TV Funhouse 1x7

Directed by Ted May • Sean Lattrell • David Lipson • Don McGrath • David Wachtenheim

Robert Goulet as Self • Tara Sands as (voice) • Joe Frazier as Self • Rick Nielsen as Self • Joe Walsh as Self

Still in Atlantic City, the Anipals attempt to 'unstick' Triumph before his big show. At the Funhouse, Doug tries to achieve weightlessness while dressed as an astronaut.

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!req TV Funhouse 1x7 [02:32]
!req TV Funhouse 1x7 [TV Funhouse 1x7]
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For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req TV Funhouse 1x7 [10-11]; !req TV Funhouse 1x7 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. LAST WEEK ON T-V FUNHOUSE...

2. WHERE YA GOING?

3. ATLANTIC CITY.

4. OH HEY, FOLKS!

5. OLD FRIEND, FOGEY.

6. WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, HIS PINK

7. HIM CUT OFF.

8. ROBERT GOULET!

9. NOW WE GOT SOMETHING!

10. OVER HERE BABY... YEAH, YEAH THAT'S IT.

11. THROW IT OVER HERE! YEAH, I'LL DO YOU BABY!

12. UGH!

13. STEP ASIDE FIDEY.

14. OH YEAH, OH YEAH, OH YEAH! HERE IT COMES!

15. THROW ME AROUND BABY! HA HA HA! DO ME!

16. CHICKIE, YOU'RE A MARRIED MAN.

17. WILL YOU CHICKIE,

18. PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR AND OBEY VIPER?

19. HERE AT T-V FUNHOUSE.

20. UM, THE ANIPALS ARE STILL IN ATLANTIC CITY, I GUESS,

21. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T HAVE ASTRO FUN.

22. 'CUZ LOOK WHO'S HERE...

23. OUR OLD PAL, ZABOO.

24. WHAT?

25. HEY ZABOO.

26. CATCHING YOUR TAIL?

27. I'M WARNING YOU DOUG, BE QUIET.

28. YOU GAVE AWAY MY PLAN!

29. YOU BLEW IT FOR ME!

30. NOW THE TAIL KNOWS TOO MUCH!

31. IT MUST DIE!

32. COME BACK SOON.

33. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING CHICKIE?

34. MARRYING A HOOKER!

35. SHUTUP!

36. I LOVE HER!

37. AND SHE NEEDED A GREEN CARD.

38. OH CHRIST.

39. AND YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED.

40. YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED—

41. IT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STATE!

42. SHE'S PROBABLY ALL DISEASED!

43. CAN'T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA LA

44. THEY'RE RIGHT CHICKIE.

45. THAT GIRL'S BAD NEWS, BELIEVE ME.

46. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS 'CUZ YOU'RE MONOGAMOUS!

47. MONOGAMY'S FOR FAGS!

48. CHICKIE, I KNOW THAT CHIMP'S GOT GAMS FROM HERE TO KALAMAZOO,

49. BUT YOU'RE CHASING A RAINBOW...

50. A FOOL'S RAINBOW.

51. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. SAVE IT GALIHAD.

52. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

53. BRIDE FROM HER PIMP.

54. HEY, DON'T MIND HIM.

55. DO YOU KNOW WAYNE NEWTON?

56. YEAH... I KNOW WAYNE NEWTON.

57. REALLY?

58. - TELL ME SOMETHING.

