1. All I was saying was,Copy !req
2. for once, I agree with Gizmo.Copy !req
3. You do overuse
the vampiric hypnosis.Copy !req
4. - What? And you don't?
- I don't need to.Copy !req
5. I can rely on my wit and wisdom,
not cheap tricks and gambits.Copy !req
6. Electrical audio recording.Copy !req
7. Testing. One, two and...Copy !req
8. My point being,
I can wander about these humansCopy !req
9. without having
to resort to hypnosis.Copy !req
10. I'm a student
of the human condition,Copy !req
11. a psychological chameleon,
one might say.Copy !req
12. Well, one might also sayCopy !req
13. that you have hypnotized your
best friend Sean many times.Copy !req
14. Yeah, to clear up your mess,
but I don't say anythingCopy !req
15. that causes Sean
any kind of alarm.Copy !req
16. In fact, if you talk to Sean,
he'll tell youCopy !req
17. I'm just one of the guys.Copy !req
18. Well, he's my friend, too.Copy !req
19. That's 'cause he's a nice guy,Copy !req
20. which makes it
doubly embarrassingCopy !req
21. when you say dumb shit like,Copy !req
22. "I am a vampire,
I've lived for 2,000 years.Copy !req
23. "I like to suck-a the blood.Copy !req
24. "Oh, shit. I fucked up.Copy !req
25. I'll now have to hypnotize
the whole fucking world."Copy !req
26. - I don't do that.
- You do do that.Copy !req
27. You just said "Doo doo."Copy !req
28. Touché.
Can we get on with this?Copy !req
29. I am not imagining anything.Copy !req
30. Something is going very tits up
with my life.Copy !req
31. - In what ways?
- I don't know, Colin Robinson.Copy !req
32. How about, my nightclub
got destroyed by fire?Copy !req
33. - Which you set.
- I was drinkingCopy !req
34. liquor blood every day
for months.Copy !req
35. I know, my darling, but we did
all tell you to slow down.Copy !req
36. - Slow down.
- We did tell you to slow down.
- And no one,Copy !req
37. none of you told me
to slow down!Copy !req
38. - Uh...
- And now, my poor,
precious little dollyCopy !req
39. has got her body all mangled
and minced up.Copy !req
40. You did that by sitting on me.Copy !req
41. While you were drunk
on liquor blood.Copy !req
42. After we told you to slow down.Copy !req
43. - Yes.
- This is never going to end.Copy !req
44. Now, now, Nadja. There, there.
It is going to end.Copy !req
45. And I have just the thing
that's going to help you.Copy !req
46. Don't tell me, Nandor. Hypnosis.Copy !req
47. Uh...Copy !req
48. Hypnosis seems
to be Nandor's solutionCopy !req
49. to every problem.Copy !req
50. And as a fellow vampire,
I find this artless,Copy !req
51. and even embarrassing.Copy !req
52. You plan to hypnotize my wife
free of all her woes?Copy !req
53. - No, actually.
- Really?Copy !req
54. What was it then?Copy !req
55. You know what?
The atmosphere in this room...Copy !req
56. - Hey...
- ... is not really conducive
to positiveCopy !req
57. contributions,
so just forget it.Copy !req
58. Surprise!Copy !req
59. I'm back.Copy !req
60. - Were you gone?
- Yes.Copy !req
61. I was gone for a while.Copy !req
62. I have been
sitting over thereCopy !req
63. at the Vampiric Council headquartersCopy !req
64. wondering if you guys were going
to come back.Copy !req
65. After a while, I just decided,Copy !req
66. "Maybe they forgot
I even exist!"Copy !req
67. Says here we're on trackCopy !req
68. for a higher than usual level
of precipitation this month.Copy !req
69. - No doubt.
- Mm.Copy !req
70. So, what did I miss?Copy !req
71. What's the old gang
been up to, huh?Copy !req
72. Actually, I'm going to sit
in that chair in a few minutes.Copy !req
73. No problemo.
It's more comfortable over here.Copy !req
74. Any fun activities planned
for tonight?Copy !req
75. Yes, we're off
for a night on the townCopy !req
76. - with Sean and his friends.
- Ha, ha!Copy !req
77. Is this like a
"Come one, come all" type deal?Copy !req
78. Uh, not sure.Copy !req
79. I'll give you a ring
when I get there.Copy !req
80. All right.Copy !req
81. But you don't have a phone.Copy !req
82. That was weird, right?Copy !req
83. I know it's hard
to break into a vampire clique.Copy !req
84. Oh, no. What happened
to your little body?Copy !req
85. - She sat on me.
