1. Guillermo, I found another one!Copy !req
2. (laughs)
Here. Right here.Copy !req
3. - LASZLO: Gizmo, here's one.
- Oh!Copy !req
4. Come on, boy.
Making it three to the Laszlo.Copy !req
5. Guillermo.Copy !req
6. Big one here.Copy !req
7. - Right here.
- We are playing a gameCopy !req
8. - that Guillermo made up.
- It's not a game.Copy !req
9. We have been burying bodies
out here for ages,Copy !req
10. thus creating sink spots.Copy !req
11. It's caused by decomposing
human cadavers.Copy !req
12. - It's a wonderful game.
- It's a safety hazard.Copy !req
13. I'm winning!Copy !req
14. And then my master
came into the room.Copy !req
15. It turns out it was Nadja
who had moved the couch, so...Copy !req
16. (screams)
What the fuck?Copy !req
17. Give me your hand!
Give me your hand!Copy !req
18. (screams)
What the fuck?Copy !req
19. - Get me out of here!
- (gagging)Copy !req
20. Hey, this one's extra juicy.Copy !req
21. I think it's a three-personer.Copy !req
22. - Three points for me!
- Ugh, damn it.
- LASZLO: You're wrong.Copy !req
23. Graves are worth one.
Three is for the body.Copy !req
24. What the...?
Who threw a fucking dagger?Copy !req
25. Ooh.Copy !req
26. Whoa.Copy !req
27. Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.Copy !req
28. I have waited ages for this.Copy !req
29. And now
I finally have you cornered.Copy !req
30. Please, Mr. Mystery Man,
do not harm me.Copy !req
31. If you wish to kill someone,
kill my familiar.Copy !req
32. It won't be as satisfying,
but it will be much easier.Copy !req
33. Silence!
I am not here for you.Copy !req
34. - NADJA: Oh.
- That's a relief.
- Nor you.Copy !req
35. Thank you very much.
That's nice.Copy !req
36. Scuse me, are you possibly here
to kill me?Copy !req
37. - No.
- 'Cause if you are,Copy !req
38. I just need to run in and...Copy !req
39. Silence.Copy !req
40. I am here...Copy !req
41. for him.Copy !req
42. For me?Copy !req
43. Well, why the hell
would you be here for me?Copy !req
44. And who the hell are you anyway?Copy !req
45. I have gone by so many names,Copy !req
46. all of them feared
on the whispers of time.Copy !req
47. Hello, Laszlo.Copy !req
48. Uh, hello.Copy !req
49. I can see by the look
on your faceCopy !req
50. you were never expecting
to see me again.Copy !req
51. No, you can see
by the look on my faceCopy !req
52. I haven't got a fucking clue
who the hell you are.Copy !req
53. (chuckles)
Nice try.Copy !req
54. Like you don't remember
what went down in California.Copy !req
55. I rented you a guest room.Copy !req
56. Oh, yes.Copy !req
57. I did take a brief sojourn
to the Golden State.Copy !req
58. I didn't want to go.Copy !req
59. Well, you weren't invited.
It was a work trip.Copy !req
60. - And I wasn't invited.
- I was— I had agreed
to meet the DevilCopy !req
61. at an intersection
of roadways,Copy !req
62. where we'd do a deal
where I would becomeCopy !req
63. a much better guitarist.Copy !req
64. I thought the Devil's crossroads
was in Mississippi.Copy !req
65. Exactly. I was misinformed.Copy !req
66. - Oh, yes.
- Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
67. Are you keeping well?Copy !req
68. Not good, Master Cravensworth.Copy !req
69. You remember I rented you a roomCopy !req
70. in my beach house
in San Diego?Copy !req
71. - I do. Beautiful part
of the world.
- Yes.Copy !req
72. And you skipped out
without paying meCopy !req
73. the last month's rent.Copy !req
74. - (groans)
- And the security deposit.Copy !req
75. - Laszlo.
