1. Once we clear Keasbey,Copy !req
2. it's a straight shot
down the Garden State ParkwayCopy !req
3. until we hit the Pine Barrens.Copy !req
4. And let me tell you,Copy !req
5. the Pine Barrens is
some forest primeval shit.Copy !req
6. Sean has invited us
to his family's cabinCopy !req
7. in the New Jersey woodlands.Copy !req
8. - The Pine Barrens.
- Which is the same thing.Copy !req
9. - For a weekend hunting trip.
- We vampiresCopy !req
10. do not hunt.Copy !req
11. Of course we fucking do.
We hunt humans.Copy !req
12. Does that count, though?Copy !req
13. Nothing wrongCopy !req
14. with a long weekend
away from the ladies.Copy !req
15. "We dem boys," am I right?Copy !req
16. - Yes.
- Indeed, but remember,Copy !req
17. Nandor and I need to be backCopy !req
18. no later than 5:00 a.m.
on Sunday.Copy !req
19. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have jobs
at the railroad.Copy !req
20. You're like
a broken record, Laz.Copy !req
21. Yes, we them boys
who work at the railroad.Copy !req
22. You know,Copy !req
23. that kid looks like the spitting
image of Colin Robinson.Copy !req
24. It's like Little Baby Dilbert
over here.Copy !req
25. Well, as we mentioned before,Copy !req
26. Colin Robinson
is the child's uncle,Copy !req
27. so according to genetics,
that story makes perfect sense.Copy !req
28. Yeah, whatever. Hey, cornbread,Copy !req
29. what you playing back there?Copy !req
30. - Oh, no. What the fuck...
- Oh, it's a game calledCopy !req
31. "Welcome to Bloxburg,"
and it's a game on RobloxCopy !req
32. and you can build your own houseCopy !req
33. or get a job like a pizza maker
or woodcutterCopy !req
34. or insurance adjust...Copy !req
35. You look very nice in the bath.
Look at you.Copy !req
36. - Thank you, honey.
- With the boys being awayCopy !req
37. on this hunting trip with Sean,Copy !req
38. it is just so...