- No.Copy !req
86. They've never invited me
to live in the house.Copy !req
87. Apparently, they are not allowed
to have a fifth vampire here,Copy !req
88. due to some zoning regulationCopy !req
89. that I have never heard of.Copy !req
90. I was never muchCopy !req
91. of a wine guy
when I was younger.Copy !req
92. - Same.
- But that's 'causeCopy !req
93. we were drinking to get drunk.Copy !req
94. Now that we're older,Copy !req
95. you know, you can appreciate
the concept of moderation.Copy !req
96. Or Charmaine told you
you better start appreciating itCopy !req
97. if you don't want
to keep sleepingCopy !req
98. on an army cot in the garage.Copy !req
99. - Come on.
- Whoa. Why you got
to bring that up?Copy !req
100. Wine can of their wits
the wise beguile,Copy !req
101. make a sage frolic,
and the serious smile.Copy !req
102. Whoa! We got a fucking poet
over here.Copy !req
103. Classic Laz.Copy !req
104. Now I'd like to claim that
as my own,Copy !req
105. it was actually written
a long time ago by Homer.Copy !req
106. Oh. Homer's great.Copy !req
107. - Yeah. D'oh!
- Yeah. D'oh.Copy !req
108. Yes!Copy !req
109. Wine is very cool.Copy !req
110. Um...Copy !req
111. That was... Nandor.Copy !req
112. - Hmm.
- Oh, me. But seriously,Copy !req
113. yeah, how come you guys
never drink?Copy !req
114. I mean, I don't think I've ever
seen you guys take a sipCopy !req
115. of nothing ever.Copy !req
116. - Uh...
- Never?Copy !req
117. - No?
- No.Copy !req
118. What's up with that?Copy !req
119. Actually, uh,
I drink lots of fluids.Copy !req
120. - Oh.
- Red fluids.Copy !req
121. If Nandor were to engage his
brain just once before speaking,Copy !req
122. he would not fall back
on hypnosis.Copy !req
123. Much like your wine.Copy !req
124. - Except it is not wine.
- Hmm.Copy !req
125. Okay.Copy !req
126. - What is it then?
- Um...
- Um...Copy !req
127. I don't know why I said that.Copy !req
128. A real vampire usesCopy !req
129. wit, wisdom and charm.Copy !req
130. What he's trying to say is,
um, he's moreCopy !req
131. of a Red Bull and vodka guy.Copy !req
132. - Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh!Copy !req
133. - Yeah.
- Yes, yes.Copy !req
134. The reason
you don't see us drinking is,Copy !req
135. 'cause we pre-gamed
before we got here very heavily.Copy !req
136. There you go.
Budget conscious.Copy !req
137. And you never see us
eat anythingCopy !req
138. 'cause I don't want
what's going down thereCopy !req
139. to come back up here
and across your stupid faces.Copy !req
140. Yeah!Copy !req
141. See? Little charm goes
a long way.Copy !req
142. That was close.Copy !req
143. And on top of thisCopy !req
144. bag of shit things
that keep happening to me,Copy !req
145. I've got no one
to talk to about it.Copy !req
146. I am here.Copy !req
147. Yes, yes,
but you know what I mean.Copy !req
148. I have got absolutely no really
close female friends anymore.Copy !req
149. None?Copy !req
150. Nope. Go figure.Copy !req
151. I just felt likeCopy !req
152. we had gotten closerCopy !req
153. with the nightclub
and everything,Copy !req
154. and...Copy !req
155. So you're telling meCopy !req
156. you have no close
female friends?Copy !req
157. None at all.Copy !req
158. What do I got to do?Copy !req
159. It's got an ass-load of terroir.Copy !req
160. - What the fuck do you know,
terroir?
