1. Good evening, and welcome
to Whose Line Is It Anyway?Copy !req
2. Tonight on the show,
my other car is Brad Sherwood.Copy !req
3. It's 11:00,
do you know where Wayne Brady is?Copy !req
4. If you see him rocking,
don't come a-knocking, colin Mochrie.Copy !req
5. And honk if you're horny, Ryan Stiles.Copy !req
6. And I'm your host, Drew carey.
Come on down, let's have some fun.Copy !req
7. Hello.Copy !req
8. Hello, hello.Copy !req
9. Welcome
to Whose Line Is It Anyway?Copy !req
10. The show where everything's made up
and the points don't matter.Copy !req
11. Thank you. If you never...
I never get tired of hearing it either.Copy !req
12. If you haven't seen this show,
these guys are gonna come up...Copy !req
13. and make stuff up off the top
of their heads based on suggestions...Copy !req
14. from these cards they've never seen
and suggestions from the audience.Copy !req
15. At the end of every round I give points.Copy !req
16. Who knows why?
Points don't matter. At the end...Copy !req
17. I just pick out whoever I like the best
and they get to do something with me.Copy !req
18. Yeah.Copy !req
19. When I say do a little something with me,
that's just what I mean.Copy !req
20. We'll start with a game called
Let's Make a Date.Copy !req
21. This is for all. Ryan, colin and Brad
will be contestants on a dating show...Copy !req
22. all hoping to be picked by Wayne.Copy !req
23. We've given you each a strange identity.
It's written on these cards.Copy !req
24. They've never seen these cards before.
And Wayne's gonna question them...Copy !req
25. and try to guess who they are
by the end of the round.Copy !req
26. So, Wayne, whenever you're ready...Copy !req
27. off you go.Copy !req
28. - Bachelor number one.
- Hello.Copy !req
29. I love a man
with an effervescent personality.Copy !req
30. I like a man who likes to party
and get his groove on.Copy !req
31. What's your favorite dance and why?Copy !req
32. My favorite dance is the samba...Copy !req
33. and I can take you to do the samba
in beautiful Puerto Vallarta.Copy !req
34. You and I will stay for two nights
and two days in Puerto Vallarta...Copy !req
35. courtesy of the Shiftwood Inn,
the best place to stay in Puerto Vallarta.Copy !req
36. The retail value of this package: $2562.Copy !req
37. Back to you, gorgeous.Copy !req
38. Oh, you make me wanna pick door
number two. One for me and one for you.Copy !req
39. - Bachelor number two.
- Mmm.Copy !req
40. Lately, I find myself quite lonely.Copy !req
41. I normally take walks in the park.Copy !req
42. Where do you like to go
when you need some solitude?Copy !req
43. Ah!Copy !req
44. So glad to know you, number two.
So glad to know you.Copy !req
45. Number three.Copy !req
46. I love classical music.Copy !req
47. I love classical music
because it helps me be me.Copy !req
48. What do you enjoy doing
that lets you be you?Copy !req
49. Could you repeat the question?Copy !req
50. Question?Copy !req
51. Could you back up?
Back up? Back up?Copy !req
52. Back up?Copy !req
53. Back up?Copy !req
54. Ooh!Copy !req
55. I'll come back to you, number three.Copy !req
56. Bachelor number one,
bachelor number one.Copy !req
57. If I had a super power, it would be to fly
so I could be caressed by the clouds.Copy !req
58. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
59. But if you had a super power
what would it be?Copy !req
60. It would be to wrap you in a beautiful fur
coat from Monkey and Monkey Fur coats.Copy !req
61. The finest in furriers since 1802,
Beverly Hills, california.Copy !req
62. Retail value of this beautiful
fluffy-cloud fur coat: $ 16,472.Copy !req
63. Back to you, gorgeous.Copy !req
64. Whoo.Copy !req
65. You make me wanna pick a vowel
and it's O.Copy !req
66. - Bachelor number two.
