1. We have been invited
to a highly exclusive event.Copy !req
2. We will be spending
this Sunday eveningCopy !req
3. at our neighbor Sean's
Superb Owl party.Copy !req
4. Vampires have huge respect
for owls.Copy !req
5. they're nocturnal,Copy !req
6. they're predators,
and three:Copy !req
7. they don't give a hoot
where they dump their scat.Copy !req
8. The party we're going toCopy !req
9. is celebrating the Superb Owl,Copy !req
10. who is the greatest owl
of all time.Copy !req
11. Do you think we're going to get
to touch its little beak?Copy !req
12. Depends what mood he's in.Copy !req
13. Yeah, I know
it's a Super Bowl party, butCopy !req
14. I tried to correct them
and they wouldn't listen.Copy !req
15. That's the owl's egg.Copy !req
16. Also, I didn't try
all that hard.Copy !req
17. Remember, no killing
at this Superb Owl party...Copy !req
18. - Super Bowl.
- ... out of respectCopy !req
19. for our good friend
and host, Sean.Copy !req
20. Once this evening is over,Copy !req
21. Guillermo will have
a nice assortmentCopy !req
22. - of virgins for us.
- (laughs)Copy !req
23. Oh— and behave.Copy !req
24. - (groans)
- Blend in.Copy !req
25. This is an all-human party.Copy !req
26. Hey!Copy !req
27. You guys made it! Nadja...Copy !req
28. Nandor... My man Laz...Copy !req
29. Dilbert-looking guy.Copy !req
30. (chuckles)
So, what are you waiting for?Copy !req
31. Get your rears in gear
and get in here.Copy !req
32. - (laughs)
- That counts.Copy !req
33. All right, come on!Copy !req
34. Yo, Charmaine!Copy !req
35. Look who it is.Copy !req
36. - Our European neighbors
from next door.
- Oh.Copy !req
37. Could you run to the ShopRite
and grab a few more bagsCopy !req
38. of those Tostitos Hint of LimesCopy !req
39. before you start drinking?Copy !req
40. First off, I already started.Copy !req
41. - (Charmaine groans)
- What?Copy !req
42. - What?
- Now you're catching
an attitude?Copy !req
43. - Right in front of our guests?
- (mouth full): Well,
this is my house.Copy !req
44. I can catch whatever I want.Copy !req
45. Why don't you go catch it
somewhere else?Copy !req
46. Oh, shut up. (groans)Copy !req
47. It's always something
with this one.Copy !req
48. Anyway, come on in.Copy !req
49. Listen, we're sort of
a no-shoes household,Copy !req
50. - so, uh...
- I'm not taking my shoes off
for anyone.Copy !req
51. That's fine, Laz.Copy !req
52. Virgins, virgins, virgins...Copy !req
53. (scoffs) Stupid. I don't know
why I always do that.Copy !req
54. You know, I've been thinking
about my lineage lately,Copy !req
55. and just because
I have Van Helsing blood in meCopy !req
56. doesn't mean that I'm destined
to be this vampire killer.Copy !req
57. Get back!Copy !req
58. I'm sure that
somewhere along the lineCopy !req
59. there was an amazing bakerCopy !req
60. in my family, right?Copy !req
61. But does that make me
an amazing baker?Copy !req
62. Actually, I am a really,
really good baker.Copy !req
63. Oh, no.Copy !req
64. The thing with motion smoothingCopy !req
65. that you have to rememberCopy !req
66. is, you want it on
for sporting eventsCopy !req
67. but off for TV and movies.Copy !req
68. Even take a football movie,Copy !req
69. like 1974's The Longest Yard,Copy !req
70. starring mustachioed actor
Burt Reynolds.Copy !req
71. Dude, you're—
you're blocking kickoff.Copy !req
72. Well, better to not watch
the game at allCopy !req
73. than to watch
in the wrong format, right?Copy !req
74. Colin, enough!Copy !req
75. They want the owl.Copy !req
76. So, do you have any knowledgeCopy !req
77. of the owl's temperament
tonight?Copy !req
78. Uh, I hope it's not too fussy.Copy !req
79. Who, Charmaine?
No, she's always like that.Copy !req
80. - (laughter)
- CHARMAINE: What'd you say,
Frankie?Copy !req
81. - FRANK: Oh, nothing.
