1. What happened to this country?
Copy !req
2. Bravo.
Copy !req
3. It's a really weird time
in the household
Copy !req
4. because Colin Robinson
is no longer with us.
Copy !req
5. I mean, vampires are
no strangers to death.
Copy !req
6. They deal with it every day
with the people that they kill.
Copy !req
7. But when they lose
one of their own,
Copy !req
8. they just don't know
how to deal with it.
Copy !req
9. I mean, their only
funeral-type tradition
Copy !req
10. is that they get
a new portrait made
Copy !req
11. with all of them except for
the newly deceased,
Copy !req
12. and I don't think that's
a really healthy way
Copy !req
13. of dealing with the loss
of a family member.
Copy !req
14. Perhaps we'd all like
to go around the room
Copy !req
15. and each one of say something
that we liked
Copy !req
16. about Colin Robinson?
Oh, leave us alone, Guillermo.
Copy !req
17. You're giving everyone
a big bummer.
Copy !req
18. When she's right, she's right.
Copy !req
19. Should he even be here?
I know.
Copy !req
20. I did think this was sort of
a "vampires only" portrait.
Copy !req
21. Hey, he is a valued member
of the team
Copy !req
22. and has every right
to be in this portrait.
Copy !req
23. Even though he is a dog.
Copy !req
24. I wasn't talking about the dog,
you halfwit,
Copy !req
25. I was talking about Gizmo.
Copy !req
26. Yes, well,
Gizmo needs to be here
Copy !req
27. to help control the Hellhound.
Copy !req
28. If they talked about
their feelings,
Copy !req
29. then the healing could begin.
Copy !req
30. Guillermo,
Copy !req
31. your Hellhound is
wandering around
Copy !req
32. and pissing all over
our floors.
Copy !req
33. And once they're healed,
they would realize that
Copy !req
34. the dynamic's a little off.
Copy !req
35. So maybe they need
to make a new vampire.
Copy !req
36. I-I just heard it,
and I know...
Copy !req
37. I know what you're thinking,
Copy !req
38. but I truly believe that
that's what's needed
Copy !req
39. to really restore—
And I deserve it.
Copy !req
40. Yeah,
I took up painting
Copy !req
41. during season two
of Grounded for Life.
Copy !req
42. As an actor,
you spend a lot of time
Copy !req
43. sitting around your trailer,
waiting for them
Copy !req
44. to light the next scene
or whatnot,
Copy !req
45. so I got some brushes
and a how-to book from Blick,
Copy !req
46. and I think I've gotten
pretty good.
Copy !req
47. This is the cast of
Grounded for Life.
Copy !req
48. Oh, my God, Jake and Griffin
were so squirrely,
Copy !req
49. I was like,
"Look, here's the deal.
Copy !req
50. "I'm gonna take a picture,
and then you guys can fuck off
Copy !req
51. and do whatever
you want to do."
Copy !req
52. I finished the painting
from a photo, but you know,
Copy !req
53. that's the way a lot
of the masters work now.
Copy !req
54. This is the front gate
of Radford in Studio City.
Copy !req
55. I was really happy with
the way the light reflected
Copy !req
56. off the admin building
that day.
Copy !req
57. I think I really captured it.
Copy !req
58. This was a gaffer
I worked with onER.
Copy !req
59. The guy had just
such an amazing face,
Copy !req
60. I was just staring at it.
Copy !req
61. I was staring at it
when I was on camera,
Copy !req
62. which would get me in trouble,
you know?
Copy !req
63. But I think
I really got his essence.
Copy !req
64. So when the gang here said
that they needed
Copy !req
65. a new portrait done,
I said I'd be more than happy
Copy !req
66. to stick around and do it
because I had some downtime
Copy !req
67. between the next meeting of
the Worldwide Vampiric Council
Copy !req
68. and the two-episode arc
I booked on SVU next month.
Copy !req
69. You gotta remember
I came up with MTV in the '90s,
Copy !req
70. where they were like,
"Go shoot 15 hours
Copy !req
71. "of Jimmy the Cab Driver,
Copy !req
72. and then we'll figure out
where to stick it later,"
Copy !req
73. but when I got Grounded...
Oof.
Copy !req
74. This buhbutz is really
killing me.
I know.
Copy !req
75. Right? I mean,
I like the cinema,
Copy !req
76. but don't need to know
how the sausage is made.
Copy !req
77. Yeah, and it's kind of
insensitive.
Copy !req
78. I mean, we're all still
mourning the death
Copy !req
79. of Colin Robinson.
I'm not.
Copy !req
80. Well, that's what
I'm talking about.
