1. Hello.
Copy !req
2. Hi.
Copy !req
3. - Hello.
- Hey.
Copy !req
4. Okay, moving on.
Copy !req
5. What is this shit?
Copy !req
6. Oh— Uh, Hold there, please.
Copy !req
7. - But I am going home.
- It's just gonna be
for a few seconds.
Copy !req
8. We're just in the middle
of shooting something.
Copy !req
9. Very cool. What are we shooting?
Copy !req
10. - Dogs? Criminals?
- Cut.
Copy !req
11. I'm not allowed to say,
but what—
Copy !req
12. Adam, we're cutting.
Copy !req
13. Cut! Brad, can you go to two?
Copy !req
14. Who is Brad?
Copy !req
15. Brad's 10-1, copy. Okay.
Copy !req
16. 10'1"! What a tall fellow
this Brad is.
Copy !req
17. Copy. All right, we're moving
to the dolly shot!
Copy !req
18. Dolly? Nadja would be devastated
if her dolly was shot.
Copy !req
19. No, I must intervene.
Copy !req
20. No. We're going again.
Copy !req
21. Shit, shit, shit.
Shitty, shitty, shit.
Copy !req
22. Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, we are under attack.
Copy !req
23. A militia has assembled
on our territory.
Copy !req
24. - I know!
- It's not a militia.
Copy !req
25. They're just filming a TV show.
Copy !req
26. Well, this TV show
has invaded our territory.
Copy !req
27. They are attacking us
with their trucks
Copy !req
28. and their lights
and their gigantic Brads.
Copy !req
29. Nandor thinks
everything is a war.
Copy !req
30. Yet this time,
Copy !req
31. he's absolutely right.
Copy !req
32. It's called
New York.
Copy !req
33. It's a police procedural
in its fourth season.
Copy !req
34. "Detective Jack Mancuso
Copy !req
35. is brought to life
with deft sensitivity
Copy !req
36. by a never-better Cal Bodian."
Copy !req
37. "Brought to life"?
Who is this man?
Copy !req
38. Some kind of necromancer?
Copy !req
39. No. Worse. He's an actor.
Copy !req
40. Shit.
Copy !req
41. Now, wading down
into the comments.
Copy !req
42. "Winsomely compelling
copaganda," says C-Rob-69 at—
Copy !req
43. Oh, wait. That was me.
Copy !req
44. Drivel for the unwashed.
Copy !req
45. The Bard, how he weeps.
Copy !req
46. - What the blazes?
- Fucking
Copy !req
47. Why is there
a fucking truck in our garden?
Copy !req
48. Entering the property.
Copy !req
49. There's an enemy at the gate.
Hold the line.
Copy !req
50. - Shit. Guys, I'm so sorry.
- You good?
Copy !req
51. Yeah. I'm with the owners.
Yeah, same location.
Copy !req
52. Don't worry,
insurance is gonna
cover all this.
Copy !req
53. We should disembowel this guy.
Copy !req
54. - Let's fucking kill him.
- Quiet on set.
Copy !req
55. - We're rolling.
- Sorry.
Copy !req
56. - Sorry.
- Sorry!
Copy !req
57. Not bad. Not bad at all,
ya stud.
Copy !req
58. What are you up to,
you creamy snake?
Copy !req
59. All dressed up
like a bowl of millet.
Copy !req
60. I am getting ready to go
to a friend's house
Copy !req
61. for a dinner party,
Copy !req
62. thank you very much.
Copy !req
63. You don't have any friends.
Copy !req
64. Uh, yeah, I do.
Copy !req
65. I've got the Monster
and my boy, Joel.
Copy !req
66. Uh, w-what is a Joel? Joel?
Copy !req
67. I'm always talking about Joel.
Copy !req
68. We used to work together a few
years ago in the same office.
Copy !req
69. Pushing paper around,
Copy !req
70. - generally getting after it.
- Hmm.
Copy !req
71. Yeah, I love Joel. Could never
bring myself to drain the guy.
Copy !req
72. So why have we never
heard about him?
Copy !req
73. Well, he and I drifted apart
a few years ago
Copy !req
74. when he, uh, married Becky.
Copy !req
75. He has a very nice,
pinched face.
