Vice Principals: Season 1, Episode 9

1. Let's get out of here.

2. Mm.

3. Gamby, she's passed out drunk in the bathtub.

4. Slam that door as hard as you want, that bitch ain't gonna wake up.

5. Are you kidding?

6. See the destruction that she-beast laid? I'm being risk-averse, considering.

7. Well, now's not the time for caution. Now's the time for celebration.

8. I say we finish this bottle of gin.

9. No. I'm not proud of what we did here tonight, Lee.

10. Well, you should be, because this is how leaders are made.

11. Maybe so. We gotta cover our tracks.

12. Almost a shame to get rid of all this stuff, isn't it?

13. Not really. It's a relief.

14. Holy shit.

15. Fucking beautiful.

16. There you go. Look at that.

17. You know, Charlemagne may not be Shadowfax...

18. but in time, you both are gonna create your own unique friendship...

19. that I'd imagine is much stronger than anything you could've had with a motorcycle.

20. You understand what I'm saying?

21. This is good right here.

22. Seeing you do what you're destined to do.

23. And if Charlemagne is not into you riding her, just make her into you.

24. Force yourself into her.

25. What are you telling her to do?

26. Just mind your own business, shit-shoveler.

27. Go. I'm trying to bond with my daughter here.

28. - How's it feel to be back in the saddle? - I don't know. I kind of miss my bike.

29. Einstein's definition of a dumb-ass, is someone who does the same exact thing...

30. over and over again and expects different results.

31. Well, I was thinking about what Ray said, about not being afraid.

32. Baby, if you haven't figured this out yet, Ray is a simple man with simple thoughts.

33. You, on the other hand, are very smart. You're very talented.

34. You could do any hobby you want.

35. Plus, isn't it really expensive to do horses?

36. I mean, you could barely pay for Shadowfax.

37. Oh, I don't know who told you that, but it's not true. Okay?

38. - And money's no object, especially now. - Why especially now?

39. I guess I'll go ahead and tell you.

40. There's a good chance I'm gonna be principal again.

41. - Oh. - "Oh"?

42. - That's it? - No, it's great, Dad.

43. It's just I don't wanna get my hopes up like last time, till it's for sure.

44. - Well, maybe this time it is a sure thing. - It is?

45. - Maybe. - So you're definitely gonna be principal?

46. Yes.

47. Hell, yes.

48. Oh, my God.

49. Hey, save some bacon for the rest of us, Moby Dick. Ha.

50. Oh, my God, I'm dying. I am dying. I cut a highlight reel of the footage we shot.

51. I tell you what, I am on the edge of my seat, Gamby.

52. I'm on the edge of my seat.

53. What the fuck?

54. Gamby, you should be as hyped as I am. I'm about to shit my fucking pants.

55. No, yeah, me too. I'm about to shit my pants too.

56. I'm just... Can't wait to shit my pants.

57. Jesus, Gamby, will you forget her?

58. Quit it. You're above her. You're better than her.

59. She's not returning my phone calls or my text messages.

60. Oh, would you stop it?

61. Now, you don't wanna be having some illicit affair with some teacher.

62. You're about to move into a position of power.

63. - Don't shit where you eat, Gamby. - Yeah, no, that's good advice. You're right.

64. You're damn right I'm right. Now get in the fucking zone with me.

65. - Get your head down, fucking focus. - I'm in it. I'm in the zone.

66. Good. You got your line memorized?

67. - Line? - Oh, come on, Gamby.

68. You're supposed to say, "End of the line, slut."

69. That's clever, because we gonna be on some train tracks.

70. - "Slut"? I can't just say, "End of the line"? - Will you just say it? Let me hear you say it.

71. - End of the line, slut. - You got it.

72. - Got it. - Then I pull out my tablet, show her the video.

73. Fucking checkmate.

74. Check-fucking-mate. Let me hear you say it.

75. - Check-fucking-mate. Check-fucking-mate. - Check-fucking-mate.

76. - Tell me that's not check. - Check-fucking-mate.

