1. I have recently
rediscovered my loveCopy !req
2. for topiary sculpture.Copy !req
3. The art of bush manipulation.Copy !req
4. We have Anubis,
the Egyptian god of death.Copy !req
5. Here is a chimera.Copy !req
6. This one, I'm the most proud of.Copy !req
7. This is the bunny,
simply because it ended upCopy !req
8. exactly the same
as I had in my head.Copy !req
9. - And up here...
- SEAN: Yo, Laz!Copy !req
10. All right, Sean.Copy !req
11. Bitch kicked me out again.
Can you believe it?Copy !req
12. She ought to
strangle you to deathCopy !req
13. with your own sphincter muscle.Copy !req
14. - What did you just say?
- I said somethingCopy !req
15. which you will
heartily agree with.Copy !req
16. Yeah, I hear that, bro.
That's-that's messed up.Copy !req
17. Have a good night.Copy !req
18. His wife will probably kill him.Copy !req
19. Which leads me on
to the fairer sex.Copy !req
20. What you're about to see
are the topiary representationsCopy !req
21. of the vulvas of some
of my favorite prostitutesCopy !req
22. and women I have loved.Copy !req
23. Polly Nichols
from Whitechapel, 1888.Copy !req
24. Oh, that's my good
lady wife Nadja.Copy !req
25. Don't think she'd like you to
see that, but who gives a fuck?Copy !req
26. Beautiful.Copy !req
27. That's Nancy Reagan at the end.
It's a bit untidy.Copy !req
28. And here we have
the pièce de résistance,Copy !req
29. my mother.Copy !req
30. What the...Copy !req
31. You're kidding.Copy !req
32. Ugh!Copy !req
33. That's werewolf piss.Copy !req
34. Werewolf piss.Copy !req
35. This box contains
all my werewolf traps.Copy !req
36. That's what we're looking for,
the Wulfsfalle.Copy !req
37. That'll do the business.Copy !req
38. Am I a morning person?Copy !req
39. That would be
an enthusiastic "yes."Copy !req
40. I really enjoy the mornings.Copy !req
41. Let's see what Nandor's up to.Copy !req
42. Nandor?Copy !req
43. I wake up hungry,
and I get to feed all day.Copy !req
44. Go away, please,
Colin Robinson.Copy !req
45. Nandor, it's time
to name that tune.Copy !req
46. Guillermo, get him out of here!Copy !req
47. - Will you get out of here?
- I made it up.Copy !req
48. - NANDOR:
Can't you see I am sleeping?
- Please get out.Copy !req
49. Get out.Copy !req
50. That's what I call
my "morning cup of coffee."Copy !req
51. Dan, how are you?Copy !req
52. Mornings are great for feeding.
People aren't really,Copy !req
53. you know, frustrated yet
by the entire day.Copy !req
54. If you don't want to have kids,Copy !req
55. then I would keep that phone
in your pocket.Copy !req
56. Arnie. You know,
I was thinking about the whole,Copy !req
57. uh, Q-tip debate
that we've been having,Copy !req
58. and, you know, science saysCopy !req
59. that you shouldn't
stick anythingCopy !req
60. smaller than your elbow
into your ear.Copy !req
61. Talk about damage
to the ear canal.Copy !req
62. - Am I not right?
- I just can't.Copy !req
63. Yeah, no, and, uh...Copy !req
64. There's someone new
in the office.Copy !req
65. If you get 'em before this place
grinds them down,Copy !req
66. you get so much fresh energy.Copy !req
67. Knock, knock.Copy !req
68. Let me be the ad hoc
welcoming committee.Copy !req
69. I am Colin Robinson.Copy !req
70. You're gonna be hearing
a lot more about me.Copy !req
71. - Oh, probably not.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
72. Nonsense. People talk.Copy !req
73. - Not to me, they don't.
- Look at that.Copy !req
74. - Personalized nameplate, huh?
