Trailer Park Boys 5x3

1. - Basically were heating the hash up

2. and we're gonna lay down it the driveway,

3. roll it out. It's Julian's plan.

4. I do trust his judgmental,

5. but this seems a little fucked , if you ask me.

6. - A little fucked? You think so?

7. I mean, his whole theory is that you normally don't drive

8. by someone's house if he has a paved drive

9. and think: "Oh, look,

10. they must have 100 kilos of hash laid down there."

11. I think this is totally fucked

12. - It's about fuckin' time. What took you guys so long

13. D'you forget about a little something?

14. Fifty fuckin' feet, boys. I'm sick of this shit!

15. Sorry, dude. - You better be fuckin' sorry.

16. - Rick, ease off these guys. They're doing a good job

17. - This wasn't my fuckin' idea.

18. If they gotta stay 50 feet awa y from me,

19. they're gonna stay 50 feet away from me.

20. It's not my fuckin' problem! I'm sick of it.

21. - Hey, what's with all the fuckin' ruckus out there, boys

22. The old guy in the chair is trying to sleep in here

23. - Ray, we're just doing some landscaping.

24. Chill out go back to bed. - What are you doing?

25. - Landscaping. Go back to bed.

26. - There is too much fuckin' ruckus, boys.

27. - Dad, I'll take care of it. - Keep the ruckus down.

28. - That's the other problem I am not gonna put my dad

29. in a jeopardization with a hash driveway in his yard!

30. , - Rick, Rick, remember back in the bowling-alley days

31. how you'd hide weed in the smoke pack on the ground?

32. The cops come - it's not yours , it's just laying there.

33. It's basically the same fuckin' thing.

34. Your dad sleeps on this lot, they can't do shit to him.

35. - Julian, that doesn't eve n make fuckin' sense.

36. - It does make sense, Ricky. - You know what else?

37. I cannot work with those fuckin' dicks.

38. So I'm gonna give you an ultamarran right now.

39. It's either me or Gumby and P'fuckio.

40. , - Boys, keep heating that stuff up

41. you're doing a good job.

42. You're fired. - What? You're gonna fire me

43. After I raised Corey and Trevor?

44. Now you're gonna start running them?

45. - Hey, they're doing a good job, okay?

46. - Fine, Julian, I'm going to fuckin' bed.

47. I'll tell you one thing - they are gonna fuck up.

48. It's only just a matter of time. You make my fuckin' words.

49. Good luck with your little precious Corey and Trevor.

50. - You don't really believe that, do you, what he said?

51. - Bubs, it's right out in the open.

52. No one's gonna figure this out It's the perfect fuckin' plan.

53. - Oh, yeah, perfect plan.

54. - Listen, man, we sit on this for a while

55. If we find the proper buyer, he buys the whole thing.

56. One lump sum. It's very low risk.

57. Don't worry about it.

58. - Very low risk until we get caught.

59. Don't worry about it, okay

60. I promise ya, nothing's gonna get fucked up.

61. - Boys, get some water!

62. - What the fuck was that, Julian?

63. - Fuck, man.

64. - I'm not the kind of person to say, "I toad a so,"

65. but ya know what? I toad a so. I fuckin' a toad a so!

66. - Me and the Rock Pile got getting groceries

67. down to a science, right? Know what I mean?

68. For real. We just roll up

69. to a different Parcel Pick U p every day,

70. Make sure them grocery bitches ain't there.

71. - Straight up.

72. - Just jack the shit and throw it in the whip, right?

73. - Another beautiful day in Sunnyvale, Randy.

74. - It is a nice day, Mr. Lahey.

75. - Randy...

76. - Mr. Lahey, I cleaned that stuff up properly.

77. - Then someone else has been using our equipment, Randy

78. I wonder who that could be

79. - Whoever it is, they didn't even clean it properly.

80. Should I do a report, Mr. Lahey?

81. - The winds of shit are in the air.

82. - Huh? - Nothing, Randy.

83. - Lahey, what the fuck you lookin' at with your skir today?

84. - Never mind, J-Roc, keep her movin'.

