE WAREHOUSE.
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126. YOU RUN THE WAREHOUSE
IN THE DIESEL INDUSTRY.
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127. HE'S A DIESEL GUY.
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128. DERRICK, COME ON DOWN HERE
AND MEET CHIP AND WAYNE.
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129. COME ON DOWN HERE.
SO GLAD TO MEET YOU.
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130. ALL RIGHT.
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131. AH...
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132. REGULAR "WHOSE LINE" WATCHERS
ARE PROBABLY WONDERING,
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133. "WHY DIDN'T HE PICK
THE CUTE CHICK,
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134. LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES?",
BUT HERE'S WHY.
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135. CHIP AND WAYNE, YOU'RE GOING
TO SING A SONG TO DERRICK,
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136. WHO RUNS THE FACTORY
AT A DIESEL PLACE,
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137. AND I WANT YOU TO SING TO HIM
LIKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE.
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138. WHOO!
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139. DERRICK.
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140. DERRICK.
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141. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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142. DERRICK, YOU WANT
A JOB, DUDE?
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143. HEY, DERRICK, HOW MANY
POINTS SHOULD WE GIVE THEM?
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144. 2 BILLION.
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145. 2 BILLION.
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146. 2 BILLION. WHOO!
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147. I LOVE YOU, DERRICK!
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148. YOU KNOW I DID.
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149. 2 BILLION POINTS
FOR DERRICK.
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150. WE'RE GOING TO DO A GAME
CALLED "PROPS."
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151. WE'RE GOING TO DIVIDE
YOU GUYS INTO TWO PAIRS.
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152. RYAN AND CHIP,
THIS IS YOUR PROP, AND —
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153. THERE YOU GO —
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154. COLIN AND WAYNE,
THIS IS YOUR PROP.
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155. THAT THING WEIGHS A TON.
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156. THEY HAVE TO GO
BACK AND FORTH
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157. AND COME WITH AS MANY
FUNNY THINGS
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158. TO DO WITH THE PROPS
AS FAST AS THEY CAN.
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159. I PAID WAY TOO MUCH MONEY
FOR THESE.
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160. I TOLD YOU —
NO STARCH IN THE TIE.
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161. YOU DISHONOR MY FATHER!
COME ON.
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162. I SEE BILLY
AND TIMMY AND GEORGE.
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163. WHAT IS WISCONSIN?
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164. I'M NOT SURE
WHAT BATHROOM THIS IS —
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165. GUYS OR GIRLS.
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166. NOT MUCH OF A POWER PLANT.
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167. GOD BLESS US — EVERYONE.
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168. COME ON IN, BILL!
BE OUR GUEST!
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169. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ELTON JOHN AND FRIEND!
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170. SO I TOLD HER
IF SHE WAS GOING TO TALK
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171. LIKE THAT ABOUT ME,
THAT I WILL NOT TAKE THAT.
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172. DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'LL BE BACK
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173. WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE
IS IT ANYWAY?" AFTER THIS.
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174. WELCOME BACK TO "WHOSE LINE
IS IT ANYWAY?",
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175. THE SHOW WHERE
EVERYTHING'S MADE UP
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176. AND THE POINTS
DON'T MATTER,
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177. JUST LIKE BATTING PRACTICE
TO THE DODGERS.
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178. LET'S PLAY A GAME
CALLED "PARTY QUIRKS."
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179. THIS IS FOR CHIP,
WAYNE, COLIN, AND RYAN.
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180. WE GAVE WAYNE,
COLIN, AND RYAN
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181. A STRANGE QUIRK
OR IDENTITY.
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182. GO OVER THERE
AND GET IN LINE.
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183. I'LL BRING YOU IN
WITH THE DOORBELL
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184. ONE AT A TIME.
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185. CHIP, YOU HAVE TO GUESS
WHAT THEY ARE.
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186. LISTEN, I GOT TO GO.
I'M STARTING A PARTY.
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187. I KNOW I DIDN'T
INVITE YOU.
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188. WELL, FRANKLY,
YOU'RE NOT QUIRKY ENOUGH.
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189. COME ON IN.
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190. TRY THE DIP
WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE.
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191. COME ON IN.
JOIN MY PARTY.
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192. THANKS.
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193. HOW'S THAT?
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194. SO I'VE GOT SOME ROACHES.
IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
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195. COME ON IN.
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196. HOW ARE YOU?
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197. WELCOME.
WELCOME TO MY PARTY.
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198. I'M SO GLAD
YOU COULD MAKE IT.
