1. Good evening, and welcome
to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
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2. Tonight's performers: The man
with the dirty last name - Greg Proops!
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3. He's what's for dinner - Wayne Brady!
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4. The handsomest man in
Canada - Colin Mochrie!
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5. And his son - Ryan Stiles!
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6. And I'm your host, Drew Carey! Welcome to
"Whose Line"! Come on, let's have some fun!
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7. Thank you!
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8. And welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
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9. The show where everything's
made up and the points don't matter.
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10. Uh, how the show works is,
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11. uh, during the show we're
gonna ask our performers to
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12. come up and they're gonna
totally make up in front of you,
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13. ah, scenes based on suggestions that
we give them and the audience gives them.
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14. They've never seen, uh,
any of the material before,
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15. they don't know what's
gonna happen to them.
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16. It'll be really fun. And then I
award the points, based on my whimsy, and,
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17. uh, the points don't
matter, 'cause at the end
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18. of the show I just pick
the guy I like the best,
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19. and he wins, and then we get to do a
scene together at the end of the show.
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20. So let's get things started! Are
you ready to see the first game?
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21. The first game we're gonna
do, is called "Let's Make A Date".
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22. This is for all four of you.
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23. Ryan, Colin and Wayne, you're
going to be contestants on a dating-type
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24. show hoping to be picked by
Greg, who is lonely and desperate.
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25. And, ah, ha-ha, each of them has been
given a strange characteristic or ability.
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26. I'd like to remind you they
haven't seen these before;
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27. this is the first time they're
having a look at them.
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28. Oh, they're very happy.
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29. Greg's gonna question them about the,
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30. uh, chances of getting
a date, and then, uh, try
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31. to guess who they are at
the end of the, uh, game.
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32. All right? Any time you're ready.
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33. Contestant Number One. Hi!
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34. Hello, girl! Ha, ha, ha!
("Old blues player")
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35. You're a... you're a jolly sort.
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36. That's cause I don't let things get to me.
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37. Sometimes they might get
to me, but they don't get to me.
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38. Wow. Well, Number One, I love holidays.
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39. If I was a turkey, what would
you stuff me with?
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40. Aw, girl, that's pretty simple.
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41. I'd stuff you with croutons. Da-da-na-na.
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42. I'd stuff you with salt.
Da-da-na-na. I'd stuff you...
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43. Number Two! Hi!
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44. Hi! ("An excitable dog")
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45. You... y... nice lil'... hi. Are you OK?
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46. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
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47. All right... ok...
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48. Number Three, hi!
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49. Hello, it's nice to be here. ("Auctioneer")
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50. Hi.
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51. Hello, hello.
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52. Hi, how are you?
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53. Fine, thank you very much.
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54. Good. Listen, yo quiero lovin'. Hey, where
would you take me for a romantic evening?
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55. Ah, I suppose we'd go to a
movie, maybe dinner after
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56. that, dinner, uh, mashed
potatoes, uh, gravy, uh,
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57. I, uh, I guarantee you'll
have a great night, I'd have
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58. you home by 10, I hear 11,
I hear 12! Uh, I don't know...
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59. Thank you! Uh, Number One.
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60. Yeah girl, ha ha ha.
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61. I'm a late sleeper. What's it like for
you when you first get up in the morning?
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62. I think to myself, I feelin' low,
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63. and I need some lovin' to get me up.
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64. And I stretch, and I stretch,
and I think about you,
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65. 'cause there ain't no secret
to what you can do! Ha, ha!
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66. I love ya! Oh yeah! I love
ya! I swear! I love ya! Oh yeah!
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67. I'm growing fond of you
as well. Number Two.
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68. Huh, yeah, yeah, what?
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69. I like to keep in shape, and I
like to run around in the park.
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70. Me! Yeah, yeah!
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71. What do you do to.. To keep in shape?
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72. Same thing! Throw me the ball!
Throw the, throw the ball! Throw the ball!
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73. Number Three.
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74. Hellooo, hello.
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75. Hi. I like to go to those
discount restaurants, 'cause
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76. it's cheaper. How much
would you spend on a dinner?
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77. Oh, I couldn't say, I'd probably spend
5 dollars, 10 dollars, maybe 20 dollars,
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78. I just wanna impress ya,
I wanna impress ya, ah,
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79. as much as I can, I
wanna sleep with you once
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80. I wanna sleep with you twice, and sold!
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81. Uh, Pookie, would you like to guess?
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82. All right Drew. Uh, I think
Number One's a blues singer?
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83. Old blues singer, right.
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84. Number Two is a spotted
jackal from the Serengeti Plain.
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85. He's a, he's a dog!
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86. Yeah, an excitable dog, yes. A horny dog.
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87. And Number Three is
extremely hyper. I think
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88. he's a, uh, uh, an
auctioneer of some kind.
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89. Yes.
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90. That was great. Ah, 50 points to
Colin for sticking his tongue out so much.
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91. Uh, now we come to a
game called "Sound Effects".
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92. Uh, this is for Colin and Ryan.
