1. Are we almost there?Copy !req
2. All this walking and walking
and walking, Guillermo,Copy !req
3. do you never tire of it?Copy !req
4. Screw this. I'm flying.Copy !req
5. Who's with me? Bat!Copy !req
6. He doesn't have the address,
so, you know...Copy !req
7. I don't have the address.Copy !req
8. Vampires love virgins.Copy !req
9. It's their favorite food.Copy !req
10. And, um, I've managed
to find a groupCopy !req
11. with an extremely high ratio
of virgins.Copy !req
12. So, LARPing,
as you probably know,Copy !req
13. stands for
Live Action Role-Playing.Copy !req
14. You will give me the scroll,Copy !req
15. or you will taste the wrath
of my pike.Copy !req
16. Some people think thatCopy !req
17. we kind of mix up reality.Copy !req
18. Don't worry, we're well aware.Copy !req
19. Um, we know it isn't real.Copy !req
20. No, it's real.Copy !req
21. Yeah.Copy !req
22. Roll for intimidation.Copy !req
23. Negative for intimidation.Copy !req
24. Roll again.Copy !req
25. Well, obviously they are
all virgins, so good work there.Copy !req
26. Thank you, Master.Copy !req
27. Shh! Guillermo!
You'll spook the virgins!Copy !req
28. Your accent!Copy !req
29. - I will join.
- One.Copy !req
30. - I will join.
- Two.Copy !req
31. Yes!Copy !req
32. Jenelf has volunteered, sire.Copy !req
33. No. Jenelf has
but 23 hit points.Copy !req
34. - You still have enough points.
- All who agree JenelfCopy !req
35. does not have enough points
to come on the quest, say "aye."Copy !req
36. Aye.Copy !req
37. Aye.Copy !req
38. Why do they ignore
the little female one?Copy !req
39. Perhaps it is part
of their game.Copy !req
40. They pretend she's invisible?Copy !req
41. You call this
a sojourner's tavern?Copy !req
42. Your mead tastes
like griffin piss.Copy !req
43. I don't want these virgins.Copy !req
44. They are going to taste too sad.Copy !req
45. - Oh, come on.
- Let's just eat the mean one.Copy !req
46. No, I know what
you're bloody like.Copy !req
47. If you eat the mean one, you're
gonna be mean all evening.Copy !req
48. No, thank you.
This is a bowl of rotten fruit!Copy !req
49. All right, I think you need
to calm down, my beauty.Copy !req
50. - Coming?
- In a moment.Copy !req
51. - JONATHAN: Sorry, Jen.
- SHANICE: Sorry.Copy !req
52. Be strong, sweet little one.Copy !req
53. Someday they will all be dead,Copy !req
54. and you will do a shit
on all of their graves.Copy !req
55. Recently,
we've had a very powerfulCopy !req
56. and ancient vampire move
into the house, and it'sCopy !req
57. made things a little...Copy !req
58. challenging.Copy !req
59. The Baron has charged us
with the taskCopy !req
60. of taking power
over the New World.Copy !req
61. He expected us to have conquered
the New World,Copy !req
62. but I don't remember him
ever mentioning it.Copy !req
63. I just remembered,Copy !req
64. the last time me and the Baron
were making love,Copy !req
65. he said something to me.Copy !req
66. "If you ever get
to the New World, my dear,Copy !req
67. "take over the land and
subjugate the entire population,Copy !req
68. otherwise I'll have your head."Copy !req
69. But I couldn't pay attention,Copy !req
70. because he was doing that thing
where he pays a lot of attentionCopy !req
71. - to your area.
- His thing is,Copy !req
72. he's got this irritating habit
of giving you ordersCopy !req
73. just at the moment of climax.Copy !req
74. So you're both there
in the moment, and then...Copy !req
75. he barks an order,
and you're, "Huh? What?"Copy !req
76. "Uh... what?"Copy !req
77. Nothing.Copy !req
78. "I beg your pardon?"Copy !req
79. ;
"What are you saying?"Copy !req
80. And he never repeats
what he said.Copy !req
81. Expects you to have listened,
during the climax.Copy !req
82. So I guess we conquering
the New World now.Copy !req
83. Extend arm... and dust.Copy !req
84. Careful of the spider house.Copy !req
85. You wouldn't like it
if a spider came and dustedCopy !req
86. - your house,
would you, Guillermo?
