1. I'm Mark Hoagies
and this is "Human Cannonball."Copy !req
2. Ok, Hank. Get in.Copy !req
3. Uh... I don't know
about this Mark.Copy !req
4. It's fine Hank.Copy !req
5. There's a safety
net right there.Copy !req
6. Uhhh... can we like maybeCopy !req
7. test it out first or something?Copy !req
8. Oh my god you're killing
me here, Hank, okay?Copy !req
9. I know what I'm doing.
I'm not Dick Cheney.Copy !req
10. But what if I like,
blow up or something?Copy !req
11. Okay, dammit! Cut!Copy !req
12. Mernft, can you help me here?
Is Hank gonna blow up?Copy !req
13. Ahh... Yeah.
I thought that was the point.Copy !req
14. No it's not the— Okay,Copy !req
15. you know what
maybe we can try itCopy !req
16. with a crash test dummy.Copy !req
17. Oh no no.Copy !req
18. Those things are way
pricier than you think.Copy !req
19. Holy crap, a million dollars?Copy !req
20. You know, there's actually
something you could getCopy !req
21. that's a lot cheaperCopy !req
22. and way more realistic...Copy !req
23. I'm talkin' inside and out.Copy !req
24. Damn. That thing's no joke.Copy !req
25. Oh yeah the craftsmanship
on these things, incredible.Copy !req
26. I mean they get every detail
down to the fallopian tubes.Copy !req
27. Damn yo.Copy !req
28. This thing's gonna
be perfect for like,Copy !req
29. simulating the aerodynamics.Copy !req
30. Alright, let's do it.Copy !req
31. Okay. I'm putting in the order.Copy !req
32. Yo Merf, you don't
think Tammy's likeCopy !req
33. gonna get the wrong ideaCopy !req
34. when this thing arrives
or nothing, right?Copy !req
35. Nah. Don't worry.
I got you.Copy !req
36. David Jinglebells?Copy !req
37. Uh. Yup that's me.Copy !req
38. Oh my god.Copy !req
39. Yo... Mark.Copy !req
40. What's up hon?Copy !req
41. I'm sure you're doing
something very importantCopy !req
42. but it would mean a lot to meCopy !req
43. if you could spend
some time with Darren.Copy !req
44. Oh absolutely, yeah.
I take a lot of prideCopy !req
45. in being an
involved stepdad.Copy !req
46. When he gets back from his dad's
we'll hang out.Copy !req
47. We'll do a little bonding.Copy !req
48. Uh. He's been here since April.Copy !req
49. Oh get out of here
are you serious?Copy !req
50. I didn't even notice him.Copy !req
51. Exactly. He's barely
left his roomCopy !req
52. in like three days.Copy !req
53. I'm worried he's gonna spend
the whole summer up thereCopy !req
54. and not make any friends.Copy !req
55. No problem, Tam, okay.Copy !req
56. I'll hang out with him.
We'll get outside,Copy !req
57. we'll make some friends,
we'll get into some trouble.Copy !req
58. Okay maybe not that last part.Copy !req
59. C'mon, Tam.
Maybe the reasonCopy !req
60. he's not making any friendsCopy !req
61. is because you're a bit of a,Copy !req
62. you know, helicopter parent.Copy !req
63. I am not.Copy !req
64. I just don't want yous
to do anything stupid.Copy !req
65. Cannon's loaded.Copy !req
66. Me? Do something stupid?
PFFFFT!Copy !req
67. I have fun, Tam,Copy !req
68. but I do not put the
people I love at risk.Copy !req
69. !Copy !req
70. !