- Yeah.Copy !req
76. 'Cause if I remember correctly,Copy !req
77. I walked into the john,Copy !req
78. and someone had left
a huge floater.Copy !req
79. That may be,
but you took me for a fool.Copy !req
80. You swindled me.Copy !req
81. I have spent
167 years searching for you.Copy !req
82. (laughs):
And now, oh-oh-oh...Copy !req
83. satisfaction will be mine.Copy !req
84. All right.Copy !req
85. Either you repay your debt now,Copy !req
86. or you will pay with your life.Copy !req
87. The money or a duel!Copy !req
88. - Pay him. Pay him the money.
- No. No, no.Copy !req
89. - Pay him the money.
- Pay him some money.
Just pay the debt.Copy !req
90. I'm not paying for shit,Copy !req
91. so a duel it is.Copy !req
92. - Oh, no.
- NANDOR: Shitting...Copy !req
93. Hold this.Copy !req
94. - NADJA: Whoo! Go on, Laszlo!
- (both hissing)Copy !req
95. Get it out, get it out.Copy !req
96. Very masculine.Copy !req
97. That's right.
Scare him with your circles.Copy !req
98. Give him hell, Laszlo.Copy !req
99. Okay, okay. Thank you.Copy !req
100. What is done tonight
may not be undone.Copy !req
101. Do both combatants agree?Copy !req
102. Courage and honor.Copy !req
103. Aye. Courage and honor.Copy !req
104. Then the die is cast.Copy !req
105. Both combatants, please,Copy !req
106. you will stand back-to-back.Copy !req
107. Then you will take ten paces.Copy !req
108. Then...Copy !req
109. you will unleash hell.Copy !req
110. And...Copy !req
111. one pace.Copy !req
112. Two. Good.
No peeking, now.Copy !req
113. Three.Copy !req
114. - Four...
- NADJA: Laszlo!Copy !req
115. - Laszlo, no!
That's not courageous!
- Bat!Copy !req
116. - (horn blaring)
- He's not coming back,
you know.Copy !req
117. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
118. - NANDOR: Sorry about that.
- (groans)Copy !req
119. Oops. He found the big one.Copy !req
120. - Cravensworth!
- Yeesh.Copy !req
121. Am I a coward?Copy !req
122. Of course not.Copy !req
123. There is no honor in defeat.Copy !req
124. - (grunts)
- I've never paid the piperCopy !req
125. in my life,Copy !req
126. and I won't start now.Copy !req
127. - (blows)
- I supposeCopy !req
128. it won't surprise thee to learnCopy !req
129. that I've prepared
for a night such as this.Copy !req
130. - So, my sweet angel...
- (exhales sharply)Copy !req
131. it is here
that I bid you farewell,Copy !req
132. for tonight is the nightCopy !req
133. that I must disappear forever.Copy !req
134. Love,Copy !req
135. the man formerly known...Copy !req
136. as...Copy !req
137. Laszlo.Copy !req
138. Forgive me, my darling.Copy !req
139. (groans)
There we are.Copy !req
140. Blue jeans.Copy !req
141. And my toothpick.Copy !req
142. My foolproof human disguiseCopy !req
143. for whenever
the shit hits the wind.Copy !req
144. Makes me
completely unrecognizable.Copy !req
145. - How you diddling, Joe-Joe?
- Yep.Copy !req
146. Your wife still giving you shit
over that hammock?Copy !req
147. After all that nonsense
on Staten Island,Copy !req
148. I cut loose to Pennsylvania,Copy !req
149. because it sounded
like "Transylvania."Copy !req
150. And we all know
that sounds cool.Copy !req
151. I infiltrated the township
posing asCopy !req
152. your average
American Yankee Doodle Dandy.Copy !req
153. And I took over
Lucky Brew's Bar and Grill.Copy !req
154. - MAN: Yeah!
- The previous owner,Copy !req
155. he mysteriously disappeared—Copy !req
156. because I killed him.Copy !req
157. - Drinks on the house!