- What do you mean?Copy !req
161. Nandor, uh, I don't know
whether you've noticed,Copy !req
162. but Gizmo seems
a bit odd lately.Copy !req
163. Yeah, I mean,
he's been a bit distant lately,Copy !req
164. but I think it's becauseCopy !req
165. I haven't given him
enough shit work.Copy !req
166. You know what it's like
with familiars.Copy !req
167. If you don't give them
enough shit work,Copy !req
168. then they have too much timeCopy !req
169. to contemplate
their own pathetic existences.Copy !req
170. I think
it might be something else.Copy !req
171. I have a theory, but I could
just be imagining things.Copy !req
172. I don't understand
what's taking so long.Copy !req
173. How long did it take when
you were made into a vampireCopy !req
174. to fully, you know,
become a vampire?Copy !req
175. For me it was, like,
six to eight hours,Copy !req
176. but as with all things,
your mileage may vary.Copy !req
177. It's been three weeks.
Why am I not a vampire?Copy !req
178. - I should be a vampire by now.
- Maybe you are one,Copy !req
179. and you just don't realize it.Copy !req
180. Okay, hang on.
Have you tried this?Copy !req
181. Form of... Microchiroptera.Copy !req
182. No.Copy !req
183. I can't do that. If I could
do that, I wouldn't be here.Copy !req
184. - Have you tried?
- Yes, of course, I've tried.Copy !req
185. Try now.Copy !req
186. Okay.Copy !req
187. Bat.Copy !req
188. Whoa! That is some freaky shit.Copy !req
189. - Hey, Derek?
- Toilets!Copy !req
190. - It's overflowing.
- Yeah, um, I've got to...Copy !req
191. Hold that thought.Copy !req
192. - Derek!
- Coming.Copy !req
193. - Ugh.
- All right.Copy !req
194. I think
I have everything we need.Copy !req
195. For what?Copy !req
196. All these troubles
you're having—Copy !req
197. I hate to say it,
but I think it might be...Copy !req
198. a hex.Copy !req
199. Do you mean, like, a curse?Copy !req
200. No, no, curses are just
supernatural excusesCopy !req
201. people make up for being losers.Copy !req
202. Hexes, on the other hand—
that's a real thing.Copy !req
203. Targeted harassment brought on
by your own past actions.Copy !req
204. - Right.
- Let's just rule it out.Copy !req
205. Is there anyone in your life,Copy !req
206. current or past,
that you have treated unkindly?Copy !req
207. - Nope.
- No one?Copy !req
208. - No.
- Never?Copy !req
209. - No.
- No one?Copy !req
210. Nope.Copy !req
211. - Oh, that's the way.
- Please stop fucking doing that.Copy !req
212. - Why? Why?
- What's wrong with you?Copy !req
213. Hey, hey, hey, hey, boys.Copy !req
214. Why don't we just play nice?Copy !req
215. No, it's bullshit.Copy !req
216. That's a fucking
eight-dollar bottle of wine,Copy !req
217. and he's putting ice in it!Copy !req
218. That's what they do in France!Copy !req
219. - Come on. Marone.
- Easy now, fellows.Copy !req
220. Mikey's right.
That is what they do in France.Copy !req
221. What the fuck do you know
from fucking France?Copy !req
222. Oh! My cousin is from France.Copy !req
223. Your cousin is
from fucking Quebec!Copy !req
224. - How dare you.
- But I'm right, ain't I?Copy !req
225. - Ain't I? Huh?
- Quit doing the fucking
chin thing.Copy !req
226. - Fuck you.
- Get the fuck out of—Copy !req
227. Hey... stop it!Copy !req
228. - Stop it!
- Shouldn't we, uh...?Copy !req
229. No, I think
let them just carry on.Copy !req
230. - They're having a great time.
- You know, I thinkCopy !req
231. Céline Dion is from Quebec.Copy !req
232. Céline who?Copy !req
233. Céline Dion.Copy !req
234. I don't know who she is.Copy !req
235. - Vegas showgirl, singer type.
- Is she good?Copy !req
236. Fucking bring it!Copy !req
237. Fuck you!Copy !req
238. - That's not good.
- No it's not.Copy !req
239. That's not good at all.Copy !req
240. All right,
nothing to see here, everyone.Copy !req
241. - Maybe we should,
uh, skedaddle.
- Yeah.Copy !req
242. - Whoops.
- You really got me.Copy !req
243. - Oh.
- Sorry for the ruckus, Jimmy.Copy !req
244. - Not my name.
- We'll get this cleaned upCopy !req
245. and squared away in no time.Copy !req
246. I think
she's calling the police.Copy !req
247. Why don't you hypnotize them,
Nandor? You're so fond of that.Copy !req
248. I don't think
that will be necessary.Copy !req
249. Maybe you fellas
should apologize to Jimmy.Copy !req
250. - Not my name.
