1. Look at this line.Copy !req
2. This is the big opening
of our nightclubCopy !req
3. and everyone is here.Copy !req
4. Grundwulf, you old fornicator,Copy !req
5. don't you look snazzy?Copy !req
6. Frau Blixen, you bitch.Copy !req
7. To launch our grand opening,
we are going to be presentingCopy !req
8. the one and the only—Copy !req
9. drumroll—Copy !req
10. Richie Suck!Copy !req
11. - Wow!Copy !req
12. If you are a vampire,
then you will knowCopy !req
13. who Richie Suck is.Copy !req
14. He is probably the greatest
vampire rap artistCopy !req
15. of all time.Copy !req
16. He's actually sucked
Richie Suck,Copy !req
17. haven't you, Phillip?Copy !req
18. Bitin' My Style or
Sundown Funtown.Copy !req
19. And everyone knows
Throat Juice.Copy !req
20. "Gonna bust looseCopy !req
21. "on the club roofCopy !req
22. "sucking throat juiceCopy !req
23. like it's Grey Goose."Copy !req
24. Richie Suck has not performedCopy !req
25. or put out any new music
for ten years.Copy !req
26. It is said that he has gone
into seclusionCopy !req
27. to work on
his ultimate masterpiece.Copy !req
28. Doing his first live
performance in over a decadeCopy !req
29. is a very huge deal for him.Copy !req
30. And it's also
a huge deal for us.Copy !req
31. This is my club, everyone,
just so you know.Copy !req
32. I'm Nadja,Copy !req
33. and it's called Nadja's.Copy !req
34. It's my club!Copy !req
35. Coming through, that's right.Copy !req
36. Um, we're going to try
and keep these dogs at bayCopy !req
37. for another hour or two,
okay, guys?Copy !req
38. 'Cause we want to try and
build anticipation and desire.Copy !req
39. I can't tell if she heard me.Copy !req
40. Does anyone down here
want to see Richie Suck?Copy !req
41. I said, are there any vampires
in this motherfucking dungeonCopy !req
42. who want to see Richie Suck?Copy !req
43. And you'll just have to wait
a little bit longerCopy !req
44. and then you will pay her,Copy !req
45. and then you'll probably have
to wait a little bit longer.Copy !req
46. - Yay, we love to wait.Copy !req
47. - Yeah!Copy !req
48. Um, if any of them try
to start to kill you,Copy !req
49. just let me know and I will send
someone down to take your place.Copy !req
50. Love the pillows.Copy !req
51. I know you haven't had
a pillow before,Copy !req
52. but they have to be soft.Copy !req
53. Everything is in order,
Mistress Nadja.Copy !req
54. The wraiths have topped off
the blood sprinklers.Copy !req
55. Wonderful.Copy !req
56. People think that
a vampire nightclubCopy !req
57. is just a 24-hour
live suck-and-fuck festCopy !req
58. that prints money.Copy !req
59. - But it is not.
- No, it's a lot
of hard work.Copy !req
60. Nandor.Copy !req
61. What are you doing
just stood thereCopy !req
62. like a big fat mopey load?Copy !req
63. - Where is your undead fiancée?
- Marwa is at home.Copy !req
64. I'm kind of giving her
some space.Copy !req
65. Oh.Copy !req
66. Can you go and stand over there
and just pretend not to listen?Copy !req
67. I can do that.Copy !req
68. Trouble in paradise
already, is it?Copy !req
69. It's just...
Marwa is the perfect woman.Copy !req
70. - Right.
- And I've got the djinnCopy !req
71. to make her even more perfect.Copy !req
72. I mean, you should see
the modificationsCopy !req
73. we've done to her ass.Copy !req
74. - But...
- Ass, butt,Copy !req
75. whatever you want to call it.
It is now perfect.Copy !req
76. But... the problem is...Copy !req
77. Again, the butt
is not the problem.Copy !req
78. The problem is
that she is so perfect.Copy !req
79. I am just worried that...Copy !req
80. I am not perfect enough for her.Copy !req
81. It's never too late
to do some improvementsCopy !req
82. on yourself, so as...Copy !req
83. you would be deserving
of her love, huh?Copy !req
84. Yes.Copy !req
85. I had not thought of that.Copy !req
86. Thank you. I will try this.Copy !req
87. - And nice hats.