77. Boom.

78. Kids sneaking out here to smoke marijuana?

79. Other drugs too. Coke, pills, Molly.

80. With these trains zipping by? Mm-mm. That's just an accident waiting to happen.

81. - Yes, that's what we are concerned with. - And if I may, putting work aside...

82. and while we're out here alone, I must address my gin-soaked evening.

83. It's all really a blur.

84. And I am so embarrassed, really. I don't know if I was dreaming...

85. but were you there too, Mr. Russell?

86. Yes, I was, briefly.

87. I just dropped by to have a couple of drinks, but wound up helping Gamby take care of you.

88. Oh, B, it's okay. Don't be embarrassed. Lord knows, I have been there before.

89. Well, thank you, Mr. Russell.

90. And thank you too, Mr. Gamby.

91. It is an ugly thing when I am on gin, and so...

92. I'm glad you were there to help me. I really appreciate it.

93. Happy to help.

94. Now, Gamby, say it now. Now, Gamby, say it.

95. - End of the... End of the line... - So anyway, new rule.

96. If a student gets caught coming into the woods...

97. he gets one week in circle.

98. - Yeah, but like I was saying, it's the end of... - We could also put security cameras out here.

99. - End of the line, slut. Slut. - I'm sor...? Huh?

100. I'm sorry, I keep interrupting you. What are you trying to say?

101. He said, "End of the line, slut."

102. This whole drug thing? That was just a ruse. This right here... Right here.

103. Right...

104. This right here.

105. This is why we brought you here.

106. Oh, Lord.

107. Oh...?

108. What...? What the hell is this, some Photoshops?

109. This is you, bitch, drunk on gin.

110. I'm peeing on your car!

111. Fuck, yeah!

112. - What the hell y'all playing at here? - Your funeral, that's what.

113. Consider this the last nail in your coffin, our boot to your ass.

114. Your career as principal of North Jackson High School is officially over.

115. We won, bitch. We fucked you up.

116. I fucking spit in your coffee. I stuck my foot through your favorite painting.

117. We fucking burned your fucking house down.

118. - I showed pornos... - You burned my house down?

119. Oh, goddamn it, Russell.

120. - You little fucker, I'll kill you. - No, no. No.

121. - You out of your goddamn mind. - Gamby.

122. - Who the fuck now? - Belinda. Belinda.

123. - Belinda. - Get off of me.

124. Belinda. Unh!

125. - Call me a bitch? I'll show you a bitch! - Belinda! Don't do this.

126. Get your bitch-ass off of me!

127. Now back up. Belinda. It doesn't have to be like this, okay?

128. - There's no reason to get out of line here. - Oh, you out of line, motherfucker.

129. - Don't do it. Don't... Don't... Belinda, don't do it. - Don't tell me what the fuck I need to do.

130. Okay, you got me. Even-Stephens. We're square.

131. Motherfucking square, you burned my house down.

132. Okay, woman, I don't wanna do this, do you understand me?

133. But you're not leaving me much choice.

134. Yeah, motherfucker, come on.

135. Okay? Okay?

136. Enough's enough, okay? We good?

137. Oh, shit.

138. Okay! Get off me!

139. Freeze! You fucking creature!

140. I got your shit, synced to all my devices.

141. You about to go viral on Web 2.0.

142. No. You cannot.

143. The fuck I can.

144. Or you can resign, and we can keep this our dirty little secret.

145. Fuck!

146. Fuck!

147. Fuck.

148. Fuck.

149. You don't have to cry. You...

150. Why y'all doing this to me?

151. Because we want your job, bitch. Why you think?

152. This isn't personal. This is business.

153. Now, you gonna quit or not?

154. Good.

155. I expect you to have your resignation on the superintendent's desk by tomorrow.

156. Or e-mail it. You know, whatever's easier.

157. Can you hand me my shoe?

158. This shoe?

159. Now go.

160. Go on.

161. Yup. Go. Make him trot.

162. Keep your leg on him.

163. Hey, man.

164. Hello, Ray.

165. Nice to see her out there riding again.

166. Yup. She's out there doing what she loves again.

167. Out of death's way.

168. No thanks to you.

169. I tried.

170. At least I tried, man.

171. It's just a drag sometimes, you know?

172. What's a drag?

173. Being second place to you with Janelle.

174. I love that girl, man.

175. It's a real drag.

176. And I'm sorry I came on so strong with the motocross. I...

177. I shouldn't have.

178. But I just wanted me and her to bond.

179. Truth be told, that's what it all boils down to.

180. You know, I'm jealous of you, man.

181. Jealous?

182. Okay. Continue.

183. You're Janelle's dad.

184. I'm just some dude who married her mom.

185. She'll always love you more.

186. Look at her. She looks like you. Got your last name...

187. got your blood coursing through her veins, man.

