TV Funhouse 1x6

Directed by Ted May • Sean Lattrell • David Wachtenheim • Robert Marianetti

Robert Goulet as Self • Dolores Duffy as Old Lady on Bus • Darius Rucker as Self (as Hootie & the Blowfish) • Mark Bryan as Self (as Hootie & the Blowfish) • Dean Felber as Self (as Hootie & the Blowfish)

The Anipals travel to Atlantic City to visit Fogey's old friend, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, where Chickie falls in love with a chimpstitute. Meanwhile, Doug goes on a safari and ends up with a rash from a tropical plant.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. HI THERE!

2. WELCOME TO T-V FUNHOUSE.

3. TODAY IS SAFARI DAY.

4. AND WE'RE GONNA GO ON A TRIP

5. THROUGH THE WILDS OF DEEPEST, DARKEST AFRICA.

6. BUT FIRST, LET'S HUNT DOWN SOME ANIPALS,

7. AND SEE IF THEY WANT TO COME ALONG.

8. HOJO, I THINK YOU PACKED MY TOOTHBRUSH.

9. - HUH? NO, MINE'S ORANGE... SEE? - YOU'RE CRAZY! THAT'S RED!

10. HMM.

11. HEY ANIPALS... PACKING UP FOR THE BIG SAFARI?

12. HI AND NO.

13. HOW MUCH CASH ARE YOU GUYS BRINGING?

14. HEY, COME ON GUYS...

15. THE JUNGLE'S FUN AND EXCITING.

16. FORGET IT DOUG. WE DON'T HAVE PASSPORTS.

17. BUT WE'RE NOT REALLY GOING ABROAD.

18. WE USE OUR IMAGINATIONS.

19. SORRY, WE DON'T HAVE IMAGINATIONS.

20. WE'RE ANIMALS.

21. BUT... WE CAN STILL PRETEND.

22. DON'T GET THE CONCEPT.

23. SORRY, WE'RE LOWER BEINGS.

24. WE CAN'T THINK OR REASON.

25. WELL... WHERE YOU GOING?

26. ATLANTIC CITY.

27. SLUG BUG!

28. SLUG BUG, AGAIN.

29. LOOK, I ASKED YOU... COULD YOU PLEASE NOT DO THAT?

30. SLUG BUG!

31. LOOK AT ALL THE GODDAMN VOLKSWAGENS.

32. WHAT? ARE WE IN GERMANY OR SOMETHING?

33. HEY! CHECK IT OUT!

34. HEY, TRIUMPH... HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.

35. HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, TRIUMPH... YEAH.

36. GET OUT. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

37. NO, NO, NO, NO. REALLY.

38. WE WERE ALTAR BOYS TOGETHER.

39. WE'LL GO SEE HIM. HE'LL REMEMBER ME.

40. RIGHT!

41. LIKE WHEN YOU SWORE YOU KNEW JOE PISCOPO.

42. CHRIST! WAS THAT EVER HUMILIATING!

43. ALRIGHT, LET'S GO.

44. HEY GANG!

45. HEY! LOOK AT YOU.

46. A LADYKILLER.

47. THANKS. HEY, WHO'S GONNA DO THE HONORS?

48. YOU'RE TAKING THE PIPES FROM HERE?

49. YOU BET!

50. WE DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE TO GO ON A SAFARI.

51. WE CAN GO TO THE JUNGLE OURSELVES.

52. OH! IT'S A BEAUTIFUL HIAWASKA PLANT FROM DEEP IN THE AMAZON.

53. FOR SOME REASON THE LOCAL NATIVES CALL THIS PLANT,

54. THE DEVIL'S TONGUE.

55. LET'S LEARN MORE AFTER YOU WATCH THIS.

56. I HEARD HE WAS GAY.

57. NO WAY SISTER!

58. OPRAH, YOU'VE GOT TO TELL ME WHO'S ON THE COVER THIS MONTH.

59. YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, SANDRA.

60. THERE HE IS.

61. HE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HIMSELF.

62. WHAT DOES HE DO?

63. HE SPENDS HER MONEY, THAT'S WHAT HE DOES.

64. I HEARD HE'S GAY.

65. I HEARD, THEY BOTH ARE!

66. I HATE HOW THEY TALK ABOUT YOU.

67. EVERYBODY THINKS YOU'RE JUST A FREE LOADER.

68. THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT—

69. THEY CAN'T KNOW... THEY CAN'T EVER KNOW.

70. IF MY COVER'S BLOWN, WE'RE BOTH DEAD.

71. DO YOU LIKE THE CAR?

72. IT'S FOR YOU.

73. WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

74. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT AGAIN.

75. IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY.

76. WE'VE BEEN ENGAGED FOR 15 YEARS!

77. YOU KNOW I'D MARRY YOU TOMORROW BABY,

78. BUT IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR... NOT TO YOU OR TO THE FREE WORLD.

79. WELL LOOK AT YOU.

80. THIS IS IT.

81. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT... AFTER 15 YEARS

82. WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO CONSUMMATE OUR LOVE.

83. DAMN!

84. THIS IS STEDMAN.

85. IT'S THE COMMISSIONER.

86. UGH!

87. - WE'RE SORRY... - WHAT? PROFESSOR HATE?

88. HE'S ESCAPED?

89. - WILL YOU PLEASE CHECK THE NUMBER... - DAMN!

90. - OR TRY YOUR CALL AGAIN. THANK YOU. - WHAT?

91. THE FRENCH RIVIERA?

92. NOW?

93. YES SIR. I'M ON MY WAY.

94. DAMN HIM! DAMN THAT PROFESSOR HATE!

95. HE'S ESCAPED? AGAIN?

96. CAN'T THEY BUILD A PRISON STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD HIM FOR AT LEAST ONE NIGHT?

97. HE'S DIABOLICAL.

98. I MUST GO.

99. CAN'T IT WAIT? JUST ONE HOUR?

100. I WANT IT SO BAD. MMMM...

101. FIVE MINUTES.

102. FIVE MINUTES?

103. BELIEVE ME, WHEN WE FINALLY MAKE LOVE, I'M GONNA TAKE MY TIME.

104. IT'S GONNA TAKE ALL NIGHT LONG.

105. BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA NEED SOME MONEY.

106. HOW MUCH?

107. HMMM, LET'S SEE...

108. FRENCH RIVIERA...

109. RENT A HOUSE...

110. WARDROBE, DISGUISES, SPECIAL WEAPONS...

111. LASER GLASSES, SPEED BOAT, ARMORED HELICOPTER—

112. ALL I HAVE ON ME IS 1.3 MILLION.

113. THAT'LL HAVE TO DO.

114. OH DARLING! WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS?

115. OPRAH! DARLING...

116. YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG.

117. THERE'S MORE AT STAKE THAN JUST YOU AND ME.

118. HERE'S SOMETHING TO READ ON THE PLANE.

119. THANK YOU, DARLING.

120. HOW ABOUT A KISS?

121. OF COURSE.

122. CLOSE YOUR EYES.

123. OH STEDMAN.

124. OH MONSIEUR STEDMAN, IT IS LOVELY.

125. WHAT DOES THE "O" STAND FOR?

126. IT STANDS FOR OO-LA-LA.

127. STEDMAN...

128. YOU PROMISED TO GIVE ME A MASSAGE.

129. - NO! IT'S MY TURN! - NO, NO, NO!

130. I HAVE AN IDEA.

131. WHY DON'T THE TWO OF YOU MASSAGE EACH OTHER?

132. AND YOU THREE CAN START ON ME.

133. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... DIONNE WARWICK.

134. DIONNE! WHAT IS IT?

135. UH, I JUST HAD A VISION.

136. OPRAH, SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS IN DANGER.

137. STEDMAN!

138. FASTER! FASTER!

139. STEDMAN... I'M COMING BABY.

140. - THIS GUY'S GREAT! - YEAH!