- Sorry, Jimmy.
- And offerCopy !req
251. - to pay for the window.
- Yo!Copy !req
252. - Shit.
- Who the fuck'sCopy !req
253. - this bonanza?
- Oh, go, go, go!Copy !req
254. - What's going on here, fellas?
- Officer, thank goodness.Copy !req
255. This window— it exploded,Copy !req
256. and it nearly blew the asses
off these guys.Copy !req
257. - What guys?
- These guys. The, uh...Copy !req
258. Uh...Copy !req
259. - Need some help?
- No, I got this.Copy !req
260. There were these guys.
This much we know.Copy !req
261. But there was also this window,Copy !req
262. - and the, uh...
- Mikey?Copy !req
263. - I...
- Oh, fuck off, Terry.
It was an accident.Copy !req
264. Whatever, Mikey.
I'm filing a report.Copy !req
265. Hold on there. Do you two fellas
know each other?Copy !req
266. Yeah, Terry, Seany,Copy !req
267. Frank and I— we all went
to high school together.Copy !req
268. Oh, so this is Terry?
These fellas— they speakCopy !req
269. very highly of you.Copy !req
270. - This guy?
Get the fuck out of here.
- No.Copy !req
271. It's absolutely true.Copy !req
272. I've waited a long timeCopy !req
273. to meet the world-famous
Terry from high school.Copy !req
274. And now I have,
and I'll tell you something.Copy !req
275. I'm not disappointed.Copy !req
276. - For real?
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
277. - Shit. That's good.
- Just a bit of charm.Copy !req
278. And I'll wagerCopy !req
279. not many constables could think
of a creative way outCopy !req
280. of this particular predicament,Copy !req
281. and that's because
they're not Terry.Copy !req
282. Sean, I don't know
what you're doing down there,Copy !req
283. but it doesn't look
like a good idea.Copy !req
284. Hey, Terry, see you next fall.Copy !req
285. - Come on, book it. Let's go.
- Shit.Copy !req
286. - All right.
- Eat shit and die, Terry.Copy !req
287. Where did you get
those chains?Copy !req
288. - From the car.
- What car?Copy !req
289. - Right over here!
- Here.Copy !req
290. Get in, losers!
We're going shopping!Copy !req
291. No, no, no, no, no,
don't steal my car!Copy !req
292. You stole my car back in school!Copy !req
293. You sold me that piece of shit!Copy !req
294. Drive on, motherfuckers.Copy !req
295. Eat shit, Terry!Copy !req
296. Am I needed for this bit,Copy !req
297. or can I just take a nap
while you do your—Copy !req
298. Shh! Honestly.Copy !req
299. It's this way?Copy !req
300. Is it this way?
I'm listening.Copy !req
301. No, no. Oh.Copy !req
302. Oh, oh, oh, oh.Copy !req
303. It's here.Copy !req
304. - Is this yours?
- No,Copy !req
305. but, no, I know this woman.Copy !req
306. This is Yiaya Neikia.
In Antipaxos,Copy !req
307. this is a very bad-luck woman.Copy !req
308. A real shit-stirrer.Copy !req
309. How did this get here?Copy !req
310. That ought to do it.Copy !req
311. Oh, my.Copy !req
312. What?Copy !req
313. Oh.Copy !req
314. This shriveled bitch!Copy !req
315. Now that really ought
to do it.Copy !req
316. Um...Copy !req
317. - Oh, my...
- What?Copy !req
318. Ew-kay.Copy !req
319. This is a little bit
really bad, isn't it?Copy !req
320. Didn't feel a thing.Copy !req
321. Think I went out of bounds.Copy !req
322. Jesus.Copy !req
323. Everybody good?Copy !req
324. - Holy shit.
- Hey, look, I didn't even
spill my wine.Copy !req
325. - Nice.
- That was some GTA5 shit!Copy !req
326. Yo, yo, Mikey, Mikey,
you got a little cut.Copy !req
327. That's gonna be a good scar
in the morning.Copy !req
328. - Yeah. Go ahead.
- Say, boys.Copy !req
329. I've got a great idea.Copy !req
330. What say we... call it a night?Copy !req
331. Laszlo makes a good point.
Maybe we should all justCopy !req
332. - go home and go to bed?
- Oh! Look what I found!Copy !req
333. - Look what I found.
- Oh!
- Oh!Copy !req
334. - Nice!
