1. Good evening, and welcome to
Whose Line ls It Anyway?Copy !req
2. Tonight on the show:
international super-villain Greg Proops...Copy !req
3. sultry double agent Wayne Brady...Copy !req
4. baby-faced assassin colin Mochrie...Copy !req
5. and the man known only as the puma,
Ryan Stiles.Copy !req
6. And I'm your host, Drew carey.
come on, let's go have some fun.Copy !req
7. Hello.Copy !req
8. Hello, hello, and welcome to
Whose Line ls It Anyway?Copy !req
9. the show where everything's made up
and the points don't matter. Great show.Copy !req
10. What happens is all these guys have to
come up onto the center stage here...Copy !req
11. and they have to make up, on the spot,
off the top of their head...Copy !req
12. skits and games. And they're based on
the suggestions on these cards...Copy !req
13. which they've never seen before,
and suggestions from the audience.Copy !req
14. At the end of each game,
I give them points.Copy !req
15. The points don't mean a thing.
I give them anyway because I love them.Copy !req
16. And what happens at the end of the game,
I try to pick a winner or winners...Copy !req
17. and they get to do
a little something special with me.Copy !req
18. Whoa.Copy !req
19. Which may not make it to the air.
We're gonna do something special anyway.Copy !req
20. Ryan, colin and Greg...Copy !req
21. you'll be contestants on a dating show,
hopinq to be picked by Wayne.Copy !req
22. But on these cards, we've given them each
a strange characteristic or identity.Copy !req
23. Wayne's gonna give them questions and
guess who they are by the end of the game.Copy !req
24. So...Copy !req
25. Miss Wayne, whenever you're ready.Copy !req
26. Bachelor number one.Copy !req
27. I love a man who loves his body,
because I love muscles.Copy !req
28. Now, I like a man who likes to work out—Copy !req
29. Excuse me. can I interrupt?Copy !req
30. Oh, but, please.Copy !req
31. How old are you?Copy !req
32. Bachelor number one,
you don't ask a woman's age.Copy !req
33. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- Bachelor number two, hey.Copy !req
34. - Bachelor number two.
- Yeah?Copy !req
35. What's your favorite type of entertainment
on a hot, dusty Saturday morning?Copy !req
36. Well, I usually like to go on a picnic, but—
What the—?Copy !req
37. At ease! At ease!Copy !req
38. Easy, easy.
I want you to know that I feel your pain.Copy !req
39. - Bachelor number three, hello.
Hello there.Copy !req
40. Good morning to you.Copy !req
41. if you had a chance
to go back to school...Copy !req
42. and reenact
your most important school moment...Copy !req
43. what would it be?Copy !req
44. Oh, I guess it would have to be the first day
of school when I met all the other students.Copy !req
45. Stupid answer. That's a stupid...Copy !req
46. Stupid.Copy !req
47. I'll come back to you,
bachelor number three.Copy !req
48. - Bachelor number one.
- Hello, young American.Copy !req
49. - Bachelor number one—
- You don't mind if I smoke, do you?Copy !req
50. Uh-uh.Copy !req
51. Not at all, bachelor number one,
not at all.Copy !req
52. Bachelor number two.Copy !req
53. - Oh, they're here. They're here on me.
Bachelor number two.Copy !req
54. What's your favorite book and why?Copy !req
55. Well, who gives a damn?Copy !req
56. Get away!Copy !req
57. - Bachelor number three.
Yes?Copy !req
58. When I'm hot and sweaty,
I love a Yoo-Hoo.Copy !req
59. What's your favorite drink?Copy !req
60. Oh, I guess I like beer more than,
like, a soda pop or something.Copy !req
61. I guess I'm just kind of—
At heart, I'm like a bad boy.Copy !req
62. Bad boy. Bad boy. Bad boy.Copy !req
63. Bad, bad, bad boy.Copy !req
64. Bad boy. Bad, bad, bad boy.Copy !req
65. Bad. Bad.Copy !req
66. Well, Wayne, do you have any idea
who any of these people might be?Copy !req
67. Let me think.Copy !req
68. - Bachelor number one is the president.
Yes.Copy !req
69. President clinton, as a matter of fact.Copy !req
70. Bachelor number two
was being gradually eaten by army ants.Copy !req
71. - Yeah. Soldier ants. Yeah.
- That's good.Copy !req
72. And bachelor number three...Copy !req
73. was, was the...Copy !req
74. No.Copy !req
75. He was supposed to be a masochist.Copy !req
76. - Oh, I see.
