Trailer Park Boys 5x8

1. - What's the number on that cart, Bubs?

2. - Huh? - The number on the cart.

3. What's the number?

4. - There's no number on this one yet.

5. Well, I knew it was only a matter of time

6. before my cart business

7. and Ricky and Julian's dope business collided,

8. so the day's here finally.

9. - Basically the hardest part about dealing dope is transport.

10. I mean, I learned that back in Grade 9.

11. And Julian's got this plan

12. we're gonna ship it around the province

13. in shopping-cart handles, which is great,

14. 'cause you got a shopping cart that looks perfectly normal,

15. but inside the handle, it's full of hash.

16. - And it does help get rid of that hash,

17. which I don't like lying around here,

18. with Lahey fucking wandering around,

19. drinking fucking huge bottle s of liquor.

20. - Pictou Vocational School , they need hash.

21. , Cobequid Vocational School , Shelburne, Port Hawkesbury

22. fucking Digby, Yarmouth. Everybody wants fucking hash

23. So we're gonna sell this whole driveway

24. probably in two days. It's awesome.

25. - Ricky, I need my cart hammer back.

26. - Do you want Trinity drivin g around the park with no brakes

27. I'm just changing the brake hose for Trinity

28. I don't want her driving aroun d the park in an unsafe car.

29. When we sell the hash, I'm gonna give her this car.

30. How many fathers can give their 9-year-old daughter a car?

31. I'm just happy I'm in a position I can do something like that

32. - Ricky, do you really think it's a good idea

33. to be letting Trinity drive around in your car?

34. Come on, man, I need your help over here, buddy

35. - Julian, let me tell you a little story

36. about something my dad taught me, okay?

37. - Ricky, no offence, but your dad taught ya.

38. Your dad's kind of a drunk , chronic VLT gambler,

39. put in jail for defrauding the government, you know.

40. s - Well, he's also one of the best fucking father

41. a person could've had. We'll be bailing him out of jail

42. later on today when we sell the hash.

43. , Anyway, I know you guys think you're smarter than me

44. and who fucking knows, maybe you are.

45. But one thing I know is when you're growing up,

46. , you gotta fucking do illegal shit once in a while

47. have a bit of fun and maturinate into a better person.

48. If you go to jail, you learn a fucking lesson

49. and you don't go to jail after that.

50. You know, your thoughts might be better than mine,

51. o but I have thoughts going around in my head to

52. e about different thinkings an d brain things that you can us

53. , and doing different things

54. and I think I know what's best for my daughter,

55. so fuck off and let me fix the brakes for my daughter

56. and then I'll help you with the hash.

57. You guys don't always know what's best,

58. so my thoughts have feelings of their own too sometimes

59. - Ricky, what are you talking about

60. - I dunno, Bubbles.

61. I dunno.

62. - We got like seven handles here.

63. I said 200, Bubs. We need 200 handles.

64. - Julian, 200 handles is 200 carts.

65. That's a lot of fucking carts. I don't know.

66. I don't know if I can do it. It's a lot of work.

67. - No, no, no. What do you mean ? Who's the king of the carts?

68. Huh? - I am.

69. So I just have to go get the carts.

70. The way I always do.

71. No pressure and no fucking touching hash

72. - Bubs, the beauty of this plan, you don't gotta touch the hash

73. You just gotta collect the carts, man. That's it.

74. - Careful with it, boys!

75. - Good luck, buddy. Going to school. See you soon.

76. - Alright, time to get some e fucking shopping carts going

77. That's my specialty. Ricky and Julian

78. probably could've helped me if we need that many fucking carts,

79. but I guess I'm better at it than anybody.

80. So this is where I go to get most of them.

81. This is a fucking goldmine down here.

82. This is one of the spots I've been coming for years

83. It's usually just littered with dirty old fucking carts

84. Holy fuck! Get down! Get the fuck down!

85. That's Gary, the head mall cop

86. If he sees me, I'm fucked.

87. We're gonna have to wait this one out, boys.

88. - Bubbles! Bubbles! - Ah, fuck.

89. - Come on out of there!

90. Bubbles, I know you're in there! I can see your cart!

91. It's right here, man! - Fuck!

92. Gary, I'm just having a... just having a pee down here.

93. , - Bubbles, get up here. You take my shopping carts

94. I take your go-cart. Get here now!

95. - I'm not taking your shopping carts. I was having a pee.

96. I didn't want anyone to see my bird.

97. - What's with the carts, Bubbles?

98. - I brought those carts with me. They're from another mall, Gary.