- (shouting, whooping)Copy !req
158. And I have not
looked back since.Copy !req
159. I now go by the name of Daytona.Copy !req
160. Jackie Daytona.Copy !req
161. And I'll tell you something.Copy !req
162. Jackie Daytona's life,
it ain't so bad.Copy !req
163. Not bad at all.Copy !req
164. Yeah!Copy !req
165. I've been in this town
a long time,Copy !req
166. and we've never really met
someone like Jackie.Copy !req
167. No one here knows
I'm a vampire,Copy !req
168. apart from the people
I've drained and killed,Copy !req
169. but they're dead now,
so that problem'sCopy !req
170. pretty much solved itself.Copy !req
171. This will blow your mind.Copy !req
172. - (bass singing)
- Huh?Copy !req
173. He has a really big heart.Copy !req
174. How the hell does that work?Copy !req
175. Hardly anyone caredCopy !req
176. about the volleyball team
until he came around.Copy !req
177. Up, up, up!Copy !req
178. - (cheering)
- Yeah! Unlucky!Copy !req
179. We weren't doing real well.
Uh, we were losing a lot.Copy !req
180. And, uh, Jackie Daytona
shows up, and, suddenly,Copy !req
181. balls are going
where they're supposed to go.Copy !req
182. - You got this. Nice! Set!
- Come on, girls.Copy !req
183. I'm pretty sure
he's the X factor.Copy !req
184. There we go!Copy !req
185. Superb!Copy !req
186. While I'm in disguise,Copy !req
187. I can't fly.Copy !req
188. So I got myself one of these.Copy !req
189. Let's go, Bucks.Copy !req
190. - (grunting)
- I've truly grown
to love this township.Copy !req
191. So I have rid it of
some motor-bicycle criminals.Copy !req
192. You better hit the bricksCopy !req
193. before I put my foot
up your ass.Copy !req
194. Every year, me and the boysCopy !req
195. go on a charity run
to raise money for kids.Copy !req
196. We're just on a weekend rideCopy !req
197. to raise money
for Toys for Tots.Copy !req
198. And he came out of nowhere
and beat the shit out of us.Copy !req
199. How 'bout I put this toy
where the moon don't shine?Copy !req
200. He's really mysterious.Copy !req
201. And modest.
He covered upCopy !req
202. all the mirrors in the bar.Copy !req
203. When you're Jackie Daytona,Copy !req
204. you can do whatever you want,
'cause you change lives.Copy !req
205. Jackie Daytona reallyCopy !req
206. inspires me.Copy !req
207. It may have sprung
from necessity,Copy !req
208. but now I feel
as though I may never depart.Copy !req
209. We made it!Copy !req
210. Drinks are on Jackie Daytona!Copy !req
211. - (cheering, applause)
- Yes.Copy !req
212. Okay, okay, okay, everybody!Copy !req
213. Ah, you know,
we've had a rough year.Copy !req
214. But tonight...Copy !req
215. we qualified for State!Copy !req
216. Great work!Copy !req
217. I want to take a second
to thank everybodyCopy !req
218. and, most of all,
a huge, huge thank you—Copy !req
219. yes— to our friend,
Mr. Jackie Daytona!Copy !req
220. We love you, Jackie!Copy !req
221. Jackie, if it were not for you,Copy !req
222. we wouldn't be here.Copy !req
223. You're the heart and soul
of this team, sir.Copy !req
224. - Yes, you are!
- MAN: Yes, you are.Copy !req
225. I am just a regular human guy.Copy !req
226. - Oh...
- No, you're not.
- MAN: Come on.Copy !req
227. And, unfortunately, now...Copy !req
228. I got to deliver
some pretty tough news.Copy !req
229. Due to state budget cuts,Copy !req
230. we are no longer able to afford
this year's tournament fees.Copy !req
231. And, therefore, we...Copy !req
232. we're not going to State.Copy !req
233. - You what?
