1. Okay, final stage.Copy !req
2. Now maneuver your lips
through the anxiety fieldCopy !req
3. towards Jenny's face.
Go left, left!Copy !req
4. Ki, this is really weird.Copy !req
5. Use the breath mint!
It's gonna boost your confidence!Copy !req
6. No, no, don't hit that.Copy !req
7. Guys, guys!Copy !req
8. I can kiss Jenny
on my own, trust me.Copy !req
9. - What, now?
- Raahhhh!Copy !req
10. Um, nothing.Copy !req
11. We were just beta-testing
kv's new video game.Copy !req
12. It's a high school video game.Copy !req
13. Video game high school's
video game.Copy !req
14. Small part with you in it.Copy !req
15. Yeah, that's why I'm here.Copy !req
16. Ki, I can't get
past the flag pole.Copy !req
17. Oh?Copy !req
18. Uh, okay.Copy !req
19. Let me show you.Copy !req
20. Um...Copy !req
21. Hey, so do you want to get
some lunch sometime?Copy !req
22. - We should hang out more often.
- Um, okay.Copy !req
23. Hey, uh, want to play
the part of the videogameCopy !req
24. where I'm making out with Ki?Copy !req
25. I'm coming too, guys.Copy !req
26. It's just rollplaying!Copy !req
27. Boom! Matrix and d dominatedCopy !req
28. the St. Catherine girls academy
punishers in last night's match.Copy !req
29. That makes three wins in a rowCopy !req
30. for the little j.V. Team
that could.Copy !req
31. I tell you what, shotty, if
me and the old ball and chainCopy !req
32. had half the chemistry
as these two,Copy !req
33. ll wouldn't be sleeping
on the couch.Copy !req
34. Or drunk at ten in the morning!Copy !req
35. Ha ha! You shouldn't
say that again!Copy !req
36. Oh.Copy !req
37. It's ok...Copy !req
38. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
39. - I'm sorry.
- It's fine.Copy !req
40. Yes, well, it's crunch time,
so mother is wired in,Copy !req
41. but father could never resist
a good parents' day.Copy !req
42. Uh, yeah, when is
your dad coming in?Copy !req
43. Dude, Ki's dad is coming
in, like, 30 minutes.Copy !req
44. Pay attention.
We're playing pokermon.Copy !req
45. Yes, that's right,
and you two are both invited.Copy !req
46. Especially you, Jenny.
You're my cool friend.Copy !req
47. Oh. Well, thanks, Ki.Copy !req
48. - I'll totally be there.
- Excellent.Copy !req
49. Let me just go get cleaned up,Copy !req
50. because somebody
got paint all over me.Copy !req
51. Yeah, well, uh,
it paints one to know one.Copy !req
52. Wow, you just said that,
and we all heard.Copy !req
53. Later, guys.Copy !req
54. Later! Okay, Ki,Copy !req
55. so when I meet your dad,
is it "hello, Mr. Swan,"Copy !req
56. or should I say,
"c at less than less than open quotes.Copy !req
57. "Oh, Mr. Swan!Copy !req
58. Closed quotes!
Return zero semicolon!"Copy !req
59. Ted, you learned c++, kind of.Copy !req
60. Oh, yes. I know my accent sucks,Copy !req
61. but I really want
to impress your dad,Copy !req
62. so I'm bringin' out
the big guns:Copy !req
63. My k-pop looks, my j-pop charm,Copy !req
64. and my big, honkin'