- (groans)Copy !req
82. You still owe me $100
for that pizza night.Copy !req
83. - Oh, get out of here!
- No, you don't get to talkCopy !req
84. - until you give me that pizza...
- I paid you back two weeks ago.Copy !req
85. - SEAN: Get off it, Charmaine!
- He never paid me back.Copy !req
86. - Get off it!
- 100 bucks for pizza?Copy !req
87. Ugh, Nadia, you must be
miserable in here.Copy !req
88. All this testosterone. Come on.Copy !req
89. The other wives are havingCopy !req
90. a little powwow in the kitchen.Copy !req
91. - Sean has more wives?
- SEAN: I wish.Copy !req
92. Excuse me?Copy !req
93. - Nothing, nothing.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.Copy !req
94. Busted.Copy !req
95. So, how come we never see
you guys around hereCopy !req
96. - during the regular season?
- SEAN: Believe me, I triedCopy !req
97. to get 'em to hang,Copy !req
98. but they never seem to be around
during the day.Copy !req
99. You know, come to think of it,Copy !req
100. I really only see them at night.Copy !req
101. It's like they're, uh, vampires
or something.Copy !req
102. - (men shouting indistinctly)
- Get in.Copy !req
103. Fuck.Copy !req
104. You heard what he said.Copy !req
105. He knows we're vampires.Copy !req
106. Um, ocupado.Copy !req
107. Yes. Uh, we are just taking
a nice shit together.Copy !req
108. I-I'll come back.Copy !req
109. I think we need to...
(growls softly)Copy !req
110. - What, "whack" him?
- Yes.Copy !req
111. No, if we "whack" him,Copy !req
112. we'll have to "whack" everybody.Copy !req
113. The place will be
a fucking bloodbath.Copy !req
114. But he knows our dark secret.Copy !req
115. All right.Copy !req
116. Let's get him to a private place
where we'll both hypnotize him.Copy !req
117. He'll forget everything.Copy !req
118. - Good old double hypnosis.
- Yes.Copy !req
119. It's tough finding new groups
of virgins.Copy !req
120. Tried joggers. Hard to catch
and very sweaty and slippery.Copy !req
121. Tried incels.
Definitely virgins.Copy !req
122. But very bitter, apparently.Copy !req
123. "Mosquito Collectors
of the Tristate Area."Copy !req
124. Beep, beep, beep. Nerd alert.
(chuckles)Copy !req
125. I'm kidding.Copy !req
126. They are nerds, though.
They're probably virgins.Copy !req
127. Sourcing food for my master
does have its benefits.Copy !req
128. It gives me a chance to search
for my own food.Copy !req
129. And save some for later.Copy !req
130. So, um,Copy !req
131. how long have you guys been, uh,
collecting mosquitoes for?Copy !req
132. Seems like it would take up
a lot of your timeCopy !req
133. and it wouldn't leave much time
for anything else.Copy !req
134. Dating.Copy !req
135. What makes you so interested
in mosquito collecting, son?Copy !req
136. - Well?
- Uh, I love insects.Copy !req
137. MosquitoesCopy !req
138. are an evil, deadly species.Copy !req
139. Doesn't the fact that they drink
human blood sicken you?Copy !req
140. - Yeah.
- CLAUDE: Yeah? Sure about that?Copy !req
141. You guys are the ones
with the mosquito club.Copy !req
142. - (chuckles) Just...