- Guess not.Copy !req
87. The worst part about havingCopy !req
88. the Baron stay with us
is the Baron's familiar.Copy !req
89. She's so... creepy.Copy !req
90. Oh!Copy !req
91. She's got everyone on edge,
popping up behind doors,Copy !req
92. behind bushes.Copy !req
93. She can hear everything we say.Copy !req
94. Everything.Copy !req
95. She's worse than Guillermo.Copy !req
96. Always there.Copy !req
97. - Why the hell are we meeting
in the fancy...
- Shh!Copy !req
98. Why are we meeting in the fancy
room and not in the library?Copy !req
99. Because this is
a secret meeting.Copy !req
100. All secret meetings take place
in the fancy room.Copy !req
101. Do you want to pull the curtains
a little bit louder?Copy !req
102. It got stuck.Copy !req
103. - Sorry?
- It got stuck.Copy !req
104. Now, the Baron's specific planCopy !req
105. was that we are to conquerCopy !req
106. - North America.
- He actually said,Copy !req
107. - "the New World."
- No, he specified
Staten Island.Copy !req
108. No, the entirety
of North America.Copy !req
109. Then that would include Canada.Copy !req
110. What the fuck
would anyone want with Canada?Copy !req
111. Apparently, there is
a very active tradeCopy !req
112. - in beaver pelts.
- Oh.Copy !req
113. That was hundreds
of years ago, Master.Copy !req
114. Guillermo, don't talk.Copy !req
115. Where was I? Yes.Copy !req
116. We need a plan
for total domination.Copy !req
117. We could poison the humans'
milks with witch's piss.Copy !req
118. - Uh, how would that work?
- We could assassinate the king.Copy !req
119. - We don't have a king
in America.
- Even easier.Copy !req
120. This is too much to ask.Copy !req
121. What a big bloody cheeky jerk,
coming here,Copy !req
122. telling us to take over
the whole of Staten IslandCopy !req
123. just by ourselves,
while I bet he's havingCopy !req
124. a lovely bloody nap up there!
I hope he's resting well!Copy !req
125. You want me
to come sing you a lullaby?Copy !req
126. - Nadja, no.
- Silly boy.
- NANDOR: Nadja, don't...Copy !req
127. - don't raise your voice.
- LASZLO: That's very risky.Copy !req
128. - Woof!
- NANDOR: Shh! We are not aloneCopy !req
129. in this house.Copy !req
130. Guillermo, check the curtain.Copy !req
131. Make sure she
is not eavesdropping on us.Copy !req
132. - Hello.Copy !req
133. I was just eavesdropping
behind the curtain there.Copy !req
134. Secret meeting, huh?Copy !req
135. - NANDOR: No.
- LASZLO: Uh-uh.Copy !req
136. What were you guys
talking about? Can I join?Copy !req
137. No. So sorry.Copy !req
138. We're planning your, um...Copy !req
139. - surprise party.
- NANDOR: Yeah.Copy !req
140. Oh. A surprise party, huh?Copy !req
141. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
142. Well, it's not much
of a surprise now, is it?Copy !req
143. You know,
if-if the fun part of the partyCopy !req
144. is that it's a surprise,Copy !req
145. and you eliminate...Copy !req
146. all element of surprise,Copy !req
147. then it just becomes
a party, right?Copy !req
148. - Eh...
- COLIN: So, tell meCopy !req
149. what's really going on,
because, frankly—Copy !req
150. let's be honest—
you've never even thoughtCopy !req
151. of throwing a party for me,Copy !req
152. - have you?
- NADJA: The Baron wants usCopy !req
153. to take over the land,Copy !req
154. - at least Staten Island.
- Well, it sounds like you wantCopy !req
155. to talk to the local leaders.Copy !req
156. - Yeah.
- Yes.Copy !req
157. Okay, well,
I-I can help with that.Copy !req
158. - NANDOR: You can?
- I know exactly who you needCopy !req
159. - to talk to and where to go.