59. TELL ME SOMETHING.

60. WAYNE NEWTON SING,

61. YEAH.

62. DID YOU THINK HE WAS A GIRL?

63. THERE YA GO BOSS, MY LIFE SAVINGS.

64. HOLD ON THERE, BIG GUY.

65. ME CHAMP?

66. DRIED UP AND HAGGARD?

67. EH, UM WELL, NO. I GUESS I DON'T KNOW, UH...

68. THING STARTS TO KICK IN?

69. IT DEPENDS.

70. NOW LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

71. OR LEFT HANDED?

72. I BAT LEFT HANDED,

73. AND YET, GET THIS,

74. I PLAY TENNIS RIGHT HANDED,

75. AND THEN I BOWL RIGHT HANDED. AND THEN GUESS WHAT,

76. RIGHT HANDED!

77. SO I GUESS YOU'D SAY I'M RIGHT HANDED.

78. OH NO!

79. DID TO MY THUMB, MAN!

80. THEY CUT OFF MY FUCKING THUMB!

81. OKEY DOKE.

82. PLANET FUNHOUSE.

83. YA KNOW...

84. FLOAT AROUND IN SPACE A LOT.

85. BUT IN ORDER TO DO THAT,

86. WEIGHTLESSNESS.

87. WHILE YOU WERE AWAY, I TRIED TO PUT HELIUM UP ME.

88. DIDN'T WORK.

89. BUT, I HAD A BETTER PLAN...

90. WEIGHTLOSS PILLS.

91. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

92. PRESENTED BY V-H-1

93. THIS COUNTRY'S GREATEST LEADER.

94. DURING THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.

95. THE UNITED STATES,

96. DISTINCTION,

97. OF OUR COUNTRY...

98. BUT THEN, THINGS WENT SOUR.

99. AFTER THE PRESIDENCY, WASHINGTON FELL INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION,

100. ADDICTION TO PAINKILLERS.

101. FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

102. AFTER A PAINFUL INTERVENTION.

103. WELL, IT WASN'T A PRETTY PICTURE AT ALL.

104. WASHINGTON, UH, OH, HE WAS IN THE FETAL POSITION... CURLED UP.

105. PRETTY MUCH BARE ASSED NAKED, EXCEPT FOR HIS WIG.

106. HIS FAMILY WAS THERE, AND OF COURSE, NAPOLEON.

107. HE JUST LIED THERE. HE DIDN'T MOVE FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES,

108. AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE SNAPPED.

109. AND STUNNED HIS WIFE, MARTHA, WITH A FATAL KARATE KICK.

110. OSTRICIZED BY HIS PUBLIC,

111. WASHINGTON TOOK UP WITH HIS PAL, NAPOLEON,

112. CRACK COCAINE.

113. THE 2 OF THEM TRAVELED THE SOUTHWEST FOR 8 MONTHS,

114. TALL UNDERAGE IMMIGRANTS,

115. THE AUTHORITIES.

116. WASHINGTON AND NAPOLEON, LIKE, THEY WOULD STAY UP FOR DAYS.

117. AND THEY'D, LIKE, TURN UP AT A

118. LIKE ARGUING IN FRENCH,

119. WASHINGTON COULDN'T SPEAK FRENCH.

120. YOU COULDN'T TELL.

121. AND THEN, LIKE, HIS WOODEN TEETH WOULD COME OUT, YA KNOW?

122. AND THEN, THEY'D MAKE A BIG DEAL

123. LIKE JUST TO, LIKE GET A RISE OUT OF PEOPLE.

124. SAY, YA KNOW,

125. KICKED GEORGE WASHINGTON'S ASS.

126. AND UH...

127. HE REALLY WOULD... HE'D TAKE ON JUST ABOUT ANYBODY.

128. BUT UH, HE'D ONLY DO IT FOR HEROIN.

129. ON AUGUST TWELFTH, 1846,

130. WASHINGTON HIT BOTTOM.

131. LAREDO, WYOMING.

132. WITH THE COPS, SAYING,

133. "WHY IS HE EATING ME?

134. "I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO BEARS."

