TV Funhouse 1x1

Directed by Ted May • David Concepcion • James Dean Conklin • Sean LeFleur

John Thrall Bush as Sketch Actor • Brian Hyman as Student • Nick Boak as Student • Shane Ayon as Mr. Green Jeans

Doug must wrangle up his own fun when the Anipals ditch him for high times south of the border in Tijuana.

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!req TV Funhouse 1x1 [02:32]
!req TV Funhouse 1x1 [TV Funhouse 1x1]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req TV Funhouse 1x1 [10-11]; !req TV Funhouse 1x1 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. HOWDY, PARTNERS.

2. WELCOME TO "WESTERN DAY" HERE ON TV FUNHOUSE.

3. WE'RE GONNA BEHAVE LIKE WILD WESTERNERS.

4. HEY, LET'S GO GIVE

5. THE ANIPALS THEIR COWBOY OUTFITS.

6. HOWDY-DO, ANIPALS.

7. Y'ALL SET FOR WESTERN DAY?

8. HEY, DOUG. HEY, DOUG. HEY, DOUG, WHAT'S UP?

9. NOTHING.

10. I JUST RECKON IT'S HIGH TIME

11. YOU VARMINTS PUT ON THESE COWBOY HATS!

12. UH, MAYBE LATER.

13. YEAH, NOT IN THE MOOD, DOUG.

14. VARMINTS?

15. I'VE GOT MY COWBOY HAT ON.

16. GREAT.

17. WHY DON'T YOU SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS?

18. WHOA, THAT WAS HARSH!

19. COULD WE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, PLEASE?

20. DOUG, I APOLOGIZE.

21. LISTEN, CHICKIE'S WIFE'S ON THE RAG AGAIN.

22. WHEN IS SHE NOT?

23. THIS MORNING WAS A NIGHTMARE.

24. OH, NO, NO.

25. I WOULDN'T BE IN THE MOOD EITHER, HONEY.

26. NO, THAT'S OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.

27. I CAN WAIT.

28. LET ME JUST GO PUT THESE EGGS AWAY FOR YOU...

29. OH, YEAH.

30. AND THEN I'M GONNA GO OUT FOR A LITTLE, OKAY, HONEY?

31. LOVE YOU.

32. ALL RIGHT.

33. OH, YES, WE— OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.

34. YEAH.

35. OH... OH... OH...

36. SO YOU SEE, DOUG, IT'S PROBABLY A BAD TIME.

37. OH, BUT WESTERN DAY'S A GOOD OLD TIME—

38. HEY, CAN WE GO?

39. LET'S DO SOMETHING— TIJUANA— SOMETHING!

40. TIJUANA SOUNDS GOOD.

41. FELLAS...

42. MR. CUERVO, HERE I COME!

43. SHOTGUN!

44. XABU, ARE YOU ALL READY FOR SOME WESTERN FUN?

45. NOT RIGHT NOW, I'M SO CLOSE TO CATCHING MY TAIL.

46. DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU, TAIL!

47. TIJUANA'S CALLING, LET'S BLOW!

48. WAIT!

49. I'LL SEE YOU GUYS THERE, I'M TAKING THE PIPES.

50. I GOT IT, HOJO.

51. SEE YOU LATER!

52. UM... OKAY.

53. WE'LL BE BACK WITH SOME MORE WESTERN FUN

54. AFTER YOU WATCH THIS.

55. ( narrator ) WONDERMAN.

56. WONDERMAN FIGHTING EVIL AS IT COMES.

57. WONDERMAN.

58. WONDERMAN, WHOSE DAYTIME IDENTITY

59. IS THAT OF HENRY MOORE,

60. FIGHTS A CONSTANT CRUSADE TO STOP CRIME

61. AND GET HIS ALIAS LAID.

62. WONDERMAN.

63. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE, WONDERMAN.

64. DO YOU EVER GO OUT FOR FUN?

65. NOT REALLY...

66. THELMA.

67. THELMA, AS A SUPERHERO,

68. I HAVE NO TIME FOR ROMANCE IN MY LIFE.

69. I'M MARRIED TO CRIME FIGHTING.

70. OH, I UNDERSTAND.

71. THOUGH, I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU DON'T HOOKUP

72. WITH HENRY MOORE.

73. WHO?

74. HENRY MOORE.

75. I HEAR HE'S HUNG LIKE A HORSE.

76. HE'S ACTUALLY TOO BIG FOR SOME WOMEN TO HANDLE,

77. THOUGH MOST ARE INCREDIBLY SATISFIED.

78. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS.