- NANDOR: Show us the way,Copy !req
160. Colin Robinson.Copy !req
161. Let our journey
to total dominationCopy !req
162. begin this very evening!Copy !req
163. Perhaps you could just give us
the destination,Copy !req
164. and we could fly ahead and meet
you there, Colin Robinson.Copy !req
165. It's kind of hard to find.Copy !req
166. You know, I actually don't mindCopy !req
167. taking the bus.Copy !req
168. Everyone kind of focuses onCopy !req
169. the "day" part of "daywalker,"Copy !req
170. but actually, no one focuses
on the "walker" part.Copy !req
171. You know,
there's a lot of walking...Copy !req
172. Bat.Copy !req
173. They're never gonna be able
to find the place.Copy !req
174. Of course,
you can always have busesCopy !req
175. that are one-tier, two-tier,Copy !req
176. but you never see
three-tier buses.Copy !req
177. They would be hit
when they go under bridges.Copy !req
178. I appreciate, uh,
your perspective, Mr. Chapman,Copy !req
179. but the zoning ordinance...Copy !req
180. These are the ones who
rule over the local peasants?Copy !req
181. - Yes. Isn't this wonderful?
- No.Copy !req
182. Is it a wrestling pit?Copy !req
183. No. No. Just-just watch.Copy !req
184. - But when does
the wrestling start?
- Never.Copy !req
185. You're recognized, Mr. Peterson.Copy !req
186. Uh, according to the statute,
if Mr. Chapman's residenceCopy !req
187. was originally zonedCopy !req
188. as a mixed-use or
multiple-dwelling structure...Copy !req
189. I come here every week.Copy !req
190. It's a smorgasbord of...
banality and despair.Copy !req
191. Mr. Robinson? You're next up.Copy !req
192. - Is Mr. Robinson here?
- I'm just gonna do
a quick mega-feed,Copy !req
193. and then I'll be right back.Copy !req
194. Mr. Robinson, are you here?Copy !req
195. I'm holding up a finger
indicating to hold on a second.Copy !req
196. Uh, I'll be right back.Copy !req
197. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
198. Council. Uh, Madam President.Copy !req
199. When it comes
to zoning ordinances,Copy !req
200. I have a few thoughts.Copy !req
201. "Ordinance."
What does it mean?Copy !req
202. Webster's Unabridged DictionaryCopy !req
203. defines "ordinance"
as an "authoritative..."Copy !req
204. We will here demand our power.Copy !req
205. We have come up with a list
of all the thingsCopy !req
206. we would like to change
once the vampires are in charge.Copy !req
207. I'd like to see the construction
of a huge opaque domeCopy !req
208. the size of the city,Copy !req
209. covering the city,
and blocking out all sunlight.Copy !req
210. No noise during daylight hours.Copy !req
211. All local churches
to destroy their crucifixes.Copy !req
212. A total ban on turtlenecks.Copy !req
213. A vampire-only
television channel.Copy !req
214. I would like for me, personally,Copy !req
215. my favorite comedy,
Priests Falling Over.Copy !req
216. Free but compulsory
harpsichord concertsCopy !req
217. every day of the week.Copy !req
218. We would have nun-free zones
with a sign that says:Copy !req
219. "No Nuns. No Nuns. None."Copy !req
220. So, in closing,
hopefully next week,Copy !req
221. I can, uh, provide
a little bit more clarity,Copy !req
222. uh, as to the directionCopy !req
223. I feel like, uh,
our zoning laws should go.Copy !req
224. Thank you so much.Copy !req
225. Thank you, Mr. Robinson.Copy !req
226. Is Mr., uh,Copy !req
227. Nandor?Copy !req
228. Mr. Nandor?Copy !req
229. Yes.Copy !req
230. I got this.Copy !req
231. - Greetings, mortals.Copy !req
232. I will make this quick.Copy !req
233. I, Nandor the Relentless,Copy !req
234. conqueror of thousands,Copy !req
235. immortal warriorCopy !req
236. who has twice
turned the Euphrates itselfCopy !req
237. red with blood,Copy !req
238. hereby demand complete
and total supplicationCopy !req
239. of this governing body
to my command!Copy !req
240. Submit and receive mercy.Copy !req
241. Resist...Copy !req
242. and only death awaits.Copy !req
243. Thank you for your input,
uh, Mr. Nandor...Copy !req
244. He's blown it.Copy !req
245. Hasn't even mentioned
the turtlenecks.Copy !req
246. to zoning ordinances,Copy !req
247. but if you would like
to return...Copy !req
248. - Yes.