niceCopy !req
39. to have the house
to myself for a change.Copy !req
40. To ourselves. There's two of us.Copy !req
41. Oh, yes. Of course.Copy !req
42. It's really nice to have
the whole house to myself,Copy !req
43. for once.Copy !req
44. Since Nandor, Laszlo, Nadja
and Baby Colin are all gone,Copy !req
45. I get to choose what I want
to do for a change.Copy !req
46. We really needed a break
from Laszlo, Nandor, Gizmo,Copy !req
47. and the small weird creatureCopy !req
48. that clawed its way out of
the abdominal cavityCopy !req
49. of our deceased
former friend Colin Robinson.Copy !req
50. It's rare that anyone
leaves me alone,Copy !req
51. so I'm gonna have my family
over tomorrow night.Copy !req
52. I've been putting it off
for, like...Copy !req
53. 12 years?Copy !req
54. This house, it can be
a lot of male energy.Copy !req
55. Oh.Copy !req
56. I mean, duh.Copy !req
57. So while they're off
in the forest,Copy !req
58. we will be having
a good, old-fashionedCopy !req
59. sloppy girls' night at home.Copy !req
60. Yes.
- And you know,Copy !req
61. I think the weekend will be
very good for the boys, too.Copy !req
62. Did you want to help
with the bags?Copy !req
63. I wasn't planning to, no.Copy !req
64. - Okay, thank you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
65. Laszlo and Nandor have been
bickering a lot recently.Copy !req
66. You know, for the past
one or two or...Copy !req
67. actually, about 80 years.Copy !req
68. You want to help with the door?Copy !req
69. I wasn't planning to, no.Copy !req
70. - Okay, thank you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
71. It's goodCopy !req
72. that they're going to have
a chance to reconnect.Copy !req
73. Put all the bags in there,
all right?Copy !req
74. Eesh.Copy !req
75. Now, that up there,Copy !req
76. I got that when I was 14.Copy !req
77. Took me nine shots,
but I got it.Copy !req
78. First time I ever saw
something die.Copy !req
79. But it wouldn't be the last.Copy !req
80. Well, marksmanship
clearly runs in the family.Copy !req
81. That's a very impressive
collection of firearms.Copy !req
82. Oh, yeah. Well,
it's mostly my granddad's.Copy !req
83. He started collecting them
when he bought the cabinCopy !req
84. from this Polish guy
he used to bowl with,Copy !req
85. you know, before the cataracts.Copy !req
86. It's always sad when a Polish
fellow gets cataracts.Copy !req
87. No, I think what Sean is sayingCopy !req
88. is that his grandfather
got the cataracts,Copy !req
89. which is why he could
no longer do bowlingCopy !req
90. with the Polish fellow.Copy !req
91. Actually, the problem was...Copy !req
92. No, no, hold on, Sean. No.Copy !req
93. The Polish fellow
got the cataracts,Copy !req
94. ending his bowling career,Copy !req
95. cutting his income,Copy !req
96. forcing him to sell
this cabin, clearly.Copy !req
97. The problem with LaszloCopy !req
98. is that he cannot admit
that there's somethingCopy !req
99. that even he does not know.Copy !req
100. He thinks that he knows
all things.Copy !req
101. And if there's one thing
I cannot abide,Copy !req
102. it is someone
who's a know-it-all-things.Copy !req
103. - Actually...
- If I could just
take a moment, Sean,Copy !req
104. I know a thing or two
about fellows,Copy !req
105. and I would say
it is more than likelyCopy !req
106. that the Polish fellowCopy !req
107. went bowling
with other fellows for funCopy !req
108. and not for his livelihood.Copy !req
109. Nandor's problem isCopy !req
110. he has a bird-sized brain
in a mammoth-sized body.Copy !req
111. - Wouldn't you say?Copy !req
112. Well, you see, that theory
betrays an ignorance...Copy !req
113. - Oh...
- ... for the many Polish fellows
that have done very wellCopy !req
114. vis-à-vis bowling
competition money.Copy !req
115. Agree to disagree.Copy !req
116. Boy, do your thing.Copy !req
117. Hey, Siri, search "Polish
bowlers top cash prize earners."Copy !req
118. Okay, I found this on the web
for "bowling PolishCopy !req
119. top cash prize earners."Copy !req
120. - Check it out.
- Yes?Copy !req
121. It's a Wikipedia page
for someone called Daria Pajak.Copy !req
122. Read the page.Copy !req
123. "Daria Pajak is a professional
bowling playerCopy !req
124. - from Poland..."
- From Poland.Copy !req
125. "... who competes on the
professional women's bowling..."Copy !req
126. - That's right, my boy.
- Shut up!Copy !req
127. - Hey!
- Very mature.Copy !req
128. Right.Copy !req
129. So, what are we doing?Copy !req
130. Time for a little hunting
of our own.Copy !req
131. The most dangerous game—Copy !req
132. - hunting humans...
- The hunters become the hunted.Copy !req
133. Fucking hell.
Stop interrupting me.Copy !req
134. - Eesh.Copy !req
135. I have recently been
experimentingCopy !req
136. with echolocation.Copy !req
137. - Hey, Lazzo, guess what?
- What?Copy !req
138. I need more Robux to buy
gamer wings for my avatarCopy !req
139. - because guess what?
- What?Copy !req
140. - I already have the Gamer Cloak.
- Enough.Copy !req
141. You're going to scare away
the humans.Copy !req
142. Silence is the hunter's
greatest weapon.Copy !req
143. And you're shitting all over it.Copy !req
144. Uh, can we go?
I'm on eight percent.Copy !req
145. You know, you're lucky
to have a guy like LaszCopy !req
146. - taking care of you.
- I guess.Copy !req
147. Sometimes I think that Lazzo
doesn't like me so much.Copy !req
148. Are you kidding me?
He loves you.Copy !req
149. He's always saying,
"I'm not gonna have you grow upCopy !req
150. to be a bald-headed,
energy-sucking bore."Copy !req
151. Huh, that's why my old man
wouldn't let me watch PBS.Copy !req
152. Do you think I'm boring?Copy !req
153. What? You got your little
computer pad,Copy !req
154. and a... stick.Copy !req
155. And a whole bunch of other
neat stuff, right?Copy !req
156. What else do you like doing?Copy !req
157. Well, I like to go
into the basement in the houseCopy !req
158. and smash holes
into the wall with a hammer.Copy !req
159. Like, really hard.Copy !req
160. Just over and over again.Copy !req
161. Just smashing and smashingCopy !req
162. and smashing,
and I can't help it.Copy !req
163. It makes me feel good.Copy !req
164. But, like, only walls, right?Copy !req
165. You don't like, uh... smashing
a person or something?Copy !req
166. So our evening is off
to a wonderful start.Copy !req
167. Mrs. Nandor the Relentless
has joined us,Copy !req
168. and she fits right in.