141. TOUGH CROWD.

142. THEY CAME FOR TRIUMPH.

143. GUESS I MISSED THE CHIMP-TRILAQUIST.

144. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

145. THE TRUMP MARINA PROUDLY PRESENTS

146. AMERICA'S FOREMOST INSULT COMIC DOG.

147. HERE WE GO.

148. OH, I HOPE HE DOESN'T PICK ON ME.

149. GUESS I PICKED THE WRONG TIME TO WEAR MY TURBIN.

150. PLEASE WELCOME, TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG.

151. YES, YES... THE TRUMP MARINA.

152. HOW'S EVERYONE DOING AT THE TRUMP MARINA. YES.

153. THE TRUMP MARINA HAS THE BEST CROWDS...

154. FOR ME TO POOP ON!

155. LOOK AT THESE OLD FOLKS EVERYWHERE.

156. CHRIST, BREAK OUT THE WEE-WEE PADS.

157. HEY GRANDMA!

158. I'D HUMP YOUR LEG,

159. BUT I'M AFRAID IT WOULD TURN TO DUST.

160. OH, HELLO MA'AM.

161. OH, NICE BOOBS.

162. THEY'RE REAL, YES?

163. RIGHT... AND I'M BANGING LASSIE.

164. I KID, I KID. I AM BANGING LASSIE.

165. OKAY GUYS, LET'S HIT IT.

166. HERE'S A SONG ABOUT THE BEACH.

167. LOOK AT THIS.

168. NICE HAT SIR!

169. I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I NEED A CAB.

170. OH HEY FOLKS!

171. SAY HELLO TO MY OLD FRIEND, FOGEY.

172. WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, HIS PINK THING WAS SO SMALL THAT

173. HIS BALLS ASKED TO HAVE HIM CUT OFF!

174. I'VE GOT FLEA BITES BIGGER THAN HIS PECKER.

175. FOGEY, JOIN ME BACKSTAGE AFTER THE SHOW.

176. AND BRING THAT PENCIL POINT OF YOURS

177. SO I CAN GIVE YOU MY AUTOGRAPH.

178. OKAY GUYS, LET'S BRING IT HOME.

179. IS THIS THE, UH—

180. COME ON IN GUYS!

181. HEY FOGEY,

182. I DIDN'T SAY TO BRING THE WHOLE STINKING ZOO.

183. WHO'S THE GUY WITH THE NUT SACK ON HIS CHIN?

184. OH! THAT'S ME.

185. YOU GOT ME, YEAH.

186. COME ON, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

187. MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

188. AH, YES.

189. I WAS, UH, TELLING THEM HOW WE USED TO HANG OUT.

190. PHEW! PHOGEY, YOUR BREATH, MAN!

191. YOU STILL EATING YOUR OWN POOP?

192. WELL, UH, NO NOT ANYMORE.

193. I GOT THE THERAPIST WHO TOLD ME NOT TO—

194. IT'S A JOKE!

195. HEY, HEY EASY! IT'S NOT A CHEW TOY. ALRIGHT?

196. GEEZ, MAYBE WE SHOULD COME BACK LATER.

197. NO, NO! STICK AROUND FOGEY...

198. SHE MIGHT NEED A TOOTHPICK.

199. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE HAS A SMALL—

200. WELCOME BACK TO SAFARI DAY.

201. YA KNOW,

202. WE SHOULD ALL DO OUR BEST TO PRESERVE THE JUNGLE,

203. AND HER BOUNTY.

204. MANY IMPORTANT THINGS COME FROM THE JUNGLE.

205. THINGS SUCH AS, MONKEY PAW ASHTRAYS.

206. AND ALSO...

207. ELEPHANT LEG UMBRELLA HOLDERS...

208. AND JAZZ.

209. THANKS JUNGLE.

210. NOW LET'S WATCH THIS.

211. I'M COMING BABY.

212. LIKE THIS?

213. SLOWER.

214. BEND OVER.

215. STEDMAN, WHAT'S GOING ON?

216. HI-YAH!

217. UGH!

218. DARLING, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

219. STEDMAN, WHO WAS THAT WOMAN?

220. THAT WAS PROFESSOR HATE,

221. DISGUISED AS AN UGLY FRENCH LAP DANCER.

222. UGLY?

223. SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL.