- What aboutCopy !req
143. other creatures
that drink human blood?Copy !req
144. Creatures with sharp teeth
and stupid accents?Copy !req
145. You...Copy !req
146. Y-You mean, um, vampires?Copy !req
147. You said that, not me.Copy !req
148. You did.Copy !req
149. But yeah.Copy !req
150. Do evil, bloodsucking vampires
sicken you?Copy !req
151. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
152. - They make me sick.
- You sure about that?Copy !req
153. Yeah, I want to throw up
right now.Copy !req
154. Well, brother,
you've come to the right place.Copy !req
155. He's worthy.Copy !req
156. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
157. - Come on, guys. He's worthy.
- TONYA: Oh.Copy !req
158. Like we practiced.Copy !req
159. - Activate.
- Yes!Copy !req
160. Huh?Copy !req
161. Holy...Copy !req
162. - You guys are vampire hunters.
- (Derek chuckles)Copy !req
163. Hell, yeah, we are.Copy !req
164. Yeah, that mosquito thing?
It's all a cover.Copy !req
165. Actually,
you're the first personCopy !req
166. we've gotten to do
that cool reveal for.Copy !req
167. Wow.Copy !req
168. Moving around like a l-lunatic.
Put a collarCopy !req
169. on the guy, you know?Copy !req
170. (laughs)
Great joke, assholes.Copy !req
171. - (laughs)
- We were just saying
what a beautiful houseCopy !req
172. - you have.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
173. Yes. Uh, we were also wonderingCopy !req
174. if it has an attic
or basement or...Copy !req
175. - Yeah.
- ... dark, soundproof roomCopy !req
176. you could show us?Copy !req
177. Oh, you guys want a tour.Copy !req
178. (chuckles):
Yeah, sure. So, these stepsCopy !req
179. were built by my Uncle Fulvio
in 2011.Copy !req
180. - (laughs)
- And then Sean says to me,Copy !req
181. "Why don't we wait to celebrate
our anniversary until afterCopy !req
182. "I get back
from the Islanders game?Copy !req
183. - If they win."
- What?Copy !req
184. - (all groan)
- LIZA: My Ronnie didCopy !req
185. the exact same thing to me,
only he did itCopy !req
186. on the same day
as my sister's funeral.Copy !req
187. - CHARMAINE: No.
- Are you kidding?
- Yeah. He said that...Copy !req
188. I had completely forgotten
that when a humanCopy !req
189. takes a mate, the mate keeps
growing and changing and aging.Copy !req
190. - LIZA: He said that.
- Wow.Copy !req
191. Can I ask you all, m-my ladies,Copy !req
192. you are all
such strong, beautiful,Copy !req
193. - vicious, vibrant women.
(chuckles)
- Yes. (chuckles)Copy !req
194. How did you all end up married
to such boiled potatoes?Copy !req
195. You know what, though?
Seanie used to be so thoughtful.Copy !req
196. He was so sweet.Copy !req
197. When my dog had to get put down,Copy !req
198. he brought me flowers
for a month straight.Copy !req
199. Oh, yeah, I remember that.Copy !req
200. Yeah, what happened to us?Copy !req
201. These poor women.Copy !req
202. They take a lovely,
handsome chapCopy !req
203. from the street,
make him their husband,Copy !req
204. and then,
in the blinks of an eye,Copy !req
205. he becomes
a big, lazy sack of shit.Copy !req
206. So sad.Copy !req
207. All right.
Who needs some more wine?Copy !req
208. I think
that this bottle's turned,Copy !req
209. - but it'll still
get the job done.
- Yes, please.Copy !req
210. - (Charmaine laughs)
- You love wine.Copy !req
211. - WENDY: Oh, yeah.
- CHARMAINE: Hey, Joanie.Copy !req
212. What, are you lost? Do you want
to go back up to bed?Copy !req
213. Oh, what kind of movie
are you making?Copy !req
214. - There's a camera.
- CHARMAINE: Oh.Copy !req
215. You should get back up to bed.Copy !req
216. - Oh, we love wine.
