1. This is outrageous!
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2. We're the best twin gamers in the world.
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3. Did you not see us
at the Twin Cyber Olympics?
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4. Nah, I did.
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5. The answer's still no.
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6. Mom, checkbook.
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7. And Mr. Calhoun,
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8. I'm sure that a dirty old poor person
like you making 30 grand a year
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9. could benefit from a little,
I don't know, check for $900,000?
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10. You're right, mom.
They are bad with money.
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11. At first you weren't getting in
because you're 12
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12. and this is a high school,
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13. but now you're never getting in
'cause you're terrible people.
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14. Terrible?
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15. If we're so terrible,
how come we get everything we want?
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16. Exactly what a terrible person would say.
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17. Please leave.
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18. Fine, wanna play hardball?
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19. Mom, buy his school for us.
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20. (Mom) Now, boys, I just bought
you an energy drink company to run.
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21. But mom!
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22. (mom) Tell you what.
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23. Get your stock up to $400 a share
and maybe we'll buy you VGHS.
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24. You hear that, Calhoun?
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25. - Hostile takeover.
- We're gonna buy your dumb school
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26. and throw you out on the street!
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27. You'll rue the day you
ever said no to Ashton—
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28. And Shane...
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29. Barnstormer!
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30. Move over Napalm,
'cause Jock Juice has come to town!
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31. This is where your money belongs.
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32. Teenagers are clapping
hard for Jock Juice.
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33. Well, my win, as with all my wins,
can be attributed
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34. solely to this delicious
beverage, Jock Juice.
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35. Juice up your jocks with Jock Juice!
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36. Slam it into your underpants
and feel the surge.
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37. Jock Juice, uh!
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38. Uh... uhhh...
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39. Okay, it's good.
It's good, it's a good beverage.
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40. Next.
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41. Name?
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42. Shane.
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43. Shane Pizza.
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44. Whoo, lemme hear it ring!
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45. Cool tattoo, nice shoes, up top!
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46. Hey, back to work.
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47. Well, here we go, guys.
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48. Ted, you call us if you
need anything, okay?
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49. Yes, sir.
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50. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Swan for everything.
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51. Especially Overdrift Rally Rash!
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52. - You guys are tops.
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53. Sweetie, you take care.
I'm gonna miss you.
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54. Of course.
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55. Goodbye, parents.
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56. All right! The boys
and Ki are back in town.
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57. Watch out, VGHS.
We're comin' for ya!
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58. Aw, come on, Ki.
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59. The election was, like, forever ago.
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60. No one's gonna remember who you are.
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61. And Brian, dude, come on.
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62. You and Jenny, come on!
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63. Dude!
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64. I know, I know, you're right.
I just... I don't know.
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65. I think I know what I gotta say to her,
and I'm nervous.
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66. I hope she takes me back.
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67. Did this school get bigger,
or did we get smaller?
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68. Looks like
the same old VGHS to me.
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69. Give it up for The Silver
Sun Pickups, everybody.
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70. That's why we come
to school on a Sunday, people.
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71. Now, on to morning announcements.
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72. Good news.
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73. I noticed that the student fund
was getting a little low,
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74. so I dug into my big ol' Pizza pockets
and got some... drum roll please.
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75. New computers for the social gamers!
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76. Come on down, you guys.
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77. Oh, man.
Don't they look happy?
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78. Now, I didn't have to do that.
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79. But I did.
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80. Because we're all one big family.
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81. You are my family.
You are mine!
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82. You my mine, VGHS!
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83. That's hucking those omelettes, gangs.
Smash Mouth is up next.
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84. What?
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85. Oh, here she comes.
Way to go, Heather.
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86. God!
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87. God! No!
What? No running!
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88. Please, no throwing stuff!
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89. I-huh-hey!
Hey, Ki!
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90. - You're back.
- Yes.
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91. - I see they've made you RA.
- Yeah, well, once you left
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92. nobody wanted to take the job,
so I thought, "I'll do it!"
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93. Hey, hey.
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94. Anywhos, so it's been really tough,
but you're back, so that's great.
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95. Um... so... speaking of which,
you have bathroom duty today.