- when we have a...Copy !req
249. Yes, I would very much like
to-to return then.Copy !req
250. - When we have an open session,
- Great.Copy !req
251. you are entirely welcome
to join.Copy !req
252. Fantastic. Great.
When would that be?Copy !req
253. In about two months.Copy !req
254. But if you access our website—Copy !req
255. uh, do you have a computer?Copy !req
256. That will be the perfect timeCopy !req
257. - for you to speak.
- Great. Fantastic.Copy !req
258. I live on Tanglewood,Copy !req
259. and the bar on the ground floor
below my apartment...Copy !req
260. How best to describe Nandor?
I would say thatCopy !req
261. he's blessedly unburdened
with the complicationsCopy !req
262. of a university education.Copy !req
263. But give him an ax,
and he's second to none.Copy !req
264. Though you wouldn't want him
as your barrister.Copy !req
265. Ha!Copy !req
266. Don't let him fucking see this.Copy !req
267. So, their leader
is the Lazarro shrew?Copy !req
268. Correct.Copy !req
269. Where lies
Barbara Lazarro's weakest point?Copy !req
270. Oh, her Achilles' heel?Copy !req
271. So it's her foot?
Well, that's simple.Copy !req
272. - I know exactly what to do.
- I meant in Greek mythology,Copy !req
273. there's a human
who's held by his...Copy !req
274. Stop talking.
Who would you sayCopy !req
275. is the most powerful member
of that group?Copy !req
276. Well, Ms. Lazarro.
But Doug PetersonCopy !req
277. is looking to unseat her
in the upcoming election.Copy !req
278. Some people think
he has a chance.Copy !req
279. - The streak of piss with a case?
- COLIN: Yeah.Copy !req
280. Shall we kill him as a warning?Copy !req
281. No. Let's use him as a pawn,Copy !req
282. but then I will visit
Barbara LazarroCopy !req
283. - under cover of night.
- NANDOR: Yeah!Copy !req
284. Where's Nadja?Copy !req
285. Hello, cheeky little one.Copy !req
286. Out having some fun, are we?Copy !req
287. - Uh, not really.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
288. I remember how it feelsCopy !req
289. to be powerless
and disrespected.Copy !req
290. Back home in my village,
I had many strikes against me.Copy !req
291. I was a woman, and I had Gypsy
blood, and we were so poorCopy !req
292. that we used to use
donkey dung for fuel,Copy !req
293. and when the donkey dung
ran out,Copy !req
294. we would have to burn
the donkey.Copy !req
295. So yes, I do know
what it feels likeCopy !req
296. to be mocked and teasedCopy !req
297. and to cry myself to sleep
at nightCopy !req
298. by the light
of a burning donkey.Copy !req
299. Are those little dogshits
not giving youCopy !req
300. the deep respect you deserve?Copy !req
301. Yeah.Copy !req
302. Come. Let's walk and talk about
what the future could be likeCopy !req
303. for the new Jenna.Copy !req
304. Now, my plan is to win
the trust of Barbara Lazarro.Copy !req
305. Am I devious?Copy !req
306. Yes, I think I am.Copy !req
307. But as the old saying goes,Copy !req
308. I didn't come here
to make friends.Copy !req
309. That's bullshit.Copy !req
310. That's exactly
what I came here to do.Copy !req
311. - Uh, yes?
- Good evening, Madam Lazarro.Copy !req
312. My name is Laszlo Cravensworth.Copy !req
313. And who do we have here?Copy !req
314. Oh, I'm watching my little
granddaughter for the night.Copy !req
315. What a lovely little nibble
she would be.Copy !req
316. I'm sorry, do I know you?Copy !req
317. Well, you do now.Copy !req
318. And may I say
you are a creditCopy !req
319. to the women's
suffragette movement.Copy !req
320. And you're also
very easy on the eye.Copy !req
321. And I'm glad to see
your foot injuryCopy !req
322. - isn't slowing you down.
- My what?Copy !req
323. Your foot.Copy !req
324. Now, I come to you
with a warning.Copy !req
325. Those who you trust
cannot be trusted.Copy !req
326. - But I am here
to help you with that.