188. I can't compete with that.

189. I just wanted one thin slice of her that was mine. That's it.

190. I... I don't know. Maybe... Maybe I ain't expressing myself right.

191. It's hard to explain, you know?

192. Yeah, you are definitely babbling, not really connecting your thoughts together.

193. But, uh...

194. I think I understand what you're trying to say.

195. She's a strong-willed girl.

196. Maybe we were both foolish to think we could steer her through life.

197. Swift, you seen Dr. Brown this morning?

198. No, I haven't heard from her.

199. Actually, I haven't seen her since yesterday.

200. Should we be worried?

201. No, I'm sure everything's okay.

202. Oh, uh, Superintendent Haas called for you.

203. He said it's important.

204. Wonderful.

205. So she resigned as in she's never coming back to Jackson?

206. Yes, that's correct, Martin. Uh, Dr. Brown is gone for good.

207. She will never be back here again.

208. She left out of here like a thief in the middle of the night.

209. Now, we don't know if it's family problems. We don't know if it's legal issues.

210. It's probably more than likely substance abuse. We just... We have no idea.

211. Obviously, this woman had many dark secrets.

212. You know, unfortunate as it is, we were working with a complete and utter stranger.

213. Ladies. Girl people up there at the top. Please, yes, you.

214. Quiet down. I don't appreciate that.

215. I mean, this is crazy. I mean, right after her house burns down?

216. These two things have to be connected.

217. No, actually, they don't have to be connected. So that's dumb. Don't say that.

218. Would you stop trying to be Columbo? You don't know anything that's going on.

219. - This fucking guy. - This fucking guy.

220. Look, it's what Lee said.

221. It's, uh, substance abuse. In fact, I know that it's substance abuse, so...

222. Next question, please.

223. Does this mean that one of you is going to be taking over her job as principal?

224. A very good question, Ms. LeBlanc.

225. The truth is Superintendent Haas has asked Mr. Gamby and myself...

226. to come by his office later on today, so I expect that we will know more then.

227. What's important now is not who's gonna be the leader and who's not the leader.

228. What's important is to remain calm and maintain order.

229. Because if the students sense for a moment there's any turmoil...

230. - we'll have a full-on shit-show on our hands. - Yeah, that's true.

231. Bruce, don't be mad. This is no one's fault. Don't be mad at anybody.

232. And also I just have to point out Snodgrass is still talking.

233. And my mind is jumbled because I'm like, "Agh, will she ever stop talking?"

234. Ms. Snodgrass, can you please have some respect?

235. Just for the sake of everyone here.

236. Neal. Hey.

237. Neal. Neal. What the hell was that in there? You just gonna call me out like I'm a freshman?

238. Why are you being such a large asshole?

239. You said you wanted to chill out. I was giving you time to cool down.

240. - That's your version of cooling down? - I'm a cool breeze.

241. Unlike you, that can't return a phone call or text message.

242. Listen.

243. I'm sorry. I just needed some time to think.

244. When you got so mad about Bill Hayden, I just... I don't know.

245. Well, I do know. Because I've seen your true colors...

246. - and maybe what everyone's saying is true. - What is everybody saying?

247. That you and I aren't destined to be together, because you're just a teacher, my subordinate.

248. I'm a power player, moving up in the ranks, your mentor, supervisor, and boss.

249. Right now, I have to go to a meeting. Upper-brass-type stuff, you wouldn't get.

250. See you, teach.

251. Get to class.

252. Well, here we are, Gamby.

253. The moment we've been waiting for.

254. I can't shake this weird feeling that Brown is hiding behind a corner waiting to strike.

255. - I thought she'd go out with more of a bang. - What choice does she have?