- Thank you.Copy !req
88. It's okay, thank you.
Don't mind if I do?Copy !req
89. - Ooh, so exciting, ha!Copy !req
90. - Mistress Nadja?
- Yes?Copy !req
91. I am afraid Richie Suck
has cancelled.Copy !req
92. What?Copy !req
93. - Motherfucker!Copy !req
94. - Oh, shit.Copy !req
95. Richie Suck lives
in a smokestack?Copy !req
96. Okay, when we get inside,Copy !req
97. I'm going to go in and scare him
and be the bad cop,Copy !req
98. and you're going to go to him
and be very friendly.Copy !req
99. - The good cop, you know?
- I ain't a cop.Copy !req
100. It's a tactic.Copy !req
101. Look, I ain't a cop
or a narc or a snitch.Copy !req
102. It is pretend.
Keep your perm on.Copy !req
103. Open up!Copy !req
104. Can I help you?Copy !req
105. Where the hell is Richie Suck?
Take us to him at once.Copy !req
106. My master is not
to be disturbed.Copy !req
107. He's resting right now.Copy !req
108. Like hell he is.Copy !req
109. He's supposed to be
performing tonight.Copy !req
110. I'm not inviting you in.Copy !req
111. Hey, Tom. Just let them in, Tom.Copy !req
112. Oh, come on.Copy !req
113. Sounded like an invite to me.Copy !req
114. - Thank you.
- Move.Copy !req
115. Okay, you pussy bitch,
I'm telling you,Copy !req
116. you cannot cancel the show.Copy !req
117. What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
118. - Chillin'?
- Chilling?Copy !req
119. You need to leave.Copy !req
120. My master is way
too tired for this.Copy !req
121. - Good night.Copy !req
122. Richie Suck, who the hell
is this jackzass?Copy !req
123. - This is my familiar, Tom.
- Doctor Tom.Copy !req
124. And you let him speak
to you like this?Copy !req
125. I take care of my master.Copy !req
126. He's been traumatized
by the music business.Copy !req
127. Okay, okay. Begone, familiar.Copy !req
128. I'm not speaking to you.Copy !req
129. This is a vampires-only
discussion.Copy !req
130. Right, Richie?Copy !req
131. Tom protects me from myself,Copy !req
132. so you need to be respectful.Copy !req
133. - Of a familiar?
- I have a name.Copy !req
134. Shut up, familiar Tom.Copy !req
135. - It's "Doctor Tom."
- Oh. A doctor?Copy !req
136. Diagnose this.Copy !req
137. It's a middle finger in my face.Copy !req
138. He's a good doctor.Copy !req
139. Hey, guys, what's up?Copy !req
140. Before we dive in,
be sure to smashCopy !req
141. the like button and subscribe.Copy !req
142. It really helps up
my channel a lot.Copy !req
143. So...Copy !req
144. Baby Colin is growing
at an alarming rate.Copy !req
145. Check out this village
from Infinity Wars.Copy !req
146. It's cool, right?Copy !req
147. I mean, last weekCopy !req
148. he was in diapers, and this weekCopy !req
149. he looks like a six,
seven-year-old, maybe?Copy !req
150. I mean, every time I buy him
a new pair of shoes,Copy !req
151. he outgrows them between
breakfast and lunch.Copy !req
152. But guess what? You can mod itCopy !req
153. so it looks just like
the set of South Pacific.Copy !req
154. - I turn the set...
- Oh, no. Gizmo.Copy !req
155. There you are. What the fuck
have you got that boy doing?Copy !req
156. What? I didn't do anything.
He does that all on his own.Copy !req
157. - I told you
I wanted him to grow up...
- See?Copy !req
158. to be an interesting
son of a bitch,Copy !req
159. practicing fine art and culture.Copy !req
160. So how come he's still
doing this boring shit?Copy !req
161. To him, this isn't boring.
He's just like any other kidCopy !req
162. who likes Legos and Roblox
and Nerf guns and musi...Copy !req
163. - All that stuff.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. And musi...?Copy !req
164. - What?
- And musi...?Copy !req
165. What were you going to say?Copy !req
166. Okay.Copy !req
167. He really loves
musical theater.Copy !req
168. Oh, no.Copy !req
169. What hath the dark lord wrought?Copy !req
170. Stop, okay?
Maybe it's good for him.Copy !req
171. Maybe it's good for him.
It's a good art,Copy !req
172. no different than
literature or the cinema...Copy !req
173. It is not like any other art.Copy !req
174. Musical theater is the lowest
of all entertainments.Copy !req
175. It's a gutter pantomime,Copy !req
176. performed by half-wits
with painted faces,Copy !req
177. enjoyed by lower wits.Copy !req
178. Maybe some.
But have you ever seen Rent?Copy !req
179. From you? Not a penny.
Anyway. Shut up.Copy !req
180. I forbid it.Copy !req
181. No, he's a child.
This is who he is.Copy !req
182. - And you have to
learn to acce...
- Don't you fuckin' tell me...Copy !req
183. - Hey, guys.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.Copy !req
184. - Great to see you.
- Guess what?
Come look at this.Copy !req
185. Wow, big time studio here.Copy !req
186. Yeah, I got two subscribers.Copy !req
187. You got two subscribers?
Someone's a star.Copy !req
188. - I'm exposingCopy !req
189. my boy to danger.Copy !req
190. Namely, art theft.Copy !req
191. No boy of mine's gonna be a
pasty-faced musical theater nutCopy !req
192. with a Sondheim lyric
for every occasion.Copy !req
193. - Lazzo, guess what?
- What?Copy !req
194. Do you know what knolling is?Copy !req
195. It's... Hey!Copy !req
196. So knolling is this thing
in Legos where you, like,Copy !req
197. organize all the pieces
before you build it. Oh!Copy !req
198. No more musicals and Legos.
It's time to grow up.Copy !req
199. Bat.Copy !req
200. Once I learned how to knoll,Copy !req
201. I threw away all my
Lego instruction booklets.Copy !req
202. Fantastic.Copy !req
203. - Use this magic powder...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
204. to find
the laser alarm triggers.Copy !req
205. Okay. Whoa.Copy !req
206. Then, you have
to avoid the lasers.Copy !req
207. Much like this.Copy !req
208. Oh, ho!Copy !req
209. Hello.Copy !req
210. Oh, yes.Copy !req
211. Fuck it.Copy !req
212. See?Copy !req
213. - You're like a big Slinky.
- All right.Copy !req
214. Then you take this glass cutter
and cut a hole in here.Copy !req
215. - But, Lazzo, guess what?
- What?Copy !req
216. I used knolling when I got
that Stranger Things Lego set.Copy !req
217. I used it to make the library
in The Music Man, which is...Copy !req
218. Boy, we don't have time
for this right now.Copy !req
219. - Let's get on.
- Okay, but, Lazzo, guess what?Copy !req
220. You don't have to keep saying
"Guess what?"Copy !req
221. to preface every remark
that you make.Copy !req
222. Just say whatever the fuck
it is that you want to say.Copy !req
223. Uh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
224. No, look, I'm...Copy !req
225. I'm sorry. What is it
that you wanted to say?Copy !req
226. That set broke, so I shoved
all the pieces under the bed.Copy !req
227. Okay. Fair enough. Now,
can we continue with the crime?Copy !req
228. Yeah, sure. Do you think
that Marian...Copy !req
229. - What the fuck are you doing?
I just said...Copy !req
230. - Shut up.
- ... because it kind of
rhymes with "librarian,"Copy !req
231. or do you think it was so...Copy !req
232. I decidedCopy !req
233. that to improve
my relationship with my fiancéeCopy !req
234. I need to do
some work on myself.Copy !req
235. Hmm. It couldn't hurt.Copy !req
236. Little things like being presentCopy !req
237. - or being a good listener.
- Don't be so stupid, Guillermo.Copy !req
238. I wish to have
the world's biggest penis.Copy !req
239. I see.Copy !req
240. Hmm.Copy !req
241. Of course. Your wish is...Copy !req
242. Oh, actually, can I just callCopy !req
243. a quick time-out?
