Trailer Park Boys 2x7

1. Ricky, what are you doing?

2. I'm just doing some tests.

3. You were supposed to get rid of this shit.

4. What's up with the new clones?

5. Look, hear me out, Julian, all right? -No, you hear me out, Ricky.

6. The deal was grow the dope, sell it — that's it.

7. No more breaking the law.

8. That's what I want to talk to you about, man.

9. When I went back to school,

10. it changed all my "perspecticks" on life.

11. Imagine what I could do with dope once I get my grade 10.

12. It'll be awesome.

13. Ricky, you're starting to scare me.

14. Listen, we sell the hash, you'll never have to work again.

15. Why do you want to take this chance?

16. I simply take this, pass it to the guard, sell it.

17. It's all over.

18. One-time sale. We don't go to jail.

19. How many times do I got to —

20. holy fuck!

21. I got to go write my exam, man. I'm gonna be late.

22. No, no, listen, we're gonna talk about this, Ricky.

23. You got any ignition spray?

24. No I don't. Ricky, listen.

25. Can you please talk to me just for one minute?

26. I don't have time.

27. That trailer is packed with evidence,

28. and we got to get rid of it.

29. And you, my friend, you're not growing any more dope.

30. - Do you hear me? - Bullshit, I'm not growing dope.

31. No, you're not growing any more dope, Ricky.

32. This is my decision.

33. That's like asking n.W.A. To stop being black.

34. It's what I do. I grow fucking dope.

35. Fine, then, have fun growing dope

36. while Sam losco's the new trailer-park supervisor.

37. What the fuck are you talking about?

38. Sam asked Barbara to marry him last night.

39. That's no big deal, is it?

40. No big deal? What are you talking about?

41. Barbara owns this trailer park, Ricky.

42. If that happens, we're gonna be fucked,

43. and you're gonna go back to jail,

44. and I'm not going with you this time.

45. I'm not worried about it. I'm worried about getting

46. - this fucking car going and going to get my exam written. - Of course you're not worried.

47. - Of course you're not. - I'm worried about the war of 1812.

48. - I'm worried about the fucking solar system. - Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

49. - Listen... - I'm worried about fucking Sam...

50. You do what you got to do,

51. and I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do, all right?

52. See you later, buddy. No more partnership, nothing.

53. Bullshit! I thought we were a fucking team.

54. You take your money and you go do whatever you want, man.

55. - I'm fucking sick of this shit. - Don't you fucking touch that dope

56. - until I get back from school! - Listen, I'm sick of you, Ricky!

57. Don't you fucking touch it. It's not right.

58. It's my dope, too, Julian.

59. Where the fuck is my ignition spray? Fuck!

60. Basically Barbara, Mr. lahey's ex-wife, owns this trailer park.

61. So sam's trying to romance her and get together with her

62. so that he can take over and have control of this park

63. to fuck us around, and that's not gonna happen.

64. You know, so, we're gonna have to do something about that.

65. Well, j-roc's been known to mess around with porn.

66. He calls it adult filmmaking.

67. He's been making a little bit of small movie stuff on the side.

68. And I don't know. It's kind of low-budget.

69. But people seem to like it, apparently.

70. I don't know. I'm not doing any more of that porn stuff.

71. I did it once, and it was a fucking nightmare.

72. There ain't no way I'm making no more porn movies, dawg.

73. Last time, my moms went off on my head, you know what I'm saying?

74. I'm like, I don't play that no more, Jules.

75. Listen, I understand your situation,

76. but we've got to frame Sam,

77. and I can't think of any other way of doing it.

78. It's a perfect plan. It'll work.

79. Jules, I don't know. I got your back.

80. You know what I'm saying?

81. But I can't get behind that greasy, hot-dog-eating,

82. neanderthal motherfucker.

83. Hang on, j-roc. Don't say no just yet.

84. I'd certainly star in another one of your movies.

85. I don't know, man.

86. Last time, it was weak. It was low-budget.

87. - There was no money. - That's right.

88. I'm not feeling it, man.

89. Well, I got a budget for you. How does 800 bucks sound?

90. 800 bucks?

91. Why didn't you say the shit was professional, Jules?

92. 213 shopping carts, Randy.

93. Hello!

94. Barbara.

95. Where's treena?

96. She's in her room.

97. She's still grounded for pawning her bike to Cory and Trevor.

98. Oh, right, well, I just popped over

99. to tell you that Sam losco proposed last night.

100. You got to be kidding.

101. No, I think it's about time one of us

102. tried to provide the girl with a stable family atmosphere

103. where she doesn't feel like she has to pawn her bike

104. or deliver pepperoni to drug dealers.