256. The video would go viral so fast, it'd be a fucking fatality move.

257. Bitch high-tailed it out of town as fast as she could.

258. Now it comes down to you or I.

259. Yes, it does.

260. Lee, I want you to know that no matter what they decide in here...

261. I'm gonna be okay. Even if it's you.

262. I think you'd make a damn good principal.

263. You really think so?

264. I didn't always, but everything we've been through, yeah.

265. I think you got what it takes.

266. Gamby, that really means a lot to me.

267. You know, I'll never forget my very first day at North Jackson High School.

268. I was introduced to you by Welles...

269. and you had cafeteria food all over your suit from a food fight you'd broken up.

270. And you said to me, "The job is fruitless, but I get it done."

271. And I thought, "What a fucking dumb-ass."

272. But I must admit, Neal...

273. no matter how fruitless or fucked-up the situation is...

274. you get the job done.

275. I was wrong about you, friend.

276. It's been a pleasure.

277. Phew. Let's do it.

278. Two principals gone in one year.

279. It's unbelievable.

280. Well, these things happen sometimes, sir.

281. No, they don't. This has never happened before. That's my whole point.

282. Well, I guess, Belinda Brown just wasn't the right person for the job, unfortunately.

283. I should've known something was off when those textbooks went missing.

284. Big red flag like that and I missed it. Guess who looks like a horse's ass now?

285. Oh, no, no. You don't look like a horse's ass at all.

286. You know what they say about the past. You shouldn't live in it.

287. - Gotta focus on the future. - Exactly.

288. I'm gonna be relying on the two of you to help get us through this.

289. - Anything that we can do to help, Jeremy. - North Jackson needs both of you.

290. That's why I'm asking you to serve as co-interim principals.

291. Share the office while we sort this whole mess out.

292. That all right? Can you handle that?

293. So you're saying that we're both principals?

294. Well, yeah. I mean, is that gonna be a problem?

295. Oh, absolutely not, sir. No. That's no... There's no problem there whatsoever.

296. Are we allowed to say that we're principals instead of co-interim principals?

297. Just when we're talking to our friends or family.

298. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, Yeah, whatever. Sure.

299. Yeah, for now.

300. Been a dark year for North Jackson High School.

301. A dark year. Like, storm clouds gathering. It's been, whoo, crazy dark.

302. I hated this year. It sucked.

303. - Surprise! - Goddamn it!

304. - Whoa, Neal. - Fuck, Ray.

305. Uh-oh, bad news again?

306. No, sweetheart. No bad news.

307. Such good news, in fact, that I can overlook Ray's idiocy.

308. The title is official.

309. Principal Neal Gamby.

310. - Oh, my God. That's amazing. - Great, great.

311. - That's great. - Hey. You worked hard, you deserve it.

312. And I made you a little something in my shop.

313. You made this?

314. For you. Since you're principal.

315. Wow, it's got my name on it and everything.

316. I mean, I'm not really sure how I will use this as principal...

317. but I appreciate it.

318. But seriously, congratulations on the job, you know.

319. I'm just... I'm really glad that it worked out for you this time.

320. You know what? Tonight, I will accept that backhanded compliment, Gale.

321. Means a lot. Thank you.

322. - You're welcome. - "You're welcome." You know what?

323. I could open you up with this. But I'm not, because I'm a principal now.

324. Janelle, I have a present for you too.

325. I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but since you guys are here, why not now?

326. Follow me to the garage.

327. - What's this? - What do you think it is?

328. - It's your new bike. - Wait, what?

329. - For me? - For you.

330. Even though I know it'll push you back in the arms of Ray...

331. and it makes me shake my head...

332. I want you to pursue your dreams.

333. Just gonna stand there or you gonna ride it? You allowed without a helmet?

334. - She has to wear a helmet. - Listen to your mom.

335. You have to wear a helmet.

336. Oh, my God, they updated it.

337. They updated it.

338. Oh, they picked the worst picture of me. I look all bloated like Gamby.

339. - Look at my double chin. - Stop it. You look fine.

