1. Mark, a soft
pretzel is not dinner.Copy !req
2. That's dessert.Copy !req
3. No, David,Copy !req
4. the cinnamon sugar
soft pretzel is dessert,Copy !req
5. but the cheese pretzel
can absolutely be dinner.Copy !req
6. It's got no nutritional value.Copy !req
7. Neither does lettuce, David.Copy !req
8. No thanks, pal. I'm good.Copy !req
9. Huh?Copy !req
10. I'm not here to sign up
for the Marines.Copy !req
11. Yeah, I didn't ask you.Copy !req
12. Yeah, but you were gonna ask me.
You were thinking about it.Copy !req
13. Actually, I wasn't.Copy !req
14. Oh please. I see
you sizing me up,Copy !req
15. thinking "That guy's
officer material."Copy !req
16. And I get it, I mean
I'm flattered, okay,Copy !req
17. but I'm good. Seriously.Copy !req
18. Yeah with all due respect,Copy !req
19. I don't think you
got what it takes.Copy !req
20. Oh yeah?
And what gives you that idea?Copy !req
21. Because you're
fat and you're oldCopy !req
22. and you've got cheese
sauce on your face?Copy !req
23. Okay, pfft.
And you're the expert?Copy !req
24. I'm a Navy Seal.Copy !req
25. Oh wow, I did BUDS.Copy !req
26. I carried some logs on a beachCopy !req
27. and then I tied
a knot in a pool.Copy !req
28. Get outta here dude.Copy !req
29. BUDS is the most challenging
military training in the world.Copy !req
30. You think you can handle that?Copy !req
31. What are you,
5'8," 45 years old,Copy !req
32. probably 200 lbs?Copy !req
33. Yeah, but it's what's
in here that counts.Copy !req
34. What's that?
A couple of soft pretzels?Copy !req
35. Yo give me that sign up sheet.Copy !req
36. You're gonna be
feeling pretty sillyCopy !req
37. when I'm back
here in a few weeksCopy !req
38. with a beret greener
than Kermit's ass.Copy !req
39. Yeah that's the
Army Special Forces.Copy !req
40. You a writer?Copy !req
41. I am actually,
how 'd you know?Copy !req
42. Argh... Mark...Copy !req
43. Hey hun.Copy !req
44. You said you'd make the bed.Copy !req
45. Uh, actually I said I'd
think about making the bedCopy !req
46. and I thought about it
and I've decided that makingCopy !req
47. the bed is a waste of timeCopy !req
48. because you're just
gonna mess it up again.Copy !req
49. It's not about the bed.
It's about the gesture.Copy !req
50. This is a shared space,
and I'd like it to look nice.Copy !req
51. Sorry, Tam. I can't.Copy !req
52. Hank and I are flying out
to San Diego to start BUDS.Copy !req
53. When I get backCopy !req
54. you're gonna be
married to a Navy Seal.Copy !req
55. Oh nice.
What's his name?Copy !req
56. Mark Hoagies.Copy !req
57. But they're gonna probably
call me Eagle Eye or something.Copy !req
58. I'm gonna be a sniper.Copy !req
59. Or I'm gonna be one
of the guys, you know,Copy !req
60. that explodes the doors. Pow!Copy !req
61. Okay, Rambo.Copy !req
62. Well, Navy Seals
can still make a bed.Copy !req
63. Wish I could, Tam,Copy !req
64. but my country needs me.Copy !req
65. Paperwork in your right hand.Copy !req
66. Bags in your left.Copy !req
67. Line up shoulder-to-shoulder.Copy !req
68. Now! Let's go!Copy !req
69. Let's go! Let's go!Copy !req
70. Oh man, this is
classic, right Hank?Copy !req
71. Ha, ha... Classic.Copy !req
72. Yo, I bet he's gonna
like call us "maggots."Copy !req
73. I am Chief Petty
Officer Phillips.Copy !req
74. From this point on you will
refer to me as "Chief."Copy !req
75. You will also respond
with "aye" instead of yes.Copy !req
76. Is that clear?Copy !req
77. Aye Chief!Copy !req
78. Sir Yes Sir! Crap. Aye Chief!Copy !req
79. Yo, you see that bell, Hank?Copy !req
80. That's the “Quitters Bell ”.
No way I'm ringing that thing.Copy !req
81. Here we go.Copy !req
82. Take off those
sunglasses, maggot.Copy !req
83. Classic.Copy !req
84. Hey!Copy !req
85. Ah, c'mon.Copy !req
86. Those were real Oakleys, boss.Copy !req
87. It's Chief.Copy !req
88. And I don't give a
crap what they were.Copy !req
89. Okay okay. I get it.
All part of the show.Copy !req
90. Well, Chief, bring it on.Copy !req
91. 'Cause I ain't
ringing that bell.Copy !req
92. Oorah!Copy !req
93. You're absolutely right;
you're never ringing that bell.Copy !req
94. Because that bell is for
"BUDS" Navy Seal training.Copy !req
95. You are enlisted inCopy !req
96. “Navy Reserve
Reserves Basic Training! ”Copy !req
97. So when you say reserveCopy !req
98. do you mean like in
whiskey how the reserveCopy !req
99. is the special, elite batch?Copy !req
100. No! This is the exact
opposite of that.Copy !req
101. Okay, well then I think
I'm in the wrong place.Copy !req
102. Let's go Hank.Copy !req
103. Hey!
You're not going anywhere.Copy !req
104. You want to be in BUDS,Copy !req
105. first you gotta make it
past “Me ”!Copy !req
106. No problem, Chief.Copy !req
107. - Hey! Hank!