- (gasping, murmuring)Copy !req
234. I'm so sorry, Jackie.Copy !req
235. I need some air!Copy !req
236. It makes no sense to me either,Copy !req
237. that I would fall in love
with volleyball.Copy !req
238. But, you know what,
I've come to love those Bucks.Copy !req
239. I love the popcorn,
the squeakCopy !req
240. of the tennis shoes
on the court.Copy !req
241. And I promised I'd never get
emotional in front of you chaps,Copy !req
242. but...Copy !req
243. I didn't scrape and murder
my way to PennsylvaniaCopy !req
244. to watch those talented athletes
get fucked off.Copy !req
245. I don't mind saying
I need your help, Billy Bass.Copy !req
246. I'm shit out of ideas.Copy !req
247. Penny for your thoughts.Copy !req
248. I think we'll need more
than a penny, Luce.Copy !req
249. Those poor girls,
they didn't deserve that.Copy !req
250. You got a big heart, Jackie.Copy !req
251. Everyone in this town
knows that.Copy !req
252. Mm.Copy !req
253. I just wish I understood you.Copy !req
254. You're such a mystery.Copy !req
255. You say you're from Tucson,
but you talkCopy !req
256. all fancy and Europe-like.Copy !req
257. This is the way we talk
in Tucson, Arizonia.Copy !req
258. If only there was some way
to help that volleyball team.Copy !req
259. - ♪♪ She's all mine... ♪♪
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, there.Copy !req
260. You never told me
you could sing like that.Copy !req
261. Not only that,
you can sing real damn good.Copy !req
262. That's given me an idea.Copy !req
263. I say, an incredible idea.Copy !req
264. Jackie Daytona has
a major-league plan.Copy !req
265. Talent show tomorrow,
here in the pub.Copy !req
266. We charge five bucks a ticket.Copy !req
267. Imagine the amount of money
we'll raise for these girls.Copy !req
268. Yes!Copy !req
269. This town's full of talent.Copy !req
270. He's getting into it.Copy !req
271. This is gonna be spectacular.Copy !req
272. I know that you're
a first-rate singer.Copy !req
273. Talent show.Copy !req
274. Lucky Brew's.Copy !req
275. Take another one for your wife.Copy !req
276. You can do some impersonations.Copy !req
277. (imitating Borat):
My wife!Copy !req
278. There you go. Henry VIII.Copy !req
279. - Support the Bucks.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.Copy !req
280. Take a leaflet.Copy !req
281. See you tomorrow?Copy !req
282. Come on.Copy !req
283. Me, I'm pretty handy
at the old shadow puppetry.Copy !req
284. It's very scary.Copy !req
285. But watch this.Copy !req
286. (laughs):
How do you do that?Copy !req
287. I won't goof it up.Copy !req
288. I promise.Copy !req
289. You can trust me.Copy !req
290. Playing cardsCopy !req
291. actually were invented
by the ChineseCopy !req
292. in the ninth century.Copy !req
293. Please shut up.Copy !req
294. Nadja, it's your turn.Copy !req
295. - Yes, you should go speak
to her.
- I can step in.Copy !req
296. - No, you can't.
- All right.Copy !req
297. I just couldn't sit there
playing gamesCopy !req
298. when my Laszlo is so fragile
and out there just all alone!Copy !req
299. He survived this far, so...Copy !req
300. - COLIN: Hello.
- Oh, um...Copy !req
301. not now, Colin Robinson.Copy !req
302. I'm actually just checking in.Copy !req
303. You seem to be having
a difficult timeCopy !req
304. now that Laszlo left youCopy !req
305. and is likely dead.Copy !req
306. You seem... you know, so lonely.Copy !req
307. - (crying): I am so lonely!
- Yeah.Copy !req
308. You know,
you don't need to be lonely.Copy !req
309. Thanks.Copy !req
310. No. No.Copy !req
311. - No?
- No.Copy !req
312. - No?
- No. No.Copy !req
313. (chuckles): No, I wasn't...
actually trying to kiss Nadja.Copy !req
314. It's just that
the unwanted kiss rejectionCopy !req
315. is one of the most awkwardCopy !req
316. interactions you can have
and, therefore,Copy !req
317. the most delicious form
of energy draining.Copy !req
318. 'Cause I w—
I was getting a bit of a-a vibe.Copy !req
319. - No way.