- Woah.Copy !req
71. That was awesome.Copy !req
72. What's up Buddy?Copy !req
73. Hey Mark.Copy !req
74. You got any interest in hangingCopy !req
75. out with me and Uncle Hank?Copy !req
76. No thanks.Copy !req
77. I don't want to play with guns.Copy !req
78. It's not a gun, Darren.Copy !req
79. It's a cannon.Copy !req
80. A cannon is a gun.Copy !req
81. No, it's a classic...Copy !req
82. medieval ball shooting... tool.Copy !req
83. Oh would you look at this?Copy !req
84. A cannon is a 'large
caliber gun classifiedCopy !req
85. as a type of artillery.'Copy !req
86. Oh c'mon. You can't
trust the internetCopy !req
87. Darren, okay?Copy !req
88. You know how you really learn?Copy !req
89. By going outside and
doing experiences.Copy !req
90. Yo. You wanna throw
this bad boy around?Copy !req
91. Please put that back.Copy !req
92. No Darren,Copy !req
93. this boomerang is a classic toy.
We gotta play with it!Copy !req
94. It's a decorative artifact.Copy !req
95. My dad got me that
when he was in Australia.Copy !req
96. Okay what's the point
of having a boomerangCopy !req
97. if you're not gonna
throw it Darren?Copy !req
98. If we do this,
will you leave me alone?Copy !req
99. Maybe.Copy !req
100. Andrea this is a mistake.
I swear.Copy !req
101. Uh can you just
leave it in the box?Copy !req
102. Oh no, sir.
You ordered white glove service.Copy !req
103. You don't even have
to touch the box...Copy !req
104. Well, this box.Copy !req
105. Huh- What?Copy !req
106. Are you trying to send
me a message, here?Copy !req
107. What? No!Copy !req
108. You want it in the bedroom?Copy !req
109. Can you just take it
back with you please?Copy !req
110. If you want to return it,Copy !req
111. there's a QR code on the backCopy !req
112. that you can get all the info.Copy !req
113. Oh my god.Copy !req
114. Maybe next timeCopy !req
115. pick a delivery window
where your wife isn't home.Copy !req
116. It's gotta be some
kind of mistakeCopy !req
117. or practical joke
or something.Copy !req
118. Pretty expensive
practical joke...Copy !req
119. “Hello David Jinglebells ”.Copy !req
120. “Congratulations on
your new Real Babe,Copy !req
121. the ultimate pleasure
doll experience. ”Copy !req
122. Heh?Copy !req
123. “ We're going to walk youCopy !req
124. through all the intimate
details... ”Copy !req
125. Oh god. Skip!Copy !req
126. “Beneath the natural silicon
exterior is our new,Copy !req
127. state of the art self-heating,Copy !req
128. strawberry flavored- ”Copy !req
129. Skip!Copy !req
130. What? Ew.Copy !req
131. Skip please! Uh,Copy !req
132. tell me how to send you back!Copy !req
133. Send back!Copy !req
134. “Nano-fiber polyester
landing stri—Copy !req
135. Functional lactating—Copy !req
136. Tentacle attachments—Copy !req
137. Just load the milk
into the cartridge— ”Copy !req
138. Wow David.Copy !req
139. Really splurged on
the trim package.Copy !req
140. “Enter promo code
MothersDay for 30% offCopy !req
141. our new pregnant
belly expansion pack! ”Copy !req
142. So the fun thing
about a boomerangCopy !req
143. is that when you throw it,
it comes back.Copy !req
144. Which makes it a very
ironic gift choiceCopy !req
145. coming from your father.Copy !req
146. Okay Darren so here's
what you're gonna do okay?Copy !req
147. You want the flat side
against your palm.Copy !req
148. Just like this okay?Copy !req
149. And then you make sure
the curvatureCopy !req
150. is facing the direction
you're looking to throw.Copy !req
151. Okay, you angle your arm
45 degrees on release,Copy !req
152. and then you're
just gonna let itCopy !req
153. roll off your fingers, okay?Copy !req
154. Here we go.Copy !req
155. Okay, there we go.Copy !req
156. Okay you see it?
No? Don't worryCopy !req
157. it's gonna come back so...
