1. Previously on Velma...
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2. I like you.
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3. That's hilarious.
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4. Wait. Norville.
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5. Your joke worked, you genius!
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6. Keep making me laugh.
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7. No, Velma, wait!
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8. I'm here because I want you.
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9. That book you gave me
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10. opened my eyes
to your inner beauty.
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11. Hey, watch where you're going.
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12. Gigi?
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13. Hi.
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14. Norville,
I've definitely
been here before.
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15. I feel like
all the answers to my questions
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16. about my parents are in there.
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17. The bathrooms?
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18. Wait. I mean in there.
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19. Okay,
so you know that thing
when you text your friends
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20. and they don't text you back,
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21. so it feels like
you're gonna die?
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22. Well, if my friend
didn't text me back,
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23. I actually was going to die.
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24. Because Norville
was ghosting me,
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25. and my hallucinations
had gotten so bad,
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26. I couldn't even look
at my murder board
without having one.
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27. Sure, Daphne could have
helped me find my mom.
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28. But when I was with her...
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29. the only mystery
I wanted to solve
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30. was the case
of the missing inhibitions.
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31. Dad, I need a ride to school.
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32. Norville's MIA,
and my walking pace
attracts vultures.
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33. Sorry, no time.
Baby's coming home tomorrow
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34. so I need to clean...
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35. before heading
to the hospital
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36. for Sophie's
postpartum photoshoot
with the nursing staff.
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37. I'm gonna be there all night.
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38. Hold up.
You're leaving me home alone
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39. with a murderer on the loose?
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40. Even though I was voted
most likely to be murdered
before any of this?
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41. You won't be alone, Velma.
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42. You have
the marching band sleepover
in the school gym tonight.
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43. The marching band sleepover?
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44. Ugh, Norville really has
abandoned me
at my lowest moment.
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45. This sleepover's
gonna be so tight.
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46. Wait until you see
how much pizza I eat.
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47. I can eat three slices.
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48. Hey, sorry to interrupt,
but have you seen Norville?
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49. Tall, um...
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50. Blue eyes, maybe?
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51. Good morning, students.
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52. This is Principal Rogers.
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53. I'm here with Mayor Dave
and the Sheriff.
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54. Everybody, listen up!
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55. We just learned someone
somewhere is being intolerant.
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56. Jesus, Ed.
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57. Just say your thing
before they stop listening.
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58. Hello, students.
This is your cool mayor,
Mayor Dave.
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59. So, uh, since assigning
personal police details
to the hottest of you,
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60. we've been getting
a little push back
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61. on the police presence
in school.
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62. But fun twist!
It's from the police.
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63. Uh-oh!
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64. I just rear ended a cop.
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65. In fact, the officers on detail
have all resigned,
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66. citing unrelenting
sexual harassment.
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67. Now, in place of
the police details,
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68. we'll now be instituting
a citywide curfew
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69. at 9:00 p.m. tonight,
for everyone.
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70. You're caught outside,
you'll spend the night in jail.
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71. Be warned. Our deputy
is working on his stand up set.
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72. This also means
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73. several school events
will be canceled,
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74. - including...
- Band sleep over!
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75. the track meet...
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76. the Parent's Association's
Find the Asbestos
Service night
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77. and the marching band sleepover.
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78. Yes!
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79. Okay, baby Daphne.
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80. I'm going to the Crystal Mines,
and I'm not coming back
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81. until I figure out who I am
and where I come from.
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82. Or six. Our moms are home
by six, so I'll be back
before then.
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83. Sorry, sign, but hot people
are cut too much slack
to heed warnings.
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84. Ah, that's fine.
Bats are just flying rats.
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85. Ground bats, yuck!
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86. Oh, hey, Fred,
have you seen Norville?
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87. I need him
to help me investigate.
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88. No, but I have found a way
to make you like me.
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89. Check it out.
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90. And as if this isn't enough,
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91. I will also win your heart
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92. by proving
I am a helpful ally, sister.
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93. Look, I'm glad reading
The Feminine Mystique
caused a little growth.
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94. Shush, a feminist is speaking,
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95. and he listened to your theory
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96. about your mom
going missing at his house
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97. and actually found something.
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98. Wait, you did?
And this isn't just
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99. you thinking I'm related
to your nanny again, is it?
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100. No.
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101. There were some papers
in Father's special drawer,
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102. where he keeps his men's
work out magazines.
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103. Turns out,
our house used to be owned
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104. by a woman
named Dr. Edna Perdue,
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105. Dr. Edna Perdue
was a female neurologist.
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106. You don't need
to say female, Velma.
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107. You can just say neurologist.