- Okay.Copy !req
320. It was like
a Thanksgiving feast.Copy !req
321. Mwah. (laughs)Copy !req
322. If I wasn't married...
(chuckles)Copy !req
323. and you were
a completely different person...Copy !req
324. You know, I wanted to check
on all the walls of the house.Copy !req
325. See you around.Copy !req
326. Every day in every room...Copy !req
327. Yeah.Copy !req
328. - ... on forever.
- I live here.Copy !req
329. We're gonna be bumping
into each other a lot.Copy !req
330. So, what's your deal?Copy !req
331. I did, however, try to kissCopy !req
332. the Nadja doll, and...Copy !req
333. its rejection, uh... stung.Copy !req
334. Come on, Joe, drink up.Copy !req
335. I don't want
Carol ringing here again.Copy !req
336. I'm about to close, friend-o.Copy !req
337. Anything quick
I can rustle you...Copy !req
338. up?Copy !req
339. Uh, one human alcohol beer,
please.Copy !req
340. Coming right up.Copy !req
341. One human alcohol beer it is.Copy !req
342. You don't mind if I join you,
do you?Copy !req
343. Please do.Copy !req
344. So, what blows you into town?Copy !req
345. Oh, just, uh...Copy !req
346. passing through.Copy !req
347. Judging by that look
on your face,Copy !req
348. I'd say there's something
on your mind.Copy !req
349. I suppose I can trust you.Copy !req
350. After all, you're clearlyCopy !req
351. just a regular human bartender.Copy !req
352. - Mm.
- The jeans, the toothpick.Copy !req
353. Salt of the earth.Copy !req
354. - (chuckles)
- That's all I am.Copy !req
355. Just a regular humanCopy !req
356. bartender.Copy !req
357. Ah.Copy !req
358. Mmm.Copy !req
359. To tell the truth,Copy !req
360. I've been scouring
the area for a while now.Copy !req
361. I'm hunting a shady character.Copy !req
362. Ah.Copy !req
363. - "Shady character," you say?
- Yes.Copy !req
364. Great pint.Copy !req
365. Laszlo's his name.Copy !req
366. A slippery heathen more vileCopy !req
367. than the most vile villain.Copy !req
368. A pestilence masquerading
as a man.Copy !req
369. - A cowardly worm of a person!
- All right, all right,
all right.Copy !req
370. I get your point, stranger.Copy !req
371. - Sounds like a regular wacko.
- (groans)Copy !req
372. A real son of a bitch.Copy !req
373. - Yes.
- I'll keepCopy !req
374. my peepers peeled for that guy.Copy !req
375. Well, then, uh,
I will get out of your hair.Copy !req
376. Thank you
for the strong beverageCopy !req
377. and your time.Copy !req
378. My pleasure.Copy !req
379. But if you see anybodyCopy !req
380. that seems off...Copy !req
381. give me a call.Copy !req
382. Nice to meet you,
Jim the Vampire.Copy !req
383. How...Copy !req
384. did you know my name?Copy !req
385. It's printed on your card
very clearly.Copy !req
386. Oh. Right.
(laughs)Copy !req
387. - Eh, well, good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
388. - Oh.
- (chuckles)Copy !req
389. That was too fucking close
for comfort.Copy !req
390. The smart thing to do now
would be to get out of town.Copy !req
391. I mean, that's what
Laszlo would do.Copy !req
392. But I'm not Laszlo.
I'm Jackie Daytona.Copy !req
393. And I made a promise
to this town.Copy !req
394. - LASZLO: Give me a "hell yeah!"