any minute now.Copy !req
158. Keep an eye out,Copy !req
159. keep an eye out.Copy !req
160. It'll sneak up on you.Copy !req
161. Ugh, that's the end of that.Copy !req
162. Thank you Mark.Copy !req
163. Uh uh.
No way, Jose.Copy !req
164. We are going on an adventure!Copy !req
165. Ugh.Copy !req
166. If we somehow find this thing,Copy !req
167. it's going right
back on my wall.Copy !req
168. Uh uh. Attitude shift.Copy !req
169. We're gonna find it.Copy !req
170. And then...
we're gonna throw it again.Copy !req
171. Bingo.Copy !req
172. See that broken window up there?Copy !req
173. I bet it's in there.Copy !req
174. I gotta say, Darren, okay
that was a hell of a throw.Copy !req
175. If that damn house
wasn't in the wayCopy !req
176. it would have
definitely come back.Copy !req
177. This is so sketch.Copy !req
178. So we're just gonna
knock on the door?Copy !req
179. Yeah. What's the
worst that can happen,Copy !req
180. okay, we make some new friends?Copy !req
181. Now in sales,Copy !req
182. this is what we refer to as a
“cold call ” okay?Copy !req
183. Hank is gonna make small talkCopy !req
184. while you and I,
we sneak upstairsCopy !req
185. and we get the boomerang.Copy !req
186. Or we can just apologize
and ask them to get it.Copy !req
187. You want to let whatever
weirdos live in this houseCopy !req
188. know we broke their window?Copy !req
189. Oh yo, wow!Copy !req
190. I mean... hi.Copy !req
191. I mean... hello, ma'am.Copy !req
192. My name's Mark. I was
just wondering if-Copy !req
193. What did you say about a window?Copy !req
194. Oh I was just saying that uh...Copy !req
195. You know I love some
of the trim workCopy !req
196. on these windows-Copy !req
197. Go away!Copy !req
198. Darren, now that's
called "playing hardball"Copy !req
199. no problem.Copy !req
200. Every "no" brings you
closer to a "yes."Copy !req
201. Yes?Copy !req
202. Oh hey boss, so,Copy !req
203. you know we've been out hikingCopy !req
204. and I really gotta
use the bathroom, so—Copy !req
205. Go in the woods!Copy !req
206. You know the thing is,Copy !req
207. it's kind of a number
two situation and um...Copy !req
208. and I'm allergic to leaves so.Copy !req
209. You are?Copy !req
210. Hank!Copy !req
211. One moment, please.Copy !req
212. The man just wants
to use the bathroom.Copy !req
213. No!Copy !req
214. Come on, Deborah.Copy !req
215. We haven't had a guest in ages.Copy !req
216. Lest you forget,Copy !req
217. there's a reason we don't
have guests, Charles.Copy !req
218. Oh relax.Copy !req
219. Down the hall.Copy !req
220. First door on your right.Copy !req
221. Actually, is there a
upstairs bathroom I can use?Copy !req
222. I need a little privacy.Copy !req
223. I got a little, had
a whole two burgersCopy !req
224. for breakfast
situation happening,Copy !req
225. you know what I mean.Copy !req
226. No!Copy !req
227. Don't be rude, Deborah.Copy !req
228. You're welcome to use the
upstairs hallway bathroom.Copy !req
229. Really appreciate it.Copy !req
230. C'mon Dar.Copy !req
231. Why does the boy need to come?Copy !req
232. Oh uh... Darren here?Copy !req
233. He's my uh...Copy !req
234. he's my wipe boy.Copy !req
235. Wipe boy?Copy !req
236. What?Copy !req
237. I'd love to have a wipe boy.Copy !req
238. Eww!Copy !req
239. Andrea, how many times
do I have to tell you?Copy !req
240. I didn't order this, okay?Copy !req
241. David, it's fine.Copy !req
242. In fact, I'm thinking about
ordering my own doll...Copy !req
243. Oh wow, this one looks
just like The Rock.Copy !req
244. Okay, enough. I'll throw it out.Copy !req
245. Uh, you cannot put
that in our trash.Copy !req
