1. Business isCopy !req
2. booming at the nightclub, baby!Copy !req
3. Cheers.Copy !req
4. That little tap-dancing
freak that clawedCopy !req
5. its way out
of the abdominal cavityCopy !req
6. of dead Colin RobinsonCopy !req
7. is causing such a buzz.Copy !req
8. We are pulling in
capacity crowds of vampiresCopy !req
9. and humans night after night.Copy !req
10. The only real problem,
apart fromCopy !req
11. the blood sprinklers
clogging yet again,Copy !req
12. is the fucking employees.Copy !req
13. How many of our patrons
have diedCopy !req
14. in wraith-related accidents
in the last week alone?Copy !req
15. - Five.
- What? Five?Copy !req
16. But, you know,
four of them were human.Copy !req
17. Yeah, okay,
that's not so bad then.Copy !req
18. But still, what is going on
with these wraiths?Copy !req
19. Maybe they are
having issues with howCopy !req
20. they're being treated.Copy !req
21. I gave them jobs. I'd say that'sCopy !req
22. - pretty bloody good treatment.
- Yes, but you doCopy !req
23. make them sleep
in the supply closet.Copy !req
24. Well, it is better
than sleeping in the street.Copy !req
25. You can remind them of that.Copy !req
26. Maybe if you just
listened to themCopy !req
27. and heard them out—
their concerns, you know, and...Copy !req
28. Hold it, hold it.Copy !req
29. Are they intentionally
underperformingCopy !req
30. in order to get their way?Copy !req
31. You know, it does seem
like they've organizedCopy !req
32. some sort of labor action.Copy !req
33. - This I know how to handle.
- Ah.Copy !req
34. Kill them all.Copy !req
35. - Come on.Copy !req
36. Uh, I-I forgot the words, Lazlo.Copy !req
37. What is this tomfoolery?Copy !req
38. This is a rehearsal for you,
not for me.Copy !req
39. But, Lazzo, guess what?Copy !req
40. - You're tired.
- I'm tired.Copy !req
41. I-I'm at a really good part
of my book and I...Copy !req
42. Not the fucking book again.
Give it to me.Copy !req
43. I-I don't have it.Copy !req
44. - Yes, you do, boy.Copy !req
45. You've tucked it
in the back of your trouser.Copy !req
46. - Give it to me.
- Fine.Copy !req
47. Fairy tales? This is bullshit.Copy !req
48. And highly inaccurate.
"Little Red Riding Hood"?Copy !req
49. You know,
that's a tale about a gruesome,Copy !req
50. unsolved child abduction.Copy !req
51. That's not true.
I don't believe you.Copy !req
52. Really?
You're an expert, are you?Copy !req
53. What about this one,
"Rumpelstiltskin"?Copy !req
54. "Rumpled dick skin," more like.Copy !req
55. You know that's how he got
his name, this chap?Copy !req
56. - Doesn't say that in the book.
- What's "dick skin"?Copy !req
57. What is dick skin?
That's a bloody good question.Copy !req
58. And not one
that you should be asking.Copy !req
59. Let's get on with the last song.Copy !req
60. So you will be meeting
with Xerxes.Copy !req
61. Okay? He's the one
that they've elected leader.Copy !req
62. - Oh!
- And here he is.
May I present Xerxes.Copy !req
63. Hello, X... rexes.Copy !req
64. Xerxes, why don't you start?Copy !req
65. He says, "Thank you
for taking the timeCopy !req
66. to work through these issues."Copy !req
67. Very good. Oh.Copy !req
68. "We have a list of demands
to be addressed."Copy !req
69. - Fine.
- "Number one.Copy !req
70. "We require more than one breakCopy !req
71. "a day so that we may hauntCopy !req
72. the descendants
of our transgressors."Copy !req
73. We would all like to have
more time for our hobbies.Copy !req
74. "Number two.Copy !req
75. "We will not be blamed
for all phantom smells at work.Copy !req
76. "This is an old building
with old pipes, and the smellsCopy !req
77. emanating therefrom
are out of our control."Copy !req
78. Okay! Enough!Copy !req
79. I have given you
and your weird faceless friendsCopy !req
80. a job and a lovely,
warm supply closet to sleep in.Copy !req
81. Without me,
you would have nothing.Copy !req
82. Goodbye. Gamísou.Copy !req
83. I don't have time
for this skatá.Copy !req
84. Mm. "That went well."Copy !req
85. Think that's supposed
to be a joke.Copy !req
86. Wraiths aren't really known
for their sense of humor.Copy !req
87. - "'Twas upon the fourth year
of the Nine Years' WarCopy !req
88. "that the battles of Barfleur
and La HogueCopy !req
89. tested the will
of His Majesty's fleet..."Copy !req
90. Can we please read
one of my books?Copy !req
91. - Absolutely not.
- Please?Copy !req
92. Real books about real peopleCopy !req
93. concerning real things
that happened.Copy !req
94. Oh, Laszlo, just read him
some of that baby bullshitCopy !req
95. - he likes so much.
- Yeah, maybe the oneCopy !req
96. about the elves
and the shoemaker.Copy !req
97. All right.
I'll tell you the real story.Copy !req
98. Some third-rate cobbler
ripped to the titsCopy !req
99. on formaldehyde fumes used
in his leather tanning processCopy !req
100. imagines he's seeing
little elves do all his work.Copy !req
101. Loses his business,
kills himself.Copy !req
102. The end.Copy !req
103. Aha! Yes!Copy !req
104. This will do very nicely.Copy !req
105. Everyone! We're going
to the night market!Copy !req
106. A night market actually exists
in every single town.Copy !req
107. But it is always hidden from the
prying, pathetic eyes of humans.Copy !req
108. The night market is a bit likeCopy !req
109. the famous Italian street fairsCopy !req
110. of Little Italy.Copy !req
111. Very diverse.Copy !req
112. Lots of different cultures
represented.Copy !req
113. Sticky shit all over the ground.Copy !req
114. And a good place to pillage
or barter tchotchkes.Copy !req
115. It is truly the only place where
we can set aside our differencesCopy !req
116. to fuck the other guy
before he fucks you!Copy !req
117. - It's just a work thing.
I'll call you after. I love...
- Okay.Copy !req
118. What do you require from
the night market, my darling?Copy !req
119. Oh, you know,
just a special little somethingCopy !req
120. to help try and solve
my wraith labor problem.Copy !req
121. Will it be safe
for someone like me to go?Copy !req
122. - Meaning as a human?
- I don't care.Copy !req
123. - Yeah, do not worry, Guillermo.
- Hurry up.Copy !req
124. If anyone asks, just say
you're an orc or some shit.Copy !req
125. Well, I don't look like an orc.Copy !req
126. - Do I?
- Mm.Copy !req
127. You could pass.Copy !req
128. I am very excited for this trip
as well.Copy !req
129. Even though we live
in the same house,Copy !req
130. it's so rare
that Nandor asks me alongCopy !req
131. when he has an outing
with his friends, so...Copy !req
132. You know what?
I changed my mind.Copy !req
133. - Nice work.
- I think I'd rather
just stay home.Copy !req
134. Oh, no. Marwa, this is
a big fat bummer I am hearing.Copy !req
135. But, okay, fine.
I miss you already.Copy !req
136. - Bye.
- Come on.Copy !req
137. Of course Marwa
is my one true love.Copy !req
138. But she's always hanging around.Copy !req
139. Sometimes it's just more fun
to hang with just the boys.Copy !req
140. Yes. This is the one
that goes to the night market.Copy !req
141. - Come on. Come.
- Come on, boy.
- I'm going.Copy !req
142. - Quickly, quickly.
- Are you sure about this?
This looks likeCopy !req
143. a regular train
full of normal people.Copy !req
144. How dare you question me.Copy !req
145. Ah. Attention,
ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
146. If I could just have
a few moments of your time.Copy !req
147. I'm trying to raise money
for my Uncle Jeffrey.Copy !req
148. He needs a new heart.Copy !req
149. So please enjoy this performanceCopy !req
150. and know that anything
you can give, anything,Copy !req
151. will help.Copy !req
152. - Oh, wow.Copy !req
153. - Disgusting.Copy !req
154. - That is dynamite.Copy !req
155. All right!Copy !req
156. If you're still here,
you know why you're here.Copy !req
157. Next stop, the night market.Copy !req
158. - Told you.
- He was fantastic.