340. Be happy.

341. I am happy, Christine.

342. I'm over the moon.

343. Where's Mi-Cha? I wanna shove this in her face.

344. - I already told her the good news. - Did she lose her shit?

345. She didn't say anything. Went in her room, shut the door. Been there all day.

346. Love it.

347. That feels good.

348. Thus begins a new age for North Jackson High...

349. one of peace and prosperity...

350. one that history will look back upon with reverence.

351. Yes, it will.

352. But I gotta say, Gamby.

353. None of this would be possible without some of the evil shit you pulled.

354. You are a true black heart, my friend.

355. - It was a group effort. I didn't do everything. - Yeah, but you did a lot.

356. You did some low-down dirty moves.

357. Vandalizing the school, burning her house down.

358. - Not just me. - Bonding with her as a single parent.

359. Finding out that gin was her weakness and using that gin against her.

360. Fucking bravo, Gamby.

361. Your tone is actually making me feel weird about things.

362. - I didn't do anything worse than what you did. - I'm just saying you fucked her up real good.

363. - Why don't you take a compliment? - It's a compliment you and I both should take.

364. Fine. Whatever.

365. Well, take it. Don't act like I'm the one who did all the stuff. You did too.

366. Okay. You ready to remind this school what the fuck it means to be a warrior?

367. I was born ready.

368. I pledge allegiance to the flag...

369. That's my dog!

370. Chocolate-chip pancakes.

371. Oh, shit.

372. Awesome. So interesting. So smart. So...

373. Sorry to interrupt.

374. I would like a moment alone with your, uh, teacher, if I may.

375. We'll pick this up though, guys, okay?

376. I heard the news. Congratulations.

377. Yeah, it's a pretty big responsibility, but it's also an honor.

378. I'm really happy for you.

379. Amanda, I just wanted to say I'm sorry...

380. for the stuff I said to you about you being less than me...

381. us coming from different worlds...

382. - you being loose. - Loose?

383. I just said that stuff because I was jealous.

384. I was insanely jealous that a guy like Bill Hayden got to be with you.

385. Got to kiss you and hold you and lay naked next to you.

386. - Probably fondle and suck up on your t... - Okay. Yup. I get it.

387. Neal, you were jealous. Okay.

388. I know that I'm not an easy person to be around.

389. I have my fair share of issues, but I'm working on it.

390. I'm trying to be better.

391. Well, you come off as a blowhard.

392. That's what everybody sees.

393. Except me. I've seen a different you.

394. I saw someone that I might even like to be with.

395. But now I'm confused. I don't know, was that a fluke moment...

396. or was that the real you? I...

397. Amanda, that wasn't a fluke.

398. That was me. The real me.

399. And if you'll just give me another shot, I promise, I'll show you that side all the time.

400. I just wanna be with you.

401. And as principal, I'll guarantee that you never have to work seventh period ever again.

402. Keeping track of vacation days and sick days, that will no longer be an issue.

403. And when it comes time for you to submit your budgets...

404. they'll always be approved.

405. - I'll even fire Bill Hayden. - Ha-ha-ha.

406. I'm just kidding. I won't fire Bill Hayden. I just said that just because.

407. - I'm over it. I'm not jealous. - You should fire him, though.

408. Okay, well, good, because I wanted to.

409. Fuck Bill Hayden. He's a history teacher, and now he's history.

410. Oh, Neal.

411. - Oh, Mr. Gamby, there you are. - Goddamn it, Swift.

412. I'm... I'm... I'm very sorry, but it's an emergency. You need to come.

413. - An emergency? - Yeah, it's pretty bad, so...

414. - I'll be right back. - Okay.

415. - Okay. - This better be good, Swift.

416. - My car. - I... I told you it was bad.

417. What the fuck are you doing, Swift? Call 911.

418. - Okay, okay. - Oh, shit.

419. Russell to the faculty parking lot.

420. - I'm busy, Gamby. - Our cars are on fire.

421. - What? - She got us. The bitch fucking got us.

422. Jesus Christ.

423. Shit. Fuck.

424. Nice try, buddy.

425. Go inside and get some help.

426. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa!