1. Todd Frechette, why are you here?
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2. - I'm going to school.
- It's teachers' workday.
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3. We did announcements about it
every day this week. Go home.
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4. - My mom's not home, and the door's locked.
- Okay, then go bowling.
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5. Or go play stupid video games,
or go masturbate in your car.
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6. Or whatever it is teenage boys do.
You can't be here.
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7. No, no, no, not... Ah, ah, ah.
Go home. Go home.
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8. Open this door, open the next door,
open the door after that.
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9. - But...
- Keep walking.
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10. - I'm walking.
- We need a day without children.
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11. - Please.
- Okay!
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12. - For the adults, please.
- All right.
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13. - Hey, Ray. Janelle here?
- Yeah. She's getting ready for her travel race.
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14. - Come in.
- It's better if I stay out here.
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15. Okay.
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16. Nelle.
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17. Dad?
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18. Hey.
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19. - You look good.
- Thanks.
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20. I just stopped by to drop off some things
that you left at my place.
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21. This macaroni bracelet you made.
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22. A sonogram of you as an embryo.
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23. This decorative ashtray.
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24. It's a key bowl.
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25. Well, whatever it is,
this stuff is too painful to look at.
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26. Perhaps Ray will appreciate them.
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27. Dad, all I did was ask you
not to come to motocross anymore.
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28. - You're making a huge deal out of it.
- No, you're making a big deal out of it.
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29. You yelled at me in front of everyone.
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30. You know what? I'm gonna go.
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31. I don't wanna get too emotional
and say something I'll regret.
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32. I understand you have a race today.
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33. I'd like it if you'd give me a call,
let me know how you did...
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34. track conditions.
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35. I believe you owe me that much.
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36. Have a nice life.
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37. Hello, faculty and staff.
Welcome to teacher workday.
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38. - Now...
- Yay!
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39. Belinda Brown. Y'all raise it up.
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40. All right, Mr. Russell.
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41. I know we've had some squabbles recently,
and if my teachers aren't feeling good...
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42. that means I've messed up
somewhere along the way.
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43. So I'd like for us all to come together
for some teamwork exercises.
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44. We're all gonna meet in the gym and we're
gonna have some good old-fashioned fun.
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45. Heh-heh-heh.
And after that, a catered lunch...
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46. from Pogo's Tacos.
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47. Oh, yay, I love tacos.
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48. - Yay!
- Yeah. Yeah!
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49. Save a taco for me, okay? Heh-heh.
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50. Dr. B? Java, java, java.
Who wants some?
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51. Already got one.
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52. Oh, Mr. Gamby, I'd like you to compile
a structural-leakage report today.
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53. And I want you to take Miss Swift.
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54. You need to do a walkabout,
check all the rooms and the roof.
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55. Fuck this day. Come on, Swift.
Move your ass. Let's go.
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56. What is wrong with him?
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57. Oh, I don't know.
Probably some stupid sports thing.
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58. Hey, I'm... I'm really looking forward to
me and you getting to have some fun times.
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59. Are we just gonna eat and be bad all day?
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60. I have something else in mind for you.
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61. Mr. Russell, these are my sons,
Luke and Mario.
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62. What strong genes.
One of them looks like Will Smith...
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63. and the other one, he, uh...
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64. - Well, I bet he's real nice.
- You're gonna get to know them today, okay?
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65. I need you to stay in here all day
and keep your eyes on these two.
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66. Excuse me? You want me to watch
your kids the entire day? Well, what...?
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67. I don't think that this falls
under my job description.
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68. Well, it does today, Mr. Russell.
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69. And you're gonna be just fine.
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70. Keep them in this room
and do not let them out of your sight.
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71. Y'all have fun now.
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72. - Bye, Mama.
- I need to...
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73. Belinda? Uh, Dr. Brown?
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74. - I just...
- Hey, you smoke weed?
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75. All right, Swift. Looks like we
got two tiles, mild water damage.
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76. Write that down.
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77. Next room.
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78. Knew it. This pipe is leaking. Mark it.
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79. Looks like we got another hole in the dyke.
Mark it, Swift.