- Huh?Copy !req
108. Come on! Let's go.Copy !req
109. Boom, now we're in Buds.Copy !req
110. When did you
become so patriotic?Copy !req
111. Well I have a very
special guest coming overCopy !req
112. and I want him to
feel comfortable.Copy !req
113. Are you pledging a fraternity?Copy !req
114. No, so I met this Navy
Seal and— get this—Copy !req
115. he wants me to
ghost write his memoir!Copy !req
116. This could be my
American Sniper!Copy !req
117. And you're sure
this guy's legit?Copy !req
118. He's not just some random crazy
dude you invited into our house?Copy !req
119. Wow, Andrea.Copy !req
120. This man is a decorated
member of our military.Copy !req
121. Show some respect!Copy !req
122. Oh my god. He's here.Copy !req
123. Out. Out. Okay, wow.Copy !req
124. I can't be in my
own living room?Copy !req
125. No. You're giving off some realCopy !req
126. anti-second amendment vibes.Copy !req
127. The chopper dropped us
about a mile from the village...Copy !req
128. it was pretty rough terrain,Copy !req
129. like the devil himself
had dragged a clawCopy !req
130. across the land...Copy !req
131. me and the boysCopy !req
132. we had no choice,
we just pressed on,Copy !req
133. I mean we had a job to do...Copy !req
134. Wow. This is incredible.Copy !req
135. And I'm sorry this was
with Seal Team Six?Copy !req
136. No.Copy !req
137. This was Seal Team X.Copy !req
138. Hm. Never heard of them.Copy !req
139. Well there's a reason for that.Copy !req
140. Ooooh. Juicy.Copy !req
141. Oh it gets juicier, bud.Copy !req
142. The tribe greeted
us pretty warmly.Copy !req
143. Simple people,
but highly intelligent.Copy !req
144. And what tribe was this?Copy !req
145. The Pashtuns? The Tajiks?Copy !req
146. The Schmagegglebops.Copy !req
147. Hm.Copy !req
148. And what was the mission again?Copy !req
149. There was, like,
a terrorist or something?Copy !req
150. Argh, All we were told was that
this was a high value targetCopy !req
151. and to execute on sight.Copy !req
152. Only intel we had was that
he was about 4'5" blue-skin,Copy !req
153. big white beard with a giant
gold jewel in his forehead.Copy !req
154. Blue skin?Copy !req
155. So is that like a ceremonial
body paint thing?Copy !req
156. No., no, no...Copy !req
157. These guys are
full on blue gnomes.Copy !req
158. Then they got this radical sectCopy !req
159. that's trying to ethnically
cleanse the Dillydoos.Copy !req
160. Dillydoos?Copy !req
161. Yeah they're like theseCopy !req
162. orange fuzzy things
with googly eyes.Copy !req
163. Poor bastards.Copy !req
164. Right.Copy !req
165. Alright ladies,Copy !req
166. hope you enjoyed
your last sleep 'til Friday.Copy !req
167. Are you ready for the
hardest week of your life?Copy !req
168. Oh hell yeah, Hank.
Did you hear that?Copy !req
169. We're just in time
for Hell Week.Copy !req
170. That's like the filet
mignon of BUDS.Copy !req
171. Uh, whose bed is this?Copy !req
172. Mine, Sir.Copy !req
173. What's your name?Copy !req
174. Hoagies, sir.Copy !req
175. But you can call me Eagle Eye.Copy !req
176. That is my cool sniper name.Copy !req
177. You've been here
the whole time?Copy !req
178. I don't recognize you.Copy !req
179. I try to make
myself invisible, sir.Copy !req
180. It's a sniper thing.Copy !req
181. How old are you?Copy !req
182. Uh... twenty-five sir.Copy !req
183. You're twenty-five?Copy !req
184. Damn boy.
You grew up hard, huh?Copy !req
185. Uh... yeah it's uh... progeria.Copy !req
186. What the hell is that?Copy !req
187. Genetic disease that
makes you look old, sir.Copy !req
188. I'm sorta the GI Jane
of progeria people, sir.Copy !req
189. Right.Copy !req
190. First you better
make that bed, recruit.Copy !req
191. Come on dude,
we're elite special forces.Copy !req
192. Can't we like get the army guys
to make our beds or something?Copy !req
193. You're not elite
special anything.Copy !req
194. You're not even a tadpole.Copy !req
195. Make the bed. Now.Copy !req
196. Ah, Yes sir.Copy !req
197. Okay, let's see here...Copy !req
198. Fold the sheet here.Copy !req
199. That looks about
right. That's right, yeah?Copy !req
200. C'mon recruit.
This is basic boot camp stuff.Copy !req
201. Exactly!
So let's go to the beachCopy !req
202. and lift some logs.