85. - Randy, why don't you go on eat a cheeseburger,

86. you basketball-eatin' walrus-ass mothafucker.

87. - Frig off, J-Roc! Actually, I'm off the cheeseburgers now.

88. - Randy, don't play me like some kind of sucker, dawg

89. Mothafuckers with guts like that ain't off the cheeseburgers.

90. e Mothafuckers with guts lik

91. definitely areon the cheeseburgers, dawg.

92. - Bbbbbbbb...

93. - Yeah, man. - Ray?

94. What's on, Rick?

95. You pave that driveway yourself? That shit's tight.

96. What the fuck are you doing, you fuckin' idiot?

97. You do that again, you fuckin' jerk, I'll kill ya

98. - Ricky, calm down.

99. It's only a driveway, man. - Why you acting so hard?

100. We just walked by with some groceries for ya, candy

101. Hang out and shit.

102. Talk about getting my turntables back maybe or some shit.

103. - For real, man. - Here's an idea -

104. why don't the three of you fuck off a while

105. and let me finish sleeping

106. Fuck.

107. - Fuckin' me and Tammy bought this place 35 years ago

108. Got a 35-year mortgage; two weeks ago,

109. paid it all off, man. It's mine free and clear.

110. Something to leave to Ricky, I guess.

111. Yeah, come on in.

112. Ah, fuck. - Get that check cashed, motha -

113. - Nah, J-Roc, I didn't get a chance. Sorry

114. Was that 'cause you were too busy getting drunk,

115. getting your lap dance on? - No.

116. How come you got enough scrill y to get your lap dance on,

117. but you ain't got enough to pa y your groceries tab, dawg?

118. That don't make no sense.

119. - Ray's hooked on those video lotto machines.

120. VLTs, he calls them. He's down there every day

121. pumpin' the dirty cocksucker s full of all his money.

122. - Hear me out. I'm goin' down tonight.

123. I'm gonna hit the machines , makin' the 20 bucks I owe ya

124. and another 20! I'm gonna front you guys 20.

125. - He'll pump 200 bucks into one,

126. play it and win 50 dollars on his ticket

127. and then somehow in his brai n he thinks he's ahead.

128. - That's the same bull-ish you laid on me last time, dawg

129. So go on with your drunk VLT-playin',

130. smellin'- like-Hamburger-Helper drunk mothafucker.

131. - Hey, boys, that's the truth. I'm gonna have my lunch now.

132. Peace. You boys are out. - Ray, that's cold, dawg.

133. You all mothafuckers, dawg We'll be back

134. - Boys, nice to see you. - Ah, fuck!

135. - Dicks.

136. - Ray. - What, what?

137. - You didn't see 60 bucks lying around, did ya, bud?

138. - Sixty bucks? - Yeah, I had 60 bucks

139. here on the night table ther e and it's gone.

140. - What, twenties or something? - Three twenties.

141. - What do you... No, I didn't. Uh, fuck, no. Sorry.

142. Did you check in your couc h or anything?

143. - Ray, there was 60 bucks there when I went to bed,

144. now it's gone. - What are you saying,

145. I stole your money? - Well, I dunno

146. what I'm trying to say here, Ray. It's gone.

147. - You're sayin' I stole your money!

148. The guy's sleepin' on my couch , I'm not chargin' any rent,

149. and you're accusing me of stealing 60 bucks.

150. That's what it sounds like - Well, has anybody else

151. been in the trailer? - No.

152. - Like, since I've been to bed ? - No.

153. - Well, it's fuckin' gone. - Coincidence, man.

154. - I think me not working wit h Julian anymore is for the best

155. I mean, fuck him. Now I can concentrate

156. on more important things, like my family

157. and trying to get things going with my daughter Trinity again

158. , So I think I'm gonna cook up a huge BBQ dinner for them

159. try to get things happenin g again with my family.

160. - Great! Fuckin' Julian!

161. See, this is what I'm talking about, Bubs.

162. He fucks the old man's BBQ over, doesn't even give a fuck.

163. - Well, it's probably just , you know -

164. - Gimme a little bite of that, buddy?