105. And you think that you're the perfect parent?

106. Randy, you know, when I want advice on cheeseburgers

107. or not wearing a shirt,

108. you know, you're the person I'll come to.

109. All right, all right, let's just pretend

110. we're adults here for a moment, please.

111. Treena, come out here for a moment!

112. Treena, please, come here!

113. Gee, that was effective, Jim.

114. Treena!

115. What the fuck do you want, lahey?

116. I'm looking for my daughter, Ricky. Treena!

117. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa.

118. Ricky.

119. Randy, I'll be with you in one second.

120. Hands off the equipment.

121. That's for official business only.

122. I haven't seen treena since her dysfunctional parents

123. grounded her over something stupid.

124. - Get the fuck in the car. - How dare you speak to us like that?

125. How dare you marry a money-hustling caveman, honey?

126. That is — that is none of your business.

127. What I do on my own time is my business.

128. Now, listen, I own this trailer park,

129. and I can make your life hell.

130. Well, you're making your daughter's life hell.

131. If you went to parent school, maybe she'd stop running away.

132. Jim!

133. That's why I drink, Barbara.

134. Get this piece of shit out of my way, lahey.

135. I got to go to school.

136. Hey, Julian!

137. Treena! What are you doing here?

138. My parents were fighting,

139. and that dick Sam might become my stepfather.

140. I don't have anyone to talk to.

141. You're lucky I'm in a rush right now.

142. Just stay back there and keep your head down.

143. This is no place for a young lady, treena.

144. Sam!

145. What's going on, dawg?

146. Who, uh — who are the ladies?

147. Oh, I can't really talk about that, Sam.

148. You know what I'm saying? A'ight, I can.

149. You about the dopest mack up in this park.

150. Can you keep a secret?

151. Sure.

152. Me and "t," we making an adult film with the ladies,

153. you know what I'm saying?

154. Ladies, come on over and say hi to a friend of mine.

155. - Hi. - This here is Sam.

156. You're looking kind of familiar.

157. Have you ever been in any TV or film or anything?

158. - Me? - Mm-hmm.

159. I used to do acting in junior high, but —

160. well, that's acting experience.

161. Well...

162. You look like the type of man

163. that could really take charge of this, handle it.

164. You want me to be in your adult video?

165. It's just a tape for the girls. Nobody will see it.

166. - No one will ever see it? - Mnh-mnh.

167. It's just a tape for theyselves, gonna stay on the shelves.

168. Ah, I don't know. I don't know. It's —

169. I'll be honest, it didn't even occur to me. "T"?

170. - Didn't cross my mind. - But, Sam, damn!

171. That's not a bad idea, you know what I'm saying?

172. You know I'm engaged.

173. All right, you guys stay here with her.

174. I'll be back in a minute.

175. Hey, Julian. What's in the bag?

176. Nothing. You can get in the front now, treena.

177. Let me ask you something.

178. Would you be upset if your mom and Sam broke up?

179. Would Randy be upset if you gave him a double cheeseburger?

180. This is turning out to be one of the most fucked-up days of my life.

181. Guess what I just found out. You remember Cyrus,

182. that idiot that tried to take over the trailer park that time?

183. Well, apparently, he was in night school

184. because he didn't get his fucking grade 10, either,

185. and the teachers couldn't handle him,

186. so he's writing his fucking final exam with us today.

187. And all these kids coming up to me saying,

188. "hey, did you see who was with Cyrus?"

189. Guess who was with him. Lucy!

190. And she's doing that to try to make me jealous.

191. She's banging Cyrus, which is bullshit.

192. Like, do people want me to fail grade 10?

193. I got all this dope stuff and Lucy and Cyrus on my mind today

194. and you fucking idiots following me around.

195. I can't handle this, guys.

196. But you make my words, I'm gonna get my grade 10,

197. and everybody else can just catch a boat to fuckoffityland.

198. So shut off your little camera,

199. and I got to go write my fucking exam.

200. I wish I had time for a smoke, but I don't.

201. Fuck, shut it off, guys.

202. - You're fucking pissing me off. - It's off. It's off.

203. The red light's still on in the front.

204. Pencils down.

205. Who's smoking?

206. Ricky.

207. Richard, you're letting me down.

208. Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm addicted.

209. He's cheating.

210. Look at the back of his arms and neck.

211. They're frigging a cheat couple.

212. - You fucking shit. - But Cyrus is —

213. congratulations! You both failed grade 10.