- (glass shatters)Copy !req
217. Holy shit.Copy !req
218. - What?
- JOAN: It's you.Copy !req
219. I-It's you. I-I usedCopy !req
220. to see you sitting
up in the tree.Copy !req
221. No, Ma, this is
our next-door neighbor.Copy !req
222. I'm sorry about her.
This is Sean's mom.Copy !req
223. The neurologist
has her on Aricept now,Copy !req
224. but when the sun goes down,
she gets a little mixed up.Copy !req
225. You transformed yourself
into a cat.Copy !req
226. - (laughs)
- You taught me the danceCopy !req
227. - of the ancient soothsayer.
- NADJA: Ooh!Copy !req
228. Calm yourself, dear.Copy !req
229. You're just feeling
a little bit demented,Copy !req
230. that's all.Copy !req
231. I'm so sorry about your brain.Copy !req
232. Oh, yeah, everything
she's saying is completely true.Copy !req
233. I am Nadja.Copy !req
234. Sean's mother Joanie grew up
right here in this house.Copy !req
235. We used to have
so much fun together.Copy !req
236. I used to pin her
to the ceiling for hours.Copy !req
237. She cried and cried.Copy !req
238. - I know you.
- Guys, uh, can you help
get Ma back up to bed?Copy !req
239. I know her. I know who she is.Copy !req
240. She used to be
such a cute, littleCopy !req
241. fresh-faced girl.Copy !req
242. But now she just looks
like an elephant's knee.Copy !req
243. - Okay, don't make me
pick you up, Joan.
- NADJA: SorryCopy !req
244. - about how demented you are. Oh.
- (Charmaine sighs)Copy !req
245. And here it is.
The crown jewel of the home.Copy !req
246. The world's largest collectionCopy !req
247. of Ocean's Twelve memorabilia.Copy !req
248. Brad Pitt's tinted sunglasses
from whenCopy !req
249. he first meets Baron Toulour.
Ooh!Copy !req
250. Scott Caan bobblehead,
mint condish. Yeah, it's like,Copy !req
251. they did some decent
world-building in Eleven,Copy !req
252. but it all pays off
in Ocean's Twelve.Copy !req
253. You need to fucking stop talking
about the sea.Copy !req
254. - What?
- We know that you know
our secret.Copy !req
255. What secret?Copy !req
256. That we are vampires.Copy !req
257. You said it downstairs in frontCopy !req
258. - of all of your round friends.
- I was just joking.Copy !req
259. You're not vampires.
Get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
260. Yes, we are.Copy !req
261. (gasps)
Whoa! How are you doing this?Copy !req
262. Where are the wires?
How are you doing that?Copy !req
263. I'm thinking
maybe he didn't know.Copy !req
264. - So, we shouldn't hypnotize him?
- (gasps)Copy !req
265. - No, now we definitely should.
- Oh, fuck.Copy !req
266. Vampires are real.Copy !req
267. - Vampires are real!
- Let the double hypnosisCopy !req
268. - commence.
- (gagging)Copy !req
269. We commandCopy !req
270. - that you forget...
- You forgetCopy !req
271. - everything.