Come on.Copy !req
203. Nobody leaves this bunkCopy !req
204. until I can bounce a
quarter off your bed.Copy !req
205. Aw damn,Copy !req
206. that's the tightest
bed I've ever seen.Copy !req
207. Yeah see that's no good.Copy !req
208. Nobody actually wants
to sleep in a bed like that.Copy !req
209. It's not fluffy enough... sir.Copy !req
210. Recruits.
Get down and beat your facesCopy !req
211. until Hoagies makes the bed.Copy !req
212. Let's go Hoagies!Copy !req
213. Aye sir.Copy !req
214. Okay, uhhhh.Copy !req
215. Just missed breakfast, boys.
We'll stay as long as it takes.Copy !req
216. Okay, come on.Copy !req
217. I wanna see hospital corners!Copy !req
218. Come on, Hoagies.Copy !req
219. You're really letting your
brothers down, Hoagies.Copy !req
220. Relax, okay.Copy !req
221. I'm working on it.Copy !req
222. Alright, give me some space.
Just give me some space.Copy !req
223. You're all over me!Copy !req
224. You guys are all over me.Copy !req
225. Just get off!Copy !req
226. I wanna go home.Copy !req
227. I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.Copy !req
228. Well, I'll be damned.Copy !req
229. Mark?Copy !req
230. Back already, eh?Copy !req
231. Missed you so much.Copy !req
232. How was it?Copy !req
233. I'd rather not talk about it.Copy !req
234. Right. Well,
I'm gonna go to work.Copy !req
235. I'll let you do your thing.Copy !req
236. Mark?Copy !req
237. What's up?Copy !req
238. I said I'm gonna go to work.Copy !req
239. I assume you'll be getting
into your next silly thing.Copy !req
240. Buying a jackhammer
or a snowmobileCopy !req
241. or something stupid...Copy !req
242. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jackmobile.Copy !req
243. Snowhammer. Yeah. Got it.Copy !req
244. You getting in, or...Copy !req
245. Yeah hon, I just...
need a second.Copy !req
246. Huh?Copy !req
247. Hey Mark.Copy !req
248. Did you sleep in bed last night?Copy !req
249. No, Ma'am.
If I don't sleep in the bedCopy !req
250. I don't gotta make the bed.Copy !req
251. I didn't ask you
to make the bed.Copy !req
252. You were thinking it though.Copy !req
253. Argh... No actually, I wasn't.Copy !req
254. Sure. Yeah, you think
I can't do it, eh?Copy !req
255. Just like all the
rest of them. Yeah?Copy !req
256. You think I'm too dumb?Copy !req
257. Uh... What?Copy !req
258. Fine. I'll make the damn bed.Copy !req
259. You think I can't make a bed?Copy !req
260. I can make a bed, dammit!Copy !req
261. I ain't afraid of
damn, stupid sheets!Copy !req
262. Okay...Copy !req
263. well I'm going to work.Copy !req
264. Blue people?Copy !req
265. What're you writing
Smurfs fan fiction?Copy !req
266. I have no idea.Copy !req
267. He keeps calling them likeCopy !req
268. Schmagegglebops or something.Copy !req
269. Okay, David.Copy !req
270. This guy is clearly crazy.
You need to end this.Copy !req
271. You want me to tell a Navy SealCopy !req
272. that I'm quitting
after one session?Copy !req
273. These guys are like
obsessed with not quitting.Copy !req
274. Do you really want to write this
thousand page Avatar knockoff?Copy !req
275. No, but...Copy !req
276. you know how I am
with confrontation...Copy !req
277. David. Enough.
Man up and end it.Copy !req
278. Yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am.Copy !req
279. Mark? Mark?Copy !req
280. I can't do it.Copy !req
281. Oh! It's okay.Copy !req
282. You don't have to
make the bed, Mark.Copy !req
283. Oh! It's okay,Copy !req
284. it's okay! Shhh.Copy !req
285. Something happened
to me over there.Copy !req
286. Ah... over where?Copy !req
287. Ever since I came
back stateside, I just,Copy !req
288. I haven't been the
same you know.Copy !req
289. Mark, you were in
San Diego...Copy !req
290. for a day.Copy !req
291. Was I? Really? I just...
Sorry it all blends together.Copy !req
292. The point is, I...Copy !req
293. It's just really hard
for me to talk about.Copy !req
294. You can tell me.
It's okay.Copy !req
295. I was surrounded...Copy !req
296. everyone was yelling.Copy !req
297. It was chaos.
Sergeant's barking orders.Copy !req
298. I see his lips movingCopy !req
299. but... all I hear
is like... ringing.Copy !req
300. I knew the mission,Copy !req
301. but... the stakes were
so damn high, Tam.Copy !req
302. It's like every time I put
the fitted sheet on a corner,Copy !req
303. the other side would pop off.Copy !req
304. Hold on.Copy !req
305. Are you talking
about making a bed?Copy !req
306. That's what this is about?Copy !req
307. Yeah... It was horrible.Copy !req
308. Oh you think it's funny?Copy !req
309. You didn't see what I
saw over there, okay!Copy !req
310. You don't know what it's
like being in the line of fire!Copy !req
311. Mark hun, come on.Copy !req
312. You're just feeling embarrassedCopy !req
313. that you couldn't make
it through bootcamp.Copy !req
314. I can't believe
what I'm hearing.Copy !req
315. You're trauma-shaming me!Copy !req
316. I thought you
supported the troops!Copy !req
317. Pfft!Copy !req
318. Embarrassed!Copy !req
319. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
320. I'm actually proud
because I got a very seriousCopy !req
321. and heroic condition that
only brave soldiers get!Copy !req
322. We didn't want to risk
being spotted by the birdsCopy !req
323. near the wizard school, see,Copy !req
324. cause you know,Copy !req
325. sometimes the birds
are actually wizard kidsCopy !req
326. doing that animal
magic or whatever.Copy !req
327. Right.Copy !req
328. And where was this again?Copy !req
329. Abracadabrastan.Copy !req
330. Abracadabrastan.Copy !req
331. Listen,
I don't think I can do this.Copy !req
332. Woah! What are
you talking about?Copy !req
333. I'm giving you great material!Copy !req
334. I know. It's just...Copy !req
335. I thought this was gonna
be more of a memoir,Copy !req
336. and instead you're
pitching me Stargate meetsCopy !req
337. Smurfs meets Candyland
or something, you know?Copy !req
338. I'm telling you.
I was there, man.Copy !req
339. I got notes! Pages of notes!Copy !req
340. This stuff is as
real as it gets!Copy !req
341. I know, I'm sure!Copy !req
342. Listen, I can recommend
a really good therapist if—Copy !req
343. Hey man! I'm not crazy!Copy !req
344. I need you to tell my story!Copy !req
345. Well I can't write it
if I don't believe it.Copy !req
346. Well then, I'll show you.Copy !req
347. You're coming on a ride along.Copy !req
348. Yeah, I don't know if I