Can I have a minute with Nandor?Copy !req
244. If you'd be so kind
as to give us a moment, Djinn.Copy !req
245. Is there a reason
why you have delayedCopy !req
246. the bestowal upon me
a giant dick?Copy !req
247. You need to be really
careful here, okay?Copy !req
248. 'Cause these djinns,
they like to be tricky.Copy !req
249. Yes, I have heard this.Copy !req
250. Yeah, and if you're not precise
and perfect with your wish,Copy !req
251. it can come back
to bite you in the ass.Copy !req
252. Are you saying
he's gonna give me a penisCopy !req
253. that's gonna bite me
in my own ass?Copy !req
254. What? No. But may-maybe. Yes.
To teach you a lesson.Copy !req
255. Make sure that it's where
it's supposed to be,Copy !req
256. and not like a random spot
like your forehead.Copy !req
257. I get what you're saying.Copy !req
258. This reminds me of
the tale of the manCopy !req
259. who wished to be
the richest man in the world,Copy !req
260. but was then crushed
under a mountain of gold coins.Copy !req
261. Exactly. Irony.Copy !req
262. Not iron. Gold. Gold coins.
Try to keep up.Copy !req
263. - All right.
- Okay. I'm going to askCopy !req
264. for the world's biggest penis,Copy !req
265. but not so big
that it crushes me.Copy !req
266. Good.Copy !req
267. And that it replaces
my current penis,Copy !req
268. not an additional one.Copy !req
269. Or... extra penisCopy !req
270. attached to the end
of the one I have already.Copy !req
271. We should really be
writing this down.Copy !req
272. Don't worry so much
about the show.Copy !req
273. You can just do the hits
and let us do the rest.Copy !req
274. - And...
- Oh.Copy !req
275. You can have as much blood
as you like.Copy !req
276. - Virgin. Huh?
- No.Copy !req
277. Just a little sippy sip?Copy !req
278. You're not hungry, Master.
That's in your mind.Copy !req
279. - Please.
- No.Copy !req
280. - Just a little sip.
- It's not feeding time.Copy !req
281. - Look...Copy !req
282. I'm sorry.Copy !req
283. - Ew.
- I'm sorry. I love you, Master.Copy !req
284. I'm just here to protect you.Copy !req
285. Obviously, Richie is being
very much manipulatedCopy !req
286. by his familiar, Tom.Copy !req
287. You don't want this.Copy !req
288. It is something that happens.Copy !req
289. Yeah, not so much with vampires,Copy !req
290. but all the time
in the music business.Copy !req
291. So we both thank you very much.Copy !req
292. - I kind of want it, though.
- And we're gonna give it...Copy !req
293. - We're gonna give it back.
- Sippy, sippy.Copy !req
294. - If you can help me...
- Just a little corner, man.Copy !req
295. You don't want it. No blood.Copy !req
296. But we'd like twice the money.Copy !req
297. And we're only doing
new material.Copy !req
298. - Come on.Copy !req
299. It's Richie Suck.Copy !req
300. Featuring DJ Tom Schmidt.Copy !req
301. I thought you were Doctor Tom.Copy !req
302. I'm Doctor Tom, the DJ.Copy !req
303. Okay. Fine. It is settled.Copy !req
304. You will be there, okay?
In 30 minutes.Copy !req
305. I also happen to manage
a small jazz trio.Copy !req
306. It'd be great as an opening act.
They're called the Jazzmen 3.Copy !req
307. They wail.Copy !req
308. Obviously,Copy !req
309. we've got to kill this Tom guy.Copy !req
310. Yes, also very standardCopy !req
311. music business protocol,
but...Copy !req
312. Please, can we put a pin in that
until after the show?Copy !req
313. - Of course.Copy !req
314. It would appear
the boy has no interestCopy !req
315. in larceny or vandalism.Copy !req
316. And obviously,
he's too young for whoring.Copy !req
317. So to keep this excursion from
being a total waste of time,Copy !req
318. I threw him in this dumpster,Copy !req
319. and told him
he wasn't allowed outCopy !req
320. until he'd killed six rats.Copy !req
321. Hey, Lazzo, guess what?Copy !req
322. - What?
- Some dumb idiotCopy !req
323. threw out all these Playbills.Copy !req
324. This one's from Miss Saigon.Copy !req
325. Did you know they used
a real helicopter on stage?Copy !req
326. But I don't think it could fly.Copy !req
327. I think they made it look
that way with ropes...Copy !req
328. - Shut up.
