1. All right, everybody!
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2. Who's ready for
"Billy & 2 Scoops?"
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3. Stand by for first team.
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4. I don't get it.
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5. The show has always
been called "2 Scoops."
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6. They can't just add Billy
to the title for no reason.
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7. Marcus, honey,
they have a great reason.
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8. Everyone loves Billy!
I know I do.
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9. But I'm the lead.
So what?
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10. Billy gets a few laughs.
Now, he's the next Urkel?
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11. I mean, even Billy's fanclub
is twice the size of mine.
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12. Well, he's twice as funny.
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13. Stop it.
Your dad is so bad.
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14. Well, at least
he's not my real dad.
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15. You know, you should thank
your lucky stars for that.
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16. Hmm?
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17. You'd still be living
in a taxi cab
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18. if your unhinged father
didn't go to jail.
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19. Go, take your mark.
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20. All right.
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21. We're gettin' ready to go.
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22. All right, gang,
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23. we've got
a great show for you today.
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24. We hope you all...
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25. Okay, here we go.
Ready, three, two, one.
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26. Mmm.
Lenny Scoops,
you slow down!
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27. You'll hurt your tummy.
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28. Oh, yeah?
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29. Tell that to my sweet tooth!
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30. We have to open
the ice cream store.
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31. I wonder what's taking
Billy so long?
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32. He's so cute!
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33. Marcus!
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34. Marcus, it's your line.
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35. Oh!
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36. Oh, my fucking God!
Holy shit!
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37. Who's a good boy
now, Billy?
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38. God! Oh, shit!
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39. Line?
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40. Hello?
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41. Anybody in there?
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42. How the hell am I supposed
to pick up this package?
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43. Cross the moat.
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44. Hell no! You go.
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45. Uh, that water
is gross as fuck.
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46. I'm not swimming
in that toilet river.
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47. This doesn't
make any sense.
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48. I'm gonna throw
a rock at it.
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49. Oh, great idea, genius.
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50. Don't you say it.
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51. Um...
Oh!
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52. Right here.
I-I told you so.
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53. This way.
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54. The fuck?
Where are you goin'?
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55. You heard the creepy
disembodied voice.
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56. "This way."
Come on, coward.
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57. Getting warmer.
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58. Now he's giggling.
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59. I can't believe
you're enjoying this.
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60. Oh, come on.
It's like a haunted house.
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61. The smoke, the creepy lighting.
I'm half expecting
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62. a vampire to just pop out
of the smoke and say—
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63. Hello.
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64. God-Oh, my God.
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65. You got me, man.
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66. Oh, please tell me
you live down here.
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67. Oh, no.
I don't live down here.
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68. Twist!
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69. I don't have time
for this tomfoolery.
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70. Show yourself.
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71. Why would I reveal my face?
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72. You see,
there's power in anonymity.
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73. Wait a minute.
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74. Are you Calypso?
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75. What?
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76. I read that name everywhere.
"Believe in Calypso."
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77. "Calypso is real."
Yeah! Are you him?
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78. I guess that means yes. Huh.
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79. Secret compartment. Choice.
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80. Hey, Calypso, I usually
get a supply bump
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81. when picking up deliveries.
We need gas, man.
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82. The package
is what you've earned.
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83. No more, no less,
no free handouts.
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84. Well, can we at least
get a peek inside?
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85. Or a deep dish
for the road?
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86. What are you gonna
do with a dish?
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87. It's not a dish, dummy.
It's a pizza.
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88. Oh, my God.
Have you never had pizza?
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89. Oh, we have to try it.
It's like, uh—
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90. imagine a wheel
made of bread and cheese.
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91. Oh, fuck. I want that.
Yeah, we want that.
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92. You have what you need.
Now, get.
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93. Take it back to Raven
like a good milkman.
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94. Your San Francisco
treat awaits.
Ding ding.
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95. This is really well done.
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96. Thank you.
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97. Oh, and John, may all
your wishes come true.
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98. That was cool.
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99. I mean, I gotta hand it
to that Calypso guy.
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100. What a showman.
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101. Do you think that steam
was actually coming
from the pipes,
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102. or do you think
it was dry ice
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103. that he filtered in
for ambiance.
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104. I'm more concerned
with making it
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105. to New San Francisco
in one piece.
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106. Just let me take the wheel.
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107. I got it. See?