have time for a ride along...Copy !req
349. Alright sure! Sounds great.Copy !req
350. Yo one more...Copy !req
351. We're closing, friend.Copy !req
352. Last call was
thirty minutes ago.Copy !req
353. C'mon dude. I got PTSD.Copy !req
354. You look like you've
had a long day.Copy !req
355. Maybe it's time to go to bed.Copy !req
356. What did you say to me?Copy !req
357. Nothing.Copy !req
358. I just said maybe it's time
for bed. That's all.Copy !req
359. Hey, man. It's okay.
He didn't mean any harm.Copy !req
360. You're a Seal, huh?Copy !req
361. I don't really like
to talk about it.Copy !req
362. Hey man, I get it.Copy !req
363. The name's Arnold.Copy !req
364. What's up dude.
Eagle Eye.Copy !req
365. Eagle Eye.
Cool name.Copy !req
366. I had a feeling
you was a sniper.Copy !req
367. Oh yeah?
Do I give off sniper vibes?Copy !req
368. Big time.
I bet you seen some stuff.Copy !req
369. Oh dude.
You don't even know, okay.Copy !req
370. I got crazy PTSD actually.Copy !req
371. Proud of you, man.Copy !req
372. Not easy sharing our painCopy !req
373. but it's the first step
towards feeling whole again.Copy !req
374. So what's the second step?Copy !req
375. For some, it's about moving on
with life.Copy !req
376. Finding joy in
family or whatever.Copy !req
377. But for other men,Copy !req
378. the few,Copy !req
379. the rare spartan
breed of iron-hearted,Copy !req
380. pain-guzzling sickos,Copy !req
381. there's only one way forward...Copy !req
382. and that's by going
right back into hell,Copy !req
383. the only forge hot
enough to reshape us.Copy !req
384. Damn dude. That's no joke.Copy !req
385. So, you tell me.Copy !req
386. What kind of man
are you, Eagle Eye?Copy !req
387. Uh... I'm gonna go
with the second one.Copy !req
388. That sounded like the cool one.Copy !req
389. That's what I thought.Copy !req
390. What's this?Copy !req
391. An address.Copy !req
392. Tomorrow night. 9pm.Copy !req
393. So the rainbow-cano's in Nevada?Copy !req
394. Are you sure you're not
thinking of Las Vegas?Copy !req
395. Nah.
This definitely ain't Vegas.Copy !req
396. Woah!Copy !req
397. Space gate? Seal
Team X operator codeCopy !req
398. alpha two niner requesting
permission to enter.Copy !req
399. Uh. Permission granted.Copy !req
400. Alright hold on to your helmet.Copy !req
401. It's about to get weird.Copy !req
402. Oh my god oh my god oh my god.Copy !req
403. Oh my god!Copy !req
404. Are we dead?Copy !req
405. Nah, man.Copy !req
406. You just traveled
through a wormhole.Copy !req
407. Holy crap.Copy !req
408. You see that building
at your three o'clock?Copy !req
409. That's the Wizard school.Copy !req
410. Woah!
That's a real wizard student!Copy !req
411. So, believe me now?Copy !req
412. Oh yes! I am sorry
I ever doubted you!Copy !req
413. Well, good.Copy !req
414. We should probably
head back thoughCopy !req
415. before the wizzies alert
the Shmagegglebops.Copy !req
416. You mean those
little guys right there?Copy !req
417. Wait what?Copy !req
418. Oh crap.Copy !req
419. Time to go. Brace yourself.Copy !req
420. Wait what's the matter?
They're adorable.Copy !req
421. No. They're hostile.Copy !req
422. Missile! Incoming!Copy !req
423. Oh damnit,Copy !req
424. brace for impact!
