Trailer Park Boys 3x2

1. - Come on, lahey. - Come on, get in there.

2. Get in little kitty, go on.

3. Jiggle it some or something.

4. Get in. Eat the fish.

5. Flashlight, Randy!

6. Got him.

7. - Bring him up. - Pull up, Randy.

8. - What's going on? - He's down there.

9. What's all the noise about? I'm trying to sleep.

10. Ricky, sergeant meowensten fell down the well

11. 'cause these two arseholes had the lid off all weekend.

12. Oh, the weekend? Oh, Randy, isn't that your job?

13. Aren't you the weekend trailer park supervisor?

14. - Come on. - Don't lose him.

15. - Here he is. - Don't lose him.

16. We got him.

17. Oh, thank you. Oh my god.

18. Barb, I want to file a complaint

19. against those two drunk bastards right there.

20. They let sergeant meowenstein fall down that well,

21. and it was almost the end of him.

22. This place is going to shit again.

23. You haven't started the recycling program.

24. The park is a complete mess.

25. Frig off, Barb.

26. - Frig off? - Yeah, frig off.

27. Chill out, back off, mind your own business.

28. Excuse me, excuse me, Randy.

29. But if you don't watch it,

30. you're gonna find yourself suspended.

31. - You can't— - stand down, Randy.

32. She can't suspend me.

33. Right, you're suspended. Three weeks.

34. Find yourself a temporary replacement,

35. and if your attitude hasn't improved after three weeks,

36. it'll be permanent, Jim.

37. Randy.

38. Who's going to replace me, Mr. lahey?

39. Don't fucking interrupt my sleep again.

40. Yeah, Randy was suspended.

41. He started to imbibe my feelings of resentment for Barbara,

42. and they just got away from him.

43. He went one step too far, and she stomped him.

44. Hey, Julian, buddy ole pal. How's it going?

45. No fucking way, Ricky.

46. Come on, man, I just need 3 grand

47. to buy a pound of weed, get back on my feet.

48. You got all kinds of money left.

49. Ricky, I've got 10 grand left,

50. and I already got plans for it. Sorry, man.

51. What about you, bubbles?

52. You got any cigarette money or anything I can borrow?

53. Oh, I'd loan you money, Ricky,

54. but, fuck, I got 38 cats to look after in this park.

55. You know how expensive cat food's getting?

56. The little tins now are as much as the big tins used to be,

57. and the treats are fucking through the roof.

58. And all the cats get two treats a week.

59. Calm down. I know what it's like.

60. I can't even afford fucking school supplies for Trinity.

61. Thanks, Julian.

62. Why don't you just come work for me, man.

63. I got something cooking up.

64. Well these mo-fuckers that I know from Russia, right,

65. through this adult film that I made

66. called "from Russia with the love bone"

67. contacted me, right, saying they got some vodka and shit.

68. And they needed 10,000 bucks.

69. I ain't got that kind of money.

70. I'm trying to save up money for a video for my new joint.

71. It's called "microphone assassin."

72. It's going to be dope.

73. The shit's tight. Shit, yeah.

74. Anyway, the only mo-fucker in the trailer park

75. I know who's got 10,000 bucks is Julian.

76. I got something lined up, man. It's a big job.

77. If you want in,

78. just shut up, and I'll tell you what to do, all right?

79. Shut up?

80. Don't fucking talk to me like I'm Trevor and Corey, Julian.

81. I thought we were friends. If you were my best friend,

82. you'd loan me 3 grand to buy a pound of weed.

83. Listen, you lost your money in two days.

84. That's not my fault, all right.

85. If you want in, just say so. If not, the hell with ya.

86. Why don't you go talk to lahey? He's hiring.

87. Lahey.

88. Don't make fun of that job, boys.

89. I applied for that fucking job. It's a good paying job.

90. No, seriously, fuck off,

91. and stop fucking following me so much.

92. You're following me way too much now.

93. Yeah?

94. Hey, guys, how you doing?

95. Shit. Ricky, what are you doing here?

96. Come on, man, we don't have time for you today.

97. Let's go. Let's get out of here.

98. Calm down, Randy.

99. I'm just here to apply for your job, all right, twinkle nuts?

100. Apply, applying for my job?

101. There's no way you could do my job, Ricky.

102. Come on, let's go.

103. I'm just as qualified for this job as anyone else in this park.

104. Randy, Randy. Cool it.

105. Ricky, you serious about applying for this job,

106. you be here tomorrow morning at 8:00 for aptitude tests.