135. HE NEEDED HELP.

136. I KNEW THEN THAT I NEEDED HELP,

137. OR I WAS GONNA DIE.

138. DETERMINED AT LAST, GEORGE

139. AN 8 MONTH REHABILITATION PROGRAM THAT SAVED HIS LIFE.

140. TODAY, GEORGE WASHINGTON LIVES IN ROCKWELL, NEW YORK

141. WITH HIS WIFE, MAY LYNN AND THEIR TWO CHILDREN.

142. HE HAS NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

143. BROUGHT ME TO WHERE I AM NOW...

144. THE REVOLUTION,

145. THE PRESIDENCY,

146. THE BEAR ATTACK,

147. THE HEROIN...

148. I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING.

149. I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING.

150. I— I JUST DON'T THINK IT CAN WORK OUT.

151. VIPER, THESE LAST 12 HOURS HAVE BEEN MAGICAL, BUT,

152. WE COME FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS.

153. SHH, NO DON'T CRY.

154. YOU'RE YOUNG.

155. YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

156. AHEAD OF US.

157. AND YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART.

158. IT HURTS, DOESN'T IT?

159. YEAH, I KINDA FIGURED YOU'D HAVE TO FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF.

160. SHE AND THAT UH, BOSTON TERRIER

161. THAT SCAM FOR A LONG TIME.

162. AW, COME ON!

163. YEAH, SHE'S BROKEN A LOT OF HEARTS ALONG THE BOARDWALK.

164. TRUST ME, I KNOW.

165. YOU, ROBERT GOULET,

166. PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR AND OBEY VIPER?

167. WHATEVER YOU SAY, CHAMP.

168. WOW, YOU TOO?

169. IT'S LIKE I'M LOOKING INTO A MIRROR...

170. A MIRROR OF MY PAST.

171. I'LL GO.

172. HIT ME!

173. HEY THERE.

174. I'M HERE AT, UH, T-V FUNHOUSE MISSION CONTROL.

175. ALSO CALL IT, THE COCKPIT.

176. OR THE UH, COCK-A-PIT.

177. OKEY DOKE.

178. I'M GONNA BE WEIGHTLESS.

179. MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU WATCHED THIS.

180. OKAY ARTIMUS, I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE OUR SEATS ARE TOGETHER.

181. YOU WATCH THE BABY,

182. WHILE I'M GONE, ALRIGHT?

183. GOOD KITTY.

184. OKAY GUYS, YA GOT ENOUGH TO DO?

185. CHECK THIS OUT.

186. OHHH!

187. OHHH!

188. OHHH!

189. SO, YOU ON DEMEROL?

190. OHHH!

191. OHHH!

192. OHHH!

193. SERIOUSLY, WHAT TIME DO YOU CONK OUT?

194. OHHH!

195. OHHH!

196. OHHH!

197. OHHHHHH OHHHHH!

198. OHHHHHH OHHHHH!

199. OHHHHHH OHHHHH!

200. OHHHHHH!

201. YIKES!

202. OHHH!

203. OH!

204. OHHH!

205. OHHH!

206. OHHH!

207. DO YOU READ?

208. OHHH!

209. OHHH!

210. OHHH!

211. OHHH!

212. OHHH!

213. OHHH!

214. OHHH!

215. OHHH!

216. OHHH!

217. OHHH!

218. OHHH!

219. OHHH!

220. THERE YOU ARE! MY ANGELS.

221. I DIDN'T COME BACK EMPTY HANDED.

222. OHHH!

223. OHHH!

224. OHHH!

225. DON'T WORRY, ARTIMUS, I DIDN'T FORGET MY KITTY.

226. OHHH!

227. THEY'RE THE BABY,

228. AND THE GUY ON MUSHROOMS.

229. I NEVER NOTICED ROB GOULET'S THUMBS.

230. ME NEITHER!

231. PLUS JOE FRASIER'S IN ON IT!

232. HE'S NOT A REAL PRIEST.

233. RIGHT, THAT'S FOREMAN.

234. RIGHT! GEORGE FOREMAN!

235. YEAH!

236. WELL, THANK GOD, THE DRAMA'S OVER.

237. - THAT'S COOL.