- ... that we are vampires,
please.Copy !req
272. I think it's worked.Copy !req
273. What happened?Copy !req
274. Quite all right, Sean?Copy !req
275. Uh, yeah, totally.Copy !req
276. But wh-who's Sean?Copy !req
277. Shit. He's forgotten everything.Copy !req
278. So, what are some of the terms
we use for vampires?Copy !req
279. Mosquitoes.Copy !req
280. Suckers. Biters.Copy !req
281. I know that it seems likeCopy !req
282. a big coincidence that I go out
looking for virginsCopy !req
283. and find a secret den
of vampire hunters,Copy !req
284. but this is no coincidence.Copy !req
285. Okay? It's like
the universe has been tryingCopy !req
286. to tell me for a long time,
"Hey, Guillermo."Copy !req
287. And I've been like, "I don't
know, I don't think so."Copy !req
288. But now like, "Hey, Guillermo.Copy !req
289. Yeah, dude. Yeah."Copy !req
290. FamiliarsCopy !req
291. are pathetic,Copy !req
292. lonely, desperate, low-IQ,Copy !req
293. sad losers.Copy !req
294. They live to do the bidding
of their cruel,Copy !req
295. uncaring masters.Copy !req
296. Okay, gonna open up the floor toCopy !req
297. any thoughts and/or suggestions.Copy !req
298. Oh, um, Claude, okay.Copy !req
299. One idea that I had is, uh,Copy !req
300. that I think that we should
all have sex with each other.Copy !req
301. 'Cause that way if any of us
is a virgin, then, you know,Copy !req
302. we wouldn't be any longer.Copy !req
303. And then it would prevent us
from being targetedCopy !req
304. - by vampires.
- Derek...Copy !req
305. you need to stop
suggesting that.Copy !req
306. Okay, yeah, yeah,
to-totally, yeah.Copy !req
307. Knock, knock, Joanie.Copy !req
308. Miss Nadja, is it really you?Copy !req
309. Yes, of course it is me.Copy !req
310. I was lying down there.Copy !req
311. Oh, I've missed you so much,
my little Joanie!Copy !req
312. So, did you have a good life?Copy !req
313. Uh, yes.Copy !req
314. I-I think so. Oh!Copy !req
315. I took a trip to Nova Scotia
at one point.Copy !req
316. And did you marry
that boy you liked?Copy !req
317. - Franklin?
- Yeah.Copy !req
318. Oh, yes, I...Copy !req
319. Oh, wow, look.Copy !req
320. You were very beautiful
for a very brief moment.Copy !req
321. Wait.Copy !req
322. Where did you get this necklace?Copy !req
323. This is my necklace.Copy !req
324. - Pardon?
- The jade one in this photo.Copy !req
325. You motherfucker!Copy !req
326. It was my prized jade necklace.Copy !req
327. It was given to me
by my mother when I was young,Copy !req
328. just before she was
eaten by a bear.Copy !req
329. I should have known
you would have stolen it!Copy !req
330. You were always
a sneaky little human shit!Copy !req
331. You know, if you listen to it,
you can still hear her screams.Copy !req
332. - (distorted screaming)
- It was the type of jadeCopy !req
333. that absorbs human screams.Copy !req
334. And she was really screaming.Copy !req
335. So it took it very strongly.
Thieving bitch!Copy !req
336. Give it back to me!Copy !req
337. You little brat, where is it?Copy !req
338. I don't know what you're
talking about!Copy !req
339. You are a lying piece
of old cabbage!Copy !req
340. But I don't know what
you're talking— help!Copy !req
341. Help! I'm having
an episode! Help!Copy !req
342. - She attacked me!
- Oh, no, she didn't.Copy !req
343. - Oh, she-she did.
- Nadia, go.Copy !req
344. Go enjoy yourself,
we'll take care of her.Copy !req
345. - Ma, she didn't attack you.
- She-she did.Copy !req
346. Mama? Mama?Copy !req
347. Scream for me.Copy !req
348. My mother gave it to me.Copy !req
349. She said, um, "I can't
wait to see you wear thisCopy !req
350. for the rest of your life
every minute of every day."Copy !req
351. And then, honestly,
the next day,Copy !req
352. walked out the house
and bam— bear.Copy !req
353. Mama, scream for me
if you're here.Copy !req
354. That is worse than a bible—
that burns my eyes.Copy !req
355. Mama?Copy !req
356. Mama!Copy !req
357. Sure, the guys on the field
are having a good time today,Copy !req
358. but they're not gonna be having
such a good time in 20 years.Copy !req
359. That's when they'll haveCopy !req
360. applesauce sloshing
around in their skulls.Copy !req
361. Has anyone heard the ancient
screams of a very large woman?Copy !req
362. What a throw by...Copy !req
363. - (screams)
- The halftime show—Copy !req
364. a lot of people consider that
to be the highlight.Copy !req
365. I like the commercials.Copy !req
366. I like to see what they come
up with for the ClydesdalesCopy !req
367. - each year.