107. Sure. What's an aptitude test?

108. Suitability test, Ricky.

109. I'll wear a suit if I have to, I don't care.

110. I'll be here. Thanks, lahey.

111. Get out of here, Ricky.

112. Enjoy your suspension, Randy.

113. Mr. lahey, you've got to be kidding me.

114. There's no way, please, I mean, Ricky can't do my job.

115. Au contraire, Randy. This could be fun.

116. That's $10,000 in 20s and 50s.

117. Trailer park supervision is not easy.

118. Most people who try to succeed in this industry

119. do not make the grade.

120. You will be tested mentally, physically, and psychologically.

121. Questions?

122. I have a question. What the fuck is this shit?

123. "Write out directions

124. "for the fastest way to get to the liquor store?

125. "How to get Burma stains out of kah-hay-ki pants?"

126. It's khaki, Ricky. It's a color.

127. Whatever. This is fucked, lahey.

128. Why don't you go home, Rick?

129. Why don't you fuck off. You need some hypo-suction.

130. Pens at the ready and go.

131. This is stupid.

132. I expect respect. I respect diligence.

133. And I expect courtesy,

134. and uh, Ricky doesn't have any of those.

135. Two, one. Bags up, boys. Weigh in time.

136. - Oh. - Let's go, Trevor.

137. I didn't know the muffler counted.

138. That's not garbage. That's a recyclable.

139. Bubbles. Got it.

140. Jacob. Got it.

141. How did I do, Mr. lahey? Did I win?

142. Let's just say you're not going to make it, Trevor.

143. Ricky, somehow you won this event.

144. Yes.

145. But don't let it go to your head. Okay, boys!

146. A 20-pound muffler in there.

147. Next stop is two cycle engines.

148. This mower has been disable.

149. Each applicant will have five minutes

150. to find the problem and fix it.

151. Hey, j rock. 60, 65 proof. Good job, boys.

152. This is the shit, boy, you know what I'm saying?

153. Straight up Russian connection in the house.

154. Time's up, Trevor.

155. Sorry, you've been eliminated.

156. What?

157. Eliminated. Corey.

158. I don't want this stupid job anyway.

159. Then why'd you apply, Trevor?

160. Okay, Corey. And go.

161. Hey, wait up dude.

162. Go fuck yourself, Mr. lahey.

163. Like I said, boys, some just don't make the grade.

164. Why is your crew fucking around getting drunk?

165. T man, what's going on, motherfucker?

166. Man, I had to test it out, man.

167. I left you in charge to do some shit, unload boxes—

168. guys, unload the Van.

169. Listen, j rock,

170. lahey doesn't know shit about this right now,

171. but if he does, he's going to call the cops,

172. and it's gonna be your ass, not mine.

173. And you're going to owe me 10 grand.

174. Okay, Ricky, shut her down.

175. Well, didn't expect that, but, okay.

176. Ricky, you had the best time, but the idle is a bit off,

177. so I'm making a five-point deduction.

178. Fuck off, lahey, the thing's working perfectly.

179. Bubbles, you came in second, and Jacob...

180. Sorry, bud, but you didn't make it.

181. Right, so, uh, how are the interviews going?

182. Good.

183. Randy, what the hell are you doing here?

184. You're suspended. Leave.

185. See you, Randy.

186. Right, so who are you hiring?

187. I'm just tallying up the scores now, Barb.

188. This can't be right.

189. Right. Congratulations, Richard,

190. you are the new temporary relief

191. assistant trailer park supervisor.

192. - Fuck. - Thanks, Barb.

193. Aw, it's my eyes holding me back.

194. When I was a little guy, I always thought maybe

195. I could be a space man or something when I grew up

196. and go to space in a rocket,

197. but you got to be able to see really fucking good

198. to do that job,

199. and so they'd take one look at me and say "uh, sorry, sir,

200. you got to be able to see a little better than you."

201. I don't give a fuck.

202. Sorry, buddy.

203. It's all right. Congratulations, Ricky.

204. Thanks, bubs.

205. You'll do a good job probably. Cocksucker!

206. Right. Richard, can you start tomorrow morning, 8:00 A.M.?

207. - Sure can. This is awesome. - Great.