smart guy brain.Copy !req
65. Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
66. Catch you later, daddy-o!Copy !req
67. Ted...Copy !req
68. Did you just give
your dad $5,0007?Copy !req
69. I owe him child support.Copy !req
70. No big, just smart
and responsible TedCopy !req
71. paying his dad five large.Copy !req
72. No, no.Copy !req
73. Ted, he pays you child support.Copy !req
74. No, Brian.Copy !req
75. Don't mean to make you
sound super dumb,Copy !req
76. but that would be called
father support.Copy !req
77. Oh, my god, guys,
I'm super dumb.Copy !req
78. Jenny. I got some good news.Copy !req
79. That doesn't sound good.Copy !req
80. The pta is giving me this parent
of the year thing in the morning.Copy !req
81. I'm not going, am I?Copy !req
82. The brunch is at ten,
and then you give a speech at 11:30.Copy !req
83. There's a speech?Copy !req
84. Just, like, a page,
about how I'm a great mom.Copy !req
85. I'm not staying up all night
writing a speech about you.Copy !req
86. I have plans.Copy !req
87. Jenny, this is important to me.Copy !req
88. The countess will be there,Copy !req
89. as in the head of
the national FPS league,Copy !req
90. so make it good.Copy !req
91. Yeah, I know who she is, okay?
I just...Copy !req
92. I don't really feel
like talking about youCopy !req
93. in front of everybody.Copy !req
94. Well, it sucks to be you.Copy !req
95. See you at ten.Copy !req
96. Can't wait to hear that speech.Copy !req
97. Okay. I think I got it.Copy !req
98. - Each player starts with five cards.