165. - Ricky! That's all I had.

166. - Look, I'm gonna have a BBQ for the family tonight,

167. I'll make sure there's extra food for ya, man

168. That's the kinda guy I am. - How are you gonna do that?

169. You just told J-Roc to fuck off, did you not?

170. - Bubs, he's a business man. Don't worry about it.

171. For fucksakes!

172. - Enjoy your bin, dawg. - Shizzle. J-Roc.

173. - What's goin on?

174. - Not too much, Ricky. I fucked off like you told me.

175. What now? - I need some food.

176. I need some burgers, I need a cooler,

177. frozen pizzas, couple bottles of BBQ sauce,

178. onions, pickles, cheese,

179. and most importantly, I need a new fuckin' BBQ.

180. A nice BBQ, not some piece of shit.

181. I want a fuckin' kick-ass BBQ. You get me all that by noon,

182. I'll give you back some of your shit, alright

183. - Ricky, here's what I'm talking about.

184. Trinity don't even use them turntables, dawg.

185. Ya know what I'm sayin'? For real.

186. So I'll get you all that shit,

187. , plus the dopest BBQ you ever seen in your life

188. but in exchange, I get two turntables

189. and one microphone and you got a deal, B.

190. - Hmm. Alright, throw in a pack a smokes,

191. we got a deal. - Deal, B!

192. Slip... base!

193. - Okay, okay.

194. Oh, good, Lucy - look, it's Mr. Dumb Sweaty Guy

195. - Hey, Rick.

196. - Who's playing the pianio ? - Trin is.

197. She's been playing it nonsto p since you gave it to her.

198. - But the sounds and stuff coming out of there,

199. how did that get learnt?

200. - She's been taking lesson s for four years, Ricky.

201. Right, you've been drunk and in jail for four years

202. Trinity might be playing piano some of the time,

203. but mostly she's totally fucking out of control.

204. She wants to be like her dad, for some reason.

205. I don't understand it, 'caus he's totally fucked in the head,

206. but she looks up to him.

207. - Trinity's got in a coupl e fights, throwing bottles,

208. to me that's all part of growing up.

209. The thing with kids and growin s and getting learnins and stuff

210. n is that you can't lie to them. Basically, if you tell childre

211. they can't do something, they're gonna wanna do it more

212. When I was young, I did all kinds a crazy shit

213. and I turned out wicked.

214. That's 'cause my dad was fuckin' cool he let me do shit

215. I was allowed to drive his car around the park.

216. Basically, I took my dirt bike to school.

217. He let me grow dope in his she d in Grade 7.

218. That's what good parenting's about.

219. You gotta give them a bit of freedom.

220. Remember how I used to cook for you guys

221. and it was awesome? - It was awesome, yeah.

222. Things were really good.

223. Well, I wanna start getting like that again.

224. Have a big BBQ

225. and start hanging out some more as a family.

226. What do you think? Would you wanna let me cook for you?

227. , - Yeah, if by "cook for you, " you mean get drunk, pass out

228. shoot off guns and Corey and Trevor go to jail,

229. why wouldn't I wanna do that

230. And Ricky, that's my moisturizing cream

231. And that shit is for external use only.

232. , - I don't care about guns and dope, Corey and Trevor

233. , any of that stuff anymore. What I care about is my family

234. spending more time with them I'm trying to try here, Sarah.

235. Can you give me a bit of credudious?

236. - What do you think? - Well, you know what?

237. I think it'd be fuckin' magic. I think it would be great.

238. - Cool, I'm just gonna gra b a couple turntables.

239. Give them back to J-Roc. What's the fuckin' problem here?

240. Fifty feet, boys. - Ricky, leave them alone.

241. Stop worrying about that peace-bond shit

242. Listen, I've got to talk to yo u about your dad.

243. - What are you talking about ? - He stole 60 bucks off me

244. Went to sleep, I had 60 buck s on the night table,

245. I woke up, it was gone.

246. Guarantee it's those fuckin' gambling machines.

247. - That's fucked. Ever since he paid his fuckin' trailer off,

248. he's just out of control. - I'm worried about him, man

249. - Great timing, Lucy just agreed to have dinner with me tonight

250. I'm gonna have a big BBQ.

251. You're welcome to come, I'd love to have you there

252. I wanna get back with her, buddy, and this is my chance

253. Tonight's gotta be awesome I want it to be perfect.

254. - You wanna get back with Lucy ? - Yeah.