Copy !req
76. Anyway, he called me up
last week and was like,
Copy !req
77. "Hey, bruh. Wanna come over
for some grub, bruh?"
Copy !req
78. And I was like,
"Sure, bruh. What time, bruh?"
Copy !req
79. And he was like,
"Uh, 7:00, 7:30, bruh."
Copy !req
80. - Could I come with you?
- Um—
Copy !req
81. Why am I doing this?
Copy !req
82. Ever since I have been
working up the career ladder
Copy !req
83. at Cannon Capital,
Copy !req
84. I have been absolutely loving
Copy !req
85. my deliciously mild
human interactions.
Copy !req
86. And I really want the chance to,
you know,
Copy !req
87. practice my human small talk.
Copy !req
88. "Oh, hey, hon. Love that top.
Where is it from?
Copy !req
89. Online? Great. I love online.
Copy !req
90. My allergies are bonkers today.
Sneezing, sneezing, sneezing.
Copy !req
91. I think I'm gonna go low-key
for my birthday this year."
Copy !req
92. Or, "I did
the Harris Potter quiz,
Copy !req
93. and I got Slytherin.
Aw."
Copy !req
94. You know, I'm trying really hard
to get back to normal with Joel.
Copy !req
95. And I worry if I showed up
with a nightmare
Copy !req
96. in a Civil War ghost's dress,
it might freak him the fuck out.
Copy !req
97. I think it would make you
look like Mr. Bigs
Copy !req
98. from the Sexy City show
Copy !req
99. to have such a mouse woman
on your arm.
Copy !req
100. Squeak, squeak.
Copy !req
101. Eh. Fuck it, why not? Sure.
Copy !req
102. Yay.
Copy !req
103. - Gizmo!
- Guillermo.
Copy !req
104. Wake up,
you little prick.
Copy !req
105. Get the fuck up.
Copy !req
106. - What? What? Why? What?
- Invaders have just
rammed a hole
Copy !req
107. - in our garden wall.
- Sorry, I must've fallen asleep.
Copy !req
108. You need to get up.
Copy !req
109. We need weapons,
not this fancy-ass shit.
Copy !req
110. We are about to launch
a counteroffensive.
Copy !req
111. We need sickles
and scythes and weaponry.
Copy !req
112. No. Whatever this is,
Copy !req
113. it sounds like a bad idea.
Don't do it.
Copy !req
114. We're being invaded.
We will not go empty-handed.
Copy !req
115. We are about to conquer
a production
Copy !req
116. known as
New York.
Copy !req
117. - What? Are you serious?
- Oh, yes.
Copy !req
118. - Right now?
- Yes.
Copy !req
119. - Are they? Move!
- Wait!
Copy !req
120. - Guillermo, wait!
- Where? Where?
Copy !req
121. Guillermo, you cannot
take them on single-handedly.
Copy !req
122. No. Don't ruin this for me, okay?
Copy !req
123. That is my favorite show ever.
Copy !req
124. PIUNY.
Copy !req
125. It's the perfect
cozy, rainy-day show.
Copy !req
126. But it's so much more than that.
Copy !req
127. New York
is, like,
Copy !req
128. the crown jewel of the
PI Undercover extended
universe.
Copy !req
129. I mean, I love
the original PI Undercover
Copy !req
130. and PI Undercover: London,
but PIUNY, ah,
Copy !req
131. just hits different.
Copy !req
132. I mean, I've seen every episode,
like, 12 times.
Copy !req
133. Essentially, it's a meditation
on grief because
Copy !req
134. It's fantastic.
Copy !req
135. In fact, last summer I cosplayed
as Jack Mancuso
Copy !req
136. at the Philadelphia Comic Con.
Copy !req
137. All the subreddit haters were,
like, so jelly.
Copy !req
138. Gizmo, you sound like a fuckwit.
Copy !req
139. Do you think
Cal Bodian's over there?
Copy !req
140. Do you think he'll sign my zine?
Copy !req
141. My PI Undercover fanzine.
I've done everything myself.
Copy !req
142. I just took a guess
about the chest hair.
Copy !req
143. He wants a Cambodian
to sign his what?