- ... or what have you.Copy !req
329. Unbelievable.Copy !req
330. So we are clear on placement?Copy !req
331. Yes, yes. It should be in the
usual place between the legs.Copy !req
332. Yes, and not
in a separate containerCopy !req
333. such as a jar or a briefcase.Copy !req
334. And not on my chin.Copy !req
335. "Not on chin."Copy !req
336. Fine. So stipulated.Copy !req
337. Well, you know,
I'm used to the questionsCopy !req
338. about the penis enlargementCopy !req
339. because people want
to get it right.Copy !req
340. But, uh, I have to say,
I've never dealt with two peopleCopy !req
341. that are this detail-oriented.Copy !req
342. As far as size goes,Copy !req
343. it should not be so big
that it crushes me.Copy !req
344. What about a mouse?Copy !req
345. For a penis? I don't think so,Copy !req
346. Djinn, you little trickster.Copy !req
347. No, no, I think he means
should the new member beCopy !req
348. big enough that it could
crush a mouse?Copy !req
349. That is actually what I meant.Copy !req
350. Hmm.Copy !req
351. A penis so big
it could crush a mouse...Copy !req
352. - Yes, don't mind if I do.
- Okay.Copy !req
353. Well, I think we're all squared.Copy !req
354. Wait up. One minute.Copy !req
355. One second. My client...Copy !req
356. What they are doing,
it's correct, but, um...Copy !req
357. it's annoying.Copy !req
358. Jazz. Ugh.Copy !req
359. Richie Suck, looking good.Copy !req
360. - Welcome.
- Doctor Tom likes them better.Copy !req
361. Will you please go distractCopy !req
362. that stupid doctor familiar
for a minute?Copy !req
363. Excuse me? Jazz.
What is jazz?Copy !req
364. Richie, baby.Copy !req
365. Who is the vampire,
and who is the familiar?Copy !req
366. - Doctor Tom says...Copy !req
367. Doctor Tom is a familiar.
It doesn't matter what he says.Copy !req
368. You have let a human man
transform you from a wild,Copy !req
369. horny, rampaging artistCopy !req
370. into a little pussy-bitch
who "collaborates"?Copy !req
371. What happened to
the visionary who wroteCopy !req
372. For My Corpsefuckers?Copy !req
373. Man. I really had bars
back in the day.Copy !req
374. Hey, uh...Copy !req
375. Everything okay over there?Copy !req
376. Yes, everything is fine,Copy !req
377. doctor familiar boy.Copy !req
378. Richie, this is
your only chance.Copy !req
379. Speak your truth.Copy !req
380. Take back your life.Copy !req
381. Now, show me those fangs.Copy !req
382. You got to wear them
with pride, baby.Copy !req
383. Eesh.Copy !req
384. Okay, read that back, please.Copy !req
385. "No substitutionCopy !req
386. of whale or
other species penis..."Copy !req
387. - Yes.
- "Party in possession
of new penis...Copy !req
388. That's me.Copy !req
389. "... should be able
to comfortably performCopy !req
390. "physical activitiesCopy !req
391. "such as walking, running,
skipping, crossing legs,Copy !req
392. - etcetera."
- Hmm.Copy !req
393. "Should not requireCopy !req
394. purchase of new clothes."Copy !req
395. Now, are you sure
about that one?Copy !req
396. Why do you ask?Copy !req
397. Ninety percent of my business
is penis enlargements.Copy !req
398. - That much? Really?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
399. And most clients don't mind
buying new clothesCopy !req
400. to feature the updated package.Copy !req
401. Hmm.Copy !req
402. - Fine. Strike it out.
- Very well.Copy !req
403. It has been struck.Copy !req
404. - Darling?Copy !req
405. I'm not doing anything!Copy !req
406. Just business stuff.Copy !req
407. Okay, I hate to interrupt
your business,Copy !req
408. but I know you wish to see
Richie Suck at the club.Copy !req
409. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
410. - Almost done, my morning star.
- Okay.Copy !req
411. - I see you soon.
- Richie Suck,Copy !req
412. - the rap artist?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
413. Oh, my cousin granted his wish
to get five mics in The Source.Copy !req
414. - Can we wrap this up, please?
- Okay.Copy !req
415. You guys said you wanted
to circle backCopy !req
416. to some concerns
about the balls?Copy !req
417. - Yes.
- Yes, let's talk balls.Copy !req
418. Why are you sad, Lazzo?Copy !req
419. I'm not sad, my boy.
I'm just reflective.Copy !req
420. When I was your age,Copy !req
421. my nanny and my piano.Copy !req
422. And my father took them both.Copy !req
423. Then he sent me off
to boarding schoolCopy !req
424. - to give me polish.