- Well done.Copy !req
159. - Are you still doing requests?
Not for a couple hours.Copy !req
160. - Ah.
- Ooh. Looks pretty busy.Copy !req
161. Okay. Everyone.Copy !req
162. Come on, boy. Don't get lost.Copy !req
163. - Come on.
- Exciting.Copy !req
164. Night market awaits.Copy !req
165. Holy cow. Look at all of this.Copy !req
166. - This is pretty cool.
- Put that down.
They're overpriced.Copy !req
167. Darling, maybe it's time
to get you a new coffin.Copy !req
168. - No.
- Put your kids in cages!Copy !req
169. Witches.Copy !req
170. Yes, how much
for that one up there?Copy !req
171. - You don't need any more cages.
- Shh!Copy !req
172. While it is progressive
that the night marketCopy !req
173. is a safe space
for all of demonkind,Copy !req
174. sadly, we have no one form
of currency between us all,Copy !req
175. so we have to rely
on the old ways.Copy !req
176. Stinks. Oh.Copy !req
177. AKA the bartering system.Copy !req
178. Lots of people
usually end up dead.Copy !req
179. I say, do you have
any historical books?Copy !req
180. I do, sir.Copy !req
181. Luckily, I come from a long lineCopy !req
182. of highly-skilled hagglers.Copy !req
183. My giagiá, she once traded
just a little bitCopy !req
184. of her thigh meat
for a whole bag of onions.Copy !req
185. So, yeah, I think
I know what I'm doing.Copy !req
186. We're here.Copy !req
187. Hey, girlfriends!Copy !req
188. How's it hanging?Copy !req
189. - Ja.
- Ja.Copy !req
190. Valkyries are
a group of maidensCopy !req
191. who were sent by the gods
to the Viking battlefieldsCopy !req
192. so they could choose
who amongst the slainCopy !req
193. they thought was worthy
of a place in Valhalla.Copy !req
194. They are, um, interesting folk.Copy !req
195. Eh. They're quite...Copy !req
196. They've got zero banter.Copy !req
197. Absolutely no laughs whatsoever.Copy !req
198. Okay.Copy !req
199. Hold on to your huvudbonader,
ladies,Copy !req
200. because I don't think you'll
find this little tasty pieceCopy !req
201. while antiquing in Connecticut.Copy !req
202. Note the cobalt blue glaze.Copy !req
203. The white base.Copy !req
204. And use of porcelain interior.Copy !req
205. - Ja.
- Ja.Copy !req
206. I literallyCopy !req
207. just grabbed this from Nandor's
room before I left the house.Copy !req
208. Now, what do your books
tell you about fairies?Copy !req
209. Well, fairies are pretty little
women that can fly around,Copy !req
210. and they live in mushrooms.Copy !req
211. Really? A likely story.Copy !req
212. What do we have here?Copy !req
213. A rancid pail of garbage.Copy !req
214. Hello, my beauties.Copy !req
215. - Laszlo!
- Laszlo!
- You're looking...Copy !req
216. healthy.Copy !req
217. Yeah, we've been eating garbage.Copy !req
218. Yeah. Love to chat, but, uh...Copy !req
219. got things to do.Copy !req
220. Enjoy your pile of shit.Copy !req
221. - Fuck off. Close the lid.
- Yeah, fucking close it.
- Yeah, yeah, well, I am gonna.Copy !req
222. - I just said that, didn't I?
- Stop talking.
Fucking close the lid.Copy !req
223. Fucking... Whoa.Copy !req
224. Real fairies.Copy !req
225. Well, go on, then.Copy !req
226. - They smelled like shit.Copy !req
227. - Oh, wicker baskets.
I love these!
- No.Copy !req
228. You don't need any more
wicker bask... Oh! Sorry.Copy !req
229. What human
dare mingle amongst us?Copy !req
230. - Uh, I'm not a human.Copy !req
231. Um...Copy !req
232. I'm an orc.Copy !req
233. - My mistake. Have a good one.
- Yeah.Copy !req
234. Thank you.Copy !req
235. Do I really look
that much like an orc?Copy !req
236. - All right!Copy !req
237. Excellent. You will love this!Copy !req
238. - What, what is this?
- This is the familiar fights!Copy !req
239. - Wait, what?