Copy !req
144. Mmm.
Copy !req
145. Now, fair warning.
Copy !req
146. The stuff Joel
and I used to talk about
Copy !req
147. was not necessarily
family-friendly, so—
Copy !req
148. Like what?
Copy !req
149. - Eh. Just guy stuff.
- Like what?
Copy !req
150. - Don't worry about it.
- Tell me.
Copy !req
151. - I'll tell you later.
- No, tell me now.
Copy !req
152. - Boobs.
- Hmm.
Copy !req
153. They're here!
Copy !req
154. Hey!
Copy !req
155. There he is.
Copy !req
156. - What's up? What's up?
- Oh, my G— What's up?
Copy !req
157. This is look at him.
Copy !req
158. - The prodigal
cubicle-mate returns.
- Hey!
Copy !req
159. - Hi.
- Hello.
Copy !req
160. Thank you so much for coming.
Copy !req
161. This is Nadja, my girlfriend.
Copy !req
162. I have heard so much
about you, and wow.
Copy !req
163. Your top is so lovely and warm.
Copy !req
164. Reminds me of, um, PSL season.
Copy !req
165. Pumpkin spice latte.
I love those.
Copy !req
166. I never know
if people are on— on drugs.
Copy !req
167. - What— What is all this?
- Oh, Nadja, she's a YouTuber.
Copy !req
168. Huge, uh, YouTuber.
Copy !req
169. Search "Carrie Bradshaw walking"
and you'll find my channel.
Copy !req
170. - She films everything, you know?
- Hello.
Copy !req
171. - Mostly—
- Welcome.
Copy !req
172. - Oh.
- This is Becky.
Copy !req
173. - What the "hecky?"
Hi, Becky.
- Hello, Colin. How are you?
Copy !req
174. I'm well. How are you? Uh,
this is Nadja, my girlfriend.
Copy !req
175. Nice to pleasure.
Copy !req
176. Girlfriend. It's— It's lovely
to meet you.
Copy !req
177. I'm gonna go
check on the salmon.
Copy !req
178. I hope by salmon you mean wine.
'Cau I'm a woman. I love wine.
Copy !req
179. No, I meant fish.
Copy !req
180. Well, ladies to the kitchen, men
to the conversation.
Copy !req
181. You go do it, girlfriend.
Copy !req
182. Listen, I know you said
no gifts, but, uh,
Copy !req
183. - there you go.
- This is totally unnecessary.
Copy !req
184. But I ain't mad at it.
Copy !req
185. I'm surprised you actually
had time to have us over
Copy !req
186. with the season starting soon
Copy !req
187. and pitchers and catchers
reporting in, like, 11 days.
Copy !req
188. Go Mets, right?
Copy !req
189. You know what? I'm not even
really feeling baseball anymore.
Copy !req
190. Those fucking rule changes.
Copy !req
191. - It's a Mike Piazza
baseball card.
- Yeah, I didn't know.
Copy !req
192. - Is it signed?
- It is.
Copy !req
193. So, I spent the last two weeks
binge-watching every Mets game
Copy !req
194. from the past seven years.
Copy !req
195. Baseball is extremely slow,
even for me.
Copy !req
196. That's a lot of time
I'm not gonna get back.
Copy !req
197. So, baseball's out.
What are you into now?
Copy !req
198. - We watch Top Chef.
- Top Chef. Yeah, me too. Me
too.
Copy !req
199. - Cool.
- Where's your bathroom?
Copy !req
200. I need to do a
a number three.
Copy !req
201. - What?
- Ayo.
Copy !req
202. I don't un what's a three?
Copy !req
203. - Remember on our days
in the office?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
204. We would go down
to the third floor
Copy !req
205. to do our big smelly poos.
Copy !req
206. - I think I kinda remember that.
- Where's your bathroom?
Copy !req
207. - It's upstairs.
- Okay.
Copy !req
208. - So nice.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
209. A little kiss for my "banooney."
Copy !req
210. And one for me, my banana.
Copy !req
211. Act normal.
Copy !req
212. Your taste is just
Copy !req
213. Thank you.
I just like solid colors.
Copy !req
214. Hmm. Maroon.
Copy !req
215. Traveling to base camp.
You over at video village?