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80. Damaged tile, Swift.
Don't look at me weird.
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81. - I didn't know what that meant.
- Are you sure?
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82. - I... What...?
- You are.
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83. I'm just kidding. A dyke holds back water.
And this looks like one broke, so...
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84. Come on, Swift. Get in closer, look at it.
Is it buckling?
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85. - Maybe?
- Do you wanna speak a language...
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86. - or you just wanna moan and groan?
- I can't really tell.
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87. Is it damaged or not? Enough of the noises.
I don't like the grunting.
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88. It's making me uncomfortable.
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89. Get down right now. Come on. There's a
water-filtration problem on Hall D.
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90. Check it out. Turn my flashlight off.
You're wasting the batteries.
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91. You're doing work on teacher workday?
What a loser.
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92. I hate today. There's no kids here to bust.
What the hell am I doing here? It sucks.
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93. Are you doing okay?
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94. Fine. I've gotten over my daughter.
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95. - "Over her"?
- Yes, I've moved on.
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96. - Okay.
- Ray won her. So conversation over.
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97. Well, uh, they say that food is good
for the soul. And I am starving.
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98. Do you wanna whip me up some breakfast?
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99. I mean, the kitchen's all locked up.
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100. - The big door's shut.
- Then what are these for?
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101. - Hmm?
- Ow!
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102. Sorry.
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103. You are in for a treat today.
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104. Got my famous Gamby breakfast scramble
going here.
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105. My daughter loves this.
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106. Well, loved it.
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107. She's not gonna be getting
too much of this anymore.
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108. Too bad, so sad.
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109. I wanna help.
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110. - You wanna help?
- Yeah.
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111. - Okay.
- Show me.
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112. - There's not really much to do. So just...
- Take the handle?
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113. - Yeah, move the whisk around.
- Okay.
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114. - Keep it slow and even...
- Like that?
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115. Just so it doesn't stick
to the bottom of the frying pan.
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116. - Okay.
- Yeah, just...
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117. Oh. Look. It's, uh, sticking here.
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118. - Let it get away from us there for a moment.
- Yeah.
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119. You wanna get the plates
for us to eat it on?
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120. Yes. Okay.
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121. Oh, fuck.
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122. Well, that was good.
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123. Yeah, I'm pretty stuffed.
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124. I guess I'll see you
at the team-building thing, huh?
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125. - Okay. Yeah. See you.
- Yeah.
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126. - I'll take it. Yeah, okay.
- Heh-heh.
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127. - Yeah, bye.
- Cool.
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128. Large black male.
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129. No. No, sir.
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130. Hands out of that vending machine
right now. Drop the snacks right there.
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131. Who the hell are you?
What are you doing here?
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132. Shit. Shit. Get back here!
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133. Come back here!
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134. Son of a bitch.
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135. - Submit to me. Submit to me.
- Okay!
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136. - Who are you?
- Okay, man!
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137. What are you doing here, huh?
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138. Dascious?
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139. - You know this man, Dr. Brown?
- I'm her husband, man.
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140. - Ex-husband.
- Maybe so, but I ain't an ex-father.
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141. I got a right to see my boys.
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142. I caught him trespassing,
stealing food out of the machines.
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143. They was hanging down cookies.
They was paid for already.
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144. Exactly why I had to leave your behind.
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145. - You're just a bad influence.
- They're my boys too.
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146. You can't keep me
from hugging my own sons.
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147. Please, Belinda, I need them.
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148. Mr. Gamby, take this broke-ass motherfucker
out to the street.
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149. - You heard her. Let's go. Come on.
- Okay. "Broke-ass motherfucker."
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150. - I want to see my damn boys.
- Get out of here!
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151. Look at his jeans.
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152. Uh, yes, look at my jeans.
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153. You wish you could afford them.
They're 7 For All Mankind.
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154. So why you gay?
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155. I'm not.
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156. - Ha-ha.
- Oh, okay.
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157. Well, look at this.
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158. That's a picture of me and my wife
on a picnic yesterday.
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159. - Blue skies.
- She Chinese.
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160. - She's Korean.
- I wanna be a famous singer.
