1. - Huh?Copy !req
2. Guillermo?Copy !req
3. Guillermo!Copy !req
4. - Boo!
- The childCopy !req
5. who clawed his way out
of the abdomenCopy !req
6. of our dead friend
Colin RobinsonCopy !req
7. has reached that wild age.Copy !req
8. - That's mine.
You'll take it offCopy !req
9. - this second.
- Catch me, catch me!Copy !req
10. - He's a very active lad.
- It feels like weeksCopy !req
11. since I had
had a good day's slumber.Copy !req
12. Fucking little guy.Copy !req
13. - This ruckus never seems to end.Copy !req
14. He's very loud, and unlike us,Copy !req
15. he does not sleep
during the day.Copy !req
16. Nor does he sleep
during the night.Copy !req
17. - When does he sleep?
- I don't think he does.Copy !req
18. Never a dull moment
with that scalawag.Copy !req
19. - I'm pretty sure
he must be part demon.
- Nonsense.Copy !req
20. He's all boy.Copy !req
21. We tried to distract
him by buying him toys.Copy !req
22. But he just breaks the toy
and plays with the box.Copy !req
23. Which he then sets on fire.Copy !req
24. Ah, well, at leastCopy !req
25. he's not showing signs
of being a boreCopy !req
26. or an energy vampire.Copy !req
27. He has a very curiousCopy !req
28. - and inquisitive mind.
- Colin, no!Copy !req
29. Gizmo, shut the fuck up!Copy !req
30. We're doing a piece to camera.
As I was saying,Copy !req
31. he has a very inquisitive
and curious mind.Copy !req
32. That is just a very nice,
bullshitty way of saying thatCopy !req
33. - if we leave him unsupervised
for even one moment...
- Colin, no! No!Copy !req
34. he runs down
to the bloody flooded basementCopy !req
35. and wreaks havoc.Copy !req
36. For no good reason at all.Copy !req
37. - Colin, no!Copy !req
38. - Colin!
- No,Copy !req
39. I think there's method
in his madness.Copy !req
40. - What we're seeingCopy !req
41. are the early,
tentative explorationsCopy !req
42. of maybe a sculptorCopy !req
43. - or an architect.
- Or a psychopath.Copy !req
44. - He's got a weapon!
- Maybe it's...Copy !req
45. - He's got a weapon!Copy !req
46. - Whoa!Copy !req
47. I'm gonna get you!Copy !req
48. But he needs to go to schoolCopy !req
49. so he can burn off
some of this energyCopy !req
50. and learn structure and be
around normal kids his own age.Copy !req
51. - But he's not a normal kid.
- Mm.Copy !req
52. He's a singer, he's a dancer,
he's an entertainer.Copy !req
53. - He's got the magic.Copy !req
54. - You've got to do something!
- What about you?Copy !req
55. - Have you been to a school?
- I have.Copy !req
56. Actually, I happened
to go to public schoolCopy !req
57. when I was little,
and look at me.Copy !req
58. - I turned out fine.Copy !req
59. Great plan.Copy !req
60. Send Baby Colin Robinson
to a school,Copy !req
61. and he ends up like you.Copy !req
62. I have been thinking.Copy !req
63. Perhaps the answer
is to send Baby Colin RobinsonCopy !req
64. to a performing arts schoolCopy !req
65. where they just pretend
to learn reading and writingCopy !req
66. and math, but at least
they're out of the houseCopy !req
67. for, like,
eight hours of the day.Copy !req
68. What's going on here, then?Copy !req
69. - Where?
- Have you had a haircut?Copy !req
70. Why? Have you had a haircut?Copy !req
71. Have you been watching
Star Trek?Copy !req
72. Let's not, uh,
focus on looking at me,Copy !req
73. okay,
and focus on the big issue,Copy !req
74. which is the Baby Colin,
correct?Copy !req
75. Okay. What if we send himCopy !req
76. to a very selective
private school so he doesn'tCopy !req
77. have to worry
about rubbing shouldersCopy !req
78. with street tramps and dullards?Copy !req
79. No. We have plenty
of good public schools here,Copy !req
80. - and they're free.