246. Are you insane?Copy !req
247. Ok well I'll return
it this afternoon.Copy !req
248. Fine, but until thenCopy !req
249. can you move it out
of the living room?Copy !req
250. The thing weighs
like 120 pounds.Copy !req
251. Is it that unbearable to ju-Copy !req
252. I will move it.Copy !req
253. Yes, I will move it.Copy !req
254. Argh!Copy !req
255. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
256. Huh!Copy !req
257. Cool place.Copy !req
258. Thanks.Copy !req
259. So when was this built?Copy !req
260. Like the 50s or something?Copy !req
261. 1730s actually.Copy !req
262. Woah. 1730s?Copy !req
263. I didn't even know
houses were invented yet.Copy !req
264. So uh,
what do you do for work?Copy !req
265. We are the custodians
of something evil-Copy !req
266. Enough!Copy !req
267. What's taking your
friends so long?Copy !req
268. Yo Dar,Copy !req
269. that's gotta be the attic right?Copy !req
270. Oh cool,Copy !req
271. the chained up room
in a creepy-ass house.Copy !req
272. Sounds like a great idea.Copy !req
273. C'mon, Darren.Copy !req
274. We're having an adventure.Copy !req
275. “You looking for your boomerang?Copy !req
276. I got it in here.Copy !req
277. Just unlock the door. ”Copy !req
278. Ahh... Wh—
What was that?Copy !req
279. Darren, you heard
that creepy voice.Copy !req
280. It's got the boomerang.Copy !req
281. “Everything okay up there? ”Copy !req
282. Oh yeah! All good!Copy !req
283. All good! Sorry...Copy !req
284. just finishing wiping up.Copy !req
285. C'mon Darren!Copy !req
286. Get that dingleberry!Copy !req
287. Alright let's see here.Copy !req
288. !Copy !req
289. “See ya! ”Copy !req
290. Oh my.Copy !req
291. !Copy !req
292. Welp. Happy, Charles?Copy !req
293. I told you this would happen!Copy !req
294. Do you have any idea
what you've done!Copy !req
295. Uh. I guess I let your
pet goat bat thing out?Copy !req
296. I mean who cares.Copy !req
297. No, you fool!Copy !req
298. You've just unleashed...Copy !req
299. The Jersey Devil!Copy !req
300. So when you say "unleashed
the Jersey Devil,"Copy !req
301. is that like a good
thing or a bad thing?Copy !req
302. The hellish beastCopy !req
303. will reign terror
upon our community.Copy !req
304. Its wrath knows no bounds!Copy !req
305. Okay, so it's a bad thing.Copy !req
306. So uh...
what are we gonna do?Copy !req
307. The only way to catch this beastCopy !req
308. is through the dark sacrament.Copy !req
309. We must head to the
ceremonial circleCopy !req
310. and build a pyre of white cedar.Copy !req
311. The incantations
will lure the devilCopy !req
312. to the blood sacrifice.Copy !req
313. What the hell...Copy !req
314. and upon his satiationCopy !req
315. he will sleep for three days-Copy !req
316. Pfft! Blood sacrifice?Copy !req
317. Yeah, that's never gonna work.Copy !req
318. Oh yeah?Copy !req
319. You're gonna tell us,Copy !req
320. the guardian family
of this abominationCopy !req
321. for over 300 years,Copy !req
322. how to find the Jersey Devil?Copy !req
323. Uh... I got news for you.Copy !req
324. It's a friggin
flying goat, okay?Copy !req
325. How hard can it be?Copy !req
326. You look in the sky for a
friggin goat with wings.Copy !req
327. Ok genius.Copy !req
328. Why don't you go do that?Copy !req
329. But since “You ”
unleashed this horror,Copy !req
330. one of you must stay back...Copy !req
331. for the sacrifice.Copy !req
332. Uh yeah, that's all you Mark.Copy !req
333. Okay whatever lady.Copy !req
334. Okay Hank, can
you just deal withCopy !req
335. whatever cockamamie
nonsense they wanna do?Copy !req
336. You got it, Mark.Copy !req