- Now, if-if this isCopy !req
327. borough council-related,
I have regular office hours.Copy !req
328. If there is a stone,
so to speak, in your shoeCopy !req
329. that needs eliminating...Copy !req
330. I-I mean, the... the raccoon
population is out of control.Copy !req
331. Saw three of them in my
garbage can this morning. Three.Copy !req
332. - It's a nightmare.
- Really? I do like
a direct woman.Copy !req
333. You know, I...Copy !req
334. I really do have
to get Emily here, um,Copy !req
335. bathed and washed.Copy !req
336. Uh, why don't you, uh,
call my office in the morning,Copy !req
337. and I'll... I'll try to see
if I can find someoneCopy !req
338. who can help you with whatever
it is you need help with.Copy !req
339. It's not I who needs help,
it's you.Copy !req
340. So it's me who's ending
this conversation.Copy !req
341. Not you.Copy !req
342. And...Copy !req
343. you won't remember
a thing about it.Copy !req
344. And, you, my darling,
won't remember a thingCopy !req
345. about a damn thing.Copy !req
346. Trying to ally
with Barbara LazarroCopy !req
347. is a shit plan.Copy !req
348. The power move hereCopy !req
349. is to make Doug Peterson
my personal agent of chaos.Copy !req
350. Peterson destroys Lazarro,Copy !req
351. Nandor destroys PetersonCopy !req
352. and the council... is mine.Copy !req
353. That's a nice little bitch
you've got there.Copy !req
354. Pardon me?Copy !req
355. A nice little bitch
being led on a leashCopy !req
356. by a frightened little man.Copy !req
357. It reminds me of how you
are led about on a leashCopy !req
358. by the human bitch
Barbara Lazarro.Copy !req
359. Look, I don't want
any trouble, okay?Copy !req
360. So just take my wallet.Copy !req
361. I'm not here to rob you,
little man.Copy !req
362. All right,
let's do it the fast way.Copy !req
363. Tonight before you drift
into a slumber,Copy !req
364. you will hear a voice
that will command your actions.Copy !req
365. Okay.Copy !req
366. Oh.Copy !req
367. Okay. Great.Copy !req
368. Is this like
a Tony Robbins, like,Copy !req
369. Unleash the Power Within thing?Copy !req
370. Unleash the power.
Yes, exactly. Yes.Copy !req
371. You're saying that would help me
sed-seduce men?Copy !req
372. And destroy them.Copy !req
373. - And women, too.
- Oh.Copy !req
374. Yeah, I-I should be honest.Copy !req
375. I have... I have a boyfriend,Copy !req
376. and we do s-stuff.Copy !req
377. I mean, we do stuff on cameraCopy !req
378. because that's...
that's the stuff he likes,Copy !req
379. and that's the stuff
that he tells me I like.Copy !req
380. You know what? Just college is,
like, a really complicated time.Copy !req
381. This is college, right?Copy !req
382. Here I am, and this-this
beautiful older womanCopy !req
383. wants to take me
on a sexual journey.Copy !req
384. And, like, I...Copy !req
385. Are you a junior?
Are you a senior?Copy !req
386. I'm senior.Copy !req
387. - Oh. Okay.Copy !req
388. And you are just a fresh babyCopy !req
389. shot out of her mother's womb,Copy !req
390. glistening with light.Copy !req
391. Thank you.Copy !req
392. You're sure you want to do this?Copy !req
393. Um...Copy !req
394. I should be honest with you.Copy !req
395. I'm a virgin.Copy !req
396. Maybe we should just startCopy !req
397. - with mouth stuff,
if that's okay.
- Mm-hmm. Yes.Copy !req
398. Just mouth stuff.Copy !req
399. Ow. Uh...Copy !req
400. Oh.Copy !req
401. Wowie zowie, that is...Copy !req
402. Uh, shush, darling.
You don't need to talk.Copy !req
403. Oh, I'm sorry.
I always talk too much.Copy !req
404. Oh, ah!Copy !req
405. The Lazarro woman's
demanded proofCopy !req
406. of my ability as an ally,Copy !req
407. so, uh... here goes.Copy !req
408. Hello,
my little nighttime brother.Copy !req
409. Fuck me.Copy !req
410. Fucking thing just bit me.Copy !req
411. But that'll heal immediately.Copy !req
412. There we are.Copy !req
413. Seems I overestimated
our kinship.Copy !req
414. I'll have to take things up
a notch.Copy !req
415. I call out to youCopy !req
416. through the ether,Copy !req
417. Doug...Copy !req
418. Peters.Copy !req
419. Peters?Copy !req
420. Peterson.
Doug Peterson.Copy !req
421. I call out to youCopy !req
422. through the ether,Copy !req
423. Doug Peterson.Copy !req
424. - D...