- Okay.Copy !req
425. It wasn't such a waste of time.Copy !req
426. I learned how to cheat at cards,Copy !req
427. hit the other fellow
before he hit me.Copy !req
428. I also learned
not to trust my fatherCopy !req
429. or anyone else, for that matter.Copy !req
430. And that took centuries
with my NadjaCopy !req
431. - to unravel.
- Okay.Copy !req
432. What I'm trying to say is...
I think Gizmo was right.Copy !req
433. I think you're going to be
incredibly boring.Copy !req
434. The type of chap who goes to see
revival of Auntie MameCopy !req
435. and writes about it
in his diary.Copy !req
436. But I don't hold that
against you.Copy !req
437. You're a better man than I am.Copy !req
438. You were raised to be
charming, not sincere.Copy !req
439. Really? Well, that's nicely put.Copy !req
440. You're full of surprises.Copy !req
441. That's from Into the Woods
by Stephen Sondheim.Copy !req
442. - Right.
- I was thinking about itCopy !req
443. because I want to turn
my Ewok Village Lego setCopy !req
444. into the Giant's tree...Copy !req
445. Do you? Really?
Now, why don't we fuck that offCopy !req
446. - and go and see Richie Suck.
- Okay.Copy !req
447. Okay, balls in proportion...Copy !req
448. Note the changes...Copy !req
449. Very well, Master, your wish...Copy !req
450. Wait. You can't give him
the world's largest penisCopy !req
451. by making everyone
else's smaller.Copy !req
452. Oh, very good catch, Guillermo.Copy !req
453. Shit.Copy !req
454. I mean, well done, familiar.Copy !req
455. I was moments away from givingCopy !req
456. every man in the world
but Nandor a micro wang.Copy !req
457. Why would you do
such a thing?Copy !req
458. It's just part
of the job, I guess.Copy !req
459. I teach lessons about
greed, desires, etcetera,Copy !req
460. by fucking with the wishes
of my so-called masters.Copy !req
461. But you two have bested me.Copy !req
462. Your familiar has a very shrewd
and incisive mindCopy !req
463. - when it comes to
the penis stuff.
- Thank you.Copy !req
464. Or you could've just said
"thank you" to me.Copy !req
465. Always so needy.Copy !req
466. Thank you, Guillermo,
I appreciate all your help.Copy !req
467. And every time
I use my new big dick,Copy !req
468. I will think of you
and all you've done for me.Copy !req
469. Ah, this is your wish?Copy !req
470. - This is my wish.
- This is his wish.Copy !req
471. Wish granted!Copy !req
472. Excuse me for a moment.Copy !req
473. - Yes.
- Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
474. Would you care for some Yoo-hoo?Copy !req
475. No, thank you.Copy !req
476. Oh, wow.Copy !req
477. That'll do, pig.Copy !req
478. Guillermo, come check out
the size of this unit.Copy !req
479. I'm good.Copy !req
480. It's only about 20 percent
bigger than what you had.Copy !req
481. I'll be damned.Copy !req
482. I was surprised
you wanted more, but, uh...Copy !req
483. Yeah, it turned out beautifully
if I do say so myself.Copy !req
484. Guillermo, are you sure
you don't want a little peek?Copy !req
485. No, I have to get down
to the club.Copy !req
486. Oh, okay. Please tell MarwaCopy !req
487. that I wish to see her
in the bedroom.Copy !req
488. Okay.Copy !req
489. - Great work.
- Thanks.Copy !req
490. - Yes.
- Yeah.Copy !req
491. - Hey! Where's Richie?Copy !req
492. Richie Suck. Richie Suck.Copy !req
493. Richie Suck.Copy !req
494. - Richie Suck. Richie Suck.
- All right. Hi.Copy !req
495. - Sorry, guys.
- Richie Suck.Copy !req
496. - All right, hold it down.
- Richie Suck.Copy !req
497. Be patient. You look beau...
You don't know jazzCopy !req
498. - if you haven't heard it yet,
right?
- Richie Suck.Copy !req
499. Hey, how's the, uh...
how's the home?Copy !req
500. Fine.Copy !req
501. It's perfectly normal.Copy !req
502. Happens to every guys.Copy !req
503. - Can you sh...?
- We are still
getting reacquainted.Copy !req
504. Don't say it here.Copy !req
505. - Is everything okay?
- No.Copy !req
506. The djinn tricked me
into saying that every timeCopy !req
507. I used my new big dick,
I will think of you.Copy !req
508. - Richie Suck. Richie Suck.
