1. The cicadas buzzed as Mama
Tess scrubbed my shoulders.Copy !req
2. I watched the dirty water
run over cuts and scrapesCopy !req
3. on my weary ebony skin.Copy !req
4. I thought of the scars
on Mama Tess's back-"Copy !req
5. Okay, David.Copy !req
6. Why don't we stop there?Copy !req
7. What? I just started.Copy !req
8. I know I just...Copy !req
9. I'm not sure
it's appropriate for youCopy !req
10. to be writing in the voice
of a young slave girl.Copy !req
11. But I did a ton of research.Copy !req
12. I've been working
on this for months.Copy !req
13. I'm sorry,Copy !req
14. I just don't think this
is your story to tell.Copy !req
15. I mean... I wouldn't
play her in the movie.Copy !req
16. Alright, why don't we
stop here for the day?Copy !req
17. Oh, and some exciting news,Copy !req
18. Yael Golding will be
attending next week's reading.Copy !req
19. Yael Golding!Copy !req
20. She's like my favorite
living author!Copy !req
21. And now I've got nothing!Copy !req
22. Oh, Robert Louis Stevenson wroteCopy !req
23. Jekyll and Hyde in three days.Copy !req
24. I'm sure you'll come
up with something.Copy !req
25. Ugh.Copy !req
26. Gah!Copy !req
27. Yo, looks like they're
finally replacing the uh...Copy !req
28. the infrastructure pipes.Copy !req
29. - You excited?
- No.Copy !req
30. I've got three days to write
a masterpiece from scratchCopy !req
31. but it's impossible
with all this racket!Copy !req
32. You know David,Copy !req
33. if you're looking for aCopy !req
34. nice quiet place to work,Copy !req
35. my Uncle Kenny's actually
got a nice little cabinCopy !req
36. up in the Poconos.Copy !req
37. You're totally welcome to
go up there for the weekend.Copy !req
38. Oh, thanks, but I just
wouldn't want to,Copy !req
39. you know, impose
on your Uncle...Copy !req
40. Nah it's all good don't
worry about it he's dead.Copy !req
41. Ah. I'm s— what?Copy !req
42. I'm telling you you're
gonna love this place dude.Copy !req
43. It's nice and secluded,Copy !req
44. you got the pine
trees everywhere,Copy !req
45. you got the rustic charm...Copy !req
46. And it's not like some HoagiesCopy !req
47. "Deliverance"
type thing up there?Copy !req
48. Nah, nah, nah my inbred cousins,Copy !req
49. they live in the Pine Barrens.Copy !req
50. Ah.Copy !req
51. Ugh.Copy !req
52. Hm... not too shabby, Mark...Copy !req
53. Alright. Here we go...
just let it flow.Copy !req
54. Oh this place is cute, Mark!Copy !req
55. What with the logs and all,Copy !req
56. - I love it.