- I haven't been
to one of these in ages.Copy !req
240. And another sort of weak,Copy !req
241. flailing blow to the paunch.Copy !req
242. Neither of these two
in any condition to be fighting.Copy !req
243. Basically, a vampire will say,
"I have the toughest familiar."Copy !req
244. And then another vampire
will be like,Copy !req
245. "No, my familiar
is even tougher."Copy !req
246. And then they get the familiars
to fight each other,Copy !req
247. and whichever familiar kicks the
shit out of the other familiar,Copy !req
248. he is the winner.Copy !req
249. That sounds absolutely terrible.Copy !req
250. Crush his bones! Yeah!Copy !req
251. Look at him go.Copy !req
252. That's got to not
hurt that much.Copy !req
253. Oh, yeah. I think
we should break the arm.Copy !req
254. Break his arm!Copy !req
255. - Don't break his arm.
- Oh!Copy !req
256. That's nothing. In the old days,Copy !req
257. they used to tear the head off.Copy !req
258. What are we thinking, folks?
Should we do the head?Copy !req
259. - Oh, great, they're still
doing that. Yes!
- Oh, no.Copy !req
260. - No, shouldn't do the head.
Head! Head! Head! Head!Copy !req
261. Head! Head! Head!
Head! Head! Head!Copy !req
262. Head! Head! Head!Copy !req
263. Head! Head! Head! Head!
Head! Head! Head...Copy !req
264. I think I want to do the head.Copy !req
265. - Yay!
- Head! Head! Head! Head!Copy !req
266. Give it up for our new familiarCopy !req
267. champion, this
piece of shit right here.Copy !req
268. How are you supporting this?
It's so wrong in so many ways.Copy !req
269. You're right, it is.Copy !req
270. 'Cause you could take
any of these guys.Copy !req
271. - That's besides the point.
- Hey!Copy !req
272. This vampire here thinks
that his familiarCopy !req
273. can beat any of our familiars!Copy !req
274. - Prove it!
- Take off that tailcoat.Copy !req
275. - Yes, okay,
let's do it, come on.
- No.Copy !req
276. I'm not gonna do it.
I'm not doing it.Copy !req
277. - Come on, let's do it.
- I'm not...Copy !req
278. - doing it.
- Right.Copy !req
279. Uh, no, no.Copy !req
280. My familiar will not
be fighting tonight.Copy !req
281. Boring!Copy !req
282. Why? Is the little guy scared?Copy !req
283. - No!
- No, Master...Copy !req
284. the only thing
my familiar is scared ofCopy !req
285. is beating all of your familiarsCopy !req
286. all at once, 'cause that's
how tough my familiar is.Copy !req
287. - Keep dreaming!Copy !req
288. Oh, them's fighting words.Copy !req
289. Why did you say that?Copy !req
290. They insulted you, Guillermo.Copy !req
291. And insulting you
is insulting me.Copy !req
292. It is a matter of honor now.Copy !req
293. - Okay, he wants in!
- He wants in! Oh!Copy !req
294. - He's gonna get it!Copy !req
295. You're gonna get it.Copy !req
296. What's your name, little buddy?Copy !req
297. - No one gives a shit.
Let's fight.Copy !req
298. So, my trading
is going very well.Copy !req
299. To the Valkyries I gaveCopy !req
300. the vase, and then they gave meCopy !req
301. their rarest delicacy—Copy !req
302. the little meatballs
in the brown water.Copy !req
303. I don't know why
Valkyries sell meatballsCopy !req
304. and furniture,
but I'm not going to criticizeCopy !req
305. the ways of other cultures.Copy !req
306. The little tiny meatballs,Copy !req
307. I traded with the Imps,Copy !req
308. 'cause the Imps love tiny foods.Copy !req
309. Thanks, guys.Copy !req
310. It's a comedy T-shirt!Copy !req
311. I just know that
there's going to be someoneCopy !req
312. who very much wants
to trade for this.Copy !req
313. You got this, Guillermo!Copy !req
314. Just hit him! Just hit him!Copy !req
315. That's got to be the Dodge of
the Night— Dodge of the Night,Copy !req
316. brought to you
by Dodge Ram trucks.Copy !req
317. Check out the new 2022
Ram Pickup at your local...Copy !req
318. Look, I don't want
to hurt you, okay?Copy !req
319. Don't run away from him!Copy !req
320. Hit him!Copy !req
321. Whoa!Copy !req
322. That little fucker can move.Copy !req
323. Sorry. Are you okay?Copy !req
324. - That's my fucking guy!