79. I'M JUST SHARING A CONCERN.

80. WHAT IF YOU MEET HIM?

81. IF YOU FALL FOR HIM, YOU'LL BE OVERTAKEN

82. BY HIS SEXUAL PROWESS.

83. WELL, IT'S JUST AN ODD CONCERN TO HAVE.

84. BESIDES, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

85. REALLY?

86. YES, JAKE BRADDOCK.

87. TERRIFIC— WHERE DOES HE LIVE?

88. OH, WHY DO YOU ASK?

89. JUST MAKING CONVERSATION.

90. OVER ON PITTMAN LANE, 927.

91. I SEE.

92. WELL, YOU TWO HAVE FUN.

93. BACK TO WORK!

94. JAKE BRADDOCK?

95. WONDERMAN!

96. MET GIRL OF MY DREAMS— STOP.

97. MOVING TO FRANCE— STOP.

98. SIGNED, JAKE.

99. OH, OH, WONDERMAN!

100. OH, MY, I'M SORRY, I SAID WONDERMAN'S NAME

101. INSTEAD OF YOURS.

102. I GUESS, I HAVE A THING FOR HIM.

103. SOMETHING ABOUT ME ISN'T BOTHERED BY THAT.

104. YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

105. LICKING IS WAY BETTER THAN SNIFFING.

106. I MEAN, LICKING— THERE'S NO COMPARISON.

107. JUST WATCH THE ROAD, PLEASE.

108. WHAT, YOU DON'T AGREE?

109. LICKING'S GOOD.

110. WHAT ABOUT VOMITING?

111. COUGHING UP FUR— THAT'S NOT VOMITING.

112. I KNOW WHAT VOMITING IS.

113. CAN WE GET OUT ALREADY?

114. I FEEL LIKE BUSTING SOME MEXICAN HEADS!

115. ( Fogey ) HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, IN TEN MORE MINUTES,

116. WE'LL BE IN TIJUANA.

117. HEY, HEY, LOOK AT THAT!

118. PULL OVER, PULL OVER.

119. OH, CHICKIE, REALLY—

120. WILL YOU JUST STOP THE DAMN CAR?

121. EXCUSE, PLEASE. EXCUSE ME.

122. EXCUSE, PARDON ME, EXCUSE PLEASE.

123. EXCUSE ME, PARDON, EXCUSE PLEASE, SORRY.

124. EXCUSE PLEASE.

125. OH, OH, LOOK, LOOK AT THIS ONE, LOOK AT THIS ONE.

126. FUR IS MURDER!

127. HEY, RELAX, PAL, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

128. SORRY I'M LATE.

129. I THOUGHT WE WERE MEETING IN TIJUANA.

130. COME ON, LET'S GET IT ON!

131. HEY, AMIGOS, WHAT'S HAPPENING, CABALLEROS?

132. ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE THIS, CHICKIE?

133. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

134. YOU GUYS DUMPING THIS ON ME NOW?

135. CHICKIE, IT'S JUST THAT THESE GUYS ARE PROS.

136. ( announcer ) IN ONE RINCóN, GUILLERMO EL...

137. OH, YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW.

138. ANYBODY CAN DO A "PECK, PECK, PECK, PECK, PECK."

139. WHATEVER.

140. I'M NOT PASSING UP THE SCRATCH OR THE HEN TAIL!

141. OKAY, LET'S GO, CHICO, BIG MAN!

142. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT!

143. ( Chickie ) LET'S GO, CHICANO.

144. COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GO.

145. HELP! OH, GOD, I'M SCARED!

146. HELP, HELP, REF!

147. REF, THIS CAN'T BE LEGAL!

148. HELP, HELP!

149. GOD, HELP!

150. WAIT, UNCLE, UNCLE!

151. COME ON, YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH, STOP!

152. HELP!

153. AHH!

154. LET'S GO.

155. YEAH.

156. ( Chickie ) REF, REF— WHERE'S THE REF?