- I thought you were doing
the accounting.Copy !req
81. Isn't the nightclub swimming
in the trillions?Copy !req
82. No, we need that money
to fix the house.Copy !req
83. And I wouldn't say "trillions."
No, definitely not.Copy !req
84. How much money
have we made this month?Copy !req
85. Have to, like,
crunch the numbers.Copy !req
86. - Top of my head, I don't...
- Hold on a second. Nandor,Copy !req
87. - why don't you rub your genie?
- He is a djinn.Copy !req
88. Well, whether he's a djinn
or not, give him a rub,Copy !req
89. make a wish and
we can clean this bullshit up.Copy !req
90. Well, I cannot do that.Copy !req
91. - Why?
- Because I only haveCopy !req
92. a very limited number of wishes,Copy !req
93. - and I cannot be wasting them.
- Selfish.Copy !req
94. And anyway, I already asked him.Copy !req
95. - And he said that
he is legally prohibitedCopy !req
96. from doing any kind
of house stuff.Copy !req
97. Bummer.Copy !req
98. Of course I could ask the djinnCopy !req
99. to make all of our troubles
with the house disappear.Copy !req
100. But it's a very slippery slope.Copy !req
101. Are you sure
you haven't had a haircut?Copy !req
102. First we fix the house.Copy !req
103. Then it's like, "Oh, Nandor,Copy !req
104. can you wish for a new rug?"
or some shit.Copy !req
105. And before you know it, all
of my wishes will be used up,Copy !req
106. and I will have no more wishes
left to make a global impact.Copy !req
107. Which is what I planCopy !req
108. philanthropy.Copy !req
109. - Hey.Copy !req
110. You rang?Copy !req
111. I did? Oh.Copy !req
112. It was an accident.Copy !req
113. So, uh, you are satisfiedCopy !req
114. with the results
of your last wish?Copy !req
115. Would you excuse us
for just a moment?Copy !req
116. Philanthropy stuff.Copy !req
117. So, about my last wish.Copy !req
118. I think the removing
of the wrinkles around the eyesCopy !req
119. was a success, yes?Copy !req
120. I live to serve.Copy !req
121. Uh, however, I feel like
the smoothness of the skinCopy !req
122. is now drawing some attentionCopy !req
123. to some bagginess
under the eyes.Copy !req
124. - Hmm. Come. Come, let me see?
- See here?Copy !req
125. - Shit. Not again.Copy !req
126. - Hey, guess what?
Do you guys have YouTube?
- What?Copy !req
127. And have you seen
the new MrBeast videoCopy !req
128. where he makes the world's
largest elephant's toothpaste?Copy !req
129. - No.
- What the fuck
are you talking about?Copy !req
130. We may look as children,Copy !req
131. but we're 143 years old.Copy !req
132. Oh, okay. S-Sorry.Copy !req
133. It's all right, boy, they don't
know what they're missing.Copy !req
134. Come on. Let's get on
with the job in hand.Copy !req
135. Now I come to think of it,Copy !req
136. I suppose schooling
isn't such a bad ideaCopy !req
137. as long as he can have
some japesCopy !req
138. and tomfoolery
with his young cohorts.Copy !req
139. - Oops.
- My love,
it will be very goodCopy !req
140. for him and very good for us.Copy !req
141. Yeah, but none
of this public school shit.Copy !req
142. - Mm.
- He's gonna be amongst
the elites like I was.Copy !req
143. Well, I got some brochures hereCopy !req
144. on some very impressive
private schoolsCopy !req
145. in the area.
Here you go.Copy !req
146. - Hmm?
- I'm just gonna
put it down here.Copy !req
147. Well, you can forget this one.
Doesn't have a cricket field.Copy !req
148. - Or even a whipping post.