- I didn't touch him.Copy !req
325. He did it to himself, okay?Copy !req
326. Zero blows taken, zero landed.Copy !req
327. They can't
all be bloodbaths, folks.Copy !req
328. But we have ourselvesCopy !req
329. - a new winner— this guy!
- Yes! Suck it!Copy !req
330. - Suck it!
- Let's haveCopy !req
331. another fight.
Hopefully he dies.Copy !req
332. Now, my point is, sometimesCopy !req
333. grownups lie to children
when the truthCopy !req
334. is too horrifying for them.Copy !req
335. - For instance,
that Pinocchio there.
- Whoa.Copy !req
336. See his nose— don't stare—
it's just a medical condition.Copy !req
337. - It's got bugger all
to do with lying.
- Oh.Copy !req
338. - And as far as I know,
he was never a puppet.
- Okay.Copy !req
339. - Behind us, see those
garden gnomes?
- Yeah.Copy !req
340. - Well, they're real.
Think they look happy?
- I guess.Copy !req
341. They're not.
They're shit scared.Copy !req
342. - You stare at them, they freeze.
- That's sad.Copy !req
343. And sometimes grownups
lie to childrenCopy !req
344. - 'cause the truth
is just so boring.
- Okay.Copy !req
345. - Now, you've read The Emperor's
New Clothes, right?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
346. Well, here's one now.Copy !req
347. So, he's just
a common German nudist.Copy !req
348. And behind him is a witch.Copy !req
349. They're very real,
and one day, they'll fightCopy !req
350. - to get hold of your semen.
- Oh.Copy !req
351. - But not in a fun way.
- What's semen?Copy !req
352. Hit him! Hit him!Copy !req
353. - I'm not gonna hit him, okay?Copy !req
354. Okay, that was really close
to my face.Copy !req
355. Come on, don't play
with our food.Copy !req
356. For me, just him just once!Copy !req
357. And another high-flying
capoeira kick that does nothing.Copy !req
358. Look, we don't
have to do this, okay?Copy !req
359. We're both familiars.Copy !req
360. - So why don't we just sha...
- Smoke in the face.Copy !req
361. - That's got to hurt.
- Don't let him do that, hey!Copy !req
362. Whoa! Oh! What the...Copy !req
363. I'm just trying to talk to you
like a regular person.Copy !req
364. You're being kind
of a fucking dick, okay?Copy !req
365. - Yeah, now hit him!
- Look, we don't have
to do this. We're both human.Copy !req
366. - Come on!
- Okay! Are you okay?Copy !req
367. You're dead!
Finish him! Hit him!Copy !req
368. Now it seems like the hot one's
running out of steam.Copy !req
369. Are you okay?Copy !req
370. Stop talking to him
and just hit him, Guillermo!Copy !req
371. You know, nowadays there's
really no reason to smoke.Copy !req
372. He's going down! Hit him!Copy !req
373. Now our familiar's
having an asthma attack.Copy !req
374. - Is there a doctor?
- Ay...Copy !req
375. - Is someone a doctor? Somebody?Copy !req
376. We're not hurting anyone to...Copy !req
377. Aw, fuck.Copy !req
378. And we have ourselves
a winner again.Copy !req
379. Suck it!Copy !req
380. - You suck it! You suck it!
- Yay.Copy !req
381. He won again. Yay.Copy !req
382. It's this way.Copy !req
383. So, the night market
kind of goes on forever.Copy !req
384. - Afternoon.Copy !req
385. It's sort of infinite
and it has dark, dirtier sides.Copy !req
386. Bit like me.Copy !req
387. Nice place.Copy !req
388. Just gonna take a little
look around or whatever.Copy !req
389. Small skull, nice.Copy !req
390. You got some nice stuff.Copy !req
391. Not what I'm
looking for, though.Copy !req
392. I think what I'm looking for...Copy !req
393. might be something that you
might put under the counter.Copy !req
394. How do I know
you're not with some formCopy !req
395. of law enforcement?Copy !req
396. Hey! Fuck you, man.Copy !req
397. Would a cop have this?Copy !req
398. A piece of clothing
with a very misogynistic jokeCopy !req
399. that makes a complete mockeryCopy !req
400. of common traffic safety laws.Copy !req
401. - Huh? Huh?