So that's good enough.Copy !req
77. Thank you very much.
Two out of three, that's not bad.Copy !req
78. Hey, I'm gonna deduct a hundred points
for making me watch that.Copy !req
79. Thanks for nothing.
I was right on top of the play.Copy !req
80. Now, let's go to a game called
Film, Theater and Television Styles.Copy !req
81. This is for Ryan and Greg.
They're gonna act out a scene.Copy !req
82. I'm gonna make them adopt different styles
that I'm gonna get from the audience.Copy !req
83. I need styles of film or theater
or television.Copy !req
84. Kabuki.
Kabuki.Copy !req
85. Horror, kabuki.Copy !req
86. Greek tragedy.
These guys love Greek tragedy.Copy !req
87. Uh, pornography is a good one.Copy !req
88. Elvis movie, okay.Copy !req
89. Whatever that is. Sesame Street.Copy !req
90. Okay, that's plenty, that's plenty.
That's plenty. Your scene is:Copy !req
91. Greg, you're a farmer
who comes to complain to Ryan...Copy !req
92. a neighboring farmer...Copy !req
93. about some giant killer bees
coming from his barn.Copy !req
94. And you'll start out as normal. I'll come out
with another style as soon as you get going.Copy !req
95. - Uh, excuse me, Deke.
- Yeah.Copy !req
96. Billy, I haven't seen you in four years,
vo' haven't heen overCopy !req
97. No, I haven't had need to come over.Copy !req
98. But I have to tell you about something.
My child's head is sw—Copy !req
99. Back to the barn, my—Copy !req
100. Horror.Copy !req
101. It's about these bees of yours.Copy !req
102. They don't seem normal,
not like regular bees.Copy !req
103. They fly into your house, and the next thing
you know, your child's head is spinning.Copy !req
104. They're not my bees.
I have no control over them.Copy !req
105. Back into the barn. Wait till I call you.Copy !req
106. Kabuki.Copy !req
107. The bees are our friends.
My father said the bees are good.Copy !req
108. "My cows are swollen and red."Copy !req
109. Uh, Elvis.Copy !req
110. Listen, your bees are stinging, man.Copy !req
111. Let me pick them off you.
Wait. They're all over your—Copy !req
112. I'm trying to get them off me here too.Copy !req
113. We're going on a bee huntCopy !req
114. We got a bad bee problem, baby,
but they ain't my bees.Copy !req
115. Your bees are a lot bigger than—Copy !req
116. Sesame Street.Copy !req
117. can you spell "bee"?Copy !req
118. - You can't spell B. B's a letter.