Copy !req
216. Let us storm their base camp.
Copy !req
217. And lay waste
to their video village.
Copy !req
218. - Last looks.
- Indeed they are.
Copy !req
219. - Et tu, Seanie?
- Hey, fellas.
Copy !req
220. - What the shit?
- I rent my bathroom out
to the crew.
Copy !req
221. He has succumbed
to the King's shilling.
Copy !req
222. Oh, come on.
I do this all the time.
Copy !req
223. You know how many movies
have wanted to rent
Copy !req
224. my little potty?
Copy !req
225. We have lost our greatest ally
to the other side. Let's go.
Copy !req
226. Think about
all the legendary piss
Copy !req
227. that's flowing
through those pipes.
Copy !req
228. Diane Keaton's piss.
Copy !req
229. Jim Carrey's piss!
Copy !req
230. Mike Barbooglio's piss!
Copy !req
231. The salmon smells amazing,
Becky!
Copy !req
232. I hope it's as good
as Tiffani Faison's
Copy !req
233. monkfish from Top Chef
season one.
Copy !req
234. Please let me help with, um,
the touching and the boiling.
Copy !req
235. No. No, you're fine. Just relax.
Copy !req
236. Tell me, how—
how did you and Colin meet?
Copy !req
237. Oh, yes. Uh—
Copy !req
238. Let us gossip like
two little brain-dead bitches.
Copy !req
239. Does, um,
Colin ever talk about me?
Copy !req
240. - No. That was stupid.
- You know men.
Copy !req
241. They don't talk about anything
Copy !req
242. - other than, "Ouch, my balls."
- Yeah.
They don't talk about anything.
Copy !req
243. - Yeah. Except Colin's
not like that.
- Scrotum. It's—
Copy !req
244. Oh. Yes. Sorry?
Copy !req
245. Colin's not like that.
Colin has never been like that.
Copy !req
246. Right. Okay.
Copy !req
247. Colin's not like other men.
He's really sensitive.
Copy !req
248. And that is why
he is my soft-boiled egg.
Copy !req
249. I'm very happy for you both.
Copy !req
250. Sorry. I
Copy !req
251. I don't wanna see
Colin get hurt, you know?
Copy !req
252. He's an incredible person.
Copy !req
253. I have used my brilliant powers
of deduction
Copy !req
254. to detect that Becky
is rock-hard in love
Copy !req
255. with Colin Robinson,
Copy !req
256. much like Carrie loved Aidan
in the Sexy City show,
Copy !req
257. which I have watched
every episode of.
Copy !req
258. Looks like you two ladies
could use some drinks.
Copy !req
259. Did you wash the lettuce
like I asked, Joel?
Copy !req
260. I was about to, yes.
Copy !req
261. So the answer's "no," not "yes"
if you didn't do it.
Copy !req
262. So the answer's "no."
Copy !req
263. Okay.
Copy !req
264. Cal Bodian
is still in his trailer,
Copy !req
265. probably preparing for
his first scene of the day.
Copy !req
266. He usually likes to get to set
Copy !req
267. and meditate
for an hour beforehand,
Copy !req
268. then he gets a snack.
Copy !req
269. Usually a muffin
and a cup of tea.
Copy !req
270. He's been sober for 17 years.
Copy !req
271. Oh, my God. There he is!
Copy !req
272. That's great guys! Thank you!
Copy !req
273. Oh, wow. You have your muffin.
Copy !req
274. So cool.
Copy !req
275. Do you, uh— Do you ever
read any of the fanzines?
Copy !req
276. Ah. Good evening, sir.
Can I interest you in a meal?
Copy !req
277. - A succulent Chinese meal?
- Wow.
Copy !req
278. I'm just saying that's where
the PIUNY community
really is, you know?
Copy !req
279. - Sure.
- In the zines.
Copy !req
280. Mr. Bodian,
would you come with me?
Copy !req
281. I have procured
several prostitutes
Copy !req
282. for your viewing pleasure.
Copy !req
283. - Oh.
- I will not kill you.
Copy !req
284. What scene is that for again?
Copy !req
285. Mr. Bodian, we're ready for you.
Copy !req
286. Okay. Thank you.
Copy !req
287. - Mr. Bodian
But the prostitutes
- What?