214. Get out of my classroom.

215. - You got to be kidding me. - Get out!

216. Please, miss, it's not my fault. He made me do it.

217. I'm gonna have to talk to your mother about this, Jacob.

218. I'm really disappointed. Get out of my class.

219. - Please don't call her. - Get out of my class.

220. Please don't call her.

221. Cyrus, knock, knock.

222. Who's there?

223. Someone who just failed grade 10.

224. I'll see you later.

225. Well, you can't see me now

226. 'cause you're kicked out of grade 10.

227. Fuck off. I got work to do.

228. Have fun getting a job, since you're kicked out of grade 10,

229. you fucking dummy.

230. Richard, you're on thin ice. Eyes back down to your paper.

231. Sorry, miss connelly.

232. What's up with the truck, Mr. lahey?

233. I found a loophole in the lease I signed with Julian

234. for the airstream.

235. Legally, we can't control what goes on inside the airstream,

236. but figuratively, the trailer has no fixed address, Randy.

237. So we can legally move it!

238. Exactly!

239. We're gonna move little ricky's dope-growing operation

240. right here to our driveway, Randy.

241. That'll throw a wrench into their little dope-growing plans.

242. Brilliant, sir.

243. Cheers.

244. What are these things hanging in the trees, j-roc?

245. Bubbles, these are stick pimps, you know what I'm saying?

246. A'ight, this here's the scene where the three lumberjacks come in.

247. You know what I'm saying?

248. Bubbles, you untie them witch hos,

249. you know what I'm saying, and get your freak on,

250. and then, Sam, y'all come in and say, "no, hang on, now,

251. you ain't getting your freak on till I get paid," right,

252. because them your witch hos, you know what I'm saying?

253. Cory and Trevor, hang on just one second.

254. Bubbles, you a'ight?

255. I'm a'ight! Let's do it.

256. All right, bubbles, go get your freak on.

257. You know what I'm saying? Action!

258. No witches are gonna burn in my woods, ladies.

259. Oh, thank you, kind sir!

260. How can we repay you for saving our lives?

261. Uh, I got a couple of ideas.

262. Oh, my, you're a naughty lumberjack.

263. Hey, hold it there, lumberjack!

264. No one's getting my witches unless I get paid.

265. Or else I'm gonna burn them.

266. You can pay me in livestock, land deeds, or gold coins.

267. A'ight, Cory, Trevor, go over there.

268. Get your freak on, Cory and Trevor.

269. It's all good, you know what I'm saying?

270. And cut!

271. A'ight, that's a wrap.

272. What? Don't we get to do stuff?

273. - You said we were gonna get to do stuff. - Come on, dude.

274. That's dope. We got it all in the first two takes.

275. - You know what I'm saying? - Ah, shit, man, we got played!

276. That's ridiculous, man, come on!

277. Why don't y'all go home and do some practicing yourselves?

278. Fucking cold, man.

279. Why don't you fuck off?

280. My boy's gonna play in the big leagues some day.

281. Peace, go on.

282. Go on, you guys.

283. Right, take the camera, right.

284. You running through the woods, spinning around,

285. do all kinds of crazy shit.

286. And you act all scared and stuff, and you running, right?

287. You running around, acting crazy with the camera.

288. Then you stop and you say, "I ain't never been so frisky in my life."

289. - Yep. - Know what I'm saying?

290. You take this flashlight, right,

291. put it under your face, you know what I'm saying?

292. You're running, do it crazy, you know what I'm saying?

293. - I think so. - A'ight, you're scared but you're frisky, right?

294. - Right. - A'ight? Go!

295. Say it now.

296. I ain't never been so frisky in my life!

297. How was that, j-roc?

298. Bubbles, I don't know, dawg.

299. I don't even believe that you're frisky, right?

300. Try it again, but sound like you're really frisky, right?

301. You're, like, scared.

302. Jesus, j-roc, I've done it four times.

303. I don't know if I can do it any better! -One more time.

304. One more time.

305. No one's gonna ever see this, though, right?

306. Sam, you got the word of the "j" to the r-o-c.

307. J-roc, this is a great idea, man.

308. Sam, you the bare pimp. You the pimp!

309. Thank you, j-roc.

310. This is the best day of my life, bubbles.

311. Zoom in on Sam, super pimp.

312. Oh, thank god I found you, man. Listen.

313. What do you want, Lucy?

314. Cyrus has totally freaked out.

315. He flunked grade 10 this morning,

316. and I broke up with him, and he is on a fucking rampage.

317. He's got a gun, and he's looking for you,

318. and he said he's gonna kill you.