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96. Uh, the girls, they say it's clean,
but they know I won't go in there,
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97. so I think they're lying.
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98. Will you-will you get that
done by tomorrow, please?
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99. (Ki) Nope.
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100. Oh, come on!
Not you too, Ki.
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101. Why does nobody listen to me?
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102. It's because you're weak, Wendell.
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103. - And the world preys on the weak.
- Guh!
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104. God, what's wrong with you?
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105. I thought helping
people was your thing.
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106. I have a new thing now.
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107. What?
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108. You're getting
a frownie sticker, Ki!
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109. Go ahead.
I don't care.
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110. Like crap you don't, Ki Swan!
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111. You invented the sticker system, okay?
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112. You're the only one who cares
about it and if you don't clean
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113. the bathroom in 24 hours,
your name is getting a frownie sticker!
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114. 24 hours, Ki!
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115. Brake!
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116. What up, Drift people!
Who's ready to get their rally on...?
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117. (DK) Theodore!
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118. Old friend!
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119. You find us at our darkest hour.
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120. Sorry about that whole "dad" thing.
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121. We got you a basket.
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122. Oh, thanks.
What happened to your head?
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123. The Dutchess of Fart and her
Fart Goons shaved it in my sleep!
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124. What? Why?
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125. She thinks that if I have no hair
I won't want that coupon for that perm.
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126. They've been pranking us all week.
I think it's time we strike back.
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127. Hide this in your pants.
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128. I was really hoping we could play.
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129. Oh, play later.
First... to war!
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130. Aw, man!
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131. Lieutenant, start the engine!
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132. Sir, I can't solve this equation!
Do you know the variable?
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133. I don't.
But maybe you do.
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134. Okay, gang, master chief
can't fix his warthog
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135. until we find the correct equation.
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136. Anyone?
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137. Uh, is the equation Jenny -
Brian = "Can I get a taste?"
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138. Get out, Sebastian.
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139. - Worth a shot.
- Out!
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140. - It's X - 2.
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141. I'm also smart.
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142. Jenny, show us how it's done.
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143. Nice going, craptain.
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144. Can't even hit a variable.
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145. Keep missing, Jenny.
It's still funny.
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146. Okay, that's enough.
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147. Yeah, so, I'm ditching.
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148. Peace.
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149. Don't miss the door on your way out!
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150. Ooh!
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151. Oh, hey, Rosie.
I'm taking my break.
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152. Go get her, kid.
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153. Hey, J-Jenny.
What's up, stranger?
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154. Brian, you're back.
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155. Yeah, just hangin' out.
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156. Well, what're you up to?
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157. Just ditching class.
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158. Uh-oh... cool, that's new for you.
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159. Yeah, so is being dumped
and made fun of by the entire school.
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160. - Oh.
- Did you need something?
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161. Uh, yeah.
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162. I had a whole game plan, but...
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163. but you just said...
I kinda gotta change it.
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164. Um, listen.
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165. I've had some time
to think about it and I'm sorry.
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166. Okay, no.
I'm sorry.
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167. I just think that we should talk about us.
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168. Brian, I don't even know what I
would say to you about "us" right now.
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169. Uh, well for starters I was hoping
there could even be an us...
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170. and you're leaving.
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171. Um, so, what're we doing again?
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172. Goddamn it, Ted!
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173. How many times do we
have to explain this?
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174. The Duchess and I won
the Trivia Bowl last week,
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175. and the first place prize was one coupon
for a highlight and perm
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176. at the Beyond Two Souls Beauty Salon.
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177. I thought I deserved it.
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178. She thought differently.
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179. We quarreled and Calhoun
took the coupon away.
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180. He won't give it back until
we decide on who gets it.
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181. That's when the pranks began.
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182. Um, okay.
So what do you want me to do?
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183. Shoot her in the head.
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184. Ew! Gum in the hair?
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185. Dude, that's way gross and mean.
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186. We tried to take the high road,
but look what she's done to us.
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187. Everything smells like super glue.
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188. What would you have us do, Ted?
Lie down and die?
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189. - Well, no, but—
- Come on, dude.
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190. You're the John Wilkes Booth
of sling shots.
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191. He's the guy that killed Lincoln.