- Four cards.Copy !req
99. D'oh! I'm never gonna
learn this game in time!Copy !req
100. I'm such an idiot.Copy !req
101. You are not an idiot.Copy !req
102. You're just... curious
about the world.Copy !req
103. Huh.Copy !req
104. Brian, am I just
curious about the world?Copy !req
105. What? No, Ted, you're not
an idiot. You're just, uh...Copy !req
106. Okay, uh, guys, I gotta go.Copy !req
107. Wait. Brian, you're
my backup cool friend.Copy !req
108. I'm sorry, Ki.
I'll meet your dad tomorrow.Copy !req
109. Oh! What he said! I'm outtie!Copy !req
110. Ted, my dad's gonna
be here any second!Copy !req
111. Exactly. I can't let him
see that his daughterCopy !req
112. is dating a big, dumb idiot.Copy !req
113. Out of the way, old man!Copy !req
114. Swan's the name.
Ken Swan. I'm Ki's father.Copy !req
115. Ohhh!Copy !req
116. Of course you are!Copy !req
117. Please excuse me.Copy !req
118. Come in!Copy !req
119. Yes!Copy !req
120. Crap!Copy !req
121. You're bluffing.Copy !req
122. You're stalling.Copy !req
123. You had me sweating
for a minute there, kiwi.Copy !req
124. Now, about that wager.Copy !req
125. Can we play another game?
I have a really great wager.Copy !req
126. Isn't it past your bedtime?Copy !req
127. Yes. Yes, it is.Copy !req
128. Tomorrow, then. Deal?Copy !req
129. Deal. When we get home.Copy !req
130. Home?Copy !req
131. Oh, sorry, I have
class tomorrow.Copy !req
132. Honey, your mother
and I had a talk, Ki,Copy !req
133. and we don't think this
school is good for you.Copy !req
134. Beg your pardon?
On what grounds?Copy !req
135. We played the game
you sent home.Copy !req
136. High school video game,
was it? Not your best work.Copy !req
137. Quite a bit of violence
and kissing,Copy !req
138. and more than a few bugs.Copy !req
139. Ki, it's not like you.Copy !req
140. It's still in beta!Copy !req
141. No, I can't leave here.Copy !req
142. I'm learning so much.
I'm becoming a better designer.Copy !req
143. No, you're not.
Your new game sucks.Copy !req
144. You heard that sad child, honey.Copy !req
145. It's time to come home.Copy !req
146. Wait.Copy !req
147. I request a performance review.Copy !req
148. This isn't up for discussion.Copy !req
149. Article 44, section g of the
Swan family contract states,Copy !req
150. "If Ki feels her parents are
being mean and unreasonable,Copy !req
151. she can request an official
review of her performance."Copy !req
152. Very well.Copy !req
153. We start at 0800.Copy !req
154. You have 12 hours
to prep your case.Copy !req
155. Better get crackin'.Copy !req
156. Love you, sir.Copy !req
157. Love you, too.Copy !req
158. Come on in.Copy !req
159. Want a black licourisce soda?Copy !req
160. My dad sent a care package.Copy !req
161. Okay.Copy !req
162. Oh, is he not coming?Copy !req
163. Uh, he came last year,
but my mom's here this year,Copy !req
164. and they don't really
hang, so...Copy !req
165. Hmm.Copy !req
166. What about your parents?Copy !req
167. Umm...Copy !req
168. Well, I lost my dad
when I was 3,Copy !req
169. and it's double-xp weekend,Copy !req
170. so she's probably not coming.Copy !req
171. Wow. That's...Copy !req
172. Robust.Copy !req
173. So, uh, what did you have to
write a speech about your mom for?Copy !req
174. Oh, yeah, she's winning
mother of the year,Copy !req
175. and I'm supposed
to introduce her,Copy !req
176. but I suck at speeches.Copy !req
177. Do you want to see
what I have so far?Copy !req
178. Sure, yeah. Fire away.Copy !req
179. "What can I say about
the incredible Mary Matrix?"Copy !req
180. That's it. That's... All I got.Copy !req
181. Oh.Copy !req
182. Okay. Um...Copy !req
183. Not a bad start.Copy !req
184. But are you... if you're
asking me for my advice,Copy !req
185. I would probably
start off, like,Copy !req
186. telling a joke
and then maybe segueCopy !req
187. to a couple heartwarming
anecdotes.Copy !req
188. I don't really have
anything like that.Copy !req
189. Well, sure you do. I mean...Copy !req
190. You know, like fond memories
with your mom, you know,Copy !req
191. like, uh, birthday parties
or graduation,Copy !req
192. maybe fragging newbs together.Copy !req
193. Just you know... you know,Copy !req
194. like cute mother-daughter
kind of stuff, um...Copy !req
195. You know, just to say
something nice about your mom.Copy !req
196. I can't.Copy !req
197. I mean, I can't think of anything.
I don't...Copy !req
198. I don't have anything
to say about my mom.Copy !req
199. Jenny.Copy !req
200. Hey.Copy !req
201. Hi.Copy !req
202. Hey.Copy !req
203. Thanks for listening to
my crap last night.Copy !req
204. Of course.Copy !req
205. Jeez, it's 10:15.
The brunch is...Copy !req
206. Mom!Copy !req
207. Mom! M-Mary! Coach!Copy !req
208. Hey, Brian, don't you have
some tables to wait on?Copy !req
209. Oh, crap. Calhoun's
gonna kill me.Copy !req
210. Just go, Brian.Copy !req
211. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.Copy !req
212. It's okay.Copy !req
213. Um, nothing happened.Copy !req
214. Sorry.Copy !req
215. Jeez, mom, heard of knocking?Copy !req
216. Get down there. Now.Copy !req
217. I must say,
your professor LaytonCopy !req
218. has no understanding
of where the puzzle genreCopy !req
219. fits into caillois'
four categories of play.Copy !req
220. They teach you to play
games here, father.Copy !req
221. It isn't carnegie mellon.Copy !req
222. Clearly. Have you
learned anything here?Copy !req
223. Of course.Copy !req
224. Except for Freddie's class,
but I dropped that one.Copy !req
225. You're dropping classes?Copy !req
226. Oh, look, my R.A. Board.Copy !req
227. This is where I schedule
activities and choresCopy !req
228. for the entire floor.Copy !req
229. Wendell! Did you
clean the bathroom?Copy !req
230. Um... yeah.Copy !req
231. Wendell.Copy !req
232. Uh... no.Copy !req
233. With all this middle
management work,Copy !req
234. ll hope you're still
finding the timeCopy !req
235. to flex your creative muscles.Copy !req
236. Oh, I sure do.Copy !req
237. In fact, as R.A.,Copy !req
238. ll flex my way around creative
challenges all the time.Copy !req
239. - Shane!