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108. Now we can't go back the way
we came after Topeka,
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109. so now we're gonna have to go
north and hook back around.
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110. Oh. There's a Pits.
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111. Cool.
That sounds awesome.
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112. Should we stop
at the Taints after?
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113. Funny.
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114. It's an old milkman pitstop.
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115. You stop off, share intel
on delivery routes,
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116. gas up, maybe get some chow.
Shit, maybe even a shower.
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117. Uh, why the fuck didn't
we stop by one sooner?
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118. Well, 'cause there are
only two of them left.
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119. They have very strict
ground rules.
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120. Rule one-
don't talk about your job.
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121. No one cares
what you're moving,
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122. but what you're getting paid-
that's a different story,
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123. so we leave it at the door.
Mmm-hmm.
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124. Rule two-
no weapons allowed.
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125. Anything can be a weapon.
I stabbed you with a pen.
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126. What about your hands?
You can strangle, pummel.
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127. You can thumb-fuck the eyes.
Your hands aren't that strong.
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128. They seem pretty
strong to me.
I'll pull over.
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129. Why would you do that?
We're on a schedule.
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130. Woah! Oh, got it. Oh-
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131. Roberts for Agent Stone.
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132. Come in Agent Stone.
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133. Go for Stone.
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134. Agent Stone, sir, it's—
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135. Look, this better be about
the mute and the milkman.
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136. Sir, it's the clown.
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137. Sweet Tooth hit
our Colorado outpost,
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138. just like Utah
and the dam.
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139. He killed everyone and took
the prisoners with him.
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140. Fuck! Ah! Ugh!
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141. No. Oh, no.
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142. Also, not urgent,
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143. but there was a small snafu
at the motor pool.
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144. Minor collision,
Jamie and I are fine but—
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145. Shut up, he doesn't
want to hear it.
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146. You don't know that.
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147. Uh, sir, everything's fine.
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148. Listen.
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149. Nevada, Utah, Colorado.
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150. These are not just
random attacks.
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151. That smiley faced son of a bitch
is going somewhere.
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152. Now, don't go asking
for different drink flavours.
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153. You get what you get,
and you don't get upset.
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154. So, eat up
and take your shits.
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155. Maybe play some
pick-up basketball.
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156. No snack for you.
You're with me.
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157. Come on. Sure.
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158. Harold!
You're in charge.
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159. Uh, everything okay?
Ah, sweet of you to ask.
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160. Look at my fan club.
Growing every day.
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161. But not everybody
believed in me.
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162. We didn't just stop here
for poops and hoops.
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163. We're here
for something important.
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164. What?
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165. Closure.
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166. Ow! Steering wheel. Ugh.
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167. Evelyn leave a love mark?
She likes to play rough.
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168. She's not a real girl, John.
I know.
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169. So, this is where
the milkmen hang out.
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170. Wow, it really is the pits.
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171. All right,
let's divide and conquer.
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172. My thoughts exactly.
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173. I bless you
an honorary milkman.
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174. You gas up, I supply up.
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175. Hey.
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176. Hey piss flaps,
I was next.
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177. At least get a girl off
before treating her like shit.
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178. I outta choke you.
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179. Ooh, promise?
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180. Bye, Grady.
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181. He's got nothing.
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182. Tiny little penis.
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183. You're up.
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184. Thanks.
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185. I thought, uh, weapons
weren't allowed.
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186. Oops!
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187. I haven't seen you
around here.
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188. Are you taking over
a territory?
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189. Oh, no.
I'm here with—
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190. Johnny?
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191. Mary?
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192. Oh, my God.
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193. Hmm.
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194. Hi.
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195. You left me for dead,
asshole!
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196. I thought you were dead,
asshole!
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197. I guess you two
know each other?
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198. What-
wait-wait-wait-wait.
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199. You're with this
son of a bitch?
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200. How clenched do you think
his butthole is right now?
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201. Oh, I'm gonna guess
it's pretty tight.
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202. Mm-hm, like a teeny
tiny starfish.
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203. Did you miss me?
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204. So seven shots in,
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205. Johnny bets me he can
surf his car.
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206. We go out in the parking lot.
He gets Evelyn to 60.
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207. And as he climbs
through the window, bam!
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208. His ass ragdolls
on the concrete.
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209. Just blood pouring
out of his head.
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210. It's so funny,
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211. because he told me
that he got that scar
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212. from a seven-on-one
vulture car chase.