319. What the fuck are you talking about, he's gonna kill me?

320. It's not my fault.

321. Listen, he knows that I went out with him

322. because I wanted to make you jealous.

323. And he's all fucked up. So come on, let's go.

324. Lucy, I don't got time for this shit right now.

325. No, just come with me. Just 10 minutes.

326. We really got to talk about this. Let's go.

327. Do you got 2 bucks I can borrow for gas?

328. Yes, I do. Of course.

329. - Hi, Barb. - Julian.

330. Listen, there's something on this tape you should watch

331. before you consider marrying Sam.

332. What do you mean, consider marrying Sam? I am —

333. just watch it. It was filmed today.

334. What was filmed today? Julian!

335. Oh, that's a really good grading present.

336. I can't wait till Ricky sees that cocksucker.

337. Yeah, I just hope he did okay on his exam.

338. Hey, Sarah, where's Ricky? I got to find him!

339. Why? -Frigging lahey is hauling his dope trailer away!

340. - Are you serious? - Come on, yes, come on.

341. - Let's go, guys, let's go! - Shit, we got to go over there.

342. Holy fuck!

343. "The bare pimp project."

344. Have you seen this little masterpiece?

345. - Where did you get this? - Julian dropped it off.

346. How could you do this to me? You bastard!

347. Honey, give me a chance to explain.

348. You know, I've always wanted to be an actor, okay,

349. and actors have to be open to different experiences.

350. And I was just pretending. It was just —

351. there is no way in hell that I would marry you.

352. And you know what? I hate hot dogs!

353. I —

354. fucking Julian!

355. Look, Lucy, what do you expect?

356. I'm just gonna drop everything now and go back with you

357. after you went out with fucking Randy and Cyrus?

358. Yes.

359. Well, fuck, Lucy, that's fucked. Randy's a fucking sasquatch!

360. - Check it out. - How are you doing, sir?

361. Fill it up with supreme?

362. No, don't fill it up, for god's sakes.

363. Just put $2.35, regular.

364. Okay.

365. Like, my perspecticks has changed now since school

366. and new relationships and stuff, Lucy.

367. I'm a different man.

368. You're talking about Sarah, right?

369. Yeah, I knew it. Right?

370. Well, not totally maybe all because of Sarah,

371. but the thing is, is that —

372. look, I'll drive you back to the park,

373. but there's probably a pretty good chance

374. that it might be over between us.

375. I'm sorry.

376. 2.35, sir.

377. I can't believe this shit.

378. What the hell is going on?

379. You're in trouble now, lahey, ricky's here, buddy!

380. What are you guys doing to my trailer?

381. What the hell are you doing in ricky's car?

382. What the hell are you doing living in ricky's car? -It's not what it looks like.

383. - Better not be. - Just calm down for a second.

384. - Listen — - bottle kids!

385. Aah!

386. Holy fuck, that was a lot of bottles!

387. You listen here, lahey!

388. Unhook this trailer right the fuck now.

389. I got a lease for this shit!

390. What do you want?

391. Where the fuck are Julian and j-roc?

392. Bubbles, trunk, guns, let's go. I need backup here.

393. What the fuck is going on, Jules?

394. All them guns and shit.

395. I don't play that shit, Julian. Peace.

396. Julian, what's going on?

397. You stay down and don't move!

398. Julian, I need some fucking help here.

399. Set me up!

400. Randy, 911. We need the cops!

401. Fuck! I'm fucking shot! Ah, fuck!

402. Stop your firing!

403. Boys, listen, listen!

404. The cops are coming.

405. We got to get that trailer out of here.

406. It's full of dope!

407. Get rid of the gun, bubbles!

408. You fucking dicks, you fucking shot me!

409. Come on, boys!

410. You're fucking dead!

411. What kind of trouble can I get in

412. for driving you guys with all this dope

413. and these guns and all the crazy bullshit?

414. It's not a big deal, bubbles. Don't worry about it.

415. We got in a little bit of a gunfight.

416. I got shot a little bit. It's no big deal.

417. A bit of dope to get rid of. We're fine.

418. I don't know, Ricky.

419. I heard that, you know, we could get in a lot of trouble

420. for having that much dope and guns.

421. Bubbles, you'll just get a slap on the wrist, man.

422. Everything will be cool.

423. You might get a fine or something.

424. I'll take care of it, I promise.

425. But you guys will get in big trouble.

426. Oh, it's no big —

427. we've been in a lot worse shit than this, bubbles.