- 'M a busy man, Ki!Copy !req
240. What did you think of
my creative ideas for...Copy !req
241. I think I don't care
about you, your job,Copy !req
242. or finishing
this sentence, so...Copy !req
243. That's my boss.Copy !req
244. He prefers negative
reinforcement.Copy !req
245. Hmm.Copy !req
246. But I saved the most
positive reinforcementCopy !req
247. of the idea of why this
school is really great for meCopy !req
248. and why I should
stay here for last...Copy !req
249. My boyfriend, Ted.Copy !req
250. Ovulations, old bean.Copy !req
251. And why are your assault
players using acog scopes?Copy !req
252. In my day, all we needed
was a simple foregrip.Copy !req
253. Countess Kelly,
may I present my daugther,Copy !req
254. Jenny Matrix.Copy !req
255. Sorry I'm late, ma'am.Copy !req
256. A good varsity captain should
always be punctual, Jenny,Copy !req
257. and barring that they should
be able to manufactureCopy !req
258. a decent excuse.Copy !req
259. Yeah, I was up
all night with a friendCopy !req
260. writing a speech
about my wonderful mother.Copy !req
261. We lost track of time, he and I.Copy !req
262. He and I?Copy !req
263. Am I to understand
you're late for brunchCopy !req
264. because you had a boy
in your room all night?Copy !req
265. I am hungry! Where's Brian?Copy !req
266. Ernie! Women are talking!Copy !req
267. Now, Jenny, why don't you tell
us about this boy friend of yoursCopy !req
268. who's occupying
your valuable time.Copy !req
269. Hello. Um...Copy !req
270. My name is Brian.
I will be your server today.Copy !req
271. We'll all have tuna.Copy !req
272. I'm sorry I'm late.Copy !req
273. I'm allergic to tuna!Copy !req
274. Okay.Copy !req
275. What? That's impossible!Copy !req
276. No! No!Copy !req
277. Hey there, short stack.Copy !req
278. Ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
279. Learning a valuable lessonCopy !req
280. about respecting the people
you've hurt in the past?Copy !req
281. Well, don't!Copy !req
282. Who...Copy !req
283. What are you?Copy !req
284. I'm the best version of you
that ever existed.Copy !req
285. The pride before the fall.Copy !req
286. The cool before the storm.Copy !req
287. I'm the Law,Copy !req
288. and you're just a stooge,Copy !req
289. a patsy,Copy !req
290. the chubby dillweed
every crew jockCopy !req
291. used to wedgie into their
lockers in middle school.Copy !req
292. Now you're just
Lawrence Pemberton.Copy !req
293. Never say that name to me!Copy !req
294. Okay, jeez.
Switch to decaf, kemosabe.Copy !req
295. Which is why you must
remain focused.Copy !req
296. Yes, ma'am, ll completely agree.Copy !req
297. A varsity captain
keeps her skills leetCopy !req
298. and her social calendar clearedCopy !req
299. so she can practice,
practice, practice.Copy !req
300. Yes, ma'am, ll completely agree.Copy !req
301. Especially when she only
received her stationCopy !req
302. through her mother's
interventionCopy !req
303. and the uprupt meltdown
of her ex-boyfriend,Copy !req
304. which leads me back to my point:Copy !req
305. No boyfriends.Copy !req
306. Okay, lady, you know what?Copy !req
307. I agree. If I ever caught
two of my players dating,Copy !req
308. I would bench them both
for the rest of the season.Copy !req
309. Got it?Copy !req
310. I do, and I like it.Copy !req
311. Just the sort of disciplineCopy !req
312. I'd expect from parent
of the year.Copy !req
313. Let's eat.Copy !req
314. Now, Mary, let's talk
knife-running.Copy !req
315. Ernie! Is that
a bacon cheeseburger?Copy !req
316. I didn't even...
I didn't even order this!Copy !req
317. Brian!Copy !req
318. I'm sorry. I will
fix this immediately.Copy !req
319. That boy is an idiot!Copy !req
320. He's my friend.Copy !req
321. I beg your pardon.Copy !req
322. Brian, he's my friend.Copy !req
323. And my personal life
is none of your business.Copy !req
324. We are not talking
about this right now.Copy !req
325. Yeah, we are. You can't just
waltz back into my life...Copy !req