255. Is there any way you could tak e my Dad out for a couple hours,

256. talk to him?

257. It sucks, but just try to talk some sense into him.

258. - I don't got the cash to go out with your dad.

259. - You must have a few buck s for a couple drinks and stuff.

260. I'll pay you back. Man, this is my chance.

261. I wanna get back with my fuckin' family.

262. It's all that matters to me now. I still wanna get stoned

263. and drunk and stuff, but I wanna be with them.

264. - Alright, I'll take him out

265. I'll try to talk some sens e into him.

266. - Thanks, buddy. I really do appreciate it.

267. - Rick... Ricky, leave those guys alone.

268. Come on. - Fuck, those guys are stupid.

269. What are you doing with them today, anyway?

270. - It's just a training day - Piece of advice -

271. if you're gonna be running Corey and Trevor,

272. treat them like fuckin' dogs It's the only thing that works

273. - Boys, sit! Sit.

274. - Julian's training progra m is so much better,

275. because he's got a list of commands and terms

276. that he uses with us.

277. And he almost treats us like an equal

278. and he'll use the same types of terms and words

279. over and over again.

280. - I'm tellin' ya, things are really heating up

281. with me and Lucy right now It's goin' awesome.

282. I can't fuckin' wait till tonight.

283. Julian's gonna take the old man out,

284. have a bit of alone time, really get some stuff goin'.

285. Holy fuck.

286. It's gonna be awesome. I can't wait.

287. - Need a refill, Mr. Lahey

288. - No, Ran.

289. They always have refreshment s down at the bridge game.

290. - Bridge game?

291. I thought you only played on Tuesday and Thursday.

292. - Well, there's always a bridge game, Randy.

293. Right now, I need one.

294. Helps me keep my mind off the liquor.

295. - Forgot your playing cards, Mr. Lahey.

296. - Oh. Thanks, Bo-bandy.

297. - What the hell is this?

298. - Shut up, I talked to Trinity about it. She's cool.

299. - Okay, so it's between hi m and Trinity, and you know what

300. She's not using them that much

301. She's using the keyboard, it's not... It's fine.

302. - I'm trading them for a BBQ so we can all eat together

303. - So that we can all have meals together.

304. Like, you know... It's perfect.

305. This is not... This is not... bad.

306. - Got any Worchesner sauce

307. - Um...

308. - See you guys at the BBQ. Thanks, Sarah.

309. - That's great. Thanks... Thanks, Ricky.

310. - What just happened here?

311. - Hey, Ricky, check this shit out, dawg.

312. - No fuckin' way! A fuckin' Outdoorsman?

313. Where the fuck d'you get this?

314. - Chained up outside Canadia n mothafucker, where else?

315. - Not a mothafucker around , either.

316. - It's factory-built, but it doesn't look too bad.

317. - That's fuckin' awesome.

318. , - I mean, anytime I've ever seen him cooking in my whole life

319. that's when he's the most calm and the most focused.

320. 'Cause he's not thinking about dope and guns,

321. and goin' crazy,

322. he's just focused on cookin' that meal.

323. s I mean, it takes all of Ricky's mental abilitie

324. to cook something.

325. I've seen him get pulled into a trance by bacon sizzling.

326. He'll just stand there.

327. - Well, two turntables and a microphone J-Roc.

328. - Thanks, boy.

329. - I'm gonna cook the fuck out of stuff on this thing

330. - I'm gonna scratch the fuck out of these mothafuckers tonight.

331. - What the fuck's the deal with these machines?

332. You win any money or what?

333. - Not doin' too bad, buddy Up about 60 bucks.

334. - The guy in the chair's feelin' lucky tonight too, boys.