Copy !req
81. We need to talk about that.
Copy !req
82. How you're feeling...
We don't need to talk
Copy !req
83. about anything.
Copy !req
84. We are having our picture
painted.
Copy !req
85. Then we will have a picture
that Colin Robinson is not in,
Copy !req
86. and we can forget about him
forever,
Copy !req
87. and this will heal us.
Copy !req
88. Why did we have to rush it?
Copy !req
89. The corpse has barely
begun to stink,
Copy !req
90. and we've got the Tao of Steve
Copy !req
91. painting our portrait.
Oh, here we go.
Copy !req
92. Nadja's masking her
true feelings with a joke.
Copy !req
93. That was not a joke.
A joke has a punchline.
Copy !req
94. And you wouldn't know
a punchline if it ran over
Copy !req
95. your scrotum with
a penny farthing!
Copy !req
96. Oh, I am sorry,
but that was a good one.
Copy !req
97. Also, I feast upon hate.
Copy !req
98. You know what?
Fuck this whole thing!
Copy !req
99. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Copy !req
100. You're cool.
Fuck you, and fuck you!
Copy !req
101. Fuck all this shit!
Whoa.
Copy !req
102. You are not storming away
from me.
Copy !req
103. I am storming away from you,
but in a different direction!
Copy !req
104. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Fuck you.
Copy !req
105. You know what,
maybe we should just
Copy !req
106. take five, shake it off.
Copy !req
107. When he says "take five,"
five of what?
Copy !req
108. And where are we taking them?
Copy !req
109. This last year,
it has not been easy on me.
Copy !req
110. My search for love has
Copy !req
111. been stymied at every turn.
Copy !req
112. I'm a lesbian.
Are you sure?
Copy !req
113. Definitely sure.
Copy !req
114. Would you do me the honor
of being
Copy !req
115. my vampire bride?
Copy !req
116. I was married before.
Copy !req
117. I discovered that
there is no meaning or purpose
Copy !req
118. to the universe,
Copy !req
119. because of the Big Bang Theory.
Copy !req
120. And on top of all that,
the death of Colin Robinson—
Copy !req
121. it has, I must confess,
hit me quite hard.
Copy !req
122. Life is precious.
Copy !req
123. Even so-called eternal life
can be snuffed out
Copy !req
124. at a moment's notice.
Copy !req
125. Colin Robinson's head imploding
into a pile of goo
Copy !req
126. has made me realize that I need
to make the most of my life.
Copy !req
127. Which is why I've decided
to leave Staten Island
Copy !req
128. and travel the world.
What?
Copy !req
129. Visit the Great Fjords of
whatever country they're in.
Copy !req
130. Get a job on one of those boats
that collect plastic
Copy !req
131. from the ocean.
What the hell
are you talking about?
Copy !req
132. Guillermo, did I not tell you
all this already?
No.
Copy !req
133. Sorry. Would you mind giving
us a moment?
Sorry.
Copy !req
134. Can you just give us
one minute?
Copy !req
135. Thank you so much.
Appreciate it.
Copy !req
136. Careful with the rug.
Copy !req
137. You can't make any rational
decisions right now
Copy !req
138. because you're dealing
with Colin Robinson's death
Copy !req
139. and you're running away
from your feelings.
Copy !req
140. Yeah. So what?
I hate my feelings.
Copy !req
141. You know what, this plan,
it sounds great out loud,
Copy !req
142. but I-I, I just can't drop
everything that I'm doing.
Copy !req
143. I have duties, you know.
Responsibilities.
Copy !req
144. Like, my mom is here.
I can't just pack a bag
Copy !req
145. and go on a world tour with you
at the drop of a hat.
Copy !req
146. You're not coming with me.
Copy !req
147. What?
Copy !req
148. You are one of the things
I need to get away from
Copy !req
149. to make a fresh start.
Copy !req
150. No offense.
Copy !req
151. Okay, well,
how you gonna travel?
Copy !req
152. Just by night?
You're just gonna carry
Copy !req
153. your ancestral dirt with you
and your coffin wherever you go?
Copy !req
154. That-that's insane.
Yes, you're right.
Copy !req
155. There's a lot of details
to figure out.
Copy !req
156. And you are going
to figure them out for me.
Copy !req
157. Oh, surprise, surprise.
As your last duty.
Copy !req
158. My sweet, sweet Guillermo.
Copy !req
159. You don't understand because?
Copy !req
160. I'm not a vampire.
Copy !req
161. Yes! Trust me,
Copy !req
162. Nadja and Laszlo,
they are itching to get away.
Copy !req
163. These vampire pods,
they don't last forever.