- I know! It's classic, right?Copy !req
57. You've gotta be kidding me...Copy !req
58. Yo that spot right there is
where the gerbil exploded!Copy !req
59. Oh...Copy !req
60. Oh man we got so
many memories here.Copy !req
61. I can't wait for you guys to
experience all the traditions.Copy !req
62. Ooh maybe we can
go snowshoeing...Copy !req
63. Okay well hold on there's like
a whole itinerary here Tam.Copy !req
64. Yo Jinglebells!Copy !req
65. You finish your book?Copy !req
66. I've been here thirty minutes...Copy !req
67. I didn't realize you
were also gonna be here.Copy !req
68. Ah you know it baby!Copy !req
69. So you excited for the classic
Mark Hoagies Poconos Weekend?Copy !req
70. What? No. I came here to write.Copy !req
71. Exactly.Copy !req
72. We're gonna give you
a ton of material.Copy !req
73. We're a buncha goofballs.Copy !req
74. - Yeah that's not what I-
- Ah don't worry, David.Copy !req
75. We'll be out of your
hair and on the slopes.Copy !req
76. Ah okay,Copy !req
77. so you're gonna be
skiing the whole weekend?Copy !req
78. I'll be skiing.Copy !req
79. Mark and Hank are
going sledding.Copy !req
80. Uh, snow tubing!
Totally different.Copy !req
81. Come on. Snow tubing is just
for people who can't ski.Copy !req
82. Woah woah woah.Copy !req
83. I know how to ski, okay.Copy !req
84. I just prefer snow tubing.Copy !req
85. Mark gets a little insecure that
his wife does black diamondsCopy !req
86. while he's on the bunny slopes.Copy !req
87. Aw that's ridiculous.Copy !req
88. Snow tubing is a Hoagies
Poconos tradition!Copy !req
89. Okay great.Copy !req
90. Well Darren and I
are going skiing,Copy !req
91. maybe get some hot chocolate...Copy !req
92. Mom, I said I don't
want to go skiing.Copy !req
93. Hell yeah. Team
tubing. Let's go Dar!Copy !req
94. Uh... no I'm not tubing either.Copy !req
95. Oh come on Darren.
What kid doesn't want to goCopy !req
96. super fast down a mountainCopy !req
97. in an inner tube?Copy !req
98. Do you like consciously
make an effortCopy !req
99. to not know anything about me?Copy !req
100. Please go Darren.Copy !req
101. Oooh you're an ugly one.
You're an ugly one.Copy !req
102. Come and get it.
Ooh, eat it!Copy !req
103. Yeah you like that!
Bee-yotch!Copy !req
104. Fricken skiing elitist
Tammy wants to belittleCopy !req
105. a time-honored Hoagies
tradition like snow tubing?Copy !req
106. Pfft, wait until we tell her
we did a double black diamond.Copy !req
107. Uh... you sure about this Mark?Copy !req
108. Uh yes, Hank.Copy !req
109. If anything this
is probably safer.Copy !req
110. I mean you're in
an inflated tube.Copy !req
111. You're basically riding an
airbag down the mountain.Copy !req
112. Excuse me?Copy !req
113. What's up chief?Copy !req
114. No inner tubes
on the ski slopes.Copy !req
115. Okay well that's discrimination.Copy !req
116. How is that discrimination?Copy !req
117. The mountain is for everyone,Copy !req
118. it shouldn't matter what
equipment we choose to love,Copy !req
119. we all share the same gravity.Copy !req
120. Enough.Copy !req
121. If we hit a tree,
do we not bleed?Copy !req
122. Can I get security to
the top of Pine Run?Copy !req
123. Hank! Go go go go go!Copy !req
124. Here we go duuuuuude.Copy !req
125. Cancel that.
Can I get the coronerCopy !req
126. to the bottom of Pine Run?Copy !req
127. Mmm.Copy !req
128. Oh my god! The hell!Copy !req
129. Nailed it.Copy !req
130. Yes?Copy !req
131. Uh, would you mind
putting headphones on?Copy !req
132. Why?Copy !req
133. Well, it's a little
hard to write with youCopy !req
134. blasting this active shooter
game or whatever this is.Copy !req
135. It's a zombie game, David.Copy !req
136. Well can't you play
Sudoku or something?Copy !req
137. Thank you.Copy !req
138. No Tammy!Copy !req
139. ]