335. - Well, what do you say, Ray

336. Let's go hit a bar, get a couple of drinks.

337. - Just gonna finish this drink and we'll get goin', okay, buddy

338. - Alright. - Yo, Ricky!

339. Hey, any chance of us bein g able to fuck with a burger

340. - No problem, boys. How do want them done?

341. Well done, medium, rare? Actually, no. Police bond.

342. Fifty feet. Sorry, boys. - You know what, Ricky?

343. You can make them some fuckin' burgers.

344. - I'll run 'em over for you, Dad.

345. - No, you don't have to, Trin. They're fine over there.

346. - My fuck, these are good burgers, Ricky.

347. - Let's go, sweetie.

348. - Is everything okay, Trin ? Was the food good?

349. - Yeah, it was great. - See you tomorrow, okay?

350. - Let's go, buddy.

351. - Ricky, make sure you put out those candles and torches.

352. We don't want a fuckin' fire - I'm not an idiot.

353. - Where are you guys goin' ? - Goin' to a strip club.

354. You wanna come with us, buddy? - Strip club?

355. - Thanks, Julian. - Goin' to a strip club!

356. - Let go of some of those fries, buddy.

357. - Ricky, these are my fries. Make your own.

358. There's fat on the stove - I don't know how to work that.

359. I got new potatoes on the grill. You can have some of those

360. Gimme some fries. - No. Can't. Can't help ya

361. Corey, Trevor, do you wanna go in the car, boys?

362. Put the wheelchair in the trunk.

363. - Get in the back. - Youget in the back, Ray.

364. - There's more room back there , Bubs. Go ahead.

365. I'm doin' you a favour.

366. - If your legs don't work, why do you need more room?

367. - Jesus. - For fucksakes!

368. Ah, fuck!

369. Fuckin' potatoes are burned, Lucy. I'm sorry.

370. - You know what? That's okay I'll eat those.

371. - You can't eat those. Look at them.

372. We'll cook some french fries

373. - Jeez.

374. Those are gonna be awesome

375. - Fuckin' great.

376. - Rick, do you think there's any way

377. that we could have a conversation

378. without... a fuckin' circus?

379. - Yeah, of course.

380. Guys, please, I've been pretty fuckin' nice here.

381. You're fuckin' things up with Lucy.

382. , I need to talk to her in private about some financial stuff

383. childamony, a bunch of other stuff,

384. and I don't want you guys fuckin' following us.

385. We're goin' for a drive. Fuck off.

386. You with the Mike, too. Seriously.

387. Ready, Luce? Let's go. - Yeah, just a second.

388. - Julian, we have to get some drinks

389. They're not gonna let us sit here.

390. - Got us covered, Bubs. Don't worry about it.

391. Corey, Trevor, let's go with some drinks.

392. - Boys, sit down. Corey and Trevor,

393. they got big erections on them

394. Everybody noticed them. Jesus Christ, boys,

395. ease off with the fuckin' erections

396. - Ray was supposed to go u p to the bar and get us drinks

397. , Julian gave him liquor money

398. but he's wheelin' there

399. and he veers into the fuckin' VLT room

400. and dumps money into the machines.

401. - Ray, what the fuck you doin', man?

402. - I lost all the liquor money, boys.

403. - What? - That's the way she goes.

404. - That's the way she goes? ! - That's right,

405. that's the way she goes. That's what I said.

406. - So you lost all our drink money, is what "she goes."

407. She's gone.

408. - That's right. That's the way she goes.

409. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't.

410. She didn't go. That's the way she goes.

411. - Well, I guess we're goin ' the fuck home, then.

412. - Corey, get him out a here.

413. - It was gonna be the best night ever, now it's the worst ever.

414. Fuckin' way she goes, he said.

415. Fuckin' way she goes.

416. Goddamn erections ruined the night.

417. - Oh, fuck! Ricky, put your pants on!

418. - What the fuck's goin' on here? Back when we were teenagers,

419. me and Lucy used to come parking

420. behind the muffler shop all the time.

421. It's really dark. It's just a great place to bang.

422. Look, we just came down here We're sleeping.

423. - You know exactly what we we're doing here

424. and I don't know why you can't just fuckin' leave us alone!