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161. - You're not leaving this room.
- Kids.
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162. You're not leaving this room.
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163. Hey, hey, hey, stop. Give me that.
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164. - Give that to me.
- Clap your hands
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165. - Give it to me. Stop. Stop that.
- Stomp your feet, make your body heat
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166. - Give that to me.
- Girl, I wanna get you to your knees
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167. I see you peeping, girl
You want a taste of this
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168. I'm gonna rock your world...
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169. Oh, that's my son, man.
See, that's what I mean. That's my son.
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170. - Go, go, go!
- Come on, man! That's my son!
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171. Give it to me.
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172. - Just give it to me. God!
- Your body heat
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173. - Just... Just...
- What the hell?
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174. You call your daddy? Huh?
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175. You call him again,
I'm gonna beat both y'all asses.
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176. Belinda? Can I just have a word with you?
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177. But I have to ask. I'm really detecting
all these very aggressive vibes from you.
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178. I told you to keep them in that office
for a reason.
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179. Now, if I find them out of that office again,
you might find yourself out of this office.
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180. And what the hell you grinning about?
Take your ass back in that office.
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181. Only "nut" you know about is Planters.
Coming in here, you talking crazy.
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182. In a moment, I'll pass out these cards.
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183. Place the card upon your forehead...
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184. and then ask your partner
yes-or-no questions only...
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185. to try to guess the occupation.
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186. This is about improving
our communications skills.
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187. Now, partner up.
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188. All right, here we go.
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189. Dibs on Gamby. Heh-heh!
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190. Actually, I was gonna be partners
with Miss Snodgrass.
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191. Too late. Got your hand.
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192. Stop.
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193. Is it a stressful job?
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194. It's definitely the
hardest job in the world.
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195. Uh, wardrobe mistress
for Kinky Boots on Broadway.
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196. - Do I work long hours?
- You're obsessed with your job.
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197. Okay.
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198. What's going on with you and Gamby?
You guys aren't a thing, right?
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199. - It's none of your business.
- Seriously? Neal Gamby?
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200. So, heh...
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201. - Is Amanda your girlfriend now or...?
- Why don't you just butt out?
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202. - I'm just wondering if your binder worked.
- I told you not to say anything about that.
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203. - Mind your own business.
- Do you wanna cheat on her?
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204. Can we just play the game?
Can we play the stupid game?
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205. Uh... Heh-heh.
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206. - Do people wanna see me?
- Heh-heh.
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207. - A chef?
- No.
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208. - Astronaut?
- No.
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209. - Nanny?
- Why have you shut me out?
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210. - Traffic warden?
- Am I helping people in some way?
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211. No. You're a greedy jerk.
You only care about yourself.
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212. - You like it when I fuck you?
- That's not anything...
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213. This is about this job. I'm asking,
do you like when this person fucks you?
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214. I'm not talking about this anymore.
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215. - Am I making enough to support my family?
- Yes.
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216. But you feel empty inside,
like your life's work is meaningless.
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217. What the fuck you say?
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218. Excuse me.
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219. - Is my job someone who cares about you?
- No.
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220. - Did you ever have feelings for this job?
- No.
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221. - Wife?
- No way in hell is it a wife.
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222. - Lover?
- Nope. Nothing.
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223. Best friend?
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224. You're a truck driver.
You're a dirty truck driver.
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225. Don't spin him. What are you doing?
Don't spin him. Stop.
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226. You're gonna be drunk.
You're gonna get out of this and throw up.
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227. Will you please just stop it?
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228. - How are things going with Mario and Luigi?
- It fucking sucks, is how it's going.
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229. But that's okay.
I'm gonna turn it into a positive.
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230. I'm gonna ply their minds
for information about Big Mama.
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231. The ultimate betrayal.
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232. Why do you keep checking your phone?
Ain't nobody fucking calling you.
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233. Checking if my daughter texted me
about her race, but she didn't.
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234. She doesn't care about me anymore.
I just hate teacher workdays.
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235. I get emotionally fucked up in my head.
There's nobody here except for the teachers.
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236. Feel like they're looking at me
like they're better than me.