326. Yes, I can. I'm your mother.Copy !req
327. Since when?Copy !req
328. Will someone get
that man a tuna?Copy !req
329. Well, sorry if I appeared
so dumb before, Kenneth.Copy !req
330. I'm not!Copy !req
331. May I fetch you a pizza dunks?Copy !req
332. I'll just have
some water, thanks.Copy !req
333. Ah, a water man! Fine taste.Copy !req
334. I admire a dad with
a sophisticated phallus.Copy !req
335. You know what, sport?Copy !req
336. Let's just get down
to brass tacks.Copy !req
337. Okay.Copy !req
338. Ted. That's short for Edward?Copy !req
339. Theodore.Copy !req
340. Ah, Greek, from "god's gift."Copy !req
341. Ted wong...Copy !req
342. Your parents must think
very highly of you!Copy !req
343. No, thank you, I already ate.Copy !req
344. You like my daughter?Copy !req
345. Uh, yes, very much.Copy !req
346. Do you two get up
to much kissing?Copy !req
347. No! Yes!Copy !req
348. I mean, maybe... Perhaps.Copy !req
349. Let's get back
to those brass taxes.Copy !req
350. I mean, do we really need them?Copy !req
351. Discuss.Copy !req
352. Let's discuss what you do knowCopy !req
353. you do with my daughter.Copy !req
354. Uh, well, um...Copy !req
355. We go to class.Copy !req
356. We talk.Copy !req
357. And yoga.Copy !req
358. And every sunday
we get up extra earlyCopy !req
359. and make those little
pancake balls.Copy !req
360. They're so cute.
What are they called again, Ki?Copy !req
361. Ebelskivers.
They're called ebelskivers,Copy !req
362. and we used to make them
every sunda morning,Copy !req
363. before our family walk.Copy !req
364. I've seen all I need to see.Copy !req
365. You can go.Copy !req
366. Oh, um...Copy !req
367. Okay.Copy !req
368. It was very nice to meet you.Copy !req
369. That was very rude, father.Copy !req
370. Let's review.Copy !req
371. You stay up late,
you eat junk food,Copy !req
372. you're dropping classes,
which doesn't seem to matter,Copy !req
373. "cause you're not
learning anything,"Copy !req
374. but worst of all,
your art is suffering.Copy !req
375. I like it here.Copy !req
376. I'm making friends.Copy !req
377. The less said
about Ted the better.Copy !req
378. As for your other friends,Copy !req
379. ll don't see hide
nor hair of them.Copy !req
380. Is someone having
imaginary friends again?Copy !req
381. I am not! They are
real and wonderful,Copy !req
382. and not jerks.Copy !req
383. Like you.Copy !req
384. I'm sorry that you
feel that way,Copy !req
385. but you asked
for a performance review,Copy !req
386. and you failed it.Copy !req
387. You're coming home, Ki.Copy !req
388. Hey.Copy !req
389. Sorry about all... that.Copy !req
390. Yikes.Copy !req
391. You know, I don't think
there's enough ice creamCopy !req
392. in the entire world
to deal with that bunch.Copy !req
393. But... I did find
a piece of gum.Copy !req
394. Sugar-free.Copy !req
395. But we have to split it,Copy !req
396. "cause I've had
a pretty rough day myself."Copy !req
397. Cheers.Copy !req
398. I'll give you a thousand bucks
to give this speech for me.Copy !req
399. Nah, you'll be fine.Copy !req
400. I mean, it does suck...Copy !req
401. But she's your mom,Copy !req
402. and you have to do this.Copy !req
403. And you'll deal.Copy !req
404. Yeah. I'll deal.Copy !req
405. Okay. Well, I have
to get back to work.Copy !req
406. Kiwi?Copy !req
407. I wanted to apologize
for earlier.Copy !req
408. I downloaded some swell gregorian
chants for the ride home.Copy !req
409. That's very considerate, father.Copy !req
410. Father, do you mind if we play
that last game of pokermonCopy !req
411. before we go?Copy !req
412. Whatever my little girl wants.Copy !req
413. What's your wager?Copy !req
414. My freedom!Copy !req
415. Honey, why delay the inevitable?
I always win.Copy !req
416. But if I win, I stay at VGHS.Copy !req
417. If you win, which you won't,Copy !req
418. I'll do the dishes
on Wednesday nights.Copy !req
419. Lasagna night.Copy !req
420. You are desperate.Copy !req
421. Very well. Let's pokermon.Copy !req