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108. Ah! She died in
the Crystal Cove insane asylum,
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109. after conducting ethically
dubious experiments?
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110. Fred, your house
was owned by a mad scientist.
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111. Now I have to find Norville.
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112. Oh, he's probably
tangling retainers
with his girlfriend.
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113. Girlfriend?
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114. Norville!
You have a girlfriend?
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115. No.
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116. And your girlfriend is Gigi?
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117. Damn, this makes me think
I could bag Don Lemon.
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118. How did this happen?
I thought you were missing.
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119. It's all thanks to you, Velma.
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120. I always thought
I was just regular hot,
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121. but you gave me the confidence
to be artsy hot.
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122. So you're not mad, Velma?
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123. Sometimes it's unclear
until I'm sitting
on a thumb tack.
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124. Mad? No, I'm so excited.
Now you have Gigi
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125. to talk about boring stuff
like your swords and feelings.
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126. So, when we're together,
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127. we can focus solely
on finding my mom.
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128. - Speaking of, Fred's house—
- Stop, Velma.
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129. Look, Gigi and I have decided
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130. that maybe I should
spend less time with you.
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131. Less time?
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132. But I only see you
when I need you as is.
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133. Sorry, Velma.
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134. But until Norville learns
to stand up for himself,
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135. he's gonna do exactly as I say.
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136. I see.
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137. Fine, great.
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138. No sweat off my under boob.
It's not like I need him.
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139. Fred can help me
not hallucinate
by making me laugh.
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140. Velma, give me the chance
and I can help you
with anything.
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141. Uh, well, except
filling in your ethnicity
on a form.
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142. I'm guessing Samoan?
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143. Who... Who are you?
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144. We're your parents, Daphne.
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145. My parents?
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146. Why are you so hairy?
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147. Wait, are you Brooklyn guys?
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148. Oh, oh! Sorry.
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149. We should have explained
that these are costumes.
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150. We need to hide our identity
until we can trust you.
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151. Until you can trust me?
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152. I'm not the one
dressed like something
pulled out of the shower drain.
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153. Also, if you even
are my parents,
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154. you abandoned me.
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155. You weren't abandoned, Daphne.
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156. Your moms stole you from us.
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157. What? No, they didn't.
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158. They found me
wrapped in a blanket
in the middle of a cornfield.
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159. Uh, okay.
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160. But if you don't believe
we're your parents,
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161. look up the Crystal Mines gang
on Netscape Navigator.
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162. Netscape Navigator? Good Lord!
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163. How long have you been in here?
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164. Hello?
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165. Hello.
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166. Did you really
just do an Irish exit?
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167. Huh, maybe we are related.
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168. Remember, tonight's curfew
is at 9 p.m.,
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169. and The Bachelor's
brilliant finale is at 10:00.
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170. So, no messing around!
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171. So, we're going to
the Hysterical Society?
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172. Then why would you need my help
making you laugh?
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173. It's Historical Society.
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174. Places like this
helped Skip Gates
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175. learn which white actors are
descended from slave owners.
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176. If there's any record
of Dr. Perdue, it'll be here.
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177. So, you're friends
with our favorite docent, Norville.
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178. We're so happy he's found Gigi,
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179. especially after wasting years
pining for that bossy one.
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180. What was her name? Meatball?
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181. I actually heard
Meatball was really cool
and beautiful.
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182. Well, all we have
are Dr. Perdue's old journals.
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183. This is the one place she felt
no one would ever find them.
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184. 99.9% of our visitors are
people looking for a bathroom.
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185. Huh?
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186. The journals are missing.
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187. Well, the last person
to look at them was, uh...
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188. Diya Dinkley.
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189. What?
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190. My mom was researching
a mad scientist?
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191. And then disappeared
at her house? Why?
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192. Oh, God!
Fred, I'm hallucinating!
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193. Quick, make me laugh
like Norville would have.
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194. I would. But all I can
think of right now
is the gender pay gap.
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195. Is it funny?
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196. Women make 20% less than men.
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197. And women of color even less.
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198. I can't stop laughing.
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199. Ah, does anyone
have a defibrillator?
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200. Stop, you could lose a finger.
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201. And you helping me
isn't working.
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202. I need Norville back.
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203. I literally
just died without him.
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204. Well, almost died.
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205. Still, if I can separate
reality dating shows'
exploitation of women
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206. from my obsessive need
to watch them,
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207. I can separate
Gigi from Norville.
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208. I have no choice
but to lure him
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209. to the one place
no girlfriend would ever go.
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210. Oh, ooh! Let me guess.
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211. Cigar lounge.