425. - Apparently, now,

426. you can't bang behind the muffler shop.

427. The cops are back here all the time. Cops roll up on us

428. right in the middle of some stuff goin' on...

429. She's been drinkin', I wasn't drinkin', I'm driving

430. We came here... We were having a nap.

431. - We're not! - I don't have anything on me.

432. Sorry. If you wanna follow m e back to my dad's trailer,

433. I've got everything there.

434. I've been trying to get shit going for years.

435. We were together a long time ago,

436. she's the mother of my child We almost got married,

437. now were getting back together and this shit happens.

438. - Are you still talking to that dick?

439. Let's get the fuck out of here

440. - I mean, my car's not legal I had no ID,

441. so it's pretty good of the m to let us off.

442. I'm gonna go back to the trailer park.

443. Hopefully my dad's not home, we could finish this stuff off

444. - I don't think so, tiger.

445. I'm sorry, I just don't thin k that's happening tonight.

446. - I love those little pepperon sticks they give you at the bar.

447. , These are fuckin' awesome. - If we'd stayed longer, Ray

448. you could've had more of those - No, I ate all of them.

449. It was all they had left. - Oh, fuck, boys.

450. - What's with the cop cars here? - They found the fuckin' hash.

451. - What fuckin' hash are you talking about?

452. - I gotta get the fuck outta here, man.

453. - Julian, look, there's fire trucks.

454. - Oh, my fuck, boys. - There was a fire.

455. - Donny's trailer's burnt down again, boys. That poor bastard

456. - Where's Ricky. Do you guys see Ricky?

457. - Omigod. This isn't good.

458. - In front of my trailer, you guys.

459. - Dad, just had a little bit of a fuckup. No big deal

460. - What? - Fuck, Julian.

461. Omigod, what went on here?

462. - Holy fuck.

463. - Jesus Christ, Julian, get me out, get my chair.

464. Oh, my fuck.

465. - Omigod. - Hey, Dad.

466. - Ricky, what kind of a fuckup was it, buddy?

467. What happened to my trailer? - I dunno.

468. It just burned down. All on its own.

469. - On its own? What...? It burned down on its own?

470. What happened? - Grease fire. Nobody hurt

471. - I think he overreacted a bit

472. Yeah, his trailer's fuckin' burnt to the ground,

473. but it could've been worse No one was hurt, at least.

474. Definitely, he overreacted

475. - Grease fire? What do you mean?

476. - Pots on the stove. That' s what the fire inspector says

477. Some idiot. - God, the french-fry pot.

478. - Ricky, get these firemen off the driveway

479. and get these people the hell out of here.

480. - Okay, buddy. - Quick.

481. - Guys, if you don't mind, get off the driveway, please

482. It's the only thing my Dad has left.

483. It's kinda soft from all the fuckin' heat.

484. Please, just get the hoses and shit off there, everything

485. Okay, everybody, the fire' s over. It's all fuckin' out

486. , Please clear out of here. Thanks for all your help, guys

487. with all your water and everything else you did.

488. Get off the fuckin' driveway Seriously about that.

489. Not gonna ask you again.

490. Everybody else, just please go home.

491. My Dad wants to be alone right now.

492. Show some fuckin' respect, please!

493. Get the fuck out of here. I'm serious.

494. What are you looking at?

495. Nothing to see here. A little bit of a tiny fire,

496. we're gonna fix it up. Fuck off.

497. - Ray...

498. We set up a relief station back at the house.

499. You're welcome to bunk out there tonight if you want.

500. - No, I don't think so, Jimmy.

501. - Is it 'cause I don't have a ramp?

502. - No, Jimmy, it's 'cause I don't like you, buddy.

503. I'd rather sleep on the goddamn ground.

504. Capeek?

505. - Let's go. Out of here, Lahey Get, Randy, get!

506. , Dad, I know this looks fucked up right now

507. but it's not that bad.

508. I mean, it's pretty fucked, but...

509. I'm sorry, man. I can't believe this happened.

510. - It's the way she goes, buddy

511. The fuckin' way she goes!