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199. OH, MY GOD.
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200. GOOD TO HAVE YOU,
GOOD TO HAVE YOU.
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201. YOU LIKE MY STEREO?
HAVING A GOOD TIME?
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202. OH, GOD. MY GOD.
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203. YOU GUYS ARE FUN.
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204. LEAVE HER ALONE.
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205. LEAVE HER —
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206. COME ON.
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207. I'M S— I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
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208. AAH! AAH! AAH!
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209. OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
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210. ALL RIGHT.
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211. OKAY, YES. WAIT —
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212. KING KONG MOVIE,
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
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213. IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE YOU HATE
THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS.
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214. YOU'RE A SLOW-MOTION
FOOTBALL PLAYER.
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215. HEY, WHO WANTS
TO HAVE WAYNE BRADY
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216. LIFT THEIR DRESS UP
ON NATIONAL TV?
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217. RAISE YOUR HAND.
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218. "SHOW MY UNDERWEAR! MINE!
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219. I WANT THEM TO SEE
MY UNDERWEAR!"
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220. GOOD THING YOU LISTENED
TO YOUR MOTHER, HUH?
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221. ALL RIGHT.
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222. IT'S LIKE A BAD
HIGH SCHOOL DREAM.
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223. OR A GOOD ONE.
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224. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
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225. MELISSA.
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226. MELISSA. OKAY.
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227. NOT ANYMORE, IT ISN'T.
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228. YOU WON'T SEE THAT
ON "FRIENDS."
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229. YEAH. NO, YOU DON'T.
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230. THANK YOU, MELISSA.
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231. GIVE HER SOME POINTS.
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232. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GIVE.
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233. ON THAT NOTE, LET'S GO ON
TO A GAME CALLED "HOEDOWN,"
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234. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL
ON THE PIANO.
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235. UH, LET'S GO —
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236. WHAT I NEED
FROM THE AUDIENCE —
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237. TYPES OF TV SHOWS
THAT YOU LOVE TO HATE.
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238. COPS. COP SHOWS.
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239. COP SHOWS.
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240. SO, EVERYBODY, LET'S HEAR
THE COP SHOW HOEDOWN.
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241. WHOO!
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242. WHOO!
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243. YEAH!
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244. YEAH!
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245. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"
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246. RIGHT AFTER THIS.
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247. WELCOME BACK
TO "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?"
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248. TONIGHT'S WINNERS —
RYAN AND WAYNE.
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249. WE'RE GOING TO DO A GAME
CALLED "3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR"
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250. WITH THE HELP OF LAURA HALL
AND LINDA TAYLOR.
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251. WE'RE GOING TO PRETEND TO BE
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252. A STRANGE
3-HEADED BROADWAY STAR.
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253. WE HAVE TO MAKE UP
A BROADWAY SONG
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254. ONE WORD AT A TIME.
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255. WE NEED THE NAME
OF AN UNLIKELY BROADWAY SHOW.
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256. "WORMS" IS A GOOD ONE.
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257. WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE HIT
LOVE SONG FROM "WORMS"?
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258. "YOU KNOW HOW TO WIGGLE."
"YOU KNOW HOW TO WIGGLE,"
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259. FROM THE HIT
BROADWAY MUSICAL "WORMS."
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260. HERE WE GO.
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261. EEE!
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262. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE "WHOSE LINE"
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263. RIGHT AFTER THIS.
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264. WELCOME BACK.
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265. WE'RE GOING TO END THE SHOW
WITH COLIN READING THE CREDITS.
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266. I WANT YOU TO READ THE CREDITS
AS A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER
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267. TRYING TO GET AN UNRULY CLASS
UNDER CONTROL.
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268. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
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269. ALL RIGHT, DAN PATTERSON,
MARK LEVESON,
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270. IF YOU'LL JUST
SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
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271. ALL RIGHT, NOW, COME ON!
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272. I'M GOING TO TELL
VICE PRESIDENT FORREST
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273. THAT YOU'RE —
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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274. THAT'S MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!
OH! ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!
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275. CHARLES ESTEN, YOU SIT DOWN!
THAT'S THE ENTIRE LESSON!
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276. WAYNE BRADY,
KEITH RICHMOND IS —
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277. I'M BRINGING HIM IN HERE!
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278. DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT!
SIT DOWN!
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279. DO NOT TCH MY BUTTOCKS!
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280. I DON'T GET PAID
ENOUGH FOR THIS!
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281. CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
ABC, INC. AND WARNER BROS. INC.
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