- Breaker 1-9, Breaker 1-9.Copy !req
335. This is Rubber Duck.Copy !req
336. - That's a good reference.
- Yeah.Copy !req
337. - 10-4, yeah.
- That's nothing.Copy !req
338. Look what I found.Copy !req
339. Whoa.Copy !req
340. Why don't you
put that back in the car?Copy !req
341. Laz is right.Copy !req
342. We got to tell Terry about that.Copy !req
343. Cop's not supposed
to lose his gun.Copy !req
344. It's real bad.
I saw it in a movie once.Copy !req
345. Yeah, we should leave the gun,Copy !req
346. - go home and go to bed.
- Empty the bullets, dipshit.Copy !req
347. You know, that's a felony—
to have a loaded weapon?Copy !req
348. Very loud.Copy !req
349. What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
350. You told me
to get rid of the bullets.Copy !req
351. - I said, empty the clip!
- That's what I'm doing!Copy !req
352. See? Now it's empty,Copy !req
353. - idiot.
- Oh, shit.
Terry snitched.Copy !req
354. - Oh. Shit.
- We got to hit the bricks.Copy !req
355. Go, go, go.
Come on, boys, let's go!Copy !req
356. You're not coming?Copy !req
357. Well, if you want
to be a coward, Nandor.Copy !req
358. - Freeze!
- Put your hands up.Copy !req
359. - Hands where we can see them.
- Uh, no, not really.
I just thought maybeCopy !req
360. it's what you wanted to do. Hi.Copy !req
361. - Shit. There's a lot of them.
- Stay there, stay there.Copy !req
362. - Evening.
- Evening, gentlemen.Copy !req
363. I'm sure you're wonderingCopy !req
364. what are those two chaps doing
with one of our cars?Copy !req
365. Firstly, there were these guys.Copy !req
366. - Ah.
- This much we know.Copy !req
367. But, also,
there was this window.Copy !req
368. Uh...Copy !req
369. - Nandor, would you mind
if I dealt with this?
- Would you?Copy !req
370. Now, tell me something, fellas.Copy !req
371. Is it true what they say
about Staten Island policemen?Copy !req
372. - Well.
- Well.Copy !req
373. - You tried.
- Yup.Copy !req
374. Not one of my finest moments.Copy !req
375. I think
this could be a situationCopy !req
376. where hypnosis is warranted.Copy !req
377. I think you're right.Copy !req
378. Go ahead.Copy !req
379. No, well, you see,
there's a problem there.Copy !req
380. Um...Copy !req
381. I'm not very good at hypnosis.Copy !req
382. Sorry. I didn't catch that.Copy !req
383. I said, I'm not very good
at hypnosis.Copy !req
384. I never have been good at it,Copy !req
385. and I don't think
I ever will be.Copy !req
386. - Nonsense.
- Well, it's not.Copy !req
387. I mean, I can hypnotize Sean,
but only with your help.Copy !req
388. And only
'cause his brain's fucked.Copy !req
389. I should also admit that I've
been envious of your skills,Copy !req
390. which I think is the reason why
I take the piss out of you.Copy !req
391. Much as it pains me to say this,Copy !req
392. if anyone can get us out
of this situation, Nandor,Copy !req
393. I think it will be you.Copy !req
394. Okay, then.Copy !req
395. I will fix.Copy !req
396. Guards!Copy !req
397. So...Copy !req
398. I am hexed, which...
is not great.Copy !req
399. There is writing
on the hex picture,Copy !req
400. but I haven't read
the Antipaxon languageCopy !req
401. in hundreds of years, so...Copy !req
402. I am a little bit rusty.Copy !req
403. Could you maybe help translate
this pictureCopy !req
404. - using your gray box?
- Sure.Copy !req
405. So I had to get Colin RobinsonCopy !req
406. to help me translate
on his computer machine.Copy !req
407. And he told me something,
which, quite frankly,Copy !req
408. blew my mind apart.Copy !req
409. Or you could just walk down
to Little AntipaxosCopy !req
410. and have someone translate it
for you.Copy !req
411. Wh-Which? There is
a Little Antipaxos? What?Copy !req
412. Oh, yeah, not too far from here,Copy !req
413. just above Little Italy.Copy !req
414. That's the great melting pot
of America for you.Copy !req
415. - The broad mosaic.