Everybody!Copy !req
169. She looks very like a girl
from my villageCopy !req
170. called Celina,Copy !req
171. but she's just wearing
much less pig skin.Copy !req
172. You can do it.Copy !req
173. - Go me. Go me.Copy !req
174. Sometimes you just gotta
cool out with your ladies,Copy !req
175. have a proper female fuck-about.Copy !req
176. Nearly ready. Voilà.Copy !req
177. Dang it.Copy !req
178. Bienvenidos. Pasen. Gracias.Copy !req
179. Adelande.Copy !req
180. - Thank you for inv...Copy !req
181. Oh, no se preocupen
de las cámaras,Copy !req
182. este, los contraté
para que grabaran el...Copy !req
183. el cumpleaños de la abuela.Copy !req
184. - Feliz cumpleaños.
- Muchacho, ay.Copy !req
185. Ay, mi hijo.
Siempre tan considerado.Copy !req
186. Las chamarras, quítensela.
Quítensela. Aquí es su casa.Copy !req
187. - Look,
he's like the butler.
- I am not the butler.Copy !req
188. I told them that you guys are
here making a video montageCopy !req
189. for her birthday, so I guess
that's what we're doing now.Copy !req
190. It looks like Tarzan lives here.Copy !req
191. Oh, it's just eco-friendly.Copy !req
192. Is your Versace blouse
eco-friendly?Copy !req
193. - It's real Versace.
- You know, they make thatCopy !req
194. - in menswear too, right?
- Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
195. - Okay, why don't we go upstairs?Copy !req
196. Pasen, pasen, pasen.Copy !req
197. Oh, careful, there.
I... It's messy.Copy !req
198. There's thorns here,
so be careful.Copy !req
199. Hi.Copy !req
200. - Más basura.
- Aquí estamos.Copy !req
201. - Ta-da.Copy !req
202. Está lindo, mama, ¿verdad?Copy !req
203. - Bueno, bienvenidos.Copy !req
204. Mira estos platos, qué lujosos.Copy !req
205. She's really impressed.Copy !req
206. ¿Te dieron una promoción
en el Panera o qué?Copy !req
207. No, no, no, mamá.
Trabaja en el ferrocarril,Copy !req
208. ¿recuerdas?Copy !req
209. Oh, you're still
at the railroad.Copy !req
210. You're working at the railroad?Copy !req
211. Yeah, I work at the railroad.Copy !req
212. What happened to
the Panera Bread?Copy !req
213. Speaking of bread,
do you want some?Copy !req
214. - Oh, I got a promotion.
- That's right.Copy !req
215. You got a promotion?Copy !req
216. - Yeah.
- How does a foolCopy !req
217. get a promotion from
a Panera Bread to a railroad?Copy !req
218. - How does that happen?
- It was a...Copy !req
219. - It was at a train station.
- A train station?Copy !req
220. The Panera Bread was
at the train station.Copy !req
221. - What train station?
- Penn Station.Copy !req
222. Nah, nah, nah. Sabes que, homie.Copy !req
223. There ain't no Panera Bread
at Penn Station.Copy !req
224. - It was a pop-up.Copy !req
225. Pop-up shop.Copy !req
226. Wow.Copy !req
227. Slower, don't pull!Copy !req
228. Ooh, ooh! I have an idea.Copy !req
229. - What?