- The bitch fell off.Copy !req
402. I think even my bitch
would get a kick out of that.Copy !req
403. Yeah, she would.Copy !req
404. All right,
you give me that shirt,Copy !req
405. I got what you're looking for.Copy !req
406. - I need eyes on it.
- All right.Copy !req
407. Keep your knickers on.Copy !req
408. Let me have a look down here.Copy !req
409. Here we go.Copy !req
410. I think, uh, thisCopy !req
411. is up your alley.Copy !req
412. We have a deal!
Take the stupid shirt.Copy !req
413. - Yes!
- We got a winner.Copy !req
414. He stole her glasses
and she couldn't see.Copy !req
415. - Boring.Copy !req
416. Give me my glasses back.Copy !req
417. I'm gonna give
your glasses to your master.Copy !req
418. - Lot of jawboning going on.
- Okay?Copy !req
419. Here you go.
It was nice meeting you, okay?Copy !req
420. a little less hot air,
but I present to youCopy !req
421. our new familiar champion,
this guy right here.Copy !req
422. Never caught his name,
never caught his name.Copy !req
423. And as a reward,Copy !req
424. what we all know
humans love most.Copy !req
425. Some dried-up dog food.Copy !req
426. They love that shit.Copy !req
427. They love it.
And nowCopy !req
428. - it is time for our main event.
- Yes.Copy !req
429. - Our champion familiar versus...
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
430. our champion vampire,Copy !req
431. Gorgo the Murderer!Copy !req
432. - Look at him!Copy !req
433. I'm gonna murder you
so fucking hard.Copy !req
434. - Undefeated
when it comes to murder.
- Aah!Copy !req
435. Give us one moment.Copy !req
436. Murder him! Murder him...Copy !req
437. You shouldn't fight this guy.Copy !req
438. This is a guy that's gonna
rip your head clean off.Copy !req
439. Actually, he's not.
He's a vampire.Copy !req
440. And, remember,
I'm a vampire-killer.Copy !req
441. Oh, yes, I always forget that.Copy !req
442. Okay then, go kill him!
Go kill him!Copy !req
443. Go kill him! Go!Copy !req
444. Just one second.Copy !req
445. Sorry, once second. What?Copy !req
446. What's gonna happen when a room
full of vampires seesCopy !req
447. a familiar kill a vampire
for the first time?Copy !req
448. Good point. Wait.Copy !req
449. I think I have an idea.Copy !req
450. - We leave?
- No.Copy !req
451. Vampires!Copy !req
452. Can I just...
Give me that.Copy !req
453. Vampires, a fightCopy !req
454. between this poor familiar...Copy !req
455. my closest companion
for 13 years?Copy !req
456. - Yeah!
- Against thisCopy !req
457. ruthless vampire?Copy !req
458. This is sick! This is...Copy !req
459. Sorry. Can I just...Copy !req
460. Thank you. This is... Not you.Copy !req
461. This is sick!Copy !req
462. But you know what wouldCopy !req
463. be even more sick?Copy !req
464. - What?
- A battleCopy !req
465. between himCopy !req
466. and me.Copy !req
467. Who wants to see me pulverizeCopy !req
468. my closest companion
of 13 years?Copy !req
469. - Yeah!
- Who wants to see that?Copy !req
470. Kill your friend!Copy !req
471. Kill your friend!
Kill your friend...Copy !req
472. Right! I'm going
to kill my friend!Copy !req
473. Kill your friend!
Kill your friend!Copy !req
474. Oh, this isn't gonna take
very long, ladies and germs.Copy !req
475. Kill my friend.Copy !req
476. Kill your friend—
that's what we all want to see.Copy !req
477. All right, here we go, baby!Copy !req
478. - Circling...
- Kill your friend!
Kill your friend...Copy !req
479. - circling...