- No, no, shut up.Copy !req
416. Are you saying
there is a Little AntipaxosCopy !req
417. right here on Staten Island?Copy !req
418. It's only, like,
a four-block-by-two-block area,Copy !req
419. but it's there.Copy !req
420. So much cheap crap and old fish.Copy !req
421. It's like looking out the window
of my childhood home.Copy !req
422. There is, in Staten Island,Copy !req
423. a neighborhood known
as "Little Antipaxos"!Copy !req
424. It is where all the AntipaxonsCopy !req
425. who come to America work
and liveCopy !req
426. and laugh and love.Copy !req
427. I'm Nadja.Copy !req
428. Three for joy.Copy !req
429. Look!
This is the beach of Voutoumi!Copy !req
430. I tried to lose my virginity
here so many times.Copy !req
431. Souvlaki. Stifado!Copy !req
432. The food of my youth!Copy !req
433. Of course
the Greeks stole it from us,Copy !req
434. and claimed it as their own,Copy !req
435. but the real heads knowCopy !req
436. that it originally came
from Antipaxos.Copy !req
437. I mean, it would be wrong
not to just try a little bit.Copy !req
438. Mmm.Copy !req
439. So worth it.Copy !req
440. You can still sell that,
I think.Copy !req
441. Thank you.Copy !req
442. Oh, this place.Copy !req
443. How fucking long
have we lived here,Copy !req
444. and you never thought to tell meCopy !req
445. there was a
Little Antipaxos neighborhood,Copy !req
446. like, half a mile
from our house?Copy !req
447. You never asked.Copy !req
448. Oh, look.Copy !req
449. A shitty diner just like
my theía used to run.Copy !req
450. Come on.Copy !req
451. What did he say?
What did he say?Copy !req
452. It is an Antipaxon thing.Copy !req
453. - What does the writing say?
- Oh, um,Copy !req
454. she says it says, "A simple actCopy !req
455. "of kindness, compassion
and friendshipCopy !req
456. will remove the hexes
that is on top of your head."Copy !req
457. Starting now, this a new me.Copy !req
458. Kind, welcoming, inclusive, sensitiveCopy !req
459. to the feelings of others.Copy !req
460. What, what?Copy !req
461. Oh, it's very complicated.Copy !req
462. I-I don't think
you can understand.Copy !req
463. No, I cannot say
I have heard of this before.Copy !req
464. - This fellow you speak of.
- Derek. Derek's friend.Copy !req
465. - Uh, you wouldn't
have met him.
- Yeah,Copy !req
466. - because he lives in Canada.
- Yes.Copy !req
467. Ah. So, he was turned
into a vampireCopy !req
468. by a vampire,
but does not yet seemCopy !req
469. to be a vampire?Copy !req
470. Yeah, that's about the size
of it, yeah.Copy !req
471. But, um, does that happen?Copy !req
472. Uh... uh...Copy !req
473. Neither of us have ever heard
of such a thing.Copy !req
474. - Mm.
- Mm. Okay.Copy !req
475. Oh. Could work, I suppose.Copy !req
476. - What could work?
- He says maybeCopy !req
477. repeat the turning process
with a different vampire.Copy !req
478. Of course, that could make
your friend a vampire-and-a-halfCopy !req
479. or a double vampire,Copy !req
480. but who gives a shit?
I don't know this freak.Copy !req
481. Let us see what happens
when you turn a vampire twice.Copy !req
482. Jonathan is my neighbor.Copy !req
483. He used to run his leaf blowerCopy !req
484. all the day long
while I was trying to sleep.Copy !req
485. So, I turned him into a vampire,
and now we're all good.Copy !req
486. - My Liege.
- Oh.Copy !req
487. How sweet. Arise, Jonathan.
We need your help.Copy !req
488. - Your wish is my command,
My Liege.
- Oh. Boop.Copy !req
489. Okay, so since
I already turned Jonathan,Copy !req
490. I guess, uh...
Yes, Derek, is it?Copy !req
491. - Uh, yes, sir.
- Right.Copy !req
492. Bite Jonathan and drink
some of his blood. Mm.Copy !req
493. - Okay, um... Hi. Uh, Derek.
- Mm. Mm.Copy !req
494. - Just gonna...
- Very good.Copy !req
495. Now Jonathan,
have a taste of Derek's blood.Copy !req
496. Ah, okay.Copy !req
497. Very nice.
Thank you, gentlemen.Copy !req
498. So... did it work?Copy !req
499. Ah, how are you feeling,
Jonathan?Copy !req
500. - Uh, I feel fine.