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192. You got this.
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193. Fine, okay, I'll do it.
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194. Well, that's what friends are for, right?
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195. That's the spirit, Ted!
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196. Let's roll.
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197. Oh, already hard at work, I see. Huh?
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198. If you need more bleach,
there's... okay, what?
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199. What the heck is that?
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200. Oh, didn't you hear?
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201. I'm hosting a 24 hour
game design competition.
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202. So much for bathroom duty.
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203. Oh, nice try, Ki!
But if you want to host
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204. a school event, you're gonna need—
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205. Waivers, signed in triplicate by Calhoun.
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206. Okay... um... fine, fine.
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207. Once you're done, just go
clean the bathroom, okay?
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208. In 24 hours it will be Zoe's turn
to clean the bathroom.
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209. So... I win.
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210. What?
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211. This-This isn't you, Ki!
Why are you being such a jerk?
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212. Because life is meaningless.
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213. - Huh.
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214. I have a game to design,
so if you could just please leave.
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215. Or stay and design a game.
It's a game jam.
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216. Sushi_Princess wins.
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217. You wanna come say that to my face?
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218. Oh, that's what I thought.
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219. So, it really is you.
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220. Who's asking?
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221. The number one player
in that game you just sucked at.
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222. You're Sushi_Princess?
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223. What happened to you, Matrix?
You used to be my hero.
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224. You used to be the best.
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225. Then Brian gave you cooties
and you've sucked ever since.
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226. Okay, well, that is not fair.
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227. Life ain't fair!
Grow a pair.
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228. Sushi_Princess.
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229. I really like that kid.
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230. Yay, mom's here.
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231. Come on, let's get a burger.
Pity party's over.
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232. I've lost her forever, old buddy.
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233. Go, crap!
They made us!
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234. Wha-whoa-whoa!
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235. Good job, Ted.
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236. Oh, my tail bone!
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237. Well, well, well.
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238. His majesty's loyal lap dog.
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239. Duchess, I'm really sorry
about your hair.
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240. Oh, uh...
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241. Well, in that case I guess
we're even, huh?
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242. So truce peace?
Oh, please, Duchess, please!
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243. Please, please, I just back to school.
All I want is to play video games.
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244. Oh, Ted.
You're right.
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245. You've had a tough week.
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246. - Oh, that was very nice of you.
- Calhoun!
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247. - Ted did it.
- Wha-?
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248. TED!
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249. - Detention for the rest of the day.
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250. Calhoun, I swear it wasn't me.
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251. Ted, I'm a grown man
with gum in my hair!
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252. Someone's going down.
That someone is you.
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253. - But—
- Spare me.
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254. You and the Drifters have been
pulling this crap all year.
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255. Yes, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
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256. Look, I know it's tough,
what's happened with your dad.
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257. And being a teen is hard, I guess.
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258. But, dammit, grow up!
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259. This school better be on fire.
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260. Don't move.
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261. Well, what if it is on fire?
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262. Uh, Calhoun's office.
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263. Ted, this is DK.
Get the coupon.
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264. Bottom left drawer. Go!
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265. - DK, I just got super in trouble!
- Get that coupon!
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266. - GOD!
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267. BAH!
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268. Ki Swan!
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269. How do you make, um, video games?
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270. First rule: no talking.
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271. Second rule: sit over there.
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272. Okay.
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273. Hello, knock, knock, knock!
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274. Ding dong!
Hello?
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275. What is this?
What're you doing?
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276. Well, as Head RA, it is my duty
to help students in need.
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277. And, Miss Swan, you need
to talk about your feels.
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278. Hmm?
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279. So I'm not going to leave
here until you do.
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280. I'm an artist.
I don't talk.
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281. I create.
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282. Hey, what is this?
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283. Huh. Hey, this is kinda cool.
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284. How do you jump?
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285. - You can leave now.
- What, that's it?
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286. You just walk until you let go
and then you die?
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287. Yep, that's the whole game.
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288. But that's stupid!
What's the point of playing?
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289. Exactly.
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290. Oh my god, Ki!
Please be more pretentious.
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291. It's not pretentious, Wendell.
You're just too dumb to get it.