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213. That's how I got
the other scar.
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214. Mm-hm.
Uh-huh.
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215. So, how did you two meet?
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216. My mother,
may she rest in peace,
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217. ran one of the first pits
in sunny San Juan Capistrano.
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218. When she croaked,
I took over
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219. and Johnny would pass
through to, um—
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220. what'cha call it?
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221. Drain your tank?
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222. Fill her up.
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223. Nuzzle the guzzle.
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224. C'mon, man.
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225. Then a gang of burnouts
torched the place.
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226. A blessing in disguise, honestly.
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227. I would've done anything to get
the hell out of there.
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228. Johnny knows.
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229. I heard about the fire.
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230. And you didn't
come back for me?
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231. They said nobody survived.
Well this bitch did.
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232. Luckily, I knew a place
in a church
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233. where no one
could find me.
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234. The bell tower?
Oh, my God.
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235. I haven't thought about
that place in ages.
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236. All the bird shit!
The bird shit!
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237. Of course that's
what you remember.
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238. We made love there.
So now you're a milkman.
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239. Mm-hm.
No thanks to you.
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240. I always wanted
to be a milkman,
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241. but no one
took me seriously.
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242. Ain't that right,
Johnny?
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243. So what's
your story, hm?
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244. No way
you're driving cars.
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245. I mean, that ass
is way too perky.
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246. I'm from the OC where
they cut off body parts
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247. and wear them
like jewellery.
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248. Sounds fun.
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249. Never leave
a woman's glass empty.
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250. Shots on Johnny!
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251. Yeah, lucky me.
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252. Okay, Quiet.
Look, about Mary...
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253. Oh my gosh, you weren't
a virgin when I met you?
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254. I could give two soggy dumps
about your ex.
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255. You're dicking around.
We're on a schedule.
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256. Dicking around?
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257. Before you came up,
I found out
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258. there was a vultures nest
a few clicks from here
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259. that we definitely
would have driven into.
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260. I say we butter up
these milkmen
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261. with a few buttery nips.
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262. Get what intel we can
and get the hell out of here.
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263. Okay fine.
One more drink.
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264. Yeah.
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265. Hey, hey, hey!
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266. All right!
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267. Whoa!
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268. Bloody Mary's a character,
isn't she?
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269. Bloody Mary, really?
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270. Hey, you're laughing,
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271. but she's made
more runs than anyone.
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272. She'll wipe out
a whole vultures nest
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273. just for craps
and cackles.
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274. Nicknames
mean a lot out here.
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275. We all got one.
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276. Pizza Boy,
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277. Petunia,
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278. Pit Viper.
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279. Well, I can't wait
to hear yours.
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280. They call me
Mr. Slam.
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281. Why?
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282. 'Cause I can crush anything
with my massive penis.
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283. Sorry.
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284. You have a shower here?
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285. Out back.
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286. We got everything
to take the road ass
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287. right off of you.
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288. Here.
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289. For your nooks
and crannies.
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290. Mr. Slam, don't you worry
about my crannies.
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291. Pizza, baby!
Pizza, baby.
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292. Pizza.
I'm Pizza guy.
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293. Yeah. People love pizza.
You never lose.
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294. You never trust a guy
that wears a jacket inside.
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295. Yeah,
you fuckin' hang up on him.
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296. You know,
my parents sent me here
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297. because I got in a disagreement
with my co-star.
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298. Well, actually, they sent me
to the kiddy ward.
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299. And then I moved to
the juvie wellness centre.
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300. Oh, and then finally
got bumped up to Blackfield
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301. after I murdered
my roommate.
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302. Trust me, that guy
was a psychopath.
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303. What did he do?
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304. He thought Chris Kirkpatrick
was the best member of NSYNC.
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305. Are you nuts?
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306. But this-this is where
I grew up.
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307. It was hard at first.
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308. Nobody came to see me.
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309. Not even my parents.
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310. They said they would,
but they lied!
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311. You felt alone.
I get it.
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312. Don't make this
about you, Stuart.
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313. It's unbecoming. Sorry.
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314. Then I got to know
the guys in here.
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315. And guess what?
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316. They were just like me.
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317. Yeah.
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318. Blackfield was
the best ten years
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319. of my 25-to-life.
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320. Hold onto your butt crack.
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321. We're going in.
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322. Home, sweet home.