- Yeah, I-I had it made becauseCopy !req
75. people don't usually
remember my name.Copy !req
76. Oh.Copy !req
77. Since we're on friendly terms,Copy !req
78. let me give you a little advice.Copy !req
79. The water fountain,
I have reason to believe,Copy !req
80. is not filtered.Copy !req
81. I wouldn't dare
go by the water fountain.Copy !req
82. What if everybody laughed?Copy !req
83. Wh-Why...
why would they do that?Copy !req
84. You have no idea how long
I've been waitingCopy !req
85. to hear a kind word.Copy !req
86. I've been all alone
since Mother died, so...Copy !req
87. Oh. I'm-I'm just
talking to you. I...Copy !req
88. - There, there.
- Thank you.Copy !req
89. - Talk later?
- Yeah.Copy !req
90. - Really?
- Yeah, I said we would.Copy !req
91. I'd love to chat later.Copy !req
92. Oh, what the hell was that?Copy !req
93. I didn't get anything from her.Copy !req
94. Nothing.Copy !req
95. I think there's
something weird about Evie.Copy !req
96. This is mine
and Laszlo's crypt.Copy !req
97. I decorated it myself.Copy !req
98. This one is a very special
creature to me.Copy !req
99. When I first met Laszlo,Copy !req
100. I was walking
on the moors with him,Copy !req
101. and this owl flew over
and scratched my head,Copy !req
102. and I said, "Kill that fucking
bitch, please, Laszlo."Copy !req
103. If me and Laszlo were
to have ever had a child,Copy !req
104. I like to imagine
it would look like him.Copy !req
105. Small and hard.Copy !req
106. I hate this goat.Copy !req
107. What is that?Copy !req
108. It's werewolf.Copy !req
109. Coming from outside.Copy !req
110. There's a bloody big werewolf
on the lawn.Copy !req
111. Quick.Copy !req
112. - Ugh, ugh.
- Ew.Copy !req
113. - Bloody big one.
- Quick, we need
to get it inside.Copy !req
114. - It stinks.Copy !req
115. - Why is its foot in a trap?Copy !req
116. - NADJA:
Laszlo, did you lay a trap?
- NANDOR: What?Copy !req
117. No, no, nothing to do with me.
Let's just get itCopy !req
118. - off the grass.
- NANDOR: It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
119. It's okay. The neighbors,Copy !req
120. - the neighbors.
- LASZLO: Shh.
He's losing conscious.Copy !req
121. - NANDOR: Go to sleep now.
- LASZLO: That's it, that's it.Copy !req
122. - Go to sleep, Mr. Werewolf.
- LASZLO: That's it.Copy !req
123. - NANDOR: Okay, this way. Go, go.Copy !req
124. - NADJA: The boy
should be helping.
- NANDOR: He is helping.Copy !req
125. - NANDOR: Where do we take it,
the basement?
- LASZLO: Fancy room.Copy !req
126. But we just spring-cleaned.Copy !req
127. - Master, is it safe
to be this close to it?
- Probably not, Guillermo.Copy !req
128. Well, when it wakes up,
won't it kill me?Copy !req
129. Yes, probably. But we have more
important things to talk about.Copy !req
130. We need to get rid of him.Copy !req
131. And when I say get rid of him,Copy !req
132. I mean... pfft!Copy !req
133. No! The werewolf lives.Copy !req
134. Otherwise we endanger
the sanctity of the Truce.Copy !req
135. - The Truce?
- Ah, the Truce.Copy !req
136. I hate the Truce.Copy !req
137. For tensCopy !req
138. upon tens of years,Copy !req
139. the vampire
and werewolf communitiesCopy !req
140. live in a wary peace
because of the Truce.Copy !req
141. Vampire does not harm werewolf,Copy !req
142. so long as werewolf doesn't
interfere with any vampire shit.Copy !req
143. His friends might
know he's here.Copy !req
144. Which means all of his friends
will come and visit him.Copy !req
145. Okay, let us put a muzzle
on him, take him to a park,Copy !req
146. tie him to a bench.Copy !req
147. He's waking up.
He's waking up!Copy !req
148. Oh, God.Copy !req
149. Why do you guys have
a werewolf trap?Copy !req
150. I mean, a normal trap
on your lawn?Copy !req
151. We know you're a big
bloody werewolf.Copy !req
152. I saw you screeching
and scratching around the gardenCopy !req
153. like a big, disgusting wet dog.Copy !req
154. - Yeah, so the game's up,
you bastard.Copy !req
155. Luckily for you guys,Copy !req
156. I have incredible
healing abilities.Copy !req
157. I'm already
recovering completely.Copy !req
158. Ow!Copy !req
159. - He's gonna shit.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
160. When my werewolf brethren
and sisterenCopy !req
161. find out about this,
they will not be happy.Copy !req
162. Ah, shit.Copy !req
163. - He's broken the bloody window.