208. Jim, make the arrangements. Get him a uniform.

209. - Barb, don't do this to me. - Jim!

210. - This is Ricky. Please don't. - Shake his hand.

211. And this time,

212. don't let your personal feelings interfere with your job.

213. Obviously I can't assume Randy's position,

214. you know what I'm talking about there,

215. but looking forward to working with you

216. and cleaning this fucking park up

217. 'cause it looks like shit right now.

218. Think you can handle it, Ricky?

219. Absolutely.

220. See you at 8:00 tomorrow morning.

221. I'll be here at 7:30.

222. Thanks again, Barbara.

223. Oh, you're welcome, Jim.

224. Rick!

225. Holy fuck.

226. Ricky.

227. Fuck off, lahey. What fucking time is it, you dick?

228. It's 8:01, Rick.

229. Our work day begins at 8:00.

230. Rule number one.

231. Rule number two, I am the boss.

232. Rule number three, you get three strikes

233. and then I can legally terminate you,

234. do you understand?

235. Yes, I fucking understand.

236. Good. Rule number four, all temporary relief assistant

237. trailer park supervisors will wear uniforms.

238. I'm not wearing a fucking uniform.

239. Oh, yes, you will, Rick.

240. You've already used up one strike.

241. Two more strikes, and you're out.

242. I can't believe that he would want the job first of all.

243. You got one minute, Rick. Tempus fugit.

244. Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?

245. What the fuck does tempus fuckit mean?

246. Ignorance is bliss, Rick, when 'tis folly to be wise.

247. Fuck off.

248. Thank you.

249. I don't like this whole idea, but unfortunately

250. I have to accept it until you fuck up two more times.

251. Well, I don't plan on getting fired, Mr. lahey.

252. I just plan on doing my job and doing it good.

253. Strike two, Ricky.

254. Smoking's only permitted on breaks.

255. You got 15 minutes to clean up this garbage.

256. And Ricky? What?

257. Don't forget the dog shit.

258. I'm not cleaning up dog shit.

259. You clean up strike three, Ricky?

260. Fine, fuck.

261. 15 minutes.

262. Screwdriver, cut and blow dry and I get a free forty of vodka?

263. - Yup. - Who thought up that deal?

264. It's a need-to-know basis, Randy.

265. Julian's boot-legging in the park again, isn't he?

266. - I didn't say that. - Idiot.

267. Why are you so stressed out? What's your problem?

268. Ah, I should just get drunk, since I've been suspended.

269. Barbara. Bitch.

270. All done, boss.

271. Impressive, Ricky. I'm surprised.

272. Can I have a cigarette now, Mr. lahey?

273. Oh, I don't think so.

274. There's a rope and a hook in the trunk.

275. I want you to meet me down by the lake.

276. - Yes, Mr. lahey. - Move.

277. Boys, here, I'm going to set you guys up

278. with three bottles of vodka each.

279. As soon as you're finished selling these,

280. I want you to go through j rock from now on.

281. I have nothing to do with this. I'm keeping low key.

282. Nothing to do with this operation whatsoever.

283. Here's your float, and here's the calculator.

284. You guys make sure you use this, because if you come back short,

285. you're going to be responsible. Do you understand me?

286. - I'm not stupid, Julian. - Yes, you are stupid.

287. That's why I have to tell you this.

288. Since you were responsible for throwing most of the ten speeds

289. stripped down in this lake,

290. I think it's only right and fitting, Ricky,

291. that you should drag the lake.

292. I haven't stolen a ten speed in over two years, Mr. lahey.

293. The only people stealing ten speeds now is Corey and Trevor.

294. What the hell are you doing there, bubbles?

295. What?

296. What are you doing in the lake, bubbles?

297. What's it look like I'm doing in the lake?

298. I'm hauling shopping carts out, trying to make a living

299. 'cause I didn't qualify for your stupid temporary relief

300. assistant trailer park supervisor job.

301. - Sorry, bubbles. - Rick, drag the lake.

302. If I find any carts, bubbles,

303. I'll give 'em to you, all right, buddy?

304. - Unhook the flukes. - I would assume you would!