- All right, bros, who's readyCopy !req
368. for piping-hot nachos
fresh from the microwave?Copy !req
369. Uh, Sean, those are batteries.Copy !req
370. It is possible
to over-hypnotize,Copy !req
371. and I fearCopy !req
372. that's what we've done
with Sean.Copy !req
373. You see, there's various
levels of over-hypnosis.Copy !req
374. If it's not too serious, it's
what's called "Weak Brain."Copy !req
375. If it's slightly worrying, it's
called "Thoughtless Sallies."Copy !req
376. And if it's a fucking nightmare
and you can forget about him,Copy !req
377. it's "Brain Scramblies."Copy !req
378. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
379. Go, go, yeah,
no, oh, come on!Copy !req
380. How is that a yellow card?
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
381. Typically, when a vampire turns
a human's brain into puddingCopy !req
382. from over-hypnosis,Copy !req
383. the proper etiquette isCopy !req
384. to put them
out of their misery...Copy !req
385. by murdering them.Copy !req
386. We're not gonna kill him.Copy !req
387. It goes against
our non-killing agreement.Copy !req
388. Yes, but it is now
necessary to doCopy !req
389. the humane thing
and rip Sean's head off.Copy !req
390. - (knocking)
- Uh, not now.Copy !req
391. We are taking
a human shit together.Copy !req
392. - Uh...
- Have either of you two seenCopy !req
393. a jade necklace containing
the bloodcurdling screamsCopy !req
394. of my dead mother in here?Copy !req
395. Eh... oh, maybe check behindCopy !req
396. the Andy Garcia cross-stitch.Copy !req
397. No soap? Radio?Copy !req
398. Ha, bowling ball.Copy !req
399. Nandor wants to kill Sean 'cause
he's got the Brain Scramblies.Copy !req
400. Well, then Nandor is correct.Copy !req
401. Have you gone soft,
my sweet syrup pie?Copy !req
402. No, my sweet syrup pie,
I've gone hard.Copy !req
403. - (sighs)
- 'Cause he's my best friend,
he's my pal.Copy !req
404. He's my homeboy,
my rotten soldier.Copy !req
405. He's my sweet cheese,
my good-time boy.Copy !req
406. Laszlo, this is clearly
what must be done.Copy !req
407. Oh, Yahtzee!Copy !req
408. For Sean's own sake.Copy !req
409. I'll go get
my head-ripping gloves.Copy !req
410. No, no, no, hang on, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
411. We're not animals.Copy !req
412. Let's give him one
last night to remember.Copy !req
413. One magical night
on Earth before we...Copy !req
414. "whack" him.Copy !req
415. Well, okay, yes, that is fair.Copy !req
416. I can feel it, guys.Copy !req
417. I mean, I really think
we are, like,Copy !req
418. this close to finding
our first vampire.Copy !req
419. - Yes.
- Wait, so you guysCopy !req
420. have never actually...Copy !req
421. met or seen a real vampire.Copy !req
422. Well, come on,
it's not like they're justCopy !req
423. walking around
in broad daylight, you know?Copy !req
424. - Yeah.
- Throwing a football
in the park.Copy !req
425. - Seriously.
- Running errands.Copy !req
426. - Yeah.
- Going to the bank.Copy !req
427. - Eating a pretzel.
- Yeah.Copy !req
428. - Walking a dog...