What it is, is discrimination.Copy !req
140. We should be filing a
lawsuit against them!Copy !req
141. No! Come onnnn.Copy !req
142. Stupid idea to come
here, so stupid.Copy !req
143. Hey, there David.Copy !req
144. You wanna play
some games with us?Copy !req
145. No.Copy !req
146. What happened to ski tubing?Copy !req
147. Oh,Copy !req
148. Shaun White Hoagies over
there got us banned.Copy !req
149. Well maybe there's another
mountain that's like...Copy !req
150. open all night.Copy !req
151. Nah. Storm's already started.Copy !req
152. Wait... storm!Copy !req
153. Oh no.Copy !req
154. No! Ughhhh.Copy !req
155. Okay,Copy !req
156. let the Board Game
Olympics begin!Copy !req
157. Hank, hit it.Copy !req
158. Do I have to do this?Copy !req
159. Darren you know, I was
really hoping to makeCopy !req
160. one of those viral videos where
the stepdad surprises the kidCopy !req
161. with adoption papers but firstCopy !req
162. I'm gonna need you to at least
try and make an effort here.Copy !req
163. I'm going upstairs.Copy !req
164. Oh c'mon, Dar.Copy !req
165. Why don't we play
something together.Copy !req
166. I don't want to play
with you guys.Copy !req
167. You just end up
arguing the whole time.Copy !req
168. Oh that's not true.
We're having fun!Copy !req
169. Right, Mark?Copy !req
170. 100%. In fact,
it's time for our first event:Copy !req
171. Extreme Ball Blasters.Copy !req
172. That's not a board game.
That's a toy.Copy !req
173. What are you talking about!
It's a game and there's a board.Copy !req
174. You just shoot metal
balls at each other! -See?Copy !req
175. Alright alright fine, okay.
We'll skip to the second event:Copy !req
176. Wienerland.Copy !req
177. Oh hell yeah.Copy !req
178. Oh come on.
That game is all luck.Copy !req
179. Ooh that's not true, Tam.
You gotta know all the colors.Copy !req
180. Why can't we just play
a mature board game,Copy !req
181. like Scrabble here?Copy !req
182. Tam nobody here plays that.
That's like decoration.Copy !req
183. Yeah right.
You're just saying thatCopy !req
184. 'cause I'm gonna
mop the floor with yous.Copy !req
185. Where's all the letter tiles?Copy !req
186. Oh Hank flushed them down
the toilet years ago.Copy !req
187. Why on Earth would
you do that Hank?Copy !req
188. Oh I was trying to send a
message to the Ninja Turtles.Copy !req
189. Uh huh...Copy !req
190. Well there's gotta be some
good board games somewhere.Copy !req
191. I'm gonna check the cellar.Copy !req
192. I wouldn't do that, Tam.Copy !req
193. What do you mean? Why not?Copy !req
194. It's just... you know... we...Copy !req
195. we don't really
go in the cellar.Copy !req
196. It's kind of a house rule.Copy !req
197. Since when do you
care about rules?Copy !req
198. Well there's just
certain important rulesCopy !req
199. that we respect and one
of them is, you know:Copy !req
200. we do “not ” go in
the creepy cellar.Copy !req
201. Are you scared of the cellar?Copy !req
202. Oh get outta here.
That's ridiculous.Copy !req
203. - Afraid of the cellar—
- Oh my god. You are.Copy !req
204. You so are.Copy !req
205. Well I'm going down there.Copy !req
206. "Witch Trials."Copy !req
207. Oooh. Baby.Copy !req
208. Look what I found. Hehehe.Copy !req
209. Absolutely not.Copy !req
210. Hard no!Copy !req
211. Ooh that's the forbidden game.Copy !req
212. The forbidden game?Copy !req
213. Uncle Kenny was very clear:Copy !req
214. we're not allowed to play that.Copy !req
215. You do realize
you're adults now.Copy !req
216. Okay I gotta be honest, Tam.Copy !req
217. You're really throwing
off the vibes here.Copy !req
218. I'm trying to show
you and DarrenCopy !req
219. my most cherished
family traditionsCopy !req
220. and you're just
fully going rogue.Copy !req
221. Mark, not everyone has
fun the same way you do.Copy !req
222. God forbid we do
something I wanna do.Copy !req
223. Oh boy. Here we go.Copy !req
224. Uh, what's goin on?Copy !req
225. What the hell?Copy !req
226. Woah.Copy !req
227. Woah there.Copy !req
228. Welcome... to the witch trials!Copy !req
229. - What?