His dad's woodshop.
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212. World War II museum?
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213. No. My dad and stepmom
are out of the house tonight,
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214. so I'm gonna host
a little get together.
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215. Looks like the marching band
sleepover just got uncanceled.
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216. May God have mercy on my soul.
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217. Okay, remember
to take your pill with food,
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218. and absolutely
no getting murdered
after curfew, young lady.
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219. Band members only. You got ID?
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220. Okay, listen up, nerds.
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221. We gotta keep it tidy.
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222. My dad's girlfriend
is a total OCD SOB.
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223. And she's bringing
a baby home tomorrow.
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224. So, if any of youse
need to empty your spit valves,
do it in this.
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225. Was there
anything else, Sophie?
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226. Uh, yeah, a lot, actually.
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227. Oh, right.
Don't break anything.
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228. Sophie will have a heart attack
and die.
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229. And then I'd have
to help with the baby
until we find a nanny.
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230. Velma!
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231. What was that?
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232. Nothing, bye.
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233. Fred, you're not
allowed in here.
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234. I know, I know.
I'm not in band.
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235. Thank God.
I'd rather kiss a toilet.
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236. But speaking
of kissing toilets,
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237. I still wanna win your heart
by helping you.
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238. Fred, I gave you a chance.
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239. I died— Hey, don't eat that!
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240. That's baking soda,
you filthy animal!
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241. But you don't have any food.
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242. And a marching band sleepover
without food
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243. is like a theater sleepover
without horny undertones.
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244. Crap! I forgot to order pizzas.
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245. On it.
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246. Your friends will remember this
as the best marching band
sleepover ever.
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247. Move it, loser.
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248. The Crystal Mines gang
was comprised
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249. of former employees
of the Crystal Mines
Mining Experience,
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250. who banded together
when the mines shuttered
in the early '90s.
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251. Mine's closed.
Everyone's fired.
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252. The gang of newly
unemployed workers
stayed behind,
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253. using the mine's old tour boats
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254. to travel beneath
the streets of Crystal Cove,
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255. conducting robberies
for years, undetected.
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256. By the time Detectives Linda
and Donna Blake
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257. brought the gang to justice,
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258. it had grown to 20 members,
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259. including one infant.
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260. Oh, my God!
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261. Genetically, I'm a villain.
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262. No wonder I'm attracted
to a girl who looks
like a little henchman.
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263. Why are you
dropping me off here?
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264. Velma's house is a block away.
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265. Oh, no, I don't want to be seen
near your band friends.
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266. As principal,
I have a reputation to uphold.
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267. You understand, right?
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268. Totally. I could stay home
for curfew if that's easier.
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269. Night to ourselves!
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270. Time to get freaky!
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271. Band members only, Red.
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272. But I need to talk to Velma.
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273. Hey, have you guys
never seen a girl before?
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274. You're pitching tents like
I'm launching a sneaker line.
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275. Daphne?
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276. Velma, I may have
found my real—
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277. You haven't seen Norville,
have you?
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278. He's like
the only dork in town,
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279. - not inside my house.
- No, but—
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280. Trumpet!
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281. Do not use that plunger
as a mute.
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282. That's how Ebola happened.
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283. Velma, wait.
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284. Norville!
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285. You're not gonna believe this,
but I may have found
my birth parents.
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286. No way. Tell me every detail.
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287. Sorry, I just need
to borrow this guy
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288. - for one second.
- Ah!
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289. Okay, Norville. I understand
that for some reason,
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290. you've chosen Gigi,
a beautiful girl who puts out,
over your angry friend.
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291. But I have a clue about my mom,
and I can't research it
without you.
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292. Please.
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293. Oh, I... I guess I can help
with one clue.
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294. Thank you.
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295. But make it fast.
It sounds like
Gigi just got here.
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296. Gigi?
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297. Stop.
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298. What the hell
are you doing here, Gigi?
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299. Hot girls aren't in band.
They're in choir.
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300. I know, but Norville made
band sound so fun,
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301. I didn't wanna miss out.
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302. So, one call to
the registrar and voila!
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303. It's pronounced viola,
you idiot,
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304. and that's an orchestra thing.
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305. I know that. And let me guess.
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306. You play bassoon.
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307. How dare you?
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308. I'm a flutatist.
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309. Interesting.
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310. So am I.
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311. So how about
we have a little flute-off?
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312. If I win, I stay.
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313. And if I win,
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314. Norville does
whatever I say, forever.
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315. And do I get to weigh in?
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316. No!
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317. Flute, flute, flute!
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318. Ah, so good, babe,
I support you.
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319. Everybody duck.