305. Good undercarriage there.

306. I can't believe how many bikes are in this fucking lake.

307. That's the first bike I stole for Trinity right there.

308. There's a lot of memories in this lake.

309. I think I'm going to leave this one in there for her.

310. Maybe when she's older, I can take it out and show her again.

311. Ricky! Ricky!

312. Ricky, looks like we got a major crime alert here.

313. It's a 1035, bootlegging.

314. I want you to handle the arrest. Can you do it?

315. Move. Freeze!

316. What the fuck are you doing?

317. What's the fuck's going on here, guys?

318. It's not what it looks like, man.

319. Dave just owed us some money.

320. We happened to drop off some booze for him.

321. Really, where are you getting the booze?

322. Nowhere, man. That shit's ours, we do that on our own.

323. Knock knock.

324. Who's there?

325. Two stupid idiots that aren't smart enough

326. to be doing this on their own.

327. Who in the fuck do you work for?

328. Nobody, dude.

329. We're free enterprise, man, I told you.

330. It's just me and him.

331. Really, okay. No problem guys.

332. What are you doing?

333. Working for anybody now?

334. I don't know what's up

335. with Ricky and this new weekend trailer park supervisor job.

336. I'm a busy guy, and all he's doing is complicating things,

337. and I've got this 10 grand invested into these businesses,

338. and he's cruising around acting like Mr. lahey,

339. and I don't know,

340. I think he's just doing it to piss me off.

341. Go, Corey, get the fuck out of here. I'm keeping this.

342. Ricky, what the hell's going on?

343. Why you letting them go?

344. Why bother with a couple of shit sticks

345. when you can have the whole shit trawler, Mr. lahey?

346. Nice shit analogy, Rick. I got another job for you.

347. I want you to find bubbles, pull him over and fine him.

348. - I can't do that to bubbles. - Take the car.

349. You got a problem with that, Rick?

350. License, registration, insurance, bubbles, let's go.

351. Do you have any of that shit? Do you have permits for this?

352. Your fucking cart's going all over the road.

353. It's dangerous.

354. It's a dangerous load. Lahey's freaking out.

355. Ricky, you gave me this cart.

356. I didn't give you that fucking trailer

357. to be hauling carts around like that!

358. It's dangerous. You're going to hurt somebody.

359. Oh, yeah, the trailer was fine

360. when I was hauling you off the street drunk though,

361. taking you home and looking after you.

362. I gotta give you this written warning, bubbles.

363. - Ricky, that's—oh, my god. - I'm sorry.

364. Ricky. It's time to test your loyalty, Ricky.

365. There's something going on up there.

366. I don't know what it is, but I want you to find out.

367. Ricky.

368. What do you think's going on, Mr. lahey?

369. Ricky, you know what this is?

370. - It's a walkie. - Yeah, it's a symbol, Rick.

371. It's a symbol of your authority in this park.

372. It's Randy's. I want you to be careful of it.

373. I want you to stay in contact with me

374. and get in touch with me

375. in case I need to call the cops, you got that?

376. I think they're bootlegging up there, Ricky.

377. If they are, I got 'em. Ricky..

378. Don't forget. You're on my side now.

379. Hey, Rick.

380. Knock knock, Julian.

381. Who's there, Ricky?

382. A bootlegger. A bootlegger in this park.

383. And I hope it's not you, Julian, because that would put me

384. in an awkwardly situation, wouldn't it?

385. What do you mean, putting yu in an awkward situation, Rick?

386. I work for lahey now, okay?

387. And I just hope it's you that's not involved.

388. That's all I'm saying.

389. Well I am involved, Ricky.

390. It's me doing it, you bonehead.

391. Mr. lahey.

392. Randy, do you mind? I'm on surveillance.

393. I was just at the salon.

394. I've got something really important to tell you.

395. Walkie check.

396. Yeah, I copy that. Do you need assistance, over?

397. - Negative, just a check. - Copy.

398. Who's walkie is Ricky using?

399. He's using the old one I found in the shed.

400. That one crackles. He's using my walkie,

401. the one you gave me for my birthday.

402. Do you remember that? My birthday.

403. Randy, it's just a walkie.

404. It's more than just a walkie, Mr. lahey.

405. You're losing it, buddy.

406. Why? 'Cause I'm not selling fucking dope and stuff.

407. So sorry.

408. I'm not losing it, am I, bubbles?

409. Well Ricky, I don't know.

410. You're dressed up like Mr. lahey.

411. I've never seen anything like that.

412. He made me wear the uniform. It's not my fucking fault.

413. I don't know, Ricky. It's weird.

414. Questioning is over. I'm returning to base

415. and requesting permission to smoke, Mr. lahey.