Copy !req
288. No, leave him alone.
Do not hurt Cal Bodian.
Copy !req
289. This is war.
Copy !req
290. Doesn't matter.
That man was not the leader.
Copy !req
291. But he is the main guy
on the show.
Copy !req
292. He is an actor, Nandor.
Copy !req
293. A simpleton who paints his face.
Copy !req
294. He is an empty-headed puppet
who thinks the world loves him,
Copy !req
295. when in actual fact,
he is nothing more
Copy !req
296. than a lapdog
begging for scraps.
Copy !req
297. - Yes.
- No,
he is not the leader.
Copy !req
298. That would be another devil
who pulls the strings.
Copy !req
299. The half-wit
they call the director.
Copy !req
300. Colin Robinson,
did you and Becky
Copy !req
301. ever have a thing
for each other?
Copy !req
302. What? No.
Copy !req
303. She and Joel
had some issues,
Copy !req
304. and I was
a good listener for her.
Copy !req
305. But that was only
because I wanted them
to get back together
Copy !req
306. 'cause Joel was so sad.
Copy !req
307. I don't know.
Copy !req
308. I think her vagina
is pulsing for you.
Copy !req
309. Don't fabricate drama
where there isn't any.
Copy !req
310. You wanted to come to this party
Copy !req
311. to see how
the normal people live.
Copy !req
312. Well, welcome to the wonderful
world of "normalos."
Copy !req
313. - Enough.
- I do not get you at all.
Copy !req
314. Halt. Where is your leader?
Copy !req
315. Thank you.
Copy !req
316. "AD."
Copy !req
317. - A director.
- Yes.
Copy !req
318. - Now I cut
the head of the snake.
- Go in.
Copy !req
319. Nice day.
Copy !req
320. Come on, Nandor.
Copy !req
321. What the fuck are you wearing?
Copy !req
322. That was actually
the second assistant director,
Copy !req
323. and he made me
production assistant.
Copy !req
324. They are short-staffed.
Copy !req
325. This is all good news.
Copy !req
326. - We can infiltrate them
from the inside.
- Yes, yes.
Copy !req
327. But first, I must go to crafty
to fetch taffy for scripty.
Copy !req
328. Oh, shit. Nandor,
you have been seduced
Copy !req
329. by the siren of show business.
Copy !req
330. - No, I'm infiltrating like
- Where's the PA?
Copy !req
331. - We're still waiting on
- whatever you said before.
Copy !req
332. Yes, go Nandor.
Copy !req
333. Yes, I'm just fetching it.
What is taffy?
Copy !req
334. Oh, no.
Copy !req
335. Uh, Sy— Uh, Strai—
Top. Top Gun.
Copy !req
336. Uh, Top Ramen. Top Chef.
Top— Top— Top hat?
Copy !req
337. - Uh— Wait.
Did you say Top Chef?
- Yes, I did.
Copy !req
338. - It was Top Chef.
- Nice one, dude.
Copy !req
339. Is it just me
or is it so hard to locate
Copy !req
340. a good,
trustworthy handyman these days?
Copy !req
341. - Yes!
- It is.
Copy !req
342. When we wanted
to renovate the bathroom,
Copy !req
343. I decided I'm just gonna
do it myself.
Copy !req
344. You did a bathroom reno
by yourself?
Copy !req
345. Yeah, I found
a guy out in Queens
Copy !req
346. Oh, brother. Here we go.
Copy !req
347. and he gave us
these beautiful vintage tiles.
Copy !req
348. - And—
- They're just tiles.
Copy !req
349. Do you wanna go to see it?
It's gorgeous.
Copy !req
350. Uh, yes.
Copy !req
351. - Good luck.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
352. - Is it dangerous?
- No, it's just boring.
Copy !req
353. Yeah,
I guess I'm a fucking idiot
Copy !req
354. 'cause I saved us a lot of money
and did a kick-ass job.
Copy !req
355. - What about that bathroom?
- Yes. Do you wanna see it?
Copy !req
356. - Yeah. Yes, I'd love to see.
- Okay. Great. Follow me.
Copy !req
357. Try not to miss me
too much, my love.