- Good point.Copy !req
149. And what do you pose
as a better solution?Copy !req
150. Well, I would say, um...Copy !req
151. Uh... this one looks good.Copy !req
152. - That's, uh, that's a receipt.
- Oh.Copy !req
153. - Put me down, you idiot!Copy !req
154. - Stop struggling,
you little rascal.Copy !req
155. - Oh, no.
- Ugh.
- You hurt my stomach,Copy !req
156. - you dummy.
- Good little guy.Copy !req
157. - Baby Colin!
- Whoa.Copy !req
158. Nice try, asshole.Copy !req
159. My back.Copy !req
160. Little nephew found his way
over to my house again.Copy !req
161. I caught him in the garage,Copy !req
162. knocking, uh, holes
in the drywallCopy !req
163. - with a ball peen hammer.
- A thousand apologies
to you, Sean.Copy !req
164. What's this? You sending the
little guy to private school?Copy !req
165. Yeah, we're thinking about it.Copy !req
166. Oh. Well, you better addCopy !req
167. Helen Country Day School
to the listCopy !req
168. 'cause you're talking
to an HCD grad right here.Copy !req
169. Really? Well, there you go.
That's where the boy shall go.Copy !req
170. Yeah, I can help you with that.
I happen to beCopy !req
171. very tight with the headmaster.Copy !req
172. Don't you think
that's a rather hasty decision?Copy !req
173. Sean went there,
and look how he's turned out.Copy !req
174. - Right.
- Tuck his trousers in
and everything.Copy !req
175. I've never been more cocksure
of any decision in my life.Copy !req
176. Is everybody ready?Copy !req
177. The headmaster's gonna be here
in ten minutes.Copy !req
178. And remember, you're
just a regular human beingCopy !req
179. who likes to do
regular human things.Copy !req
180. You are not a vampire,Copy !req
181. and if... Oh, no.Copy !req
182. Ta-da!Copy !req
183. Well...Copy !req
184. "A" for effort on the whole
looking human aspect, but no.Copy !req
185. - Go upstairs and change into
whatever your least vampireyCopy !req
186. vampire attire is.Copy !req
187. - But that is this.
- Yes.
- That is this?Copy !req
188. - This is that.
- Okay, try this.Copy !req
189. Oh, I love pizza so much.Copy !req
190. That's pretty good.Copy !req
191. - We have some water for...Copy !req
192. Wait, what happened?
I thought you were gonna change.Copy !req
193. I couldn't find
anything else to wear,Copy !req
194. - Guillermo. Just leave it.
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
195. It's fine. You look great.
Okay, let's do this.Copy !req
196. - Oh! Here they are.Copy !req
197. Now, don't you worry, big man.
You just do exactlyCopy !req
198. - what we rehearsed, all right?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
199. Guys, here he is.Copy !req
200. The man of the hour,
Headmaster Warren.Copy !req
201. - Hi.
- Yeah.Copy !req
202. Now, back when I was in school,Copy !req
203. he was nothing
but a loser guidance counselor,Copy !req
204. but he really helped meCopy !req
205. set some more realistic goals
for college.Copy !req
206. A four-year program
isn't for everyone.Copy !req
207. But you turned out to be
a fine young man, Sean.Copy !req
208. - Talking of fine young men,
uh...
- Oh!Copy !req
209. - And this must be Colin.
- Go on.Copy !req
210. Hello, young man.Copy !req
211. It's my pleasure
to make your acquaintance, sir.Copy !req
212. - And guess what?
- What's that?Copy !req
213. I'm a remarkable smart lad
who can sing and dance,Copy !req
214. and I never watch YouTube,Copy !req
215. - and I never pound holes
in the wall using a hammer.
- Ah!Copy !req
216. - Okay!
- Off you go, Colin.Copy !req
217. I think we've had
enough of that.Copy !req
218. - It's your bedtime, I think.
- Please.Copy !req
219. - Please, take a seat.