Copy !req
164. And I'm not gonna be
the last one in here
Copy !req
165. all alone like a fucking loser.
Copy !req
166. I would rather not talk
about the death
Copy !req
167. of Shmolin Shmobinson
because my dear husband Laszlo
Copy !req
168. is having a bit of
a hard time dealing with it.
Copy !req
169. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
170. I said you were having
a hard time dealing
Copy !req
171. with Colin Robinson's very
disgusting and tragic death.
Copy !req
172. Well, that would be bullshit,
then, wouldn't it, my darling?
Copy !req
173. I couldn't give a tinker's fig.
Copy !req
174. People die all the time.
Copy !req
175. Animals die, plants die.
Copy !req
176. Oh, Gizmo, it's just you.
Copy !req
177. It's kind of important.
Copy !req
178. Can't you see I'm doing my
talking-to-the-camera thing?
Copy !req
179. I'm busy. Shoo!
Copy !req
180. by lunchtime I was
in the whorehouse
Copy !req
181. with two prostitutes
and three good-time boys.
Copy !req
182. Hold on, I've just had
the best idea.
Copy !req
183. I think I might know
just the thing
Copy !req
184. to cheer you up, my love.
Copy !req
185. I don't need cheering up.
Copy !req
186. How's about me and you
take a lovely little trip
Copy !req
187. back to merry old England?
No.
Copy !req
188. We could get a red bus
and make love in it.
Copy !req
189. We could get a black cab
and make love in it.
Copy !req
190. We could go to Madame Tussaud's
and look around.
Copy !req
191. If I were to need
rest and recuperation
Copy !req
192. for my dear friend's death,
that fuck hole would be
Copy !req
193. the last place on Earth
Copy !req
194. that I would choose
to go back to.
Copy !req
195. You know this.
I made a precious vow
Copy !req
196. never to go back there again.
Laszlo! Ugh!
Copy !req
197. United Kingdom?
United Ding-dong, more like.
Copy !req
198. Nadja, Nadja,
I really need your help.
Copy !req
199. It's about Nandor.
Copy !req
200. I suppose we just wait.
I don't know.
Copy !req
201. We have a problem.
Copy !req
202. You are not the only one
with problems, Gizmo!
Copy !req
203. Look at you.
"Oh, everyone feel sorry for me
Copy !req
204. "'cause I'm a pathetic human,
Copy !req
205. "and I can't fly,
and all I do is
Copy !req
206. sit on the toilet all day."
Copy !req
207. Well, what about my needs?
Look. Look at this.
Copy !req
208. Uh, that's not how that works.
Copy !req
209. Oh, you do it!
Okay.
Copy !req
210. This is a glass paperweight,
Copy !req
211. and this is the TV control.
Copy !req
212. We push this in...
Patronizing.
Copy !req
213. and play.
Copy !req
214. - This is not taping over
RuPaul, is it?
No, no.
Copy !req
215. - 'Cause I haven't seen
the latest episode.
It's a fresh...
Copy !req
216. - Okay, good. What?
We're recording.
Copy !req
217. Oh. Ahem.
Copy !req
218. Dark greetings,
Nadja of Antipaxos.
Copy !req
219. You must know by now
that I've had my eye on you
Copy !req
220. for quite some time.
Copy !req
221. Your work on your local
Vampiric Council
Copy !req
222. has been quite impressive.
Yas, queen.
Copy !req
223. Everyone is going on about it.
Copy !req
224. And thus, we would be delighted
for you to join us
Copy !req
225. in London, in England,
Copy !req
226. where you will take a position
that ranks amongst
Copy !req
227. the highest of all worldwide
Vampiric Council positions.
Copy !req
228. We do hope you'll accept
this offer promptly,
Copy !req
229. because as you know,
vampires hate waiting.
Copy !req
230. Even though we're immortal,
waiting is just still a thing.
Copy !req
231. So, if you accept,
as fast as you can,
Copy !req
232. tape your acceptance speech
on a VHS tape, and then
Copy !req
233. put it in an envelope
and send it by mail,
Copy !req
234. and eventually
it'll get to us.
Copy !req
235. This is your last ch...
Copy !req
236. You're thinking of leaving, too?
Copy !req
237. Of course I want to leave.
Copy !req
238. It is such a great honor
and opportunity,
Copy !req
239. and I would have a chance
to finally do something
Copy !req
240. with my stupid eternal life.
Copy !req
241. But it is not to be.
Copy !req
242. Good.
What?
Copy !req
243. I mean, uh, why?
Copy !req
244. Because Laszlo will never
go back to England.
Copy !req
245. You heard him.
He has sworn it.
Copy !req
246. But I cannot leave him
on his own.