Copy !req
358. Sit here, Colin.
Copy !req
359. Right here.
I'm just kidding.
Copy !req
360. Hello, Colin Robinson.
Copy !req
361. Hello.
Copy !req
362. Is she, uh— Is she good to you?
Copy !req
363. - Who?
- Your girlfriend.
Copy !req
364. - Sorry. I hope
she's good to you.
- Oh.
Copy !req
365. You— You deserve it.
Copy !req
366. Yeah, yeah. I think, you know
Copy !req
367. Well, yeah, I think
we get along really well.
Copy !req
368. It's nothing as special
as what you and Joel have.
Copy !req
369. Joel? Yeah. Ol' Joel.
Copy !req
370. We've had our ups and downs
over the years.
Copy !req
371. Yeah. That'll happen.
Copy !req
372. When it does, I
Copy !req
373. I just remember
Copy !req
374. you were the only one
I could talk to about it.
Copy !req
375. Do you miss our talks,
Colin Robinson?
Copy !req
376. Yeah, uh—
Copy !req
377. Ready for you on set.
Copy !req
378. I think he is slumbering.
Copy !req
379. Go to two. Yeah, he's gone deep.
Copy !req
380. Cans? Anyone for cans?
Would you like some cans?
Copy !req
381. Some cans? Cans?
Fucking ignore me.
Copy !req
382. I already have cans on.
Copy !req
383. - You have cans?
- I have cans.
Copy !req
384. Sorry. Hi.
Copy !req
385. This one can for you.
Copy !req
386. - Sure I can't tempt you
with some?
- Do you see 'em?
Copy !req
387. - Anyone ask for cans?
- No.
Copy !req
388. Son of a
Copy !req
389. What the fuck are you doing?
Copy !req
390. Uh, we are not allowed to say
what we're filming, sir.
Copy !req
391. Also, we're trying
to clear the frame.
Copy !req
392. Would you mind following me over
by the snack table?
Copy !req
393. - Rolling! We are rolling!
- What?
Copy !req
394. All right. Shut up.
Copy !req
395. Out the way, fuckos. Fuck.
Copy !req
396. - Do you guys
wanna play Pictionary?
- Oh.
Copy !req
397. Joel, they don't wanna
play Pictionary. It's okay.
Copy !req
398. Well, I mean
if it's anything like reading
a dictionary, then yeah.
Copy !req
399. Yeah, I do.
Copy !req
400. Shit. Wait, what is
shit. No, no, no.
Fuck.
Copy !req
401. - Oh.
- How many times
have I told you to replace
Copy !req
402. the fucking smoke detector?
Copy !req
403. It's my fault, of course.
Copy !req
404. Come on, girlie. Smoked salmon.
Copy !req
405. More excuse for cream cheese,
am I right?
Copy !req
406. My salmon is fucked.
Copy !req
407. I love the smell
of burnt salmon.
Copy !req
408. Goddamn it, Joel.
You're a fucking failure.
Copy !req
409. Colin, can I ask you a favor?
Copy !req
410. Sure, Joel. Anything.
Copy !req
411. It's a little unconventional,
Copy !req
412. and so if it
makes you uncomfortable,
Copy !req
413. then you just tell me,
and I'll shut the hell up.
Copy !req
414. Stop. We go too far back.
Copy !req
415. I mean,
we're like Stephanie Cmar
Copy !req
416. and Kristen Kish
Copy !req
417. in the Seattle season
of Top Chef.
Copy !req
418. You know,
they used to be roommates.
Copy !req
419. Would you ever wanna—
Copy !req
420. - Do you think that—
- Just a town house.
Copy !req
421. Just go into this—
Just come with me.
Copy !req
422. - Just can
- The hallway.
Copy !req
423. Yeah, this is nice.
Copy !req
424. I need you to fuck my wife.
Copy !req
425. What?
Copy !req
426. I told you
it was a little unusual.
Copy !req
427. Is that something she would be
Copy !req
428. - Ravenous for? Yes.
- Right.
Copy !req
429. It's something
that keeps our marriage alive.
Copy !req
430. Strange request.
Copy !req
431. Yeah, okay.
Copy !req
432. Well, if it's any consolation,
I'll be there the whole time.