- SHANICE: I have.Copy !req
429. My roommateCopy !req
430. was turnedCopy !req
431. by a vampire.Copy !req
432. And became a vampire.Copy !req
433. She died right
in front of my eyes.Copy !req
434. But then she came back to life.Copy !req
435. What the fuck?Copy !req
436. But she was different, sick...Copy !req
437. unnatural.Copy !req
438. And eventually she just...Copy !req
439. vanished.Copy !req
440. Her future was so bright.Copy !req
441. She was such a brilliant LARPer.Copy !req
442. I think Shanice and ICopy !req
443. might have a mutual friend.Copy !req
444. Small world.Copy !req
445. This is the life.Copy !req
446. Hanging out with
my three favorite gerbils.Copy !req
447. I only have one question—
are we inside or outside?Copy !req
448. - You need to focus, Sean.
- Huh?Copy !req
449. And enjoy the most magical
night of your life.Copy !req
450. Hold tight.Copy !req
451. What? Whoa...
How are you doing this?Copy !req
452. How are you doing this?Copy !req
453. What's going on now?Copy !req
454. Oh, God, no! Mother Mary!Copy !req
455. - Wait for us.
- Here we come.Copy !req
456. Hey!Copy !req
457. Oh, no, no! Fuck me!Copy !req
458. Now that you've experiencedCopy !req
459. the pleasure of flying,Copy !req
460. enjoy the marvel
of transfiguration.Copy !req
461. What?Copy !req
462. Bat!Copy !req
463. Whoa! Where'd that asshole go?Copy !req
464. Oh, God! Get off!
(shudders)Copy !req
465. Look at that,
he's having a lovely time.Copy !req
466. - He loves this.
- No, get out of my hair!Copy !req
467. Get out of my hair! Get...!Copy !req
468. - Sean, look at me.
- No!Copy !req
469. Stop that! What are you doing?Copy !req
470. It ain't natural!Copy !req
471. Are you enjoying
watching me, Sean?Copy !req
472. No! Stop it! Get down here!Copy !req
473. Ooh, get a good look at this!
Wow!Copy !req
474. - Holy shit!
- Sorry, Laszlo.Copy !req
475. But, you know,
it's his last night.Copy !req
476. I don't care.Copy !req
477. And now for the grand finale.Copy !req
478. We vampires have
dominion of animals.Copy !req
479. So we decided
to throw you a littleCopy !req
480. puppy party.Copy !req
481. What have you done?Copy !req
482. - Oh, God!
- (dogs barking)Copy !req
483. - Sean.
- (laughs)Copy !req
484. We did something
really good tonight.Copy !req
485. I'm proud of us.Copy !req
486. - Yes.
- My boys.Copy !req
487. I haven't really had
many real friends.Copy !req
488. So, when I met Jenna,
my whole life changed, really.Copy !req
489. But she was taken from me.Copy !req
490. I guess I never really
think aboutCopy !req
491. the victims or their families.Copy !req
492. Uh, I guess I switched
that part of my brain offCopy !req
493. with, um, feelings and emotions.Copy !req
494. Killing vampires,
killing humans,Copy !req
495. collecting victims—
it's all so nasty and ugly.Copy !req
496. And, you know, I devoted
my life to it, so...Copy !req
497. So that's why I'm here!Copy !req
498. Because vampires cause
nothing but pain!Copy !req
499. - Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.Copy !req
500. Come on, say "aye"
if you're with me.Copy !req
501. - Aye!
- I have to go.Copy !req
502. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
503. - I think I left
my toilet running.
- You sure?Copy !req
504. - Yeah.
- We're just about to start
crossbow practice.Copy !req
505. - What's that?
- Derek got us some mannequins
to use as targets.Copy !req
506. Yeah.Copy !req
507. - Get a load of this, huh?
- That's a weapon.Copy !req
508. - Yeah.
- And those are vampires?Copy !req
509. Yeah, I got the costumes
at a Halloween store.Copy !req
510. Okay, I don't think
I'd be really...Copy !req
511. Damn, pimp!Copy !req
512. - I have to go.