- Let's watch Mamma Mia!Copy !req
230. Uh, yes.Copy !req
231. Mamma Mia is
my favorite, favoriteCopy !req
232. film to watch when
I am missing my homeland,Copy !req
233. but Laszlo never
lets me watch it. He says...Copy !req
234. "My darling,
I can't watch that.Copy !req
235. "It reminds me
of all the bastard childrenCopy !req
236. I fathered when I was a human."Copy !req
237. Then the other two guys,Copy !req
238. they hear this screech
in the woods.Copy !req
239. And they hightail it
out of there,Copy !req
240. but they never found
the third guy...Copy !req
241. because you know who got him?Copy !req
242. The Jersey Devil.Copy !req
243. - The Jersey Devil.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
244. Hey, Mr. Rinaldi,Copy !req
245. - guess what?
- What?Copy !req
246. I don't believe
the Jersey Devil is even real.Copy !req
247. All righty, then.Copy !req
248. I guess is not my fault
if he comes and eats you.Copy !req
249. Okay, well, if he's so real,
then what does he look like?Copy !req
250. He's got dragon wings,Copy !req
251. and a half-goat horse faceCopy !req
252. with a chinstrap beard
like an Amish.Copy !req
253. And he's got hooves and horns,Copy !req
254. and two low-hanging ballsCopy !req
255. with a button cock on top.Copy !req
256. Fantastic.Copy !req
257. And he creeps through
the Pine Barrens,Copy !req
258. looking for little kids
who don't believe in him.Copy !req
259. And he goes, "clomp, clomp,Copy !req
260. clomp!"Copy !req
261. Uh... Everyone all right?Copy !req
262. I got to fix the safety
on that one, huh?Copy !req
263. No, the Jersey Devil
is not real.Copy !req
264. It is just a myth
that vampires made upCopy !req
265. to explain all the dead bodies
that we leave in the woods.Copy !req
266. Sean may be my best friend,
but like all humans,Copy !req
267. he doesn't realize
when he's been fucking had.Copy !req
268. Sean is your best friend?Copy !req
269. Yes. Why?Copy !req
270. No reason.Copy !req
271. Here's to spending
the weekend with you, Sean.Copy !req
272. I'll drink to that.Copy !req
273. Yes, cheers.Copy !req
274. There's just something special
about "guy time," you know?Copy !req
275. - Hear, hear.
- Yes.Copy !req
276. Sean, time to go beddy bye.Copy !req
277. - Whatever.
- Here we go.Copy !req
278. I got a deer.Copy !req
279. Mind your head.Copy !req
280. - Ooh, that hurt.
- What are you doing?Copy !req
281. This is seriouslyCopy !req
282. the funnest level
I've ever done on Roblox.Copy !req
283. Is it as cool as this?Copy !req
284. Careful, Laszlo.Copy !req
285. That thing is a weapon,
not a toy.Copy !req
286. The last time you saw battleCopy !req
287. it was just swords
and wooden clubs.Copy !req
288. I'd hardly call you
an authority.Copy !req
289. Ah.
This dynamo needs a top-up.Copy !req
290. So, uh, I'm gonna go
and get one. Anyone else?Copy !req
291. - No, I'm good.
- Nah.Copy !req
292. Do you want me
to pause it or...Copy !req
293. Oh, no, don't worry.
I'll only be a moment.Copy !req
294. Oh. Hallo.Copy !req
295. - Whose this, Guillermo?
- The maid.Copy !req
296. I'm Nadja of Antipaxos.Copy !req
297. I'm rich now, so I have...Copy !req
298. I have a maid.Copy !req
299. ¿Es tu novia, no?Copy !req
300. - Sí, sí, es que...Copy !req
301. Girlfriend? Since when?Copy !req
302. Yeah. I did say
Nadja was my girlfriend.Copy !req
303. The lies just pile up
on top of each other, you know?Copy !req
304. Over the years, you just
can't keep track.Copy !req
305. Isn't that right, Nadja?
You're bothCopy !req
306. my girlfriend and...Copy !req
307. - ... my maid.
- Wow.Copy !req
308. It all started, actually,
when my mom was tryingCopy !req
309. to set me up with
her church friend's nieceCopy !req
310. and just to get her off my back,Copy !req
311. I said I was dating Nadja.Copy !req
312. Please don't tell Laszlo.Copy !req
313. Es como Daphne y Niles.Copy !req
314. Daphne wasn't the maid.Copy !req
315. She was Frasier's dad's
physical therapist.Copy !req
316. - Right?Copy !req
317. Nadja, acompáñanos, ¿sí?Copy !req
318. - Join us.