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323. Huh, still smells
the same.
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324. Your co-star was a dog?
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325. Fuck Billy,
that son of a bitch!
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326. Uh, sorry, Mommy.
I-I didn't mean to swear.
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327. Stu, meet my mommy.
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328. Mommy, meet my Stu.
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329. Hi, Wesley.
That's right.
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330. I still won't
call you dad.
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331. You-you locked
your parents in here.
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332. I wrote.
I tried calling.
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333. They ignored me.
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334. They always ignored me.
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335. So when the world ended
and the cell block opened up,
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336. I tracked them down
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337. and I left them
in here to rot,
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338. just like they left me!
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339. You, uh, you got
their attention now.
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340. Yeah, I do.
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341. Mommy, Wesley,
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342. I never wanted to try out
for that sitcom.
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343. I was perfectly happy
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344. doing summer stock
in the Berkshires.
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345. But you needed
a Lexus!
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346. You were my parents.
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347. You were supposed
to be my biggest fans!
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348. And you know what?
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349. I don't need
you assholes,
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350. because I have found
my people.
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351. And those guys
out there?
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352. They love me for me!
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353. It's okay.
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354. I don't need you!
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355. And that concludes
our tour!
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356. Ooh, I'd kill
for those areolas.
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357. Bump?
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358. Uh, nah.
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359. All right.
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360. Ah.
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361. I know that brand.
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362. You lost a finger and you got
the law on your ass?
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363. Are you crazy
or just unlucky?
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364. Bit of both, I guess.
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365. Me too.
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366. Check it.
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367. You got those from law?
A few of them.
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368. Mostly from being
a pedestrian.
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369. After the fire,
I had to start fresh.
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370. I got this one from playing
possum with some butchers.
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371. Between you and me,
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372. grilled dude
tastes not that bad.
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373. Hey,
you're on my shit.
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374. Oops.
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375. So what's it like
driving with Johnny?
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376. Is it as wet and wild
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377. as he always said
it would be?
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378. He would say wet and wild.
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379. Riding with John
is mostly irritating.
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380. I'm sure
I'll get used to it.
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381. It's only been
a couple days.
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382. You just met and you're
already goin' on rides?
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383. I mean, just this one job.
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384. Well, must be nice.
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385. Johnny always said
it would be too dangerous
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386. for me to ride with him.
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387. Milkman have
an expiration date,
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388. blah, blah, blah.
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389. Guess I had to
figure it out for myself.
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390. Listen, I wouldn't
read too much into it.
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391. It's not like he lets me
drive his car.
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392. Of course not.
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393. But I see the way
he looks at you.
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394. He likes you.
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395. Like, like likes you.
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396. But he will never
pick you over that car.
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397. Evelyn is
his ride or die.
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398. Till death do they part.
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399. But what do I know?
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400. Maybe he likes you
behind the wheel.
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401. Or the wheel behind you.
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402. Naptime's over, fuck-os!
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403. Time to go—
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404. No! Harold,
why did you kill everybody?
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405. Oh, shit.
Get down!
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406. It's gonna be maggot
Thanksgiving down there.
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407. That's a good one, Carl.
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408. Jamie, you and your brother,
back with me to base.
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409. Mike, get another guy.
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410. Double taps on everybody,
collect their weapons.
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411. Uh-huh.
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412. And grab the clown's mask.
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413. I want it for my wall.
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414. Let's go.
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415. Come on, Ev,
drink up.
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416. Damn, running water
always makes me have to go.
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417. Oh fuck, Mare!
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418. Do you mind?
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419. No.
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420. So Johnny,
what brings you out east?
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421. Pfft! Are you serious?
Yeah.
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422. I mean, come on!
My job!
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423. You know I can't
give you the deets.
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424. Your job.
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425. John Doe would never
leave California.
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426. It gets too cold,
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427. and he doesn't
like goose pimples.
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428. Maybe it's
a really good job.
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429. Oh!
Ooohh!
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430. Maybe that's why
you need a partner.
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431. No, okay, it's not
like I recruited her.
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432. She kinda just
fell in my lap.
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433. Mmm.
I didn't mean like that.
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434. Look, Quiet saved my ass.
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435. If it wasn't for her,
I'd be road sauce right now.
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436. Oh, I mean, I've been
doin' it alone for a while.
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437. I seem to be doin' fine.
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438. Oh.