- Oh, out of the mouths of babes.Copy !req
220. - Oh, so human of him.
- Yes.Copy !req
221. So, uh, my apologiesCopy !req
222. for not being fully up to speed,Copy !req
223. but, uh,
who exactly are the parents?Copy !req
224. Uh...Copy !req
225. - Yeah.
- Uh...Copy !req
226. When I click my fingers,Copy !req
227. you will enter
a trancelike stateCopy !req
228. where you will hear nothing
or see nothing.Copy !req
229. I will then click my fingers
once more,Copy !req
230. and you will regain
consciousness,Copy !req
231. remembering nothing
of this pause.Copy !req
232. - We really should have figured
this out before they came.Copy !req
233. Who are we gonna say
the parents are?Copy !req
234. Let's just say that I'm the
mother and you are the father.Copy !req
235. - Good idea.
- That won't work,
my darling.Copy !req
236. - I've already told him
I'm the boy's uncle.
- Shit.Copy !req
237. Fine, I will be the father.Copy !req
238. - Looking like that?
- Yes.Copy !req
239. - Better than nothing.
- Well, look at him.Copy !req
240. - Laszlo, get over it!
- Come on.Copy !req
241. - Ouch! Nandor.
- Sorry.Copy !req
242. Yes, hello.Copy !req
243. We are Colin's parents.
I am Nadja.Copy !req
244. I carried him to full term.Copy !req
245. Yes, and I am Matthew.Copy !req
246. Well, I'd love to ask you
a few questionsCopy !req
247. - about yourselves and Colin.
- Mm.Copy !req
248. Yes, and we can answer
those questionsCopy !req
249. because we are very much
Colin's parents.Copy !req
250. - Yes.Copy !req
251. And I am Matthew.Copy !req
252. Okay.Copy !req
253. - So, uh, let's get into it.Copy !req
254. How old is Colin?Copy !req
255. - Twelve.
- Forty-two.Copy !req
256. - Sixteen.
- One.Copy !req
257. He's nine years old.
- Nine!Copy !req
258. - Nine.Copy !req
259. Okay, great.Copy !req
260. Is everybody going to be staying
for this next part, as well?Copy !req
261. I mean, usually,Copy !req
262. - it's only the...
- I thinkCopy !req
263. he thinks it's weird that
it's not just me and Nandor.Copy !req
264. - Matthew.
- I think it's weirdCopy !req
265. he wants you two alone
in a room.Copy !req
266. Well, if everyone's staying,
then I should stay, too.Copy !req
267. - You know, for human guidance.Copy !req
268. Fine. I will fix this.Copy !req
269. - ... uh, parentsCopy !req
270. - who do the interview.
- Good point, yes.Copy !req
271. But I would like to say
that we're all going to stayCopy !req
272. because we very much think
of everyoneCopy !req
273. - in this room
as members of the family.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
274. So, please, meet our butlerCopy !req
275. - and our groundskeeper.
- I'm the groundskeeper,
by the way. Ha!Copy !req
276. Okay, then.
One big, happy family.Copy !req
277. Everyone helps out here.Copy !req
278. - There's a lot of love
in this family.
- Mm.Copy !req
279. In fact, there's so much love,Copy !req
280. apparently,
you're with Nandor nowCopy !req
281. and Laz doesn't mind?Copy !req
282. I mean,
you know, it's no judgment.Copy !req
283. What's the word
for what you guys are? It's...Copy !req
284. - Polyamorous?
- Oh,Copy !req
285. I was thinking filthy hippies,Copy !req
286. but, uh, like I said,
no judgement.Copy !req
287. - Right, Mr. Warren?Copy !req
288. - Fuck's sake.
- Of course this is a disaster.Copy !req
289. - He knows we're married,
my darling.
- Let's just sayCopy !req
290. that I am the mother
and Laszlo is the father.Copy !req
291. - Who am I going to be?
- You're the groundskeeper now.Copy !req
292. - Keep up.