- Ah.Copy !req
501. I'm a little aggravated
because the motorCopy !req
502. in this here edge trimmer
keeps conking—Copy !req
503. So, at least now we know
one way that does not work.Copy !req
504. Huh.Copy !req
505. They really just gonnaCopy !req
506. let us walk out of here?Copy !req
507. How'd you pull that one off,
Laz?Copy !req
508. Actually, Sean,
it was I who, um...Copy !req
509. At ease. It was I who convinced
your good friend LaszloCopy !req
510. to, uh, use his notorious charm.Copy !req
511. - Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
512. Between us, Nandor, what did you
say to them back there?Copy !req
513. I just said that
we had solved all the crimesCopy !req
514. that Sean and his pals
had committed.Copy !req
515. And, also, I got themCopy !req
516. to give their friend TerryCopy !req
517. - a little promotion.
- Oh, really? Great.Copy !req
518. And, just for funsies,
I told themCopy !req
519. that I was
Captain Sully Sullenberger,Copy !req
520. and you were the gentleman
with the moustacheCopy !req
521. in that cop show that you like.Copy !req
522. Thomas Selleck in Blue Bloods?Copy !req
523. - That's it!
- Good move.Copy !req
524. - Look. There's Terry.
- Hi, Terry.Copy !req
525. - Terry! Captain Dumbfuck.
- Well done, Nandor.Copy !req
526. I think I'll just
have the tak...Copy !req
527. - Tak... tak...
- Tzat... tzatziki.Copy !req
528. - I'll get it. Tack...
- Tzat...Copy !req
529. Tacky. Tacky.
Uh, but without the, uh, yogurt.Copy !req
530. Halt!Copy !req
531. That was great.Copy !req
532. At ease.Copy !req
533. - At ease. At ease.
- Ah. There he is.Copy !req
534. At ease.Copy !req
535. - At ease. At ease.
- Hold on.Copy !req
536. No, no, no, I'm with them.
I'm with them.Copy !req
537. Gizmo, I need a word with you.Copy !req
538. - Okay.
- Coppers, fuck off.Copy !req
539. Yes, sir!
Thank you, Mr. Selleck!Copy !req
540. I think it's about time
you came clean.Copy !req
541. About what?Copy !req
542. Well, the others aren't
as observant as I am.Copy !req
543. But you've been off recently.Copy !req
544. And I've been watching you.Copy !req
545. - Uh-huh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
546. I think we got
a bit of a problem, Gizmo.Copy !req
547. The longer you keep it a secret,Copy !req
548. it's gonna remain a problem.Copy !req
549. I felt like I had
no other choice, okay?Copy !req
550. I mean, Nandor's been
promising to make me a vampireCopy !req
551. for 12 years, and it's
never come true, all right?Copy !req
552. So, like, Derek, he was
right there, he's a vampire,Copy !req
553. - so of course
I was gonna take— Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa.Copy !req
554. I asked Derek to make me into
a vampire, but I regretted itCopy !req
555. - the second
it happened because—
- What the fuck?Copy !req
556. I thought you said
you figured it out.Copy !req
557. No!Copy !req
558. I just thought
you had the shits.Copy !req
559. I was gonna tell you to steer
clear of the breakfast burritos.Copy !req
560. Too much of the chilaquiles.Copy !req
561. You let someone,
who isn't your master,Copy !req
562. turn you into a vampire?Copy !req
563. You fucking idiot.Copy !req
564. I know, okay, I know.Copy !req
565. And it seems to be taking
forever to take full effect.Copy !req
566. And I don't know
what to do, okay?Copy !req
567. So please,
please don't tell Nador.Copy !req
568. Tell Nandor?Copy !req
569. This is the greatest humiliationCopy !req
570. for any vampire.Copy !req
571. I don't know if he would
even survive it.Copy !req
572. All right, I've got an idea.Copy !req
573. But you've got to do exactly
what I tell you.Copy !req
574. Okay, yes, of course.Copy !req
575. Despite the fact that you've
already been bittenCopy !req
576. by a vampire, I could persuadeCopy !req
577. Nandor to bite you again.Copy !req
578. No one'd be any the wiser.Copy !req
579. I don't think that's gonna work.Copy !req
580. You don't?Copy !req
581. Well, then you're fucked.Copy !req