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320. There's about to be
a drive-by fluting.
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321. Should we stop them?
Devon just unplugged
his cochlear implants.
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322. We survived!
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323. - Was that jazz?
- Totally flute battle ever!
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324. Gigi wins!
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325. Hey.
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326. Just checking in on the pizza.
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327. Do we have an ETA
on when we can E-A-T?
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328. I do. In two seconds,
you're gonna eat my fist.
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329. But I need to take a pill
with food.
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330. - Me, too.
- Me, too.
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331. Me, too.
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332. I'm sorry. I hate to do this,
but I'm trying to impress
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333. a very smart,
very stout young woman.
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334. So, when I say
quadruple meat,
I mean quadruple meat.
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335. Make them again!
And untie those garlic knots.
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336. She likes breadsticks.
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337. Can I help you?
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338. Look, let's cut the crap.
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339. Norville was mine
way before he was yours.
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340. So I'm only gonna
say this once.
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341. Please, please,
please let Norville help me.
I need him.
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342. Please.
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343. Hey, Daph. Since curfew
has us stuck inside all night,
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344. you wanna set up
the old silk screener, huh?
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345. Maybe throw
some vacation photos
on the tote bag?
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346. Actually, I was hoping
we could talk about
the story of my adoption.
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347. What's to talk about?
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348. It's like we've always said.
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349. We found you wrapped
in a blanket
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350. in the middle of a cornfield.
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351. Right. So I was just
lying on the ground or...
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352. No...
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353. You were in a crater.
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354. You know, the way
you're talking in unison
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355. makes this feel
kind of rehearsed.
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356. It's not rehearsed, sweetie.
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357. This is the true story
of your adoption.
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358. So my origin
is the exact same as Superman?
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359. We don't know who that is.
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360. Look, I'm simply
proposing we share Norville.
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361. I get him Monday, Wednesday,
Friday, and whenever
I have a casual whim.
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362. Velma, Norville isn't something
you share like a sandwich.
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363. Who shares a sandwich?
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364. Do you even know
what's going on with
his family right now?
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365. What? Are their matching
Christmas pajamas
on back order?
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366. Yes! But also... Sorry.
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367. I promised Norville
that I wouldn't talk about it
with you.
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368. With me?
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369. But Norville
tells me everything.
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370. I have to go.
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371. Norville would be mad
if you even knew I knew.
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372. Bye!
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373. Oh, wait. That!
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374. - No, I know about that.
- Wait.
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375. You do? He told you?
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376. He did.
And honestly, I'm shocked
he told you, given...
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377. Given what?
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378. You know. Your... you know.
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379. Are you sure
we're talking about
the same thing?
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380. I haven't been this positive
since my scoliosis test,
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381. but the only way
to know for sure
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382. is if we say it
at exactly the same time.
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383. Well, that seems smart.
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384. Dr. Edna Perdue
is your grandmother?
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385. You know my mom
went missing when she was
researching her house.
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386. Gigi, I swore you to secrecy.
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387. You placed your hand
on your verified checkmark
and everything.
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388. How could you tell Gigi
and not me?
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389. You tell me everything.
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390. I don't always listen,
but still.
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391. I can't talk about this.
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392. I never should have trusted
either of you.
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393. Norville.
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394. Oh, my God, Velma, I did it.
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395. For the first time in my life,
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396. I didn't bungle a task
so badly that
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397. it needs to be covered up
by an Israeli security firm.
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398. It's okay, it's okay.
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399. This is just what they call
Detroit style pizza.
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400. Curfew time!
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401. Last one inside
is a person of interest.
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402. And now
it's basically Dominoes.
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403. Well, I tried,
but only got halfway there.
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404. That's just me living up
to my label as a male feminist.
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405. Well, curfew started,
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406. and you're stuck here
all night, Norville.
So spill it.
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407. How is my mom's disappearance
related to your grandma?
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408. I can't talk about it.
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409. I just learned about it
a few days ago,
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410. and the truth
could ruin my mom's life.
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411. Your mom's
a high school principal
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412. married to
a guidance counselor.
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413. It can't get
more ruined than that.
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414. What the hell!
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415. Hey, I told you
not to mess up my house.
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416. I'll be disowned.
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417. And I'm too old
and mouthy to be adopted.
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418. This is what happens
when we don't take our pills.
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419. We gotta feed these nerds now
or my house will be destroyed.
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420. Wait, I found a bag of salad.
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421. Velma, don't.
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422. These are band nerds.
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423. They subsist on energy drinks
and chips.
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424. You give them something green,
they could die.
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425. Well, if it has
to be unhealthy,
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426. then what about Spooners?