- I'm not gonna hurt you,
Guillermo.Copy !req
480. I'm just gonna take you out
with one punch,Copy !req
481. and then carry your body away.Copy !req
482. Don't you think we should put onCopy !req
483. a little bit of a show
for them, at least?Copy !req
484. It's implausible
that it would take any longerCopy !req
485. than five seconds
for me to beat you.Copy !req
486. Is it, though?
I mean, remember last time?Copy !req
487. - Hey!Copy !req
488. Please, I let you win
to teach you a lesson.Copy !req
489. And, anyway, you did cheat
just a little bit.Copy !req
490. I didn't cheat.Copy !req
491. You did just a little bit.Copy !req
492. I didn't have to.Copy !req
493. Come on, this is boring!
- Okay...Copy !req
494. little man, bring your best.Copy !req
495. Okay, looks like
the little guy's voguing now.Copy !req
496. Whoa!Copy !req
497. We got stakes! We got stakes.Copy !req
498. - You cheeky little shit!
- Oh, the stakes are high.Copy !req
499. - Come here!
- Oh, we got ourselves a fight,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
500. We got ourselves a fight.Copy !req
501. Come on, kill your friend.Copy !req
502. Oh, and we're doing flips...Copy !req
503. He killed my friend.Copy !req
504. - What the fuck?
- That was a mistake.Copy !req
505. Stop throwing stakes.Copy !req
506. - It's rude.
- Keep going, or...Copy !req
507. Eh.Copy !req
508. Holy shit, he's
Phantom Menacing.Copy !req
509. Lot of flash.Copy !req
510. Regular Darth Maul, Jr.
over here.Copy !req
511. I call him Darth Small.Copy !req
512. - Whoa!
- Aah!Copy !req
513. Boom goes the dynamite!Copy !req
514. I am the winner!Copy !req
515. Uhp, and look, and there
he goes. He's on the run.Copy !req
516. That's right,
you don't fuck with me!Copy !req
517. Dumb move to run from a vampire.Copy !req
518. - I am the winner!
- Then again, he is a familiar.Copy !req
519. And they're known
for being dumb pieces of shit.Copy !req
520. Uh, your friend's up there.Copy !req
521. The fuck?Copy !req
522. There he is, go! Kill him!Copy !req
523. - Murder him!
- Oh.Copy !req
524. That's nice.
How much for this one?Copy !req
525. It's getting slicey.Copy !req
526. We got a swordfight.Copy !req
527. Getting a little edgy.
Whoa!Copy !req
528. Collateral damage, but we love
to see it, folks.Copy !req
529. - Look what you made me do!
- What?Copy !req
530. Guillermo, you're really
starting to piss me off!Copy !req
531. - Now he's swinging.
- It was
your idea, remember?Copy !req
532. - Get back here!
- This is your plan!Copy !req
533. - Stop hiding behind Greg!
- Why are you
mad at me?Copy !req
534. - Sorry, can I...
- Is this still part of the game?Copy !req
535. - Fuck you!
- Now we're
getting somewhere.Copy !req
536. Okay, that fucking hurts,
you fucking dick!Copy !req
537. - Ah, you're disarmed!Copy !req
538. - Get back.Copy !req
539. - Aah!
- Shit.Copy !req
540. I guess Peter Pan can't fly.Copy !req
541. Oopsies.Copy !req
542. A predictable end, but an endCopy !req
543. - nonetheless.
- Yeah!Copy !req
544. - Are you not entertained?
- I killed my friend!Copy !req
545. I killed my friend!Copy !req
546. I may have killed my friend.Copy !req
547. Oh, shit! He's got a shovel!Copy !req
548. Hey-oh!Copy !req
549. Finish him! Finish him!Copy !req
550. Finish him!Copy !req
551. Finish him! Finish him!Copy !req
552. They are right, Guillermo.Copy !req
553. Finish me.Copy !req
554. - Finish him! Finish him!
- Finish
that motherfucker!Copy !req
555. Finish me!Copy !req
556. What kind of a vampire am ICopy !req
557. if cannot even defeat
my own familiar?Copy !req
558. I'm not gonna
finish anyone, okay?Copy !req
559. I'm gonna let you win.Copy !req
560. I don't really want to kill you,
but if it is the only way,Copy !req
561. - then thank you.
- What? No.Copy !req
562. I don't mean really kill me.Copy !req
563. Just, like, pretend to snap
my neck or something,Copy !req
564. so we can get
the hell out of here.Copy !req
565. - That's a much better plan.