- Uh...Copy !req
319. Por favor.Copy !req
320. Okay. Lovely.Copy !req
321. Guillermo, your girlfriend
was here this whole time,Copy !req
322. and you didn't invite her
to eat with your family?Copy !req
323. Yes, Guillermo can be a little
bit of a big rotten shit bag.Copy !req
324. ¿Te llamó shit bag?
- Yeah.Copy !req
325. One of my many sweet little
cheeky pet names for him.Copy !req
326. My boyfriend and...Copy !req
327. - ... boss.
- Guillermo,Copy !req
328. ¿me puedes enseñar
dónde está el baño?Copy !req
329. Sí, claro, abuelita.Copy !req
330. - Nadja, hola.Copy !req
331. I am his mom.Copy !req
332. - Bienvenidos.
- Sí.Copy !req
333. Oh, sí, claro.Copy !req
334. I mean, I guess I never
thought of it before,Copy !req
335. but, yeah, it makes sense.Copy !req
336. If I have Van Helsing DNA,Copy !req
337. then so would my grandma
and the rest of my family.Copy !req
338. Which makes itCopy !req
339. not-a-so good.Copy !req
340. Los goosebumps.Copy !req
341. I haven't a clue who thisCopy !req
342. Gena Lee Nolin is, but...Copy !req
343. I wouldn't mind that
in my lunch box.Copy !req
344. I have a question, Laszlo.Copy !req
345. What did you mean
by what you said before?Copy !req
346. - What did I say before?
- About the pistol.Copy !req
347. You said I was hardly
an authority.Copy !req
348. Well, exactly that.Copy !req
349. You haven't seen any action
in nigh on a millennium.Copy !req
350. Probably more accurate
to call you a former soldierCopy !req
351. than a real soldier,
wouldn't you say?Copy !req
352. I am and always will be
Nandor the Relentless.Copy !req
353. I suppose I should not
expect you to understandCopy !req
354. what it means to be a soldier.Copy !req
355. Were you not kicked out of your
Rifle Corps, your fancy-pantsCopy !req
356. college for wealthy lads?Copy !req
357. I think you're
referring to Eton,Copy !req
358. and I told you that
in confidence.Copy !req
359. Surprise, surprise.Copy !req
360. The talk suddenly
turns to LaszloCopy !req
361. and he's put
his sticky mag down.Copy !req
362. I was listening to everything.Copy !req
363. It's just the same old,
shrill tune.Copy !req
364. Sounds like someone'sCopy !req
365. a little jealous he's not
the number one guy in the house.Copy !req
366. Says the guy who left
the house to "find himself"Copy !req
367. and come back
with his tail between his legs.Copy !req
368. That was an important step
in my personal journey.Copy !req
369. And a good thing I did come backCopy !req
370. since the house went to
piss-filled shit on your watch.Copy !req
371. You remember to watch your
language in front of my boy.Copy !req
372. Piss-filled shit house!Copy !req
373. Did you get that?Copy !req
374. - Yep.
- I shouldn't be surprised.Copy !req
375. All you ever do is lay about
or tinkle on your pianoCopy !req
376. or have sex with NadjaCopy !req
377. wherever and whenever
you please!Copy !req
378. How is that an insult?Copy !req
379. Sounds to me like life goals
achieved, me old fruit.Copy !req
380. You take and you take
and you take.Copy !req
381. You took the seat
in the Honda ElementCopy !req
382. that wasn't behind Sean's seat
in the Honda Element,Copy !req
383. even though you knowCopy !req
384. that Sean likes his seat
in the Honda ElementCopy !req
385. pushed right far back,Copy !req
386. and I have the longer legs!Copy !req
387. Did you just
cock your weapon at me?Copy !req
388. I took that seat so I would have
a diagonal vantage pointCopy !req
389. to talk to my friend Sean
fluidly.Copy !req
390. I should've known.Copy !req
391. All the way back when we first
moved into the mansionCopy !req
392. and you had first pick
of the bedchambers,Copy !req
393. even though we all agreed
that I would have first pick!Copy !req
394. Now you're being absurd.Copy !req
395. What the fuck's that?Copy !req
396. "Whereas we
three vampires do agreeCopy !req
397. "upon the following order
for the selection of bedchambersCopy !req
398. "on our new homeCopy !req
399. on the rocky shores
of Staten Island."Copy !req
400. "First pick,
Nandor the Relentless."Copy !req
401. In the absence of allCopy !req
402. "household vampires
at the appointed timeCopy !req
403. "of bedchamber selection,Copy !req
404. "a quorum of two-thirds presentCopy !req
405. may... pro... ceed."Copy !req
406. Unbelievable.Copy !req
407. You can't even stand to lose
an argument, can you?Copy !req
408. You know what you are?Copy !req
409. You are what my best friend SeanCopy !req
410. might describe
as a proper jabroni.Copy !req
411. Shit.Copy !req
412. I am not a jabroni.Copy !req
413. - You are jabroni!