416. - Smoke break, buddy. - Copy that.

417. Careful with my walkie, Rick.

418. This is my walkie now, Randy. You got suspended, remember?

419. So fuck off.

420. It's still my walkie.

421. No, I guess you didn't hear what I said.

422. The first thing I said was it's my walkie now.

423. The second thing was you're suspended.

424. And the fourth thing was fuck off.

425. All right, Julian's not involved.

426. He said Corey and Trevor are probably the ones bootlegging.

427. Right.

428. Holy fuck, I'm itchy.

429. I feel like I got a Bumblebee bite or something.

430. Ricky. You've been exposed to poison Ivy.

431. What, am I gonna die or something?

432. - No, you're not going to die. - What are you doing?

433. - You gotta get this shirt off. - Why?

434. I'm not selling vodka in this trailer park.

435. You got it? That's not what I heard.

436. Holy fuck, boys, come here. Look at this.

437. Lahey's taking Ricky's shirt off.

438. Look.

439. Julian, what's happening here?

440. That's, that's pretty fucking crazy.

441. You all right, Randy?

442. This is just a precaution in case the cops come.

443. Why would the cops come, Julian?

444. Ricky wouldn't do that to us, would he?

445. I don't know, man. He's working for lahey.

446. He's acting like a dick.

447. He's got no shirt on, man.

448. Mr. lahey! Mr. lahey!

449. Julian's got shitloads of vodka, and he's bootlegging.

450. He's in charge of the whole friggin' thing.

451. Bullshit! Get out of here, Randy.

452. You've been fucking replaced, remember? Fucking asshole.

453. Ricky, is Julian involved in bootlegging in this park?

454. Trust, Ricky.

455. Randy is an idiot.

456. I told you, Julian has nothing to do with it.

457. Trevor and Corey mentioned something about vodka earlier,

458. but that's it. Okay.

459. Listen, he's totally frigging lying, Mr. lahey.

460. He's full of crap.

461. Boys!

462. George green. Jim lahey.

463. Julian! Hi there.

464. Julian, man, just so you know,

465. I didn't have a fucking thing to do with this.

466. Randy fucking talked to lahey, and lahey called the cops.

467. I'm sorry, man.

468. Don't worry about it, Rick.

469. I didn't do anything wrong, man.

470. That's right.

471. When did you get the pool?

472. Today.

473. It's nice, man. Really nice.

474. Jim, you bring me out here.

475. Do you think you could have

476. a little something for me next time

477. instead of this shirtless circus that's going on?

478. Why don't you get a video camera or something?

479. Do it right.

480. George, he poured it all down the drain. He was tipped off.

481. - Please! - Strike three, Ricky.

482. It is my duty and pleasure to inform you that you are fired.

483. Give me your walkie.

484. I'm not fired. I fucking quit.

485. You want your walkie back?

486. No problem. Here, Randy.

487. Why don't you go fucking get it.

488. Ricky!

489. You just crossed the line, Ricky.

490. Randy! Cool it, Randy. Stop it.

491. Jeez, get out of there.

492. What in the fuck!

493. 10 grand, Ricky. Gone. Thanks, man.

494. That sucks, Julian. You fucked up, buddy.

495. You didn't include me in the plan for once,

496. and things went to shit.

497. Now we gotta start breaking the law like crazy.

498. Ricky, Ricky.

499. I got no problem with that.

500. Just stop talking for a minute, Ricky, all right?

501. Boys, come sit down here for a minute.

502. You guys go to jail frequently,

503. so here's what I've been thinking.

504. If you went to Ray's fridge and took his pepperoni,

505. he'd be fucking losing it, right?

506. And he'd come after you, "Ricky, where's my pepperoni?"

507. But if you go in there and take a couples bites out of it

508. every now and then, you'd still get to eat pepperoni,

509. but Ray's not coming after you.

510. That's what you guys gotta do with crime.

511. Stop doing big fucking crimes

512. that the cops are going to notice right away.

513. Just do little ones, you know. All kinds of little ones.

514. Steal barbeques. Siphon gas.

515. You're still going to make a whole bunch of money.

516. Diversification, low end crimes.

517. Bingo. Know what I mean, Ricky?

518. Yeah, I understand, I think.

519. But maybe you should just explain it to me one more time.

520. All right, there's a fridge

521. that's full of pepperoni that you don't own.