337. David.Copy !req
338. Focus.Copy !req
339. Argh... arghCopy !req
340. Next.Copy !req
341. Sorry, it's a little heavy.Copy !req
342. Okay looks like we got a...Copy !req
343. Real Babe doll? -Uhp! Yes.Copy !req
344. It was shipped to me by mistake.Copy !req
345. Hm. Sure.Copy !req
346. So there's a whole
process for these things.Copy !req
347. It's gonna be a few minutes.Copy !req
348. Connor!Copy !req
349. What's up?Copy !req
350. I need a hand!Copy !req
351. I got a customer returning
a Real Babe Doll!Copy !req
352. A what?Copy !req
353. A real babe doll.Copy !req
354. It's one of those
fancy lifelike sex-Copy !req
355. Hey could you not?Copy !req
356. Can you just come
over here for a sec?Copy !req
357. And bring the scissors.Copy !req
358. Is this necessary?Copy !req
359. If you want to return it, yes.Copy !req
360. Alright, let's just go.Copy !req
361. So uh,
where we headed?Copy !req
362. The ceremonial circle.Copy !req
363. Ooh. Sounds fun.Copy !req
364. Well.
Sounds more fun than it is.Copy !req
365. Will you shut up, Charles?Copy !req
366. What?Copy !req
367. It's nice to speak to someone
pleasant for a change.Copy !req
368. You don't name the chicken
you're going to slaughter.Copy !req
369. Get off my back.Copy !req
370. Well, here we are.Copy !req
371. You sure this is the place?Copy !req
372. So we know this thing
is half bat, half goat.Copy !req
373. Now what do bats eat?
Okay they eat berries.Copy !req
374. What do goats eat?Copy !req
375. Trash.Copy !req
376. So, what we need to do
is find a berry junkyard. Okay?Copy !req
377. Ooh- maybe a berry landfill?Copy !req
378. It's pointless.Copy !req
379. The thing is
probably deep in theCopy !req
380. Pine Barrens at this point.Copy !req
381. C'mon Darren, okay.
It's gonna take time and skill,Copy !req
382. but we're gonna
hunt this thing downCopy !req
383. and get that boomerang back
if it's the last thing I doCopy !req
384. before I throw it again.Copy !req
385. Woah, yo!
Well speak of the devil!Copy !req
386. I told you it'd be easy Dar!Copy !req
387. Sup dudes.Copy !req
388. Can I come in?
I got your boomerang?Copy !req
389. What do you think, Dar?
Gotta let him in, right?Copy !req
390. Uh. No. Are you dumb?Copy !req
391. Come on. He can't be that bad.
He brought the boomerang.Copy !req
392. I gotcha.Copy !req
393. Please don't hurt us!Copy !req
394. Dude what? What're
you talking about?Copy !req
395. Why would I hurt you?Copy !req
396. But aren't you like
the devil or something?Copy !req
397. Well you know I'm not
“the ” devil.Copy !req
398. That's my dad.Copy !req
399. Uh.Copy !req
400. I just wanted toCopy !req
401. thank you guys
for freeing me.Copy !req
402. Ah. Least we could do.Copy !req
403. I mean your guardians
seemed likeCopy !req
404. a couple of whack- a-doos,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
405. Oh dude, tell me about it.Copy !req
406. Yeah, they keep me
locked up in the atticCopy !req
407. away from people,Copy !req
408. so you know I never get
to make any friends.Copy !req
409. But you guys seem cool.Copy !req
410. That dingleberry bit that was—
oh my god, had me dying.Copy !req
411. - I was dying!
- Oh yeah, you like that?Copy !req
412. Yo that was a good one, right?Copy !req
413. You like that right?Copy !req
414. Yeah that was good.Copy !req
415. Yeah totally.Copy !req
416. So would it be cool if
I crash here for a bit?Copy !req
417. Ah no problem, yeah.Copy !req
418. Um... are you sure
about this, Mark?Copy !req
419. Yes Darren, okay.Copy !req
420. I know you're not used to
meeting new people "IRL"Copy !req
421. but this guy's obviously cool.