- Whoa!Copy !req
513. I'm sorry, is-is it just me,Copy !req
514. or is this guy an epic pimp?Copy !req
515. We'll see you
on Wednesday, right?Copy !req
516. No, yeah, a-and if you don't,Copy !req
517. it was really nice meeting you.Copy !req
518. And, Shanice, I'm very
sorry about your friend.Copy !req
519. And you guys should be
really carefulCopy !req
520. when dealing with vampires—
they're no joke.Copy !req
521. Hey, hope to see you
again soon, son.Copy !req
522. And not just 'cause you,Copy !req
523. you have wicked skills
with the C-bow.Copy !req
524. You're a mighty cool dude,
Guillermo.Copy !req
525. Thank you.Copy !req
526. Just slide it.Copy !req
527. - Yeah, push it to the left...
- Yeah, you gotCopy !req
528. - to throw your weight into it.
- There you go, you got it.Copy !req
529. All right, we'll close it—
don't worry about it.Copy !req
530. All right.Copy !req
531. Well, that was a lot of fun,
old chap.Copy !req
532. I bet you could die a happy man.Copy !req
533. He's worse than before.Copy !req
534. We've ruined him again.Copy !req
535. All the more reason to put him
out of his misery.Copy !req
536. Go ahead, Nandor.Copy !req
537. Yes.Copy !req
538. Here I go.Copy !req
539. Head rub time.Copy !req
540. Forgive us, old chap.Copy !req
541. Oh, my God.Copy !req
542. Who is that piece of ass?Copy !req
543. Mamaloosha!Copy !req
544. That is Charmaine.Copy !req
545. You know her?Copy !req
546. She's your wife.Copy !req
547. (laughing):
Yeah.Copy !req
548. - I wish.
- Seanie!Copy !req
549. I've been calling for you
for, like, 20 minutes.Copy !req
550. The garbage disposal's
all messed up again.Copy !req
551. You are the most
beautiful creatureCopy !req
552. I have ever seen.Copy !req
553. Stop messing around.Copy !req
554. I want to spend the restCopy !req
555. of my life making you happy.Copy !req
556. This is for you.Copy !req
557. It's a token of my undying love.Copy !req
558. You emptied out a junk drawer?Copy !req
559. - What the hell is
wrong with you?
- (chuckles)Copy !req
560. Wha... what is this?Copy !req
561. - What?
- This is beautiful.Copy !req
562. Seanie, did you get this for me?Copy !req
563. - That is my necklace.
- Oh, my God, Seanie.Copy !req
564. - This is a bloody...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
565. Leave them to it, my darling.Copy !req
566. I suppose it is quite sweet.Copy !req
567. I'll just get it when they die.Copy !req
568. So, we didn't needCopy !req
569. to kill Sean after all.Copy !req
570. Yes, his mind has been wiped
to a blank slate and nowCopy !req
571. he can start a new one just
focused on the amazingnessCopy !req
572. of his wife
and his marriage, andCopy !req
573. he doesn't remember
we're vampires at all.Copy !req
574. Come on, Colin Robinson.Copy !req
575. - We're off.
- Hold on a minute.Copy !req
576. I-I may have overdone it.Copy !req
577. This one just pissed himself.Copy !req
578. Who cares? Come on, let's go.Copy !req
579. So, all in all, I would sayCopy !req
580. our first Superb Owl celebrationCopy !req
581. was a marked success.Copy !req
582. Even though the owl
didn't show up.Copy !req
583. Can you tell me,
how is it you haven't agedCopy !req
584. after all these years?Copy !req
585. I have the gift of eternal life.Copy !req
586. Oh, wow.Copy !req
587. - Yeah, well.
- Oh, can youCopy !req
588. share this gift with me?Copy !req
589. I would love to be young again.Copy !req
590. Yeah, that's not really
how it works.Copy !req
591. If I turned you,
you would stay forever...Copy !req
592. like this.Copy !req
593. Oh.Copy !req
594. - Well, I'll pass, then.
- Yeah.Copy !req