- My other leg!Copy !req
164. This is bad.
This is very bad.Copy !req
165. - Yes, this is very bad.Copy !req
166. I'm coming back with the pack.Copy !req
167. And by then,
I'll be 100% healed.Copy !req
168. Don't worry about that.
Ow!Copy !req
169. - He could've killed me.
- Possibly, but you know,Copy !req
170. - these things happen.Copy !req
171. Hey, Kamal. Put on a little
weight this weekend, no?Copy !req
172. Hey, Jeannie. Ooh.Copy !req
173. Man, what's an antonym
for "jealous"?Copy !req
174. 'Cause that's how I feel
about your workloadCopy !req
175. right now.Copy !req
176. Arnie. You're gonna kill me,
but I think I am going toCopy !req
177. change my position on the whole
Q-tip conundrum that we had.Copy !req
178. - Arnie, are you even
listening to me?
- Huh, Colin?Copy !req
179. Sorry. I was...
talking to the new girl.Copy !req
180. She told me the saddest story
about her nephew.Copy !req
181. Born with his eyeballs
facing backwards.Copy !req
182. So can he see his brains?Copy !req
183. I think the new girl
is an emotional vampire.Copy !req
184. They're an advanced form
of energy vampire.Copy !req
185. But instead of frustrating
the people around themCopy !req
186. for energy, they feed off
of pity. Look at her.Copy !req
187. There's not gonna be
anything leftCopy !req
188. when she's done with Dave,
I'll tell you that much.Copy !req
189. This whole damn office is empty.Copy !req
190. Evie.Copy !req
191. E.V.Copy !req
192. Emotional vamp... Oh, hell.Copy !req
193. It's on, Evie Russell.
Oh, it's on.Copy !req
194. Biff! Hey.Copy !req
195. Hey, Biff.
Could I have a word with you?Copy !req
196. Biff, just a second, Biff.Copy !req
197. - Just gonna use
the bathroom first.
- Quick question about...Copy !req
198. Biff, I had a... Actually,Copy !req
199. - I had a quick question.
- Biff, we need
to discuss...Copy !req
200. Can this wait till we get
out of the bathroom?Copy !req
201. - EVIE: 'Cause it's kind of
feminine-related.
- Uh, Biff, you're gon...Copy !req
202. - I can't exact...Copy !req
203. - Biff, Biff, Biff.
- Biff, I can't exactly...Copy !req
204. - Hold on, hold on.
- BIFF: Oh, man!Copy !req
205. Biff, I-I think my dog
might be autistic,Copy !req
206. - and I need a shoulder
to cry on.
- Biff.Copy !req
207. - Please, Biff.
- BIFF:
What is happening, Colin?Copy !req
208. What do you think of
the new toilet paper in here?Copy !req
209. - I was wondering... Let go!
- BIFF: This is crazy.Copy !req
210. Oh, you don't use, uh,
toilet paper liner, huh?Copy !req
211. Biff, I just need
to talk to you, please.Copy !req
212. Not a seat protector dude, huh?Copy !req
213. I'm just so sad,
and I don't know what to do.Copy !req
214. I'm not feeling well.
I-I... I feel really weak.Copy !req
215. You know, the Greek
phrasing for "coma"Copy !req
216. - is "deep sleep."Copy !req
217. Poor Biff.Copy !req
218. One, two, three silver bullets.Copy !req
219. How are we gonna
kill a whole wolf packCopy !req
220. with just three silver bullets?Copy !req
221. It's worse than that—
we don't even have a gun.Copy !req
222. No gun?Copy !req
223. - The wolf pack.Copy !req
224. She is here.Copy !req
225. What the blazes?Copy !req
226. Look, two werewolves,Copy !req
227. as bold as brass.Copy !req
228. And I can even sense one
behind me.Copy !req
229. She's emptying her wolf snatch
all over the bushes!Copy !req
230. All right, you've made your
point. Let's call this a night.Copy !req
231. Oh, no.
We're just getting started.Copy !req
232. Way to go, Deb.
Good, strong stream.Copy !req
233. Yeah. We had the piss.Copy !req
234. - Now we need the blood.