- Jabroni.Copy !req
414. - Jabroni.
- Jabroni.Copy !req
415. - Jabroni.
- Jabroni.Copy !req
416. Jabroni.Copy !req
417. Aah! Shit!Copy !req
418. Shit, you shot me
in the fucking hand.Copy !req
419. - Well, you would...
- Ow!Copy !req
420. What the hell
is going on in here?Copy !req
421. I heard shots.Copy !req
422. No, you didn't.Copy !req
423. - Where's the kid?
- He was right there.Copy !req
424. - Door's open.
- It's... Aw, shit.Copy !req
425. Oh, shit.Copy !req
426. So you actually enjoy
to eat a bowl of fungus.Copy !req
427. - Voluntarily?
- All kinds of fungus.Copy !req
428. I'm not a "fun-guy."Copy !req
429. At first, I had no interestCopy !req
430. in pretending to be whoever
this Daphne person is,Copy !req
431. but I am loving Gizmo's family.Copy !req
432. You're so lovely and nice,
compared to...Copy !req
433. Oh, here he is,
my rotten little shit bag.Copy !req
434. - Come here.Copy !req
435. I cannot believe that
such a group of fresh, dazzlingCopy !req
436. moonbeams are related
to such a gray dud.Copy !req
437. Do all of you have a very bad
visions like Guillermo?Copy !req
438. 'Cause I have heard
that the broken eyesCopy !req
439. can run in the families.Copy !req
440. No, no, no. I used to,
but then I gotCopy !req
441. the laser treatment,
you know, that...Copy !req
442. The Lasik.Copy !req
443. Lay-kips?Copy !req
444. - No. Lasik.
- Lipschitz.Copy !req
445. - Lasik!Copy !req
446. Ay, Dios Santo. Cálmate.Copy !req
447. - That's what I said.
- Sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
448. I didn't mean to yell
all like that.Copy !req
449. I don't know what came over me.
I just... you know. It's Lasik.Copy !req
450. - People know about this shit.
- Uh... So, anyway,Copy !req
451. in my family we don't
have the broken eyes,Copy !req
452. but all of the men have one armCopy !req
453. quite a bit shorter
than the other arm.Copy !req
454. Fuck, is it getting hot in here?
Or is it just me?Copy !req
455. Miguel, will you let her
tell her fucking story?Copy !req
456. - Oh, oh.
- Má.Copy !req
457. Please, go on.
Please, please.Copy !req
458. And so where-where was I?Copy !req
459. So the neighborsCopy !req
460. would shout at all the men,Copy !req
461. "Make your arms
the same length!"Copy !req
462. I'm fucking, like
about to catch on fireCopy !req
463. - or some shit.Copy !req
464. Something's fucking wrong, Memo.Copy !req
465. Eres un monstruo
y debes de morir.Copy !req
466. What the fuck?Copy !req
467. Demonio maldito chupa sangre,Copy !req
468. - aléjate de mi nieto.Copy !req
469. Abuelita, abuelita.Copy !req
470. - Fucking hell!Copy !req
471. Abuelita, abuelita.Copy !req
472. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
473. Why is there so much fucking
sharp wood in this house?Copy !req
474. Nadja, I really have to tell you
something about my family!Copy !req
475. Yes, Guillermo,
I've put it together,Copy !req
476. - you bloody moron.
- !¡Mami, no!Copy !req
477. Oh, my God, we're here
for a wedding...Copy !req
478. I think it's Pierce Brosnan.Copy !req
479. He has to be the papa, no?Copy !req
480. - Obviously.