- Yeah.Copy !req
67. What kind of restaurant
would you take me to?Copy !req
68. Okay.Copy !req
69. Whoo.Copy !req
70. Can you guess who they are?Copy !req
71. That's a lot to choose from,
I'm ready to exhale right now.Copy !req
72. Bachelor number one...Copy !req
73. is a game-show host.Copy !req
74. Yes.Copy !req
75. Bachelor number two...Copy !req
76. is a circus geek who eats everything.Copy !req
77. Well, he's a circus geek, but on the show
he's playing the world's biggest glutton.Copy !req
78. Close enough.Copy !req
79. And bachelor number three.Copy !req
80. - He's a bird
Yes.Copy !req
81. He's a talking chicken...Copy !req
82. who's supposed to be having trouble
laying an egg. So, yeah. Close enough.Copy !req
83. Thousand points for Ryan
because I love the way you cluck.Copy !req
84. Nobody lays an egg like you do, buddy.Copy !req
85. Let's go to the game Duet.
This is for Brad and Wayne.Copy !req
86. With the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
Laura Hall.Copy !req
87. Let's come up to the audience here...Copy !req
88. and find a likely candidate.Copy !req
89. Hi, how are you? What's your name?Copy !req
90. - What's your name?
- Dana.Copy !req
91. Dana, come on.
What do you do for a living, Dana?Copy !req
92. I'm a dental hygienist.Copy !req
93. Come here, Dana.Copy !req
94. Let's just take a walk, come on.Copy !req
95. This is Dana, she's a dental hygienist.
Look at that smile.Copy !req
96. Now, you're gonna sing a song to her
in the style of a '60s R & B song.Copy !req
97. So whenever you're ready, take it away.Copy !req
98. Oh, Dana
You're the bossCopy !req
99. I listen to you every day because I flossCopy !req
100. Listen, girl
Lovin' I got to getCopy !req
101. Why don't you take me to your love sink
And let me spitCopy !req
102. - Dana
- DanaCopy !req
103. - Dana
- DanaCopy !req
104. - Dana
- Dana, give me some Novocain-aCopy !req
105. Dana, I think that you got lots of classCopy !req
106. I'd like to take you out with a tank
Of laughing gas, oh, DanaCopy !req
107. - Dana
- DanaCopy !req
108. - Dana
- DanaCopy !req
109. I never get my fill, I saidCopy !req
110. - Dana, Dana
- Dana, oh, DanaCopy !req
111. Why don't you open your mouth
Here comes my big drillCopy !req
112. - Oh, Dana
- Dana, DanaCopy !req
113. - Dana
- Dana, DanaCopy !req
114. Dana, Dana, DanaCopy !req
115. DanaCopy !req
116. Thank you, Dana.
Thank you, Dana.Copy !req
117. Let's all have a hand for Dana,
everybody. Dana.Copy !req
118. Man.Copy !req
119. Two thousand points to Dana.Copy !req
120. Saw the big drill, didn't even flinch.Copy !req
121. Let's go on to a game
called Newsflash.Copy !req
122. This is for Ryan, Brad and colin.Copy !req
123. Ryan and Brad are gonna be
two news anchors.Copy !req
124. Colin is gonna be in the field as a reporter
covering a breaking news story.Copy !req
125. Problem is, he's in front
of this green screen.Copy !req
126. He can't see what's behind him even if he
looks at it. It's gonna be green to him.Copy !req
127. However, through the magic of television,
we'll see what's behind him.Copy !req
128. You'll see at home.
And he has to guess what it is.Copy !req
129. Ryan and Brad, let's go over to you guys
and see how it goes.Copy !req
130. I just colored it around the ears a bit.Copy !req
131. - A little grayish.
- Makes you look more dignified.Copy !req
132. We interrupt this program
for a news bulletin.Copy !req
133. Colin, can you hear us?Copy !req
134. - Colin?
- Yes.Copy !req
135. Can you believe this?Copy !req
136. Colin.Copy !req
137. Colin, for our viewers at home who might
not be familiar with this goings-on...Copy !req
138. could you please be very descriptive
about what you see out there.Copy !req
139. Well, apparently it all started over some
nude pictures of Dr. Rut on te Internet.Copy !req
140. And from there, this happened.Copy !req
141. And that and some of this too.Copy !req
142. Colin, do you have any favorites there?Copy !req
143. Well, I'm kind of partial to this one.Copy !req
144. But I haven't actually been
on the scene long enough...Copy !req
145. to build up any kind of rapport.