157. OKAY, THIS WAS THE PART OF THE SHOW

158. WHERE THERE WAS GONNA BE A BIG HOEDOWN.

159. ALL THE ANIPALS WOULD'VE BEEN

160. LINED UP OVER THERE, ALL WESTERN-LIKE.

161. THERE WAS A SONG.

162. ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

163. IF ANYONE NEEDS TO LIE DOWN OR PUKE, GO AHEAD.

164. DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT YOU'RE GETTING OFF, TAIL.

165. I WILL RULE YOU... WAGGING BASTARD!

166. LET'S LOOK AT THIS.

167. ( narrator ) MEMORIZATION.

168. IT'S THE HARDEST PART OF SCHOOL

169. AND PROBABLY LIFE.

170. BUT REMEMBERING FACTS CAN BE EASY AND FUN, TOO,

171. WITH A LITTLE HELP

172. FROM SOMETHING CALLED "MNEMONICS."

173. YOU'VE PROBABLY USED A MNEMONIC

174. WITHOUT KNOWING IT.

175. FOR EXAMPLE, TO REMEMBER THE NOTES

176. FOR READING MUSIC,

177. YOU MIGHT USE

178. "EVERY GOOD BOY DESERVES FUDGE."

179. STARTING TO GET IT?

180. IT'S FAIRLY EASY TO REMEMBER OUR FRIENDS

181. NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, AND WEST,

182. BUT IN CASE YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE,

183. "NO SPANIARD ENJOYS WASHING."

184. EASY, ISN'T IT?

185. BIOLOGY IS NOTHING BUT TEDIOUS MEMORIZATION,

186. BUT MNEMONICS CAN MAKE IT EASY.

187. THE COMPLICATED ORDER

188. PHYLUM, CLASS, ORDER, FAMILY, GENUS, SPECIES,

189. "PLEASE COME OVER FOR GAY SEX."

190. NOW YOU'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

191. LOOK OUT, BIOLOGY.

192. LET'S TACKLE THE STAGES OF

193. EGG, LARVAE, PUPA, ADULT.

194. "ENEMAS LOOSEN PLUGGED ASSES."

195. OH, MY, THAT'S WAY TOO MANY ORGANS.

196. MOUTH, ESOPHAGUS, STOMACH, GALL BLADDER,

197. SMALL INTESTINE, LARGE INTESTINE,

198. RECTUM, ANUS.

199. LET'S SEE WHAT WE CAN DO.

200. "MOM EATS SQUIRREL GUTS

201. "BECAUSE SHE IS LIVING IN RURAL ARKANSAS."