- I want to seeCopy !req
566. - the blood!
- Ready?
- Ready.Copy !req
567. Hey!Copy !req
568. - Snap!
Oh! Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
569. He's dead as a doornail.Copy !req
570. Dead as doornail,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
571. We learned a lot tonight here
at familiar fights.Copy !req
572. A lot about friendship,
and how stupidCopy !req
573. and false and artificial it is.Copy !req
574. - You okay?
- Hey, folks,
make sureCopy !req
575. to take your familiar corpses
with you as you leave.Copy !req
576. One moment.Copy !req
577. I'll be right with you, Xerxes.Copy !req
578. - So...Copy !req
579. we went to the night market
last night.Copy !req
580. Oh, my, the night market,
what fun.Copy !req
581. - Mm.
- I already had plans last night,Copy !req
582. so it's a good thing
I didn't get invited.Copy !req
583. And, here, I got you a gift.Copy !req
584. It came with these weird vials
of whatever this is.Copy !req
585. I think I'll probably
just keep all of these.Copy !req
586. And you can use the box to store
your brooches or whatever.Copy !req
587. This is for me? This is so kind.Copy !req
588. I am very kind.
Very good boss.Copy !req
589. I cannot remember the last timeCopy !req
590. someone got me a gift.Copy !req
591. And I do have a lot of brooches.Copy !req
592. - I didn't think
anyone noticed...
- Oh!Copy !req
593. You have detectedCopy !req
594. the sweet,
intoxicating scent of the...Copy !req
595. Water Lily of The Nile.Copy !req
596. - Haven't you, Xerxes?
- Uh-oh.Copy !req
597. Water LilyCopy !req
598. of the Nile.Copy !req
599. That is what they call it.Copy !req
600. It's a medicinal flower.Copy !req
601. It's a narcotic
that the EgyptiansCopy !req
602. used to bury
with their dead in orderCopy !req
603. to help ease the sufferings
of the afterlife.Copy !req
604. And according
to the Compendium Narcoticum,Copy !req
605. Some third-rate cobbler...
- it is the only drugCopy !req
606. that helps with the pain
of being a wraith.Copy !req
607. Very hard to come by.Copy !req
608. And it is saidCopy !req
609. that those little gobshites
will do anything for it.Copy !req
610. Do I have enough of these to
give to all of the wraiths? No.Copy !req
611. Do I have enough of these
to give to the one wraithCopy !req
612. who tells all the other wraiths
what to do?Copy !req
613. Maybe.Copy !req
614. I think that is probably
all I need.Copy !req
615. Don't you?Copy !req
616. He won't do it.Copy !req
617. Union solidarity
is a big deal to them.Copy !req
618. "We have a deal."Copy !req
619. There you go. Pleasure
doing business with you.Copy !req
620. That's how it's done.Copy !req
621. I don't think they're happy.Copy !req
622. If they all vote,
he can overrule them, right?Copy !req
623. - What?Copy !req
624. Oh!Copy !req
625. Oh, no!Copy !req
626. Mm, shit, shit, shit.Copy !req
627. "Xerxes is no longer our leader.Copy !req
628. Also, he is dead."
Obviously.Copy !req
629. Fine! Fuck it!Copy !req
630. You can have Mondays off
with pay.Copy !req
631. And I will build you fiveCopy !req
632. new supply closets
for you to sleep in.Copy !req
633. - Now get back to work!Copy !req
634. There we go.Copy !req
635. I know you've had
a disappointing day,Copy !req
636. so no rehearsal tonight.Copy !req
637. Would you like me to read one
of your fairy stories to you?Copy !req
638. Uh, that's okay.
I-I don't thinkCopy !req
639. I want to read those anymore.Copy !req
640. Maybe, can you read me somethingCopy !req
641. from one of your real books
about real stuff?Copy !req
642. I thought you'd never ask.Copy !req
643. One of my personal favorites.
Oh, yes.Copy !req
644. "The village of Holcomb standsCopy !req
645. "on the high
wheat plains of western Kansas,Copy !req
646. a lonesome area that other
Kansans call 'out there.'"Copy !req
647. - Are you still awake?
- Um, yeah.Copy !req
648. It gets very heavy
from here on in.Copy !req