Now...Copy !req
146. I don't know much
about your expertise...Copy !req
147. but what do you actually call
those things?Copy !req
148. Well, I call that one Frank...Copy !req
149. and Terry and Jill.Copy !req
150. Now, pretend I'm a complete idiot,
which isn't very hard...Copy !req
151. if you were gonna call that
by its official name...Copy !req
152. its technical name,
what would you call that?Copy !req
153. Well, of course the only technical name
I know is the Latin one...Copy !req
154. which is puccalacus malacus.Copy !req
155. Looks like more fun than a barrel,
hey, col?Copy !req
156. It's amazing, and you know what?Copy !req
157. They also do a show.Copy !req
158. Every Thursday night.Copy !req
159. It's amazing to watch
and the drinks are free.Copy !req
160. Is that this...?Copy !req
161. Michael Nesmith
is making an appearance on that show.Copy !req
162. That's right and the rest of the monkeys
will be right behind.Copy !req
163. All right, that was great.Copy !req
164. We're gonna go see
a commercial now.Copy !req
165. We'll have more Whose Line Is It
Anyway? Don't go anywhere.Copy !req
166. Where everything's made up
and points don't matter.Copy !req
167. During the commercial I got spanked.Copy !req
168. I'm sorry you missed it.Copy !req
169. Let's go to a game called Film, Theater and
Television Styles. Ryan and Wayne.Copy !req
170. They're gonna do a scene for you.Copy !req
171. They're gonna start normally.
I'm gonna make them adapt...Copy !req
172. styles of theater,
television or movies.Copy !req
173. What I need from the audience
is suggestions...Copy !req
174. for different styles,
television styles, movie styles or theater?Copy !req
175. Sci-fi.Copy !req
176. Western is good.Copy !req
177. Sumo wrestling.Copy !req
178. That would count as a kind of a theater.Copy !req
179. - And what? What? Porno. Okay.
Porno!Copy !req
180. "Porno," said the woman
we'd all like to get to know.Copy !req
181. Anybody else?
We probably need a couple more.Copy !req
182. Karate, Shakespeare.Copy !req
183. Okay, we got plenty to start here.
This will be fine.Copy !req
184. You're gonna start normally,
I'll bring in the styles.Copy !req
185. And the scene is:
Wayne is the Birdman of Alcatraz.Copy !req
186. - Birdman.
- Birdman of Alcatraz.Copy !req
187. Ryan is the prison warden who's come to
his cell to tell him to get rid of his birds.Copy !req
188. Polly want a cracker. Daddy loves you.Copy !req
189. Run. Run.Copy !req
190. Western.Copy !req
191. You done shot my bird.Copy !req
192. That bird is the one who shot my pa.Copy !req
193. Your pa was the one who ate my bird.Copy !req
194. Look, they were no-good,
low-liver-lying birds.Copy !req
195. I'm letting you out.Copy !req
196. Shakespeare.Copy !req
197. Oh, the sunlight 'tis that fall upon me
making me darker than I am now.Copy !req
198. If you were a man who is away from bars
you would be free.Copy !req
199. For I shall never be free.Copy !req
200. For to fly upon the winds
a bird doth fly.Copy !req
201. But the bird cannot fly
for the buckshot in his behind.Copy !req
202. Sumo wrestling.Copy !req
203. Porno.Copy !req
204. Have a seat. Ding-dong! Oh, pizza.Copy !req
205. - I'm gonna slip into something comfortable.
- All right.Copy !req
206. I dumped oil all over myself.Copy !req
207. Okay, thank you very much.Copy !req
208. I'd like to give a million points to our
audience. Such a nice audience.Copy !req
209. Million points for the audience.Copy !req
210. What?Copy !req
211. Ryan, it's okay. The points don't matter.Copy !req
212. Let's go on to a game that I love to play,
it's called Telethon.Copy !req
213. We don't see this often, Telethon.Copy !req
214. Colin and Ryan are gonna be
the hosts of a telethon.Copy !req
215. Brad and Wayne will come on
as the chorus of celebrities...Copy !req
216. doing the telethon "help us" song.Copy !req
217. With the help of Laura Hall
on the piano.Copy !req
218. Laura Hall.Copy !req
219. What we need from the audience
is a suggestion of a group of people...Copy !req
220. you would not try to raise money for.
Spice Girls.Copy !req
221. NBA players.
- NBA players.Copy !req
222. Gosh, my heart bleeds for them. Okay.Copy !req
223. Raising money
for professional basketball players.Copy !req
224. Whenever you're ready,
start the telethon.Copy !req
225. Hello. Welcome back to hour six of
the professional-basketball-players telethon.Copy !req
226. That's right, we've been up
for six straight hours.Copy !req
227. Let's just go check the tote board.Copy !req
228. Three hundred and eighty-six million dollars,
ladies and gentlemen?Copy !req
229. - How can they live on that?
- Come on.Copy !req
230. I see two phones that are not busy
right now.Copy !req
231. Let's get those phones ringing.Copy !req
232. Let's let a man eat a decent meal.Copy !req
233. In a five-star restaurant...Copy !req
234. preferably a casino
with lots of showgirls.Copy !req
235. Because to entertain you...Copy !req
236. they need entertainment.Copy !req
237. People.Copy !req
238. - Come on.