- I hope he is,Copy !req
481. but I worry
there will be a twist.Copy !req
482. How long is this movie?Copy !req
483. Nadja!Copy !req
484. You come into my house?Copy !req
485. Do you have any idea who
the fuck you are messing with?Copy !req
486. - Never mind.Copy !req
487. Don't hurt her!Copy !req
488. !¡Demonio!Copy !req
489. No. No, no.Copy !req
490. Stop, stop, stop, stop,
don't hurt her!Copy !req
491. No, Mami. No, no, no!Copy !req
492. Guillermo, ella es un monstruo,
peligroso, malvado.Copy !req
493. Yes, I know, I know, okay?
I know she's a vampire.Copy !req
494. I've always known.
Nadja lives in this house.Copy !req
495. Okay? And so do
another group of vampires.Copy !req
496. - And I don't work
at the railroad.Copy !req
497. I work for them.Copy !req
498. - I work for the vampires
who live hereCopy !req
499. because I hope to become
a vampire myself one day.Copy !req
500. - And Nadja is not
my girlfriend...Copy !req
501. because I'm gay.Copy !req
502. Aw.Copy !req
503. - Mijo.
- Wait.Copy !req
504. You want to be a vampire?Copy !req
505. Hey!Copy !req
506. Being a vampire is very cool.Copy !req
507. We don't give a shit
about you being gay.Copy !req
508. We've known that forever,
I mean...Copy !req
509. - Yeah, we knew that.
- Una madre sabe.Copy !req
510. - Una madre sabe.
- Really? Everyone knew?Copy !req
511. - Come on, Mo.
- ¿Todos?Copy !req
512. Familia es familia, homie.Copy !req
513. I was so worried because I...Copy !req
514. - We love you.
- Oh, mami, gracias.Copy !req
515. - Oh, gracias.Copy !req
516. - No, wait, she's gonna try
to kill you.
- Ay!Copy !req
517. Come out, Baby Colin Robinson.Copy !req
518. - Nandor.
- Oh, Baby Colin Robinson!Copy !req
519. Nandor, look, I-I didn't mean
to hurt you. I...Copy !req
520. You shot me.Copy !req
521. See?Copy !req
522. No, I shot at you, it's true.Copy !req
523. But you've been a fucking pill
this whole trip,Copy !req
524. and for no good reason.Copy !req
525. Maybe I did have a reason,Copy !req
526. which was...Copy !req
527. I was a little upsetCopy !req
528. thinking about "guy time,"Copy !req
529. how we don't have it so much,
you and I.Copy !req
530. We used to.
Now you're alwaysCopy !req
531. clinking beers with SeanCopy !req
532. or rehearsing songs
with the Baby Colin Robinson.Copy !req
533. We never hang anymore.Copy !req
534. Bro, I'm not very comfortableCopy !req
535. with emotional flamboyance,
as well you know.Copy !req
536. I'll be brief.Copy !req
537. My feelings aren't
too dissimilar to your own.Copy !req
538. I've missed us.Copy !req
539. - All right.Copy !req
540. Baby Colin!Copy !req
541. - Boy!
- Baby.Copy !req
542. Hey, guys.Copy !req
543. What have I told you about
running off, you little prick?Copy !req
544. I heard something weird outside,Copy !req
545. but you were too busy fighting
about jabronis and...Copy !req
546. - Help!
- Sean?Copy !req
547. - Shit.
- Quickly.Copy !req
548. Oh, boy.Copy !req
549. - Over there.
- Jeepers.Copy !req
550. - The fuck is that shit?
- Kill me!Copy !req
551. The Jersey Devil, fucking hell.Copy !req
552. He's real?
Look at the size of his balls.Copy !req
553. Where's my magic flute?Copy !req
554. I hid it in the car
'cause it was annoying me.Copy !req
555. Kill me and get it over with!Copy !req
556. - Shoo. Go away.Copy !req
557. Yes, it's working.Copy !req
558. He's falling under your spell.Copy !req
559. - Yes.Copy !req
560. Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa.Copy !req
561. Oh, shit.Copy !req
562. - I'm gonna get my shotty.