Don't worry,Copy !req
422. I'll talk to your mom.
You guys have fun.Copy !req
423. I'll get out of your hair.Copy !req
424. Alright Mark, see ya.Copy !req
425. So, uh,Copy !req
426. what do you like to
do on your computer?Copy !req
427. Hey, hun.Copy !req
428. So, how 'd it go today?Copy !req
429. Let's see,
we played outside,Copy !req
430. met some new neighbors...Copy !req
431. Oh, and ah...
Darren made a new friend.Copy !req
432. So yeah,Copy !req
433. you could say it
went pretty well.Copy !req
434. Get out of here! That's great.Copy !req
435. Who's the friend?Copy !req
436. He's some neighbor kid.
You know, seems cool.Copy !req
437. He's actually upstairs in
Darren's room right now.Copy !req
438. Oh wow!
I should make them some snacks.Copy !req
439. You know if this kid's
got any allergies?Copy !req
440. Nah. Seems like the kind
of guy who'll eat anything.Copy !req
441. Oh yeah this guy's pretty funny.Copy !req
442. He mostly streams Farm CrossingCopy !req
443. but he's always
like, super baked.Copy !req
444. Oh dude, that's hilarious.Copy !req
445. If you want I can send you a
bunch of my favorite streamers.Copy !req
446. Oh thanks man,Copy !req
447. but you know we
don't get internetCopy !req
448. at our creepy old house so.Copy !req
449. Hmmm. I mean you're
not that far away.Copy !req
450. I can just like,Copy !req
451. get a WiFi amplifier.Copy !req
452. Oh dude are you serious?
That would be sick!Copy !req
453. Hey there kids I made you-Copy !req
454. Oh my god!Copy !req
455. Hey Mom! This is JD.Copy !req
456. Oh hey Ms. Hoagies.Copy !req
457. Uh... hi.Copy !req
458. Mark!Copy !req
459. What is that “Thing ”
in Darren's room?Copy !req
460. It's not a “Thing ” Tam.
It's the Jersey Devil.Copy !req
461. What!
You left my son aloneCopy !req
462. in a room with the Jersey Devil.Copy !req
463. Woah woah woah. That's not fair,
I consider him a son too, Tammy.Copy !req
464. Darren cannot be friends
with a “Satanic Beast ”!Copy !req
465. C'mon Tam.Copy !req
466. You gotta keep an
open mind here.Copy !req
467. It's not like Darren's the
most normal kid either.Copy !req
468. What the hell does that mean?Copy !req
469. I'm just saying.Copy !req
470. He's not Zack
fricken Morris, okay?Copy !req
471. Hate to break it to you but
if you expect his friendsCopy !req
472. to look like AC Slater,Copy !req
473. gonna be a little
disappointed Tam.Copy !req
474. Mark.Copy !req
475. Get up there and tell thatCopy !req
476. thing it needs to leave.Copy !req
477. Ughh fine.Copy !req
478. I'll be the bad cop.Copy !req
479. Hey Dar?Copy !req
480. Can I talk to you for a sec?Copy !req
481. Uh, in private if that's cool.Copy !req
482. Oh yeah no problem.Copy !req
483. You know I was just about
to go hit the vape so.Copy !req
484. So your mother wants
me to talk to youCopy !req
485. because she feels that
certain friends of yours,Copy !req
486. new friends,
may not be the best kind of...Copy !req
487. thing to be hanging out with.