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237. Especially Abbot and Hayden.
They do it the most.
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238. Hayden? That recycling cunt?
He wears clothes from Structure.
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239. And Abbot's just a bipolar bitch.
Fuck them.
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240. I wish I could. Those were good insults.
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241. I can't come up with stuff like that.
That's not my forte.
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242. Want the easiest way to go?
For the throat, just like this?
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243. - What?
- Look for the face.
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244. "Hey, you got fat-ass fucking ears."
"Hey, look at your dumb-ass nose."
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245. Or in your case, a fucking mustache.
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246. Sometimes I go with you
with the mustache. It's all here.
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247. Yeah, just don't do that thing where
you repeat a person's insult back at them.
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248. - That's the worst. You do it all the time.
- You do it.
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249. Like that. That's what you just did.
Don't be that person.
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250. Don't be you, Gamby.
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251. Got it.
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252. Hey, Neal, you wanna come sit next to me?
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253. Yeah.
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254. Thanks for saving me a seat
at the cool kids' table, huh? Heh-heh.
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255. - Amanda, why don't you just sit in his lap?
- Don't be a dick, Bill.
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256. I'm a dick? Because as I recall,
I read your book and did edits on it.
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257. - So I guess that makes me a dick now.
- Book?
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258. - Don't... No.
- Amanda wrote a kids' book.
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259. No, I wrote a YA novel,
not a kids' book, actually.
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260. - Cool.
- Yeah.
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261. It's called Cassiopeia Falling, or some
shit. It's about a dude that fucks dragons.
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262. - What?
- Ha-ha.
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263. I'll be skipping that one. Heh-heh.
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264. What's so funny about that?
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265. You don't know what the story's about. Maybe
it's not crazy. Maybe it's a cool story.
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266. A guy who fucks dragons?
It's more like bestiality.
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267. Looks like something you're into
with that shirt.
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268. How many fucking zebras
did you have to fuck to get that on?
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269. For your information, I got this at
Nordstrom. I didn't fuck zebras.
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270. - Pfft. Nordstrom Rack.
- No, real Nordstrom.
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271. I've always imagined what a horse would
look like when it talks. Now I know.
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272. Stop trying to bully Miss Snodgrass.
She wrote a book. That's pretty cool.
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273. - It's probably more than you've done.
- We're just having a good time.
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274. It was mean, Bill.
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275. Don't let these idiots get into your head.
All right? Both these two fuckers.
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276. Hold up for a second.
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277. Hello? Janelle?
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278. - Hello?
- Neal?
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279. Sorry, I have Janelle's phone.
I must have butt-dialed you on accident.
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280. - Are you guys at the race?
- Yes. Janelle made the final heat.
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281. Big whoop. You just called
to make me sad, but guess what.
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282. Fuck you. I'm not sad. It's the
best teacher workday I've ever had.
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283. Everyone's laughing at my jokes.
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284. - So there. Enough.
- Okay, listen, Neal. I gotta...
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285. If you'll excuse me.
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286. Neal.
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287. - Awkward.
- Shut up, horse face.
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288. - Dr. Brown?
- Hello, Mr. Gamby.
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289. - Did you follow me here?
- No, I was just doing a patrol of...
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290. I just needed a place to think.
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291. Looks like this is where the kids come
to smoke. Figures.
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292. I couldn't control my own family.
Why would I be able to control my school?
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293. Are you upset about
that, uh, black gentleman?
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294. He's a lying, cheating piece of shit.
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295. Never should have married that man.
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296. What happened with you two?
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297. I caught his ass butt-naked in the bed
with a dancer from Club Risqué.
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298. My son saw the whole thing.
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299. Their daddy pulling out
of this nasty-ass ho.
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300. Dick all big and wet...
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301. like a damn French dip sandwich.
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302. I knew I had to get my
boys out of that town.
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303. But he just won't quit trying
to get his kids back.
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304. Well, that, that I can understand.
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305. - Oh, you defending his lying ass now?
- No, I'm not.
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306. I'm... I'm just speaking
from personal experience.
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307. Ah. I lost a child of my own.