Copy !req
433. - I'll have eyes on you—
- It's no consolation.
Copy !req
434. - I have to go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
Copy !req
435. But just think about it, buddy.
Copy !req
436. Girlfriend, come here.
Copy !req
437. I think he might.
Copy !req
438. Sabotage.
Copy !req
439. It's "fuck things up."
Copy !req
440. I'm gonna fuck things up
for these people.
Copy !req
441. Chap in the white hat.
Now, he's the director.
Copy !req
442. He doesn't know his arse
from a hole in the ground.
Copy !req
443. The loudest man in the room
with fuck all to say.
Copy !req
444. Surrounds himself
with sycophants,
Copy !req
445. but nothing more
than a tin-pot dictator.
Copy !req
446. And he's nothing
without the scribe.
Copy !req
447. Now, that's the writer there.
Copy !req
448. The brains behind
the whole thing,
Copy !req
449. yet hugely underappreciated.
Copy !req
450. Socially not the best,
Copy !req
451. but she's the beating heart
behind the production.
Copy !req
452. She is the passionate soul
of the televisual medium.
Copy !req
453. - Sir, we are still rolling.
- What do you want?
Copy !req
454. - What are you doing here?
- I don't care what you— Whoa.
Copy !req
455. Where the fuck
did you get that sweated shirt?
Copy !req
456. This is for crew only.
Copy !req
457. Season 3 crew only,
to be precise.
Copy !req
458. Yeah, I can see that.
Copy !req
459. I want one of those
sweated shirts.
Copy !req
460. Well, you can't have one.
That's a cut! That's a cut!
Copy !req
461. I love that sweated shirt.
It is a remarkable garment.
Copy !req
462. As you can see, there's some
kind of flap at the back
Copy !req
463. which is attached to the neck,
which must be some kind of hood
Copy !req
464. to protect him from the weather.
Copy !req
465. On the front
looks like some kind of pouch,
Copy !req
466. which I'm guessing
is inspired by the kangaroo.
Copy !req
467. It's probably 50% polyester.
Maybe 40% cotton.
Copy !req
468. And the rest must be rayon.
Copy !req
469. But the biggest question I have
Copy !req
470. is why the fuck has he got
one of those and I haven't?
Copy !req
471. You're in the shot!
Copy !req
472. He's in the shot.
Copy !req
473. Dude,
you're in the shot!
Copy !req
474. He's fucked up.
Copy !req
475. You're still in!
Copy !req
476. You're still
in the fucking shot!
Copy !req
477. Go behind the bush.
Copy !req
478. All right. Fuck it.
We'll fix it in post.
Back to one.
Copy !req
479. You were right.
I-I don't know what to do.
Copy !req
480. I've wanted Joel's friendship
for so long, but at what cost?
Copy !req
481. Colin, just stick your beak
in his wife and be friends.
Copy !req
482. I just wanted a normal
relationship with him, you know?
Copy !req
483. And this is not normal.
Copy !req
484. I think it's probably time
to get you out of here, mister.
Copy !req
485. Come on.
Copy !req
486. Well, we better be off.
Copy !req
487. There's a Pilates class
I've been promising myself
Copy !req
488. I'll make in the morning.
Copy !req
489. No. Why don't you come
join us first?
Copy !req
490. There's plenty of room. Come on.
Copy !req
491. No, our dance card is filled up
for the evening.
Copy !req
492. What upset you?
Did my fucking idiot
of a husband say something?
Copy !req
493. Uh-oh. Was I bad?
Copy !req
494. Hey, Joel, maybe next week
we could go bowling?
Copy !req
495. - Yeah.
- That would be so fun.
Copy !req
496. That'd be great. Just boys time,
Copy !req
497. and then you come back
and fuck my wife.
Copy !req
498. Thanks for the grub.
That was swirl.
Copy !req
499. Hmm.
Copy !req
500. Okay, come here.
Copy !req
501. I say, Detective Mancuso
has soiled his trousers.
Copy !req
502. - His show pants?
- What? Yeah. It's ghastly.
Copy !req
503. Okay. We have doubles
on Cal's pants, right?
Copy !req
504. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Copy !req
505. I'm sorry that Joel turned out
to be such a depressing pervert.
Copy !req
506. I mean, I quite liked it,
Copy !req
507. but I know that you were looking
for a more normal,
Copy !req
508. less sexual friend.
Copy !req
509. Yeah.
Copy !req
510. Maybe humans
are such depressing,
Copy !req
511. weird freaks because, you know,
Copy !req
512. they try so hard to be normal
Copy !req
513. that they repress
all their most horny desires.
Copy !req
514. And then they just end up
squirting themselves to death.
Copy !req
515. Well, wise words.
Maybe you're a Carrie after all.
Copy !req
516. Lock it up. Hold there, please.
Copy !req
517. I'm so sorry, but no.
Copy !req
518. The hat? Oh, yeah,
that's from season 6.
Copy !req
519. We shot them back-to-back.
Copy !req
520. - What the fuck
are you doing in—
- Oh.
Copy !req
521. That gear is for crew only.
Copy !req
522. Hmm.
Someone's jealous of my swag.
Copy !req
523. Perhaps.
Copy !req
524. But there is one garment
Copy !req
525. that I know you will
never get your hands on.
Copy !req
526. Nandor, give me
that sweated shirt!
Copy !req
527. You shall never have it!
Copy !req
528. - Laszlo, get a grip.
- Good idea.
Copy !req
529. No!
Copy !req
530. - You're stretching it!
- Wouldn't be the first time.
Copy !req
531. Time-out, time-out.
Copy !req
532. What are we doing?
Copy !req
533. Chewed up and spat out
in true Hollywood style.
Copy !req
534. We need to rain hellfire
on these Hollywood pricks.
Copy !req
535. Drink the blood of the director.
Copy !req
536. Crush the balls of the best boy.
Copy !req
537. And whack all of the actors.
Copy !req
538. Yeah, let's do it.
Copy !req
539. Hey, you guys are still here?
Copy !req
540. We wrapped, like,
half an hour ago.
Copy !req
541. Happy trails, guys.
Copy !req
542. We did it. We fucking did it.
Copy !req
543. Well done, Nandor.
Copy !req
544. You know, sometimes
the best tactic in war
Copy !req
545. is to not fight at all.
Copy !req
546. You sound just like a writer.
Copy !req
547. - Onward!
- Yeah.
Copy !req
548. Meanwhile,
while Laszlo and Nandor
Copy !req
549. called wrap on their beef,
Copy !req
550. I couldn't help but wonder,
if we stopped saying cut
Copy !req
551. The Cal mobile.
Copy !req
552. would we all get
a little more action?
Copy !req
553. Hi, Mr. Bodian.
I'm just a huge fan.
Copy !req
554. I wanted to know if I can
take a picture with you quickly?
Copy !req
555. Now is not a great time.
It's not a good time.
Copy !req
556. It's just for my zine, actually.
Copy !req
557. - Have you read this?
- Hey!
Copy !req
558. Maybe if we
could ask our friends
Copy !req
559. for just
a little more quiet on set
Copy !req
560. Sign his program, you fucklord.
Copy !req
561. we'd end up
with a lot less drama.
Copy !req
562. You know who the fuck I am?
Copy !req
563. You think it's not gonna be
a problem for you?
Copy !req
564. Here we go!
Copy !req
565. Because even for
the biggest stars,
Copy !req
566. it's important
to stay grounded.
Copy !req
567. And that's
when I realized
Copy !req
568. it wasn't PIUNY
or show business,
Copy !req
569. or even Staten Island
that kept us all together—
Copy !req
570. Colin Robinson.
Copy !req
571. Shut fuck up.
Copy !req
572. Oh, file saved.
Copy !req
573. There he is.
That's the street right here.
Copy !req
574. That's where they shoot
Copy !req
575. Took your time, Mancuso.
Copy !req
576. This looks bad.
Copy !req
577. Bad? We just found
six more inside.
Copy !req
578. Son of a bitch. The Mob.
Copy !req
579. What the hell?
Copy !req
580. I guess I know
where I'm going next.
Copy !req
581. - Where's that?
- Was that—
Copy !req
582. - Undercover.
- Never mind.
Copy !req