202. PHEW, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

203. THANKS AGAIN, MNEMONICS.

204. YOU'RE A DEAR, DEAR FRIEND.

205. OH, WHERE'S THE REF?

206. OH, HEY!

207. WHAT'S SPANISH FOR "UNCLE" ?

208. EXCUSE, PLEASE. EXCUSE ME.

209. EXCUSE. EXCUSE ME.

210. EXCUSE ME, PLEASE. SORRY.

211. EXCUSE, EXCUSE. PARDON ME.

212. OH, HEY, DIGSY.

213. HEY, MR. FOGEY.

214. YOU GUYS HERE WITH CHICKIE?

215. NO, NO, JUST CRUISING.

216. HEY, I KNOW A REALLY GREAT, NEW PLACE,

217. REALLY HOT WOMEN.

218. WHAT DO WE TELL CHICKIE?

219. WE'LL TELL HIM THE TRUTH: "Y'KNOW, YOUR BROTHER CALLED,

220. YOUR SISTER'S HAVING A LITTER."

221. MR. WHISKERS, YOU'RE GOING TO BE AN UNCLE?

222. YEAH. OH.

223. BREATHE, HONEY.

224. SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD!

225. YOU MADE ME DO THIS!

226. HOSTILITY IS NORMAL, MR. WAGGER.

227. PLEASE, CALL ME "TIGER."

228. YOU ARE A SCUM-ASS!

229. OW!

230. ALL RIGHT, HERE THEY COME.

231. JUST PUSH.

232. IT'S A BOY!

233. AHH!

234. I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

235. A BOY!

236. ANOTHER BOY.

237. OH, WOW!

238. IT'S A GIRL.

239. JACKASS!

240. WOW!

241. HERE'S ONE MORE COMING.

242. OH, ANOTHER GIRL. ALL RIGHT!

243. THAT'S A BEAUTY!

244. YOU'RE DOING QUITE WELL, KEEP PUSHING.

245. AHH!

246. OH, BOY, OH, BOY. KEEP PUSHING.

247. NO, YOU CAN'T GO BACK IN THERE.

248. BREATHE, HONEY.

249. HE'S A COWARD, LIKE YOU.

250. OKAY.

251. OH, OH, YOU ARE DILATED, HONEY.

252. OKAY, HERE IT COMES, ONE LAST ONE.

253. OH.

254. WHAT THE HELL?

255. UH, HONEY, I...

256. YOU BASTARD!

257. I CAN EXPLAIN, I CAN EXPLAIN.

258. YOU FILTHY WHORE!

259. YOU'RE NEVER AROUND!

260. HOW COULD YOU, HOW COULD YOU?

261. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

262. I DON'T WANNA WEAR THAT.

263. IT'S FOR THE KIDS.

264. I DON'T CARE FOR IT.

265. HEY, BUCKAROOS, THE WESTERN FUN

266. WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

267. BUT FIRST, IT'S TIME TO CHECK OUT OUR

268. FAVORITE SNAKE ON "WHAT DID TERRENCE EAT?"

269. HEY, TERRENCE.

270. HOW YOU DOING, DOUG?

271. I'M ALL RIGHT.

272. WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAD A MESS OF VITTLES, THERE.

273. HUH?

274. YOU HAD A BIG MEAL.

275. OH, WELL, I'M NOT SAYING.

276. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU KIDS ARE GONNA GUESS AT HOME.

277. SO TAKE A GOOD LOOK

278. AND GUESS WHAT TERRENCE ATE.

279. OKAY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AND SHOW YOU

280. AFTER THIS CARTOON.

281. ( woman ) OKAY, ARTEMIS, NOW I'M GOING OUT FOR A SPELL.

282. YOU WATCH THE BABY, THE IMMIGRANT,

283. AND THE GUY ON MUSHROOMS WHILE I'M GONE.

284. ALL RIGHT?

285. GOOD KITTY.

286. GOODBYE, YOU THREE.

287. OH!

288. OH!

289. OH!

290. OKAY, GUYS, YOU GOT ENOUGH TO DO?

291. CHECK THIS OUT.

292. OH!

293. OH!

294. OH!

295. GREAT, I'M GONNA TAKE A LITTLE CATNAP.

296. YOU GUYS DON'T GET INTO ANY TROUBLE.

297. OH!

298. OH!

299. OH!

300. OH!

301. OH!

302. OH!

303. OH!

304. OH!

305. MMM...

306. OH!

307. OH!

308. OH!

309. OH!

310. HMM... HMM?

311. AI!

312. THE REAL JEWS ARE THE BLACK PEOPLE.

313. IF YOU READ ABOUT THE 12 TRIBES OF ISRAEL...

314. OH!

315. OH!

316. OH!

317. WAS A BLACK MAN.

318. YAH!

319. OH!

320. OH!

321. OH!

322. OH! OH! OH!

323. OH! OH! OH!

324. AHH!

325. OH!

326. OH!

327. OH!

328. AHH.

329. ( woman ) THERE YOU ARE, MY ANGELS.

330. I BROUGHT YOU PRESENTS FOR BEING SO GOOD.

331. OH!

332. OH!

333. OH!

334. OH, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU, ARTEMIS.

335. OUR LITTLE GUARDIAN ANGEL.

336. AHH.

337. YEE-HAW, THAT WAS A GOOD 'UN.

338. AND NOW IT'S TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT DID TERRENCE EAT?

339. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'RE GUESSING IN OUR ON-LINE POLL.

340. 38% OF YOU THINKS IT'S A BOY PLAYING BASEBALL.

341. 27% THINKS IT'S A WELL-ENDOWED CHIMPANZEE.

342. 31% OF YOU THINKS IT'S HALF OF MY FAVORITE MARTIAN.