224. I SUPPOSE SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED BEAUTIFUL...

225. UNTIL YOU WALKED IN THE ROOM.

226. OH, STEDMAN.

227. I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF THIS MOMENT.

228. COME HERE.

229. WILD HORSES COULDN'T KEEP ME AWAY.

230. IN— INVISIBLE ROBOTS!

231. INVISIBLE ROBOTS?

232. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

233. LOOK OUT!

234. DARLING, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

235. WHAT HAPPENED?

236. THE ROBOT DUCKED.

237. OH, IT'S A PRIVATE ROOM.

238. LOCK THE DOOR.

239. OF COURSE.

240. FIRST LET ME CLOSE THE BLINDS.

241. I THINK SOMEONE'S CALLING ME.

242. I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.

243. HELLO?

244. MONSIEUR STEDMAN, THIS IS THE MAYOR OF FRANCE.

245. IT'S THE MAYOR OF FRANCE!

246. IT SEEMS THAT CARDINAL HATE—

247. YOU MEAN PROFESSOR HATE.

248. YES, PROFESSOR HATE IS STILL ALIVE,

249. AND HE'S VOWING TO DESTROY YOU AND ALL OF FRANCE!

250. THERE'S NOT A MOMENT TO LOSE!

251. YOU GOT TO GIVE ME TEN MINUTES ALONE WITH MY FIANCE!

252. I'M BEGGING YOU, MAN!

253. NO! OUT OF THE QUESTION!

254. HURRY! MY YACHT IS OUTSIDE.

255. DARLING I HATE TO ASK, BUT—

256. HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED?

257. I'LL BRING YOU THE CHANGE.

258. NICE OF YOU TO DROP IN, STEDMAN.

259. JAMES BROLIN.

260. AS ALWAYS, YOUR TIMING IS PERFECT.

261. PLEASE... CALL ME CAPTAIN LASER.

262. STILL BATTLING DOCTOR CHAOS?

263. I BET BABS IS WORRIED SICK.

264. HOW DOES OPRAH LET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT A COSTUME?

265. I'M A SECRET AGENT.

266. DAMN! YOU'RE GOOD.

267. I'M THE LUCKIEST WOMAN ON EARTH.

268. OH YES.

269. OK, OH YES.

270. OH, YES.

271. FEEL FREE TO HAVE THE BOOZE GUYS.

272. IT'S ONLY GOING TO BE A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.

273. HEY, WE GOT A DATE KID?

274. HEY! ROBERT GOULET!

275. ALRIGHT, NOW WE GOT SOMETHING!

276. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

277. THIS GUY PUTS ON A SHOW!

278. HE OPENS WITH THE CAMELOT CRAP,

279. THEN THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM CRAP—

280. HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, GO AHEAD.

281. KEEP UP GUYS. TRY TO KEEP UP.

282. COME ON GREEN BALLS, YOU CAN HANDLE IT.

283. SERIOUSLY, GOULET, HAVE YOU MET MY FRIEND FOGEY?

284. THE GUY'S SO SMALL, HE COULDN'T PLEASE A GUINEA PIG.

285. GOOD ONE.

286. COCKTAILS?

287. I'LL HAVE YOUR JUGS ON MY ROCKS, RIGHT GUYS?

288. TALK ABOUT RACK OF LAMB.

289. AHH, WHATEVER!

290. ME AND GOULET HERE, ARE MARRIED MEN.

291. GOOD FOR YOU, CHICKIE.

292. YEAH! RIGHT ON!

293. WE GET THE MILK FOR FREE, RIGHT MR. G?

294. HEY, HEY, HEY! DON'T TOUCH GOULET!

295. HEY, SCREW YOU!

296. YOU DO NOT TOUCH MR. CAMELOT GUY!

297. THROW IT OVER HERE! I'LL TAKE IT!

298. YEAH, I'LL DO YOU BABY!

299. EASY—

300. COME ON! I LOVE YOU! TAKE IT OFF!

301. OH! DO IT TO ME BABY! DO IT TO ME!

302. I LOVE YOU!

303. THAT HARRY CONNICK JR. IS A PUNK.

304. FORGET IT, HE'S NO GOULET.

305. - AW, GEEZ!

306. - I TOLD YOU... NO MARGARITAS.