Copy !req
247. You know, I went on holiday
for two weeks in 1924,
Copy !req
248. and when I got back,
he hadn't fed himself once.
Copy !req
249. He spent all his time writing
poetry and wanking.
Copy !req
250. So, no, I can't go.
Copy !req
251. So you're saying
if Laszlo doesn't go,
Copy !req
252. then you certainly won't go?
Copy !req
253. I literally just
said that to you.
Copy !req
254. I know it seems like
I'm panicking,
Copy !req
255. but I'm not panicking.
It's just that I'm afraid
Copy !req
256. it's like a party; as soon as
one person leaves the party,
Copy !req
257. another person decides it's okay
for them to leave the party,
Copy !req
258. and before you know it,
the whole party's over.
Copy !req
259. And you devoted 12 years
of your life
Copy !req
260. to a certain type of party,
Copy !req
261. and it's not gonna end
like this!
Copy !req
262. Sorry.
Copy !req
263. Hey...
Copy !req
264. Sorry, I didn't mean
to startle you,
Copy !req
265. I just had a question.
Copy !req
266. If this has anything to do
with the fact that
Copy !req
267. I won't let anybody touch
Colin Robinson's body,
Copy !req
268. yet I myself have not been
down to the basement
Copy !req
269. to pay my respects,
I can answer that.
Copy !req
270. There's nothing down there.
Only a bag of skin.
Copy !req
271. Plus I find that kind of
sentimental gesture
Copy !req
272. fucking tawdry.
Copy !req
273. No, no, that wasn't it.
I wasn't—
Copy !req
274. No, it was just a random
question that I was—
Copy !req
275. What do you think about England?
Is it a cool place to live?
Copy !req
276. No, it is absolutely not
a cool place to live.
Copy !req
277. Why not?
You want to know a story about
Copy !req
278. England and the English way?
Yeah.
Copy !req
279. I used to be a member
of a club.
Copy !req
280. The Sherwood Club of London.
Copy !req
281. My father was a member of a club
Copy !req
282. called the Sherwood Club
of London.
Copy !req
283. His father was a member
of a club
Copy !req
284. called the Sherwood Club
of London.
Copy !req
285. You get where I'm going
with this?
I think so.
Copy !req
286. Anyway, treachery was afoot,
and I was expelled
Copy !req
287. from the Sherwood Club
of London.
Copy !req
288. The decision was unanimous.
Copy !req
289. So I left the UK and came here,
Copy !req
290. to the New World.
Copy !req
291. To the land of opportunity,
Copy !req
292. where men—
and, I'm told, some women—
Copy !req
293. can be kings
of their own castle.
Copy !req
294. Where industrialists can rub
shoulders with chimney sweeps.
Copy !req
295. My late friend Walt Whitman
said to me,
Copy !req
296. - "You'd better put
that away, Laszlo..."
So you're saying
Copy !req
297. you would never, ever
go back to England.
Copy !req
298. Yes, I am.
Copy !req
299. I would never, ever,
Copy !req
300. ever, ever, ever
Copy !req
301. go back to England.
Copy !req
302. Well, there you have it.
Copy !req
303. Oh.
Copy !req
304. There's the bell.
Five minutes, vamps.
Copy !req
305. Time to get back
to the portrait.
Copy !req
306. Tell him to fuck off.
Copy !req
307. I'm busy here.
All right.
Copy !req
308. Plus, that conversation
about my homeland
Copy !req
309. has given me the pip.
Copy !req
310. Of course.
I shall need ten minutes
to recover.
Copy !req
311. Hel-lo.
Copy !req
312. Your English is
coming along nicely.
Copy !req
313. Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey...
Copy !req
314. You see?
You have made progress.
Copy !req
315. I have to remind myself
that vampires always make
Copy !req
316. these grandiose plans,
but they never see them through.
Copy !req
317. Everything's gonna be A-ok...
It's a map.
Copy !req
318. It's a cape.
Copy !req
319. It's a mape!
I'll tell you what,
Copy !req
320. world travel looks good
on you, Nandor.
Thank you.
Copy !req
321. Oh, hi, Guillermo. Good news.
Copy !req
322. She is an expert on
international vampire travel.
Copy !req
323. It's true. I book all the trips
for the Vampiric Council.
Copy !req
324. Really the only fun part
of my job.
Yes.
Copy !req
325. Anyway, we figured out
all the details
Copy !req
326. so you don't have to
worry about a thing.
No.
Copy !req
327. I mean, I don't think
you've thought of everything.
Copy !req
328. I mean, what about...
The coffin? Super easy.
Copy !req
329. All you need is international
bill of lading,
Copy !req
330. and that's kind of it.