We're going down!Copy !req
425. Oh my god! Woah woah woah woah!Copy !req
426. Well, look who showed up.Copy !req
427. Yo, nice warehouse, dude, classic.Copy !req
428. Eagle Eye, meet
"The Expandables."Copy !req
429. These guys are all
ex-special forces, like you.Copy !req
430. Live on beer, gear,
and kickin' ass.Copy !req
431. Damn these guys are no joke.Copy !req
432. Oh. You ain't seen nothing yet.Copy !req
433. Wait til you meet the new guy.Copy !req
434. Goes by the name "Braindead."Copy !req
435. Psycho graduated
BUDS in four days,Copy !req
436. and never once stopped smiling.Copy !req
437. Ah. Here he is now.Copy !req
438. Hank?Copy !req
439. Oh hey Mark!Copy !req
440. You missed Hell Week.
It was super fun.Copy !req
441. We played in the water.
We ran around on the beach.Copy !req
442. And get this, no bed time!Copy !req
443. Ride's here.Copy !req
444. Where we headed?Copy !req
445. Rescue Mission.Copy !req
446. Abracadabrastan.Copy !req
447. Yoooo. That guy!Copy !req
448. Ooh,
wait 'til this dude seesCopy !req
449. who's rescuing his ass.
This is gonna be classic!Copy !req
450. Please don't kill me!Copy !req
451. Calm yourself.
We are a peaceful people.Copy !req
452. Don't trust anything he says.Copy !req
453. Well, if you're so peaceful,
why did he just hit my friend?Copy !req
454. We only strike those
who attack us first.Copy !req
455. But aren't you guys like
terrorists or something.Copy !req
456. To the oppressor,Copy !req
457. anyone who
resists is a terrorist.Copy !req
458. We are merely just fighting
to preserve our way of life.Copy !req
459. I worry that soon our cultureCopy !req
460. and rich traditions
will be no more.Copy !req
461. Our history wiped away.
If we lose this fight,Copy !req
462. who will tell our story?Copy !req
463. Share our truth.Copy !req
464. Share your truth?
Well, guess what?Copy !req
465. I'm a writer.Copy !req
466. You know, I sensed that.Copy !req
467. Listen up,Copy !req
468. we're headed to a highly
secured compound.Copy !req
469. Place is crawling
with hostile extremists.Copy !req
470. This could get messy.
Let's gear up, boys.Copy !req
471. Oooh. Love me a bit of messy.Copy !req
472. Hey Eagle Eye, where's your kit?Copy !req
473. Oh. Was I supposed
to bring my own?Copy !req
474. Wasn't on the little note
you gave me at the bar there.Copy !req
475. Take this.Copy !req
476. Oh hell yeah.Copy !req
477. This is just like Call of Duty.Copy !req
478. Yo where's the thing
that like cocks the...Copy !req
479. I don't know about this wanker.Copy !req
480. I looked this dude up.Copy !req
481. And there's no trace
of any military record.Copy !req
482. I'm telling you, he's legit.Copy !req
483. Whoops! Sorry about that.
Somehow popped the safety off.Copy !req
484. Yo can I get another gun?
I think this one's a lemon.Copy !req
485. We're clear.Copy !req
486. Okay boys.Copy !req
487. Sync you're watches.
We move in two.Copy !req
488. So Mark, you excited for your
first combat mission?Copy !req
489. Wait what?Copy !req
490. Yeah. Mark had some
problems making his bedCopy !req
491. at boot camp so he quit,Copy !req
492. but he's real good
at Call of Duty.Copy !req
493. He's been telling porky pies.Copy !req
494. Seal Team X?Copy !req
495. Man, this dude couldn't even
make it through basic basic.Copy !req
496. - Give me one good reason
- Yo, chill.Copy !req
497. why I shouldn't split
your numpty noggin.Copy !req
498. Because right now,
we need every man we've got.Copy !req
499. Yeah, you knowCopy !req
500. maybe I didn't make
it through bootcamp,Copy !req
501. but that's just
because I'm not someCopy !req
502. mindless conformist soldier.Copy !req
503. I am a warrior in
an army of one.Copy !req
504. And believe me, when
a poop hits the fan,Copy !req
505. it's Eagle Eye you want
up there in that sniper's nest,Copy !req
506. watching your backs.Copy !req
507. Oh you'll be watching our backs,Copy !req
508. just not as a sniper.Copy !req
509. Yo! Hey!Copy !req
510. You take this.Copy !req
511. Ooh. A detonator? Hell, yeah.
Let's blow some doors, dude.Copy !req
512. It's a walkie-talkie.