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93. Colin, you're gonna improvise a scene,
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94. and you'll have to respond to sound effects
made by Ryan. Here's your microphone, Ryan.
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95. Thank you.
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96. And, uh, your scene is, you're an ambulance
driver on your first emergency call.
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97. An ambulance driver on his
first emergency call. Take it away.
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98. All that energy, all that
thought. That was brilliant.
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99. Unfortunately, that was
a non-scoring round.
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100. Awfully sorry. Uh, now we
go on to a game called "Hats".
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101. This is for all four of you.
Colin and Ryan, come
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102. get the first box of
hats here right in front,
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103. and, uh, Greg and Wayne, you're
gonna use the other box of hats.
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104. And, uh, this is a rapid-fire game,
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105. and uh, each of you has to, as fast as
possible,
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106. come up with as many examples of
the world's worst dating service video.
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107. The world's worst dating service video.
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108. Colin and Ryan, you're gonna start.
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109. I may TASTE like butter.
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110. I like to take things as they come,
and I'm all for letting our love grow.
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111. Just use your imagination.
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112. I hope you don't mind sand in everything.
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113. I'd like to ask you out, all
I need is a little courage.
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114. I'm just one flame looking for another!
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115. I'll be the best date you
ever had! And that's no "croc"!
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116. Uh, hi. I've been trapped on a
desert island for the past seven years,
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117. with a movie star and a
professor, and I need it.
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118. I'd like to take you out for a
few drinks, but... I'm a minor.
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119. I am predicting a lot of booty tonight!
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120. Come on, I'm horny!
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121. Dat's great! They call me Black Angus!
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122. I see great things in the future
for us. I know! I've got crystal balls!
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123. Mobuto like virgins!
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124. Thank you very much!
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125. We'll be right back with
more "Whose Line is"
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126. "it Anyway?" right after
this! Don't go away!
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127. Welcome back to "Whose
Line is it Anyway?", the show
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128. where everything is made
up and the points don't matter.
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129. Uh, I don't know how many
points to award because
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130. during the commercial I
was taking off my pants.
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131. That's right. OK, now we go on to
a game called "Greatest Hits".
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132. This is for Colin, Ryan,
and Wayne, with the
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133. help of Laura Hall on
the keyboards. Laura Hall.
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134. We just found her outside
before the show. Can you believe it?
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135. Uh, Colin and Ryan are, uh, TV
voice-over people,
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136. and you're gonna be talking
about the latest compilation album,
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137. and Wayne, you're gonna
sing snippets of the songs.
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138. What we need from
the audience is the, uh,
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139. uh, a kind of profession you
wouldn't normally sing songs about...
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140. Uh... Okay, I heard a lot of...
I heard a lot of "accounting".
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141. Don't know how you're
gonna do it, but good luck.
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142. Uh, the name
of your album is "Songs of Accounting".
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143. Hi! Sorry to interrupt.
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144. We'll be back to the 24-hour Drew Carey
Network in just a moment.
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145. But first we've got a special offer for you.
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146. You know, many people
thing accountants are boring.
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147. Isn't it?
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148. They are!
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149. But out of great boredom comes great songs,
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150. and we've come up with a
twenty-five-thousand-hour CD
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151. filled with songs of accounting!
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152. That's right, we have,
Colin. Many different songs.
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153. Who for - could forget that disco
favorite, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E I-R-S"?
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154. Get out! Get out!
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155. Listen to me, here's
a fact you will believe!
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156. You cheated on me, now
I want your ass to leave!
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157. That's right, none of this is funny!
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158. Just pack your bags, and
give me all your money!
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159. I said, D-I-V-O-R-C-E I-R-Ssss, yeah,
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160. I said, D-I-V-O-R-C-E I-R-Ssss!
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161. For me, that brings back memories of
big pants and shoes with fish in the heels.
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162. Enough about yesterday!
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163. Every song a hit, every hit a smack!
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164. But you know what?
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165. I even have a song on
this album! Remember that?
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166. You do not!
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167. But we don't have time to listen to it!
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168. What we do have time to listen to
is that great song from the swing era,
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169. "Your Love has Bankrupted Me."
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170. Because I would bet seven,
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171. Hoping that your love would
take me all the way to Heaven.
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172. But I guess when you
gamble you've got no luck.
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173. Your love has left me bankrupt.
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174. Oh, chap-ter eleven's of
the hot what I got it's hot,
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175. Chap-ter eleven's of the hot what I got.
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176. Oh, you got you, I got
me, ain't got nobody, see,
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177. 'Cause chapter eleven's what I am.
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178. Because your love has left me bankrupt!
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179. Why dontcha get out of here? Oh yeah!
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180. Hey, Colin!
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181. What Ryan?
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182. How much would you
pay for a 2-CD set like this?
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183. Oh, I don't know... 39 dollars?
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184. Unfortunately, it's $69.95!
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185. But, I was talking 39 dollars in a
foreign currency which doesn't... quite...
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186. Add up to more than that!
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187. All because the hits keep on coming!
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188. Who could ever forget that early
Rock and Roll favorite, "Deduct This"?
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189. Whoo!
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190. Here's something I know you see!