Really?
Copy !req
331. Here's a tip.
Yes?
Copy !req
332. Put your ancestral soil
in your Jansport
Copy !req
333. so it's always on your back, and
you can just lie down anywhere.
Copy !req
334. What's a Jansport?
It's a backpack.
It's a backpack.
Copy !req
335. It's a very popular backpack.
It's a children's backpack.
Copy !req
336. That's smart.
That's very smart.
Copy !req
337. Anyone could have
thought of that.
Let's celebrate.
Copy !req
338. Master, listen to me.
Copy !req
339. Nadja and Laszlo
aren't leaving after all.
Copy !req
340. So you don't have to worry
about being all by yourself.
Copy !req
341. But I'm excited
for this trip now.
Copy !req
342. It's gonna be a real eat,
prey, love kind journey for me.
Copy !req
343. What do you mean?
You're gonna pray?
Copy !req
344. Well, how am I gonna eat if
I don't prey on people, dummy?
Copy !req
345. Now, you must travel
by railway and always at night.
Copy !req
346. It's the only way
to stay safe.
Copy !req
347. Plus, it's usually much cheaper.
Copy !req
348. Oh, I'm so excited.
Copy !req
349. I cannot wait to see
all the wonders of the world.
Copy !req
350. The Colossus of Rhodes.
Copy !req
351. The Hanging Gardens
of Babylon.
Copy !req
352. The beautiful unmarred face
of the Sphinx.
Copy !req
353. Ah, cheers to that!
Copy !req
354. We should finish our portrait.
Come on, everybody!
Copy !req
355. Shall we?
Absolutely.
Copy !req
356. And there are so many
Copy !req
357. wonderful vampire hosts
Copy !req
358. I can hook you up with.
Oh, please.
Copy !req
359. You know, you spend
your whole life wanting
Copy !req
360. to shoot in New York;
Brooklyn in this case.
Copy !req
361. We were at Steiner Studios.
Copy !req
362. And then you find yourself
so far from your family,
Copy !req
363. it gets kind of lonely.
I have to say something.
Copy !req
364. I'm sorry, Donal Logue.
Quite all right.
Copy !req
365. I know that we're all
a little bit shaken up
Copy !req
366. by the death of Colin Robinson.
Speak for yourself.
Copy !req
367. I'm as dry as a nun's doodah.
Copy !req
368. Well, regardless,
we have to remember
Copy !req
369. that there's the family
that you're born into,
Copy !req
370. and then there's
your chosen family.
Copy !req
371. That's what we are.
Copy !req
372. We're a chosen family,
and it's a rare thing...
Copy !req
373. I've been offered
a job in England,
Copy !req
374. and I want to move there!
Whoo-hoo!
Copy !req
375. Over my dead body.
Copy !req
376. Well, it seems everyone's
getting into it now.
Copy !req
377. I have decided to leave
the island of Staten,
Copy !req
378. travel the world and
rediscover my groove.
Copy !req
379. You are so selfish, Laszlo!
She's right.
Copy !req
380. I made a vow never to return
to that cack house
Copy !req
381. ever, ever again.
Copy !req
382. But why?
You know why.
Copy !req
383. The British are a pack of
classist wankers.
Here, here.
Copy !req
384. And those fuckers
expelled me
Copy !req
385. from the Sherwood...
From the Sherwood Club.
Copy !req
386. Yes, I know. You have told me
so many times.
Copy !req
387. Yeah, I've told you
so many times,
Copy !req
388. but I've never told you why.
Copy !req
389. And now I will.
Copy !req
390. I always thought
it was because of
Copy !req
391. all the whores and the whoring.
Copy !req
392. They don't give a fuck about
Copy !req
393. whores and whoring, my darling.
Copy !req
394. They didn't even care
that I was a vampire.
Copy !req
395. What they did object to,
however, was the fact
Copy !req
396. that I fell in love
and eventually married
Copy !req
397. the most beautiful,
simple girl.
Copy !req
398. A girl with no surname,
Copy !req
399. no social standing.
Copy !req
400. They actually called her
a peasant girl.
Copy !req
401. A girl from a tiny village
on a dirt island
Copy !req
402. in the Mediterranean.
Copy !req
403. That girl is the most
beautiful girl
Copy !req
404. I have ever known.
Copy !req
405. That girl's name—
yes, my darling—
Copy !req
406. Is my name?
Is your name. Nadja.
Copy !req
407. Oh, snap.
Snap, indeed, Donal.
Copy !req
408. But, my dark baby,
Copy !req
409. I will be returning to England
to assume a position
Copy !req
410. on the Supreme Vampiric Council.