99. - Another mall?

100. , You're not the one who get s the calls from head office

101. night and day, asking about stolen shopping carts.

102. You're not the one who waits t o go to a Chris de Burgh concert

103. for three-and-a-half years so I can go in

104. and miss the encore, Don't Pay the Ferryman,

105. because I'm on the phone in the foyer

106. talking about stolen shopping carts!

107. I'm the one who gets those calls Bubbles, not you

108. Me. And you know what? I don't wanna get those calls anymore.

109. - Well, why don't you fuckin g turn your cellphone off, Gary?

110. - Don't fuck with me, Bubbles.

111. Shit. Fuck!

112. - It's not on, Gary. - Well, turn it on!

113. Start the fucking thing!

114. e - I got all this pressure on m

115. to get all these fucking carts

116. and I come down to the mal I and Gary's fucking all over me

117. I misjudged their perseverance , I guess.

118. - It's a simple mathematic equation, Rand.

119. Julian wants this trailer desperately,

120. so if I keep upping the price,

121. he'll do whatever it takes..

122. to get the money.

123. That sexy fucker's smart, Randy.

124. Parading around in his fucking tight little fucking T-shirt

125. But we're smarter.

126. You know what we're gonna do , Rand?

127. When we get Julian behind bars...

128. we're gonna drink this whole fucking bottle.

129. And then...

130. - Mr. Lahey, after everyone' s gone back to jail,

131. we're gonna stop drinking, right?

132. - Absolutely, Rand. - You promised, Mr. Lahey.

133. - Randy! Shhh.

134. Do you hear that? - What?

135. - What were you saying? - I can't say anything.

136. You keep saying Randy. - Randy!

137. - How much you want?

138. What's your locker number?

139. And the combination.

140. Why does Daddy always smell like garbage?

141. - Well, your dad smells like garbage

142. because he has a job picking up garbage.

143. Remember Mr. Lahey told us that?

144. - God, Lahey's stressing me out.

145. I really need to get drunk tonight.

146. - Speaking of which, I think it's a good idea

147. for us to go to bingo, have a couple of drinks

148. and let off some steam.

149. - When I drink with Sarah now, I know when to cut it off.

150. - The only problem is sometime s Lucy starts drinking

151. a bit faster than me and I can't keep up

152. and then she gets way too drunk.

153. - I... I drank a little bi t when I was in high school,

154. but I'm totally over that no w and I never, ever get hammered

155. It's... it's a waste of a day.

156. - It's gonna be awesome. You totally deserve it.

157. - I totally deserve it. - Here's a couple shots

158. to get you started. Glad you guys are here.

159. You'll look after Trin tonight - Uh, no, can't.

160. , We're working for Julian. Sorry. We wanna hang out with you

161. but we can't. - It kind of pissed me off

162. when Corey and Trevor said they wouldn't look after her

163. , I told them they were going to

164. but it's much better for the m to be working for Julian,

165. learning some important skills , than hanging around with Ricky

166. - I did over two grand today at school, which is awesome.

167. I decided I'm gonna be in charge of the fucking money.

168. My brain's been working good , so fuck Julian.

169. It's my money now.

170. Oh, for fucksake. Fucking spot check.

171. I had open liquor. That's always nice.

172. , Fuck this shit. I got no insurance or anything anyway

173. I may as well just get the fuck out of here.

174. Anyway, I bought a bunch of booze so I can get drunk,

175. some smokes. I'm gonna go bail the old man out of jail

176. I plan on still being fucking drunk

177. Nice try, boys. Fucking idiots

178. They shouldn't be able to pull you over like that

179. Fucking cops and their spot-check bullshit.

180. - Where's the rest of the carts, man?

181. - I crashed! - You're okay, man.

182. - Julian, I hid in the bushe s for 40 fucking minutes

183. with pine needles pricking m e on the bird

184. and that's all I could get - Who were you hiding from

185. - Gary, the fucking mall guy He was on me

186. like shit to a blanket. - Fuck Gary!

187. - Hey, boys. We are gonna get fucking wasted tonight

188. Grab a bottle, boys, let's start drinking.

189. Smoke some SPJs, hash.

190. - Where'd you get all the liquor, man?

191. - Sold some hash, buddy, spent some cash.

192. We're gonna have lots. Who cares? Here, grab a bottle

193. - How are we supposed to get your dad out

194. if you keep spending money ? Huh?

195. - Julian, there's a whole driveway full of hash there,

196. we're gonna have lots of money - We don't have the money yet.