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191. You better better save all your receipts!
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192. Because you better save 'em,
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193. Because you'll do the best! Whoo!
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194. Because if you don't,
you save your receipts,
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195. An act they can't deduct,
you better believe me!
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196. Because, IRS, deduct this! Whooo!
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197. Deduct! You're screwed!
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198. Don't save 'em, now you're sued!
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199. Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, oh yeah! Whoo!
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200. Baby, you better deduct this!
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201. Man! Normally I'd give
Wayne all the points,
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202. but something about the
way Greg was tappin' his toes.
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203. That's right, baby, see me
in my trailer after the show.
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204. Now we're gonna play a
game called "Party Quirks".
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205. This is for Greg,
you're gonna be hosting a party,
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206. and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan, you're gonna be
the guests.
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207. Each of you has a strange quirk or
identity that's written in these envelopes.
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208. This is the first time they've ever seen
them, and, uh, what Greg has to do is guess
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209. what the quirks are.
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210. Ah, so Greg, why don't
you come over and start the party?
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211. Wayne, Colin and Ryan,
you line up over there,
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212. and I'll buzz you in
with the doorbell here?
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213. And whenever you're
ready, Greg, start the party.
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214. Yeah. It's a Spice
Girls party. Since they're
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215. missing one, I'm the
new one, Specky Spice.
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216. There's the bell!
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217. Hello, Wayne!
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218. ("In a slow motion fight scene")
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219. Can I get you a corn chip or somethin'?
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220. Hey, you just relax over there.
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221. Hi, Colin.
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222. Hi. How are ya?
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223. Have you met Wayne? He's... fighting
a series of bad guys in slow motion.
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224. He... thinks he's in a movie.
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225. Very good.
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226. Colin, can I get you a drink?
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227. Hello.
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228. Hey, Greg, that's OK.
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229. - Hello, Ryan.
- Hey, Greg, how... huh.
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230. I guess a game of Twister is
out of the question at this point.
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231. Colin, have you... uh...
Ryan, have you met Colin?
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232. He's a... he's a trapeze artist...
he's a high-wire act in the circus
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233. he, uh, he thinks he's in the circus...
he's a very unsuccessful circus...
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234. That's right.
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235. Is what he is.
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236. Accident prone circus performer.
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237. And who wants their bottle?
Who wants their bottle?
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238. Who was just born and is
a bizarre dog-like creature?
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239. A foal.
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240. All the points I have left go to
Ryan for sticking your face there.
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241. I couldn't have done that.
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242. Ryan "anything for a laugh" Stiles.
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243. Remember... That's how I got the
job on that other show, remember?
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244. That's right... sshhh!
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245. All right, hey!
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246. Stay tuned, when we come
back we'll find out who the
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247. winner is, they'll play a
little improv game with me,
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248. and... watch these commercials. Stay
tuned for more "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
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249. Hey, welcome back to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
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250. Tonight's winner,
Wayne Brady! Wayne Brady!
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251. Our big winner tonight.
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252. Wayne and I are gonna improvise a
scene called, uh, Foreign Film Dub.
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253. What's gonna happen is, you
guys are gonna suggest a foreign language,
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254. we're gonna fake it, and, uh,
Ryan and Greg are gonna interpret for us,
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255. and, uh, Colin's just gonna sit
there? Look busy?
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256. And, uh, let's have the name
of a language you'd like to...
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257. What'd you say? Farsi? Farsi.
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258. 'Scuse me?
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259. Farsi.
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260. Okay.
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261. They speak it in, er, in Iran.
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262. Oh.
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263. We need the name of a film title...
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264. "Banished on the Breezes".
"Banished on the Breezes" in Farsi.
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265. And, uh, you're gonna interpret for me,
and, uh, you're gonna interpret for Wayne.
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266. OK, ready? "Banished on the Breezes".
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267. Ach bai, mahama hai,
mahama Mahama hama hai!
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268. Huh. Everything is gone. The breeze
has caught and blown things away.
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269. Ai-lalalalalalalah!
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270. I think my camel is dead.
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271. Oob-booley li I-I-I-I-I-I-I chik-chik-chiwa.
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272. Our village! It is gone! And all you can
do is just stand there and go, "I-I-I-I-I"?
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273. Ach-vevach-Avah.
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274. Ohh, we're going to miss "Baywatch"!
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275. Do-do-do-do kabach-aido-hayyyyy... ayyyy!
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276. I have constructed a
television set using these
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277. tin cans and a hand
drill that managed to stay.
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278. Auwa, aoowa, kabuki!
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279. Many years ago, I worked in a club.
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280. I cannot say what type.
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281. Yet, I am ashamed.
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282. Oop. Towtldllesit.
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283. I remember your dancing. You
went by the name of "Chhhhhh".
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284. Here is a scneif-nyick.
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285. It is the traditional money that I give
to the dancer who pleases me so well.
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286. Now dance! Clap, clap.
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287. Hey, thank you very
much! We're out of time.
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288. Thank you for watching "Whose Line is it."
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289. "Anyway?" We'll see you
again soon! Goodnight!
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