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308. Mr. Gamby. I'm so sorry,
I didn't know that.
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309. My daughter, she, uh...
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310. She recently had enough of me...
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311. and decided that she would swap me out
for a dad that she likes better.
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312. I try to put on a tough exterior...
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313. but all I can do is just think about her
and how she doesn't love me anymore.
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314. - I am so sorry, Mr. Gamby.
- It's all right. It's not your fault.
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315. You know, you got your boys.
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316. So compared to Dascious,
you didn't do too bad.
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317. I appreciate you saying that.
I'm there for you. Okay?
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318. Y'all ever seen real pussies before?
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319. Mm-hm.
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320. Oh.
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321. Mmm.
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322. Not so gay now, am I?
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323. This will be our little secret.
Y'all know how to keep secrets, right?
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324. Yeah.
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325. Good.
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326. Good. Me too. I know how to keep secrets,
all kinds of secrets. Dark secrets.
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327. Maybe there's some secrets
y'all want to share with me.
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328. - Like what?
- Oh, I don't know.
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329. Like, what's Mama like at home?
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330. Does she ever do any fucked-up shit...
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331. - or anything at home, maybe sometimes?
- She fucked Luke.
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332. Really? Are you serious?
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333. She fucked us both.
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334. Tell me everything.
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335. I need to know every single thing
that has happened to you two.
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336. Can we go to the vending machine
and get snacks first?
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337. Well, I'm really not supposed
to let you leave this room.
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338. But I will go get you whatever you want...
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339. as long as when I come back, you tell
me all of your dirty little secrets.
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340. - Deal.
- Deal.
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341. - Hey.
- Oh, Miss Snodgrass.
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342. Heading to the closing ceremony?
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343. Yep. Are you okay?
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344. - You ran off.
- Yeah, I'm fine.
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345. The real question is, are you okay?
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346. Hayden came at you pretty hard.
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347. - He's an asshole.
- His opinions are pretty stupid too.
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348. - I mean, I for one would love to read your book.
- No, you don't. It sucks.
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349. You let Hayden read it,
and you won't let me?
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350. I write two memos a day
and he teaches history.
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351. Now I know you're crazy.
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352. - Goddamn it.
- What are you doing here?
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353. - You know Brown doesn't wanna see you.
- I know, I know, but... You seen a little wallet?
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354. - No, I haven't seen a wallet.
- I must have lost it while you was chasing me.
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355. All right. Here it is. Right here!
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356. Okay, snack attack. Who's hungry?
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357. Get back here!
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358. Oh, shit.
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359. Get back here!
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360. Ha!
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361. Oh, sick. Check this shit out.
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362. Back here again.
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363. - Get back here!
- Oh, shit.
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364. See, we should definitely be high
while doing this shit.
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365. Oh, shit, don't move.
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366. - Fuck you, man.
- The auditorium.
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367. - What? Oh, God.
- Go.
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368. Teaching can feel like a solo job...
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369. because it's just you in the classroom,
holding it down.
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370. - But we can use teamwork...
- Hey! Stop the proceedings.
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371. Dascious? Get the fuck out of there!
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372. - Dascious is here, into the school.
- Just let me say one thing.
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373. Um...
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374. Belinda, I know...
I know that I fucked up in the past.
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375. Bad.
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376. Fact is...
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377. I failed you as a husband...
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378. and for that, I'm sorry.
I'll never forgive myself.
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379. But, please...
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380. please, don't let me fail my boys.
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381. Oh, real nice!
Getting high on school grounds.
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382. Only reason I'm not expelling you...
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383. is because you don't go to school here.
You lied to me.
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384. Now, let's go.
Come down right this second.
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385. We'll come down if you smoke this.
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386. Come on.
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387. - Come on, come on.
- Ungh!
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388. Throw... Just... Will you throw
it down, please? Throw it down.
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389. Okay, I'm high now.
Does that make you feel good?
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390. Now come down. Your mom's
gonna be in her office at any minute.
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391. A hundred dollars.
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392. - Eight dollars.
- A hundred.
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393. I'll give you $16 and that's it.
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394. One hundred dollars.