- Come on.Copy !req
293. - Go, go, go, go, go. Careful.
- I can see.Copy !req
294. Careful, the camera. Stop. No.Copy !req
295. - Stop. Ready.
- Okay?Copy !req
296. So, uh...Copy !req
297. I'm sorry. Uh...Copy !req
298. - Where was I?
- I don't know.Copy !req
299. I am just Matthew,
the groundskeeper.Copy !req
300. And there Colin was,Copy !req
301. just perched
on the top of the treeCopy !req
302. like a little snake.Copy !req
303. But not a snake.Copy !req
304. A real human baby.Copy !req
305. Very normal human baby.Copy !req
306. And we had no choiceCopy !req
307. but to, um, take him in, crying.Copy !req
308. That is very odd.Copy !req
309. - But really quite beautiful.
- Yeah.Copy !req
310. We consider it a positiveCopy !req
311. to support family structuresCopy !req
312. that at one time
might have seemed unorthodox.Copy !req
313. In fact, I'd venture to sayCopy !req
314. we have families
far less traditional than yours.Copy !req
315. - Shit.
We aren't different enough.Copy !req
316. We need
a weirder family structure.Copy !req
317. The more unorthodox we are,Copy !req
318. the more chance we have
of getting him in.Copy !req
319. No, I think we're doing fine
with the adoption angle.Copy !req
320. - We need to be gay.Copy !req
321. No, there's plenty
of gay parents out there.Copy !req
322. Trust me. Gay is in.Copy !req
323. Gay is hot. I want some gay.Copy !req
324. Gay it's gonna be. Nandor?Copy !req
325. - As you can see,
we're Colin's two dads.Copy !req
326. Wonderful. You know,
our school is quite proudCopy !req
327. of our acceptance
of family structuresCopy !req
328. - that at one time might...
- Yeah, can I stop you there?Copy !req
329. You need to know that we're
very gay for each other.Copy !req
330. Completely gay.Copy !req
331. We are like
two French trombones.Copy !req
332. And this guy?
I ream him nightly.Copy !req
333. And I'm always sucking him off.Copy !req
334. They are like,
"Come, it's dinner!Copy !req
335. Stop sucking off
your gay husband!"Copy !req
336. Which is amusing,
'cause I am dinner.Copy !req
337. - And I just carry on
reaming him.
- Nadja. Nadja.Copy !req
338. Sexually.
You must understand that.Copy !req
339. Hey! You got a problem
with these guys being gay?Copy !req
340. - I will ream you.
- No.Copy !req
341. - No, I don't have a problem.
- You better not.Copy !req
342. 'Cause I don't mess
with homophobes.Copy !req
343. - It's the 20th century now.
- Thank you for that, Sean.Copy !req
344. - Well said.
- Please just freeze them. Okay?Copy !req
345. - Oh, for fuck's sake.
- Appreciated.Copy !req
346. What'd you do that for?
That was going great.Copy !req
347. If you're gonna do this,
just hold hands and act normal.Copy !req
348. Stop talking about
your explicit sexual activities.Copy !req
349. - Why?
- Jealous.Copy !req
350. Y-Your relationship aside,Copy !req
351. could you tell me
a little bit about Colin?Copy !req
352. Oh, yes. Yes, they can.Copy !req
353. Yes.Copy !req
354. We can.Copy !req
355. Yeah. Um, Colin is a...Copy !req
356. - Um...
- Yes.Copy !req
357. - Give us a minute.
- Okay.Copy !req
358. Colin...Copy !req
359. - He...
- Colin...Copy !req
360. - Uh...
- Colin is a bright
and energetic boyCopy !req
361. who's eager to make friends.Copy !req
362. His favorite number is 31.Copy !req
363. His favorite color is brown,Copy !req
364. and he loves both classic stage
and movie musicals.Copy !req
365. - He's actually quite a gifted
singer and performer himself.
- Wow.Copy !req
366. For a non-parental figure,Copy !req
367. - you sure seem to know
a lot about Colin.Copy !req
368. You bragging about all your
Colin Robinson knowledgeCopy !req
369. is making all of us
look like skata.Copy !req
370. But no one was saying anything,
so I had to say something.Copy !req
371. Now he's going to think we're
those absentee parent typesCopy !req
372. who know nothing
about their childrenCopy !req
373. and let the nanny
do all the work.Copy !req
374. - Yeah, well, you are.
- Fine.Copy !req
375. You want to be king
of Baby Colin Robinson?Copy !req
376. - So,
has it been hardCopy !req
377. raising Colin alone by myselfCopy !req
378. as a single parent? Yeah.Copy !req
379. Perhaps that's why
we're so close.Copy !req
380. We only have each other
in this cold,Copy !req
381. - scary world.
- Could I interest you
in someCopy !req
382. refreshments? Uh...Copy !req
383. Potato chips, some eggs,Copy !req
384. cigarette,
or perhaps a nice, ripeCopy !req
385. banana.Copy !req
386. Uh...Copy !req
387. - Did that upset you?
- I'm sorry, what?Copy !req
388. Well, you look a little, uh,
surprised, or maybeCopy !req
389. troubled by whatCopy !req
390. - Guillermo just said.
- No.Copy !req
391. That's just... allergies.Copy !req
392. This is how I look
when I get my allergies.Copy !req
393. You know, one of the parents
at our school is aCopy !req
394. top-notch allergist. I could
put you in touch with him.Copy !req
395. - Yes.
- A very nice family.Copy !req
396. Uh, his wife
is a wonderful actress,Copy !req
397. but it wouldn't be appropriate
for me to mention her name.Copy !req
398. - Absolutely, no.
- Oh, go ahead.Copy !req
399. - Tell us.
- No, no.Copy !req
400. Come on.Copy !req
401. Let's just say that you wouldCopy !req
402. recognize her from...Copy !req
403. more than a few episodes
of Law & Order.Copy !req
404. Law & Order.
I was going to say...Copy !req
405. Okay.Copy !req
406. I know what's going on here.Copy !req
407. It's as clear as day.Copy !req
408. This motherfucker
is a starfucker.Copy !req
409. What? No, I don't think
that's what he meant.Copy !req
410. Yes, that is what
these schools want.Copy !req
411. They want the famous parents,
so they can be like,Copy !req
412. "I couldn't possiblyCopy !req
413. "say anything, butCopy !req
414. "Lionel fucking Barrymore's kidsCopy !req
415. might just go here."Copy !req
416. Nadja's right. He fucks stars.Copy !req
417. Where can we find
a celebrity, and fast?Copy !req
418. Well, this is Staten Island,Copy !req
419. which is a veritable playground
for the glitterati.Copy !req
420. This way.Copy !req
421. So, yeah, as long as
it's SAG minimum,Copy !req
422. I'm down for anything.Copy !req
423. Who's this guy?Copy !req
424. Shut up.Copy !req
425. It is actually very interesting
you say thatCopy !req
426. because, uh,
Colin's father here, Mr...Copy !req
427. Sal Vulcano,Copy !req
428. is a very famous actor also.Copy !req
429. I wouldn't consider
what I do acting, but...Copy !req
430. This is Colin's father,Copy !req
431. you know, the guy from
Incomprehensible Jesters.Copy !req
432. - Impractical Jokers...
- Nobody cares.Copy !req
433. Just sit there silent.Copy !req
434. So, Sal here is Colin's father?Copy !req
435. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.Copy !req
436. Or...Copy !req
437. I'm sorry,
it's been a long day,Copy !req
438. and my memory
isn't what it once was.Copy !req
439. Whoa. Who the hell is that guy?Copy !req
440. - It is me, Nandor.
- Oh, no, no.Copy !req
441. You're not Nandor.Copy !req
442. Okay, fine, fine,
I am not Nandor.Copy !req
443. I am... Adolfo,Copy !req
444. the butler or some shit.Copy !req
445. - Yeah, all right.