- Oh my God.Copy !req
230. Welp. Great job, Tam.Copy !req
231. Now we've got a fricken
Jumanji situation.Copy !req
232. Yo,Copy !req
233. is this like some sort
of immersive AR thing?Copy !req
234. Nah nah Dar,
this is an old-school,Copy !req
235. classic magical game.Copy !req
236. You see back in the old days,Copy !req
237. if you wanted to have
an immersive experience,Copy !req
238. you had to play a
magical forbidden game.Copy !req
239. Uh, did you know this
was gonna happen?Copy !req
240. Pfft I mean I had an idea...Copy !req
241. Why didn't you say something!Copy !req
242. Tammy, it's a creepy gameCopy !req
243. in my creepy uncle's
creepy cellar.Copy !req
244. The hell did you think
was gonna happen?Copy !req
245. Not this!Copy !req
246. Well, you should have
stuck to the itinerary.Copy !req
247. Your attention, please
as I explain the rules.Copy !req
248. You have one simple objective.Copy !req
249. These four women are
on trial for witchcraft.Copy !req
250. Your team must decide
which... is the witch!Copy !req
251. I mean I think I've got
a pretty good idea here.Copy !req
252. You're going down, Tam.Copy !req
253. Hah, no chance.Copy !req
254. You forget I got a
PhD in true crime.Copy !req
255. In order to determine
who the witch isCopy !req
256. you'll need to question
various townspeople.Copy !req
257. Ugh! Skip. Skip.Copy !req
258. Is there a skip button?Copy !req
259. Knock it off, will ya?Copy !req
260. You only get five
questions per turn,Copy !req
261. so consult with
your teammates...Copy !req
262. Okay and I'm out.Copy !req
263. Oh come on, Dar.Copy !req
264. The guy said it's a
team strategy game.Copy !req
265. We can't agree on anything.Copy !req
266. It's hopeless.Copy !req
267. Therefore, I forfeit. Ah!Copy !req
268. There's no quitting in
a game of life or death.Copy !req
269. MWUHAHAHAH!Copy !req
270. Life or death!Copy !req
271. Uh... Mark? Are we
expecting someone?Copy !req
272. Hank, get the door, please.Copy !req
273. Hello, there. I live next door,
I thought I'd pop on over,Copy !req
274. see if you wanted me
to plow your driveway.Copy !req
275. Ooooh. Are you playing one of
Kenny's magical games!Copy !req
276. I always wanted to play
but he'd never let me.Copy !req
277. Oh, well you should come play.Copy !req
278. Oh thanks!Copy !req
279. What's the game?Copy !req
280. It's real easy.
You just gotta likeCopy !req
281. figure out which one's
the witch or something.Copy !req
282. Oh... I bet it's the black girl.Copy !req
283. Okay, that's a little racist.Copy !req
284. Is that your
official accusation?Copy !req
285. Eh, sure.Copy !req
286. Incorrect!Copy !req
287. Arrrrrghhhhhhh!Copy !req
288. Yo, what?Copy !req
289. Oh. My. God.Copy !req
290. He's...Copy !req
291. he's gonna respawn, right?Copy !req
292. Shouldn't have
skipped the rules.Copy !req
293. Only the Jury Foreman can
make official accusations.Copy !req
294. Who's the jury foreman?Copy !req
295. You!Copy !req
296. Okay I'll admit.Copy !req
297. Got Darren in the
old timey wig there.Copy !req
298. That's pretty funny.Copy !req
299. Mark! We need to
take this seriously!Copy !req
300. Don't look at me,
I mean you're the oneCopy !req
301. who haaaad to play the
fricken forbidden game.Copy !req
302. I warned you dude.Copy !req
303. Ugh.Copy !req
304. Woah...Copy !req
305. uh.. okay.