You know your mother pfft.Copy !req
488. What! Oh come on!
He's actually cool.Copy !req
489. Listen I hear you
buddy okay but-Copy !req
490. Ugh, I finally make a friendCopy !req
491. and now I can't be
friends with him!Copy !req
492. Listen, you know how your
mom is with the wholeCopy !req
493. "I don't like the
devil" nonsense,Copy !req
494. you know. Forget it!Copy !req
495. Screw you both!Copy !req
496. Tell mom I'm out
“doing ” experiences.Copy !req
497. Ay come on Dar. Dar!Copy !req
498. Come on JD!Copy !req
499. Let's get out of here!Copy !req
500. Alright, you go
have fun alright?Copy !req
501. Crazy kids.Copy !req
502. Come on I got a
baloney in the car!Copy !req
503. Okay let's see here.
Okay, serial number is in.Copy !req
504. Are we almost done?Copy !req
505. Almost. Connor,Copy !req
506. can you go grab the
blacklight wand from the back.Copy !req
507. Blacklight wand? Why—Copy !req
508. Yeah just gotta make
sure it hasn't been used.Copy !req
509. Can't we just skip this part?Copy !req
510. Listen man,
I don't make the rules.Copy !req
511. Okay so what you want to do
is just run that over the dollCopy !req
512. and look for any glowing spots.Copy !req
513. Got it.Copy !req
514. Wait, what do the
glowing spots mean?Copy !req
515. Just scan the damn
thing, Connor.Copy !req
516. Okay. We're good.Copy !req
517. No no, no Connor.Copy !req
518. All the way down.Copy !req
519. What?
Come on, this is ridiculous.Copy !req
520. Uh...Copy !req
521. what does it mean if
the feet are glowing?Copy !req
522. So? How 'd it go?Copy !req
523. Eh not great. You know,
Darren climbed out the windowCopy !req
524. and they flew away.Copy !req
525. What!Copy !req
526. Are you kidding me!Copy !req
527. Oh my god there's no
winning with you, Tam!Copy !req
528. "Get him a friend" I do that.Copy !req
529. "Get him outta the
house" I did that.Copy !req
530. Whatever I do it's wrong!Copy !req
531. Mark, stop it.Copy !req
532. Just help me find him?Copy !req
533. Alright Tam,
but it's like a whole ordeal.Copy !req
534. You gotta build like a
stone temple pilots thingCopy !req
535. and then do a blood sacrifice.Copy !req
536. Okay, I say you
just give him time.Copy !req
537. This is classic,Copy !req
538. healthy teenage
rebellion stuff, okay?Copy !req
539. He'll be back.Copy !req
540. They're in the woods.Copy !req
541. Uh. Helicopter Parent Alert.Copy !req
542. You see this is the problem-Copy !req
543. In the car. Now.Copy !req
544. Sancta mater diaboli libera!Copy !req
545. Sorry.Copy !req
546. Would you mind gettingCopy !req
547. your other leg for me?Copy !req
548. Sure, no problem.Copy !req
549. Charles!Copy !req
550. Are you chanting or chatting?Copy !req
551. Sorry.Copy !req
552. Sancta mater diaboli libera!Copy !req
553. No no you don't sing it.Copy !req
554. Oh I thought we
were singing a song.Copy !req
555. You got a real nice
voice by the way.Copy !req
556. Doesn't she?Copy !req
557. I always tell her she soundsCopy !req
558. just like Tom Waits.Copy !req
559. That's not a
compliment, Charles!Copy !req
560. I can't believe my parents
kicked you out like that.Copy !req
561. They don't even know you!Copy !req
562. Oh it's fine. I'm used to it.Copy !req
563. I hate them sometimes.Copy !req
564. You know, believe me,Copy !req
565. parents can be a lot worse.Copy !req
566. Your dad seems
pretty cool actually.Copy !req
567. Mark?Copy !req
568. He's my stepdad and believe me,Copy !req
569. he's not cool.Copy !req
570. He tries way too hard.Copy !req
571. Well at least he tries.Copy !req
572. And my mom is a total
hypocrite, okay.Copy !req
573. First she wants
me to have friendsCopy !req
574. and then she says you're
not good enough for her?Copy !req
575. Like seriously?Copy !req
576. She's not completely
wrong, Darren.Copy !req
577. My dad is literally the devil.Copy !req
578. Who cares man?