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427. The health inspector
called it "I quit"
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428. Well, that could work,
but no one's allowed outside
right now.
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429. I am the mayor.
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430. Except for cops.
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431. Fred, you're a genius.
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432. Yes, I've finally helped you.
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433. So, are you into me now
or what?
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434. We could take Daphne's moms'
cop car to Spooners
to get food there.
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435. Unfortunately, I don't drive.
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436. And Fred doesn't drive,
and Gigi doesn't drive.
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437. And Norville, in light of
the recent revelation that
I take advantage of you,
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438. I couldn't expect you
to do this for me.
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439. So... Oh, well,
it was almost a good idea.
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440. Guess my house
will just get destroyed.
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441. No.
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442. - I'll do it.
- No!
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443. Norville, I told you
if you do any more
simping for her,
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444. we're through.
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445. Gigi, I am not doing this
because I'm simping for Velma.
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446. I'm doing this
because it's the right thing
to do.
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447. I'm simping for myself.
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448. - Oh, yuck!
- Ugh!
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449. I just need someone
to get the keys to the car
from Daphne.
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450. Me? But I do
everything around here.
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451. Join us.
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452. Velma, finally!
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453. You're literally
the only person
I can talk to right now,
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454. - and I'm freaking out.
- Okay, it's okay.
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455. Calm down. I'm here,
and all I wanna do is help you.
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456. - Really?
- Yes.
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457. Immediately after you do me
a huge favor.
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458. Thank you so much, Daphne,
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459. and whatever's going on
with you, just put it in a text
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460. and I promise I'll give it
a thumbs up by Monday
at the earliest.
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461. Huh.
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462. All right,
let's get out of here.
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463. Those roaches are not happy
we're stealing their homes.
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464. Wait, hold on.
We need to go back.
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465. I wanna write an IOU
for the food.
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466. There's no time!
You'll get caught.
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467. Sorry, I have no choice.
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468. I mean, if we don't support
a small business
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469. owned by a woman of color,
who will?
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470. Wow, Norville.
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471. You're not just
a better friend than I am,
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472. you're a better person.
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473. And I give homeless people
hella nickels.
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474. So, I hear they're giving out
free Katy Perry tickets
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475. to serial killers
over at the police station.
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476. Sounds like a good deal.
You might wanna check it out.
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477. Oh, God, what are we gonna do?
I can't go back to jail.
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478. I still owe my cell mate
notes on his screenplay.
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479. Don't worry,
you guys head home.
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480. I'll distract Sheriff Cogburn.
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481. But, Velma,
you could go to jail.
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482. You'd hate it.
They spend an hour outdoors
every day.
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483. It's only for one night.
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484. And you'd do it for me.
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485. Wow. Thanks.
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486. Just get out of here
before I change my mind.
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487. Wait! I changed my mind.
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488. Now I changed it back.
Go, quick.
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489. Hey! Hey, you there!
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490. Hey, Cogburn.
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491. What the...
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492. I'm out past curfew,
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493. and I think
the movie Serpico is boring.
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494. What are you gonna do
about that?
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495. Gotcha!
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496. Principal Rogers?
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497. Oh, my God,
I have to post this.
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498. What will it take for you
to not do that?
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499. Hello.
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500. Welcome to the Crystal Mines
Mining Experience.
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501. I'm Casey Kasem,
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502. here to guide you
through America's 40th
most popular mine.
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503. Oh, man.
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504. Oh, no. We're too late.
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505. Rise and shine!
You're all free to go.
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506. Since you didn't
post that picture,
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507. be in my office Monday morning.
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508. I'll tell you everything I know
about my mom, Dr. Edna Perdue.
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509. Great.
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510. Welcome home, Amanda.
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511. If you think
the outside is clean and tidy,
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512. you ain't seen nothing.
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513. Isn't that right, Velma?
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514. What?
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515. - Ugh!
- Oh, that's so cute.
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516. And don't worry,
Velma will clean it up.
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517. Dear Velma,
sorry the band made
such a mess.
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518. Gigi wants you to know
that Norville did not clean
your house for you.
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519. Norville did, however, threaten
to shove our instruments
up our butts
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520. if we didn't clean it.
Musically, yours.
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521. The marching band.
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522. Velma, what the hell
happened to your teeth?
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523. This first factoid
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524. goes out to Jenny L. in—
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525. Welcome home, Daphne.
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526. I'm your mother, Caroll.
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527. And I'm your father, Darren.
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528. And this is
the Crystal Mines Gang.
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529. Yeah, sorry.
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530. I'd be lying if I said
you'll get used to that.
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