343. OH, THAT WAS A GOOD SHOW.

344. AND 4% THINKS IT'S ALAN KEYES.

345. HE ALWAYS GETS ABOUT 4%.

346. SURE DOES.

347. OH, HEY, TERRENCE, LET HER RIP.

348. OKEY-DOKE.

349. TERRENCE, IS THERE ANYTHING I COULD DO TO HELP?

350. I DON'T KNOW!

351. COULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN?

352. MAYBE SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO CATCH OUR TAIL!

353. HOW'S THIS, BETTER?

354. I THINK SO.

355. UGH...

356. OH, IT'S MICE AGAIN.

357. DAGNABBIT.

358. GOTCHA!

359. HA-HA-HOO!

360. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, GANG.

361. BE RIGHT BACK.

362. OKEY-DOKE, I BET OUR ANIPALS

363. WILL BE MOSEYING ON BACK SOON

364. FOR THE BIG ROPE TRICK, THE BIG...

365. PLEASE!

366. I SAID, "COULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN?"

367. WHAT YOU DOING THERE, XABU?

368. OH-HA-HO!

369. OH, NO, YOU'LL TELL THE TAIL.

370. YOU'RE IN CAHOOTS WITH THE TAIL!

371. YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU TWO.

372. HERE'S ANOTHER DARN-TOOTIN' THING.

373. ( girl ) THIS IS A POLICEMAN.

374. THE POLICEMAN MAKES SURE THAT EVERYBODY IS SAFE.

375. HE DIRECTS TRAFFIC AND TELLS YOU WHERE TO WALK.

376. HE PUSHES THE SUBWAY AND MAKES IT GO.

377. THEN HE MAKES THE STRIPES FOR CANDY CANES.

378. THEN HE SLIDES DOWN HIS POLE

379. AND PUTS OUT A FIRE.

380. AT 3:00, HE DIVES INTO THE EAST RIVER.

381. THEN HE JUMPS BACK OUT.

382. THEN HE DANCES NAKED.

383. AND THEN HE CRIES HIMSELF TO SLEEP.

384. THEN HE TAKES A CHILI BREAK.

385. THEN, BEFORE HE GOES HOME FROM WORK,

386. HE SHOOTS THE GOVERNOR.

387. THAT'S WHAT A POLICEMAN DOES.

388. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HE DOESN'T DO.

389. HE DOESN'T CONTROL THE WEATHER.

390. THAT'S A CHEF.

391. WOW, I SEE WHAT THAT ROTTWEILER WAS INTO NOW.

392. NICE PLACE, HUH, MR. FOGEY?

393. OH, SWEET.

394. YOU READY? SURE.

395. OH... ( chuckling )

396. HOW'S YOUR SISTER?

397. NOT GOOD.

398. OH, BOY.

399. HEY, GET IN ON THIS.

400. THANKS, PAL.

401. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

402. HEY, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU GUYS?

403. WHISKERS HAD A FAMILY EMERGENCY.

404. OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

405. WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKING YOUR SISTER, WHISKERS?

406. MOVE OVER!

407. OH, OH, YEAH.

408. WOO!

409. OH, YEAH... OH, YEAH.

410. HEY, DON'T GET TOO COMFORTABLE,

411. HE'S PRETTY QUICK.

412. YEAH, I LOVE MEXICO!

413. OKEY-DOKE.

414. WELL, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE THIS WEEK.

415. BUT JUST THINK, WE CAN DO ALL THE WESTERN THINGS

416. WE DIDN'T DO NEXT WEEK,

417. ASSUMING WE CAN DO THEM AND THEN—

418. I NEED TOTAL SILENCE, PLEASE?

419. OH, YES.

420. THE TAIL WILL BE MINE.

421. HMM, TAIL MASSAGER.

422. SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD, HUH, TAIL?

423. I SAY, "IT SOUNDS GOOD TO GET YOUR TAIL MASSAGED."

424. I'D SURE LIKE IT IF I WERE A TAIL.

425. HERE, I'LL HELP YOU OVER TO IT.

426. YOU SEE, YOU JUST STICK YOUR TAIL SELF INTO IT.

427. RIGHT THERE, LOOK, YOU JUST GET YOUR HAND

428. INTO THIS OPENING LIKE THIS, DON'T YOU SEE?

429. AHH!

430. DAMN YOU!

431. DON'T YOU WAG AT ME, YOU COCKY SON OF A BITCH!

432. I'LL GET YOU!

433. I'LL GET YOU, TAIL!

434. NIGHT-NIGHT.