Are you a ghost?Copy !req
306. Am I having a stroke?Copy !req
307. Is this like a Shining thing?Copy !req
308. No.
I just want to explore a bitCopy !req
309. before I get sucked back
into the game again.Copy !req
310. Okay... so I am hallucinating.Copy !req
311. Oh man.Copy !req
312. I have such a low
reishi tolerance.Copy !req
313. So why aren't you out
there playing the game?Copy !req
314. Well I have to write a novella
from scratch in three daysCopy !req
315. which is why I came up
here in the first place,Copy !req
316. so I could be aloneCopy !req
317. and of course the
fricken idiot brigadeCopy !req
318. just shows up and I can't focus.Copy !req
319. Why is God so mean to me?Copy !req
320. Sounds rough.Copy !req
321. Ugh. You don't even
know the half of it.Copy !req
322. Anyway, what's your deal?Copy !req
323. I'm a slave.Copy !req
324. Oh.Copy !req
325. Uh,Copy !req
326. sorry to hear that...Copy !req
327. So you're a writer?Copy !req
328. I actually taught
myself how to read.Copy !req
329. That's why everyone in the
village thinks I'm a witch.Copy !req
330. Interesting...Copy !req
331. you know,
I'd actually be curiousCopy !req
332. to get your thoughts
on something...Copy !req
333. I think you're gonna like it.Copy !req
334. Okay, big money,
big money no whammies.Copy !req
335. Boom!Copy !req
336. You may ask the
reverend five questions.Copy !req
337. Okay. Watch and learn.Copy !req
338. Hun, remember, we're a team.Copy !req
339. How we doin' pal?Copy !req
340. Fine.Copy !req
341. Can I ask you a question?Copy !req
342. Sure.Copy !req
343. Three questions remaining.Copy !req
344. Stop wasting questions!Copy !req
345. Okay level with me here, Father.Copy !req
346. Yo she's a witch, right?Copy !req
347. Probably.Copy !req
348. Boom. There it is.Copy !req
349. He could be lying!Copy !req
350. You're not lying to me,
are you pal?Copy !req
351. No.
I'm a man of god.Copy !req
352. Great, Tam.
Now I look like a jerk.Copy !req
353. One more question.Copy !req
354. Mark! Consult with
your teammates.Copy !req
355. Trust me Tam,Copy !req
356. she's gotta be the
witch. I mean the warts,Copy !req
357. the big nose. Look at that.Copy !req
358. That's like a classic
witch right there okay?Copy !req
359. I'd like to solve the puzzle!Copy !req
360. Stop rushing.Copy !req
361. We just watched a
guy burn to death.Copy !req
362. Well, maybe he'd be aliveCopy !req
363. if we played Ball
Blasters, okay? Just sayin'.Copy !req
364. Would you just ask him if
he's seen anything suspicious.Copy !req
365. Tammy, you know,Copy !req
366. you've already hijacked
our classic Poconos weekendCopy !req
367. and now you won't even
let me do my turn.Copy !req
368. I will ask the questions,
thank you very much.Copy !req
369. Father, let me ask you. Uh...Copy !req
370. you seen anything
suspicious, or?Copy !req
371. Indeed.Copy !req
372. I witnessed Eleanor over there
in the parish kitchenCopy !req
373. sprinkling eye of newt
into a cauldron.Copy !req
374. Okay now that's a twist.Copy !req
375. You got the fricken
lizard eyeballs?Copy !req
376. Yo that's a classic witch thing.
It's gotta be the nun.Copy !req
377. Mark,
this ain't newt eyes.Copy !req
378. It's mustard seed.Copy !req
379. That's what they used
to call it back in the day.Copy !req
380. I mean witches eat
mustard too, Tam.Copy !req
381. I'm gonna be honest, David.Copy !req
382. I can't even make
it through this.Copy !req
383. What? Why not!
I did tons of research!Copy !req
384. Did you get to the part
about Osnaburg fabric?Copy !req
385. I did yeah.
That's definitely what we wear.Copy !req
386. Yes indeed.Copy !req
387. So, would you say
it's authentic?Copy !req
388. I guess.Copy !req
389. Haha! I did it!Copy !req
390. Suck it, writers group!Copy !req
391. Edith?Copy !req
392. Okay, Mr. Blacksmith,Copy !req
393. have you ever seen any of these
girls doing anything strange?Copy !req
394. Indeed.Copy !req
395. The other day I saw
Agnes behind the stables,Copy !req
396. kissing... a girl.Copy !req
397. Ohhh boy, that chick's
definitely the witch.Copy !req
398. Kissing girls?
I mean that's “Classic ”Copy !req
399. sexy witch stuff right there.Copy !req
400. It's just like that
movie with Bette MidlerCopy !req
401. where they all make out.Copy !req
402. What version of Hocus
Pocus did you watch?Copy !req
403. I don't know what that is.Copy !req
404. Three questions remaining.Copy !req
405. Ugh, Mark!Copy !req
406. Would you stop
messin' up my turn?Copy !req
407. Okay, Mr. Blacksmith,Copy !req
408. have you ever seen Margaret
do anything strange?Copy !req
409. Never seen anything myself,Copy !req
410. but you know she's
always in a rotten mood.Copy !req
411. Yelling at her husband
and what not.Copy !req
412. Ohh yeah,
that's a witch alright!Copy !req
413. Can you tell me more
about Margaret's husband?Copy !req
414. Oh, he's a real piece of work.Copy !req
415. Always running off doing
crazy things with his brother,Copy !req
416. the village idiot.