- Someone's finally speaking
my language.Copy !req
235. - Get ready to start speaking itCopy !req
236. our your butt,
you Sense and Sensibility bitch.Copy !req
237. - ARJAN: Ange, Ange, Ange.
- What-what are we doing?Copy !req
238. You're ramping it up
pretty quick here.Copy !req
239. Let's build up.
Let's build up to something.Copy !req
240. What I don't understand is why
you texted us all, woke us upCopy !req
241. and told us to come here to
what, just piss on everything?Copy !req
242. - Are we gonna get on with this?
- ... lack of organization, man.Copy !req
243. I'm just gonna need
a second here.Copy !req
244. You're doing it again.
You're undermining me.Copy !req
245. No, you made us look
like turds, man.Copy !req
246. - Can you stop crying
on my lawn, please?Copy !req
247. - Let's talk about it later.
- Okay. Let's do it later.Copy !req
248. At last.Copy !req
249. Give me some space.Copy !req
250. You'll need more than space,
me old chap.Copy !req
251. Go on, Laszlo.Copy !req
252. - Oh, no.Copy !req
253. Not my bunny. Look.Copy !req
254. No, that's my rabbit.
That's my best one.Copy !req
255. - My sciatica.
- Don't worry, darling.Copy !req
256. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
257. Here comes the party poop.Copy !req
258. You can't be fighting
with werewolves on the lawn.Copy !req
259. You'll alert
the human neighbors.Copy !req
260. And there's a bus stop
outside the house.Copy !req
261. Well, don't appear as a mist
on the lawn, then, you prick.Copy !req
262. What the hell's going on
over there, Laz?Copy !req
263. Nothing, Sean.Copy !req
264. Everything's all right
on this lawn.Copy !req
265. Just how I like it.
And I'm going inside.Copy !req
266. It's just the neighbor.
Carry on.Copy !req
267. If we are to battle,
we must follow the protocols.Copy !req
268. Of course we're gonna
follow the protocols.Copy !req
269. - To the protocols.
- Sure.Copy !req
270. And now there's lots of dogs
going in my house.Copy !req
271. Shit, have you got a key?Copy !req
272. It's very tense.Copy !req
273. Vampires, werewolves,Copy !req
274. give me a moment to find
the relevant passage.Copy !req
275. So, are all you werewolves
Indians?Copy !req
276. - Oh, here we go again.
- Fucking Twilight.Copy !req
277. No, we're not all Indians.Copy !req
278. In fact... well, I'm an Indian.Copy !req
279. But that's because my father's
from India. I think you'reCopy !req
280. not even talking about
that kind of Indian, though.Copy !req
281. I think you're talking about
a Native American,Copy !req
282. - like Marcus.
- Yeah, but I'm not a werewolfCopy !req
283. - because I'm Native American.
- ARJAN: That's right.Copy !req
284. All right?
It's not an ethnic thing.Copy !req
285. - That's one guy.
- MARCUS: We're all different.Copy !req
286. - I'm African-American.
- That's right.Copy !req
287. - ALL: Oh.
- ANGE: Yeah.Copy !req
288. I'm Caribbean-Canadian.
Saskatoon, motherfucker.Copy !req
289. - That's right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
290. - I'm Caucasian.
- That's-that's right.Copy !req
291. - That's Chad.
- NANDOR: If anyone
is interested,Copy !req
292. - I have found the...
- LASZLO: Yes, get on with this.Copy !req
293. relevant passage for...Copy !req
294. This was written in 1993.Copy !req
295. - Wow.