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292. That's right, Wendell.
You're dumb.
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293. Well then, I guess
dumb old Wendell will just have
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294. to play your dumb old game
until he figures it out.
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295. (Ki) There's nothing
to figure out, Wendell.
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296. Well, then it's gonna be
a loooong 21 hours, Ki.
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297. - I'm outta here.
- Bye.
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298. How about some music?
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299. (DJ) You're listening to NPR,
the Napalm Player Report,
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300. and we're talking with Ashley Barnstormer.
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301. Great timing, mom.
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302. Speaking of timing, I was gonna
tell you this after class
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303. but the commandos need me
back earlier than I thought.
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304. When do you leave?
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305. The OTA's are Monday, so tomorrow.
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306. Wow, that's great.
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307. Yeah, the new owners
have to flex their muscles.
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308. - And since school is wrapping up—
- Mom, it's fine.
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309. You know, you gotta go.
I get it.
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310. Have fun.
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311. Why are you touching me?
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312. I'm... comforting you?
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313. Is that a question?
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314. You know, I'm trying to be a mom here.
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315. Yeah? Well, you're terrible at it.
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316. Yeah? Well...
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317. Your boyfriend dumped you.
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318. You know,
I don't even know why we try.
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319. Wow.
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320. - No!
- Yup.
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321. Jenny! Wait!
Come back here.
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322. Jenny!
Get back here!
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323. Stop! Stop!
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324. - What?
- You weren't stopping.
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325. Okay, mom.
Here's your chance.
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326. - Parent me.
- Oh, shit.
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327. I don't know.
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328. Listen, you don't need me here, okay?
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329. You're one of the best
in the league and next year—
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330. Mom, I know, okay?
This isn't even about you.
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331. Oh, thank god.
Wait.
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332. - Then what's the problem?
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333. The problem is everything else!
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334. All right? I am an angry, unhappy person.
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335. That's probably why I
punched Ashley in the face,
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336. and why I have no real friends,
and why I just ruined
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337. my relationship with the only person
in my life who's ever really loved me.
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338. Present company sort of excluded,
I guess, and dad, or...
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339. Brian wants to get back together.
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340. Which means that he hasn't realized
that I'm a total sociopath
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341. that cares more about
video games than people.
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342. When he does, he's gonna
wanna break up again,
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343. which is exactly what I deserve,
'cause I'm a shitty person.
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344. You're not a shitty person.
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345. How would you know that?
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346. A shitty person is a mom
that walks out on her husband
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347. and her little girl just to get
another trophy under her belt.
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348. Not a 16 year old girl
with hopes and dreams.
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349. Just the fact that you even care
about other people's feelings,
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350. that makes you, you know, fine.
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351. I'm gonna miss you, kid.
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352. Me too.
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353. Stop, stop that.
Stop doing that.
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354. Sorry.
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355. Just Brian messing up again like always.
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356. Okay, what is it?
Spit it out.
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357. It's just when Jenny and I broke up.
And I wanna fix it.
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358. Or, I don't know,
maybe I don't.
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359. Maybe I'm meant to be alone.
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360. I don't wanna die.
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361. Calhoun, please.
I don't have a dad.
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362. I just danced with my cat.
I need an adult.
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363. - Do you like her?
- Yes.
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364. Are you in high school?
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365. Yes.
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366. Welcome to the wonderful world
of having no problems!
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367. No, no!
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368. Calhoun, the problem is...
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369. even if we get back together...
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370. I don't know.
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371. I'm never gonna be the most
important thing in her life.
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372. Yeah, that's 'cause she's smarter
than most teenage girls, all right?
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373. You're her high school boyfriend.
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374. You should be happy she even talks to you.
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375. - But—
- But.
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376. - But.
- But.
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377. But shut up, okay?
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378. This is your first relationship.
It's like your first car.
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379. You're gonna go fast,
way too fast.
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380. You're probably gonna wreck it.
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381. So wear a seat belt and enjoy the ride.
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382. Calhoun, I'm gonna be honest.
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383. I'm trying to open up to you here,
but you're really not helping.
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384. Maybe that's because I'm not the one
you should be opening up to.