- Right.Copy !req
446. So... who exactly
are the parents here?Copy !req
447. - Shit.Copy !req
448. Uh... I'm not sure I get
the joke of the bit.Copy !req
449. - Laszlo!Copy !req
450. - Woops.Copy !req
451. Prick was getting on my nervesCopy !req
452. with his jibber-jabber.Copy !req
453. We'll drain him later.Copy !req
454. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
If you can hypnotize themCopy !req
455. for them to freeze
and forget everything,Copy !req
456. wouldn't it be easier to just
hypnotize Headmaster WarrenCopy !req
457. into allowing ColinCopy !req
458. into the school
without all this play-acting?Copy !req
459. Did this bitchCopy !req
460. just say what I think he said?Copy !req
461. - He did.
- Are you off your tits, boy?Copy !req
462. - What?
- He is.
- Exactly.Copy !req
463. We are in far too deep
now, baby.Copy !req
464. The only way forwardCopy !req
465. is to stick to the plan.Copy !req
466. Little Colin has
so many hobbies,Copy !req
467. it's just very hard
to keep track.Copy !req
468. Yeah, he definitely loves
his big little head, you know?Copy !req
469. It's always bobbling all around.Copy !req
470. - Like yours, honey.Copy !req
471. This one and that one,
they're all bobbling.Copy !req
472. The pain of childbirth
is nothingCopy !req
473. compared to the pain
of child rearing.Copy !req
474. That's beautifully said.Copy !req
475. It's definitely not easy
being a single mother,Copy !req
476. but I love Baby Colin, my son.Copy !req
477. What the actual fuck is that?
Is that a talking doll?Copy !req
478. So, um, please to tell me
a little bitCopy !req
479. about Colin's hobbies?Copy !req
480. Who is Colin?Copy !req
481. Colin is our son, my darling.Copy !req
482. Just to be clear, old-timer,Copy !req
483. I'm not always the sucker,
and he'sCopy !req
484. not always the reamer.Copy !req
485. Though, he does ream me nightly.Copy !req
486. Adolfo, you dirty dog.Copy !req
487. Wait a second, haven't we
already done this one?Copy !req
488. Hello.Copy !req
489. - Seany!
- Hey!Copy !req
490. Yo, Lasz.Copy !req
491. You know what?
I'm not doing this.Copy !req
492. - Baby.Copy !req
493. I'm sorry to cut this short,
but my head is killing me.Copy !req
494. Oh, you, too? I got, like,
the mother of all migraines.Copy !req
495. - Anyway, it's beenCopy !req
496. a most informative evening.Copy !req
497. So, uh, do you have
Colin's transcripts?Copy !req
498. What? What's that?Copy !req
499. His transcripts
from his previous school.Copy !req
500. - He's never been to school...
- I'll have them
sent over tomorrow.Copy !req
501. - Here you go. Enjoy.
- Thank you.Copy !req
502. So, yeah,
I pulled a few strings to getCopy !req
503. the guidance counselor
from my old school...Copy !req
504. Hello, Mr. Coulson.Copy !req
505. to work up a fake transcript
for Baby Colin.Copy !req
506. You know, not really happy
about dippingCopy !req
507. into the nightclub fund for it,Copy !req
508. or the whole bribery thing
in general,Copy !req
509. but it's what's best
for the child.Copy !req
510. Anyways, uh, I'm gonna go
for a little walk,Copy !req
511. and I'll catch you guys
back at the house, okay?Copy !req
512. You take care of that,
all right?Copy !req
513. Sí, sí, sí, gracias, I-I...Copy !req
514. Hey, guys.Copy !req
515. Uh, what's up?Copy !req
516. I thought we wrapped for me,
I was wrapped for the day.Copy !req
517. This isn't what it looks like.Copy !req
518. I mean, sure, yes,
I've had, you know,Copy !req
519. access to more cash lately,Copy !req
520. ever since I became
the bookkeeper for the club,Copy !req
521. but...Copy !req
522. I know I shouldn't be stealingCopy !req
523. from the club,
and I'm not stealing.Copy !req
524. I was just putting
some cash asideCopy !req
525. to pay myself.Copy !req
526. It's not even about me.Copy !req
527. It's about family, okay?Copy !req
528. I just happen to have
two familiesCopy !req
529. I got to take care of, huh?Copy !req
530. Just like you have a family.Copy !req
531. No?Copy !req
532. I'll put it right there.Copy !req
533. No takers?Copy !req
534. Pick it up, lad!Copy !req
535. That's it.Copy !req
536. - Come on. Baby!