238. GUYS! YOU GOT TO HELP ME WITH THIS!

239. SCREW YOU! KEEP YOUR SLOPPY SECONDS!

240. NO, YOU STUPID IDIOT!

241. I'M STUCK!

242. CAN'T YOU SEE?

243. I'M STUCK INSIDE HER!

244. HELP, I'M STUCK!

245. I NEED HELP!

246. GET ME OFF OF THIS!

247. I'M ST— I'M STUCK!

248. I CAN'T GET OUT OF HER!

249. HELP, I'M STUCK!

250. HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

251. I'M STUCK! HELP!

252. SOMEBODY HELP ME!

253. HELP! I'M STUCK!

254. HELP!

255. SOMEBODY!

256. HELP!

257. THAT'S CUTE!

258. IT'S NOT CUTE!

259. DOG AND GOT STUCK!

260. OKAY.

261. LET'S TAKE A BREAK FROM THIS ASTRONAUT FUN,

262. AND PLAY OUR FAVORITE GAME,

263. WHAT DID TERRENCE EAT?

264. HOW YOU DOING THERE, TERRENCE?

265. HOW YA DOING, DOUG?

266. PRETTY GOOD.

267. ARE UH, ALL SYSTEMS GO?

268. HUH? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

269. OF TANG.

270. HUH? IS THAT A DIRTY JOKE?

271. I DON'T QUITE CARE FOR THAT.

272. OKAY.

273. IT'S TIME TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK, AND FIGURE OUT,

274. WHAT DID TERRENCE EAT?

275. WE'LL FIND OUT WHAT TERRENCE ATE, RIGHT AFTER THIS.

276. IT'S TIME TO DIVE HEAD FIRST

277. OF SAFETY WITH...

278. THE SAFETY GANG! YAY!

279. MY NAME'S DONNY, AND I DON'T DRINK POISON...

280. EVERDAY!

281. MARCY'S MY NAME,

282. CLEANER IN MY EYES.

283. HI, I'M CUBBY!

284. THEY JUMP OFF 20 STORY BUILDING LEDGES,

285. POWERS.

286. WHICH ACTUALLY, NO ONE DOES!

287. RUSH INTO SAFETY!

288. THANK YOU KINDLY!

289. SAFETY'S A REFLEX!

290. DO IT BLINDLY!

291. SO RUN AROUND AND YELL, LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL,

292. AND TELL, TELL, TELL PEOPLE TO BE SAFE!

293. OKAY, IT'S TIME TO TALK TO STRANGER DAN ABOUT SAFETY.

294. HI STRANGER DAN! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR US?

295. CANDY.

296. YUMMY!

297. TODAY'S STRANGER DAN SAFETY TIP,

298. IS TO NEVER DON'T NOT FORGET

299. THE STREET.

300. THANKS STRANGER DAN. GOTTA GO!

301. I'LL DROP YOU OFF IN MY VAN.

302. SURE.

303. THANKS MARCY! GOOD TIP!

304. HEY OUTLETTA! HEY WET FINGERS!

305. AGAIN?

306. GREAT,

307. BUT DON'T PLAY TOO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER,

308. 'CUZ THAT COULD BE DANGEROUS.