Copy !req
411. Wait, what?
Copy !req
412. We would be going back
as the tip of the tops
Copy !req
413. of the upper classes.
Copy !req
414. Really?
Yeah.
Copy !req
415. Well, that changes pretty much
fucking everything.
Copy !req
416. Count me in.
No, no, Laszlo,
Copy !req
417. You made a lifelong vow
to never go back
Copy !req
418. to that shithole, remember?
Didn't you hear what
she just said?
Copy !req
419. We're gonna rule
the fucking place.
Copy !req
420. Rule Britannia!
Copy !req
421. Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Now I'm ready.
Copy !req
422. Now I am ready.
Copy !req
423. So romantic. Great!
Oh, yeah, get some.
Copy !req
424. It is decided, we will all
move on from this place
Copy !req
425. and regroup elsewhere.
Yes. Whoo-hoo!
Copy !req
426. I think we should all
just take a second, breathe.
Copy !req
427. You know,
just take a deep breath.
Copy !req
428. And, I mean, the portrait's
not even done, so we could...
Copy !req
429. No, it's almost done.
What?
Copy !req
430. And that's that.
Copy !req
431. So, you're all free
to go about doing
Copy !req
432. whatever the hell it was
you were doing before.
Copy !req
433. Plus, I just got a text
from my agent
Copy !req
434. that I have to do a self-tape
for a CBS pilot,
Copy !req
435. so Logue out.
Copy !req
436. Always a drama with
this little rascal.
Copy !req
437. I will fix.
Copy !req
438. You know, usually when
someone is upset,
Copy !req
439. they go to their own room,
Copy !req
440. but I understand why
you would come to my room,
Copy !req
441. as it is a far superior
room to yours.
Copy !req
442. Which probably makes you feel
even more depressed.
Copy !req
443. Is this your attempt
at cheering me up?
Guillermo...
Copy !req
444. You want us to go through this
one more time? Hmm?
Copy !req
445. It is a very dangerous world
out there.
Copy !req
446. You're joking, right? It's me
who's been protecting you!
Copy !req
447. So what, you shooed away some
assassins; who gives a shit?
Copy !req
448. If it wasn't for me,
you would be dead by now.
Copy !req
449. If not by assassins
then by my very own hands
Copy !req
450. because I am,
and I will remind you,
Copy !req
451. by birth and lineage,
a vampire killer.
Copy !req
452. And the only reason
you're alive is because...
Copy !req
453. I let you live.
Copy !req
454. What did you just say?
Copy !req
455. I said, the only reason
you're alive
Copy !req
456. is because I
Copy !req
457. let you live.
Copy !req
458. My poor, dear thing.
Copy !req
459. You forgot that
we hypnotized you
Copy !req
460. to make it physically impossible
for you to harm me
Copy !req
461. or any or your masters.
Copy !req
462. Do you remember that? Hmm?
Copy !req
463. No, because we used hypnosis.
Copy !req
464. Hypnosis doesn't work on me.
Copy !req
465. I just let you think it did
so you wouldn't feel weak.
Copy !req
466. I never feel weak,
my furry little friend!
Copy !req
467. No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
468. Master, your-your sword
needs polishing.
Copy !req
469. It does?
Copy !req
470. Hey!
Copy !req
471. Plancha!
Don't you dare!
Copy !req
472. Ow.
Copy !req
473. Once a familiar,
always a familiar!
Copy !req
474. Uh-uh-uh.
Copy !req
475. You almost hit John!
Copy !req
476. Yes, yes, finally.
Copy !req
477. This is what
I've been waiting for.
Copy !req
478. What?
Put the crucifix away,
Guillermo.
Copy !req
479. You have passed the test.
Copy !req
480. What test?
Copy !req
481. I have been worried that you
have been going a little soft.
Copy !req
482. But tonight, you have
proved to me finally
Copy !req
483. that you can take care
of yourself.
Copy !req
484. And more importantly,
Copy !req
485. you can take care of me.
Copy !req
486. Guillermo de la Cruz,
Copy !req
487. will you do me the honor...
Copy !req
488. of accompanying me on my journey
around the world?
Copy !req
489. If you're scared of me
right now...
Copy !req
490. If you accompany me
on this journey,
Copy !req
491. when we arrive at the banks
of the River Tigris
Copy !req
492. in my homeland of Al-Qolnadar,
Copy !req
493. you will take a knee,
Copy !req
494. and I will make you...
Copy !req
495. a vampire.
Copy !req
496. Really?
My word
Copy !req
497. is my bond.
Copy !req
498. Then yes. Yes, of course
I'll go with you, Master.