428. This was nothing.

429. What the... Ah, fuck!

430. Great, a heli-fucking-copter!

431. - Oh, god! - Bravo, tango 1.

432. We have the suspects heading north on highway 103

433. in a bronco, towing an airstream trailer.

434. - Suspect is leaning out of the vehicle. - Get the fuck out of here!

435. There's nothing to see here! Leave us the fuck alone!

436. We're just on vacation!

437. I'm calling the cops

438. because you're flying way too fucking low, you assholes.

439. Fuck, this sucks right now!

440. This is gonna be cool, boys.

441. - We're gonna get away with this. - Fucking Cyrus, fucking Sam.

442. - Don't worry about it. - There's a helicopter behind us!

443. No shit! Just keep driving!

444. We'll lose it in the trees up here or something.

445. Is that a kitty on the road? There's a kitty on the road!

446. No, don't do it!

447. Boys, come on, she's gonna blow!

448. Son of a bitch!

449. Come on, Ricky!

450. Oh, fuck!

451. Vehicle has crashed. Repeat, the vehicle has crashed.

452. Suspects are on foot.

453. I'm never getting in a vehicle with you again!

454. I'm not gonna run over a kitty to save your dope, Ricky!

455. Come on, boys! Let me think.

456. We got to hide!

457. Boys, the cops! Ricky, give me your gun!

458. - I'm getting out of here! - The hash!

459. The hash is still in the trailer.

460. We got to get it!

461. Ricky, Ricky, there's no hash in the trailer!

462. What, you smoked all the hash?

463. I sold it this morning.

464. Check it out. The evidence is on fire.

465. They can't do shit to us.

466. Ricky, Julian!

467. Help me! I'm all tangled up in this fucking wire!

468. Come on, guys, we got to get out of here!

469. - We're not leaving bubbles! - Ricky, Julian!

470. Help me! I'm all tangled up in this fucking wire!

471. Come on, bubbles, we got to get out of here!

472. Help me up.

473. Freeze!

474. Nobody moves!

475. All right, everybody calm down here!

476. Get this fucking chopper out of here and just calm down!

477. This guy is totally innocent. He's a farmer.

478. He came out to help us out of the wreck. He saved our lives.

479. And you guys are gonna be sued if you arrest him, because he's innocent.

480. - That's right. - I don't even know this guy.

481. That's right. I can't see that well.

482. And I tripped into that wire.

483. I don't even know what's fucking going on here.

484. There's a helicopter over here. My cows are scared.

485. Everybody can get the fuck off my property!

486. Two suspects in custody.

487. Headquarters has identified another vehicle approaching.

488. Jim lahey, trailer-park supervisor

489. from the sunnyvale trailer park.

490. The other man, with no shirt, is Randy.

491. Hey, boys, good luck back in con college.

492. Fuck you, lahey!

493. Get this fucking helicopter out of here! Come on, guys!

494. - You don't need that right now. - Julian...

495. You owe me $500 damage to the airstream.

496. Not a problem, lahey.

497. I'll give it to you as soon as I'm released.

498. Which will be in a little bit, 'cause we didn't do anything wrong.

499. There's no evidence. Nothing happened.

500. We're on a little vacation here, guys.

501. Had a bit of an accident. Calm down.

502. You guys don't got shit. You don't have Jack shit!

503. There's no fucking evidence, nothing.

504. I want your badge numbers, 'cause I'm suing you.

505. Everything's cool, Ricky!

506. Well, if they think we're going to jail, they're fucking dreaming!

507. I'm suing your families and your grandparents

508. and your fucking pets!

509. I need a cigarette here, for fuck's sakes.

510. There's the food that you like, your favorite type.

511. There you go.

512. Pretend like you know me.

513. I guess we're back in jail, and not real happy about it.

514. But, you know, they nailed us on a few things,

515. misdemeanors like drinking and driving

516. and destruction of property, evading arrest,

517. dangerous use of a firearm.

518. Well, those are the ones that we got nailed with, anyway.

519. We got off of a few others because we pled guilty to those.

520. Ricky, tell them about your exam.

521. I got my grade 10.

522. I got 57, which is awesome.

523. It's the best Mark I've ever gotten without cheating.

524. So, I'm really happy. I can't believe it still.

525. I never thought I was gonna get my grade 10

526. ever in my whole life, so...

527. Now I can maybe even get my grade 11. Who knows?

528. I'm proud of him.

529. That's that.

530. Don't lose that key.

531. When we get out of here, we're gonna have a few extra dollars,

532. so I could handle this.

533. We're retired, buddy.

534. Two months.

535. Dope's not that bad, either.