- CROWD: Hell yeah!Copy !req
395. Wasn't that something?Copy !req
396. Now, listen, I want to thank
everyone for coming down.Copy !req
397. We have raised the money
to send these girls to State!Copy !req
398. Way to go, Bucks!Copy !req
399. You enjoy yourself.Copy !req
400. If you want me,
I'll be at the bar.Copy !req
401. Take it away, Luce.Copy !req
402. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
403. I, uh, don't normally do
much singing in public,Copy !req
404. but a very good friend gave me
the strength to be up here.Copy !req
405. This one's for you, Jackie.Copy !req
406. - ("Simply Irresistible" playing)
- GIRLS: We love you, Jackie!Copy !req
407. I'm guessing the jig is up.Copy !req
408. It certainly is,Copy !req
409. if by "jig,"Copy !req
410. you mean "the varsity
volleyball team's chanceCopy !req
411. of going to State,"
then, yes, the jig is up.Copy !req
412. Oh, you were talking
about the volleyball?Copy !req
413. Mm, yes.Copy !req
414. - (exhales)
- I read your flyer.Copy !req
415. I was so heartbroken
for the team,Copy !req
416. I decided to come back and spare
a few bucks to help them out.Copy !req
417. Even though
I am extremely poor...Copy !req
418. - Ah.
- ... due to someone
swindling me years ago.Copy !req
419. Anyway,Copy !req
420. your fundraiser has been
my only source of hopeCopy !req
421. in a long, long time.Copy !req
422. Well, then you'll be pleased
to know that we've raisedCopy !req
423. enough money to send
the girls to State.Copy !req
424. Oh, thank goodness!Copy !req
425. You don't know how it warms
my heart to hear that.Copy !req
426. Would you like a drink,
old-timer?Copy !req
427. Yes, I'll have a...Copy !req
428. uh, one human alcohol martini,
please.Copy !req
429. - Martini? An aristocrat.
- Mm.Copy !req
430. - (chuckles)
- I like that.Copy !req
431. Charlatan!Copy !req
432. - (people gasping)
- LASZLO: Oh, shit.Copy !req
433. I'm guessing I've come
to the end of the road.Copy !req
434. (gasps)
It was you the whole time.Copy !req
435. Prepare for your punishment,
Cravensworth.Copy !req
436. It will not be swift.Copy !req
437. Not without a fight,
me old fruit.Copy !req
438. - (both hissing)
- Oh, my God,Copy !req
439. - they're vampires!
- (screaming)Copy !req
440. - Oh, they're gonna
kill each other!
- You had enough, old man?Copy !req
441. - (hisses)
- Shit!Copy !req
442. Eh.Copy !req
443. Oh, that's going
to leave a mark!Copy !req
444. Hey, Jim the Vampire,Copy !req
445. - you're fired.
- That doesn't even make
any sense.Copy !req
446. I don't work for you.Copy !req
447. Oh, fire. Now I get it.Copy !req
448. - Shit!
- The money for State!Copy !req
449. Oh, no!Copy !req
450. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh!Copy !req
451. No! Get out!Copy !req
452. Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
453. I've got this covered.Copy !req
454. (groans)
Shit.Copy !req
455. Oh, no.Copy !req
456. Ugh, no.Copy !req
457. Look what we've done.Copy !req
458. All these years
of obsession and hatred.Copy !req
459. - Well...
- You know who the real losers
are in all this?Copy !req
460. The girls volleyball team.
That's who.Copy !req
461. Kind of puts our whole beef
in perspective, doesn't it?Copy !req
462. - I should say it does.
- Mm.Copy !req
463. That debt I owe, I shall pay it.Copy !req
464. And I shall pay it in full.Copy !req
465. Even the most wealthy
of vampires would struggleCopy !req
466. - to pay what you owe.
- Ah.Copy !req
467. But even the most wealthy
of vampires,Copy !req
468. they don't own what I own.Copy !req
469. - This.
- What is this?Copy !req
470. Do you remember
the Mechanical Turk?Copy !req
471. Ooh, yes.Copy !req
472. Well, this is the same thing
in fish form.Copy !req
473. - (laughs)
- Don't ask me to explainCopy !req
474. how it works,
'cause it's unexplainable.Copy !req
475. Because there's only one
in the whole world.Copy !req
476. - ♪♪ Will they say
I've spent my life ♪♪
- (gasps)Copy !req
477. - Look, look.
- Isn't it splendid?Copy !req
478. Oh, I have never seen
such beauty.Copy !req
479. Your debt is paid,
Laszlo Cravensworth.Copy !req
480. - Excelsior.