- No.Copy !req
119. There's more than one letter in "bee."Copy !req
120. Well, it's odd that there's bees
in this neighborhood.Copy !req
121. Greek tragedy.Copy !req
122. Testiclese.Copy !req
123. That's the game, right there.Copy !req
124. How do you top
a good Greek play on words like that?Copy !req
125. You can't. I'll give you 2000 points
just for that. That was great.Copy !req
126. Now, let's go on to a game called
Dating-Service Video. This is for all of you.Copy !req
127. Ryan, colin, you're gonna use that box
of hats. You guys will use this box.Copy !req
128. And using hats, you'll come up with
as many ways possible...Copy !req
129. of the world's worst
dating-service video.Copy !req
130. Ryan and colin, whenever you're ready,
go ahead.Copy !req
131. I tried to get all fancied up for you.Copy !req
132. Too much moose?Copy !req
133. I'm from Minnesota.
We have come for your women.Copy !req
134. The last time I fourscored
was 20 years ago.Copy !req
135. I'm not necessarily looking for a date,
but I can get you one.Copy !req
136. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
137. There's only one way to find out.Copy !req
138. They're always after me Lucky charms.Copy !req
139. I will have you on a boat,
I will have you with a goat.Copy !req
140. On a boat with a goat, I don't care.Copy !req
141. Yes, captain, I'd like some booty.Copy !req
142. We're gonna go on a date. I'll see you
next Thursday night on that date!Copy !req
143. You be there!
I'll be there on that date!Copy !req
144. Oh, I'm gonna be there!Copy !req
145. My name's Mimi,
and I'll take anyone but that Drew carey.Copy !req
146. That's it. Thank you. Thank you very much.
We're gonna take a short commercial break.Copy !req
147. We'll be right back with more Whose Line
ls It Anyway? Don't go anywhere.Copy !req
148. Hello. Welcome back
to Whose Line ls It Anyway?Copy !req
149. where everything's made up
and the points don't matter.Copy !req
150. Hey, we have a special supplement
in the TV Guide.Copy !req
151. Now, let's go to a game called
Weird Newscasters.Copy !req
152. This is for all of you. Colin,
you're the anchorman of a news show.Copy !req
153. And the rest of you are gonna help him out.
Greg, you're the co-anchor.Copy !req
154. And you are captain Kirk.Copy !req
155. Wayne, you're gonna do the sports.Copy !req
156. You're on a videotape
that's speeding up and slowing down.Copy !req
157. And, Ryan, you're doing the weather.Copy !req
158. You're an excited rock star
in front of a big crowd.Copy !req
159. So whenever you hear the music,
colin, take it away.Copy !req
160. Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm Burn Nightly.Copy !req