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439. Unless you're gettin' soft.
Soft—
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440. Oh, okay.
Yeah, gettin' soft.
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441. Well, good thing
it's my last run.
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442. It's gettin' cold out here.
I'm gonna head in.
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443. Your last run?
Huh?
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444. Come on,
you can tell me.
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445. You used to tell me
all kinds of crazy shit.
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446. Yeah, yeah.
Okay?
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447. And I told you shit, too.
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448. Well, let's just say
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449. I'm gonna get
what I always wanted.
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450. No.
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451. Inside?
Mmm, oh!
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452. Hey John!
Yo!
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453. Thought you'd wanna know,
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454. Mistress Lane's
about to perform.
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455. I do not wanna miss that!
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456. After the show, I gotta
get back on the road.
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457. Uh-huh.
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458. Because
New San Francisco awaits.
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459. John-John!
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460. Are you serious?
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461. Jello, Mare!
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462. Oh, shit!
Oh, I'm good!
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463. Y'all in the front row,
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464. you're gonna get wet!
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465. So, how's the car?
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466. She's good, gassed up,
and ready to go.
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467. You smell like fresh forest,
like camping.
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468. Oh! You're drunk.
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469. You're drunk!
And also...
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470. I'm drunk.
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471. Slam! Slam! Slam!
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472. Slam! Slam! Slam! Slam!
Slam? Slam?
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473. Y'all ready to see
this watermelon explode?
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474. Hell yeah!
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475. Slam!
Slam!
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476. Slam! Slam! Slam!
Slam! Slam! Slam!
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477. Slam! Slam! Slam!
Slam! Slam! Slam!
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478. Slam! Slam! Slam!
Slam! Slam! Slam!
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479. Shh! Shut the fuck up!
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480. Oh.
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481. Gee, Johnny,
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482. looks like word got out
about your package.
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483. Guess you're not
the only one
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484. trying to get inside
New San Francisco, huh?
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485. You couldn't have
waited one minute?
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486. You told them about
New San Francisco?
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487. What the hell happened
to rule number one?
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488. This is why we have
rule number two!
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489. I told you that was
a fuckin' stupid-ass rule!
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490. All right, fine!
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491. Okay, there's
no need for violence.
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492. I'll give you the package.
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493. But who do
I give it to, huh?
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494. Give it to you?
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495. How about you?
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496. Don't tell me you haven't
discussed amongst yourselves
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497. who's gonna get it.
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498. Getting in is
a pretty big prize.
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499. Slam!
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500. Quiet!
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501. John!
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502. Careful, you might
nick yourself.
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503. Not fuckin' likely.
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504. What the hell is
this jacket made of?
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505. Is this just me,
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506. or is this kinda hot?
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507. It's kinda hot.
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508. Yeah. Do it.
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509. Fuckin' do it.
Gimme another scar.
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510. Add it to the fucking pile!
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511. I would have followed
that milkman anywhere.
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512. All he had to do was say
"Come with me," but he didn't!
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513. Okay, I suffered
because of him.
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514. So fuck him if he thinks
he can waltz into a better life!
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515. Here's a little
free advice.
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516. Don't let revenge
ruin a second chance.
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517. Behind you!
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518. Goddamn, Mary.
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519. Hey, Slam!
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520. Nice dong moves.
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521. Stu! Stu!
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522. I'm so sorry.
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523. I didn't mean to, man.
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524. Holy shit! Shit!
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525. I thought
I killed you, man.
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526. You tried to kill me?
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527. Uh, no?
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528. No! No, no, no!
Who did this?
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529. Answer me!
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530. Those were my people!
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531. My fans!
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532. Oops.
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533. Fuck-Fuckin' Stone!
It was Stone!
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534. Stone did this, man!
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535. Please! Please! Please!
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536. I can help!
I can help!
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537. I know where Stone is!
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538. Wait! Stone hurt you.
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539. He can help
hurt him back.
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540. You want a pet?
Fine.
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541. But you clean up after him.
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542. 'Cause we all know
what I do...
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543. to naughty dogs.
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544. Here...
You drive.
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545. At least till
I sober up.
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546. They're going
to New San Francisco.
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547. Huh, interesting.
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548. You guys ever shoot
trout in a barrel?
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549. The fun part isn't
actually shooting them.
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550. It's trapping them
in the barrel.
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551. Boy howdy...
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552. do I love a good trap.
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