- Power through.Copy !req
537. - Oh!
- This is embarrassing.Copy !req
538. These kids need to watch
some more Dream Team footageCopy !req
539. and then play like that.Copy !req
540. - Shut up bitching.Copy !req
541. He's doing a marvelous job.Copy !req
542. Well, after all our hard work,Copy !req
543. Baby Colin did not get accepted.Copy !req
544. Apparently, Headmaster Warren
suffered a massive strokeCopy !req
545. only hours
after meeting up with us.Copy !req
546. The reason for that is
most human beingsCopy !req
547. can only take
seven hypnoses per hour.Copy !req
548. That man went through 428.Copy !req
549. So we didn't have to start
all over again,Copy !req
550. we decided to enroll Baby ColinCopy !req
551. in every community sports leagueCopy !req
552. we could think of.Copy !req
553. The volleyballs, softballs...Copy !req
554. - And large balls.
- Baseballs,Copy !req
555. sports balls...Copy !req
556. Human stuff.Copy !req
557. They're obsessed with balls.Copy !req
558. Kill them! Kill them dead!Copy !req
559. - Don't you think we might be
pushing him a little too hard?
- No.Copy !req
560. This is essential
for his college application.Copy !req
561. Plus, he's having a great time.Copy !req
562. Put it in the basket!Copy !req
563. That's my boy!Copy !req
564. - Yes, Colin!
- Time for hockey.Copy !req
565. Okay.Copy !req
566. And now, finally, the boy'sCopy !req
567. too tired
to be such a little shit.Copy !req
568. So, ultimately, I realizedCopy !req
569. I have been completely
ruining my lifeCopy !req
570. and my face.Copy !req
571. What is ironical is thatCopy !req
572. I was only doing this
to make myselfCopy !req
573. look better for my wife Marwa.Copy !req
574. This was for her, not for me.Copy !req
575. So, back to one?Copy !req
576. Yes,Copy !req
577. if you would be so kind.Copy !req
578. I live to serve.Copy !req
579. Yes, you do.Copy !req
580. Oh!Copy !req
581. Kind of tickled.Copy !req
582. - I say, Nandor...
- Yeah?Copy !req
583. you really need to quit
with the plastic surgery.Copy !req
584. You look insane.Copy !req
585. Ha, ha. Very funny, Laszlo.Copy !req
586. - No reaming for you tonight.
- Oh.Copy !req
587. No reaming, no sucking,
no tickling,Copy !req
588. - no fingering, no fucking.Copy !req
589. And don't even think about
scritchy-scratchingCopy !req
590. on my door like
a little horny squirrel.Copy !req
591. You can bury your own nuts!Copy !req
592. Tonight's take.Copy !req
593. Oh, and a very good night
indeed.Copy !req
594. It's all there.Copy !req
595. - Thank you, Guillermo.
- Okay. Yeah, you're welcome.Copy !req
596. This is not what it looks like.Copy !req
597. Eh. It's exactly
what it looks like.Copy !req
598. - Oh, um,Copy !req
599. if you tell anyone this,Copy !req
600. I will kill you
and your entire family,Copy !req
601. and I will invite all your
friends to their funeral,Copy !req
602. and then I'll kill all of them,
too, so... your choice.Copy !req