197. Go start cutting up the driveway.

198. We're gonna start shipping that stuff out tonight.

199. Where's the rest of the money?

200. - I got a little bit here and, uh, the rest's in the trunk.

201. - Okay, leave it in the trunk, put the hash in the trunk.

202. We're going to use it as a safe, alright?

203. Listen, you go back to the mall, okay?

204. There's gonna be some cart s there for ya.

205. - What do you mean?

206. - I'm gonna take care of it, okay?

207. - Holy fuck. What a crash.

208. I could've been killed!

209. - You guys must think you're pretty tough, eh?

210. Picking on my friend Bubbles ? - I-I-I was just doing my job!

211. - Oh, what do you think he was doing?

212. - How do you think he makes a living?

213. How do you think he feeds his cats?

214. - I don't know! Take your finger off the trigger! Please -

215. - Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhhhhhh

216. Listen, alright, this is what I want you to do.

217. , - Okay, I'm listening. - You take all those carts

218. , you throw them over the bank

219. alright? - Absolutely.

220. - That's all I want you to do. Okay?

221. You're not gonna call the cops, are you?

222. - No.

223. - What the fuck is he doin g with that driveway?

224. - Looks like he's repaving it, Mr. Lahey.

225. I told him it looked like shit - What a job.

226. Four-thirty in the afternoon , he's drunk already.

227. Should be quite a night, Randy

228. - We're already drunk too. - Randy!

229. - Oh-ho! First try!

230. - Rick Ricky! Hey. - Hey, Luce.

231. - Ah, listen, will you take care of Trin

232. Sarah and I wanna go to bing o and get a couple of drinks

233. - I was gonna have some drinks too,

234. but, yeah, I'll wait till later, I guess.

235. I wanna get drunk later. Do you wanna get drunk with me

236. - Yeah, okay, I'll do that - If you're getting drunk later,

237. who's gonna take care of this kid here?

238. - I got 60 bucks for to sa y maybe you'll look after her.

239. - For to say? - Yeah. I got 60 dollars

240. for to say that you'll babysit her.

241. - Okay, 80 bucks for to says I'll do it.

242. - Eighty bucks? - Yup.

243. - Fine. Okay.

244. Actually, Lucy, here's some money for you.

245. Have some drinks, but don't get too drunk, alright

246. I don't want you to pass out or whatever.

247. I wanna see you later. - Well, if I pass out,

248. I won't be any use to anyone, right? So...

249. - That's what I'm saying. Don't pass out.

250. Just have like five, six drink s or whatever.

251. - I never do that. It'll be fine.

252. - Can I have some money for school supplies?

253. - Sure.

254. - You know, Ricky, I think it's really cool

255. that you're spending time with your daughter.

256. - Thanks, Sarah. - Be good and be careful.

257. - Yeah, bye.

258. - Well, we're gonna do some bodywork to the car,

259. try and get it inspected? - Sure.

260. Daddy used to steal inspection stickers, but then,

261. I kinda went to court one time and almost went to jail,

262. so now it's just easier to do the bodywork.

263. So we gotta fill holes. This bit of rust here is fine,

264. but see where there's a hole right there

265. - Yeah. - We gotta fill that.

266. Nice. Where'd you get all the carts?

267. - I don't know what Julian did down there, Ricky,

268. but it's a goldmine down at the mall.

269. You're here at the front. - Looks like a bunch of drunks

270. playing with shopping carts, Mr. Lahey.

271. - Shit flowers, Randy.

272. w - Maybe they're turned a new leaf, ever since they sa

273. how you took care of Ray and J Roc.

274. , - From a distance they loo k like ordinary flowers, Randy

275. but when you get right dow n and stick your nose in them,

276. you realize they're shit flowers

277. e and there's a whole fucking bouquet ther

278. right in front of Ray's trailer.

279. - We're out, Mr. Lahey. - Randy!

280. - Shhh! - Rand.

281. - Ricky, I need more hash logs

282. - Hey, what's popping, Kermit?

283. Wanna see if we can get the ca r to go to the store?

284. - Ricky, I don't wanna be Mr. Complainy,

285. but I don't like having all that hash in my shed.

286. , - Well, Bubs, the faster we get this in the handles

287. the faster it gets out of here

288. - I'll roll up another hash log, then, for fucksakes.

289. - Dad? Dad? - Not back here, sweetie.

290. Not back here.

291. - Can I roll with Kermit down to the store?