- And it states,Copy !req
296. "Should a werewolf packCopy !req
297. have a beef
with a vampire house..."Copy !req
298. That's us.Copy !req
299. "... the two groups
shall not battle,Copy !req
300. "but elect from amongst themCopy !req
301. "their strongest fighter.Copy !req
302. "The two fighters will face offCopy !req
303. - "in one-on-one combat...
- No.Copy !req
304. on neutral ground."Copy !req
305. Okay. Staten Island
Werewolf Support Group.Copy !req
306. Uh, vampires in this room.Copy !req
307. Not you, Guillermo.Copy !req
308. It's on, Evie Russell.Copy !req
309. Oh, it's on.Copy !req
310. - Evie Russell.
- Colin Robinson.Copy !req
311. - Working late?
- I have to. I'm behind.Copy !req
312. I like your skirt.Copy !req
313. You should be careful,
because mauve attracts bees.Copy !req
314. I was wearing this skirt when my
sister got her cancer diagnosis.Copy !req
315. Cancer isn't usually
what kills you.Copy !req
316. It's the treatment.Copy !req
317. She was killed
by a drunk driver.Copy !req
318. He was my fiancé.Copy !req
319. Violence often begins at home.
Studies indicate...Copy !req
320. - I've never had a home!Copy !req
321. Remind me to e-mail you
a link to a Slate articleCopy !req
322. on the millennial
housing crisis.Copy !req
323. I don't use e-mailCopy !req
324. ever since my computer
was hackedCopy !req
325. and my identity was stolen.Copy !req
326. Hackers, featuring Johnny Lee
Miller and Fisher Stevens,Copy !req
327. is one of the few movies
from 1995Copy !req
328. that still holds up!Copy !req
329. I was held up at gunpointCopy !req
330. while waiting in line
to see that movie.Copy !req
331. But they didn't take any money.Copy !req
332. They just did it for fun!Copy !req
333. Human form.Copy !req
334. Come on!Copy !req
335. We're five minutes early.Copy !req
336. You know...Copy !req
337. we don't have to be enemies.Copy !req
338. Have you ever considered
hunting with a partner?Copy !req
339. The thought has only recently
crossed my mind.Copy !req
340. Rhonda.Copy !req
341. I was wondering
if you could settle a bet.Copy !req
342. Tonight is a good night to die.Copy !req
343. Oh, I don't want you to die,
Master.Copy !req
344. Not me to die,Copy !req
345. - the other guy to die.
- Oh.Copy !req
346. Maybe don't say it like that.Copy !req
347. Okay.Copy !req
348. Tonight is a good night
for the other guy,Copy !req
349. - not me, to die.Copy !req
350. They're here.Copy !req
351. Sorry we're late.
Sorry we're late.Copy !req
352. Bridge was a nightmare.Copy !req
353. Hello, mongrels.Copy !req
354. - You haunted house bitch!Copy !req
355. We meet on the roof of this
abandoned Circuit CityCopy !req
356. in accordance with the protocolsCopy !req
357. of the Staten Island
Lycanthrope-Vampire AgreementCopy !req
358. of 1993.Copy !req
359. And so it begins.
Have you chosen your champion?Copy !req
360. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
361. - We chose Toby.Copy !req
362. - Oh, that is a very big one.
- I don't remember this one.Copy !req
363. - Is he a new one?
- ANGE: Oh, he's a new
gigantic werewolf.Copy !req
364. This isn't even full-size.Copy !req
365. - This is just,
like, regular Toby.
- NANDOR: Ah...Copy !req
366. He-he gets like this big.Copy !req
367. Yeah, well, we've got
our own champion.Copy !req
368. He goes by the name of
Nandor the Relentless.Copy !req
369. - Hi.
- And he's going to mess you up,Copy !req
370. Toby.Copy !req
371. - Don't antagonize him, Nadja.Copy !req
372. You desecrated my vulva garden.Copy !req
373. Namely, my mother's vulva.Copy !req
374. You turned it brown
and wizened.Copy !req
375. - NADJA: You made it look like
his sister's vulva.