- Excelsior.Copy !req
481. And I apologize for
the billiard ball to the head.Copy !req
482. - (chuckles)
- Safe passage, sir.Copy !req
483. - Lucy.
- (screams)Copy !req
484. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
485. I just came to say goodbye.Copy !req
486. You're a very sweet girl,
but it never would've worked.Copy !req
487. One, I'm married.Copy !req
488. Two, I'm a vampire.Copy !req
489. Time to get the fuck out
of here.Copy !req
490. Fucking hell!Copy !req
491. I never learned to drive,
which is a pity,Copy !req
492. 'cause that thing cost
a fortune.Copy !req
493. Bat!Copy !req
494. So it seems that
the winding path of life...Copy !req
495. Guess who's back!Copy !req
496. has led me back to myself.Copy !req
497. Back to Laszlo.Copy !req
498. Yes!Copy !req
499. - Everybody, my Laszlo is home!
- (laughs)Copy !req
500. Hello, Laszlo.Copy !req
501. What? Is that it?Copy !req
502. - What?
- I've been gone ages,Copy !req
503. and all you can do is,
"Hello, Laszlo"?Copy !req
504. Please. You've been away
for, like, one week.Copy !req
505. Are you kidding?
I was a different person.Copy !req
506. I was Jackie Daytona.Copy !req
507. I said "Welcome back," didn't I?
Fucking guy.Copy !req
508. - Who cares?
- Let's go.Copy !req
509. - To the boudoir.
- (laughs) Ooh!Copy !req
510. Run! I'm so horny!Copy !req
511. Some of Jackie Daytona'sCopy !req
512. good-naturedness
has rubbed off on me.Copy !req
513. I set Lucky Brew's ablazeCopy !req
514. and picked up
the insurance moneyCopy !req
515. to put
the girls volleyball teamCopy !req
516. through to State.Copy !req
517. Thing is,Copy !req
518. one of the waitstaff
was still in the building,Copy !req
519. so I had to set fire to another
building to pay for his funeral.Copy !req
520. And after hypnotizing
the entire townCopy !req
521. into forgetting vampires
ever existed,Copy !req
522. I put in a good word
for a new friend.Copy !req
523. Nice hustle, Jessica!Copy !req
524. Teamwork pays off!
Very good, very good!Copy !req
525. Yeah! Don't be afraid
to draw blood.Copy !req
526. Yes!Copy !req
527. And you know what?Copy !req
528. I think we could all use
a bit of Jackie DaytonaCopy !req
529. time and again.Copy !req
530. Oh, no.Copy !req
531. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
532. And what on earth
are you doing in my boudoir?Copy !req
533. - Relax, my darling. It's me.
- Laszlo!Copy !req
534. You scared me half to death.Copy !req
535. (gasps)
Oh.Copy !req
536. You're back.
So, what is your name, stranger?Copy !req
537. My name is Jackie.Copy !req
538. - Jackie Daytona.
- (chuckles)Copy !req
539. - Come here.
- LASZLO: Ooh.Copy !req
540. I want to see
if your other toothpickCopy !req
541. - is made of wood.
- (laughs)Copy !req
542. Get ready!Copy !req
543. - Oh, no!
- Oh! What the...?Copy !req
544. Oh, no!Copy !req
545. My Mechanical Turk!
(crying)Copy !req
546. - Hey. (chuckles nervously)
- Oh, no!Copy !req
547. Hey, hey, hey.
Don't worry about it.Copy !req
548. You can get those anywhere.
I'll just bring you a new oneCopy !req
549. tomorrow, okay?Copy !req
550. Cravensworth...!Copy !req
551. Since then, I've found out
there's a indie bandCopy !req
552. also called Jackie DaytonaCopy !req
553. operating in Texas.Copy !req
554. I listened to their music,Copy !req
555. and I'm pretty confident
there's no conflict.Copy !req
556. And I have to say this,Copy !req
557. 'cause someone called
Mark from Clearance told me to.Copy !req