- Colin, a little fact here. I'm not sure.Copy !req
239. Do you know what it costs
to make one size-18 shoe?Copy !req
240. - No. No, Ryan.
- Three hundred and fifty dollars.Copy !req
241. That's for one shoe,
ladies and gentlemen. One shoe.Copy !req
242. - One shoe.
- Most of these players wear two.Copy !req
243. Help them out. Give them a chance.
Give them a chance at life.Copy !req
244. Rodman needs more tattoos.Copy !req
245. You were
a professional basketball player.Copy !req
246. I was, for about a week.Copy !req
247. I could not make a living
on what they paid.Copy !req
248. I had to get out.
But a lot of men are stuck in that job.Copy !req
249. - That's right.
- They have families to feed.Copy !req
250. Some of these guys have
three or four wives that they have to keep.Copy !req
251. That's right.Copy !req
252. - We're not the only ones worried.
- We're not.Copy !req
253. We have assembled
a great group of talented individuals...Copy !req
254. I don't know how we got them all.Copy !req
255. It's amazing. And they're here...Copy !req
256. to sing a song that speaks out
to each and every one of you.Copy !req
257. - Get the phones ringing.
- Keep the phones ringing.Copy !req
258. Let's bring out this talent right now.
Please, a big hand.Copy !req
259. Well, I don't think that my lifeCopy !req
260. Will ever be the sameCopy !req
261. Because I can no longer watch
An NBA gameCopy !req
262. My life sunkCopy !req
263. untan't watch them slam dunkCopy !req
264. And it just wonzt ever be the sameCopy !req
265. I wish those boysCopy !req
266. untould take it to the hoopCopy !req
267. But every time they get there
There's a legal loopCopy !req
268. All that gear I'd be sportingCopy !req
269. No longer can I watch Michael JordanCopy !req
270. So come on
And give these hoops a chanceCopy !req
271. - Give these hoops a chance
- untome on, reach into your pocketsCopy !req
272. - Put your hands and give them a chance
- Right in your pantsCopy !req
273. You've got to put your hands togetherCopy !req
274. I want to thank you, LordCopy !req
275. And if you wanna seeCopy !req
276. The love Shaq, baby, play here in L.A.Copy !req
277. You better hurry on down
And give your money awayCopy !req
278. Give them a chance.Copy !req
279. Give them a chance.Copy !req
280. Hey, listen.
We're gonna go see a commercial.Copy !req
281. Welcome to Whose Line ls It Anyway?
Tonight's winner, Wayne Brady.Copy !req
282. - Wayne Brady is the winner tonight.
- Thank you.Copy !req
283. Fabulous come-from-behind victory.
And because he's the winner...Copy !req
284. he gets to sit and the rest of us are
gonna be punished by doing a hoedown.Copy !req
285. Laura Hall on the piano.
Laura Hall, everybody.Copy !req
286. What we need from the audience,
we need a suggestion of a major life event.Copy !req
287. Menopause.Copy !req
288. Menopause. How about a major life event
that men can relate to?Copy !req
289. Going bald.Copy !req
290. Sounds great.Copy !req
291. Going bald. So, Laura Hall,
whenever you're ready...Copy !req
292. let's hear the "Going Bald Hoedown."Copy !req
293. I am losing my hair
And it really is a painCopy !req
294. I find out every morning
When I see the shower drainCopy !req
295. But as you can see
It isn't quite for meCopy !req
296. But at least I'm not quite as bald
As untolin MochrieCopy !req
297. Oh, man, took my rhyme.Copy !req
298. I was gonna do that.Copy !req
299. I have all my hair
And I really am quite happyCopy !req
300. I like putting stuff in my hair
It makes me look real snappyCopy !req
301. I love to comb my hair
I never need a breatherCopy !req
302. I'm real happy
I'm not untolin Mochrie eitherCopy !req
303. I can't really help it
That I'm follicly impairedCopy !req
304. It really is quite horrible
But my life is not throughCopy !req
305. I still get way more sex
Than either Brad or DrewCopy !req
306. Losing all your hair
isn't really that bad of a dealCopy !req
307. A lot of women love
Just the way it feelsCopy !req
308. Just think of it as
Just a little more faceCopy !req
309. And you can rent it out
As advertising spaceCopy !req
310. As advertising spaceCopy !req
311. Good night. Thanks for watching
Whose Line ls It Anyway?Copy !req
312. See you next time. Goodbye.Copy !req