307. ALRIGHT, WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?

308. NOT TONIGHT BABY.

309. TOO FAT.

310. TOO BUTCH.

311. UH, DID HER. DID HER.

312. WOW, IT LOOKS LIKE FOGEY'S SCORING.

313. CAN YOU BELIEVE SOME OF THE FREAKS THAT EAT THEIR OWN POOP?

314. IT GETS OLD SO FAST.

315. HA HA... HELLO BITCH.

316. STEP ASIDE TINY.

317. WHAT?

318. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M TALKING TO HER.

319. ARE YOU KIDDING?

320. DO YOU SMELL THAT SCENT?

321. THAT'S CLEARLY FOR ME.

322. NO, NO, NO. THAT'S FOR ME.

323. GIVE ME A BREAK.

324. IT'S DIRECTED AT ME!

325. I WAS TALKING TO HER.

326. PLEASE...

327. THIS BACK DOOR BOUQUET IS CLEARLY MEANT FOR A STAR.

328. SCREW YOU!

329. THOSE ASS GLANDS ARE WORKING FOR ME.

330. LISTEN... LET'S SETTLE THIS.

331. AH!

332. SEE!

333. NO, NO, NO. THAT WAS THE WIND.

334. SCREW YOU.

335. COME ON BITCH, LET'S GO.

336. HEY, DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?

337. I'M HERE WITH ROBERT GOULET.

338. HE MIGHT BE...

339. HERE IT COMES! HERE IT COMES!

340. I'M SORRY— I DIDN'T MEAN TO—

341. OH GOD, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT.

342. SORRY. LOOK, I'L THROW IN AN EXTRA 20.

343. AH! CIVILIZATION.

344. HEY, HEY, HEY. HOLD STILL.

345. HUH? WHO SAID THAT?

346. I DID... BACK HERE DOUG.

347. WOW, YOU'RE A BIG ONE.

348. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

349. MACKTOBU... IT'S AFRICAN FOR GARY.

350. NICE TO MEET YOU GARY.

351. I'M ON A SAFARI.

352. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO WITH MY ANIPALS—

353. MMHMM.

354. BUT, UH, THEY HAVE NO CONSCIENCE, OR SOMETHING—

355. - MMHMM. MMHMM. - SO THEY WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY.

356. MMHMM. THAT'S A SHAME... A SHAME.

357. UM, WHAT YOU DOING BACK THERE?

358. DON'T WORRY, I'M DISEASE FREE.

359. OH.

360. SAY, WHAT'S THAT RASH?

361. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY DISEASES, DO YOU?

362. GOSH, I DON'T KNOW.

363. MMM... BETTER CHECK.

364. UH, WE'LL BE BACK IN A BIT.

365. WE WANT PORN! YAY!

366. RUTH, WOULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A MINUTE PLEASE?

367. WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND SIR?

368. I WAS THINKING HOW GOOD IT WOULD FEEL

369. TO HAVE LATORE'S MOUTH WRAPPED AROUND MY—

370. RUTH, IT'S ALMOST 2 O'CLOCK,

371. UH, YOU BETTER GET BACK TO THOSE REPORTS.

372. YAY!

373. HOW'S IT GOING?

374. PRETTY GOOD DOUG.

375. CHOLESTEROL IS LOW.

376. GLYCERIDES ARE FINE.

377. AND YOU'RE CLEAN ON S-T-D'S.

378. ALRIGHT!

379. CHEERS.

380. OH, HEY FOGEY!

381. SORRY TO USE YOUR ROOM,

382. BUT THIS CHIMP'S— THE DUDE IS WILD!

383. WHOA! COME ON TAKE ME BABY!

384. OH AND I— I THINK I'M IN LOVE!

385. OH YEAH! DO ME! HURT ME BABY!

386. DO ME! HURT ME! ROUGH, ROUGH!

387. CHICKIE, YOU'RE A MARRIED MAN.

388. AW, COME ON FOGEY,

389. THAT WAS IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STATE.

390. COME ON THROW ME AROUND BABY!

391. DO ME! ROUGH STYLE!

392. DO YOU, VIPER,

393. PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR AND OBEY CHICKIE?

394. OH YES. SHE PROMISES. SHE PROMISES.

395. AND DO YOU CHICKIE,

396. PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR AND OBEY VIPER?

397. SMOOTH.

398. RIGHT.