Heard he commandeered a horseCopy !req
417. and tried to make it do some
sort of backflip maneuver.Copy !req
418. Said it was his
"signature move."Copy !req
419. Guy sounds pretty cool actually.Copy !req
420. Yeah.Copy !req
421. Did this husband of hers
ever check with his wifeCopy !req
422. before he did these things?Copy !req
423. Nope.Copy !req
424. That was your final question.Copy !req
425. Dammit, Tam.Copy !req
426. Hell yeah. Fourteen.Copy !req
427. You have rolled a 12.Copy !req
428. You have 60 seconds
to question the Baker.Copy !req
429. Oooh what's that?
Some kind of witch goo?Copy !req
430. Ooh good catch, dude.Copy !req
431. It's dough.Copy !req
432. Oh my god. Hank! C'mon.Copy !req
433. So you're telling me
that blob right thereCopy !req
434. is gonna become bread?Copy !req
435. Yes.Copy !req
436. Man. How far in the
future do you live?Copy !req
437. Actually this game takes
place 300 years in the past.Copy !req
438. Whoa.
Now that's a twist.Copy !req
439. Two questions remaining.Copy !req
440. Hank,
let's work as a team here.Copy !req
441. Okay.
What should I ask?Copy !req
442. You should ask about the spell
Agnes cast on my bread.Copy !req
443. Oh. Okay uh...Copy !req
444. so what kind of spell did
Agnes cast on your bread?Copy !req
445. One day I caught her
speaking in tongues.Copy !req
446. And it turned out she turned
all my bread into crackers!Copy !req
447. Uh, witch alert!Copy !req
448. We're dead.Copy !req
449. It's time to make
your final accusation.Copy !req
450. You have two minutes
to deliberate.Copy !req
451. The foreman makes
the final decision.Copy !req
452. Choose carefully...Copy !req
453. or die!Copy !req
454. Muahahaha!Copy !req
455. Oh no.Copy !req
456. Oh there you are! Um...Copy !req
457. Can you just do
me a quick favor?Copy !req
458. Can I just get a quick
video of you sayingCopy !req
459. that you found my novel
like super authenticCopy !req
460. and powerful or whatever?Copy !req
461. Okay go.Copy !req
462. Uh...Copy !req
463. Wait what the hell?Copy !req
464. Why aren't you
showing up on here?Copy !req
465. Damnit!Copy !req
466. I forgot you're just a fricken
figment of my imagination.Copy !req
467. Ugh.
Ugh. I'm screwed.Copy !req
468. I'm screwed!Copy !req
469. Alright team listen up,Copy !req
470. so they're obviously
all witches. We agree.Copy !req
471. Let's do this.
We're ready.Copy !req
472. Mark, no.Copy !req
473. Tam You gotta trust
me on this one.Copy !req
474. I got great witch-dar.Copy !req
475. When I watched Wizard of Oz
for the first time,Copy !req
476. I knew exactly
who the witch was.Copy !req
477. I called it right off the bat.Copy !req
478. Uh her name was
"The Wicked Witch of the West."Copy !req
479. Yeah but also the socks.Copy !req
480. I mean come on. Tam,
I know witches. Okay,Copy !req
481. I got witches in my family!Copy !req
482. Mark I think it's pretty obviousCopy !req
483. that the whole point
of this game is thatCopy !req
484. there are No Real Witches!Copy !req
485. It was just a bunch of
ignorant, fearful peopleCopy !req
486. making baseless accusations.Copy !req
487. So how do you square
that with the fact thatCopy !req
488. all these women are
obviously witches!Copy !req
489. They're not witches!Copy !req
490. Eleanor was just making mustard
and Agnes is gay.Copy !req
491. Yeah, but what about
the bread spell?Copy !req
492. Speaking in tongues?
Turning bread into crackers?Copy !req
493. She's Jewish, Hank.Copy !req
494. Time's almost up.Copy !req
495. Tam, how are you gonna tell meCopy !req
496. that the fricken one with
the warts is not a witch?Copy !req
497. I mean look, she's a classic
fricken witch right there.Copy !req
498. Oh come on.
She's obviously not a witch!Copy !req
499. She's just frustrated with
her husband's reckless antics.Copy !req
500. Oh come on Tam
that's ridiculous.Copy !req
501. Stop! Stop!Copy !req
502. I'm sick of you both
arguing all the time.Copy !req
503. Thirty seconds remaining...Copy !req
504. Darren, now's not the
time to get into this—Copy !req
505. No. It's exactly the
time to get into thisCopy !req
506. because if you would both would
just listen to each other,Copy !req
507. you could figure it out.Copy !req
508. I'm actually an
excellent listener.Copy !req
509. I listen very long-form
podcasts occasionally.Copy !req
510. You think they're
literally all witchesCopy !req
511. when Mom clearly showed
you the evidence was bad.Copy !req
512. Exactly.
None of 'em are witches.Copy !req
513. Tell 'em Dar.Copy !req
514. No. You're wrong, mom.Copy !req
515. What are you talking about!
You said it yourself.Copy !req
516. There's no witches.
There's no magic!Copy !req
517. Except there is magic!Copy !req
518. It's literally a magical game.Copy !req
519. Which means it was
made by a witch.Copy !req
520. 5... 4...Copy !req
521. - 3...
- I'm ready to make myCopy !req
522. - 2...
- my final accusation:Copy !req
523. - 1...
- the witch is...Copy !req
524. “Margaret! ”Copy !req
525. - Oh jeez...