- GUILLERMO: Did you call me?Copy !req
425. What?Copy !req
426. - I just heard...
Did you call me?
- No.Copy !req
427. I was calling through the ether
to Doug Peterson.Copy !req
428. - You're not calling.
- No.Copy !req
429. If I need anything,
I will call you.Copy !req
430. But not through the ether.Copy !req
431. Just by regular yelling.Copy !req
432. - All right, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.Copy !req
433. Peterson.Copy !req
434. Doug Peterson.Copy !req
435. Doug Peterson.Copy !req
436. Do you hear me call you?Copy !req
437. I hear you.Copy !req
438. Great.Copy !req
439. Hi, Doug.Copy !req
440. Now, my sweet
little baby turkey...Copy !req
441. I'd like you to drink
something from this vial.Copy !req
442. - Huh?
- Oh.Copy !req
443. Is it vodka or something?Copy !req
444. It's like a very strong spirit
with a little spicy kick.Copy !req
445. Um, it is my blood.Copy !req
446. Well, your blood is delicious.Copy !req
447. Why do they call it blood?Copy !req
448. Well, it's...
it is the blood from my body,Copy !req
449. so I-I call it my blood.Copy !req
450. I mean, w-we don't know
who was behind this.Copy !req
451. Is this a gang-related activity?Copy !req
452. Is-is MS-13 sending a message?Copy !req
453. I gave you those raccoons
as a bloody gift.Copy !req
454. This was a clear
and direct threatCopy !req
455. to my well-being...Copy !req
456. They laughed at me.Copy !req
457. They will not be laughing
now that I am about to unleashCopy !req
458. my hellhound Doug Peters...Copy !req
459. son.Copy !req
460. and to the safety
of every member of this council.Copy !req
461. It's a grim portent
of things to comeCopy !req
462. if we don't surrender,
you ignorant bitch.Copy !req
463. Yes, Doug Peterson.
- BARBARA: What?Copy !req
464. I will rip your head
from your body.Copy !req
465. And I will hang your entrailsCopy !req
466. from the traffic light
on Hylan BoulevardCopy !req
467. so our new masters will seeCopy !req
468. that only those who submit
will survive!Copy !req
469. Mr. Peterson,
you are way out of order.Copy !req
470. Heed my vision
before it's too late!Copy !req
471. I have received a messageCopy !req
472. from a slouching beast
in the night!Copy !req
473. - The man is quite obviously mad.
- DOUG: He spoke to meCopy !req
474. - through the ether!
- Or someone's driven him mad.Copy !req
475. Something terrible is coming!Copy !req
476. - This is an embarrassment.
- DOUG: Unhand me,
you troglodyte!Copy !req
477. Well, I did not hear you peep upCopy !req
478. when we were coming up
with the new plan.Copy !req
479. I was making a new vampire.Copy !req
480. - Wait, I'm sorry, what?
- Nothing.Copy !req
481. Perhaps we should come up
with a new plan, then.Copy !req
482. Vengeance will be mine
when nightmares are made real!Copy !req
483. - Are you leaving with us?
- No. I-I can't stand up
right now,Copy !req
484. - if you know
what I mean.Copy !req
485. Tear the fucking veil of
illusion from your eyes!Copy !req
486. And witness the hellscape
that is our destiny!Copy !req
487. Wh-What was that
about a vampire?Copy !req
488. I will tear your balls off
and feed them to your children!Copy !req
489. I, um...Copy !req
490. I've been fighting off
this very intense...Copy !req
491. flu, I think. I... Um,Copy !req
492. 'cause I didn't have enough
layers on the other night.Copy !req
493. Think it's mono.Copy !req
494. Uh, no, I don't...Copy !req
495. think it's...Copy !req