161. Our top story today:Copy !req
162. And now, over to my new co-anchor.Copy !req
163. Please welcome captain Kirk.Copy !req
164. Stardate 59623.Copy !req
165. Spock, what is it?Copy !req
166. We've got to deliver the...Copy !req
167. news.Copy !req
168. Now, over to sports.Copy !req
169. Thank you. All right, folks.Copy !req
170. We know the San Diego Padres are kings.
They are sweeping everything.Copy !req
171. And it turns out they're...Copy !req
172. He hit the ball and it went far.Copy !req
173. And that's why he's gonna
be voted VlP...Copy !req
174. Well, now, over to weather
with Skippy Bartholomew. Skippy.Copy !req
175. Right, Los Angeles,
are you ready for some weather?Copy !req
176. One, two, one, two, three,
four days of sunshine ahead this week.Copy !req
177. It's gonna cloud up later in the week.Copy !req
178. And then you have rain on the weekend,
rain on the weekend!Copy !req
179. The weekend, the week—Copy !req
180. Thank you, Skippy.Copy !req
181. Well, that's the 6:00 news.
Please stay tuned.Copy !req
182. In most of the country, you'll be seeing
a very special Dukes of Hazzard.Copy !req
183. Until tomorrow, this is the 6:00 news.
Good night.Copy !req
184. I hate to say this,
but I wasn't really paying attention. Uh...Copy !req
185. Five hundred points okay with you guys?
All right.Copy !req
186. Let's go to a game called Greatest Hits.Copy !req
187. This is for colin, Ryan and Wayne
with the help of Laura Hall on the piano.Copy !req
188. colin and Ryan— colin and Ryan
are gonna be voice-over guys...Copy !req
189. talking about
the latest compilation album.Copy !req
190. Wayne is gonna sing snippets of the songs.
What we need from the audience...Copy !req
191. What was that up top? Postal worker.Copy !req
192. The name of your album
is Songs of the Postal Worker.Copy !req
193. Take it away.Copy !req
194. Hi. We'll return you to the 24-hour
Drew carey network in just a moment.Copy !req
195. But first, have we got a deal for you.Copy !req
196. For as long as there's been mail,
there's been someone to deliver it.Copy !req
197. That's just a fact.Copy !req
198. That's right, we've got over 300 hits
on a two-cD set.Copy !req
199. And, colin, these songs cover
every postal worker through the ages.Copy !req
200. That's right.
Let's listen to our first selection...Copy !req
201. that great Latin song "Mail."Copy !req
202. Because you see me when I goCopy !req
203. I deliver through the sleet and the snowCopy !req
204. I get this package there without failCopy !req
205. Thank God they came up with this word
It's called mailCopy !req
206. It's for meCopy !req
207. And who could ever forget that 1940s
boogie-woogie hit "Put it in the Slot"?Copy !req
208. Will you deliver something
For me, please?Copy !req
209. Will you deliver for me, please?Copy !req
210. Because I've gotta send it overseasCopy !req
211. Because it gets real hotCopy !req
212. Deliver to my boyfriend the mail
In the mail slotCopy !req
213. Put it in the slot
It's too bigCopy !req
214. It's a package, put it in the slotCopy !req
215. Give it to me because I gotta put itCopy !req
216. Gotta put it in the slot
You put it inCopy !req
217. You put it in the slot, you mail it
And you put it in the slot todayCopy !req
218. Hey, it's from my girlCopy !req
219. , Dear John,Copy !req
220. You know, colin, these cDs make great
gifts as well. Who could you give one to?Copy !req
221. Why, if I had anyone in my life,
it'd be them.Copy !req
222. Hey, why don't you buy one for me
this christmas?Copy !req
223. Sure. Like I'm made of money.Copy !req
224. But let's get back to some of the tunes.Copy !req
225. You know, one of my favorite artists
of all time made this little song.Copy !req
226. It wasn't one of her biggest hits,
but one of her finest.Copy !req
227. And that, of course, is Tina Turney's—Copy !req
228. Tina Turner's.
A close friend of Tina Turney's.Copy !req
229. Tina Turner's big hit
"Hey, Man, Tie Up Your Dog."Copy !req
230. I've seen you, Mr. PostmanCopy !req
231. With your bag that's really fullCopy !req
232. Look at my bootyCopy !req
233. It's been bitten by that pit bullCopy !req
234. Oh.Copy !req
235. Every day without failCopy !req
236. Me and my long legs deliver your mailCopy !req
237. So tie that pit bull upCopy !req
238. Before I kill it
Sing, TinaCopy !req
239. I kill it
Sing, girlCopy !req
240. Ruff, ruff, tie it
Ruff, ruff, tie itCopy !req
241. Ruff, ruff, tie your pit bull upCopy !req
242. You gotta, woof, tie it
Pit bull, tie itCopy !req
243. Pit bull, tie your pit bull upCopy !req
244. That's good, girl. That was good.Copy !req
245. we'll find out who the winner is.
The winner gets to do something with me.Copy !req
246. We'll be right back with more
Whose Line ls It Anyway?Copy !req
247. Hello, and welcome back
to Whose Line ls It Anyway?Copy !req
248. Uh, the winners tonight:
Ryan Stiles and colin Mochrie.Copy !req
249. Ryan and colin.Copy !req
250. And, uh, they're gonna do a little game
with me called Helping Hands.Copy !req
251. What happens is
we're gonna do a scene here...Copy !req
252. but Ryan cannot use his own arms.
He has to get arms from, uh, colin.Copy !req
253. What's our scene, Greg?Copy !req
254. "Ryan is a pet-care guru
teaching you how to look after his dog."Copy !req
255. - So, Ryan, glad to meet you.
- Mr. carey, nice to meet you.Copy !req
256. Watch your show all the time.
Very funny. Very funny.Copy !req
257. The very flamboyant woman,
I laugh at her all the time.Copy !req
258. The tall guy in that show is so funny.Copy !req
259. - Really?
- can't stop laughing at him.Copy !req
260. cracks me up.Copy !req
261. You gotta give him more lines.
He doesn't get enough lines.Copy !req
262. Okay, I'll see what I can do about it.Copy !req
263. You know, I'm worried about my dog, Fido.
I don't think he's eating right.Copy !req
264. Well, he's the sweetest little dog
we've had in years.Copy !req
265. - Why, you little—
- I'll hold him for you. I'll hold him here.Copy !req
266. I'm worried about how—Copy !req
267. Maybe you could show—
What's the proper way to feed him?Copy !req
268. Just hand Fido to me.Copy !req
269. And what we'll do
is we'll give Fido a nice relaxing bath...Copy !req
270. just to calm his nerves a bit.
There we go. He loves that.Copy !req
271. He loves that. He loves it, he loves it.Copy !req
272. Oh, maybe you should dry him—
You gonna dry him off a little bit?Copy !req
273. They don't like towels.
This is how they prefer it.Copy !req
274. - Fido's turning purple.
Give him a bone.Copy !req
275. What kind of treats would you,
like, recommend for Fido?Copy !req
276. Oh, well, you know what?
Dogs like many treats. Uh...Copy !req
277. - This is one right here.
- That looks like a regular, chunky dinner.Copy !req
278. This is a special dog blend
I make up myself.Copy !req
279. - Really? How does it taste?
- Oh, it's very—Copy !req
280. - It's very good. You want some?
- No, no, I don't want any.Copy !req
281. - I don't want any.
- Are you sure?Copy !req
282. - No, I'm positive. None for me.
- It's really good.Copy !req
283. None for me.Copy !req
284. - Oh, man.
- I can't get enough of it.Copy !req
285. Yeah, no. Uh, does he—? What kind of toys
do you recommend he plays with?Copy !req
286. He puts it in his mouth.Copy !req
287. - Yeah?
- Oh, he loves it. Loves it.Copy !req
288. - What other toys does he like?
- He's got his bowl of water.Copy !req
289. Do you have any suggestion for cats,
how to take care of cats?Copy !req
290. What do you know about cats?
Don't tell me about cats, all right?Copy !req
291. You don't like cats?Copy !req
292. It's not that I don't like them,
we just don't agree with each other.Copy !req
293. Oh, my God.Copy !req
294. Would you like something
to wash that down with?Copy !req
295. Yeah.Copy !req
296. - There you go. That's better.
- I've really—Copy !req
297. I've worked well with him.
I think I deserve a treat.Copy !req
298. Would you like a towel?Copy !req
299. Wow. That was good.Copy !req
300. Thank you very much. Thanks for watching
Whose Line ls It Anyway?Copy !req
301. See you later. Bye-bye.Copy !req