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385. Boom.
Nailed it.
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386. Hey, guys, I—
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387. Ah, Theodore.
You return.
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388. And with my coupon, I see.
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389. Well done!
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390. You're playing my game without me.
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391. (DK) Not anymore.
We're out of candy
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392. and we beat all the levels.
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393. Before it expires?
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394. No.
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395. Um, yes.
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396. No!
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397. - I command you—
- I said NO.
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398. - Ted—
- You ate my dead dad candy.
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399. I am the Drift King!
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400. Yeah, well maybe you shouldn't be.
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401. Seriously, we do bad stuff
for you all the time,
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402. but you don't care.
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403. You only care about yourself.
You're not a king, dude.
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404. You're a senior!
You're going to college next year.
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405. Just grow the hell up!
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406. I could be a better king than you.
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407. Is that a challenge, Ted?
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408. Yeah, it is.
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409. I challenge you
for the title of Drift King.
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410. I accept.
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411. And when you race against king...
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412. ..you race against his kingdom.
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413. Let's drift.
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414. Sorry, DK.
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415. Oh!
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416. The kingdom's yours, DK.
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417. Okay, Wendell.
I'm only talking to you
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418. because you're sleeping.
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419. And last week I burned my diary
to see what the ashes would look like.
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420. Which was stupid.
I don't know why I did that.
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421. I don't really know
what's happening to me.
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422. You know I still have all my grandparents?
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423. Ted's father is dead, but I still get
four sweaters for Christmas every year.
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424. Which just seems really mean to me.
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425. It's callous and random.
And then it's over.
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426. I don't really know why
I'm playing anymore.
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427. It's not your fault though.
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428. Hey.
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429. Look, let me go first, all right?
I gotta get this out.
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430. Okay.
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431. I never really had a dad.
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432. And my mom was an addict,
so I pretty much took care of myself.
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433. And I got used to being alone.
I got pretty good at it.
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434. But then I came here and I met Ted,
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435. and I met Ki, and I met you.
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436. And I fell for you like that.
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437. And for the first time,
I didn't feel alone.
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438. And when I thought you were leaving,
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439. I should've been happy for you.
I should've, but...
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440. I was so scared of losing you
that I lashed out.
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441. And it was selfish, and it was horrible,
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442. and I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Jenny.
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443. I'm glad you went first.
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444. Why, what were you going to say?
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445. Well, the game jam's
almost over, Ki.
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446. Okay, I guess you win.
Life really is meaningless, huh?
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447. What?
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448. No!
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449. Wait, huh?
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450. What is that?
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451. Oh! Oh my god!
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452. Oh my god!
Look this—this is awesome!
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453. Oh! I'm flying.
It's me.
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454. I'm flying!
I'm flying!
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455. Ki, it's me.
I'm flying.
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456. Oh my god!
This game rules!
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457. That's the best game ever.
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458. You're great, RA Wendell.
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459. Thanks, Ki.
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460. Oh!
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461. - What was that?
- It's nothing.
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462. Okay, now go clean the bathroom.
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463. - Okay.
- I'm serious.
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464. Okay.
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465. It's this way.
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466. Smash Mouth signed a contract.
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467. If we re-neg, we owe them big.
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468. Fine, whatever.
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469. Just make sure they're
not in the teacher's lounge.
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470. - Anything else?
- I got something!
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471. Barnstormer!
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472. Hey, Calhoulligan.
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473. Just came by to give you the good news.
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474. Napalm broke 400. Hah!
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475. - a champion.
- Awesome news, brother.
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476. Shane.
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477. Shane Barnstormer.
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478. Yeah, didn't I tell you?
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479. Oh wait, no.
I faked my own death.
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480. I changed my name to Pizza,
and then I took down
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481. your school from the inside.
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482. Oops.
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483. What a face!
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484. You really should've taken that check.
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485. Fuck!
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486. Hey, guys, mind if we join?
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487. Heck yeah, we don't.
Sit down.
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488. Well, looks like everything's
back to normal.
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489. Good morning, VGHS!
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490. I hope you're enjoying
that cafeteria breakfast
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491. because it's your last!
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492. Oh no!
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493. You cannot win!
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