- Woah.Copy !req
526. What? No!
Dar what are you doing—Copy !req
527. That is...Copy !req
528. correct!Copy !req
529. Margaret?
The classic witch?Copy !req
530. Uh... who would make
a game that stupid!Copy !req
531. It was made by Hoagies!Copy !req
532. The game can definately
be that stupid.Copy !req
533. Oh my god.
- Oh yeah?Copy !req
534. How about that?Copy !req
535. That's my great
great Aunt Margaret.Copy !req
536. Yeah, apparently she was
a witch or something.Copy !req
537. Mom, you were so busyCopy !req
538. trying to figure
everything out yourself,Copy !req
539. you weren't listening
when Mark literally saidCopy !req
540. he had witches in his family.Copy !req
541. Huh.Copy !req
542. Yo. Looks like
we got a regularCopy !req
543. Encyclopedia Brown over here.Copy !req
544. Well done, children.Copy !req
545. Why in the hell
would you make a gameCopy !req
546. that could kill
your descendants?Copy !req
547. The game was meant
to keep curious,Copy !req
548. naughty little children
out of my workshop.Copy !req
549. Luckily, you're a good team...Copy !req
550. well except for
that guy over there.Copy !req
551. Alright, well,Copy !req
552. back to the spirit world we go!Copy !req
553. Go birds!Copy !req
554. I've got nothing!Copy !req
555. I have a once-in-a-
lifetime chanceCopy !req
556. to impress Yael fricken GoldingCopy !req
557. and I've got nothing!Copy !req
558. Argh!
Maybe Andrea is right.Copy !req
559. I'm not a writer!Copy !req
560. I should just go back
to being a stupid lawyerCopy !req
561. and stop this charade.Copy !req
562. I don't even like writing!Copy !req
563. Uh, you okay, David?Copy !req
564. Maybe you're putting too
much pressure on yourself.Copy !req
565. Stop trying to write the
next great American novelCopy !req
566. and just write something fun.Copy !req
567. Fun?Copy !req
568. What does that even mean?Copy !req
569. I don't know.
Stop trying to impress peopleCopy !req
570. and think of something
that gets you excited.Copy !req
571. And then just let it rip.Copy !req
572. Oh my god,Copy !req
573. did you see that?Copy !req
574. His head freakin' exploded!Copy !req
575. Hell yeah!Copy !req
576. Edith?Copy !req
577. Hehe, yo, we did it!Copy !req
578. Well Tam, I gotta say,Copy !req
579. that game was actually
pretty fricken awesome.Copy !req
580. Thanks, hun.Copy !req
581. I guess when we
listen to each otherCopy !req
582. we make a pretty good team.Copy !req
583. Hey, we do make a pretty
good team right...Copy !req