- LASZLO: Exactly.Copy !req
376. What type of man
would endure such an insultCopy !req
377. from a pack
of filthy werewolf scum?Copy !req
378. This is what I'm talking about.Copy !req
379. - Let's throw down already.
- I'll throw you down.Copy !req
380. Sure thing, Downton Abbey,
I'll knock you out.Copy !req
381. - ARJAN: Okay, let's just
take things down a notchCopy !req
382. and then fight to the death.Copy !req
383. Ah, I don't know.Copy !req
384. Is this turkey cut
freshly from the breast?Copy !req
385. Or is it a preprocessed roll?Copy !req
386. All of our meats
are actually freshly sliced.Copy !req
387. Hmm.Copy !req
388. I prefer the roll.Copy !req
389. Please don't start.Copy !req
390. I don't want to get into another
argument in public right now.Copy !req
391. We got married
out of convenience.Copy !req
392. I have Munchausen's by proxy.Copy !req
393. I tell people he's sick
so I feel better.Copy !req
394. But then I do get sick.Copy !req
395. And when I do get sick,Copy !req
396. people don't believe
that I'm sick.Copy !req
397. Because they know she doesCopy !req
398. Munchausen by proxy
all the time.Copy !req
399. Do you guys want
to eat your food?Copy !req
400. We're feeding right now.Copy !req
401. Vampires... and werewolves.Copy !req
402. This is a fight that has been
fought with honorCopy !req
403. for a thousand—
I say a thousand— years.Copy !req
404. - And tonight...Copy !req
405. I'm not gonna do this if your
man's pissing against the wall.Copy !req
406. - Fuck off, you racist.
- ANGE: Okay, no.Copy !req
407. No more bullshit.
We fight.Copy !req
408. - I agree with the werewolf slut.
- Thank you.Copy !req
409. - ARJAN: Do it, Toby. Do it.
- ANGE: It's all you, man.Copy !req
410. - LASZLO: I'd say surrender,Copy !req
411. but it's my mother's vulva
we're talking about.Copy !req
412. - NANDOR: He's quite big.
- Come on, Toby, yeah!Copy !req
413. Come on, Nandor, you can do it.Copy !req
414. We need a new rug for the house.Copy !req
415. - LASZLO: Yeah.
- NADJA: I thought youCopy !req
416. messy beasts didn't do this
until there was a full moon.Copy !req
417. This guy,
he just pictures the moon.Copy !req
418. He's got a great imagination.Copy !req
419. - Yeah, Toby!Copy !req
420. - ARJAN: All right,
don't worry, I got that.
- It's not a naked fight, is it?Copy !req
421. Don't think so, no.Copy !req
422. Uh...Copy !req
423. You know, we could just...Copy !req
424. What about Gizmo?Copy !req
425. - LASZLO: Shh!
- ARJAN: Who?Copy !req
426. Champions, choose your weapons.Copy !req
427. No silver.Copy !req
428. I will let my esteemed
challenger choose first.Copy !req
429. - He chooses teeth and claws.Copy !req
430. Oh, he's gonna claw that dildo
right off your head, man.Copy !req
431. - Uh, hey.
- Yeah.Copy !req
432. Okay. I will choose—Copy !req
433. nunchucks, scimitar—Copy !req
434. - this!
- ARJAN: What is it?Copy !req
435. - NADJA: Oh, no.
- LASZLO: Oh, no.Copy !req
436. - NADJA: Nandor.Copy !req
437. - Hey!
- What? No! Toby, no!Copy !req
438. No, Toby!Copy !req
439. - ARJAN: Oh, oh, God. Toby.
- CHAD: What the hell?
That's cheating!Copy !req
440. - LASZLO: Well played.Copy !req
441. - MARCUS: Oh... oh, no.
- ANGE: Toby, man.Copy !req
442. - MARCUS: Oh, God.
- ARJAN: Don't worry, Toby,Copy !req
443. - you're gonna heal up
just fine, pal.
- Did I win?Copy !req
444. - I think I won.
- ARJAN: Whatever.
I guess this one goesCopy !req
445. - to the vampires, then.