- Nandor...Copy !req
563. I've been double crossed
by the devil.Copy !req
564. Hey, fuckhead, that's
my friend you've got there,Copy !req
565. you let him go!Copy !req
566. - Hey!Copy !req
567. - Lights out!
- Aah!Copy !req
568. - Kick him in the dick.
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
569. - He's on me!
- He's not going down.Copy !req
570. - Oh, shit.Copy !req
571. Hey, Siri,
play some New Jersey music.Copy !req
572. Get your hands off my ass.Copy !req
573. This isn't
what I want to be doing.Copy !req
574. Grab his balls, man.Copy !req
575. - I've got them, I've got them!
- No, that's me.Copy !req
576. Fucking hell.Copy !req
577. Hold on, I'll skip
to the good part.Copy !req
578. - Yeah.Copy !req
579. - Get him, Lazzo.Copy !req
580. - Human form!Copy !req
581. Kill him, get his button cock.Copy !req
582. It's working, I'm draining him.Copy !req
583. I'm draining him, too.Copy !req
584. Hey, I found the rifle!Copy !req
585. Fucking Jersey.Copy !req
586. Okay, can we go home now?Copy !req
587. Prepare to die, you vileCopy !req
588. - vampire...
- No, Nadja, no, don't, please.Copy !req
589. Okay? I didn't know you
were even here,Copy !req
590. - and I tried to warn you...
- Shut up, Guillermo.Copy !req
591. I am about to drinkCopy !req
592. the blood of your entire familyCopy !req
593. of vampire-killing evil verm...Copy !req
594. No, no, stop, okay? Please.Copy !req
595. I'm begging you.
Just hypnotize them, okay?Copy !req
596. Hypnotize them
so they forget everything.Copy !req
597. Like it or not,
they're my family.Copy !req
598. Just... just like
you're my family, Nadja.Copy !req
599. I so rarely care
what Guillermo thinksCopy !req
600. or feels or says or does,Copy !req
601. but I know what it is likeCopy !req
602. to watch your entire family
die in front of you.Copy !req
603. And it's not great.Copy !req
604. I watched my Uncle Andreas get
crushed to death by a donkey,Copy !req
605. and the donkey was his wife.Copy !req
606. And then she, the donkey,
died of alcoholism.Copy !req
607. And now I have had no real
family for hundreds of years.Copy !req
608. Also, if Guillermo
doesn't have a family,Copy !req
609. is he going to start
calling me "mami"?Copy !req
610. Bad enough his relationship
with Nandor, so, no, thank you.Copy !req
611. Okay, fine!Copy !req
612. - But on one condition.
- Anything.Copy !req
613. Keep Nandor, Laszlo,
and the small Colin creatureCopy !req
614. away from the house
at least one night a monthCopy !req
615. so I can have it to myself.Copy !req
616. And...Copy !req
617. obtain for me a copy of...Copy !req
618. Here We Go Again.Copy !req
619. I'm just super glad
that everything worked out.Copy !req
620. And that my family is safe.Copy !req
621. And that they were hypnotized
and now the house will be safe.Copy !req
622. Most importantly,
I'm just glad thatCopy !req
623. they finally know
the truth about me.Copy !req
624. Well, besides the bit about you
working at the railroad.Copy !req
625. Okay, yeah.Copy !req
626. And the giant bitCopy !req
627. about you being desperate
to be a vampire.Copy !req
628. Okay, yeah, but Nadja made sureCopy !req
629. that they remember
the part about me...Copy !req
630. telling them that I'm gay, so...Copy !req
631. I mean,Copy !req
632. who isn't gay?Copy !req
633. A lot of people.Copy !req
634. Oh, okay.Copy !req
635. I'll get the trumpets out.
Sorry.Copy !req
636. Shade.Copy !req
637. After we vanquished
the Jersey Devil, we drove homeCopy !req
638. - before sunrise.
- No, I drove.Copy !req
639. We hypnotized Sean, but
I'm worried that we fucked him.Copy !req
640. - Oh, you can make a pizza tree?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
641. I just made ten Robux.
What's the street value to that?Copy !req
642. But we did manage
to bring home a littleCopy !req
643. souvenir from our weekend.Copy !req
644. What the fuck is that?Copy !req