422. Almost nothing!Copy !req
423. Whoa! Yeah!Copy !req
424. Ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
425. Whoo!Copy !req
426. I'm back!Copy !req
427. No one can beat the Law
except the Law!Copy !req
428. Ki, your game has problems!Copy !req
429. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
430. Oh, dude, Law!
Put some pants on, man!Copy !req
431. Make an effort. Do something.Copy !req
432. Never!Copy !req
433. Never again!Copy !req
434. Ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
435. What can I say about
the great Mary Matrix?Copy !req
436. Um, well, stay away from
her meatloaf, for one.Copy !req
437. You've all heard of Mary Matrix.Copy !req
438. Some of you might even know her,Copy !req
439. but I'm the only one
who gets to call her mom.Copy !req
440. And, uh...Copy !req
441. Right from the beginning,
I wanted to be my mom.Copy !req
442. Frag bowl 23,
wildcats vs. Warriors,Copy !req
443. and she was eight months
pregnant with me.Copy !req
444. I've seen the clips, mom,
you were huge.Copy !req
445. So...Copy !req
446. It's the final round.
There's four minutes left in the gameCopy !req
447. and her team's down
by five points,Copy !req
448. and she goes into labor,
but you didn't stop.Copy !req
449. You just kept playing, and you
brought your team a miracle.Copy !req
450. The wildcats
won by three points.Copy !req
451. And then you had me
right there in the arena.Copy !req
452. I didn't even give you time
to get to the hospital.Copy !req
453. I think...Copy !req
454. I just wanted
to meet you so bad:Copy !req
455. The Boston banshee,
the siren of death.Copy !req
456. Twenty-two years old,
and five championship titles.Copy !req
457. Sorry I almost
lost you your sixth.Copy !req
458. While you were away, dad and I,
we would watch every game,Copy !req
459. every press conference,
every interview.Copy !req
460. Your commitment to the game
left me in awe,Copy !req
461. so when I started playing,
ll took your handle:Copy !req
462. Matrix. Jenny Matrix.Copy !req
463. Because you weren't just my mom,Copy !req
464. you were my hero.Copy !req
465. Well, you all know
the rest of the story:Copy !req
466. Star player becomes star coach,Copy !req
467. and now she's here.Copy !req
468. So it is my honor
to present Mary MatrixCopy !req
469. with the pta's parent
of the year award.Copy !req
470. I love you, mom.Copy !req
471. Was that so hard?Copy !req
472. Thank you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
473. Well, honey, here we are again.Copy !req
474. So...Copy !req
475. Am I bluffing?Copy !req
476. Hey, guys.Copy !req
477. Um...Copy !req
478. Mr. Swan, I think we got off
on the wrong foot.Copy !req
479. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
480. Hey.Copy !req
481. What's going on?Copy !req
482. Ted, what would you do if I
had to go home for a while?Copy !req
483. Oh, I-l don't know. I mean,
I'd miss you a whole bunch,Copy !req
484. I'd be really sad, but if you
really had to leave,Copy !req
485. I'd understand.Copy !req
486. You're a genius.Copy !req
487. I fold.Copy !req
488. Interesting.Copy !req
489. You win, but I'm
calling your bluff.Copy !req
490. You won't take me home.Copy !req
491. If Ted is mature enough
to let me leave,Copy !req
492. you definitely are.Copy !req
493. This isn't about VGHS;Copy !req
494. This is about me
growing up without you.Copy !req
495. And it hurts.Copy !req
496. It's classic
empty nest syndrome.Copy !req
497. I'm sorry, dad,
but I'm calling your bluff.Copy !req
498. I'll bet you didn't expect that.Copy !req
499. It was expected.Copy !req
500. But I didn't expect it so soon.Copy !req
501. Father.Copy !req
502. - I love you.
- I love you too, kiwi.Copy !req
503. Hey, uh, Mr. Swan.Copy !req
504. Um, would it be okay
if me and KiCopy !req
505. came over on the weekends?Copy !req
506. We shall make evil beavers.Copy !req
507. My daughter's right.Copy !req
508. You're a genius.Copy !req
509. Evil beavers it is.Copy !req
510. You sure?Copy !req