- He got us.Copy !req
509. He did.Copy !req
510. - Eesh.
- All right. It's not eesh.Copy !req
511. How is everybody doing tonight?Copy !req
512. Is everybody ready
to have a good time,Copy !req
513. maybe slightly unpredictableCopy !req
514. because it's live,
but still good?Copy !req
515. Well, then, let's welcome
a true artistCopy !req
516. who doesn't give two wet shits
what you think.Copy !req
517. Let's get loud for Richie Suck!Copy !req
518. Remember, be yourself.
Free yourself.Copy !req
519. Thank you all for coming out.Copy !req
520. I've been away for a while,
and it's been a journey.Copy !req
521. Uh, so before I start the show,
I want to bring out a manCopy !req
522. who's been a really
important part of that.Copy !req
523. My familiar, Dr. Tom Schmidt.Copy !req
524. Familiars!Copy !req
525. Thank you, Richie.
First of all...Copy !req
526. So me and Tom decided that
I need to be more authentic,Copy !req
527. so we collaborated
on a bunch of new songsCopy !req
528. for me to do with
the Jazzmen 3 over here.Copy !req
529. But guess what?Copy !req
530. I'm not going to do them!Copy !req
531. - The right decision.Copy !req
532. - Master, listen.
- No, man.Copy !req
533. I'm done listening to you.
Forever!Copy !req
534. No, Master, no! Ahh!Copy !req
535. - Eat that bitch.Copy !req
536. Eat that bitch.Copy !req
537. Eat bitch. Eat that bitch.
Eat that bitch.Copy !req
538. Eat the bitch!Copy !req
539. Now, now, now,Copy !req
540. how many of you want
to hear me do my thing?Copy !req
541. Who want to hear me do
my truth?Copy !req
542. - Yes, please, Richie.Copy !req
543. Who wants to hear
some new shit from Richie SuckCopy !req
544. that they ain't
never heard before?Copy !req
545. - Go, Richie!Copy !req
546. Who want to hear me do
some observational comedy?Copy !req
547. What the fuck?Copy !req
548. Like, have you ever been
flying around as a bat...Copy !req
549. and you get
hit by a droneCopy !req
550. and you be like, "Damn,
the robots coming for us?"Copy !req
551. Hey, do Throat Juice.Copy !req
552. You know what...
what is really coolCopy !req
553. about being a vampire, though?Copy !req
554. You ain't never
got to do no dishes.Copy !req
555. - Bring back the jazz.Copy !req
556. Never, no dishes.
It's all skin and bone.Copy !req
557. - You know?Copy !req
558. But seriously, though,
grandmamasCopy !req
559. be saying some stupid shit.Copy !req
560. Oh, Richie Suck, courageously
working without a net.Copy !req
561. Don't throw shit
at my wife, you fuck.Copy !req
562. It makes the live experience
more irreplaceable and fun...Copy !req
563. Hey! Show's over.Copy !req
564. Hey, what the...
Get the fuck off me.Copy !req
565. - Out of my way.
- Laszlo!Copy !req
566. Hang on!
I've-I've lost the boy.Copy !req
567. Laszlo, get your...Copy !req
568. get out your hands
and help your wife.Copy !req
569. I'm trying.
This men are too horny.Copy !req
570. - What the f... What?
- Huh?Copy !req
571. From the 1936 movie musical
Born to Dance.Copy !req
572. - Don't fuck it up, boy.Copy !req
573. He can really move.Copy !req
574. Score by Cole Porter,Copy !req
575. sung by the late,
great Eleanor Powell.Copy !req
576. It's so disgusting, I love it.Copy !req
577. Vampires haveCopy !req
578. always loved child novelty acts.Copy !req
579. I mean, who knows why.Copy !req
580. Some say they are
transfixed by the youthCopy !req
581. and innocence they
themselves lost long ago.Copy !req
582. Others just love how creepyCopy !req
583. and exploitative it is.Copy !req
584. But I don't care, anyway,Copy !req
585. because the most important thing
is that Baby Colin RobinsonCopy !req
586. is going to keep
my club in business.Copy !req
587. I was worried
the kid was a dud.Copy !req
588. Turns out he's got the groove.Copy !req
589. - Fantastic.Copy !req
590. Bravo, Baby Colin Robinson.Copy !req
591. Any more kids,
welcome to Nadja's.Copy !req