- Okay.Copy !req
446. Can you leave us
to lick our wounds?Copy !req
447. - LASZLO: Okay.
- Tob... Toby,
don't lick your wounds.Copy !req
448. - LASZLO: Bat.
- See you back at home.Copy !req
449. - No, please don't...Copy !req
450. It looks... honestly,
it looks better than it didCopy !req
451. - five minutes ago already.
- DOUGIE: Come on, Toby.Copy !req
452. You'll get through this,
and then we'll take that tripCopy !req
453. - to Saskatoon
we've been talking about.
- ARJAN: Hey!Copy !req
454. - Hey.
- Oh, hey, man.Copy !req
455. You think
we could keep the bone?Copy !req
456. - Yeah. Yeah. That-that's okay.
- Yeah?Copy !req
457. Okay, cool. Cool, guys.
All right, guys, spread out.Copy !req
458. Let's find that son of a bitch.Copy !req
459. Mind where you're walking.Copy !req
460. If you hear a squeak,
you may have stepped on the toy.Copy !req
461. I'll stay with Toby.
He's gonna be fine.Copy !req
462. - He's healing already.Copy !req
463. Dating Evie is never dull.Copy !req
464. She certainly knowsCopy !req
465. how to get people's attention.Copy !req
466. - Evie.Copy !req
467. Whether it be fainting
or car troubles.Copy !req
468. A lot of things happenCopy !req
469. to her and her cat.Copy !req
470. As many of you know,Copy !req
471. I've been paying out of pocketCopy !req
472. for my cat's glaucoma treatment,Copy !req
473. and the expenses have
entirely wiped my savings.Copy !req
474. Since I've met her, she's hadCopy !req
475. at least six pairs
of grandparents die.Copy !req
476. looks like I'm gonna be
sleeping in my cubicleCopy !req
477. - until further notice.
- No...Copy !req
478. I asked my boyfriend, Colin,
if I could stay with him.Copy !req
479. What did he say?Copy !req
480. He said he's not
ready f-for that.Copy !req
481. Oh, my God.Copy !req
482. I haven't used that credit card
in six months.Copy !req
483. I'll call you back.Copy !req
484. Oh.Copy !req
485. - Hi, Evie.
- Hi.Copy !req
486. Um, listen,Copy !req
487. these last few weeks
have been wonderful.Copy !req
488. I, uh... I didn't knowCopy !req
489. I could feel such depth
of emotion.Copy !req
490. Or utter, utter suffering.Copy !req
491. But I don't think
this is healthy.Copy !req
492. - Oh, Colin.
- I-I'm sorry.Copy !req
493. I wish you nothing
but continued successCopy !req
494. feeding on
the addle-brained cattleCopy !req
495. that waste
their lives around us,Copy !req
496. but I can't be around us
any-anymore.Copy !req
497. If you leave me, I'll...Copy !req
498. I'll kill myself.Copy !req
499. I'll do it. I don't have
anything to live forCopy !req
500. if I don't have you.Copy !req
501. That's not true.
You do, Evie.Copy !req
502. You have so much more lifeCopy !req
503. to take out of these morons.Copy !req
504. Come here,
we'll figure this out.Copy !req
505. Y-You couldn't help yourself,
could you?Copy !req
506. I just wanted one last taste.Copy !req
507. Goodbye, Evie Russell.Copy !req
508. Goodbye, Colin Robinson.Copy !req
509. Colin, don't leave me.Copy !req
510. I'm just kidding, you can...Copy !req
511. Colin.Copy !req
512. You can go.Copy !req
513. Please.Copy !req
514. But...Copy !req
515. Hi. I'm sorry, my boyfriend
just broke up with me.Copy !req
516. Yes, I'm calling
about my dry cleaning.Copy !req
517. There we are, Mother.Copy !req
518. You're looking beautiful again.Copy !req
519. Or, as Beethoven used to say,Copy !req
520. "Die Busche werden
sich nicht schneiden."Copy !req
521. These bushes
won't trim themselves.Copy !req
522. But there, again—Copy !req
523. he was always
saying shit like that.Copy !req