That doesn't define you.Copy !req
579. There's a reason they
keep me chained up.Copy !req
580. Oh boy it's starting.Copy !req
581. What's starting?Copy !req
582. “It Is Time ”!Copy !req
583. Um... Time for what?Copy !req
584. “For The Sacrifice ”!Copy !req
585. Oh we're doing a campfire?Copy !req
586. I actually got a few
hot dogs in my pocket.Copy !req
587. Or are you just happy to see me?Copy !req
588. Knock it off and
get out of the way!Copy !req
589. Deborah, do we really
need to do this?Copy !req
590. He's a good guy.Copy !req
591. Yes, Charles.Copy !req
592. This is how it's been
done for over 300 years!Copy !req
593. But don't you ever feel likeCopy !req
594. we're perpetuating
this cycle of violence?Copy !req
595. I don't care what it feels like.Copy !req
596. It works.Copy !req
597. What's gotten into you man?Copy !req
598. “I Must Feed ”!Copy !req
599. Uh, feed on what?Copy !req
600. “Humans ”!Copy !req
601. Humans!Copy !req
602. I can't be friends with someoneCopy !req
603. who eats people,Copy !req
604. okay! Take me home!Copy !req
605. “Too Late, Darren ”!Copy !req
606. “I'm Blood-Lusting ”!Copy !req
607. “The Signal ”!Copy !req
608. “Dinner Time ”!Copy !req
609. !Copy !req
610. Hm this body tastes different.Copy !req
611. It's not bad though.Copy !req
612. There's like a hint of...Copy !req
613. what is that like,Copy !req
614. strawberry?Copy !req
615. Oo, my toes feel nice and warm, thanks.Copy !req
616. That's it!Copy !req
617. I'm putting my foot down.Copy !req
618. You fool!Copy !req
619. How else are we
going to lure the J-Copy !req
620. Hank?Copy !req
621. Oh hey Darren!Copy !req
622. We're doing s'mores and stuff.Copy !req
623. JD, you're early.Copy !req
624. We're still preheating the pyre.Copy !req
625. Nah. It's all good.
I'm full.Copy !req
626. What do you mean
you're full?Copy !req
627. I found this awesome
meat substitute,Copy !req
628. it tastes just like
berries and trash.Copy !req
629. What? But...Copy !req
630. the ritual!Copy !req
631. Hey you know what?
Screw your ritual!Copy !req
632. You're a bunch of enablers!Copy !req
633. It's all that damn
chanting that makes meCopy !req
634. all bloodlust-y in
the first place.Copy !req
635. See?Copy !req
636. Yo Devil!Copy !req
637. You think you can
steal my stepson?Copy !req
638. Not on my watch!Copy !req
639. Darren! Mom!Copy !req
640. No more hanging
with devils, okay?Copy !req
641. But he's my friend, mom.Copy !req
642. You can't be friends with that!Copy !req
643. Oh come on.Copy !req
644. Mark is friends with Mernft Man.
He's way worse.Copy !req
645. We'll talk about it later,Copy !req
646. but for now you're
grounded for a month.Copy !req
647. Okay. Sweet.Copy !req
648. I guess being grounded
for 300 yearsCopy !req
649. does seem a little excessive.Copy !req
650. Have you lost
your mind, Charles?Copy !req
651. He's the “Devil ”!Copy !req
652. JD watch out!Copy !req
653. Darren!Copy !req
654. Boom. Headshot.
You like that, Tam?Copy !req
655. Saved your kid- I mean our kid.Copy !req
656. My kid.
I love you, Dave.Copy !req
657. Mark?Copy !req
658. Hey, David.
Did you happen to getCopy !req
659. a delivery for me?Copy !req
660. Maybe like a big
box or something?Copy !req
661. Yeah, Mark. I did.
Was that for you?Copy !req
662. Yeah. Doin' a little project.
Didn't want, you know,Copy !req
663. Tam to get the wrong idea.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
664. Mhm, I see.Copy !req
665. Anyway, can I get that from you?Copy !req
666. Nope. It's gone.Copy !req
667. I destroyed it.Copy !req
668. Let me tell you, I absolutely
obliterated that thing.Copy !req
669. Aaaah David!
I bet you did, buddy!Copy !req
670. I bet you did! Yo!
Yo, there it is!Copy !req
671. Well I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Anyway, that was six grandCopy !req
672. so whenever you get a chance
you can just Venmo me.Copy !req