309. REMEMBER KIDS,

310. IF YOU HAVE WET FINGERS, LIKE WET FINGERS HERE,

311. KEEP THEM AT LEAST 3 INCHES AWAY

312. POWER CIRCUITS,

313. LIKE OUTLETTA HERE.

314. NOW LET'S SING A FUN SONG TO HELP YOU REMEMBER THIS.

315. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

316. THAT'S IT FOR THIS WEEK...

317. BUT REMEMBER, WALK OUT INTO THE

318. FULL OF SAFETY!

319. I'D TAKE A BULLET FOR SAFETY.

320. HEY, COME ON PAL.

321. FOR OLD TIMES SAKE, PLEASE.

322. I CAN'T GO ON STAGE WITH A POODLE ATTACHED TO MY DICK.

323. MILTON BERLE DID THAT BIT 20 YEARS AGO.

324. I'M SORRY I SAID, YOU COULDN'T EVEN PLEASE A GUINEA PIG.

325. YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS ENVIED YOUR PINK THING.

326. SERIOUSLY!

327. BITCHES ARE AFRAID OF MINE.

328. IT'S THE SMALL ONES THAT ARE IN

329. ALRIGHT, EASY MAN.

330. YOU GOT TO HELP ME.

331. ROBERT GOULET'S IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT.

332. GOULET IS SEEING YOUR SHOW?

333. YES.

334. OKAY...

335. HOUSTON, WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT, WHAT DID TERRENCE EAT.

336. BUT FIRST, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'RE GUESSING IN OUR ONLINE POLL.

337. OOH, FUN STUFF.

338. YEAH, MAYBE.

339. HMM, YEAH, I COULD SEE THAT.

340. AND 22% OF YOU THINKS IT'S FROSTY THE SNOWMAN'S

341. STOMACH AND ASS.

342. VERY SPECIFIC, BUT, EH...

343. OKAY, TERRENCE, LET HER RIP.

344. OKEY DOKE.

345. HOW YA DOING THERE?

346. LET ME CONCENTRATE.

347. SOMETIMES THESE DOCTOR'S THINGS WORK.

348. HOW ABOUT THIS?

349. AW, IT'S MICE AGAIN!

350. GOT YA!

351. YOU DID.

352. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, GANG.

353. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

354. BILLY BATSONSUACE,

355. WAS A REGULAR PAPERBOY, UNTIL ONE DAY...

356. PSST, KID, THAT CAVE'S MAGIC.

357. HUH?

358. TRY IT AND SEE.

359. INTRIGUED, BILLY STEPS INTO THE CAVE.

360. SURE ENOUGH...

361. YOUNG MAN, THIS CAVE IS MAGIC.

362. I AM A VERY POWERFUL OLD MAN,

363. SAY THE WORD, "SKREWPA".

364. "SKREWPA" IS AN ACRONYM, YOU SEE—

365. I DIDN'T ASK.

366. GETTING?

367. THE "S" IS FOR SPERMS OF ENDEARMENT.

368. THE "K" IS FOR KING BONG.

369. THE "R" ISFOR ROMANCING THE BONE.

370. THE "E" IS FOR E-T-3...

371. THE EXTRA TESTICLE. THE—

372. HUH? THOSE ARE ALL PORN MOVIE TITLES.

373. I'VE BEEN IN THIS CAVE ALONE TOO LONG.

374. I'VE FORGOTTEN THE REAL LIST. ANYWAY...

375. EVERYTIME YOU SAY THE WORD, "SKREWPA",

376. WITH A MAGIC MUD PUDDLE.

377. UGH!

378. CONGRATULATIONS BOY.

379. AND HERE, TAKE THIS EMPTY MAYONNAISE JAR WITH YOU.

380. I DON'T WANT TO THROW IT OUT.

381. I'LL THROW IT OUT.

382. WITH HIS STUPID NEW POWERS,

383. FIGHT CRIME AND INJUSTICE.

384. THIS I SWEAR!

385. THIS LOUNGE CROWD, FOR ME TO POOP ON!

386. YES? POOP ON?

387. JUICE?

388. NO, NO, THAT'S FOR WHEN YOU GET YOUR DICK STUCK IN A SKUNK.

389. BESIDES IT'S TOO LATE, THE SHOW STARTED 10 MINUTES AGO.

390. SHHH!

391. SORRY, BOWJANGLES.

392. GEESH.

393. WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS.

394. AND HOW ABOUT YOU FAT GUY?

395. I GUESS I DON'T GET TABLE SCRAPS TONIGHT, EH? HA HA HA

396. BUT THIS IS CONVENIENT THOUGH, CHUBBY,

397. YOUR BUTT FROM HERE.

398. EASY! EASY!

399. ANYWAY, DON'T— PAY NO ATTENTION PEOPLE.

400. THE DRINKS, EH?

401. I LIKE IT, BUT HOW ABOUT YOU?

402. HEY, EASY! NO, NO!

403. NOT GOULET! ANYONE BUT GOULET'S TABLE!

404. PLEASE! OH GOD!

405. HEY!

406. EASY! I'M SORRY GOULET.

407. THE ACT YOU KNOW...

408. IT'S REALLY MUCH BETTER, I SWEAR.

409. ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S HILARIOUS!

410. WHAT?

411. THIS POODLE'S A GENIUS.

412. I'M WEIGHTLESS!

413. NIGHT NIGHT!