Copy !req
499. There will be plenty of time
for that kind of thing.
Copy !req
500. Right.
Well...
Copy !req
501. you should go,
start making arrangements.
Copy !req
502. Yes.
Copy !req
503. Let our great journey commence!
Copy !req
504. That little fucker can
really move when he wants to.
Copy !req
505. Yeah, I'm gonna miss
this house, but...
Copy !req
506. definitely won't miss
cleaning it.
Copy !req
507. It'll be sad to say bye
to Nadja and Laszlo.
Copy !req
508. They're off
on a big adventure now,
Copy !req
509. so I'm really happy for them.
Copy !req
510. Don't you even fucking dare!
Copy !req
511. But the real thing
I'm looking forward to is...
Copy !req
512. traveling the whole world
with my Nand-master.
Copy !req
513. Just the two of us.
Copy !req
514. Master.
Yes?
Copy !req
515. You need to hurry up.
I still have to help
Copy !req
516. Nadja and Laszlo load
their coffin into the boat.
Copy !req
517. And then you and I are catching
a midnight train.
Copy !req
518. Why are you helping them when my
ancestral soil needs scooping?
Copy !req
519. Because it's the last time
I can say goodbye to them.
Copy !req
520. I thought you'd understand.
Oh, Guillermo.
Copy !req
521. Fine, I will allow it.
Copy !req
522. But don't think for one second
I'll be getting into the habit
Copy !req
523. of scooping my own soil.
No, of course not.
Copy !req
524. Oh. Can you take my luggage
to the train station?
Copy !req
525. I don't want to carry it
to the dock
Copy !req
526. and then have
to carry it back...
Copy !req
527. Hey! What,
am I working for you now?
Copy !req
528. I'm kidding, Guillermo.
Copy !req
529. I will take your bag for you.
Copy !req
530. Okay, gracias.
Copy !req
531. Knock, knock,
Mr. Relentless.
Hi.
Copy !req
532. Hello.
I just wanted to say goodbye.
Copy !req
533. Thank you.
I got you a little card.
Copy !req
534. "Bon voyage."
Copy !req
535. Those are
the wraiths' signatures.
Copy !req
536. Oh.
Some of them
don't know how to write,
Copy !req
537. and others once did
but have long since forgotten,
Copy !req
538. so I just dipped
their claws in ink
Copy !req
539. and let them go at it.
Copy !req
540. Smart.
Copy !req
541. Thank you.
Copy !req
542. Should we hug now, or...?
Copy !req
543. I think it would be too much.
Copy !req
544. Okay.
Nandor, I have come
to bid you adieu.
Copy !req
545. You are a vampire
I have known for a while now,
Copy !req
546. and now our time together
has ended.
Copy !req
547. Cheers! Bye! Ha!
Copy !req
548. Nadja, Laszlo, vámonos!
Copy !req
549. We have to go!
Copy !req
550. Don't you dare shout at me,
Guillermo!
Copy !req
551. I could suck out
all of your bodily fluids
Copy !req
552. in less than two seconds.
Copy !req
553. Not gonna miss that.
Laszlo?
Copy !req
554. Where are you?
It's time to get to...
Copy !req
555. Oh.
Copy !req
556. What were you doing
in the basement, my dear?
Copy !req
557. Nothing. Just taking care
of some business.
Copy !req
558. Oh, my sweet love.
Copy !req
559. Were you finally saying goodbye
to the decaying corpse
Copy !req
560. of your very dead friend
Colin Robinson?
Copy !req
561. Something like that.
Copy !req
562. Are you okay?
Do you need a bit more time?
Copy !req
563. Not at all. I feel fine.
Copy !req
564. Let's rock and roll.
Copy !req
565. We're missing
three boxes of porn.
Copy !req
566. Whoo-hoo! Guillermo, my things.
Copy !req
567. Coming.
Ah, smell the sea.
Copy !req
568. I do love a journey.
Copy !req
569. And I went ahead and downloaded
Copy !req
570. all the seasons
of RuPaul's Drag Race.
Copy !req
571. Thank you very much, Guillermo.
Copy !req
572. It has been... nice.
Copy !req
573. Yeah.
Copy !req
574. My darling, I will see you
Copy !req
575. when we are kissing the ground
of your native land
Copy !req
576. and make love on the bones
of those who scorned you.
Copy !req
577. Safe passage, my darling.
Copy !req
578. Are you in?
Yes. Lock me up.
Copy !req
579. Right. Now, come on,
don't fuck about, get that in.
Copy !req
580. Why do you have water and food
if you can't even eat it?
Copy !req
581. It's Oreos and Pedialyte.
Copy !req
582. This stuff's worth its weight
in gold where I come from.