292. Can I take the car? - Uh, no, you can't.

293. k But what you can do is go down to the edge of the trailer par

294. and park it. Get out, lock the doors,

295. go to the store, get what you need.

296. Actually, get me a couple bags of chips.

297. Dressed All Over and Zesty Mordant.

298. Then just come back here after that when you're done.

299. - Put your seatbelts on. Don't leave the park, alright?

300. - Okay.

301. - When you're a kid, doing stuff that's illegal is a lot more fun

302. than doing stuff that's legal,

303. so I let her take the car. She's only driving

304. around the park. No big deal I told her to put her seatbelt

305. I don't see the problem.

306. Lucy might have a problem, but she's at bingo.

307. What Lucy doesn't know won't learn her.

308. - What's up, dude? - Hey, boys.

309. Alright, listen up.

310. This is Sunnyvale right here , okay?

311. You've got to drive the cart s to the Pictou shopping mall,

312. , which is right there. Drop the carts off in the parking lot

313. Buddy'll pick them up later. Can you do that?

314. - I dunno if Julian told you , but he told me

315. that things go a lot smoothe r when he's working with us

316. than when he's working with Ricky,

317. so that's like a really high compliment coming from him

318. - What the fuck are you looking at, Trevor?

319. - What's up, Ricky? - Suck my cock, Trevor!

320. How about that, you skinny little fucking weasel!

321. - Ricky. You're not even supposed

322. to be talking to me! Get away from me!

323. - Trevor, Trevor, that's enough. Ricky, that's enough.

324. - I'm not afraid of Ricky. I dunno about you.

325. - Yeah, well, uh, we let him come close to us.

326. Like, we waive the peace bon d all the time

327. and we let him within 10 feet of us.

328. I think he knows that's pretty cool of us, too.

329. I'm pretty sure he might be even intimidated a little bit by us

330. - Yeah, he's afraid.

331. - What if we drove down Midnight Pass Road?

332. - No, man. If we go up this way, we stop at Mimar's Arcade.

333. e - What the fuck? Does one of you idiots mind telling m

334. why there's only 10 fuckin g carts left in that truck

335. instead of 20? - Yeah, we had to move 10 off.

336. - Oh, you moved 10 off. D'you hear that, Julian?

337. Precious little Corey and Trevor fucked up

338. and took 10 carts off the goddamn load.

339. - Your order's for 10 carts. Rick. You fucked up.

340. - What the fuck are you looking at, Trevor

341. - You fucked up, Ricky. You know what else?

342. You're wearing the same dirty clothes

343. since you got out of jail. You fucked up, man.

344. - What did you just say to me? - Uh-oh.

345. - Knock-knock, Trevor.

346. - I'm not gonna say "Who's there," man.

347. - You just did, you fucking idiot.

348. - Rick! Ricky! - Those are my new pants!

349. - What are you doing, man? ! - Ricky!

350. - Boys, boys! We're suppose d to be working like a team here

351. , You wanna be on a winning team that makes a shitload of money

352. or do you wanna be on a losing team that goes to jail, huh?

353. Apologize to him. - I'm not apologizing to him

354. - Corey, move. Apologize to him.

355. - Sorry I ripped your pants off, Trevor.

356. - It's alright, Ricky. Shit happens, man.

357. - Do you want your pocket back - Trevor, here's some gas money.

358. You guys can leave now. Corey, get over here. Gas money.

359. And here's 20 for a new pair of pants.

360. - Thanks a lot, Julian. - Alright, no speeding.

361. Put on your seatbelts. Don't fuck around.

362. - See you later, Ricky.

363. - Do a good job, boys.

364. - Ricky, you ripped his fucking pants right off.

365. - I don't know what happened I'm just so stressed out lately.

366. I fucked up. He was fuckin g standing up to me, though.

367. He better watch himself,

368. or he's gonna lose a fucking friend, I'll tell you that

369. - Ah! The cops! The cops!

370. Kermit, get in the back, get the bottles! Hurry up!

371. - Are you Trinity? Get out of that car right now.

372. - There they are, Randy.

373. Hello, gentlemen! Hey, Jules.

374. Having a little drinkee-poo? Tasty isn't it?

375. Couple of drinks on a hot day.

376. - We're just here to do the lot water tests, boys.

377. - Randy. We're just here to do lot water tests, boys.

378. It'll just take a sec. - Lahey, I live in a tent.

379. - I have a shed, Lahey. I don't have water.

380. - Listen here, Captain Drunkity - Cock, none of us have water,

381. so we don't need any of this crap.

382. - Ricky! Destruction of property, Rick.