584. wink wink...Copy !req
585. You know,Copy !req
586. I've got an idea
for a new classicCopy !req
587. Hoagies Poconos weekend activity
if you know what I mean...Copy !req
588. Ooh Wienerland?Copy !req
589. You could say that.Copy !req
590. Oh god,
maybe I prefer you guysCopy !req
591. not listening to each other.Copy !req
592. Oh, Mark! This is so crazy!Copy !req
593. Yeah!Copy !req
594. I can't believe we're doing this
in the bed Uncle Kenny died in.Copy !req
595. Think of something
that gets you excited.Copy !req
596. Let it rip.Copy !req
597. Uh-huh!Copy !req
598. Yes, yes.Copy !req
599. I mean I do got
witches in my familyCopy !req
600. you know what I mean?Copy !req
601. Mark, I gotta say these
are actually pretty good.Copy !req
602. Yo I know right?
Yeah the cheesesteak pancakes,Copy !req
603. those are a classic
Poconos Weekend tradition.Copy !req
604. Yo, there he is! You finish?Copy !req
605. Hahahaha.
Yes, Mark.Copy !req
606. So did we inspire any ideas?Copy !req
607. Oh yes.Copy !req
608. Very much so.Copy !req
609. Awesome dude.Copy !req
610. Oh and Darren,
got a little surprise for you.Copy !req
611. Uh... what are you doing Mark?Copy !req
612. Why don't you call me Dad.Copy !req
613. I'm gonna be your
Dad now, buddy.Copy !req
614. Nah... I'm good.Copy !req
615. Love you too, son!
He's getting emotional.Copy !req
616. Didn't want it on
camera, you know.Copy !req
617. And now I'd like to
welcome up... David!Copy !req
618. Yo let's go, Jinglebells!Copy !req
619. Let it rip, baby!
Let's go!Copy !req
620. The sharp smell of
pine filled my nostrilsCopy !req
621. as I drove up the
winding mountainCopy !req
622. towards the estate.Copy !req
623. On the radio, the news
warned of a virus,Copy !req
624. infecting the brains of people
in the Philadelphia area.Copy !req
625. He grunted in his stupid accent:Copy !req
626. "Guys Day. Guys Day!
That's classic."Copy !req
627. I ripped the three-thousand
dollar crossbow from his handsCopy !req
628. and RAT-TAT-TAT,Copy !req
629. lit him up like Boathouse Row.Copy !req
630. Oh, god.Copy !req
631. I jammed the frozen hot
dogs through his eyesCopy !req
632. and into his hollow skull.Copy !req
633. I admired their rotting
corpses on the spiked fenceCopy !req
634. while I sipped my teaCopy !req
635. and basked in the silence.Copy !req
636. It's horrible. Just awful.Copy !req
637. Incredible, David.
That was great!Copy !req
638. Yeah, you like that?Copy !req
639. Nailed it, dude.Copy !req
640. Let's get out of here.Copy !req