Copy !req
583. I can barter that
and get anything I want.
Copy !req
584. Makes sense. Well, this is it.
Copy !req
585. Indeed.
All right.
Copy !req
586. Yeah.
Okay.
Copy !req
587. Right.
Copy !req
588. Safe fare.
Copy !req
589. You, too.
Copy !req
590. It's a lot of Oreos.
Copy !req
591. Make sure
you look after my wife.
Copy !req
592. What? Aah! No! No, no, no, no!
Copy !req
593. No, no, no!
Copy !req
594. What the fuck? Master!
Copy !req
595. Wait for me!
Copy !req
596. Help! Let me out!
Let me out, Laszlo!
Copy !req
597. Laszlo, please don't!
Hello! Hello?
Copy !req
598. Hey...
Copy !req
599. All aboard!
Copy !req
600. Guillermo...!
Copy !req
601. You coming or staying?
Copy !req
602. My dearest Nadja,
Copy !req
603. you must be deucedly cross
with me for my subterfuge.
Copy !req
604. But you have Gizmo at your side,
Copy !req
605. if he has not expired
or drowned in his own filth
Copy !req
606. during
the transatlantic crossing.
Copy !req
607. I did cut a small hole
in the bottom of the coffin,
Copy !req
608. so if he is
either accurate or persistent,
Copy !req
609. he should be fine.
Copy !req
610. But I digress.
Copy !req
611. Guillermo is
a damn good bodyguard.
Copy !req
612. He will keep you safe.
Copy !req
613. But the truth is, my darling,
Copy !req
614. you don't need anyone
to keep you safe.
Copy !req
615. Okay, so,
this is my trinkets case.
Copy !req
616. Over these past
200 or 300 years,
Copy !req
617. Hurry up!
you have grown into a strong,
Copy !req
618. bold, independent woman
of the world.
Copy !req
619. It is a strange and dangerous
netherworld we inhabit,
Copy !req
620. and I once thought you
too weak and defenseless
Copy !req
621. to navigate it on your own,
Copy !req
622. and that you needed me about
at all times
Copy !req
623. to take care of you.
Copy !req
624. But that is no longer true,
were it ever so.
Copy !req
625. Um...
Copy !req
626. safe passage, Colin Robinson.
Copy !req
627. Not much more to say.
Copy !req
628. What's that...
Copy !req
629. Oh, my...
Copy !req
630. What the fuck?
Copy !req
631. What?
Copy !req
632. Shit.
There are, it seems,
Copy !req
633. others in our world...
Copy !req
634. What's this shit?
Copy !req
635. whose future
is far less certain,
Copy !req
636. whose existence
Copy !req
637. is even more terrifying
and mysterious than our own...
Copy !req
638. who actually are weak
and defenseless,
Copy !req
639. who need protection and care.
Copy !req
640. Hello?
Copy !req
641. Shit.
Copy !req
642. And a little to the right.
Copy !req
643. Almost.
Copy !req
644. A little more to the right.
Copy !req
645. Just squaring it up.
Copy !req
646. And a little to...
Copy !req
647. Everything you want to know
about vampires,
Copy !req
648. it's right here.
Copy !req
649. I'm in love.
She's half-chicken
Copy !req
650. Nobody's perfect
Copy !req
651. Bat!
Copy !req
652. Cash or card?
Copy !req
653. I will not be paying
for anything.
Got it.
Copy !req
654. They have wellness
vampires now.
Copy !req
655. Stretch those hammies!
Copy !req
656. Feel the burn!
Copy !req
657. She has changed my life.
Copy !req
658. We're not safe here.
Copy !req
659. We don't really
live in this world.
Copy !req
660. We feed off of it.
Copy !req
661. Aliens.
Copy !req
662. Mother of God!
Copy !req
663. How have you
not gone insane?
Copy !req
664. Once you sell your soul,
it's gone.
Copy !req
665. Boom!
Copy !req
666. It's breaking
all the rules.
Copy !req
667. And I'm here for that.
Copy !req
668. It happened
pretty fast.
Copy !req
669. The world
has changed.
Copy !req
670. His survivor's classified.
Copy !req
671. Nobody can know
about him.
Copy !req
672. People are going
to have to pick sides.
Copy !req
673. I think it's going
to get worse
Copy !req
674. before it gets better.
Copy !req
675. Run!
Copy !req
676. I imagine
that you attract
Copy !req
677. quite a bit
of attention.
Copy !req
678. You know, more than before.
That's for sure.
Copy !req
679. Hillary.
Copy !req
680. Hillary, wake up.
Copy !req
681. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
682. For what?
Copy !req