You're on lookout.Copy !req
513. You stay here and radio inCopy !req
514. if you see any of these blue
bastards enter the building.Copy !req
515. Oh come on, really?Copy !req
516. Just because I didn't make
one stupid bed in boot camp?Copy !req
517. It ain't about the bed.Copy !req
518. It's about the details.
It's about discipline.Copy !req
519. It's about you showing
your teammatesCopy !req
520. that you're willing to do
the little things that in war,Copy !req
521. mean the difference
between life and death.Copy !req
522. I get that you wanna
spit lead and split heads,Copy !req
523. but war ain't about
what you want to do,Copy !req
524. it's about what your
team needs you to do,Copy !req
525. and right now,
we need you on lookout.Copy !req
526. So, can we count
on you, brother?Copy !req
527. Sir, yes, sir.Copy !req
528. Good.Copy !req
529. Let's roll, boys.Copy !req
530. Your way of life
seems so... enlightened.Copy !req
531. And so it remained
until the portal openedCopy !req
532. and your people enteredCopy !req
533. with your large guns and
your loud flying machines.Copy !req
534. They told us it was a
peace-keeping mission,Copy !req
535. but soon we learned
why they were really here.Copy !req
536. What! Why?Copy !req
537. For our natural resources.
To steal our ancient magic.Copy !req
538. Oh, give me a break.Copy !req
539. I'm so sorry for what
we've done to your people.Copy !req
540. Why didn't you tell
me the truth, Jack?Copy !req
541. I did.
Everything I told you was true.Copy !req
542. These aren't the
good guys, David.Copy !req
543. - They're genocidal maniacs.
- Help meeee.Copy !req
544. You know what, Jack?
You can find another writerCopy !req
545. to spread your
jingoistic propaganda.Copy !req
546. I promise to share
the real story—Copy !req
547. the Schmagegglebop story.Copy !req
548. Oh thanks, David.
I knew not all humans were bad.Copy !req
549. So what was it exactly
that the military was after?Copy !req
550. Tell me.Copy !req
551. The life stones.Copy !req
552. Harvested from deep
inside the rainbow-cano,Copy !req
553. these crystals
grant their wearerCopy !req
554. the power of invincibility.Copy !req
555. Invincibility?Copy !req
556. Mhm, anyone wearing this crystalCopy !req
557. cannot be harmed.Copy !req
558. Got em, we gotta go.Copy !req
559. Oh my god. What did you do?Copy !req
560. Oh, hey David!Copy !req
561. Hank?Copy !req
562. But I thought he just said...Copy !req
563. Yeah.Copy !req
564. Like I told you,
they're full of crap.Copy !req
565. !Copy !req
566. There you go, Dilly-bros.Copy !req
567. You're free to go.Copy !req
568. It ain't about the bed,
it's about the discipline,Copy !req
569. the details...Copy !req
570. Yo you got this, soldier...Copy !req
571. It's an ambush! Take cover!Copy !req
572. Hey Mark.Copy !req
573. Yo Hank. Just in time.Copy !req
574. Pretzel Boy?
Well I'll be damned.Copy !req
575. So much blood.Copy !req
576. So much death.Copy !req
577. We gotta go, now.Copy !req
578. Woah, woah, woah. Hold on.Copy !req
579. You gotta check it out.
Look at the bed.Copy !req
580. Die!Copy !req
581. Mark, watch out!Copy !req
582. Argh!Copy !req
583. Damn.Copy !req
584. That's the tightest
bed I've ever seen.Copy !req
585. Yo I nailed it, right?Copy !req
586. We lost everyone.Copy !req
587. Yeah, it's a shame,Copy !req
588. but listen, hey, if you
want some flags folded...Copy !req
589. I'm your guy.Copy !req
590. Hey, uhCopy !req
591. sorry I doubted you but if
you want to meet tomorrowCopy !req
592. for a little writing
sesh you know...Copy !req
593. I'm down.Copy !req
594. I'm good.Copy !req
595. Holy moly, Mark...Copy !req
596. I'm impressed.
So you okay now?Copy !req
597. I'm more than okay.
I'm proud.Copy !req
598. Proud to serve
my beautiful wife.Copy !req
599. Hoorah, love you babe!Copy !req
600. Oh wow. Okay.Copy !req
601. Well soldier,
for your next mission,Copy !req
602. I need you to empty
the dishwasher.Copy !req
603. Let's not get crazy, okay.Copy !req
604. Blue on Blue, a navy
seal in Abracadabrastan.Copy !req
605. Walter Isaacson?Copy !req
606. Ah!Copy !req