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395. Okay, 19.50,
and that's my last and final offer ever.
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396. A hundred dollars. I'm still thinking $100.
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397. - Fuck!
- Heh-heh-heh.
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398. I wanna believe you, I do.
But those boys can't unsee what they saw.
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399. - They saw his dick.
- You remember how they cried?
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400. But I know a man needs his kids.
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401. And I suppose they need you too.
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402. You cannot come back and live with us...
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403. but I can't control
who stays at the Aristocrat Inn.
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404. You for real?
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405. I am.
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406. Now, fool, get out of that booth
so we can go get our boys.
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407. Why don't they get them?
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408. Lee, you better get
those kids wrangled up.
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409. Mama Bear is on her way back.
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410. - Fuck. Right now?
- Yes, now. Where are you?
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411. - Move, move. Faster than that. Let's go.
- I'm coming. Damn.
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412. - What are you doing?
- I'm high as a motherfucker.
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413. Your mother is on her way
back to the office right now.
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414. And if we're not in that office
when she gets there...
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415. she'll beat all of our asses black.
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416. - So move! Get up.
- Shit, come on.
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417. Big Mama's coming!
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418. - Okay, all right.
- Good to see you too.
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419. - We can hold hands or something.
- No.
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420. Hold on, I need a little refreshment.
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421. Mmm.
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422. She's gonna kill us.
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423. Oh, shit. Refreshing as hell.
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424. Whew! Heh.
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425. Had to come up for air. Heh.
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426. - Actually, you know...
- This way.
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427. We never showed Dascious the music hall.
Maybe he wants to see it.
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428. No, we can skip that. Dascious?
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429. Go. What are you waiting for? Go! Fly!
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430. This way, you stupid piece of shit.
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431. Faster. God, you're going
on a diet after this.
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432. "And at that very moment,
Pinocchio awoke...
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433. and opened wide his eyes."
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434. - Boys?
- Oh, hey, B.
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435. Someone's here to see you.
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436. Boys, you got a hug for your daddy?
Come here!
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437. Hey! Ha-ha-ha.
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438. Let me look at you.
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439. I really appreciated our talk.
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440. Yeah, me too.
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441. How you doing? You tall. Oh, my God.
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442. Hold up, Russell.
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443. - How'd it go?
- Good.
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444. No problems whatsoever.
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445. Your boys, they're a dream.
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446. You're a lying sack of shit.
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447. - Come on, come on. Mwah!
- Thank you, baby. Mwah!
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448. Oh! Here you are.
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449. - I've been looking all over for you.
- Oh, hey.
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450. Yeah, I was just up here
finishing up this shit.
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451. - What's that?
- It's my book.
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452. I thought maybe you could read it.
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453. Yeah, I'd love to. I'm flattered.
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454. It's still really rough.
I mean, all the stuff with King Olgar...
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455. and Favian the Huntsman
needs to be fleshed out better.
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456. - But I think you might like Bluffin the Wizard.
- Bluffin the Wizard? Sounds fascinating.
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457. I'm a slow reader,
so if this takes me a while to read it...
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458. - I hope you don't get offended.
- No. Take your time. No rush.
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459. Yeah.
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460. On a personal note...
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461. I just want you to know that I...
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462. I just think that you're a multi-talented,
very terrific...
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463. - I'm gonna put your book down, okay?
- Oh. Yeah.
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464. Look at this fuck machine, all smiling.
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465. Yeah, did me good.
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466. This wasn't a bad teacher workday
after all, was it?
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467. - Nope.
- Hold up. This bitch.
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468. Yo, Gale, you can save your butt dials
for someone else.
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469. I just did it with the hottest teacher in
school and I'm totally over my daughter.
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470. Neal, stop. We're... Janelle's been
in an accident. We're at the hospital.
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471. What? Is she okay?
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472. She's okay, she just... She needs you.
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473. - She just keeps calling out for you.
- She needs me?
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474. Gamby?
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475. Gamby!
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476. What the fuck, Gamby?
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477. Man, she came in hot on the third...
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478. - Daddy?
- Baby, it's okay. It's okay.
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479. I'm here. I'm here, baby.
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