383. - Barb says we got full authority to do tests

384. - Randy, you're right. Sorry You do have full authority

385. To fuck right off and fuck off good, okay?

386. And you can fuck off too, Mr. Lahey.

387. - How about the pants come off , Rick?

388. And I kick the shit out of you - Take 'em off, Randy.

389. - It's gonna happen. They're coming off.

390. - Come on, I've been wanting to fight you for a while.

391. - Give me a little whack. Come on, Ricky,

392. give me a little whack! Come on, Ricky, give me a little whack!

393. - Watch out, Ricky, his pants are off!

394. - I don't care! - His pants are off!

395. - Come on, Ricky, come on, give me a little crack.

396. - This is between me and Lahey , Rancy!

397. I'm gonna fucking -

398. - Crank him, Ricky, fucking give him one!

399. He deserves it! - Ah!

400. - Fucking stay out of this , Randy.

401. - Rick, see your coat, Ricky? Well, how do you like that?

402. - Come on, Ricky! - Give it to him!

403. - Just once, Ricky! - Don't do it, Rick!

404. - Ricky! Come here.

405. - Jeez, Lucy, are you alright? - She's loaded!

406. - What's going on? - Trin was just arrested.

407. - What? Where is she?

408. What the hell is this shit? Huh?

409. Trin, what are you doing in there?

410. - Omigod! - Easy, Rick. Take it easy

411. - You take it easy, you dick That's my daughter.

412. If Trinity was drinking and driving, I mean,

413. that'd be a big deal. But she wasn't.

414. She hadmyopen liquor in the car, going to the store

415. to get her dad chips. What's the problem with that

416. She shouldn't be taken downtow n for that shit.

417. The car didn't do nothing wrong. Why are you towing that away

418. - You got no inspection, it's not registered.

419. Driven by a minor while in possession of alcohol

420. That means impound, Rick, that's the law.

421. - Well, can I at least get my stuff out of there first?

422. - Why, d'you forget something, Ricky, like your daughter maybe?

423. - That's very funny, Sarah - I don't think so, Rick.

424. - Trinity, Daddy's gonna take care of this, alright

425. - Ted, can I talk to you for a sec?

426. - Don't tell them your name, where you live, none of that

427. , - We're both adults and I was thinking, you know

428. maybe you and I could find a way

429. that we could possibly pull it together.

430. g - Maybe we could work out charging you for attemptin

431. to bribe a police officer with sexual favours.

432. We could work that out. - Geez -

433. - Randy. Guess not, eh? - We're cool. Come on, Lucy.

434. I think Lucy behaved completely appropriately

435. for what was going on. Um, she got a little upset

436. I think any good mother would get a little bit upset

437. when her daughter's being arrested.

438. - My big concern is there' s 12 pounds of hash in the trunk

439. and a bunch of our money. And I have no idea

440. how we're gonna get that out of impound.

441. I guess we'll figure it out.

442. But I'm a fucking great dad. I'm gonna teach her some stuff

443. I think her getting taken away by the cops is good for her.

444. She'll learn from that. Probably be a better kid.

445. Worked for me. I turned out great.

446. - Fuck off, George!

447. Boys, am I the only one freaking out here?

448. We're goin to jail forever The hash is in the car, Julian

449. - Bubs, Bubs, Bubs, we're no t going to jail, alright?

450. If the cops were gonna search the car,

451. they would've been here hours ago.

452. We just gotta get that car out of impound.

453. Oh, that's probably them now

454. - Come in.

455. - What's up, dude? We done everything.

456. - Went perfectly, Julian. We never fucked up once, man

457. - Where's the new pants?

458. - Uh, I spent the money at the food court.

459. Here, Ricky, this is for you 'cause I fucked up earlier, man.

460. - You did fuck up, Trevor, but thanks.

461. - So maybe we'll hang out later?

462. - You guys want anything down at the store?

463. Pop or chips or anything? - Boys, did you not notice

464. e There was a big awkward silenc

465. when you said bye the first time.

466. And now you're doing basically the same thing

467. and it's just gonna happen again.

468. See how this is working? Just go, boys.

469. - Alright, so we'll see yo u later, then, dude.

470. - Boys, just, when the cops ge t here, tell them I won't resist

471. I'll just be in my shed hyperventilating.

472. - Look, Rick, Rick, I know your family's in jail

473. y and your car's impounded and everything looks shitt

474. right now, but you gotta stay focused, man,

475. keep that stick on the ice , alright?

476. Things are gonna turn around, bud.